Latest / DA CREW Podcast / BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY WITH QUEEN TRIVEDA | SPECIAL GUEST MR & MRS CHARLES REAMES | FINDING LOVE: LIFE AFTER DIVORCE

Transcript

BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY WITH QUEEN TRIVEDA | SPECIAL GUEST MR & MRS CHARLES REAMES | FINDING LOVE: LIFE AFTER DIVORCE · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:57
  Speaker 1: Where voices rise, stories shine.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: And purpose meets the world. Welcome to the crew.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Come on in.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: This is where it starts.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: We are the change.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: We are the change.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Right here in our hearts.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Welcome home, welcome through. There's a place for you. The
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: crew around the world.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Lifting every voice too. We make space for the voiceless.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Hope for the undeserved.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Real talk, real stories. Every voice deserves.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: To be heard.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: Streaming live, we on the move.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Facebook, Twitch, kick YouTube.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: From the mic to.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: The nations, we build transformation.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Change begins with us. Faith, purpose, power, trust. Seen around
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: the world tonight.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: That crew shining bright. Come on in and this is
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: where it starts We are the change Right here in
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: our hearts Welcome home, welcome through Mmm She's got a
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: story written deep within her soul. Pages full of battles
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: only heaven knows.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: Through the pain, through the pressure, through.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: The tears she had to cry. She found strength in
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: the valley and lifted her eyes. South Carolina roots, but
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: her voice travels wide. Calling dreamers forward, telling fear to
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: step aside. With every word she speaks, somebody learns to stand.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: Because she knows what it means to be held in
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: God's hand.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: R & B. Good evening and welcome to Believe in
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: the Journey podcast where I'm your host Trevita Harris. Tonight
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: we have a returning guest. She's been here many times before.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: She is my best friend, but we got a really
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: good topic for tonight. She's got an upcoming anthology coming
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: up and it is titled After the Vows, Finding Love
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: After Divorce, Volume 2. So if you didn't get Volume 1,
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: you need to get that so that you can catch
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: up on Volume 2. because two is leading to where
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: we are now. But before I bring her up and
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: before we get into this conversation tonight, you know we
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: have to go to God in prayer first because we
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: can't do anything without him. So let's do that. Dear
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing us together as you
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: do each and every time we're in front of you.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: Let the words of our mouths fall upon the ears
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: that need to hear. Let this conversation about love and
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: relationships and healing and learning how to find love again
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: in whatever the circumstance may be, whether it's the loss
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: of a loved one and learning how to move forward
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: in that, just let the words of our mouths fall
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: upon the ears that need to hear and let people
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: know that they can find love again, even after they
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: have been divorced. That is not the end of the world,
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: that you are still in the midst of everything that
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: they have going on and you are the source that
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: brings everything to fruition. In your precious and holy name, Jesus,
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: we pray. Amen. Hello, hello, hello.
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: Hi.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: How are you?
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: I'm good.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: How are you? I am good. Now, for those who
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: may not know who you are, can you introduce yourself?
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: I am Latonya Reams. I am a native of Spartanburg,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: South Carolina. Originally from Rock Hill, South Carolina. And just
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: recently came back to South Carolina after getting married and
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: moving back home.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay. And who is this person right beside you
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: since they are already in the camera? This is Mr.
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: Charles Reams.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: The second. Now tell us a little bit about yourself.
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: I'm currently working at BMW. I'm from Spartanburg, South Carolina.
• 5:32
  Speaker 5: Graduated from Dorman High School.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Tell them how we feel about them, Kevin.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: I won't hold that against you.
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: It's rough sometimes, but you got to be the best
• 5:44
  Speaker 5: of what you can be.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: Well, we're going to get into this conversation. About finding
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: love after the divorce.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: You did the first book and it was after the vows,
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: a wife story. So we had talked about, well, when
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: we first did that book, I was like, you know,
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: you can really turn this into a series, a relationship series.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: And we did that one. And I was playing around
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: coming up with some different titles and different things.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: Of that nature.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: And I sent that particular book cover. To you. And
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: I was like okay. We'll decide later on. But you
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: chose one. And so we just left it at that.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: But life has a way of showing up. In the
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: real world. When you're going through certain things.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: So the first question.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: I want to ask.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Before we even get into that. Is. What did. ending
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: your marriage look like and how did you know it
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: was time to let that one go.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: So after 22 years of physical abuse verbal abuse emotional
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: abuse um things were not getting better um they seem
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: to have been getting worse um and i heard the
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: lord said it's it's time So, July 10th, 2023, I
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: had a run-in with my ex. And before he took
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: a turn, I texted Deontay and I asked him to
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: come and get me. I didn't start packing clothes until
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: he got there. So, he got there. He came and
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: got me. And I stayed in his apartment. And so, um,
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Deontay took a job, got a promotion and took a
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: job in Atlanta. He told me, he said, mama, I'm
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: going to be moving to Atlanta. So initially I thought, well,
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: where am I going to go? You know, because going
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: back was not an option. Well, mama, I just always
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: figured you go with me. And so I did. Um,
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: And of course you have to be separated for a
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: year before you can, um, get a divorce. I had filed.
