Latest / The Christian Reeve Podcast / Ruan Willow | The Christian Reeve Podcast #233

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Ruan Willow | The Christian Reeve Podcast #233 · The Christian Reeve Podcast

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Hello and welcome to another episode of the Christian Reef
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Podcast. Now before we get into today's
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topic disclaimer, this is an 18 plus show.
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There'll be a lot of topics that are quite mature content.
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So if you are under 18, go away. Don't listen.
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Skip this one. I have put a why.
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I think on YouTube there's an ability to restrict these things
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anyway. I know there is On Spotify.
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I'm slowly figuring this out. You know, three years in.
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But yeah, so that. That's your warning.
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That's your disclaimer. I've I've ticked the box.
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There you go. Now, today's guest is a
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podcaster, author, voice over artist and sex Blogger.
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Her name is Ron Willow. Welcome to the show.
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Did I get that right? Ruin Willow.
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Yeah. Thank you so much for having me.
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That's the. That's the only thing that I
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forgot to ask you. God damn it.
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Before we started, I was like, ruin.
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OK, I got it. I got it.
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I got it. All right.
1:02
Thank you so much for agreeing to do the show.
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I really, really appreciate it. Yeah.
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I got about a million questions to ask you.
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So I thought I would just kind of start from the top, like I
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normally do. So how did you actually get into
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writing erotic fiction? Well, I most of my life I just
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wrote fiction and nonfiction, and in about 2016, I really
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decided I really wanted to devote more time to writing.
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So I started to write romance, which was actually more clean
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romance. It was YA romance, which is like
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teenagers. And I wrote several books there,
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and I got a publisher publishing those.
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And then I decided I just felt like there was something missing
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in the stories and I wanted to write about adults.
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And so I decided I really wanted to have sex involved because to
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me, a relationship for adults has sex.
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So it was like, more realistic, it was more real to life.
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And it was important to me, I thought, to have that sex be a
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part of the story. And so I started, actually
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started on Twitter. I created a on a total whim.
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I created a Twitter account and it started to post erotic little
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snippets and little stories. And it grew into a website.
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And then it grew into me starting to do the podcast,
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which people kept asking me to do a podcast saying you should
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do a podcast. And then it grew into me doing
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voiceover work and starting to do publish erotica.
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So it's just been this amazing journey and and that's kind of
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how it went from one thing to the next.
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And I I'm really having a blast. I love it.
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I've learned so much doing my podcast too.
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It's been an unbelievable growth journey for me.
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Yeah, your podcast is, it's cool.
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Oh fuck yeah. I'm going to laugh a lot through
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this show, guys, because I don't, I don't normally talk
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about these things, so but I, I, I, I do.
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You know what? Like I, in all seriousness,
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there's a lot that I want to explore this because I think
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it's healthy to talk about these things.
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But I'm kind of fascinated from the, like, psychological
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perspective, you know, particularly when it comes to,
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like the taboo about this, because I think that we're like,
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still getting more and more and more comfortable talking about
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these things. But there's still that little
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bit of like, oh, you do that kind of attitude, you know,
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every now and again. And I mean, there shouldn't be.
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And I think it's good to question that.
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But it is interesting, you know what I'm saying?
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Like, I've got friends that do similar content too, and I just
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have like a bazillion questions I always want to ask because I'm
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just fascinated with like, the concept of it.
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But yeah, walk us through a little bit this this podcast.
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Oh fuck, yeah. In terms of like what it's
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about, what it covers and why people should listen to it.
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Well, I believe very strongly that sexual health is a part of
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your mental health. It's very important.
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And people, like you said, it's very especially in the United
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States, people are very prudish. And so sexuality kind of gets
4:02
ignored. It gets left behind.
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And so doing this kind of content gives people a safer
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place because it is so taboo in a lot of places to explore their
4:12
sexuality, to maybe listen to a story where they could maybe be
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like, oh wait a minute, that turns me on, and then maybe
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explore that in their own relationships.
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With their people that they're having sex with in intimacy.
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So I think it's really amazing to be able to do that.
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So in my podcast, I focus on things that help people have
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better sex, and that includes. Having experts on, I have
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doctors, I have therapists, I have coaches, I have
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personalities, people who are very strong personalities in the
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sexuality field. And I create erotica because
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that is a place for our brains to go to and enjoy and explore.
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That is a more safe place to do it rather than, you know, just
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doing it out in the world. It's another way to bring up
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with your partner. Hey, let's listen this together
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and you can kind of assess. What'd you think of that?
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So it's kind of like bringing up ideas.
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Like, say you see a podcast episode about a particular
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thing, particular kink that you like and want to explore, but
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you don't want to, like, go to your partner and be like, hey,
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do you want to do this and like, put them on the spot?
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But if you sit and listen to a story together, it can be
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foreplay, it can be a starting point of conversation.
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Be like, hey, what you think of that?
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So it's such a tool and I have a lot of coaches that.
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I talked to sex and relationship coaches that totally try to
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advertise to their clients, hey, participate in erotica because
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it is going to help you open up your sexuality in your
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relationship. I mean, it really is a it's a
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tool for people. And it you're right, it's not
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necessarily out in front of everybody, but it's there.
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And we need to get rid of this taboo because we were we were
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given these organs for a reason, to enjoy our bodies, not to
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ignore them. We were given taste buds to not
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taste food, right? That's ridiculous.
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We were given sexual organs to enjoy our bodies.
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Period testing, very interesting.
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One thing, one thing I want to explore that you said at the top
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of that, which I find really interesting, is this idea the
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sexual health is tied with mental health.
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Can you just sort of explore that a little bit for us, cuz I
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think I know where you're you're coming at with that.
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And certainly I think that obviously there's there's the
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scientific angle that you know, it releases endorphins when you,
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you know, reach a I'm so awkward with this when you enjoy
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yourself to the fullest, let's put it that way.
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It will release endorphins and everything.
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That's great. And you know, there's the jokes
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in society about a person who, you know, when they're looking
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particularly positive and and stuff, people will be like, oh,
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well, you know, they're dating this person.
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Everything's going great. And then there's these.
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Do you know what I mean? Right.
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But. But there's there's some truth
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in that that you know, and equally if if you're single with
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things on as great or, you know, you're alone like that, there's
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that element too. And how that can affect.
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And I think that I'll say this a couple of things.
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So I think any healthy relationship should have a
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healthy sex life just by definition.
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I feel like they're they're kind of like they work like Ying and
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Yang in a sense. You know you can't have a
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relationship that's just purely based on sex, but the the actual
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connection is terrible. But equally you can't have like
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a really, really great relationship.
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But there's there's no healthy sex stuff.
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Like I think they work kind of in tandem and they're
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intrinsically linked to their ties.
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Obviously the closer the bond and the more you pay attention
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to that likely that's going to help with with in the bedroom
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and stuff. No always though I've I've heard
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I've met people over the years that you know have this issue
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where they have a wonderful relationship everything's great
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but like in the bedroom for whatever reason it's not doing
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it and it's like that's really interesting to me.
