Latest / After Maghrib 🌙 / Respect & Abuse: Parents in Islam (Ft Ali Haider Al Amili)

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Respect & Abuse: Parents in Islam (Ft Ali Haider Al Amili) · After Maghrib 🌙

• 0:00
  It's Mellah Rahman Rahim, Samoa Ali, and welcome back to the
• 0:02
  aftermarket podcast. If it's your first time here,
• 0:04
  make sure you subscribe, hit that like button and share with
• 0:06
  your family and friends. Because today we have a really
• 0:08
  interesting discussion. We're going to be talking about
• 0:11
  all types of parents, toxic parents as well.
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  Are you someone maybe, who's had a toxic relationship with your
• 0:17
  mum or dad in in your early years?
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  Have you maybe done something to them?
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  Or have they done something to you which you wish you could
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  change? Have you maybe misunderstood
• 0:24
  what your role is as a child or even as a parent?
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  If so, then maybe this is a discussion for you brother
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  sisters before we introduce our special guest.
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  As always it gives me great pleasure to introduce the
• 0:36
  esteemed saying Ali Rado, Islam Ali Khan.
• 0:39
  How you doing bro?
• 0:51
  I'll handle Allah freezing. It's cold, cold nowadays and
• 0:56
  it's getting even colder. It is.
• 0:57
  I was checking, checking the weather out -5 on on Thursday.
• 1:02
  I wish us good luck. You know, the day it releases,
• 1:04
  basically, yeah. Yeah, the day, you know, at
• 1:06
  times like this, I'm glad we're in the southern part of the UK
• 1:10
  and I'm really glad we don't live somewhere like Hull, that
• 1:13
  is like. Probably like some mountain
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  North Yorkshire places like this, some people.
• 1:17
  Call it Mordor, like a bill of nowhere in freezing, but do you
• 1:22
  know at hand that we managed to save one of them from freezing
• 1:25
  and today we brought them down South, where it's a bit warmer,
• 1:27
  our dear brother. Thank you very much for having
• 1:33
  me, not for saving me from the cold, because it was cold when I
• 1:37
  left there in the morning and now it's cold here and I'm
• 1:40
  getting told that it might be snowing when I'm when you
• 1:42
  return, I'm coming back. So, so yeah, I'm a little bit
• 1:46
  scared, but we'll just be stuck at home and staying up warm.
• 1:51
  I feel like it's been this has been a podcast in the making for
• 1:54
  a long, long time. We've been waiting, waiting for
• 1:57
  you to come on to bless us with our presence.
• 2:00
  Now the honour's all mine and and I feel blessed to be here
• 2:03
  well, and it has been. It has been a long time in the
• 2:05
  making but being in Hull, which is a dreadful 4 hour drive away
• 2:11
  from here, it can be a bit difficult but Handel, we made it
• 2:15
  work. Handel, I went out here.
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  That's the main thing. And inshallah, you know, I'm
• 2:19
  well. I'm really looking forward to
• 2:21
  today's conversation #1 because we have Ali, Hyder, whatever.
• 2:25
  I remember Hyder, So that's like automatically you're #1.
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  But mainly it's because of the topic we're discussing, parents
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  and everything, and something we all relate to because we all
• 2:40
  have parents. But.
• 2:43
  We need to dig deep and understand what our parents.
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  This is something I want to learn and a shallow benefit
• 2:48
  from, especially you today is like.
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  We. Have a special guest.
• 2:52
  But yeah, I'm sure many of us know you.
• 2:55
  Of course, you are top three finalists in last year.
• 2:58
  Shit, I've always you've inspired us all and, you know,
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  we had a great time learning from you.
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  But for those who don't know you and maybe want to get to know
• 3:05
  you a bit better, we're going to ask you something, OK?
• 3:08
  We're going to ask you to rank. We have a new thing now where we
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  rank topics. OK.
• 3:14
  Hello. So I'm going to give you five
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  types of breakfast, OK? Five articles or like things
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  within your breakfast. And before I read out the next
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  one, you have to place it in the rag.
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  Oh, no. OK, Blank rankings basically.
• 3:29
  OK. Cool.
• 3:29
  All right. Say, do you want to do it?
• 3:32
  OK, Father, on the mind. So the first one is pancakes.
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  Pancakes. One being the best, five being
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  the worst. Yeah, it's #2.
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  OK. OK, if Begala is if Begala, but
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  the hints there, it's number one right now.
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  Well, let's find out. I'll do the second one as well.
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  Yeah, Waffles. Waffles.
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  Full SO Pancakes too. Waffles 4.
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  Why do you change one of them up, Chuck?
• 3:58
  In Chuck in. Arabic, yeah, Chuck in Chuck in
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  Arabic one. You know Mahajan nuts.
• 4:02
  Has to be Mahajan nuts. What's What's in the Mahajan
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  Nuts? I prefer the Jubin 1, by the
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  way. The cheese one?
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  Yeah, yeah, you too. Where would you rank it?
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  If it's manaish, let me have Manaish 1.
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  One, huh? One.
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  Yeah. Yeah.
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  OK, so Manaish is 1. 1. Nine Cakes is 2/2.
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  What puzzles 4? Yeah, it's three and five there.
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  I'll do one more than you. You do the last one.
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  Yeah, Bargain load in. #3 because because because it
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  because it depends on who's doing it.
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  OK, you can go South. I agree with that.
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  You can go S 100% agree, but I'm not going to rank it because
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  I've only had it in heard about that and it was like done by
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  really trustworthy. Swimming in cholesterol and
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  diabetes, basically. In the heat.
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  Made by the hot dog. Exactly, yeah.
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  That's what makes it more delicious.
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  Got all the nice kind of balati sweat?
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  Yeah, #3 number? 3.
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  Which makes. Hash Browns Five You know it's
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  not a fan anyway. I like them, but I'm not.
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  And it's not so because they have got to make them.
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  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pancakes is worth it, hash
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  brown. What pancakes do you like?
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  Those Like the little ones that you get in the supermarket or
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  proper, like American. Little ones, Yeah.
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  Anything. Americans.
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  Just any upsized. It's too big.
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  Yes, huge American pancakes. It just gets.
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  And to those, there's a lot of people who will not know about
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  Gil or Dehin is tell us first piece of knowledge we're
• 5:32
  learning. Isn't it?
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  I only recently learnt about this because whenever someone
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  would say dehin to me, that's fat.
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  Yeah, OK. Dihin means fat, right?
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  Dihin, If I'm eating, let's say lamb, the fat of the lamb is
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  dihin. Now I learned that in arake
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  means oil. Yes, of bargella.
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  Bedihin, which means Bargella, which is like a bigger sized
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  full of Lebanon. I think it's called Broad Beans,
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  Broad Beans. Broad beans, Yeah.
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  So Bargella bediens brown beans in oil, but it's got nothing to
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  do with that because the beans and you've got, they're boiled
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  and you've got bread. An egg, right?
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  An egg. An egg is fried in like deep
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  fried in the oil. Now I really want burgers, but
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  I'm. Starving 8:00 PM and we're
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  craving breakfast. Now, now I know what I'm having
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  on Sunday. Yeah.
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  I need it. The thing is, my Lebanese
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  household doesn't know how to do it properly.
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  Do you know where the oil comes in, by the way?
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  Some families take it to our next level, so they'll fry the
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  oil, then they pour on top. I need disaster, said Which
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  someone knows what I'm referring to?
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  Is is, you know, every week lemon juice with it is that.
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  Yeah. You squeeze lemon or yeah,
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  that's the. Onion and I will salt.
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  Yeah I want to confirm this with seed if you don't mind.
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  Is it custom to eat it with your hands?
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  Of course, Of course. Huh.
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  It's a crime using a spoon or a spoon.
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  That's. I love it.
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  Kind of blah. Household munchie would fork a
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  knife. I've never had bargaloos in
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  here. No, I've never had it with a
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  spoon. Shout out to the one person that
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  I do know who's who eats with a spoon.
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  May Allah guide him. No, no, very beloved person to
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  me, an uncle. I shout out to the uncle who
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  told me. But they all tell me that you
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  you just eat it with your hand. I was actually, I was actually
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  threatened. Threatened in incredible that
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  there if I were to use a spoon because you're Lebanese.
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  You know Lebanese seems like the of the Middle East.
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  They're like kind of like the people that will use fork and
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  spoons know you're going to eat with your hands.
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  I'm fine with that. Like I'm OK.
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  So yeah, it only made it all the better.
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  One big sania, one big tray, all of it inside and everyone.
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  Everyone was just like. Yeah, yeah.
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  Love it. Love it.
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  That's good. Breakfast episode.
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  Breakfast episode? Yeah, yeah.
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  So what breakfast do your parents make?
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  Oh, that's a good question. We can move into that.
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  My dad, My dad growing up was known for his omelettes.
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  He used to make beautiful omelettes back in the day, but
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  it's been a good number of years since I've had one because I've
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  moved out. Obviously I'm I'm now not living
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  at home, but I remember my dad's omelettes.
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  Maybe it's time to to rekindle that breakfast.
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  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to my parents house for
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  breakfast. Ask him to make it.
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  Yeah. What about you say if?
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  I go back memory lane. Back all the way back to memory
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  lane. You know, you spoke about your
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  father. I remember my dad.
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  I learned I used to make bioto tomato.
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  So we're like egg scrambled, but with tomatoes here in shuka.
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  I have no idea what shakshuka is.
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  Shuka. Is like the.
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  It's like in tomatoes. Yeah, it's like it's tomatoes
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  and onions and you put the eggs in.
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  I think that's more like an omelette sort of thing.
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  It's similar, but but but there's only tomato.
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  So I get tomato that you sprinkle some salt.
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  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But one of his favorites, and I
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  used to really like it, was called dipsurashi.
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  So you'll have like date syrup with Russia.
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  What's Russia in English? I have no idea what's Russian.
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  Anyone know if? It's if, if, if, if it's if.
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  It's what I'm thinking. Is it Pennier?
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  Yes, yes. Yes, that would be.
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  And you mix it and you have it with the Lebanese piece of
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  bread, what loves delicious. I love by the way.
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  That's, yeah. That's when I got married to an
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  Iraqi. My whole experience of breakfast
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  changed. Yeah, fully, fully gamble with
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  honey, baked syrup, warm homos. I love it.
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  Completely unbeatable. You know, just before we enter
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  the topic, yeah, we're speaking about breakfast.
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  And you said your life changed when you married and you had a
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  different experience. I have a very dare hoja friend
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  of mine. Yeah, I invited him over to my
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  house one day. Uh, huh.
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  And I told them, Habibi, you need to come for breakfast.
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  I'm here. I've told my wife.
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  Let's cook this. Let's make this.
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  Let's make it royalty. When you come, please make sure
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  you've had nothing to eat. I mean, this is like a King's
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  breakfast. He came.
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  He ate from everything. It was like sweating, panicking
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  and all. What's going on?
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  Like what's happening was I'm a horser.
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  I don't know what, what? Yeah.
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  Julie when he looks at gamma things, nothing.
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  Ice cream. It's like, what's this?
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  This beautiful. And like having cheese with
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  everything is like, it didn't make sense to him.
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  Yeah, I was like, bless you guys.
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  I don't know what world you guys are from.
