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The New Loneliness - Causes and Effects · Gabriel Ellis, PhD | The Curious Mind Podcast

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Hello and welcome to a new episode of the Curious Mind
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podcasts. My name is Gabriel Ellis and I
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want to start a series today about loneliness, the new
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loneliness, as I call it social isolation, which are a phenomena
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that of course we have been knowing for a long time.
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But this trend seems to have accelerated a lot with the
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upcoming and strengthening of social media in daily life and
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also increased slightly artificially by the corona virus
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situation a few years ago, but it didn't go back to normal.
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There are residual effects from that apparently in our daily
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social life, and so I think it is important to raise the topic
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also because from a clinical perspective, it is such a
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frequent topic of conversation and of sadness.
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In my therapy sessions with my clients, it comes up as one of
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the most regular aspects of be it dissatisfaction with life,
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with work, private life and so on.
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The social isolation is a topic that is there in the background.
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Rarely it is seen as the most important point that contributes
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to mental issues, but it is there as a factor.
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And again and also from a political perspective, it plays
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a very important role. So today I want to introduce to
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the topic to make you more sensitive to the topic.
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And in the following episodes I want to give a deeper
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perspective on the deeper causes, the philosophical issues
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that are connected to that. For what reason?
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In order to understand why this has to be an issue, as long as
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we believe that it is a simple issue like many others, because
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supposedly, as some people believe, we can just learn to
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spend time alone with mindfulness, with appreciating
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all those nice solitary activities that I can do.
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As long as we believe this and don't understand how deeply
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rooted the existential need for friendships exchange
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relationships is, we don't really understand the topic and
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we will not understand how devastating socially and
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personally the effects of isolation and loneliness are.
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So essentially the isolation, loneliness are problems because
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we are social beings, not that we are human 1st and then we
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somehow have a need to have some social bonds.
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No, we are embedded in society. We are embedded in
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relationships. An infant, a child cannot
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survive without its parents. The parents cannot survive with
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the society around it. It is so deeply ingrained inside
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of us that only when it's lacking, we realize the problems
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that it has. So it is inherently woven into
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the fabric of our soul, our mind, and our spirit.
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And I will come to more detailed analysis about this existential
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perspective in the next episode to give you a few kind of
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cornerstones of the development so far of how this issue became
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so prominent in the 1st place. I will now detail some of the
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sociological reasons, and I will link to an article below.
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It's called the Antisocial Century, which appeared in The
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Atlantic. That goes into more details if
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you're interested in a broader perspective.
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But this article is focused on the US, which is similar in
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other Western or Westernized societies.
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But some of the effects are kind of in the gravity specific to
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the US culture. So what is important to
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understand is that the topic of isolation, of loneliness has not
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come up only in the recent decade with the rise of social
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media. This trend has been going on for
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a very long time. In fact, since we can say after
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Second World War. What were the technical
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innovations that contributed to this development?
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Well, it was mostly two things that we don't consider
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problematic anymore. But they did start this
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basically this trend, this development.
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The two are the car and the TV. The car allowed people to live
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at a place that is disconnected from the immediate social
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surrounding that they usually have, which means I can live at
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a place that is far away from my family.
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I can live at a place that is far away from my work.
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And so we have different social settings.
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It's more demanding to naturally meet.
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If I have a workshop in the village or in the town, then
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it's walking distance. I know the people around there
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and typically in the past also the families would have lived
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close by so that all of those different areas, important areas
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of life were often in the very same area.
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The car allowed us for the sake of convenience, for the sake of
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opportunities to live somewhere else.
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And so meeting people, be it work colleagues after work or
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family or friends became more disjointed and it became more
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artificial and labor intensive. I did not just step out of the
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street, on the street and naturally met people that I
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know. Something that some of you still
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recognize from village life. You just go shopping and then
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you meet your neighbors, you meet your friends, you meet some
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relatives and you have those chats.
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So the car allowed that to happen and it continues to do so
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to a similar extent, we can include trains and public
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transport. A second aspect is the TV and
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what the TV does. It allows us to satisfy certain
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needs that I would otherwise satisfy in a social way.
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To do it at home alone, maybe with my core family, but less
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with friends, less with strangers, less to meet people
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in the so-called third places that I will come to.
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And then we have an extension of that.
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The TV technical satisfaction of needs did not stop there.
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We had in the 80's the popularization of gaming
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consoles. Then the first computers came
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up, like the C Commodore 64 for example, popularized the home
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computer. And then of course, the Internet
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came in the 90's, the popularization of it, at least
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in the 90s, e-mail, certain platforms, chat platforms.
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And then of course, social media in the contemporary way as we
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have it today with Facebook as a big play in the beginning.
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And then others came up as well, WhatsApp, TikTok, Instagram, and
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so on. So those interactions in social
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media, they're replaced in person interactions.