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But I do think it comes down to how you connect with that person
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and the I'm going to put this like the the feelings and the
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vibes and and the chemistry. I think maybe people don't
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always pay enough attention to that.
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You know, like I was having a conversation with someone the
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other day about this, this idea that it's very easy to, like, be
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lose yourself in your own mind when you're trying to do that.
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You're like, you're focused too much.
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You know what I'm saying? On, like, it's almost like a
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science experiment and it's like it's never going to be good.
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And like, here's a bit of advice for you guys if you want to,
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like, really enjoy it. I can't believe I'm talking
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about this, sorry. But I'm, I think do you know,
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like when I figured, like, I was having you on the show, I'm
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like, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to go all in.
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So here we are. I may, I never, never talk about
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these things again. So here we go.
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If you're going to go all in, guys, you got to go all in.
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Like, if you're going to have a good connection with someone in
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the bedroom, you've kind of got to like, learn to like, lose
9:14
yourself in that moment And that person and everything there.
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You can't be thinking like, are they enjoying it?
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Do they like this? Do they like that?
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Is this going to work? Like, just forget about that.
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You know you're not 15 anymore trying to figure out life and
9:28
the birds and the bees and everything, right?
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You're an adult and you know, you're going to need to to sort
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of let go and just be there with that person and see it as like a
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maybe even like a spiritual thing, you know?
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And I feel like that's when it will be at its best.
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No, I've digressed a lot here. So we can, we can return to the
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the mental health thing in a second.
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But I just want to get your thoughts on what I just said
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there, because obviously, yeah, it's not all about me, it's
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about you to tell me. Well, 100% you need then what?
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I've had several coaches and some professors on sexuality
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professors. What they call that is, is being
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in your head. You need to get out of your head
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when you're being intimate and need to be more in the moment.
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Get out of your head and be in your body.
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Feel things. Live in the moment.
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React. If you're sitting there
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thinking, oh, does she like this, oh oh wait, I forgot to
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take out the garbage. Oh oh, she's she doesn't like
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this particular thing. If you, if you are not living in
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the moment and reading your partner, you are missing out and
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you're in your head and you're going to get stepped up.
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You know you're going to get those though.
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You're going to hit those roadblocks.
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So we need to practice being more in the moment, being more
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embodied. Get out of our heads and stop
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analyzing and. Enjoy.
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It's kind of like a dance. It's like flirting.
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It's in the moment what's happening.
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Let's do this and react to each other and not like try to plan
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it out in our heads and get get stuck in our heads, basically.
10:59
Exactly. I think there's a pressure from
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society. You know, I think like, there's
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there's this idea that like everything has to be a contest.
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And like, yeah, yeah, I don't want to go into specifics, but
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you know that there's all like these, you know, like, oh, it's
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got to be like this. It has to be like this, you
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know, if you if you can't you know, reach this level, then
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you're not a real person, blah, blah blah.
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And it's like it's all nonsense. It's the thing you need to focus
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on is finding the right type of person, someone who doesn't
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think like that and is more concerned with the connection
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and and having a good time and and that chemistry and
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everything. That's when it's going to be at
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its best. But there is that kind of, you
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know, society propagates that a little bit and has done over the
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years. And it's awful because it's
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like, it doesn't doesn't equate to anything.
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It's it's just like, you know, that represents like maybe like
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5% of people that actually think that way.
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Like most people just want to be loved and feel a connection, you
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know? Right, right.
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And I think if you focus on the pleasure and the interaction
12:01
together and the intimacy rather than we need to reach X or we
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need to reach Y, we need to climax.
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And it's not, you know, realize that.
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Pleasure. Focusing on pleasure and
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pleasure can be anything from a caress to full climax.
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In all of those things are good in that moment.
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In in ignoring that and saying it's not good.
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If you're you're losing a lot out there.
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You're not, You're not paying attention to all the savoring.
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Savoring is a good word. Savor, savor even the caress,
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the moments together, you know? Still can't believe I'm talking
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about this. Let's see.
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And I talk about this all the time.
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So it's like, no, I know, I know.
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And you're very well spoken. It's all great for me.
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This is like foreign territory. But I'm, yeah, I want to.
12:47
I want to give it the the full on justice it deserves as far as
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like a proper topic, because I think it does deserve it.
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Let's bring it back to the mental health angle because I
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sort of took us away and now I want to sort of bring it back.
13:02
So talk to us more about the connection between mental health
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and sexual health. Well, yeah.
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And I think that our societies, our cultures, many of them,
13:11
separate sexuality from mental health.
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They're like, that doesn't matter and it totally matters.
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First of all, the very basic primal thing is climaxing is a
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stress reliever. It like you said, it brings all
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these hormones, these feel good hormones to our bodies.
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To help us feel better, it is going to be a stress reduction.
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It's a natural sleep aid. It creates the love hormones
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that help you connect with your partner.
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So all of these things are super important and we like to sort of
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lump it somewhere else because it's sex, it's somewhere else it
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goes over here. But really it's integral to our
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entire mental health and it really gets ignored.
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I think it's getting better where more people are paying
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attention to that, but. It's also ignored from doctors.
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I mean, I just was talking with a doctor on my podcast and even
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he says, you know, our our medical system is messed up
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because doctors don't talk to people about their sexuality.
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They don't bring it up. It's somehow separate.
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And so even he sees it and he's an actual doctor, he's like 70
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years old. He's like, it's just all messed
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up. And so it doesn't get addressed.
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And it is part of our whole problem of how our culture views
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sex and sexuality. But if we ignore it, we're
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missing an entire chunk of our mental health in our lives
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because it is integral to how we feel, how we react to our
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partners in general wellbeing, if not, you know, just feeling
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the pleasure. I mean, it's just the focus is
14:43
just so off in in our society and it's just it's kind of sad
14:48
to watch, honestly. And I think it comes and it
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stems very, very specifically from our poor sex education.
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Of young people. And it sucks.
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And it's horrid. Oh, my God.
14:59
All right. I was gonna just explore that
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topic a little bit more. But like, we can come back to
15:04
that. But I just gotta talk about sex
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education for a second because Oh my God.
15:08
Like, I don't know about what yours was like, but like mine
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Worst ever. Like just like I I learned
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everything by asking my parents and by just learning through,
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you know, the Internet, experimentation, etcetera.
15:25
You know, experience mostly. But like school was just
15:30
dreadful. Like I remember in primary
15:32
school I never forget. They showed us a video of like 2
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cartoons and they said sex is when mother and her father hug
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each other intimately and and Make Love right.
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And then obviously we were all pretty selfaware kids so we
15:56
would we just found it really funny.
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And then I remember like playing as a kid and like hugging all
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the other kids and being like we're having sex like because
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it's just like it was ridiculous.