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: I have filed, served him myself. Um, which I do
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: believe he thought was a joke. And he had 30
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: days to respond. He did not. So they granted me
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: my divorce. Um, I don't think the ink dried well
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: before I was at the court getting some marriage license
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: to marry my husband. So, yeah, I knew it was
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: over long before I left, but I was at my
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: breaking point, so.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: What did the time apart, what did that healing part
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: look like? Did you take time to get to know
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: you all over again? Because being with someone for 20
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: something years, you tend to lose part of yourself in
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: that and learning how to rediscover yourself. What did that
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: part of the journey look like?
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Well, first of all, I will say that it was tough.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: It wasn't easy. I went through a phase of loneliness.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: I told you this, um, the, the being by myself, um, um,
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: closed off to the world, just sitting at Deontay's house
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: in my room with the door shut. Um, I refer
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: to it as room number two and I only came
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: out to eat everything I needed was on that floor
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: so everything was upstairs so I stayed in there I
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: listened to my gospel music I prayed He and I
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: were talking through Facebook and stuff off and on, and
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: then on the phone off and on. And then after
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: I felt like I was healed, I decided that I
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: wanted to see him. And that was also during a
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: time that my mom was declining very fast. So he
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: gave me himself to lean on. I was able to
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: get through through that that phase of life.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: Well that I mean it's tough especially during a season
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: of yourself healing your own self journey and then your
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: parent right going through the final stages of life because
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: you know I was in that situation with my mom
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: but I was in the middle of building a business
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: at that time. So it was like, God, what are
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: you trying to do? All of this is happening at
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: one time. Who am I supposed to turn to? How
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: is this supposed to look? What am I supposed to do?
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: But having a source of support is a really good
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: thing to be able to have somebody to lean on. Right. Now, Mr. Charles,
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go ahead and get you into this conversation, too,
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: because I see you're over there. what did it look
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: like for you when um you and Tanya started to
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: communicate in along her healing journey after her separation what
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: did that look like and how did she present herself
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: to you.
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: Um I would say it was scary at first I
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: mean Just new ground covered for us both. So finding
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: someone fresh and new. You tend to think that the
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: worst things are going to happen. You see you've been
• 12:23
  Speaker 5: through a lot, especially once you've been through some traumatic
• 12:26
  Speaker 5: experiences in life. So you end up looking for something
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: bad to happen. So you're cautious. You're very cautious at first.
• 12:33
  Speaker 5: But then you have to realize that you have to
• 12:36
  Speaker 5: open up and let someone in.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:38
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: That's very true. You can't be so closed off and
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: you can't punish the new person for what the old
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: person did. And I think a lot of times in relationships,
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: especially when they have been a long-term relationship, a marriage,
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: so to speak, when you've been with someone for so
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: long and the things that they may have done are
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: said to you, they're still new and fresh and you
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: pay attention to patterns and you pay attention to things
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: and you're like, mm-mm. this is a red flag, but
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: then it's really not a red flag. It's one of
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: those things where it's like, okay, this is a personality
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: trait that they have that I technically have to get
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: used to learning this person all over again, because this
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: is a new person. And so you got to learn
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: yourself and you got to learn how to set new boundaries.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Things that you tolerated in the old relationship, you know,
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: that you're not going to tolerate in a new one.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: So I think that is, um, is relevant for any
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: new relationship. What has been the hardest conversation that you
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: two have had since you, um, started dating? And then
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: since you've gotten married, what has been one of the
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: hardest conversations to have?
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: We're not, we're.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: Not just looking at each other.
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: Like, no, we're not going to put all that out
• 14:06
  Speaker 5: there like that, but we can, we can touch on
• 14:08
  Speaker 5: a few things.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Um, Now, I don't want to get all in the
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: personal business, but I do want to know because there
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: are people who are going through this as well, and
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: they need to know that it's okay to have those
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: hard conversations and how to get through it without it
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: turning into an explosive argument because not everybody knows how
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: to communicate with each other.
• 14:33
  Speaker 5: The first step is communication. If you're planning on being
• 14:36
  Speaker 5: with this person, then it's worth the time. Even if
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: you have to take a step back, instead of blowing
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: up and getting argumentative or confrontational, take that time to say, okay,
• 14:46
  Speaker 5: let me calm down and come at this the right way.
