Latest / Rock My Finances / What is the Hidden Cost of People Pleasing for Women
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- 0:40Speaker 3: Welcome to the Rock My Finances show on k FORHD
- 0:43Speaker 3: Radio and Talk for TV, where we put the fund
- 0:46Speaker 3: in finance joint powerhouse Jennifer jos CDFA CMC and private
- 0:52Speaker 3: wealth advisor as she collaborates with you to create clarity,
- 0:56Speaker 3: control and confidence with your money, your way. It's not
- 1:01Speaker 3: about the zeros. So what is it all about? Let's
- 1:04Speaker 3: find out. Now. Here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
- 1:10Speaker 2: Hey there, welcome back. This one's a good one.
- 1:12Speaker 4: Rock My Finances episode about the hidden cost of people pleasing. Yes, codependent,
- 1:19Speaker 4: beautiful ladies, I'm talking to you just like I'm talking
- 1:22Speaker 4: to me.
- 1:23Speaker 2: We've heard this.
- 1:24Speaker 4: Term people pleasing and what does it actually mean? Now?
- 1:28Speaker 2: At first glance, it doesn't sound like a.
- 1:30Speaker 4: Problem, right. We are nice, we want to help people.
- 1:33Speaker 4: It sounds kind, helpful, generous, loving. But underneath people pleasing
- 1:39Speaker 4: is often something much deeper. A fear of disappointing people,
- 1:44Speaker 4: a fear of rejection, a fear of conflict, a fear
- 1:48Speaker 4: of not being liked. Now even deeper than that. The
- 1:54Speaker 4: fear are not the fear, but these fears create a
- 1:57Speaker 4: low self esteem, They create depression, anxiety. So this is
- 2:03Speaker 4: a really big topic today. Well, some people people please
- 2:07Speaker 4: to avoid discomfort, maybe even short term discomfort. It often
- 2:13Speaker 4: creates exhaustion and resentment and financial stress and actually unhealthy
- 2:19Speaker 4: relationships over time. I just did an episode on decision fatigue,
- 2:26Speaker 4: so check that one out too, because this goes with that.
- 2:29Speaker 4: When we are taking care of other people we don't
- 2:31Speaker 4: need to be, we get into that decision fatigue and
- 2:34Speaker 4: just get exhausted. So today we're going to uncover the
- 2:36Speaker 4: hidden cost. Part one What is people pleasing?
- 2:40Speaker 2: Really? What is it? Many people think it.
- 2:43Speaker 4: Is kindness, But kindness comes from choice. People pleasing often
- 2:48Speaker 4: comes from fear. When I want you to all be
- 2:50Speaker 4: at choice because it makes you feel good, not because
- 2:53Speaker 4: you're afraid. Health healthy feels good. People pleasing often feels
- 2:59Speaker 4: very heavy and guilty. If I don't do it right,
- 3:02Speaker 4: You're trying to get out of pain instead of moving
- 3:05Speaker 4: towards pleasure. You know the feeling you say yes and
- 3:08Speaker 4: you immediately regret it. You said yes to something that
- 3:11Speaker 4: you feel responsible for. You say yes because you don't
- 3:13Speaker 4: want to upset someone. Come on, raise your hand. I
- 3:16Speaker 4: know that you sitting there. We've said we said yes
- 3:19Speaker 4: because we're afraid of judgment or what other people are,
- 3:21Speaker 4: how they're going to react. We say yes because we
- 3:24Speaker 4: don't want to a peer selfish or a peer self
- 3:29Speaker 4: centered even and we want to think it's not generous,
- 3:33Speaker 4: but it's more of an obligation and we think it's okay.
- 3:36Speaker 2: To take that on. So homework number one, the last
- 3:40Speaker 2: three yeses.
- 3:41Speaker 4: Write down something about the last three times you said yes,
- 3:46Speaker 4: and then we're going to ask ourselves these questions. Number one,
- 3:50Speaker 4: did I really want to do that, but I generally
- 3:53Speaker 4: really want to do that. Number two, did I feel
- 3:56Speaker 4: any pressure to say yes? Number three? Was I afraid
- 4:00Speaker 4: of disappointing someone else? And number four did I ignore
- 4:04Speaker 4: my own needs? Notice these patterns, because I promise you
- 4:10Speaker 4: there's a pattern there, and this is what's the most
- 4:11Speaker 4: important thing about our self growth Part number two. Where
- 4:15Speaker 4: does people pleasing come from? Many of us learned people
- 4:17Speaker 4: pleasing early in life. Maybe keeping the peace felt safer
- 4:21Speaker 4: at home. I mean, I grew up in an alcoholic home,
- 4:23Speaker 4: so I just never wanted to cause trouble until I
- 4:25Speaker 4: got my hormones and that I didn't give a crap.