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  Was a game changer. Went from having cornflakes to
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  having gamma. Yeah borrow was completely
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  different experience but anyway I'm the love we'll get into a
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  topic, I like that I'm I'm definitely hungry now so
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  obviously look big topic. Where where do you think is the
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  best place to start in terms of kind of assessing and or diving
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  into this topic? All right.
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  I think if we're going to look at it as as as like from a scope
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  kind of a way, if we just were to zoom out, I think, I think
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  the area is to just establish a few key definitions, right?
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  With parents, it's it's kind of either you get along really well
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  because there's understanding alongside a lot of other things
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  or you don't connect. There's not that one do you
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  know? And that and that, and that
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  often comes a lot from a lack of understanding.
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  If you don't understand the person you're dealing with,
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  you're not going to connect. Yes, you're not going to
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  connect. And interestingly, it's always a
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  good part good, a good place to start.
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  They're looking at the rights of the person.
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  Because a right, if we're looking at what a right is, a
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  right is something that's put in place to regulate society,
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  right. So the right of your sibling is
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  what regulates that relationship, right?
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  You know that this is your older sibling.
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  What regulates the relationship between your friends is that
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  you're not going to harm them or say anything negative, right?
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  That's that's what regulates the prosperity of the friendship.
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  And so when someone recognises the right of the parent, and OFT
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  often times the right of the child as well, there's more
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  understanding of how that relationship actually happens.
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  There's more understanding. And I think the best place to
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  start for when it comes to rights of anything is Rasad al
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  Hakuk by Imam Sajadah Ali Sajadah has a a dissertation, I
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  would say a treatise of rights in which the Imam Ali Islam goes
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  through a number of different rights and detailed the rights
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  of your tongue, the rights of your eyes, the rights of your
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  hands, the rights of a friend who's a companion, who's sitting
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  down, so on. And in .22 and 23, the rights of
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  your mother and the rights of your father.
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  And it's just when you read what the imam says here, I think, I
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  think it's one of the most beautiful things.
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  And we'll start with the father because insha'allah, the topic
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  on on the mother is a bit more special and unique with the
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  father. Imam said Ali Islam says the
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  right of your father upon you is that you know that he is your
• 13:00
  fruit, that you know that's you. If it weren't, if it weren't for
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  him, you wouldn't be, the imam says.
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  And then he goes on to say and you should also recognise that
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  whenever you have something in yourself praiseworthy, that
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  comes from your father. So thank a lot and thank Allah
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  for him, because anything nice that comes out from yourself is
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  because of your father. And then you can go deeper about
• 13:29
  some other rights of of of the father upon the child with Insha
• 13:32
  Allah, we'll we'll get to a bit later on because that also
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  allows us to sway into a into a different conversation.
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  But as I I wanted to propose this question specifically about
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  the father right. How do you think that that
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  weighs into a father son father daughter relationship where they
• 13:50
  recognise that. Well hold on, I'm Sid, you're
• 13:54
  very good looking right on that basis of the imam.
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  You know, if you find that praiseworthy, you should say
• 14:00
  that comes from your father, right, Sid?
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  How would you take that? I'm not sure that you both are,
• 14:07
  I thought. You'd given an example.
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  No, no, no, no, no. So on on how, how do we deal
• 14:14
  with that if you know that's the relationship?
• 14:19
  Yeah. And if you ask me, I mean you,
• 14:22
  I've, I've read what I started the talkbook before.
• 14:24
  When it comes to the rise of your father, many, many years
• 14:27
  ago, I hear in lectures everything and hear you've
• 14:30
  you've bring it back to life. That's it.
• 14:32
  Reminds you of a moment I was a few weeks ago.
• 14:34
  This is like a real life, real life event.
• 14:37
  I was sitting with a scholar, we were talking and we haven't seen
• 14:41
  each other for a very long time, catching up and everything.
• 14:43
  And he he just stopped. I don't appraise myself, but he,
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  he started like giving me a list of what he likes about me
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  always. He's good in me and everything.
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  Every time you say something, I'm like, that's probably thanks
• 14:57
  to my father. In my head, this is not even
• 15:00
  thinking. And I was like, maybe OK, maybe
• 15:02
  I learned that from Baba or maybe, you know, this was like
• 15:05
  somehow during the upbringing given to me.
• 15:08
  And then after we left our conversation, I had tears in my
• 15:11
  eye. And I'm like, you know what,
• 15:12
  Allah, your hammock. Well, honestly, because without
• 15:15
  your upbringing and without you being my parent as my father, I
• 15:19
  wouldn't be me. I wouldn't even be worth that
• 15:23
  phrase that I think I'm not worthy of for anyone to say
• 15:26
  about me. So that truly connects.
• 15:28
  And if this is the words of the Imam, there's true meaning
• 15:30
  behind. This.
• 15:32
  It's beautiful. Yeah, it's beautiful.
• 15:34
  It makes sense. The the the father, I think for
• 15:37
  SAD and I is obviously like a very sensitive and close topic
• 15:41
  to ours because I'm the I became a father the last couple of
• 15:44
  years. I say it's been a father for a
• 15:46
  number of years now. Five years.
• 15:47
  And we've we've we've both learned a lot.
• 15:51
  Bro, it's it's Charlotte, bro. You'll be a father.
• 15:53
  Married a father to Charlotte. It's a very.
• 15:57
  Yeah. Married first hopefully.
• 15:58
  Charlotte. I always.
• 16:01
  Pray for this inshallah. Normal wife, but no Bros.
• 16:06
  It's a touchy and a close topic to us especially.
• 16:09
  And you know what? I think we've we learn about
• 16:12
  that relationship between a father and his son, specifically
• 16:15
  from a young age, all of us obviously observing our own
• 16:18
  fathers. I remember when I was young, I
• 16:21
  mentioned this on the podcast before I went for Umrah, when I
• 16:25
  was like 7 years old. And I had a member of my family
• 16:29
  who was with me who noticed my style of Salah and saying,
• 16:34
  praising, basically saying, wow, he could pray properly.
• 16:36
  He's like 6-7 years old. And he said, did he get that
• 16:40
  from his dad? Because I recognize that.
• 16:42
  And I remember when I was like a kid, I remember listening to it
• 16:44
  and feeling gassed like so excited and so happy that wow,
• 16:48
  someone's recognized how I'm praying thanks to my dad
• 16:50
  Hamdullah. But we even hear it in our
• 16:52
  majalis. We hear on on a day-to-day, year
• 16:55
  to year basis every Muharram for example, we hear about Alil
• 16:59
  Akbar for example, for example, for example, Ali Salaam.
• 17:02
  And we hear about Imam Sajad and Mark say, you know when they say
• 17:05
  Ali Akbar Ali Salaam was the most in resemblance to Salam
• 17:09
  Hamad Salah Salam. How he never he never met him.
• 17:13
  He was born after the time of the death of the Holy Prophet
• 17:15
  Muhammad. It was because he spent so much
• 17:19
  quality time with his father. Imam Hussein is Salaam and Imam
• 17:23
  and Hussein passed on the values of rasulam hammered to his
• 17:26
  children and like you know, I want to make this point like
• 17:30
  really abundantly clear, firstly to myself and then to inshallah
• 17:33
  anyone else at home. To me second.
• 17:35
  Yeah, no, not at all bro. But you know, spending quality
• 17:38
  time with your parents or with your children is more important
• 17:42
  than you think. In fact, spending quality time
• 17:44
  is not the same as spending time in close proximity.
• 17:47
  I mean, me myself for example, there's days, days I get home
• 17:50
  literally after am I going to like it's night time, I'm tired.
• 17:54
  I want to eat, rest and sleep. You know, my kids are at home.
• 17:58
  I can spend time in proximity to them, but doesn't mean I'm
• 18:01
  spending quality time. So and that's where I think we
• 18:04
  pick up that relationship with, with our with our parents and
• 18:07
  Charlotte as we go on with our kids as well.
• 18:09
  But yeah, the the father is, I think all of us have a very
• 18:14
  unique place for our dads and our hearts.
• 18:16
  Some more complex than others of course not all fathers are
• 18:20
  present and and as compassionate and as caring as they should be.
• 18:25
  Salaam Muhammad tells us Salallahu alaihi So how many
• 18:28
  times hadith do we hear about as a father He goes, your
• 18:31
  responsibility is first to the women and the children of your
• 18:33
  house. You know, So like, that's a
• 18:36
  lesson for us because we as men, we can be, we can run our houses
• 18:41
  with iron fists if you want to. But you know, we we shouldn't be
• 18:44
  like that. Definitely, definitely.
• 18:47
  I think every son and daughter as well.
• 18:51
  But I think it's it's it's very relatable to the son.
• 18:53
  It looks up to the dad as a hero.
• 18:56
  Yeah that's that's Baba. They you know in in most
• 19:01
  households that that father figure is that person where you
• 19:04
  run to when you are in trouble. Baba, I had an argument or Baba.
• 19:09
  I'm scared, you know? Or I did something wrong or I
• 19:12
  did something? Wrong, you know and like
• 19:15
  Barbara, before anyone else finds out, tell.
• 19:18
  Me. Yeah, what do I do?
• 19:20
  You go to him and you look for wisdom.
• 19:22
  Dad, Dad, you have experience how do I do with this?
• 19:25
  And as you grow older you only find that connection to grow old
• 19:27
  and that's why you see a lot of narrations interesting also to
• 19:31
  how we as children should should know.
• 19:34
  And This is why we have the Alibaba, Ali Muslim teach about
• 19:37
  every aspect of life. The Imams, Ali Homsalam and in a
• 19:41
  number of narrations they alibabait they they they give
• 19:44
  you different time periods to deal with your children.
• 19:47
  Right now I don't have a child yet, so I don't really know that
• 19:51
  first hand experience. But I remember my father told me
• 19:55
  this, this was like when I was young when actually I had done
• 19:59
  something wrong. And he told me that the reason
• 20:03
  I'm dealing with you in this way is because, look, there's a
• 20:05
  narration that says seven years, seven years, seven years, right,
• 20:09
  The 777. And when we read the 777, right,
• 20:13
  seven years at them, play 7 years, you know, teach them kind
• 20:16
  of be a bit fond when the seven years befriend them, right.
• 20:19
  It's up until the age of 21. So I'm still in that befriending
• 20:22
  stage of my dad. And honestly, dad, when you're
• 20:25
  watching this. He'll, he'll know how the past
• 20:28
  seven years truly to me when I look back in hindsight and I
• 20:34
  know this is going to be insha'allah, like something that
• 20:36
  goes on for the future, there's that friendship really has been
• 20:40
  built because those two seven previous years were installed.
• 20:44
  So because I had that recognition when it came to, if
• 20:48
  I had done something wrong, my dad would kind of say, I'm going
• 20:51
  to deal with you in this way now.
• 20:53
  Just know you're going to thank me for it one day.
• 20:55
  And truly, it's because I knew that I could have taken it two
• 20:57
  ways. I could have taken it.
• 20:59
  My dad's just not dealing with me in a nice way.
• 21:03
  But I also say, well, the Imams told my dad to deal with me in a
• 21:06
  certain way. He's not going out of the
• 21:08
  boundaries that he should. I'm thankful.
• 21:11
  That there's heck more than. That yeah, of course, of course.