• 14:48
  Speaker 5: You're going to have to heal within yourself and be
• 14:50
  Speaker 5: an adult enough to have a conversation, whether it hurts
• 14:55
  Speaker 5: or not.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: So, yeah. That's absolutely true. So, what has been the
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: hardest conversation that you two have had since you started
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: dating and now You're in a new element of newlyweds
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: being married.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: I'll say for me, the hardest part was explaining my disability,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: explaining my spina bifida and the hydrocephalus. Because I had
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: vowed that I'd never explain that to another soul ever
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: again in my life. But here I am explaining the
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: ups and the downs of it and just, um, sharing that, that,
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: that part of my life that is, is, it's hard.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: It's hard for me from time to time, but, um,
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: he's made it easy for me. He, um, you know,
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: I'm the queen of being in the hospital. He's, he's
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: seen a little bit of that, um, since we've been
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: married and, He stood by my side, and I will
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: say what stood out the most, when he took me
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: to the hospital, they took me to the back. They
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: said that they were going to get some blood. I
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: was back there just a little bit too long for
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: his liking, so he came looking for me. And I'm
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: talking to this nurse, and she got IVs in both arms,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: and I'm talking to her, and I was like, I'm looking,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: I see him walk by. I said, wait a minute.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: I said, that look like my husband. I said, I
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: know that bald head anywhere. So as we got up,
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: when she finished to take me to my room, he
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: was standing at the nurse's station. And I was like, see,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: I told you, I know. I said, that's my husband. But, um,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: but yeah, just to go back to what you were saying,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: the hardest part for me was explaining, um, the birth
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: defect because not everybody gets it and not everybody wants to,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: you know, sometimes you can explain something to somebody and
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: it's tunnel vision, you know? So, yeah.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: And if they don't like, you don't, especially for yourself, Didi, me,
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: we don't look as if there's something wrong.
• 17:29
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: And so it's like an invisible illness. And so, Most
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: people think that being sick, you have to look a
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: certain way. It has to fit in a certain box.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: And when it doesn't, they can't understand. Well, you don't
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: look sick. Why are you doing all of this? Why
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: are you saying you need this? And it's like, yeah,
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: I don't look sick every day, but my body tells
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: me that I'm sick. I feel the pain that I feel.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: My body does weird things sometimes. There's no rhyme or
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: reason to the things that it's going to do. One
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: day is good and it can be within a couple
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: of hours with my condition. And that's a hard thing
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: to explain to somebody. So I can understand that. Charles,
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: what was the hardest conversation you had to have with Tanya?
• 18:21
  Speaker 5: Telling her about my past and being open and honest
• 18:25
  Speaker 5: about it.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: That can be a tough situation, but When you truly
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: love each other and want what's best, those hard conversations
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: can happen and they can bring you closer if you're
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: willing to be open and honest. And I think a
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: lot of times, most of us, we're afraid to do
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: that because of the prejudgment or the situations that have
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: happened prior to it keeps us, well, I told the
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: last person this and they used it against me. And
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: they're probably going to do it the same if I
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: tell them. But if you go through life thinking that
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: everybody is the same, you're not going to be able
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: to receive the love that God has out there for
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: you in that space. You know, so we have to
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: be honest with ourselves, not just with ourselves, but with
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: our partners as well to know that it's OK to
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: be open. It's OK to be honest. It's OK to
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: be vulnerable. It's okay to take baby steps. It's okay
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: to do those things. So next question I got is
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: basically when it came down to actually getting your divorce
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: and and getting that final paperwork, what did that feel
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: like for you?
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: It felt like freedom.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: I can agree with that because when I got mine, honey,
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: I jumped up and down.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, baby.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: I was like, I am going to celebrate this right
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: here because it took so long to actually get the divorce.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: And so I ended up having to go through so
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: many things, so much turmoil, so much foolishness just to
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: even get my divorce. So when I finally got the divorce,
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: even though like mine, like it wasn't final because we
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: had our hearing and everything. And then I still had
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: to wait an additional, I want to say, two and
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: a half months before I got my final divorce decree
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: in the mail. Because we had the hearing, but it
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: wasn't finalized until the judge had signed off on it.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: So it was like, nope. You ain't free yet. You
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: can't go get married right now. You got to wait.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: And I was like, Lord, Jesus. So our divorce hearing
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: was June the 10th. I didn't receive my final divorce
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: papers until August the 14th. Wow.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: And so it was like life was still kind of
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: on hold for me. And so going through the.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: The stage of learning myself and, you know, all of that,
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: it took a lot of work and it took a
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: lot of growth and patience on my side. Do you
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: feel like part of your old marriage, do you feel
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: like there was any accountability that you have on that
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: relationship going the way that it did and ending the
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: way that it did?
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I take full accountability for my part in it
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: all because there were so many times that I should
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: have left and I stayed. So that part is on me.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: You know, just trying to.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: You know, when you hear the Lord tell you it's
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: time to go, the smart thing to do would be.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Is to go, yeah. Because he's not going to stop
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: until you actually do what he's telling you to do because...