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Like, we all knew that that was just nonsensical.
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And then when I get, when I get into senior school.
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Now this is interesting because we were kind of weirdly split
16:17
up. Like, I mean, we did have mixed
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classes. But I remember that, like, we
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were taught nothing about, like, female sexual health and female
16:26
sexual organs. Like, I didn't learn about any
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of that. Like, I had to like look that
16:31
stuff up. I knew nothing about that.
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Like, for instance, something like menstruation, Like, it just
16:36
wasn't. Which, all right, fair enough.
16:38
It doesn't apply to me specifically, but I think it's
16:41
good to know. So I understand women better
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and. And reproduction, for Pete's
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sake, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Like, all I remember that stood out from high school such
16:53
education was that the teacher one time put a condom on a
16:56
banana and was, like, demonstrating how to do that.
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And everyone just felt really awkward.
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And we were all just like, why are you doing that?
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And And that was sex education. It was.
17:06
Yeah, yeah, the shits. But what was yours like?
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Yeah, I was very similar. I mean, it basically, yeah, like
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it focused on reproduction for for us girls.
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They did talk about menstruation, but you know, what
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I found crazy, and this still bugs me, is that they basically
17:23
ignored the female sex organ of clitoris.
17:25
Like, I didn't even hear that word until I was well into my
17:29
adulthood. But of course I heard the word
17:31
penis. So the fact that they actually
17:33
ignore the clitoris, which is basically the equivalent in the
17:36
female of the male penis, it completely wasn't even
17:39
mentioned. And I didn't even know what it
17:41
looked like in in Most people still don't know what it looks
17:44
like. Until I was, you know, maybe a
17:48
few years ago when I started doing all of this sexuality
17:50
stuff, I didn't even know what it internal clitoris looked
17:53
like. Maybe you don't know either, but
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it's it's something that's ridiculous and it's been cut out
17:58
of our it's starting to come back into our medical textbooks.
18:01
And they're starting to pay more attention to it.
18:03
But the pleasure piece, they don't even talk about that in in
18:07
sex set. They don't talk about
18:08
relationships. They talk a little bit about
18:10
consent, but it's more from the angle of assault instead of
18:14
let's. Consent can be fun.
18:15
It can be sexy. Hey, let's talk about what we're
18:17
going to do together. So that's the problem.
18:20
They come at it from consent meaning don't assault someone.
18:24
Well, how about consent? Being sexy?
18:25
Talking about hey, you and your partner decide, Hey, let's try
18:29
this particular kink together. And you negotiate.
18:32
Hey, that sounds great, but I don't want to do X but I'll do
18:34
Y. You know, it's just, it's a
18:37
tragedy of how they treat sexuality.
18:40
Another thing as well that they don't really push with the whole
18:44
consent angle is this idea that you can kind of change your mind
18:49
at any moment. Like even just sort of like in
18:52
the midst of it, you can change your mind in your.
18:55
Yeah, right. And I've had that in, in the
18:57
past and it's like, it's fine, you know?
18:59
Yeah, it can be a little bit frustrating.
19:01
But like, just get over yourself.
19:03
Like it's fine because at the end of the, like, how would you
19:06
really want it? Do you really want to be doing
19:08
that? And the other person's not into
19:10
it, Like, come on, man. Like it's, it's and.
19:13
But this I think connects to a wider point about how healthy,
19:19
good sex will be all about mood and chemistry and vibe.
19:25
If one person's not into it, you're not going to have that
19:28
like you know what I'm saying? So it's it's like as you said,
19:32
you can introduce this as a positive thing as well and and
19:36
kind of plant the seed in people's minds that like hey,
19:39
focus more on connection and chemistry and vibe and less on,
19:47
you know, the, the details so to speak.
19:50
Like, you know, like oh, I'm doing this right.
19:51
I'm doing that right. Like you know, it should be all
19:54
about like wherever you're into each other, you know, are you
19:58
digging it, it's are you in love.
20:01
You know, I mean I think like relationships are better for
20:04
that and that's why that tends to be better than say like just
20:07
promiscuity and and just you know, fooling around.
20:11
Like, I'm not saying that that's like that can't be fun, but
20:14
like, I think by comparison. It's not quite the same from a
20:18
connection standpoint, you know. Right, right.
20:21
And I think too, you might have an idea in your head be like,
20:23
oh, that sounds really sexy. But then when you're actually
20:26
doing it, you might want to pull your consent because the actual
20:28
doing of it is not what you had in your head.
20:30
Like, wait a minute, I I changed my mind.
20:32
I don't like this. And so you need to learn to
20:34
respect your partner putting that boundary out there.
20:36
And it doesn't mean that you couldn't revisit it in a
20:38
different way, but they've hit a wall and you need to respect
20:42
that. And so that's the thing that's
20:44
also ignored and consent like you said.
20:46
It needs to be moment to moment, and just because someone liked
20:48
something in the last time doesn't mean they're gonna like
20:50
it. This time it consent.
20:52
It's fluid and it needs to be given constantly.
20:55
It's not. I give you permission to do this
20:57
and forever more you can do that, you know?
21:01
Yeah, I think that kind of comes back to the whole concept of
21:05
like our ownership, because often in a relationship it's
21:09
quite easy to forget that you are still 2 individuals, like
21:14
you are coming. Exactly.
21:15
You know what I'm saying? Like you come together, yes, and
21:18
it's a partnership and stuff, but you are still two different
21:21
people and. You're still your own person,
21:23
yes, right. And it's very easy to take
21:26
things for granted, like expect things like, Oh well, you know,
21:29
we always do this. And it's like, well, maybe not
21:32
like, maybe like, I like this idea of, for example, with love.
21:38
You know, if you're in love with someone, the journey never stops
21:43
in pursuing them. Just because you're together
21:46
doesn't mean yes, you still have to win them over all the time.
21:52
Romance. Yes, romance.
21:54
Right? People get out of that phase.
21:56
That's the problem, yeah. But it's not just about
21:58
grandiose displays of affection, cuz I think like, that people
22:03
can often think like, what have I got, you know, constantly up
22:06
the ante? No, you just got to show that
22:08
you care. You got to just be, like
22:10
invested, like be empathetic, you know, be spontaneous, be
22:17
creative. You know, like just just just
22:21
show that you care that you're invested.
22:23
And you know, I think the same is true with sex.
22:26
You know, it's it's it's that kind of like seeking things
22:31
together, finding out things together, learning together.
22:34
I was talking to someone about this the other day.
22:37
It gets better. Just like anything else in life,
22:40
the more you do it with said person, cuz you're learning each
22:44
other, you're getting more comfortable with each other.
22:47
And then inevitably it's gonna be better because of those
22:51
things. But it's some.
22:55
But you have to be honest. If you're not being honest with
22:58
that person, then that's not going to happen.