• 21:14
  And that's why we see is like the dynamic which will insha all
• 21:19
  I get to about how parents, how children react to their parents
• 21:24
  is something that's really, really vital.
• 21:26
  But if you don't mind I wanted to ask very special topic to
• 21:31
  everyone mums mothers. Something that is arguably one
• 21:41
  of the most heart touching relationship a person can think
• 21:46
  of is their relationship. With them 100%.
• 21:49
  I was reading a scientific study because I I had trouble sleeping
• 21:55
  and I couldn't fall asleep until I would tap on my pillow.
• 21:58
  And then I said OK. My mum used to tap my back when
• 22:03
  I was young to fall asleep, but I was like, OK, there's there's
• 22:05
  got to be some correlation here, Let me go do some reading.
• 22:07
  And I did. And psychologists say that the
• 22:12
  reason that this happens is because it resembles the
• 22:15
  heartbeat the infant would hear when the mother was pregnant.
• 22:20
  Yes. So when you'd hear that
• 22:22
  heartbeat and you'd sleep in the womb, you have taken that upon
• 22:27
  your whole life as something that resembles safeness or
• 22:31
  safety and warmth. So the only time I would feel
• 22:37
  safe, for example, when I'd fall asleep, was when I'd hear the
• 22:39
  taps. And honestly, like the there's a
• 22:44
  narration that says that's an attribute to Rasulullah Muhammad
• 22:47
  Ali Ali as narrated by Imam Masada Khali Islam.
• 22:50
  He says that Rasulullah said in this narration someone came to
• 22:54
  him and asked who should I satisfy, who should I be kind
• 22:59
  with? And then Rasul Allah says your
• 23:02
  mother, then who, then he's like, your mother, then, who
• 23:05
  then your mother? And he's like, then who's like
• 23:07
  your father and your father. So it's your mother.
• 23:11
  So it's your mum, your mum, your mum, then your dad.
• 23:13
  He doesn't put the dad in any lower status, he just puts the
• 23:15
  mum in a really. They're showing the status of
• 23:18
  the mother. Yeah, you know, he's.
• 23:20
  Emphasizing 3 times. You've got to, you've got to.
• 23:23
  And then when you read the recital Hakuk, it's so much
• 23:27
  insight into why Imam is Sadjad. This is .22 over recital hakuk.
• 23:33
  He will say that the write upon your mother, the write upon you,
• 23:40
  the right of your mother upon you, is that you know that she
• 23:44
  held you, she was pregnant with you, and that she would feed you
• 23:49
  from the fruit of the heart, which no one can, which no one
• 23:52
  feeds, right? And then she protected you with
• 23:55
  all her organs, protected you with all her organs, and that
• 24:00
  she was willing to be hungry if you ate and thirsty if you for
• 24:05
  you to drink, keep you safe from the warmth, from the cold.
• 24:09
  She would be in the sun for you to be in the shade.
• 24:11
  The imam is listing these out, amongst other things.
• 24:14
  And then he goes on to say she would, if I can just make sure
• 24:22
  of what the imam says, he says and she would give up her sleep
• 24:33
  for you to sleep. Then the imam says the only way
• 24:37
  you can show your gratitude to your mum is through the aid of
• 24:43
  Allah and tawfiq from Allah. That's the only way you can show
• 24:48
  your gratitude to your mum, because showing your gratitude
• 24:51
  to your mum and really, when you look at the whole, you know,
• 24:56
  grand scheme of of of motherhood with the child and the infant,
• 25:00
  you know how much when you are sick, your mum's by your side.
• 25:05
  Yes, you know, when you're sad, your mum's by your side.
• 25:07
  Dads do do that as well. But there's that bond we.
• 25:11
  We cannot do it to the same degree.
• 25:13
  There's that bond, there's that feeling.
• 25:16
  My mum always says to me, I know what you're thinking, I know
• 25:19
  what you're feeling. I'm like, don't do this mum.
• 25:23
  How? Because there's that really
• 25:25
  special bond and I look back and I think.
• 25:27
  It's like a sixth sense it is that the mums have, honestly.
• 25:31
  It is. And you know you look at the
• 25:35
  mothers in the history of Islam, look at the mothers look, look,
• 25:41
  look at what what, what we have all that imams had mums, right?
• 25:48
  And all our prophets had mums. You know Nebi Musa Ali Islam
• 25:52
  with his mother. Very interesting story of a of a
• 25:56
  mother son relationship. You have Mereya Ali Salam with
• 26:00
  Aisa Ali Islam, the miracle that it isn't also a story you have
• 26:06
  and you can go on and you go on and you just look and you're
• 26:15
  like mothers are really heroes. Mothers are heroes.
• 26:21
  So how do we how do we show that gratitude.
• 26:24
  And once you recognize that I need the aid from Allah, Azza,
• 26:29
  Wajal and tofik from Allah to show my gratitude, it changes
• 26:33
  the whole perspective. Everything changes.
• 26:36
  Everything changes. Because now I'm like everything
• 26:38
  that I do. Is that enough?
• 26:41
  I'm all I bought you a gift. It's not the same as I held.
• 26:44
  Yeah, I can't repay. That.
• 26:47
  It's not that I shared every piece of food that I ate with
• 26:49
  you. It's not that I protected you.
• 26:51
  And so you. It's just something to ponder
• 26:54
  about really. And the Quran also also says
• 26:59
  this in in a verse where If I'm not sure if I'm sorry if if if
• 27:07
  I'm not wrong in or. Yeah, also a nice story.
• 27:19
  Lukman and his sons, right? This.
• 27:22
  Is insulat lukman or was Saina insana biwali dehi hamalat who
• 27:27
  wahana Allah wahan NI. And there is that If you don't
• 27:50
  thank your parents have you thanked.
• 27:51
  Allah gives us that emotion. If you don't thank the the the
• 27:58
  person, you thank the owner. So you you look at it and you
• 28:02
  just look at the holy Quran and you're like mothers.
• 28:06
  The fact that there's that miracle of holding the baby,
• 28:10
  that whole situation in itself is just a really holy spiritual
• 28:16
  I can't find the right word. I'm struggling to find the right
• 28:18
  word, the unique unique. No other relationship in any
• 28:21
  family dynamic or community dynamic or what we have a
• 28:25
  relationship with. Nothing comes like the son and
• 28:27
  the daughter with the mother, That's why.
• 28:30
  I'm saying. Because.
• 28:32
  They, they they they took care of us at a young age,
• 28:35
  specifically the mother. I think a lot of us really.
• 28:38
  It really hits home when in shot like you become a father and you
• 28:43
  see your your wife go through all of that pain and trust me as
• 28:48
  a as a husband or as a dad in that situation you you witness
• 28:52
  it from the outside you know and.
• 28:53
  Not just that you remember your mother.
• 28:55
  That's what I'm saying, bro. Like, it makes you think of a
• 28:58
  whole new daddy. I remember when I first had my
• 28:59
  first child, I said to my mother, I was like, did did you
• 29:02
  really do that for me and not just for me, for all of my
• 29:05
  siblings? You know that?
• 29:08
  And then of course you, you have the mothers who who go through
• 29:11
  so much for their children to to live a good life.
• 29:14
  You have, you know, it's unfortunately some children who
• 29:16
  are who have disabilities or or pet kids who are born in
• 29:20
  difficult situations. There are mothers right now.
• 29:22
  We talk about in in the Gaza and Palestine, the lack of support,
• 29:26
  maternity support there. Like there are mothers who are
• 29:29
  going to the ends of the earth to make sure that they can
• 29:32
  deliver their baby well and then raise them, you know, raise them
• 29:36
  with safety and sanctity like you said.
• 29:37
  That's such an important point. That's a very, very important
• 29:41
  point. But not what that I'm going to
• 29:42
  be really honest with you, if you don't mind me kind of taking
• 29:45
  on a slight tangent in in the West society we live in, I'm
• 29:49
  really frank. I feel like there are, there are
• 29:55
  two types of people. There are those who value their
• 29:57
  parents and recognize the status of the parents and parents who
• 30:00
  recognize the importance of raising a child well because
• 30:02
  they are very symbiotic. They go completely hand in hand
• 30:05
  in that sense. And then of course you have a
• 30:08
  lot of youth, and sometimes not just youth, even adults who
• 30:11
  don't value their parents. The devaluation of parents maybe
• 30:15
  in in Western society now is as bad as it has been, and that
• 30:19
  might be a result of so many different factors.
• 30:22
  It could be like the social media and children now
• 30:26
  teenagers, young adults who are just who who are lacking a pure
• 30:30
  and wholesome relationship with their family, particularly their
• 30:32
  parents. It could be bad influence and
• 30:34
  bad company and witnessing your friends talk back to their to
• 30:37
  their parents or lying to their parents to get out of being in
• 30:40
  trouble or whatever. And and those kind of challenges
• 30:44
  are still faced. I'm sure many of us, myself,
• 30:47
  especially there there were times in my youth where I would
• 30:50
  feel guilty for doing something, or, you know, or now I'd feel
• 30:54
  guilty by the time I'd do something because I wanted
• 30:56
  something for my own benefit. I'd do, I'd get away with it by
• 31:00
  maybe, like, not telling the full truth or doing something
• 31:02
  secretly or whatever. Yeah, OK, we're young, 10/12/13,
• 31:06
  whatever it is. But maybe society has taken us
• 31:10
  on a bit of a different direction.
• 31:12
  And I feel like a lot of youth now have conflicted
• 31:16
  relationships with their parents.
• 31:17
  I recognize that my mother and my father are important.
• 31:20
  I still love them the most in the world, but the love I have
• 31:23
  for them maybe isn't what it should be.
• 31:25
  And that might be a result of my parents not respecting me, or I
• 31:28
  feel disrespected, or it might just be because I don't see the
• 31:31
  respect I should have for my parents.
• 31:33
  So I mean, so yeah, it's a it's a difficult one.
• 31:36
  It is, is. And you know, you mentioned like
• 31:38
  love and all these are all the emotions.
• 31:40
  Let's see, I I think what can control all these emotions in
• 31:43
  the right direction is if you understand the definition of
• 31:46
  respect with your parents. Because I mean for us and as
• 31:51
  Muslims, we sort of understand and value the relationship we
• 31:53
  need to have with our parents. And if you don't show us an
• 31:56
  opportunity for you to understand, But I mean you can
• 31:58
  be non-muslim, you can be Christian, you can be Jewish,
• 32:00
  and you don't even have to believe in a God.
• 32:02
  You sort of know on the foundational level what your
• 32:06
  mother, your mother is to you or what your father is to you.
• 32:09
  But Islam goes further, because Islam tells you exactly how to
• 32:14
  speak with them, how to treat them, how to look after them,
• 32:17
  how to be thankful to them, how to be grateful with them.
• 32:20
  Yeah, there's like an desire encyclopedia just for you and
• 32:23
  your parents. That's.
• 32:24
  True, it doesn't just say sorry to interrupt you, but like,
• 32:27
  correct me if I'm wrong, it doesn't just say love and
• 32:30
  respect your parents. Like Western?
• 32:31
  Yeah, like Western society is. Love your parents by buying her
• 32:35
  a perfume. Yeah, that's material.
• 32:38
  Gradual. Yeah, it's material.
• 32:39
  But Islam know you. It comes from the heart and it
• 32:41
  truly means it. And you mentioned very
• 32:43
  beautifully early on that verse from the Quran.