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: I know I prayed and I, when it was time,
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: like I had been making empty promises saying, hey, if
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: you don't get this together.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: I'm going to leave.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: And I didn't do it. And then that final time
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: I said it, I prayed and I asked God, I said,
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: if this is not where you want me to be,
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: you're going to have to provide the provisions for me
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: to get out because I don't have anything and I
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: don't know what I'm supposed to do. And God provided
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: everything that I needed to leave. And so I also
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: said that if you get me out of this, I
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: won't go back. And I have not been back. And
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: that is the thing that I have learned about prayer. Prayer,
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: if you believe and trust in God, and sometimes you
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: got to sit down and be still to hear him clearly.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: Because God also speaks too. So we have to be
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: careful and know when God is speaking and when The
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: devil is speaking because sometimes it can be a little
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: tricky and that. But with this new anthology, what are
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: your hopes for it?
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: My hopes for it is that someone will read the
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: book and know that they are worthy of a real
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: unconditional love. That starts with loving yourself first.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Right. Just.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: That is, like, my biggest thing. I want the person
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: to learn to love themselves before they can love anybody else.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: And the reason I say that is because that is
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: something that I still work on. Anybody that knows me
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: knows my history of being adopted and dealing with abandonment
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: issues and... just going from a household where I felt
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: unworthy into a marriage where I felt unworthy and was
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: treated as such it's kind of hard to you know
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: sit inside yourself and say hey I am worthy you
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: know I do deserve a love that's soft and that's
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Created by God. First and foremost. So that's. What I want.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: For the book.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: I agree with that. Once you learn what self love.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: Looks like.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: Feels like.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: Sounds like. And you can really. And truly appreciate. And
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: you can also set. Stronger boundaries for yourself. In that space.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: But if you don't know what that looks like. you're
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: not going to know when to say no, when to
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: stick to your no, and how to set those boundaries
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: because you're willing to accept anything that anybody gives you
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: because you feel like that's all you're deserving of. But
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: knowing when to walk away from somewhere, when to walk
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: away from anything that is not serving you in the
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: way that it should It's okay to know that, hey,
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: I've been there, done that, seen the show, got the tickets,
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: got the t-shirt. I don't want it. I'm going to
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: go on and exit stage left because this no longer
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: serves the purpose in which I am right now. And
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: so I think that this book, Finding Love After Divorce,
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: some people feel like once you've been divorced that no
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: one's ever gonna find you attractive that you can't find
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: love again and that everybody out there is not worthy
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: and right the the dating pool yeah it might be
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: a little infestation of foolishness out there right but You're
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: only going to attract, and this is just my opinion
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: on this, you're only going to attract what you put
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: out there. Right. And if you keep putting that same
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: negative energy out there, and if you keep thinking that
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: you are not worthy of someone to see you, to
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: hear you, to appreciate you, and to love you for
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: everything you've been created to be, then you're going to
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: get what you put out there. You're not going to
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: get anything more than that. And so you have to
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: start loving self first to know what's good for you,
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: what's not good for you, where you're going to set
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: a boundary at, where you're not going to set a
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: boundary at, who you're going to talk to, who you're
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: going to let in your space and in your circle.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: And that's another thing. You can't just let any and
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: everybody in your business when you're in relationships because some
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: people can say, hey, well, you know, I heard this
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: about this person. I heard that about this person. You
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: shouldn't do this. You shouldn't do that. But nobody knows
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: what that relationship looks like besides the two people that
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: are in it.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: You preaching to the choir?
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: And so, you know.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: And I say that because Charles and I started dating
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: February the 2nd of this year.
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: We got married May the 27th of this year. Mm-hmm.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: this is also the year that my mom passed away.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: So everybody felt like I did, the moves I made
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: was out of grief. And it's easy for people to
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: assume something if they don't talk to you. If they
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: don't know where you are in your life, then, you know,
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: it ain't on me what it looks like to somebody else.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: I know what it is for me. And I know
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: what it is for him. um and although this has
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: been a very traumatic year for me because i watched
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: my mama die you know um and when she took
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: her final breath he was the person i called and
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: um he was there for me even if he you
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: know if he wasn't there physically um because he was
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: in georgia and you know um But I was able
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: to lean on him, get her situated, you know, and
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: get her arrangements handled and all of that done in peace.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: I wasn't, you know, scrambling, trying to figure out how
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do this. And, you know, because he
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: walked me through it. He hasn't experienced anything like that because,
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: you know, both of his parents are still here now. thankfully. But,
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: you know, just being able to hold my hand through it.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: it's you know meant more to me than anything.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: Right and people can always say what they want to
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: say from the outside looking in right and it's easy
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: to make judgment based on the last chapter which is
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: why I made that little post I did the other day.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you've seen it, but I made
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: a post and it was basically talking about the new
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: terms and conditions. It's a $ 35 reconnect fee because the
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: person that you knew before, that person no longer exists.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: So the new version of me, you're going to have
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: to get to know me again. And if you're not
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: willing to go with the new terms and the new conditions,
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: then you're going to stay on the outside, you know?
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: And there's no, I'm not being funny, I'm not being mean,
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: but the last person you had access to, she ain't
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: going to live here no more.
• 30:40
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 30:40
  Speaker 7: You know?