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And this is important. Also in the next episode, I will
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go more into it because what happens in our mind is that we,
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when we engage in social media, it affects us as if we have
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dealt with people, as if we have spoken to them, as if we have
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discussed with them. And so it wears us out.
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And so after engaging in social media, we are less inclined to
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seek real life interactions because we are already kind of
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exhausted and depleted because our brain, our mind, our spirit
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has already done complex social calculations so that our
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appetite for social interactions in the real world has gone down.
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And at the same time, the effects of social media are
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rather detrimental to mental health and we are not able to
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recover or to to fill our battery of satisfaction with
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real life interactions. Now, by the way, all of these
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aspects that I'll list now, I name them because they have the
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effect that statistically they contribute to the isolation of
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people. But it is not to say that they
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don't have their positives. So I don't judge or don't kind
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of assume at all. I don't want to pretend that
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social media is only negative, with the cars only negative, TV
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and Internet and so on. Only negative.
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Of course they have the plus sides.
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But in looking at our social fabric, at the state of our
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societies today, looking back, we have to acknowledge and we
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have to understand that these technologies in the end might
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have done a disservice to mental health, might have done a
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disservice to the social fabric as it is today.
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As long as we have not figured out a healthy way to use those
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technologies. Maybe this would come from the
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companies themselves. Maybe it needs state
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intervention to kind of shape the influence of those
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technologies in a way that does us more good than harm.
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OK, going back to those sociological reasons and
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conditions for how this big effect of loneliness and
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isolation came up, certainly there's another aspect that is
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important here, which is individualism.
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There has been a steady decline of thinking in communities,
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small communities, families, clans, big society.
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We see a steady decline of the role of authority so that it's
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more easy today to question basically anything that supposed
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authorities say. That is known from the
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scientific perspective with the Dunning Kruger effect, which
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means that today it is more easy for laypeople and non
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specialists to just very casually dismiss experts in the
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field with the, you know, instinct wisdom.
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And to say those people, they are kind of closed up there in
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the ivory tower of academia. Actually, yes, they have pH, DS
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and whatever, but they don't know anything about real life.
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So I, the layperson who has heard about this topic a little
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bit on the news about logistics and inflation and so on, my
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opinion is just as valid, or maybe even because of my support
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superior instincts is much more valid than the opinion of
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experts. And so this is just a symptom of
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the decline of authority. But what it means is that it
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reduces our willingness to listen, to engage in
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conversations, and pushes more forward this attitude of what do
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I actually think is true and why would I listen to somebody else?
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I want to be listened to. And of course, it's an also some
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game. If everyone thinks more that
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they should be listened to rather than to listen, then we
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don't have conversations. And we have another
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strengthening factor of individualism.
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There's a big aspect that is connected with transportation,
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which is the increased urbanization in the past 100
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years and the frequent relocations that go hand in hand
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with urbanization. When we have these trends, it
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means that people move into environments that are more
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anonymous, where it's less normal to have natural
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communities forming around my apartment, the place that I
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live. And it's more a pick and choose.
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It's more work in urban environments to find my peers,
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to find my groups, to find activities.
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There is more choice. Of course, as I said, all of
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these aspects that contribute to isolation and loneliness have
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their positives. But the negative side is that
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urbanization first, first of all, comes with a bigger
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anonymity and with more work to put into my mix of social
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interactions to give you just, you know, very rough numbers.
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In the past 100 years, the urbanization rate, which means
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the the part of the population that lives in urban
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environments, has increased in the US from 50% to 80%, so that
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today about 80% of the population of the US lives in
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urban environments, whereas in the past it was rather 50%.
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In Europe the numbers are very similar.
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The increase in Europe was from 40% to 75, very similar to the
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US, which shows that there are less communities in small town
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village environments where people would have this natural
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social fabric. Many, many more people are
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exposed to a normal environment where they have to work to keep
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the social realm together, where dating comes with its issues in
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urban communities, making friendships, dissolving
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friendships, keeping for oneself and so on.
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The pick and choose life of the city life with its advantages
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and disadvantages, and mostly of the disadvantages of increased
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isolation and loneliness. Another aspect that is somewhat
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connected but still is worth mentioning as a separate factor
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is that anxiety and depression are not only the effect of
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isolation, they're also A cause of isolation.
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If I get anxious for the reason that I might lose work, for
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example, which is not a social issue, it's not a social
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anxiety. If I get this anxiety, it makes
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me more withdrawn. It makes me more hesitant to go
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outside. I might be ashamed in front of
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acquaintances and friends when they ask me, how are you to
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admit, you know that I feel miserable or I put on a facade
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and so I'm more exhausted when I come home after social
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interactions. So, in short, anxiety and
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depression also lead to further isolation, and as we know from
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the past decades that the rates of anxiety and depression have
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gone up, this also contributes to the increase of isolation and
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loneliness. In total, in our society, there
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is a decline of third places. A third place is an expression
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for informal public gathering spaces that exist outside of the
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1st place, which is home and the second place which is work.