• 32:45
  It reminds me of none of us where you said you know where
• 32:49
  they put being thankful is this hand in hand with being thankful
• 32:54
  to your parents. There's another verse in sort of
• 32:56
  thing this up where a lot of he goes and believe in Allah an
• 33:04
  associate no one with him and be kind to your parents.
• 33:11
  So a lot of basically believe in, believe in the Lord, make
• 33:15
  sure there's no shirk fault or head straight after that and be
• 33:19
  good to your parents. All three side by side.
• 33:21
  You know what's interesting? It wasn't.
• 33:24
  Mentioned. One time, many times, though,
• 33:32
  and there's heck. Shirk right.
• 33:44
  And then it's exactly what you were saying.
• 33:45
  Right. So we have we have ber on one
• 33:47
  side and we have a hawk on the other side.
• 33:51
  Right. You've got the two polar 2
• 33:54
  opposites right? One is you should do because
• 33:58
  Allah has said what by the way they need Hassan.
• 34:00
  So you've got to goodness kindness it's goodness Ber how
• 34:06
  can you describe so ber would be goodness with your parents.
• 34:12
  It would also be there's a specific word goodness with your
• 34:20
  parents feel feelial piety. Filial piety is actually not a
• 34:27
  term for brerelywe then it actually comes from Chinese.
• 34:31
  Ancient Chinese scripture confunctious was a philosopher
• 34:36
  who lived back then and came up with filial piety, which
• 34:40
  basically is the idea of Berulwaden, which comes from
• 34:45
  Rasulullah Muhammad Salah And of course the the message of that
• 34:49
  started from Adam and goes on Berulwaden, right That which is
• 34:55
  filial piety or goodness or kindness.
• 34:57
  With your parents that's on one side and you've got the
• 35:02
  opposite. So anything that's not BIR could
• 35:04
  be awkward. And I had the conversation with
• 35:06
  my dad and I was, we were talking about this, the full
• 35:11
  scenario is, but if we're going to be, if we're going to be
• 35:13
  frank, the full scenario was, Bubba says.
• 35:17
  Bubba says not the bargain of the Hill once.
• 35:20
  Bubba, says the broad beads. Hey, I love it.
• 35:23
  Can you please actually say Alush?
• 35:25
  Because I love his Iraqi. Alush would be but I'm just so
• 35:28
  accustomed to Iraqi now I don't say I did not take the rubbish
• 35:36
  out. I said I'll do it Baba if I
• 35:39
  don't I had this side I'll cook I was like let's have a
• 35:43
  conversation about this. Now I want to know because is
• 35:46
  that is that am I because barely Wally then and if you if you go
• 35:51
  into ber what's beautiful about the Quran if we had just the
• 35:57
  Quran this is without going to the narration of the the Quran
• 36:01
  in the the verse Mukadara Buka Allah has decreed that you
• 36:06
  worship no one but him and in goodness with your parents then
• 36:09
  he goes on to say and so Allah has set the standards here
• 36:17
  anything more than off. Red zone, Red line, Red zone.
• 36:21
  What optional baba's like. I haven't haunted back.
• 36:30
  I haven't done any that's just off.
• 36:32
  Right. And there's only more number of
• 36:34
  letters and imagine different words.
• 36:36
  People use and. That is, I can't do that.
• 36:41
  Imagine I can't do that. And there's a narration that
• 36:44
  even a negative look, which we'll get to in Charlotte in a
• 36:48
  bit, but it's the same polar opposite as well because better
• 36:51
  than what I did. There's a narration that says by
• 36:53
  the a debate attributed that says I think it's he says that
• 37:00
  smiling to your parents out of love is a form of worship.
• 37:05
  Yeah that's. Did you get what I'm saying?
• 37:08
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 37:08
  Also that's just smiling or or that's looking sorry, sorry,
• 37:11
  looking at your parents right. That's.
• 37:13
  By the same logic, you could say in the opposite.
• 37:15
  Right. For what is this two sides just
• 37:17
  above? OK And I I come and I say I
• 37:22
  don't want to do this, but I didn't.
• 37:27
  It was just a conversation. It's not that I was tested.
• 37:28
  I wasn't like because me and my dad handed our very good, very
• 37:31
  good friends. So we'll we'll chat.
• 37:32
  I was like, OK, So what if I don't And we're like, I'll call
• 37:36
  because that is it? Is it?
• 37:37
  Is it not, is it not. So we went and we were listening
• 37:39
  and we were reading and doing and.
• 37:41
  So you both collectively went to research this, Yeah.
• 37:44
  We went to go see. That's amazing.
• 37:45
  We went to go see because we let it.
• 37:47
  We let it go. We'd listen to something we
• 37:50
  like, look at this video. Yeah, yeah.
• 37:53
  I was like, oh, no worries. So I'll go and I went and I was
• 37:56
  listening to to one of the scholars speak about it and he's
• 37:59
  like alcohol in definition and he gave it Arabic.
• 38:02
  But we can, we can, we can we can translate it is a situation
• 38:07
  or an action done that could harm the parent.
• 38:14
  Intention, not intention, physically, not physically
• 38:18
  either alcohol. Then I answer back to my parent.
• 38:25
  I've disrespected my parents. Baba, why are you getting
• 38:29
  involved? I've broken that right?
• 38:33
  But the scholar says that you don't necessarily.
• 38:39
  If the father doesn't have the right to force you to take this
• 38:44
  decision, but then the son needs to also abide by what the
• 38:52
  parents says. Dilemma.
• 38:54
  Real dilemma. And this was interesting because
• 38:57
  in law, if you go to transnational and UK commercial
• 39:01
  law and commercial law or you go to maybe law of business
• 39:06
  organisations, not as much criminal law, law of evidence,
• 39:10
  you'll often see a lot of the time something called a duty.
• 39:15
  So the police has a duty, the police or the prosecution.
• 39:19
  In criminal law, the prosecution has a duty to share all relevant
• 39:26
  evidence with the defence. Either duty you need to.
• 39:30
  If it undermines the prosecution's case, you need to
• 39:33
  give it in. And there's conditions where
• 39:39
  they could reach that duty. Then if they, if they do this,
• 39:44
  say they they didn't find it relevant and it might not be a
• 39:48
  breach of duty. So they don't need to practice
• 39:50
  it. For Quiliwa had has his duty.
• 39:52
  The parents have their duty. But if I want to go here and my
• 39:58
  dad's like, no, sit here, I have a duty to say Baba because
• 40:02
  you're my dad, I'm going to listen to you.
• 40:04
  That's whoa, he has a duty not to do that.
• 40:06
  At the same time, do you get what I'm saying?
• 40:08
  For there's that balance of powers and everyone's got their
• 40:11
  own duty, but at the same time there can be conversations.
• 40:16
  But it doesn't and this comes down what I'm trying to get to.
• 40:20
  This comes down to 1 main thing which is respect.
• 40:22
  I was going to say mutual respect.
• 40:24
  It's got to be, it's got to be. So once you realise the right of
• 40:29
  the parent and when the right of the child and you look at the
• 40:32
  Quran for example, where it says you need to and then the Imam
• 40:35
  has said that Salaam along with the Ahul Beta Ali Hum Assalam
• 40:42
  give you a number of rights of the parents.
• 40:44
  Now I'm seeing this, It all comes down to respect.
• 40:49
  You don't need to have a crazy relationship with your dad to
• 40:52
  have respect. Respect is the same way you
• 40:55
  respect someone, you go to school the same way.
• 40:58
  Yeah, there's people that will respect their teacher more than
• 41:00
  respect their sibling for example, or their parent just
• 41:02
  because there's teachers who were who were a teacher.
• 41:04
  It's the same application. You've just got to do the same
• 41:06
  thing. Even the teachers have rights.
• 41:11
  You know, you know, it can get. This is why this is where I
• 41:14
  think it gets interesting and really sticky because Hamdallah,
• 41:16
  we've all got amazing parents and I think we've been raised in
• 41:19
  Hamdallah and in a really good way may Allah bless them, But
• 41:22
  there's there's times where you come across these situations and
• 41:25
  things get really difficult. You know, we had, we were
• 41:28
  looking at some dilemmas earlier and there are times, for
• 41:32
  example, where you may may choose to do something a certain
• 41:36
  way different to the way your parents taught you, and your
• 41:38
  parents may intervene and they say no, you should do it this
• 41:40
  way. Let me give you an example.
• 41:42
  If someone becomes a parent and they want their child to have a
• 41:48
  certain routine, it's not a bedtime routine or whatever.
• 41:51
  This is a huge one. Yeah, this is a big one.
• 41:54
  A bedtime routine for your kid. Every parent has a rigorous,
• 41:57
  like perfectly crafted and designed routine.
• 42:00
  If you mess up that bedtime routine for your kid, game over.
• 42:03
  Your whole week is ruined. So.
• 42:05
  Yeah, yeah. So anyway, for example, let's
• 42:08
  say hypothetical situation, your parent, your mum or your dad
• 42:11
  comes to you and in my case, let's say for example they say
• 42:13
  Ahmed, you're why are you putting your kid to bed so late
• 42:16
  or why are you putting your kid to bed so early.
• 42:18
  You shouldn't do shouldn't do it this way.
• 42:21
  So this hasn't happened just to clarify but I'm just saying if
• 42:23
  it did I'm at a position where I would think so.
• 42:27
  I I have a logic to my approach of doing things as a parent.
• 42:31
  I've become a parent but at the same time I respect my parent.
• 42:35
  I have a duty towards them as you're saying they have they
• 42:38
  should make you know they realise that what what they're
• 42:41
  telling me is not Wajibat, not instructions rather advice and
• 42:45
  suggestion and and they may say I'm your.
• 42:47
  I have wisdom. I have years ahead of me.
• 42:49
  I have years behind me and you have years ahead of you.
• 42:51
  So there comes a point where respect and and tolerance is
• 42:56
  very important to understand and to be mature enough as a son or
• 43:01
  as a daughter to say look Baba or Mama.
• 43:04
  I've chosen to do this a certain way and this is my reasoning
• 43:07
  behind it. I love and I respect you, but
• 43:09
  let me tell you why I do this without saying yes or no to
• 43:12
  them. And then as a parent, maybe you
• 43:13
  can reciprocate because I understand, I understand why
• 43:17
  I've chosen this way and I I'm suggesting this to you For these
• 43:22
  reasons. Now, that way you begin to
• 43:24
  understand each other on a more mutual level.
• 43:26
  And even if the son or the daughter does something
• 43:28
  different to what the parent may have done, there's understanding
• 43:32
  there. That's a big, big factor missing
• 43:35
  in modern day relationships with parents.
• 43:37
  I think that's a very important one because it may not always
• 43:40
  comes down to why jabbar halal Haram.
• 43:42
  There's that, you know we all know the examples your parents
• 43:45
  tells you to do something Haram. You could there's the only time
• 43:47
  you could say no to yes. OK.
• 43:48
  But we're past that stage now. So we're in a stage now.
• 43:51
  For example, I I want to send my kid to secular school, my
• 43:54
  parents says no, send them to Islamic school or vice versa.
• 43:57
  What do you do? Do you get me?