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: So then she ain't going to live here no more.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: You got to get updated on new terms and conditions.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: That's just like if you got a new phone or
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: a new service or something. Yeah, you got to update.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: You got to get the newest information about it and
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: you got to go with the new terms and conditions
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: or you just don't be bothered with it.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: You got to let that Android go and get that iPhone.
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: I'm not going with no iPhone. I'm team Android till
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: I die.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: You got an Android too. That's why I said it.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: Exactly. Team Android till I die because I do not
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: want no iPhone. It's quick and it's easy to say, well,
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't do this and I wouldn't do that, but
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: When two people are in a relationship together, it's those
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: two people. Because they have to communicate to each other.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: They have to know what they like, what they don't like.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: And what I'm fixing for myself to eat, you ain't
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: got to eat. And that's what I tell people. What's
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: on my plate is for me. I fix it the
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: way that I like it. Whatever is on your plate,
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: you got it the way that you like it. You
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: might want some fried chicken. Today, I might be in
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: the mood for baked chicken. Now, you over here looking
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: at my baked chicken because you got fried chicken, but
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: your fried chicken look a little dry. Mine got a
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: little moisture in it. I mean, what is you upset for?
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: You chose your plate. Eat what's on your plate. Don't
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: be coming over here looking, kind of trying to compare.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: This ain't for you. You know, but people are going,
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: one thing that I do know for sure also, people
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: are going to talk when they don't have access to
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: the actual person. And you can talk, you can talk
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: all you want to. It's fine. I could kill this
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, the only person
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: that I truly have to answer to is God and
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: God himself. And, you know, as long as he's pleased
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: and I know sometimes I'll be getting on his nerves too.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: And he put me in the cone and time out stuff.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: I know, you know, that he gonna do that, but right.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: It's just what it is. But this book is going
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: to touch people in ways that I think they know
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: that they don't have to stay by themselves. Because you
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: hear all these different foolish conversations on these different podcast
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: platforms where Men are saying this. Well, I need my
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: woman to submit to me. And this is what it
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: says in the Bible. But the Bible also says, love
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: your wife as Christ loved the church. Not just submit
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: to me. And that's it.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: But that's the thing with people. People choose Bible verses
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: that fit their situation at that moment. And then if
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: we're being 100% honest about it, they get the whole
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: verse wrong just to put out that one little piece
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: that justifies.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: What they want. It's justifying their want. It's not justifying
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: a need or anything because needs are necessities. You have
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: to have those things to move forward. But they're quick
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: to say, I need my wife or my partner to
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: submit to me. And then you got some people that
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: says that you know, relationships are 50-50. Relationships are what
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: you make of them, what you put into it, how
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: you want it to go. If your spouse wants you
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: to be at home, taking care of home, and they
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: out doing everything to make sure that the finances are
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: taken care of, that's the relationship and that's the boundary
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: that you guys have set and established in your household.
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: It has nothing to do with anybody else. And so
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: somebody might say, well, My husband cooks all the meals. Well,
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: somebody might say, well, the wife is supposed to do
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: all the cooking. Well, that may be at your household,
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: but in my household, that's not how it goes.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: Let me just say this. My husband is Chef Boyardee
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: up in this piece. He's actually cooking as we, well,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: he just finished cooking as we speak.
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: Look he he what you what you got on that
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: plate girl i see some mashed potatoes no that's scrambled
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: eggs um.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: Oh y'all having breakfast for dinner yeah we having breakfast
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: we got sausage and we got toast but yeah he
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: he he do he he does that but i i
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: say that to say um that's his that's his pleasure
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: that's what he likes to do he likes to He
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: likes to cook. It gives him peace. And that's, you know,
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: that's his thing.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: That's my thing. I love to cook.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: You know me.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: I'm going to cook something down.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: However, you know, he works. He go out and get it.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: And while he's doing that, it's on me to take
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: care of what's in the house. I wash his clothes.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: I cook.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: And you know yourself. Cooking has never been my thing
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: because I don't eat a lot. I can eat me
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: a sandwich and go on about my life.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I seen that little meal you had cooked the
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: other day. I said, look at her in the kitchen.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: Girl. I'm going to make sure my husband eats.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: I am.
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: I say, look at her in the kitchen. Now, one
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: thing I can say. Now, the only thing in this
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: house Dion is allowed to cook is breakfast. That's it.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: He can't cook nothing else.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: I'm not.
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: No, baby. Uh-uh. That's all right.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: Don't do my brother-in-law.