22:59
So that in comes into also where so many people have a hard time
23:03
talking about sex with each other, Like some couples, some
23:06
some couples I know and people talk to me all the time, like
23:09
one partner refuses to talk about sex, about their sex life
23:12
and it's like, how can you do that act for that person, but
23:14
you won't talk about it. So that's a block too.
23:17
And I think that comes from culture, where people, you know,
23:20
again, the whole prudishness, it's hard to talk about sex, but
23:23
you should be able to talk about the person.
23:26
About sex with the person you're having sex with is where I
23:29
disagree with you. So I agree.
23:32
I agree with the concept of of like, you know, it should be the
23:37
sort of thing that people should feel comfortable being able to
23:39
talk about. I agree with that.
23:41
However, I don't think that it necessarily makes you prudish to
23:45
not want to talk about it. For example, I'm a fiercely
23:49
private person. I don't, I don't talk about my
23:52
private life. I I share the stories from my
23:56
life. I share little things here and
23:57
there that I'm comfortable sharing.
23:59
But there's a lot that I will never talk about.
24:02
Sure, for safety reasons and also just because I think you
24:05
should have a private life and one of the.
24:07
Things for sure. For sure.
24:09
One of the things is I'm not comfortable talking about that
24:12
sex life with anyone. I'll talk about it like with my
24:16
partner, obviously, but like, yeah.
24:18
That's what I meant. I actually meant communication
24:20
between parents. Not necessarily, yeah.
24:22
Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I wouldn't sit there at
24:24
the dinner table and be like, yeah, I wanna do this.
24:26
I wanna do that. Like I just.
24:27
All right. No, no, no.
24:29
I'm quite old fashioned in that regard, but at the same time
24:31
like. I get that.
24:32
I don't hold it against people that want to, right?
24:35
Mm, HM. So that's cool.
24:37
It's just I think that you should.
24:40
I think everyone's got a different view on, like, how
24:42
they feel comfortable talking about these things, you know?
24:44
Like, I remember one, one time about three years ago when I
24:46
first started this show, and I was looking to promote myself on
24:49
other shows. I was going to appear on a
24:53
podcast to talk about my sex life.
24:56
And at the last minute I pulled out and and I just realized
25:02
like, yeah, I can't talk about this.
25:07
And I I wrote them an e-mail. I said, hey listen I'm really
25:10
sorry, I I just, I can't do this.
25:12
I don't feel comfortable. And they were really cool about
25:14
it. Like yeah, we know.
25:15
We understand. That's that's totally cool.
25:20
But yeah, I mean it's an interesting one that because
25:23
I'm, I'm a very open person like I'm quite a laid back, chill
25:26
guy. But for some reason on that, I'm
25:27
just not comfortable talking about it.
25:30
And I don't know where that comes from.
25:32
I think maybe it's just a personality thing, but, you
25:36
know, it's there. And and I've noticed that, you
25:39
know, other people I've met over the years have felt the same.
25:44
But then I've also met people that are like super comfortable
25:46
talking about it. But I don't know, there's just
25:49
like, argument there. I remember one time telling
25:51
someone that wasn't comfortable and then they took that as like
25:56
a red flag. They're like, oh, there's
25:57
something wrong with you. And I'm like, I don't know that
26:00
that makes me that there's a red flag if I don't want to talk
26:03
about, because it could be anything.
26:05
It's not just sex, but like anything in life, like.
26:07
You know, like I don't think it's sensible to for instance
26:10
discuss your finances like your specifics with with random
26:14
people or people you know, even, you know, just similar thing.
26:19
But yeah. Anyway moving it on, I want to
26:23
kind of return to the, I've got some questions regarding the
26:25
erotic fiction and content that I want to just explore with you.
26:28
So what would you say is the most challenging aspect of
26:33
writing and creating erotic content?
26:37
I'm having the right amount of story in there because there's
26:40
people. It's it's hard because erotica
26:42
really is categorized as a gradient.
26:45
So you've got your smut on one end, which is more like porn,
26:48
like it's more focusing on the actual scene of sex.
26:52
Then you've got erotica, which is kind of, you know, having
26:54
more story in there. And then you've got erotic
26:57
romance, which is getting closer up to the regular romance area
27:00
of the gradient. And that's going to have more
27:04
story and you're going to run into people who want different
27:06
levels of story in the erotica. And what's interesting to me is
27:10
to see how some people will review the same exact work and
27:15
some will say great story. I love that, I love that mixed
27:18
with that storyline in with the sex.
27:20
The next person will say there's no plot.
27:22
So it's interesting to me to see the different levels that people
27:26
want to see of story in. Erotica and it's it's different
27:29
because I write in other genres too.
27:32
Erotica is like in its own separate category and people
27:35
view it differently and it's very very odd but and it's
27:38
probably because it is about sex.
27:40
But to me it's so interesting to see how people like different
27:43
levels and I've written everything from smut all the way
27:45
up to erotic romance and even clean romance like the the YA
27:48
romance I've written. So I've written all across the
27:51
gradient and I have books across the gradient and.
27:55
You know, I enjoy writing all of it, to be honest.
27:59
All of them are fun in their own way.
28:01
But I do love to have. I do love to have the sex in
28:04
some way in the storyline because to me it's just more
28:07
realistic to to romance and relationships and in life.
28:13
One thing I'm interested in is like, how do you approach like
28:17
writing a character, say, thinking about sex in that
28:22
manner? Do you know what I'm saying?
28:23
Like I, because I think when you're thinking about thoughts
28:28
conceptually in general, you know you don't.
28:33
I mean some people might have that opening dialogue in their
28:35
head like I'm thinking this and thinking about this specific
28:37
thing. But I think like many of us as
28:39
well also just have like a a quick that's hot, but like not.
28:44
There's nothing to expand upon there.
28:47
It's just quick flashes. Do you know what I'm saying?
28:49
So, like, how do you kind of approach that and then bring
28:52
that to life in in a narrative? Like, it depends if you're
28:56
writing in first person, if you're writing in present tense
28:59
or past tense, so you can explore their immediate thoughts
29:03
like they're having at that moment.
29:05
When you're writing a present tense.
29:06
If you're writing a past tense, you can think, you can add in
29:09
things about what they've thought in the past, what
29:10
they've done in the past. It's just it's a different.
29:13
I mean, you still could do it in present tense, but I think it it
29:15
to me it really depends on. It's like, for instance, say
29:18
you're writing in present tense. You're going to write how
29:20
they're reacting to everything they're seeing and you may add
29:23
in a little bit about how they they thought that was hot, but
29:26
you're going to focus more on how they're reacting in that
29:29
particular scene rather than what's all the stuff back story
29:33
in their head because you're in the moment.
29:35
It's present tense, right? It's supposed to be like being
29:38
laid out in front of you like you're watching a movie.
29:41
So there's difference in that way and but when you're writing
29:44
past tense you're going to you might have more back story and
29:46
you're going to have them maybe thinking about.
29:48
Maybe something they did in the past.