• 43:59
  So I think those these are the situations which a lot of our
• 44:02
  youth find themselves in. Maybe some of our parents as
• 44:05
  well, my my son or my daughter has a a way of doing things and
• 44:08
  and I want to know how to go about it.
• 44:10
  But wouldn't wouldn't that be down like to how it's
• 44:13
  communication skills? I I think that's what it is,
• 44:17
  especially if you don't have like, Islam telling you how to
• 44:19
  navigate your communications. Let me ask.
• 44:23
  You a question, Sir. Go on.
• 44:24
  Do you think it starts from young like yeah.
• 44:25
  And he for example Mashallah your father he he he must have
• 44:31
  the way you said he the qualities you have come from him
• 44:34
  That's because he led by example.
• 44:36
  So when he was a young, when you were a young man, four or five
• 44:39
  years old even, he would maybe talk to you and say, Ali, This
• 44:42
  is why you have to do this. Fold your clothes and brush your
• 44:45
  teeth and go, you know what I mean?
• 44:46
  The communication starts from young.
• 44:48
  So you you adopt that psychology internally.
• 44:51
  You apply it to your social life, you apply it to your your,
• 44:54
  your, your relationship with your friends, eventually with
• 44:56
  your kids. And then when your parents have
• 44:58
  that later on with you, they you adopt it with them as well.
• 45:01
  Do you see what I mean? I think that's really important.
• 45:04
  You're right about communication.
• 45:06
  Yeah, it's nice to bring that up because now I'm thinking, yeah,
• 45:08
  I need my father passed away when I was 15.
• 45:11
  Yeah, I'm 31. So like in my crucial years
• 45:15
  between like say 15 till I got married, my felon, I think it
• 45:20
  was mainly my mum that that relationship I had.
• 45:23
  But if I can go back early on and you said, you know, from the
• 45:25
  upbringing, I cannot remember a time.
• 45:27
  I genuinely cannot remember a time when my father either
• 45:31
  forced me to do something or shouted at me to do something.
• 45:37
  It was all like showing or telling or why don't you join
• 45:42
  me? Why don't we do this together?
• 45:44
  I sent, I sent even like with telling the truth, you know,
• 45:49
  let's say I've done something wrong.
• 45:51
  Fathers nowadays they say tell me the truth.
• 45:53
  Now did you do or not? Yeah.
• 45:55
  What was my like example? I'm not saying I'm unique.
• 45:58
  This I think is a very good example to share and people can
• 46:01
  learn from can. I ask you to give us an example
• 46:02
  of something your father encouraged you to do, or
• 46:04
  something that you you remember, like he asked you to to do
• 46:08
  something or to go somewhere or to say something, which maybe
• 46:11
  you are reluctant to, but you did it and now you're.
• 46:13
  Grateful. Yeah.
• 46:13
  So I used to have like a a jar where where I used to get like
• 46:16
  coins and put money in and I'd be excited.
• 46:19
  Yeah, he's big, was a metal tin. So one day I had to open just to
• 46:25
  count how much money I've I've had inside and we've been saving
• 46:27
  this. I had one, my sister had one
• 46:30
  ever had like their own tin. I opened mine and put it in the
• 46:32
  back and colours. And I remember my dad came to
• 46:34
  put money in. He was like, oh, this is open.
• 46:37
  I would not own up. And then he was like, you're not
• 46:41
  going to get in trouble, whoever opened it.
• 46:43
  But yeah, And if you tell me, just don't do it again.
• 46:46
  And it was sort of, listen, what you did is wrong, but I'd rather
• 46:50
  you say the truth than lie. Ah, OK Do you get it?
• 46:54
  So, yes. So I think those things become
• 46:56
  very crucial as you grow up do. You feel like you become like
• 47:00
  that as a dad? I think, I think, yeah, I really
• 47:02
  do. So that definitely hasn't.
• 47:06
  That definitely hasn't. Because you know when you said
• 47:07
  he has a rubbish taking out the rubbish in that situation, I was
• 47:10
  thinking, Oh my, my son is 2 years old, so I haven't given
• 47:14
  him that responsibility yet, but the time will come.
• 47:16
  But I was thinking like how? What would I say if I was a dad?
• 47:19
  That's a really good question. Bo.
• 47:21
  Bo just asked me. He was like, Ali, can you?
• 47:23
  Yeah. Well, he was like, do it.
• 47:24
  Who's like, can you? And of course, like, he
• 47:28
  shouldn't even have to ask. He shouldn't have to ask.
• 47:31
  Yeah, I should be accustomed already to.
• 47:34
  Well, and that custom thing when you learn it becomes automatic
• 47:37
  is the best. But if you know when you said to
• 47:39
  your dad, what if I don't like as just as curiosity?
• 47:42
  Rather than Rebecca, I was like, well, no, I was like, well, what
• 47:45
  do you think? What do you think if someone
• 47:47
  like like myself, a son and their father and I was like, but
• 47:49
  I don't want to do that, right? And of course that in itself is
• 47:53
  disrespectful because I've reached my duty of listening to
• 47:57
  my father. Why?
• 47:59
  What's my excuse of not doing that?
• 48:02
  Nothing. Well, it's two steps.
• 48:04
  Modbach the bin and I come back in.
• 48:08
  Marco, Marco and I, I let my 50 year old dad do it.
• 48:10
  It doesn't make any sense logically, you know, But I would
• 48:13
  have breached my duty here, you know?
• 48:16
  That's what I loved about it. From hearing the conversation
• 48:20
  now, it appears that it's just respect, right?
• 48:24
  And I think that respect needs to come from the both sides.
• 48:29
  Yeah, we're going to get into this right after this because I
• 48:33
  want to justify something, but say we have a plant.
• 48:36
  Hello. When you've got a seed, you put
• 48:37
  it in the soil, it starts to grow.
• 48:39
  The plant needs two things. I don't know, biology, Please
• 48:42
  don't correct me. It needs two things.
• 48:44
  Has said my year five biology, sunlight and water.
• 48:50
  Yeah. Constant sunlight, constant
• 48:52
  water. It needs doing moderation, but
• 48:55
  it needs them. Without sunlight the plants
• 48:58
  going to drown. Without water, someone's going
• 49:01
  to burn the plant. But once it's equally being put
• 49:04
  on at the right time, in the right place, balanced, balanced,
• 49:07
  what happens? The plant flourishes, starts to
• 49:10
  make out beautiful flowers. Consider the plant to be the
• 49:12
  father's child, mother child relationship and the water says
• 49:18
  that what you are putting in and the sunlight is that over
• 49:22
  shining respect that your parents give you don't
• 49:27
  necessarily. You don't come and order your
• 49:28
  dad boba. How do you respect me?
• 49:30
  No, no boba. Boba Boba knows how to deal with
• 49:33
  these. Things you know.
• 49:35
  And I don't need to judge or I need to say, Bubba, you're not
• 49:37
  respecting me. You know what I need to come
• 49:39
  say, Bubba, you're not respecting me, which we're going
• 49:40
  to get into in a bit. For all that shade, that
• 49:43
  sunlight is the parents putting on that respect.
• 49:46
  And it grows. And those flowers are the fruit
• 49:48
  that grows as experiences. It's experiences.
• 49:51
  So in the in the in the dilemma of, let's say parent and child
• 49:55
  are are disagreeing on what time the child's child should go to
• 49:59
  sleep. There's nothing wrong with.
• 50:02
  Wait, should he get children? He's.
• 50:05
  Going to come back, He's going to give up 50 examples.
• 50:10
  But, but, but to me, because I had this, OK, I was the
• 50:13
  grandchild, yeah. And I was staying up part of my
• 50:16
  bedtime and my theatre being my theatre, my BB, I was always
• 50:22
  kind of like, we'll spend time with you, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 50:26
  Just to stay up. Are you like me?
• 50:28
  Like I may love bless our grandparents as well.
• 50:31
  I'm still. I'm still like.
• 50:33
  I feel like I'm my grandmother's favorite of all her
• 50:36
  grandchildren. Maybe I'm not.
• 50:37
  I don't know. Like, can I speak Arabic?
• 50:39
  My grandmother Theta in Hafi de Galli after the Hafir.
• 50:47
  And here what I'm saying is that tester just know that I'm your
• 50:50
  favorite grandchild because we're having this conversation
• 50:52
  constantly. I think I'm my favorite.
• 50:54
  But you know, my, my, my, my mum would always tell my grandma No,
• 50:59
  sorry. My grandma would always tell my
• 51:01
  mum. You're being too soft on.
• 51:03
  You're being too hard on. Ahmed, Relax, relax.
• 51:05
  He's just a kid. He's a boy.
• 51:06
  My mum would discipline me and all.
• 51:08
  My dad would discipline me and my grandmother would defend me.
• 51:11
  Definitely. The relationship with the
• 51:12
  grandparents, that's a whole different thing.
• 51:13
  Mel. A blessing.
• 51:14
  They're there. You know our house cousins.
• 51:15
  Get so annoyed because my grandma.
• 51:19
  Is always asking, yeah, we had this.
• 51:24
  I had a cousin argument like who's the favorite here?
• 51:27
  Trying to because like our grandmother plays a big role in
• 51:29
  the family. She's she's so loving, bless
• 51:34
  her. And she always has our backs.
• 51:36
  Always, you know. But everyone's always trying to
• 51:39
  point out like I'm the favorite. She's asking about me more than
• 51:42
  you. So we'll text and we'll, we'll
• 51:44
  see. But yeah, definitely.
• 51:45
  I think I was in that and I would see and I would think they
• 51:48
  would deal with it really nicely.
• 51:49
  But it wasn't. It was.
• 51:50
  It wasn't a disagreement. But in the scenario that it is a
• 51:52
  disagreement of what's beautiful is what's wrong with having a
• 51:59
  respectful dialogue, Yeah, it doesn't need to be
• 52:01
  argumentative. Can I ask you so you know, like
• 52:04
  sorry said follow. No, no.
• 52:06
  I was going to say like you. Know you to the brother.
• 52:07
  You know, the, the, the, the point of what would I do if I
• 52:12
  said no to my parent? Yeah.
• 52:13
  OK And what would the parent do, for example in that situation if
• 52:17
  a parent for example, I need to take the bins out.
• 52:21
  No dad, I don't want to. I'm not I don't keep coming like
• 52:23
  this. And I know you took my dad, I
• 52:25
  know you took the bins out. He's he's raised you well,
• 52:27
  Marshall a lot. But I'm saying if in the case
• 52:30
  someone didn't do that. If the dad in that situation
• 52:33
  shouts at his son, you know, God forbid raises his hand at him,
• 52:38
  you know which is Haram, full stop.
• 52:41
  Or maybe even says that's fine, I'll do it later myself.
• 52:45
  If you're on either extreme then your your son in that situation
• 52:50
  is not going to take you seriously.
• 52:52
  He's either going to think he's an oppressor or he's a pushover.
• 52:55
  Do you see what I mean? Now a son in this is my humble
• 52:58
  opinion at the age of 1516 years old.
• 53:01
  If a son is doing that, psychologically he's thinking
• 53:05
  I'm saying no to my dad or my mum because I believe that I can
• 53:09
  get away with it. Right circle in the back of your
• 53:10
  mind. You think I'll get away with it.