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: Listen, he is the breakfast. Breakfast is his thing. And
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: I'm good with the breakfast. I haven't tried anything outside
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: of that because he quit the microwave something and I'm
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: not a microwave kind of person I'm a prepare from
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: scratch kind of person you know so that is my
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: cooking that's my thing stay out of my kitchen sir
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: don't be in there messing with stuff that's my fortress
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: don't do that I got you you do that but
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: leave my pots and pans alone that's not your space
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: that's not your that's not your ministry okay that's that's
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: not your right so stay out my stuff but you
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: know he will i will say that he is truly
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: going to make sure that everything is taken care of
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: and i don't have to want for anything um he's
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: very supportive of whatever I got going on. He may
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: not understand half of it. And he, he quick to say,
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know nothing about what you're talking about, especially
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: when I'm talking about my podcast, doing my editing for
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: my books and stuff like that. And he, he'll be interested,
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: but then he'll be like, okay, I don't know nothing
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: about none of that. Cause I was talking to him
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: about a book that I'm doing, um, for someone else. But,
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: Stuff with their book is not meshing very well. And
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: so I was telling them I have to have a
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: conversation with them about what's happening. He was like, yeah,
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know nothing about what you're talking about, but
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: it sounds good. Yeah, it does sound good, but it's
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: just one of those things. And that's just like with
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: what he does. I don't know. nothing about security. That
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: ain't my forte, but you know, I'm supportive.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: I listen.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: And there are days when I try to tell him
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: he needs to take a break and he needs to
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: learn how to say no to certain things, but he's not,
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: he has a servant's heart. And so if he can,
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: he will. And he does. And, you know, as his
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: spouse is like, okay, You're going to need to take
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: some rest. You need to rest. You can't work yourself
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: to the bone because we had a birthday party for
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: his niece to go to last weekend. And he had
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: to work one day. job and he got off that
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: job and went to his other job he literally worked
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: 24 hours and yeah and still came home and I
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: think we went to breakfast or something after that and
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: I was like okay look that's too much That's that's
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: just too much. But he still if it happens again,
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: he's still going to show up. He's still going to
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: do it. You know, so finding the right person that
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: not only compliments you, but helps you complete the assignment
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: that God has given you is very, very important. And
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: so you have to make sure the people always talk
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: about being equally yoked. But at the same time, God
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: will play somebody with you that is going to challenge
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: you in those unhealed spaces. And knowing when those spaces
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: are unhealed is where those tough conversations come from. And
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: you have to be able to recognize, is this person
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: really looking out for my best interests or am I
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: being the issue or am I being the problem? Because
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: number one, we have to be able to admit to
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: ourselves that, hey, you're being ridiculous. And that's one thing
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: I can say that I miss my mama about, because,
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: you know, my mama would tell me, you was wrong
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: and you need to apologize.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: She took no punches.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: My mama would quickly tell me, uh-uh, you was wrong
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: and you need to apologize. And I don't want to.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: I don't care nothing about what y'all want to do.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: You're going to take your time.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: I still remember when we were on the way to
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: the sipping seat. And she looked at me and she said, baby,
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know how she steal your friend after all
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: these years. She wouldn't be my friend. Uh-huh. And it's pretty.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: She didn't care.
• 41:23
  Speaker 6: She let you slap under the bus. Yeah, she don't
• 41:27
  Speaker 6: care nothing about that. And we was on the phone
• 41:30
  Speaker 6: one time and I had said something. And I had
• 41:34
  Speaker 6: told you something and she was like, tell Tonya to
• 41:38
  Speaker 6: hang up.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: Tell her to hang up.
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: I said, I'm not telling her nothing. I said, cause
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: if she want to hang up, she can hang up.
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: I said, but what I'm telling her is the truth.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: So I don't care. It's like, I couldn't be your friend.
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: You not my friend. You my mama. So be quiet.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: This conversation didn't have nothing to do with you. You
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: were supposed to be asleep.
• 41:55
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: Like all in my business.
• 41:59
  Speaker 6: I remember.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: Go back to sleep.
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: That's one thing I can say that I do miss
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: my mama for that. Because, honey, she would tell me, honey,
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: you need to apologize.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: You was wrong.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: And even when Brad and I were together and he
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: would do something and I'd be like, okay, I don't customize.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: She'd be like, okay, but you was wrong. You need
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: to go apologize. I'm not. You was wrong, Trevita. Go
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: apologize to him. I'll apologize tomorrow, but I ain't doing
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: it today because I meant what I said. She said,
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: you can mean what you say, but your delivery was
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: wrong and you need to say you side. You just picking,
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: you picking them over me. Yeah. And so she's like,
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: I ain't picking no side. You just wrong. But having
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: somebody that can tell you when you wrong. And not
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: be mad about it says a lot because being able
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: to communicate, knowing when and how to effectively argue, being
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: able to fully listen to your partner when they're upset
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: or they've done something or you've done something to hurt them,
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: being able to sit down and have that conversation. Hey, listen,
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: what you said or what you did hurt my feelings
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: and I need, we need to talk about this. You know,
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: those are important parts of growth in relationships and you're
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: not always done yeah go.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: Ahead can i just say this like um the difference
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: between my marriage now and my marriage before he is
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: very gentle with me um and very patient very patient
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: because i come from a place of everything is against
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: me And I have this tough exterior where I'm always
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: on alert about any and everything. But even when we disagree,
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: he's not in my face. He doesn't make me feel small.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: He talks to me like I'm a human being. And
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: that means more to me than anything. We can disagree
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: and still... and kick it the same day without you know.