29:51
Not that you can have flashbacks in present tense, but it's just
29:54
sort of different in the way you approach it.
29:56
And have the character be thinking about sex.
29:59
Yeah, for sure. Hey, I'm not sure how you react
30:04
to this question. What are some of the weirdest or
30:08
most unusual requests for content you've received?
30:15
Well, I recently just received a request to do a cuckold story,
30:18
and I did do that. Okay interesting.
30:24
You know, cuz there are people that are into that.
30:25
So that was something I had. I had only done a couple of
30:27
podcast episodes about that and so I totally fleshed out that
30:31
story and I a lot of people reacted to it and liked it.
30:34
So you know, I've kind of done stuff all across the the.
30:39
A genre I haven't really done. I've done a lesbian stories, but
30:44
I have not done gay men stories and I don't know that I ever
30:47
will. I know there are women who write
30:49
that actually that's actually strangely that is a predominant
30:53
sex of male male erotica is actually women, which is just
30:57
kind of mind blowing if you think about it.
30:59
But I don't know that I would ever write that I.
31:02
To me, I I would find it a little bit harder to get into
31:04
that headspace because I'm not a man.
31:06
Like, not that I can't write from a male perspective.
31:08
I tend to do better from a female perspective for my
31:11
characters, No, I tend to do that, as in first person would
31:14
be female. But I don't know.
31:16
I don't know that I would write that, but I don't know.
31:19
Did I answer your question or did I miss it?
31:20
I no, no, no, absolutely. I just want to follow up on this
31:25
as well. So given that you're doing quite
31:29
mature content, you're probably receiving a lot of weird
31:34
messages. I mean, I know women in general
31:36
just get weird messages, unfortunately.
31:38
Yeah, so I guess this is kind of A2 fold question.
31:42
What are some of the weirdest messages you've received?
31:44
And also how do you kind of keep keep the creeps at Bay so to
31:50
speak? Well, yeah, I often definitely
31:54
get propositions, I get pictures, I get videos, and I
31:57
think I get less than I used to. And I'm not really sure why that
32:00
is, but I just basically either you know, if if there's
32:04
something I don't want, I just basically ignore it or I just
32:07
don't respond. Those are ways to deal with it.
32:12
But yeah, I definitely get comments and but but I also do
32:16
post. Myself in, you know, sexy
32:20
images, things like that too. So it doesn't really bother me
32:26
when people do that. I just decide how I'm going to
32:28
handle it. But I I'm not like one of these
32:30
women or like get really pissed off and then immediately block
32:34
that person because I don't think that that is conducive.
32:37
This person is maybe reaching out.
32:39
They're trying to explore their sexuality.
32:40
Maybe they're crossing a boundary?
32:43
But I am not going to, like, shut them down and put them in a
32:46
different area just because they're exploring their
32:48
sexuality. Like, I'm not that kind of a
32:50
judgmental person, I guess. And so I don't know.
32:53
I guess it just doesn't really bother me when that happens.
32:55
I just deal with it case by case and whatever it is, I really
32:59
don't get offended. Sure, but you do have to, like,
33:01
draw the line somewhere, don't you?
33:03
Oh. For sure, yeah.
33:06
Like, I I just can ignore it, you know?
33:07
I mean, it doesn't hurt me. I just ignore it.
33:10
You know, if it's if it's something really offensive, like
33:12
I'm going to track you down and do something to you like that's
33:15
different. That sounds, that's aggressive,
33:16
you know, so then that person I might end up blocking.
33:19
I did have a couple of people that would do that.
33:20
We're trying to find me, which was a little bit disconcerting,
33:25
not to say the least for sure, To think that someone might try
33:28
to actually track me down, like, that's creepy.
33:30
So there's there's a couple of things actually tied to this,
33:33
because obviously as our viewers can see, we can't see your face.
33:35
So you you keep your identity hidden, presumably.
33:39
Is that your real name or is it a?
33:42
It's a pen name. Yeah, because I write under my
33:45
real name too. So that's why I keep it
33:47
separate. Because I also write under my
33:48
real name and the YA books I have are under my real name and
33:52
I have a website that is very clean under my real name and I
33:56
have other books too. So that's why I keep it separate
33:59
because I don't they don't mesh. And the way our our culture
34:02
views sexuality, people beget might get angry and might not
34:07
want to work with me, so I keep them.
34:11
Given that you've used your real name for certain endeavors, do
34:14
you do you not get concerned sometimes from the security
34:17
safety end because you've done put certain efforts in place to
34:20
protect yourself on one side, but on the other side it leaves
34:24
you somewhat exposed. I'm just curious to explore that
34:26
a little bit. Yeah, And that's definitely
34:28
happened on that side as well. But you know anybody who wants
34:31
to create content, anybody who is in the public eye, you're
34:35
going to get that and to not do that content because you're
34:39
afraid of that happening. Is you're selling yourself
34:41
short. You're you can't not do
34:43
something because you're afraid of what someone else is going to
34:46
do. Because then you're not doing
34:48
your dream. You're not doing your creating,
34:51
You're not creating your content you want to create because
34:53
you're afraid. And I refuse to live my life
34:55
afraid. If I want to create content, I'm
34:57
going to do it. Did not agree more, got some
35:02
sort of questions in general about erotica.
35:05
What would you say in general is the appeal of erotic fiction?
35:12
I think that people really like to immerse themselves into
35:15
sexual situations. To me, it's a more fuller
35:17
picture of relationships and stories, and people can really
35:21
immerse themselves into erotica, whether it be reading a book or
35:25
listening in a different way than they would if they were,
35:28
say, watching it. So you get more immersed when
35:31
you're reading or listening to something in a different way
35:33
than like, say, watching a porn video or an adult film you're
35:37
going to be. In a different way, you can also
35:39
explore different levels of your sexuality.
35:41
Now you may have areas of your sexuality that turn you on, but
35:45
you may never want to do them right.
35:47
Everyone has that. And maybe something that you
35:49
don't want to admit, even admit to what others admit to others.
35:52
But you could explore that by reading sex, reading erotica.
35:55
You can sort of like, experience that particular kink privately
36:02
and not actually doing it. So that appeal is there and some
36:06
people just they love to get that.
36:08
Brain arousal when they're reading to people getting
36:12
together, I mean they just love to go through the motions of
36:14
that. So I think it's, I think it's a
36:16
healthy thing to allow our brains to do that.
36:19
If we want to do that and maybe we want to explore in real life,
36:23
maybe we don't. It's no different than wanting
36:25
to read horror and want to be scared.
36:28
It's no different than wanting to read science fiction and
36:30
being wowed. You know, it's the same thing.
36:32
It's just in a different area. It's related to arousal and
36:35
sexuality. So people treat.
36:38
Erotica in this separate category, but it's really not.
36:40
It's just a different level of category of fiction.
36:45
Erotica is typically popular with women.
36:50
Yeah, tends to be more with women.