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And I have witnessed this in my lifetime.
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I was born in the 70s, I grew up in the 80s mostly.
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And I have seen that those community places and also the
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involvement of people in communities and volunteer work
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in groups, in the rate that people would go out together and
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spend time. This has declined.
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This number is going down. And so and of course, because of
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the factors that I mentioned before, there's more
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technological use, social media and all these other aspects.
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What it means is that when the cities, when the communities,
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when they reduce the number of these third places, which can be
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community centres, cafes, pubs, libraries, parks, plazas, when
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they either reduce those places or people less frequently visit
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those places to interact with people.
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It means that there is less random interaction with a larger
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society, a larger community, which then inhibits people in
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their skills to deal with the other, to deal with other
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people. And so there is another source
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that I'm cut off, cut off from that might reduce my sense of
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loneliness and isolation. A number from the US is that
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adults have 30% less dinner or drinks with friends over the
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past 20 years. This is a dramatic decline and
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just shows how big the increase, how big this problem has become.
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There is some sort of an informal ministry in the UK for
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loneliness, which is another symptom of the problem having
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become so big that even officials feel that they have to
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care for it. A last aspect that I want to
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point out is increased economic pressures, less so for people
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who are in safe work environments, but for many other
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people, we have longer working hours.
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We have a gig economy where people have to find new jobs all
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the time to find new clients. For example, me as an online
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therapist, I'm in a similar place.
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And that this time, this stress, if you will, it reduces the time
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that is available for social engagements.
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And for these people and many other people too, who are safely
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employed, it has become very normal that we're constantly
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learning. We need to do certifications, we
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need to do workshops, we need to maybe sometimes add another
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bachelor or master degree. So many people also from my, in
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my experience, when I talk to people, the number of people who
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are constantly in the process of furthering and developing their
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knowledge and their qualification has increased
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dramatically. And this reduces their ability
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on the weekends to just meet friends after work, to just
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relax, to engage in phone calls to meet people and so forth.
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So there are many sociological factors that have contributed to
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this increase. And if you ask me, a dramatic
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increase when it comes to life quality and mental health of
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loneliness and isolation. The effects are can be seen in
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the mental health. We can see the effects also in
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politics when people stay at home to have their diet of media
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and of interaction in the Internet and social media.
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This has contributed a lot to the forming of echo chambers
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when we don't really talk to people to the complexity of
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their views, but the views are reduced to contributions on.
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Ex. Instagram, Twitter, other social
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media platforms. These are not environments where
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people exchange very differentiated insights into the
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thought world and their belief system.
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They are forced to reduce their own arguments, to distill them
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to points that lack nuance, that are harsher then there would be
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if I were to talk to them. Also, when I see someone face to
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face, I can see the body language.
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I can get more cues of what they say is meant in a hurtful way,
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in a derogatory way, in a condescending way, or if it's a
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spin. If it's more subtle I can ask
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questions. So the decline in personal
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interactions of people had a dramatic effect on the culture
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or the attitudes with which I approach social discussions on
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social media in general. And this has led and contributed
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to a deterioration of the political discourse, the quality
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of the political discourse. So that this is not the only
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reason, but surely, I think it's without doubt that the isolation
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that has developed over the past, let's say, 20 years has
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contributed to the political situations that we have today.
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More polarization, more radical attitudes of finding followers
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and so forth. Another effect that we can see
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from more loneliness and isolation that is not just
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mental health is that family structures change.
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We have more single households today, we have more patchwork
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families and this leads also to a reduced support system from
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family members in daily life. It is just makes a difference if
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we see each other regularly, be it for family gatherings, for
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holidays and so on, or if I work and live far away and the so the
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that the interaction with the family has been reduced to a
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minimum and then we see each other just on high holidays.
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So I wanted to show with this very short summary of some
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sociological reasons and their effects of how deeply this
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development has affected us. It affects not only us as people
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who are maybe affected by loneliness and isolation, it
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also affects the others. If I personally don't feel so
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isolated, but a friend of mine does, this changes of how we
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interact. It changes the quality of our
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interaction, the quality of our relationship, my willingness to
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meet again in general. Another fact that comes with
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this isolation is interestingly that people become more picky,
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they're more ready to write people off.
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And so this effects not only the people, the lonely people, so to
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speak, but it affects the society as a whole.
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As I also showed with the example of how it affects the
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political discourse. Everyone is affected by this,
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whether you feel lonely or not Good.
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So I hope it made you curious. For the following episodes and
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the next one, I will go deeper into the psychological and
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philosophical context of how it matters and why it matters, who
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we surround ourselves with and what it does to our mind, to our
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existence, if we get more and more reduced to individuals who
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surround themselves with a Internet community, with social
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media. I hope to see you next time.
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If you have questions and suggestions to this topic, I
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would be happy to read them in the comments and I see you soon.