• 53:11
  Subconsciously that might be because of years of prior
• 53:14
  experiences. At the age of five, 710 years
• 53:16
  old, you've been able to get away with it, which is why the
• 53:19
  the hadith on the 777 is so important and to be implemented
• 53:23
  in the right way. If I'm not mistaken Hadjasneh
• 53:26
  Rajabali had a really good lecture on it last Muharram.
• 53:30
  And like we grew up hearing these.
• 53:32
  This hadith dissected but he smashed it out of the park and
• 53:35
  he talked about, but it's it's then brings back the football.
• 53:40
  As a parent, your job starts from the day the child is born.
• 53:43
  Do you know what I mean? Not from, you know, when they're
• 53:46
  old enough to talk and when they're old enough when they
• 53:48
  start going to school. Yes.
• 53:49
  Not because they learn from experiences and the way they
• 53:52
  treat you. Later there will be a result on
• 53:54
  how you've treated them in their earlier years.
• 53:56
  Yeah. You know what I mean.
• 53:57
  Yeah, it's a panel. I think everyone goes around,
• 53:59
  comes around. You know, I was listening to
• 54:01
  say, Joe, as we need, he talked about the role of a father with
• 54:05
  his children if he's got multiple children.
• 54:07
  He said if you as a father, if your children, this is about
• 54:11
  your siblings. Granted, not your father and
• 54:13
  child, but if your children respect each other and have love
• 54:18
  for each other, you have done your job as a father.
• 54:20
  You'll go to gender, you know. But if you're someone, you do
• 54:24
  your CR, you do your Salah, you pay your homes, you go Hajj.
• 54:27
  But your kids don't love or respect each other, or they
• 54:29
  don't love or respect you. You failed as a father and that
• 54:33
  blew my mind as like span Allah, as a father, your job is to set
• 54:38
  the example to be the role model.
• 54:40
  You're the leader of the house and you should be setting the
• 54:42
  standard of love and responsibility and your kids
• 54:46
  will learn from that, you know, So I don't know how you guys
• 54:49
  feel about that, but I feel very, very strongly about about
• 54:52
  the responsibility of a dad specifically.
• 54:55
  I know obviously that the role of a mother is so important.
• 54:58
  Charlotte, we can go into it more as well.
• 54:59
  We'll have a mother on Charlotte.
• 55:01
  We we actually have plans to have a sister on with her
• 55:04
  husband and to talk about parenting and what not.
• 55:07
  So, but that's that's a whole, whole conversation again.
• 55:10
  I think, I think that's beautiful about the parents and
• 55:13
  the children. What I was thinking as soon as
• 55:15
  you said father and children, I thought of Nabiallahi, Akub,
• 55:18
  Ali, Salam, his children, because in my head the story
• 55:23
  that's also a beautiful story of father, son.
• 55:24
  The Quran's full of it, full of these stories between Germans.
• 55:29
  Lessons. That's all the twos of it starts
• 55:32
  off. It's a good.
• 55:34
  Counselor, the best DDD fail as a father.
• 55:40
  I'm not sure why that's that's a bit more.
• 55:42
  It's more than there's many examples of of, you know from
• 55:46
  the first human being on Earth they'll be.
• 55:47
  Yeah, that's true. From the first, yeah, it's a
• 55:49
  good counselor argument, but I think is it a more generic
• 55:52
  point? That is, your role as a father
• 55:53
  is to keep the harmony, keep the peace, and to be to to be the
• 55:57
  the one, the protector, the the one who overwatches like a
• 56:00
  lighthouse. You steer the shit at home.
• 56:02
  You steer the shit you're you're looking out for your family,
• 56:05
  you're protecting your family and that's why we go back to the
• 56:07
  hadith, Muhammad said. It's all allahu aleya walia.
• 56:10
  Send them about respecting the the women and the children and
• 56:13
  it starts from the young age, it does subhanama.
• 56:15
  So it's a very, very important point.
• 56:16
  Yeah I I want to just go back on say if a father breaches his
• 56:23
  duty right and the son's sitting there and he's now hurt.
• 56:30
  Very nice narration by one of the infallibles Ali Ham Islam.
• 56:35
  I can't remember exactly which Imam is who says 2 narrations.
• 56:41
  Imam Ubaka Ali Islam says that there's three things in which a
• 56:45
  last pile of home Wataila has not permitted for them to be,
• 56:50
  let's say broken or what's the word.
• 56:53
  It starts with AF them to be kind of like gone against right,
• 57:02
  Right, forsaken, forsaken, forsaken.
• 57:06
  And the one to the third one is the kindness and goodness to
• 57:11
  your parents, regardless of they whether they're good or evil,
• 57:15
  right? That can't the parents or your
• 57:18
  parents, not the narration. Imam Sadiq Ali.
• 57:22
  Islam, if I'm not wrong, says the prayer.
• 57:26
  Allah does not accept the prayer of the one who looks at their
• 57:30
  parents with hatred. Even if they've oppressed him,
• 57:36
  they don't warn against him. Even if they the look of hatred.
• 57:42
  You know, you just shouted at me like that.
• 57:44
  That leads to Allah and not accepting the prayer and the
• 57:48
  prayer. And what did Dean in Kobe?
• 57:50
  That yeah. And if it's accepted everything
• 57:52
  else after it's accepted, that's prayer.
• 57:55
  If that prayer is not accepted out of me, looking out of
• 57:59
  hatred, no hatred necessarily out of me.
• 58:02
  It's just like. Resentment.
• 58:03
  Resentment. That's the word, you know?
• 58:05
  And you just shouted at me and I'm just like like that.
• 58:07
  That will lead to my prayer not being accepted.
• 58:10
  That's scary. That's and that's regardless of
• 58:13
  whether they've done volume against me or not.
• 58:17
  The the the whole point is is that if someone struggles with
• 58:21
  their parent remember you've got a duty.
• 58:24
  You're on what I left. You've got a duty.
• 58:27
  And if there's two parties going on here, they, your parents have
• 58:31
  their duty, you have your duty. The judge on the end of the day
• 58:35
  that's going to deal with the court case is the last panel
• 58:37
  with Allah. He's going to hold everyone
• 58:38
  accountable for their duties. You've got to make sure.
• 58:43
  And of course, isn't this, this, this, this shouldn't become a
• 58:46
  habit of saying, well, my parent Baba, you know, you just broke
• 58:49
  your duty. You, you just, you know you're
• 58:50
  going to be held accountable. You've got to have that respect.
• 58:55
  Hopefully no one there's that. Exactly.
• 58:57
  You don't wanna have that, you don't even wanna have.
• 58:59
  You wanna have such love and respect regardless of what your
• 59:02
  parents do. And surely your parents or your
• 59:05
  parents, they have that. In the rare case cases that that
• 59:08
  connection, emotional awareness may not be there, it could be
• 59:14
  that you know, you've just got to make sure that you don't do
• 59:17
  anything to jeopardise yourself and always ensure that they're
• 59:19
  happy. Because you know your parents
• 59:21
  most of the time, A lot of the time, 99% of the time they're
• 59:24
  not going to react negatively if you haven't done anything
• 59:27
  negative yourself. And that word happiness with
• 59:30
  your parents is so key, is because with you, so long as
• 59:38
  your parents are pleased with you, I.
• 59:41
  Asked, I asked my BB about this exact point.
• 59:43
  I said what if someone like in the context of this
• 59:46
  conversation? I said what if someone resents
• 59:48
  their parents? How do you deal with that
• 59:51
  situation? She said you cannot.
• 59:54
  You cannot abandoned your respect for them and the way you
• 59:57
  treat them, the way you speak to them.
• 59:58
  You should remain nice and remain polite.
• 1:00:00
  Remain calm with them, have some other with them.
• 1:00:03
  The. Imams use the word gentle,
• 1:00:05
  gentle. Yeah, have that gentleness, that
• 1:00:08
  compassion when you speak to your parents.
• 1:00:10
  And then even this is what she told me, her advice even at that
• 1:00:13
  stage, if your mother or your father is still disrespecting
• 1:00:16
  you or maybe you're they're doing a volume on you, turn to
• 1:00:19
  Allah, Allah and say this is in your hands.
• 1:00:22
  But you know what's very important?
• 1:00:23
  It's very important I think at times to with with with
• 1:00:29
  everything being correct and not kind of breaching any Islamic
• 1:00:32
  rights or responsibilities, but to even set boundaries.
• 1:00:35
  I really believe that, and obviously this is sensitive, but
• 1:00:38
  different boundaries. With your parents?
• 1:00:40
  With your parents okay now what I mean by this is for example.
• 1:00:44
  We have like once you have your own family, you mean for
• 1:00:46
  example. It could be either before or
• 1:00:47
  after, but obviously it's easier when people move out of the
• 1:00:49
  house or whatnot. But there are people in our
• 1:00:51
  community who have been, you know, God forbid, you know,
• 1:00:54
  abused by their parents, neglected by their parents.
• 1:00:56
  I know people who have told me that their parents would ignore
• 1:00:59
  them in school, wouldn't care about their education, parents
• 1:01:02
  who don't go to parent teacher day or who don't come to your
• 1:01:05
  sports days. You know, small things like that
• 1:01:06
  when you're young. They mean a lot to the child.
• 1:01:08
  Yeah, they do. You remember that growing up,
• 1:01:10
  right? Did my parent, were they
• 1:01:12
  encouraging me to do after school clubs, taking me to my
• 1:01:15
  friends houses, inviting my friends over to my house, small
• 1:01:18
  things like that? Were they pushing me to go to
• 1:01:20
  Sunday school, my dresser or whatever it is teaching me the
• 1:01:23
  Holy Quran at home? Like these are are for us at
• 1:01:26
  Hamden, they were part and Passover upbringing.
• 1:01:29
  You know there's a lot of people who don't have that, right?
• 1:01:32
  So when they get to an age where they are and adults, yeah, I
• 1:01:35
  mean they are past the age of 21 and they are.
• 1:01:38
  Or they've moved out even for university and they've now
• 1:01:41
  discovered their own identity. They think, how much of that do
• 1:01:44
  I want to inherit and pass on to my children?
• 1:01:47
  They may even think, how much of a relationship do I want to keep
• 1:01:50
  with my parents? You must keep a relationship
• 1:01:53
  with your parents. But the relationship you keep
• 1:01:55
  with your parents should be on the basis of how how much
• 1:02:00
  they'll bring you towards a lost pantala.
• 1:02:02
  Because if there are, if there are parents who are who are
• 1:02:04
  distancing you from a lost pantala, I mean that's core.
• 1:02:08
  That's the core principle of of a parent and child relationship
• 1:02:11
  is that this is a relationship which is guided by a lost
• 1:02:14
  pantala and created by a lost pantala.
• 1:02:16
  And ultimately they a parent has to understand that and a child
• 1:02:19
  has to as well. So when I say boundaries, what I
• 1:02:22
  mean is is for example, do not allow yourself to be put into a
• 1:02:25
  situation where you may react with anger with your parents for
• 1:02:29
  example. You know that something.
• 1:02:31
  From boundaries on your own self.
• 1:02:33
  On yourself, for example, you know if you do something it
• 1:02:36
  might provoke your parents. So it's like you have
• 1:02:38
  situational awareness as you're dealing with I.
• 1:02:40
  Have a friend I know I'm going on but I have a friend who is a
• 1:02:43
  reaver OK? He was a Sikh brother.