36:52
And from what I've read and sort of understood about this, it's
36:57
largely because women are quite into literature and like the
37:02
storytelling element. And for women it's more like
37:06
the. For men, typically it will be
37:11
more like the visual stimuli, but for women it tends to be
37:15
more, yeah, the story, the the feeling, the emotions,
37:19
everything connected. Again, not I am generalizing
37:23
here. It's not always 100% that, but
37:26
generally speaking and that kind of logically explains why more
37:31
women tend to be into erotica. But I wanted to kind of explore
37:34
like is it at all appealing for men?
37:37
Is there an appeal there that can you explore that a little
37:41
bit with us? Yes, I absolutely have many men
37:45
who like to read my work and listen to my audiobooks and my
37:48
podcasts. So I think overall it does tend
37:51
to be more women. But there's a lot of men who
37:53
love it too. And I am in a network of a lot
37:56
of erotica authors and they have the same thing.
37:58
They have a mixed. Audience to mixed fan base of
38:01
men and women. So even though it may be a
38:04
little bit more heavy on the female side, there are many men
38:06
that enjoy it too. And I find too, I think there's
38:09
a lot of men who like the audio version, you know, maybe a
38:13
little bit more than the reading.
38:15
Not 100% though, because I have tons of reviewers and fans who
38:19
are men. But I think you're right.
38:21
It's, you know, women tend to like the story a little bit more
38:24
that they kind of want that and that's kind of just indicative
38:27
to the difference between. Men and women, in some ways,
38:32
sure. I want to kind of explore your
38:34
your voice over stuff. So what's your approach to voice
38:40
over narration for erotic stories?
38:42
Like, do you have to kind of get in the mood, so to speak, or can
38:47
you kind of delve straight into it, like talk us through that?
38:51
Oh yeah, I totally can just dive right into it.
38:53
In fact, on my podcast, I often do what I call erotic improv,
38:57
which I just create a story right off the top of my head.
38:59
So it's like I'm, I'm spinning out a fantasy.
39:01
I'll I'm often don't have much to begin with.
39:04
I'll have, you know, the characters, maybe what they look
39:06
like and maybe one particular sex scene they're going to do,
39:08
and I'll just spin a story. And I've done this multiple
39:10
times on my podcast, and for me, it's easy to just dive right
39:15
into it and act it out. And I've done many different
39:18
things. I've done anything from.
39:20
BDSM all the way up to more romantic thing and I just, I
39:23
love to act them all out. I've done really darker erotica
39:28
voice over work and I've done really unusual.
39:32
Have you ever heard of the the giant test erotica, the size
39:35
erotica? This is a whole this is a whole
39:38
fetish. I mean there's giant websites
39:41
devoted to this this giant test. There's one particular author
39:44
that I. I have narrated a fair amount
39:46
for her name is Amber Collins and she writes prolifically
39:50
about the size erotica and it's size change.
39:53
Like for instance, the woman may grow to 300 feet, somebody might
39:58
shrink and so they're having sex relations, all these different
40:02
scenarios and they're growing and shrinking.
40:04
So it's growing and shrinking size erotica, macrophilia and
40:07
microfilia and like it is a total fetish that is out there.
40:11
So I do that, and then you know, I just.
40:13
I don't. I I enjoy acting out every
40:16
everything that I've done and I've done multiple different
40:19
storylines and I just, I really get into it.
40:21
I enjoy it. It's just really fun for me and
40:24
it's not hard to just dive right in.
40:25
I just, I don't even read what I'm going to narrate first.
40:29
I do it just as I'm narrating it.
40:33
I'm reading it for the first time and for me that is more
40:36
authentic and I may need to redo lines do editing, but for me
40:41
that's how I do it and it works. This.
40:44
Yeah, it's brilliant. You'd certainly have the voice
40:47
for it. But it's just I just, I did kind
40:50
of wonder like if it's close to you for being able to sort of
40:55
delve right straight into it. Like, I don't know.
40:57
I think for me I'd be, I'd be very, very awkward.
41:00
Like I I've turned down. Work like related to that field
41:06
because, you know, I'd read the sides and I just couldn't
41:10
imagine saying it like I try. I tried like I tried to kind of
41:15
just visualize it and I just couldn't take it seriously.
41:18
I was like, Nah, but at least I tried.
41:21
I don't know. It's one of those things.
41:22
Yeah. Yeah.
41:23
So I applaud. Not everybody can do it.
41:24
That's just it, you know? And I hire some narrators too.
41:27
And I've even had Narrator say I don't know if I can do this part
41:30
and I'm like, okay, how about this part?
41:32
And so for me, I can do. I have not run across a part
41:35
that I couldn't do. Fair enough.
41:38
Well, there you go. Let's talk a little bit about
41:41
the sex blogging side of things. So what does that exactly
41:44
involve and how does it differ to the rest of your content?
41:47
I like to do that too and that's like more of a non fiction genre
41:51
area of of writing. And I like to do anything from
41:55
talking about how sex toys are are very influential and
41:59
beneficial alone and with your partner.
42:02
So I'd like to do reviews of those.
42:04
I like to talk about different things like relationships, like
42:07
why you should maybe talk dirty or maybe why you should explore
42:13
doing different sexuality things, how to get your partner
42:15
interested in trying different kinky things.
42:18
I even did a post one time about how how can you incorporate
42:23
travel in your sexuality? Like what should you pack?
42:26
How should you pack these things?
42:28
Should you bring sex toys? How would you pack them?
42:30
Where would you put them? You know, like, would you bring
42:32
lingerie? What would you bring to help
42:34
bring your sexuality with you on your trip?
42:37
Like so. Those are some of the things
42:39
that I like to do. And and talking about, you know,
42:43
sex blogging, and it's mostly nonfiction stuff.
42:46
Or I'll do book reviews. I've done book reviews of other
42:48
erotica authors as well. But I got I go ask then what's
42:53
the perfect travel kit for sex in mind on the go?
42:57
Well, it depends on if you want to bring sex toys or not.
43:01
Like I'm a big sex toy connoisseur and promoter because
43:05
it really just brings different levels to your pleasure, to your
43:08
relationship. And so I talk about how to how
43:11
do you package that up? Like, you know, I think you
43:13
should wrap them up and bubble wrap and protect them because
43:16
you never know. Some people will even bring them
43:18
on the plane because they don't want someone to steal them, you
43:22
know, which I can understand that that's a personal product
43:24
that you don't maybe want people, the chance of people
43:26
touching, right. You know, so, you know, and
43:30
bringing Lube that kind of stuff and like, bring your sexuality
43:32
with you, bring your gear with you because.
43:36
But that is one of the best places to have sex with your
43:38
partner because you don't have all this other life crap going
43:41
on you don't have. Oh, we need to clean the house.
43:43
Oh, we need to go grocery shopping.
43:44
Oh, we need to pay bills. That is a time when you can
43:47
really focus on each other. So to me, that's a really huge
43:50
thing to you can't forget to bring that stuff.