- 4:29Speaker 4: Maybe approval felt necessary. Maybe you needed just to get
- 4:33Speaker 4: approval for your self esteem. Maybe you learned that being helpful,
- 4:37Speaker 4: someone's going to love you or give you a positive
- 4:39Speaker 4: affirmation if you did something nice. So if you got
- 4:42Speaker 4: up and cleaned the house all the time and made
- 4:44Speaker 4: sure your room was spotless and helped with the chores
- 4:46Speaker 4: and then people reacted nicely to you, well, then that
- 4:49Speaker 4: taught you to always do things for others right. And
- 4:52Speaker 4: maybe there was just conflict was not allowed, like negative
- 4:55Speaker 4: feelings were just not allowed in your home.
- 4:57Speaker 2: Growing up.
- 4:58Speaker 4: As children, we developed strategies to survive the difficult situations,
- 5:03Speaker 4: maybe at home, maybe at school, maybe with a bully,
- 5:05Speaker 4: maybe with a friend. The problem is that survival strategies
- 5:09Speaker 4: often follow us to adulthood, and I want to say
- 5:12Speaker 4: pretty much always follow us to adulthood. So what protected
- 5:15Speaker 4: us then may not serve us now. And this is
- 5:19Speaker 4: where our growth comes in. We get to choose what
- 5:22Speaker 4: serves us now. The homework number two childhood reflection. Complete
- 5:26Speaker 4: these sentences. Here's number one. Growing up, I learned that
- 5:30Speaker 4: love meant blank? What did love mean? So I'm going
- 5:35Speaker 4: to answer that for myself. Love meant when they felt guilty,
- 5:39Speaker 4: they loved me more because they spent time with me.
- 5:44Speaker 4: They were happy with me, So I got time spent
- 5:47Speaker 4: after they screwed up. I don't know, you know, that's
- 5:51Speaker 4: just the first thing that came to my head. Question
- 5:53Speaker 4: number two, Growing up, I learned that conflict meant like,
- 5:57Speaker 4: what did conflict mean to you? Did it mean rage?
- 6:01Speaker 4: Did it mean a fight? Did it mean silence? My
- 6:04Speaker 4: mom got silent, she was I remember one time she was.
- 6:06Speaker 4: I have like three days he was so mad. So
- 6:09Speaker 4: that's that's something that you can answer for yourself question
- 6:12Speaker 4: number three. Growing up, I learned to say no really
- 6:16Speaker 4: meant right. So when I said no to something, I
- 6:20Speaker 4: mean even as little kids, when you know they say no,
- 6:23Speaker 4: I don't want to eat that, or I don't want
- 6:25Speaker 4: to do that, and we super suppress or whatever, we
- 6:29Speaker 4: crush that and we say, yes you have to yes
- 6:30Speaker 4: you're doing this. So we're taking away their autonomy from
- 6:33Speaker 4: day one, like immediately, we want them to do what
- 6:37Speaker 4: we want them to do instead of what they came
- 6:40Speaker 4: on this planet as little people to do. Right, So
- 6:43Speaker 4: we learned they know from the get go is not
- 6:47Speaker 4: always great. So many people discover the current patterns started
- 6:51Speaker 4: long before that they entered adulthood.
- 6:53Speaker 1: Right.
- 6:54Speaker 4: So part number three the financial cost of people pleasing.
- 6:57Speaker 4: This is where people pleasing become very e How many
- 7:01Speaker 4: times have people loaned money that they couldn't afford to
- 7:04Speaker 4: lose They thought they'd get it paid back, and I
- 7:06Speaker 4: didn't get paid back, maybe paid for adult adult children repeatedly.
- 7:12Speaker 4: I can tell you that eighty percent of the financial
- 7:15Speaker 4: planning family household that I go into, the parents are
- 7:19Speaker 4: definitely paying more for the children than they need to be,
- 7:22Speaker 4: or they really should be for their own retirement planning.
- 7:27Speaker 4: So this happens a lot. I'm doing it right now,
- 7:29Speaker 4: I know it. But we have to at least know
- 7:31Speaker 4: what we're doing right. Paying for children that can actually
- 7:36Speaker 4: tell them that I know you're capable of doing it yourself.