• 1:02:46
  I met him in university Mashallah.
• 1:02:48
  He was like a amazing guy. He converted when we were in
• 1:02:52
  university. He became Shia, OK?
• 1:02:55
  He used to tell me. He used to say when I pray in
• 1:02:57
  front of my parents, it angers them like it.
• 1:03:00
  It causes anger within them and then I get angry.
• 1:03:04
  So I lose my 10 LB, my mother or dad or my or my father.
• 1:03:07
  So he would say, now I have to pray in privacy or I pray away
• 1:03:12
  from them so I don't anger them. So he's put a boundary on
• 1:03:15
  himself so he doesn't provoke or instigate a further reaction
• 1:03:18
  from his mum or dad. I think that's very important
• 1:03:20
  because not all of us have the the perfect relationship or even
• 1:03:25
  a healthy relationship. I think the majority of how
• 1:03:27
  people do is really important to mention, but there are those who
• 1:03:30
  don't. And yeah, there's it's it's a
• 1:03:33
  it's a difficult, difficult situation.
• 1:03:36
  You know, sometimes I've seen brothers like I would not know
• 1:03:42
  their dad's name. I just don't know.
• 1:03:43
  For example as Abu Jasim but you know, there's been certain
• 1:03:48
  certain scenarios I've been to like my friends houses a long
• 1:03:51
  long very very long time ago where the brother will call his
• 1:03:54
  dad by his name. I'm like.
• 1:03:56
  Allah. What?
• 1:03:57
  By his first name? Yeah.
• 1:03:58
  Oh my God. Yeah, for me that was so
• 1:04:01
  shocking. I felt like I was going to have
• 1:04:03
  a panic attack because you wouldn't dare do that to your
• 1:04:06
  teacher at school. You'll call them Mr., I don't
• 1:04:09
  know with their Surname of Respect, for example.
• 1:04:12
  Needed to see on that and I used to see.
• 1:04:15
  It humor or they were genuinely. No.
• 1:04:18
  And and and that response, that's the relationship that
• 1:04:21
  they had is Masha'allah. But it goes to show Yani if if,
• 1:04:25
  if dad can't have a good relationship with son and son,
• 1:04:27
  can't have a good relation with dad, you, well, they will
• 1:04:30
  embarrass you in front of anyone.
• 1:04:33
  And for that, imagine your own son embarrassing you, being
• 1:04:37
  disrespectful to you, being rude to you in front of other people.
• 1:04:41
  Yeah, what's that going to do to him?
• 1:04:42
  See you just hit the nail on the head and narration by Imam
• 1:04:49
  Rodali Salaam attribute Imam Rodali I'm thinking how to land
• 1:04:52
  what if I'm not wrong the imam says the right of your father
• 1:04:59
  adding on to the many rights specifically this just just to
• 1:05:02
  go to show you know the rights of the father can be so minute
• 1:05:06
  we don't even recognize and it's good that if we're setting self
• 1:05:10
  boundaries because when I when I first was listening I I've got I
• 1:05:16
  was under the impression of boundaries between Walla Baba
• 1:05:19
  this is my life until you stay over there but self boundaries
• 1:05:22
  definitely but self boundaries need to also be kind of this
• 1:05:26
  recognition of what's what what the arm says now he says the
• 1:05:29
  right the right of your father upon you goes on to say you
• 1:05:33
  don't call him by your first name.
• 1:05:34
  Oh, he says. That I've never.
• 1:05:39
  Heard this? And then?
• 1:05:41
  I don't even think this is Islamic.
• 1:05:42
  I thought there's like normal. Respect then, the imam says.
• 1:05:46
  Walking in front of your dad, sitting down before your dad.
• 1:05:51
  I'm bringing anything which can bring the people, and it's
• 1:05:56
  something imparts to the eyes of the people, something I'm not.
• 1:06:00
  I'm not it doesn't say the word eyes, but it's in regards to the
• 1:06:03
  people and you doing something in representation of your dad
• 1:06:07
  that's really basic. Yeah that's really in households
• 1:06:11
  we'll be OK to and I'm unfortunately my dad's in the
• 1:06:17
  kitchen. I'm going to sit and eat, but so
• 1:06:20
  why it's it's not Danny. It's.
• 1:06:23
  It's it's you just don't. You don't, You don't.
• 1:06:26
  You're in that situation, but that's the like, my yeah, you
• 1:06:30
  know, when you, when you realize even walking, you know, in the
• 1:06:35
  human mind, sometimes you're growing up and you walk in front
• 1:06:40
  of your dad and you'll become 21 and you're walking in front of
• 1:06:44
  your dad and you clock my backs towards my dad, you know, that's
• 1:06:50
  a. Fool, right?
• 1:06:51
  And the imam says that the right is that you don't walk in front
• 1:06:55
  of him. I have respect even this is like
• 1:06:58
  with teachers as well. You'll also see that a lot of
• 1:07:00
  times it's you don't walk in front of your teacher and you
• 1:07:03
  don't sit before your teacher with your father.
• 1:07:08
  It's really special. And the boundaries it's it's
• 1:07:12
  nice to mention boundaries as well.
• 1:07:14
  I believe in a lack of boundaries, Not self boundaries,
• 1:07:18
  but boundaries between the parents and the child.
• 1:07:20
  Because it's it's what works, because there when there's a
• 1:07:25
  when there's a lack of boundaries let's say, it allows
• 1:07:28
  for there to be clarity for my Barber knows that if I'm put in
• 1:07:33
  that certain situation I might get frustrated just because of
• 1:07:38
  so much clarity throughout the years where Barber knows yani.
• 1:07:44
  I'm a I'll give a I'll give I'll give a real life example.
• 1:07:48
  I'm a person in my room. If I'm doing something or if I'm
• 1:07:52
  praying or if I'm. Watching after my.
• 1:07:55
  Or watching after my Please do some Where's my camera?
• 1:07:58
  Please do subscribe if you haven't already.
• 1:08:01
  Or or watching a podcast Or writing my essay, for example.
• 1:08:04
  I'm really focused. I'm really, I'm really focused.
• 1:08:06
  Let's just say if someone walks into my room really loudly and
• 1:08:13
  startles me, I'll just for some reason I'll get really
• 1:08:15
  frustrated because I'm on a train of thought where I'm
• 1:08:18
  really indulged in a podcast or whatever after my hib and I'll
• 1:08:22
  just get really stressed out like this.
• 1:08:23
  I was really into that. I'll get, I'll get part of this,
• 1:08:26
  I'm just like you, just you know, you stun me.
• 1:08:28
  But the second part is like my train of thought has gone
• 1:08:31
  everywhere that situation. My dad knows that if my sibling,
• 1:08:38
  who's younger than me, were to come do this, I'll get a little
• 1:08:41
  bit like tensioned up the whole way.
• 1:08:44
  You straight away just recognise it and we'll deal with it an
• 1:08:47
  hour away. So I'm going to, like start
• 1:08:49
  screaming no, no, no, it's just I just get a bit frustrated.
• 1:08:52
  Same thing with it's. Like an understanding.
• 1:08:54
  Exactly. My mother knows.
• 1:08:56
  So when that happens, my dad will look towards my my sibling
• 1:09:00
  and we'll say next time, please not for example for who he does
• 1:09:04
  it on my behalf with my mum. For example, she'll know certain
• 1:09:08
  things about me. My dad will know that.
• 1:09:11
  And this makes things a lot more easy in the future.
• 1:09:13
  It makes a lot more easy in the future when it comes to for the
• 1:09:15
  Shabab with marriage, when you're open with your mum and
• 1:09:18
  your dad and you, you come out a.
• 1:09:20
  Young age, Sorry to interrupt you, but you've got a good
• 1:09:22
  relationship with your parents and and you're lucky and you're
• 1:09:24
  a good son. You've got good parents.
• 1:09:27
  But I'm talking about specific When I say boundaries, I mean
• 1:09:29
  specifically those who don't, or specifically those who are
• 1:09:33
  abused by their parents. Both.
• 1:09:34
  There is a lot of parents. When I when I used to teach in
• 1:09:36
  Sunday school, I used to have kids who would talk to me in in
• 1:09:40
  in confidence and tell me about for example, you know how they
• 1:09:46
  would have parents who swear at them or maybe who would teach
• 1:09:48
  them the wrong things or who would abuse them, maybe hit them
• 1:09:52
  lock them in the rooms, you know what I mean?
• 1:09:54
  Obviously these are extremes. You know, extremes.
• 1:09:56
  Or for example, if you know that your parent is is sensitive
• 1:10:00
  about something very specific on yourself, you say, OK, maybe I
• 1:10:04
  should wait before I say this or maybe I shouldn't do this in
• 1:10:06
  front of him. I'll wait for solely the purpose
• 1:10:09
  of keeping civility between one another and not and not kind of
• 1:10:13
  making things like heated unnecessarily.
• 1:10:16
  Because that will then unfortunately, if you, if you
• 1:10:19
  get into a culture of arguments with your parents and with, you
• 1:10:24
  know, disrespect. Back and forth, chatting.
• 1:10:27
  Trust me, trust me when I say this.
• 1:10:29
  There's a good chance when you become a parent, you'll be like
• 1:10:31
  that as a parent as well. You'll think it's OK.
• 1:10:33
  It's acceptable to call your kid names or to you know, for
• 1:10:37
  example, a small example. Today my son accidentally hurt
• 1:10:42
  his little sister. So I have AI have a daughter,
• 1:10:44
  Marshall Law. She's she's very sweet, but
• 1:10:46
  she's she's under a year old. She's a baby, my son.
• 1:10:49
  There's a couple of years of running around, toddler jumping
• 1:10:51
  and climbing. He hurt her in error, but he
• 1:10:53
  hurt her. There's a moment inside me where
• 1:10:56
  I'm like really upset. So only seen me in the past.
• 1:11:00
  When my son has hurt my my daughter, like what it does to
• 1:11:04
  me, it stresses me out. You've got a newborn baby by the
• 1:11:06
  time you know, you've got to think like, what can I do as a
• 1:11:09
  dad to to not overreact, to make him think to for him to know
• 1:11:14
  it's not OK to do that, but at the same time for him to realise
• 1:11:17
  that I don't overstep my my own boundaries as a dad.
• 1:11:20
  Yeah, specifically, Do you know what I mean?
• 1:11:22
  Yeah, it that's that. What was it to reflect and to
• 1:11:27
  think what I was trying to suggest was if someone's in that
• 1:11:30
  situation, which is just as a proposal, someone's in that
• 1:11:34
  situation, not the best relationship with the parents,
• 1:11:36
  the parents are a bit too rough. Yeah, what if you tried to
• 1:11:40
  stretch that hand out first, right, And was to sit down and
• 1:11:43
  say, Barbara, do you want to do this?
• 1:11:45
  Really put in that effort, even if you're getting rejection.
• 1:11:47
  Of rejection to make it work, Barbara.
• 1:11:49
  Would you do this, Barbara? You know, when you said that
• 1:11:52
  kind of why? And that could be a part of the
• 1:11:55
  reform and the building and then that becomes a bit more
• 1:11:59
  openness. It will start to create that
• 1:12:02
  relationship, that friendship, because every every person
• 1:12:04
  doesn't become a friend on the interval through experience
• 1:12:06
  where it's a bit rough in the beginning and then you become
• 1:12:08
  really good friends. Same thing in in that rough
• 1:12:10
  situation. So I was just thinking maybe if
• 1:12:13
  you know, trying to the same way that you were saying that you
• 1:12:17
  had to, you had to think and you dealt with it in that right way.