43:52
You need to use that time to the utmost.
43:56
I love that quote as well, that you just sort of coined the
44:00
like. Bring your sexuality with you.
44:02
That's such a cool kind of concept in general for life, I
44:07
think absolutely. Let's kind of explore some of
44:12
the things that we explored earlier in a little bit more
44:15
detail. So how do you approach promoting
44:19
sex positive views and opinions throughout your various
44:23
platforms? Oh, that's definitely a
44:25
challenge because a lot of these platforms are sex negative and
44:30
there's a total double standard, which is horrible.
44:34
All these companies, they can put pictures of women in
44:37
lingerie to sell it, but someone like me or a coach, for
44:42
instance, if they put themselves in lingerie, they're held to
44:45
different standards and might even get their account shut
44:47
down. Never thought about that.
44:48
Yeah, that's such a good point. Seriously.
44:52
I mean seriously, even if you look on like Amazon, look at the
44:54
images of of underwear for women or and men too.
44:57
So it's like there's a double standard out there.
45:00
Companies can use sex to sell and it's legit and these
45:03
platforms are okay with it. But if you're doing it from a
45:07
different standpoint, I've even had sex Ed people on my podcast
45:13
writing selfhelp relationships where books where the platforms
45:19
botch them and they don't let them advertise.
45:21
I'm like these people are trying to teach others how to have
45:24
better relationships, and a lot of these platforms just shut
45:27
them down. For instance, we cannot
45:28
advertise on Amazon and you know you can't purchase ads on Amazon
45:34
if you're writing erotica or even sex ad books and
45:38
relationships. I have a dude that came on and
45:40
his book is all about how to have a better relationship with
45:43
your partner and he can't even advertise.
45:47
However, I do want to say I do know one author who is on a task
45:51
force associated on Amazon where they're considering allowing us
45:56
to buy ads. And what really bothers me about
45:59
this is there's no reason why Amazon couldn't funnel it down
46:04
and have people check off. I want to hear about sex or
46:07
explicit stuff or relationships. They can do a checkbox they
46:11
could advertise to people who are already buying the content.
46:13
They can funnel it. They can funnel it to the right
46:16
people instead, Right now it's just a flat out Nope.
46:19
You write erotica. You write about sex in any way,
46:22
shape or form. You cannot buy ads.
46:24
So that's a challenge. I have been kicked off of
46:27
YouTube three times. This is my 4th channel because
46:31
they and and I honestly think it comes from people who who
46:36
complain because I my first channel I had on there, I had
46:41
50,000 listens, 50,000 and they decided to ask me because it was
46:50
about sexuality. But do you know how much
46:52
sexuality is on YouTube? I mean it's all over the place.
46:56
So why am I different all of a sudden?
46:58
To me it's because someone, someone reported and that's sad
47:01
because why do you, why do you have to get in that lane?
47:04
If you don't like it, just don't participate, but don't ruin it
47:07
for everybody else. I do find like just speak to the
47:11
double standards aspect of things.
47:13
I see this a lot. Like I have friends, content
47:17
creators who create explicit content on various platforms and
47:22
they'll often get banned on set. Like, let's use TikTok as an
47:25
example because Tik tok's. Awful.
47:28
I love to pile on them for this because just.
47:32
There's I could go on all day about how terrible Tiktok is.
47:34
I it's it's good for the reach and I use it and I I I do what I
47:38
can with it but Oh my God is it a hypocritical platform too.
47:44
My live streams and how I create content is very you know, I
47:50
would say somewhat pretty much family friendly.
47:55
You know, I'd I'd I even limit the amount of swear words I
47:58
make. Anytime that I've done a
48:01
podcast, for example, and it's been over 18, I put the disc
48:04
gamer thing there on YouTube it's flagged as being 18 plus
48:08
all my content when it's. First, because I found you can
48:14
do this on Spotify, on Apple podcast, et cetera.
48:17
You can put it as explicit. This episode will be that, like
48:19
I put all the measures in place that you can to protect because
48:22
you have to think about, you know, the fact that there's
48:24
minors and the fact that there's horrible people and stuff.
48:27
You got to think about these things because I tell you what
48:29
the apps don't and they they've banned me.
48:34
Like I I told the story the other day, but I'll tell it here
48:36
like I got banned on my original TikTok account my my main
48:40
account indefinitely for live streaming.
48:44
And all I did was talk about advertising.
48:49
Specifically. I mentioned Pornhub and I said
48:54
that they had done a like an advert in like the mid twenty
48:59
10s, which is a Christmas advert.
49:02
They did a Christmas advert and it was on daytime television and
49:05
it's it was brilliant. It was brilliant.
49:08
It was like a grandson giving his grandfather a.
49:11
On her premium cards, it was like, it was hilarious, but it
49:16
was really weird and and I mentioned that for 30 seconds
49:21
because I was explaining to my European viewers about just like
49:26
Christmas advertising and how there's a whole thing in the UK
49:30
and all the supermarkets are competing for the top advert.
49:33
It's really weird. And that was enough to get me
49:36
banned indefinitely. Unbelievable.
49:39
Under the context of sexual content and adult nudity, that
49:44
is ridiculous. That is ridiculous.
49:47
Now to speak to the double standard thing, I see people on
49:50
that app all the time that are pretty much full on naked.
49:57
Yeah, for sure. I saw one time a trend.
50:01
It stopped now, but it was basically like a girl.
50:07
I gotta put this like leaning down towards the camera.
50:10
You can nearly see things. It's implied and off screen
50:14
something is happening and there's a lot of like action
50:18
going on kind of thing. I think.
50:22
I think actually they were just pretending, but you can get my
50:25
point. Like it's obvious what's going
50:27
on or what's being simulated. And apparently that was fine for
50:31
TikTok, but I post a live stream where I'm cooking.
50:34
And making soup. Unbelievable.
50:36
And I get banned like that happened as well.
50:38
I got banned for temporarily for cooking soup.
50:43
That is ridiculous. That's like the one of my I'm
50:45
still on TikTok, but one of my posts that got banned were
50:49
because I just made this simple video of a whole bunch of
50:52
different erotica author book covers that Amazon had approved.
50:56
TikTok took it down. I'm like, these are book covers.
51:00
It is ridiculous. And so they are very, very
51:04
ridiculous over there. But yet you see sexual content
51:06
all the time. And I see that on Instagram too.
51:09
I flat out have seen pornography on Instagram.
51:13
I think, sadly, that they treat the bigger accounts differently
51:17
than the smaller accounts. Absolutely.
51:20
It's it's a business. I hate to be kept in conspiracy,
51:24
but like at the end of the day, the more money you make for
51:27
that. Like TikTok, everyone knows
51:29
this. They if you look at who's at the
51:33
top. Of the live streams, for
51:35
example, it'll be people doing creative battles people make
51:38
Because why? Because they take a massive cut.