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: Walking around on eggshells and that shows a level of
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: maturity not everybody gets there because not everybody wants to
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: communicate because some people think that when you bring something
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: to their attention that you're trying to argue but not
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: every discussion can lead to an argument if you're willing
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: to hear what the other person is saying Sometimes a
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: person just wants you to hear what they're saying and
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: not be talked over, not being dismissed or anything like that.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: Because if somebody brings you something that says, hey, listen,
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: that hurt my feelings and I think we need to
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: talk about it. There's no need to argue about it,
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: but understand, hey, I stepped on your foot. That hurt. OK,
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: you don't get to tell me that you stepping on
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: my foot didn't hurt me. Because you didn't feel it.
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: You caused the pain, but you didn't eliminate the pain.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: And you can't tell me that it didn't hurt me.
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: So I need you to hear me. So being able
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: to have somebody that you can actually talk to, that
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: hears you, and that is willing to help you through
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: whatever it is that you're going through, that's important. That's
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: an important part to have in a relationship and to
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: find in a partner.
• 45:43
  Speaker 6: And so.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: Y'all continue to do what y'all do. Keep God first, sinner,
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: and everything, and keep the foolishness away. Stop, you know, people.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: I know how you are, honey. You're a little something
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: big to you in a heartbeat.
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: I'm working on that, though.
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: Don't look at me like that. Look, I look at
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: it the same way.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: Y'all both just looked at me the same way. It's funny.
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: I'm going to need y'all to back up off me.
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: But, I mean, I'm a work in progress. You know,
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: I come from a place where.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Keep everybody else out there.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: I was going to go off. And, I mean.
• 46:39
  Speaker 6: I.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: Mean, yeah, that's fine. But sometimes, like I told my
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: sister not too long ago, just because somebody says something
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: don't mean you got to get dressed and go on
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: up there and show out too. You ain't got to
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: put your clown suit on to show out with them.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: Let them be the fools at the circus by themselves
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: because that don't need no audience at all. So just
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: because somebody's saying something or doing, you know what your
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: situation is. You know what you're dealing with. So responding
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: to foolishness and outside naysayers is pointless because what you're
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: doing is your business. And, you know, do what you do.
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: Do what you do, but, you know, keep it between
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: y'all because your relationship is sacred. And anytime you can
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: allow somebody to come in and then just start talking
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: and And saying this and saying that, and now you
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: don't got all been out of shape, and now you
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: got a little attitude because you don't seen something on
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: the Facebook or the Twitter or the Instagram or whatever
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: it is. And now you all beside yourself, and it's pointless.
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: It ain't got nothing to do with nothing. And so
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: it's like you living in the relationship. They on the
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: outside looking in, wondering where their relationship coming from. They
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: ain't even anyone. And a lot of single people got
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: a lot to say about married folks, but they still single.
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: And them be the people that you don't even need
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: to be taking advice from or listening to at all
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: because they by themselves. So it's just pointless. I don't
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: understand that. You can't talk to me about a single
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: person's business because they ain't got nothing to do with me.
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: Because I got somebody I got to be. mindful of
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: when i'm making decisions and be considerate of because i'm
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: a representation of him and he's a representation of me
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: and so if we're going to be i don't want
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: to put him in a compromising position that he doesn't
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: know anything about and i hope that he wouldn't put
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: me in a compromising position that i don't know anything
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: about but Your business is your business. You and God
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: and him. And that's it. Those are the only people
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: that's supposed to be in that relationship. If y'all not
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: talking to each other and talking to God every day
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: about what y'all need to do and build together, everybody
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: outside of that, they shouldn't know nothing. They shouldn't hear nothing.
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: They shouldn't see nothing. They shouldn't speak nothing unless it's positive.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: And anybody.
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: that was not part of the ceremony ain't got nothing
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: to say.
• 49:27
  Speaker 7: Ain't got nothing to say because you want people who
• 49:32
  Speaker 7: are going to pour into you and not take away
• 49:35
  Speaker 7: you know like I gave you that analogy years ago
• 49:38
  Speaker 7: with the colander You sitting up there trying to fill
• 49:40
  Speaker 7: that colander up, but it's got so many holes that
• 49:43
  Speaker 7: it will never fill up.
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: You can't have somebody in your space that's not willing
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: to plug those holes so that you can actually obtain
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: the water that's being poured there. So if you ain't
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: got nobody that's willing to actually help you plug those
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: holes and to keep what God is flowing into this space,
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: then give them people away. And it don't matter how
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: long you don't need people, whatever. keep them away from
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: your space and keep them out of your ears and
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: keep them away from what God has joined together. You know,
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: I ain't trying to preach about nothing, but I'm just saying.
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: Um, I'm really, I'm ready to pass the collection.
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: You know, it's, it's, it's just one of those things.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: You just gotta be willing to know what God has
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: for you. And I'm happy that you have found your, your,
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: your partner that loves you, without any hindrance, without any flaws.