- 7:39Speaker 4: It's very different covered someone else's responsibilities. Did you pay
- 7:43Speaker 4: for somebody else's responsibilities? Or do you have a partner
- 7:47Speaker 4: that you're supposed to be sharing the money dates with
- 7:49Speaker 4: and they don't do it? So you do it all right?
- 7:52Speaker 4: If they don't step up and do the monthly bills,
- 7:54Speaker 4: you do the bills and the investment planning, and the
- 7:56Speaker 4: retirement planning, and the insurance look at and the bills
- 7:59Speaker 4: and the credit in the banking because they won't do it.
- 8:02Speaker 4: They financially tied to an unhealthy relationship. I know women,
- 8:06Speaker 4: we do that a lot. We stay in relationships way
- 8:09Speaker 4: too long because it's hard to deal with the conflict.
- 8:12Speaker 4: And sometimes we can't do it alone. We need a coach,
- 8:14Speaker 4: you know all we need to coach, We need a therapist.
- 8:16Speaker 4: Sometimes we need family. But we want to get out
- 8:19Speaker 4: of unhealthy relationships quicker than we normally do. Have we
- 8:22Speaker 4: given beyond our means? Do we take people out to dinner.
- 8:25Speaker 4: Do we take people out to lunch? Do we share
- 8:27Speaker 4: too much with our co workers? Do we always buy
- 8:31Speaker 4: this or buy that? Are we giving beyond our means?
- 8:36Speaker 4: I've met with several people. I mean I've I met
- 8:38Speaker 4: with thousands of people over the years, right, and so
- 8:40Speaker 4: it always surprises me sometimes when I get the gift
- 8:44Speaker 4: giving budget line or their spending plan line for for
- 8:48Speaker 4: gift giving it can be four or five six hundred
- 8:51Speaker 4: dollars per person at Christmas, and they have a huge
- 8:55Speaker 4: family that can get thousands of dollars for Christmas presents,
- 9:00Speaker 4: And I ask them, why are we doing that? Because
- 9:01Speaker 4: it's always been that way, because their family does that,
- 9:05Speaker 4: because so and so does that. Well, that's great, but
- 9:08Speaker 4: how is it for your spending plan and your retirement planning?
- 9:12Speaker 4: So this happens often. People pleasing doesn't just affect emotions.
- 9:17Speaker 4: People pleasing affects our bank accounts, It affects our livelihood,
- 9:22Speaker 4: It affects our money.
- 9:24Speaker 2: For the future.
- 9:25Speaker 4: Like this is important. Every dollar should have a purpose.
- 9:29Speaker 4: When money consistently leaves your life because you're afraid to
- 9:33Speaker 4: say no, that's really really worth examining. Homework Number three,
- 9:37Speaker 4: The money leak exercise. Make a list of financial situations
- 9:41Speaker 4: where you felt pressured or you felt like you should.
- 9:44Speaker 4: Examples lending money, paying for family members, covering group expenses,
- 9:49Speaker 4: gift giving that you couldn't afford. Ask yourself, is this
- 9:52Speaker 4: generosity or is this a should? Or is this just
- 9:56Speaker 4: playing guilt? There's a really big difference. Part number four.
- 9:59Speaker 4: Resent is a warning light. One of the biggest clues
- 10:04Speaker 4: that people pleasing is happening is resentment, especially if you're
- 10:09Speaker 4: codependant like myself. We give, give, give, give, give, because
- 10:12Speaker 4: we think we're going to get it in return, and
- 10:13Speaker 4: when we don't get it in return, we feel completely resentful,
- 10:17Speaker 4: like we're mad at that person. Then we start to
- 10:20Speaker 4: get angry and they're not doing anything wrong besides taking
- 10:23Speaker 4: advantage of people pleasing. Right, So, if you frequently think,
- 10:27Speaker 4: why am I always the one doing everything?
- 10:30Speaker 2: I hear a lot of wives.
- 10:31Speaker 4: I know I'm generalizing right now, but I hear a
- 10:33Speaker 4: lot of wives that I always take care of his family.
- 10:37Speaker 4: I know all their birthdays, I buy all the Christmas presents,
- 10:41Speaker 4: I make sure that we have all the family events.
- 10:44Speaker 4: I'm hosting all of these things. And it's really because
- 10:48Speaker 4: of a sense of obligation, and then it turns into
- 10:51Speaker 4: something that you just always do. Do you ever say
- 10:54Speaker 4: to yourself, nobody appreciates me. Do you ever say they
- 10:58Speaker 4: take advantage of me? Or I feel to take an
- 11:00Speaker 4: advantage of you? May have a boundary issue there, right,
- 11:04Speaker 4: people aren't always taking advantage of us. We are giving
- 11:07Speaker 4: them opportunities to do that. So we have to take
- 11:09Speaker 4: responsibility for what we are allowing people and how we
- 11:13Speaker 4: are allowing people to treat us.