51:42
And so it's in their best interests to promote you.
51:45
If you're making a lot of money, if you're getting a lot of
51:47
traction, they get more money because they got a cut.
51:50
So of course they're going to be convenient.
51:51
Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
51:53
Because there's rules. And then there's, you know that
51:55
for all the rest of us. And then there's the rules for
51:58
the people making the money. And that's the reality.
52:01
And all the platforms are guilty of this, by the way.
52:04
And I'll just take, oh for sure, 100.
52:06
Percent double standards, Double standards.
52:09
I hate to. It's everywhere.
52:11
I do too. It's just BS.
52:14
Like I think, I think for example with what you do as well
52:17
it's it's the sort of thing where it's not like if you had
52:22
like flat out pornography. On say Tiktok or Instagram or
52:26
something then I would say okay this is not appropriate cuz
52:29
there are also children that use this app right?
52:32
And 100%? Yep.
52:33
Right. And if you wanna have that, I
52:35
mean, this is what platforms like of and only fans sharesome.
52:39
Sharesome's another one. Yes, that's what pornography is
52:41
allowed. Fine.
52:42
Exactly. But what you're doing is not all
52:44
out pornography. It's like right?
52:49
There's an element of safety there.
52:50
Like, yeah, it's not appropriate for younger people, but at the
52:52
same time, it's not the sort of thing, like if you came across
52:55
it, it's not going to be like traumatizing.
52:56
Do you know what I mean? It's it's like okay, they
52:59
shouldn't have had access to this.
53:00
But it's it's an audio thing or it's like a, you know, it's it's
53:06
writing or so you know what I'm saying?
53:08
Like it's, I don't know, it's it's very frustrating I think.
53:17
These companies just need to have kind of stricter rules on
53:19
this stuff and and also be fairer as well with it.
53:25
Stop having the double standards thing exactly.
53:29
Moving it on now. I've got a bunch of questions
53:31
for you, completely unrelated to today's topics that I ask every
53:35
guest and I'm very intrigued to Get your thoughts, opinions,
53:40
etc. What's the biggest mistake
53:44
you've made? That you learned a valuable life
53:47
lesson from I waited too long to get very serious about my
53:53
writing career and my well, I didn't even expect to get into
53:56
audio to be honest. It it it only happened because
53:59
people responded to me and said I like your voice.
54:02
I went my most of my life like I'm I'm in my 40s.
54:05
I went most of my life not even knowing anybody like the sound
54:08
of my voice, until I did put my voice on Twitter in post.
54:16
When people started to react to my voice, I had no idea anyone
54:20
liked my voice. So that's one thing.
54:23
Don't wait. If you want to do something,
54:26
don't sit around thinking you can't do it.
54:28
Do I wish I had done it younger? Yeah.
54:33
No, I don't. Don't wait.
54:35
Don't wait, guys. Go out, start chasing your
54:37
dreams, because you just never know exactly.
54:41
I never thought I'd be where I am right now.
54:43
I never in a million years thought I would be doing what
54:46
I'm doing. But I'm so glad I am.
54:49
I'm still chasing the dream myself, but I see people like
54:52
yourself doing well, and I'm. I see that as like a source of
54:55
inspiration on my This is why I should keep going, you know?
54:59
Yes, for sure. What's the best advice you've
55:02
ever received? Don't stop doing creating what
55:07
you want, and don't let a negative review kill you.
55:12
Let it go. Nobody likes everything.
55:15
You're going to find people who love what you do.
55:17
And honestly, we tend to focus on the negative.
55:20
We might get 300 positive reviews in five negative.
55:24
And we're going to. Unfortunately, the way the human
55:26
brain works, we're like focusing on those five negative.
55:28
Why don't they like me? Why didn't they like what I
55:30
created? Let those roll off your back,
55:32
because people have different motivations for their negative
55:35
reviews too. Some people are jealous.
55:38
Some people want to cut you down because they don't like what
55:40
you're doing. So don't let those negative
55:43
reviews cage you. What's the biggest life lesson
55:50
you've learned so far? Be myself and to not ever not be
55:55
myself because you're just going to get resentment.
55:59
You're going to not enjoy your life.
56:00
You got to be yourself. And I think when I was younger,
56:03
I tried to be more like what I thought I should be.
56:06
And I kind of didn't admit to my full self, be yourself as much
56:10
as you can. And I know it's harder for
56:11
younger people, but the, you know, at my age now I am to the
56:15
point, it's kind of a blessing, I must say, to not really care
56:19
what other people think about you.
56:20
And I talk to people in their 40s all the time and older who
56:24
feel the same way. And it's a very common thing in
56:27
midlife to suddenly realize, I don't care what these people
56:30
think of me. I want to do what I want to do.
56:32
And I like me and you have the confidence to do it.
56:36
I did not agree with you as young as you can.
56:40
Final question for you. Do you have any upcoming
56:42
projects or final thoughts that you'd like to share with our
56:45
listeners? Yes, I have an audio book about
56:49
to come out. This is a hot wife story that I
56:51
narrated for the erotica author Lacey Cross, sharing his
56:55
adventurous wife. It's the itty bitty vixen.
56:57
I narrated it with the In my Hands Audio, who is a male
57:01
voiceover artist that's about to come out.
57:03
And I'm working on my swinger book, my audio book Never Say
57:08
Never Swing, which I've hired several people to narrate with
57:12
me. So those are some coming out.
57:13
And my most recent books, I would say Decadent Erotica is an
57:19
audio book that I just released. And the next thing I'm going to
57:22
write is the final installment of my The Sex Challenges books.
57:27
That is a heterosexual couple and they have this full on day
57:31
where they're trying to to get each other to climax all day
57:34
long and they have contests and they have games.
57:36
And so it's a full day of sex challenges.
57:39
So that's the next thing I'm going to write and then the that
57:42
series of 6 novellas will be complete.
57:45
So I'm excited to get that out there too.
57:48
Only Neighborhood Sex Secrets, That's my most recent book.
57:51
That's a really long erotic romance book, so.
57:54
Best of luck with all those releases, I hope they do really
57:57
well. Thank you.
57:58
And just a massive thank you for appearing on the show and
58:01
talking about this with us. Yes, thank you for having me.
58:04
It was so much fun. I had a blast.
58:06
Thank you so much. And to all the listeners of the
58:07
Christian Reeve Podcast, thank you so much for listening.
58:11
A quick reminder if you go into the description below.
58:16
You can find a link to my link tree.
58:19
You can support the podcast on patreonpatreon.com/christianrave
58:23
link tree linktr dot EE slash christianrave.
58:28
Join our Discord as well. Join the community, support the
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58:34
Make sure you drop us a review on whichever platform you are
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So please leave us a review there or on Apple or Spotify,
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58:54
It really helps the show. Thank you so much.
58:57
And yeah, just most importantly, take care of yourselves.
59:00
Be safe, be well, and I'll see you in the next one.