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: I'm in a place where I don't have to question
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: anything about him. I don't have to question if he
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: even has a motive because he doesn't. I'm safe. I
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: don't know if you saw the post that I had made.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: My mom had.
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: Used to worry about me and as far as you
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: know somebody harming me or whatever I even in her
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: death I needed her to know I'm safe I'm good
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: and like sometimes I feel like that man care more
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: about my health than I do and you know it
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: is have you taken your pills today have you taken
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: your vitamins today how much water have you drank today
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: I mean things that Sometimes I don't even think to do.
• 51:38
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: Simple things.
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: Trust me. I know. Cause it's, did you take your
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: medicine today? Did you eat today? Did you, can I
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: mind my business right now?
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: Even while he, even while he at work, he'll text
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: me cause I have a hard time sleeping at night.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: So he knows that once he leaves to go to
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: work in the morning, I'm going back to sleep. So
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: he'll text me at a certain time and, baby get
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: up go eat and now i don't know if he
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: he texts or calls his mama to see if i've
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: eaten but you know he always makes sure that i'm
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: good so um you know i i thank god for
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: him every day every.
• 52:24
  Speaker 4: Day let's see sometimes In the package that we want
• 52:32
  Speaker 4: to come in, but in the package that is necessary.
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: And it's up to us to actually receive it. Because
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: we can have visions and things that we think God
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: has said, this is what I have for you. And
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: we got a whole vision in our head. And God's like,
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: I didn't tell you that. You told yourself that. This
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: is what I got for you over here. You got
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: to stop trying to do my job for me and
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: let me do what I do all by myself.
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: So, you know, I'm just really happy I can see
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: the peace on your face. I can see the peace
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: in everything that you do right now. And that's a
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: good space for you because it hasn't been that way
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: for quite some time. And happiness and peace looks good
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: on you. So stay in that space.
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: You know, because I see it. You know, and, you know,
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: I'm not big on making big posts and things of
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: that nature on social media like that.
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: You're not doing this to me, little girl.
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: So I just want you to know that I do
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: see you and I see the peace and I see
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: the happiness on you. And where Charles at?
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: Charles, baby, come in for a second. Trevita wanted to
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: say something to you.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: Hey.
• 54:01
  Speaker 5: How you doing?
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: I just want to say keep doing what you're doing
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: to keep her in the space that she's in. It's
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: been a long time coming and I can see the
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: peace and I can see the happiness on her and
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: whatever you're doing, whatever God has for y'all, I hope
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: that he continues to bless y'all together. And grow in
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: the space in which he has for y'all. Okay? Thank you.
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: You're welcome. Good night. So continue to let God be
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: in the space. Let him lead and do everything that
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: he's supposed to do for you. And let them other
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: folks do whatever they want to do. But that ain't
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: your business anyway.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: That is not my business. That ain't my ministry.
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that ain't your business. That ain't your situation at all.
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: So as I say always, I'm about to close this out.
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: Stay out of God's business. The only thing he needs
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: you to do is be obedient to what he's called
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: you to do.
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: Before you finish, I am still looking for authors to
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: join in on this anthology. If you're interested, please hit
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: Trevita up or myself. There's a $ 50 non-refundable. What's the
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: word I'm looking for?
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: Commitment fee.
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: Commitment fee. There we go. And if you want your
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: story out there, we would love to have you. I
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: would love to have you. So you can find me
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: on social media, on Facebook, Latonya Michelle Reams. I like
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: how that sounds. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: how that sounds. Um, but yeah, all seriousness, um, I
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: would love to have you, um, if you're interested in
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: sharing your story of finding love after divorce, it doesn't
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: necessarily mean finding another partner after divorce. It just means
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: finding love after divorce. You can love yourself, um, Hopefully,
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: you're out there loving yourself first anyway. But again, the
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: offer is on the table if you want to be
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: a part of the book.
• 56:23
  Speaker 2: Yes. So reach out to Tanya or myself if you
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: guys are interested in being in After the Vows, Finding
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: Love After Divorce, Volume 2. Now, I did tell y'all
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: at the beginning that He had to go get, after
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: the vows, a white story. That's the first one. So
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: this is part two. So if you want to be
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: in this one, contact myself, Trevita Harris at wingsoftransformationpublishing.com or Tanya,
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: or you can find me on Facebook. But we would
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: love you to be a part of this book because
• 57:06
  Speaker 2: people need to know that Divorce isn't the end of
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: the road.
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: We can still find love again. Finding yourself is falling
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: in love with you all over again.
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: You know, so come on, join the book. Somebody needs
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: your story.
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: Somebody needs your story.
• 57:24
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: Somebody needs your story.
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: Somebody's healing is attached to your story.
• 57:29
  Speaker 6: Amen.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: But as I said, y'all know. Stay out of God's business.
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: The only thing he needs you to do is be
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: obedient to what he's called you to do. And until then,
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: I will see you guys in about two weeks. It'll
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: be a Sunday. Love you. Have a good night.
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: Love you too.