• 1:12:20
  What if the opposite side were to be like what if I deal with
• 1:12:23
  it in a different and I don't make boundaries just because of
• 1:12:27
  the negative experiences. Instead I allow for more open
• 1:12:30
  conversation, look for reform by yourself.
• 1:12:33
  That's I think. I think, I think, yeah, it's
• 1:12:35
  really. Interesting.
• 1:12:36
  It just goes to show that these are we.
• 1:12:39
  We go through life sometimes. We don't scrutinise ourselves.
• 1:12:42
  We don't have that Muha Sabha. We don't have self
• 1:12:44
  accountability. How am I?
• 1:12:46
  How am I treating my my parents, my kids, even my siblings?
• 1:12:51
  Like there should be a continuous feedback report that
• 1:12:54
  you give yourself and you can even ask for the feedback from
• 1:12:57
  them. Do you feel respected by me or
• 1:12:58
  do I treat you well? Because I think it's very
• 1:13:01
  important to have that that communication is so critical.
• 1:13:03
  I. Think it's beautiful?
• 1:13:04
  Yeah, I think it's beautiful. I don't usually think about that
• 1:13:07
  as well without doing that. You know what, It's got me
• 1:13:09
  thinking and I I think it's like a final point from me, I think
• 1:13:12
  in the conversation is that someone may be listening to this
• 1:13:15
  podcast and he's thinking, you know what, OK, maybe I need to
• 1:13:17
  better my relationship with my father or with my mother, but
• 1:13:23
  why should I? What benefit is there for me?
• 1:13:26
  A lot of people say like, what's there in it for me?
• 1:13:28
  And they probably I'm not talking about respect for
• 1:13:31
  parents. I'm talking about the parents
• 1:13:32
  who have, for example, being abusive towards you or some
• 1:13:36
  parents have been, you know, neglectful sometimes you can
• 1:13:39
  have a father. Yeah, father figure was absent
• 1:13:41
  24/7. These things do happen.
• 1:13:43
  But I think it's important that first of all, you built that
• 1:13:46
  relationship back with the respect no one's telling you go
• 1:13:50
  above and beyond. But that most basic level thing
• 1:13:54
  that needs to exist, because I generally believe it, and I've
• 1:13:57
  seen it and I believe in it, and I will.
• 1:14:00
  I won't say I promise you, but I can guarantee you that the
• 1:14:03
  respect you have with your parents guarantees your topic.
• 1:14:06
  Respect you have with your parents guarantees the blessings
• 1:14:09
  and the bounties and the mercy. But lost upon us, on you and on
• 1:14:12
  your offspring. We see it around us all the
• 1:14:15
  time. And here we are saying Ravel,
• 1:14:17
  Allah and all these things. And people have the audacity to
• 1:14:20
  be rude to mum. People have the audacity to be
• 1:14:23
  rude to their father. There was a story.
• 1:14:25
  I'll end with the story. Some of the companions came to
• 1:14:31
  him and they were like, you know, there's this brother, he's
• 1:14:34
  on his deathbed. He can talk, he can say
• 1:14:38
  everything, but he can't say the he can't say, he can't say the
• 1:14:44
  most basic thing. We all believe as a Muslim he
• 1:14:47
  can do everything else apart from these two things.
• 1:14:50
  So he start inquiring, you know does this brother pray?
• 1:14:53
  Yes. He prays.
• 1:14:54
  Does he falls? He's doing all his wajibat.
• 1:15:00
  Now he's thinking, I need this is Rasul Allah.
• 1:15:04
  But it's not that he didn't know.
• 1:15:05
  He's trying to show everyone around him and for us the lesson
• 1:15:08
  to learn, he goes to him, go bring me his mother.
• 1:15:13
  His mother came and she, she says, you know, she bears
• 1:15:18
  witness that you know my son Hamdulillah.
• 1:15:19
  He's praying. He does all his wajibat, all his
• 1:15:23
  Islamic duties and everything, but he neglects me.
• 1:15:30
  So Rasulallah tells him, can you forgive him?
• 1:15:34
  Can you forgive him? He tells her.
• 1:15:36
  She tells him no, like God will be happy with him because he's
• 1:15:39
  he's a good Muslim. That's what he done to me.
• 1:15:42
  He left me alone. She did.
• 1:15:43
  She was a widow. He left.
• 1:15:44
  He left me alone and there's no one there.
• 1:15:47
  I'm not going to forgive him, Rasul Allah tells her He's now
• 1:15:51
  pleading with her. It didn't work.
• 1:15:53
  What did Rasul Allah do? He told the companions.
• 1:15:56
  Go bring some planks of wood and set on fire.
• 1:16:00
  He sets on fire. The mum goes, Oh my God, it's
• 1:16:02
  too hot what's going on here? And he's right in front of me,
• 1:16:04
  he he told her. Although this guy believes in
• 1:16:08
  the caliber, he can't say it. He's prayed, he's fasted, he's
• 1:16:11
  he's given his account everything.
• 1:16:12
  The fact you can't forgive him, Allah will never forgive him.
• 1:16:16
  So you can be the best Muslim in the world.
• 1:16:18
  You can read all the Quran you want.
• 1:16:20
  You can pray all the Salat al you want.
• 1:16:22
  You can be good with your neighbour but back to your
• 1:16:24
  parents. You can be good to your own
• 1:16:25
  spouse but back to your mother. You can be good with your
• 1:16:28
  community but the worst with your family.
• 1:16:32
  Nothing will save you more than the love and the respect and the
• 1:16:35
  Rahman, the Moab and the mercy show to your parents.
• 1:16:39
  It's important. As someone who has lost the
• 1:16:40
  father, take the symbols, I said.
• 1:16:44
  Wow. Wow.
• 1:16:46
  That's that's the reality of. Life, say mothers because.
• 1:16:49
  When we die, bro, there's a Saab and there's a Saab.
• 1:16:52
  Let's be on that right side of the book.
• 1:16:54
  You know, we say Urdu, we say maki dua, the the of your mother
• 1:16:58
  is not turned down by. Last time and we all want the
• 1:17:03
  the prey of our mothers of. Course.
• 1:17:05
  Who doesn't? Whether it's university, whether
• 1:17:08
  it's work, whether it's marriage, whether it's anigo ZR,
• 1:17:11
  whoever it. Is the mother of the the the
• 1:17:17
  heart of the mother I heard when when Ali Akbar al Islam goes out
• 1:17:24
  and you know I see Ali Slam says that line where go back inside
• 1:17:27
  and be dark where I heard. Yeah.
• 1:17:30
  And of course the heart of our father and I think it's also
• 1:17:38
  maybe to end on a high note. Do you remember that we as the
• 1:17:42
  Shah out of the Ali Beta Ali Hum Salaam have two very important
• 1:17:45
  fathers, says I know Ali me and Ali are the fathers of this.
• 1:17:54
  So how blessed am I to have two fathers like Rasul, Allah and?
• 1:18:01
  The. I can't say it.
• 1:18:03
  Ali. Hum Salaam.
• 1:18:06
  So yeah, I think. I think, yeah, Mum, Mum's dad.
• 1:18:10
  Is the best. Yeah, so I'm not, I'm not scared
• 1:18:13
  about my exams cause of. No.
• 1:18:17
  And if you're I'm sure your mum and dad will change into this
• 1:18:20
  episode. I don't know which camera is
• 1:18:22
  gonna be on me, but I'm. Gonna say.
• 1:18:26
  This upbringing. Is what we need.
• 1:18:28
  He teaches us honestly. Your much younger brother, he's
• 1:18:31
  teaching us. And and and and and just the way
• 1:18:34
  you say it all and that you have and everything I know definitely
• 1:18:37
  goes back to your father and your mother 100%.
• 1:18:39
  Very good. Of course a lot of Hana what
• 1:18:41
  Allah can always make it easy for you to be in this character.
• 1:18:45
  But the parents play a key role here and inshallah you know, you
• 1:18:49
  give this to your offspring and you give the same vibe to
• 1:18:52
  whoever you go to and the way, because now I want to be even.
• 1:18:55
  The way you speak about The way you speak about your mother and
• 1:18:57
  your father. May Allah Subhan Allah bless you
• 1:19:00
  and bless them even. More and bless you and your.
• 1:19:02
  Families. Honestly bro, honestly, we we
• 1:19:05
  should all emulate the way you speak about them and they seem
• 1:19:08
  to be they seem to be incredible parents in the way they respond
• 1:19:12
  to you and the way they look out for you.
• 1:19:13
  They guide you and they teach you have the love.
• 1:19:15
  Will will bless you. We we have that with our parents
• 1:19:17
  and our grandparents smell our blessing.
• 1:19:19
  Thank you bro so much for coming.
• 1:19:21
  Thank you guys are having me I. Need to shake this.
• 1:19:24
  Would you Would you come back on after Magnum?
• 1:19:27
  Yeah, maybe. Definitely.
• 1:19:32
  Definitely. Love you.
• 1:19:35
  Love having you. Thank you very much for having
• 1:19:37
  me. Absolute honour.
• 1:19:38
  We love a lot. I loved it.
• 1:19:39
  I love you guys, would like have you very much after.
• 1:19:42
  Thank you so much, guys at home last night, you think?
• 1:19:45
  We know we've had a lengthy conversation.
• 1:19:47
  We know it's been a long one, but there's we've, I think we've
• 1:19:49
  unpacked so many different topics.
• 1:19:50
  We've got into so many different things.
• 1:19:52
  I know we had. Even more, I'm upset we're
• 1:19:54
  ending the conversation. But yeah, the production team
• 1:19:58
  has told us to to wrap up. So.
• 1:20:01
  So yeah, thanks guys. Anyway guys, last night in your
• 1:20:03
  comments how you feel about this conversation, have you got a
• 1:20:06
  situation which you want to share something maybe you've
• 1:20:08
  learned from a lesson which you've learned from.
• 1:20:10
  Is there a story in the hadith or in?
• 1:20:12
  In the lives of the holy prophets, or even though I ain't
• 1:20:15
  my little slum, which really touches you or has taught you
• 1:20:17
  something about parents, let us know, said.
• 1:20:20
  I need any last words. May Allah give you all the Tofir
• 1:20:24
  and pray for us. Yeah, please.
• 1:20:26
  We know. I mean you guys.
• 1:20:27
  Yeah, Annie, if inshallah God answers the prey of your mother,
• 1:20:30
  which inshallah he would thank you very much.
• 1:20:32
  When if you pray for us, inshallah all our hajats will
• 1:20:35
  be. We need, We need, We need.
• 1:20:39
  I pray for our listeners and. Of your kindness, thank you very
• 1:20:43
  much. All right guys, lovely to be
• 1:20:45
  with you. As always we will be back next
• 1:20:47
  week. Smash that subscribe button.
• 1:20:49
  Make sure you follow and share this with your friends and
• 1:20:52
  family. Share it with your mother and
• 1:20:53
  and your father and siblings that you love her and.
• 1:20:55
  BB. Yeah.
• 1:21:00
  Take care guys. We'll see you next week.