- 11:15Speaker 2: As Maya Angelou said, people learn, We teach people how
- 11:18Speaker 2: to treat us.
- 11:19Speaker 4: Right, Sometimes we've trained them to expect unlimited access. Now,
- 11:25Speaker 4: if you're a business owner like myself, like you know,
- 11:27Speaker 4: I have clients, So sometimes we end up talking to
- 11:31Speaker 4: our clients all the time, and then there goes our weekends,
- 11:33Speaker 4: there goes our evenings right when we're trying to have
- 11:36Speaker 4: downtime or relaxing, then we get client information. If we're
- 11:39Speaker 4: looking at our emails twenty four seven, seven days a week,
- 11:42Speaker 4: then we think that we can answer things all the time. Now, yes,
- 11:45Speaker 4: obviously there's emergencies. Obviously that's okay. But if they get
- 11:49Speaker 4: used to taking advantage of with like your kids, like
- 11:52Speaker 4: it's hilarious. Now that I have adult kids and I'm busy,
- 11:54Speaker 4: I'm a busy life right now.
- 11:55Speaker 2: The fun life. It's great.
- 11:57Speaker 4: And so now I hear from my daughter, you don't
- 12:00Speaker 4: have time for me. I need didn't answer my call immediately,
- 12:03Speaker 4: like please, She'll go a day or two without returning
- 12:06Speaker 4: any of my stuff. Right. But when we don't return
- 12:08Speaker 4: their calls the immediately, they're like, uh, hello, I'm important.
- 12:11Speaker 4: It's hilarious. It's joking, but you know it is funny.
- 12:14Speaker 4: It's totally funny.
- 12:16Speaker 2: So we treat people how to teach us.
- 12:18Speaker 4: When I say, look, I'm on the pickaball court two hours.
- 12:21Speaker 2: I'm unavailable.
- 12:22Speaker 4: I like podcast, I'm unavailable my client appointments, I'm unavailable.
- 12:27Speaker 2: Right, So it's okay.
- 12:29Speaker 4: When we set our boundaries and we say it's okay,
- 12:32Speaker 4: it can be very empowering. Just the realization that we
- 12:37Speaker 4: are giving ourselves away can be uncomfortable but empowering because
- 12:42Speaker 4: it means now we are aware of it and we
- 12:44Speaker 4: can change it. Homework number four, the resentment inventory. We're
- 12:49Speaker 4: going to write down who am I most resentful toward
- 12:53Speaker 4: right now? Then ask ourselves what boundary needs to be
- 12:57Speaker 4: created strengthened or communicated.
- 13:01Speaker 2: So do I need to.
- 13:02Speaker 4: Create a boundary or do I already have one that
- 13:05Speaker 4: I'm not adhering to, or do I have a secret
- 13:08Speaker 4: boundary that I'm not sharing? Like what boundary? Do I
- 13:12Speaker 4: need to draw? The line in the sand? Resentment often
- 13:15Speaker 4: points to directly, just points to me not adhering to
- 13:20Speaker 4: my boundary? So check out your boundary. What is the
- 13:23Speaker 4: rule that you set for yourself? And are you wavering
- 13:26Speaker 4: on that rule? Part number five. Healthy boundaries. Boundaries are
- 13:30Speaker 4: not punishment. Boundaries are clarity, it should feel really good.
- 13:35Speaker 4: Healthy boundaries are oh, I'm sorry I don't do that.
- 13:38Speaker 4: Maybe even sorry that doesn't work for me, my favorite
- 13:41Speaker 4: that just doesn't work for me, or you know what,
- 13:44Speaker 4: I'm going to need some time to think about that
- 13:46Speaker 4: and I'll get back to you. Also, I'm not comfortable,
- 13:49Speaker 4: but I'm not able to contribute financially yet or like
- 13:52Speaker 4: the way that's it, I'm choosing not to contribute financially
- 13:56Speaker 4: to this situation. Like I had another friend client that
- 14:00Speaker 4: or family obligated her to like a whole weekend at
- 14:03Speaker 4: Airbnb and dinner and everything, and before she could even say,
- 14:08Speaker 4: is that in my spending plan is it in my calendar?
- 14:10Speaker 1: Like?
- 14:10Speaker 2: Can I even do that?
- 14:12Speaker 4: So we want to be able to be able to
- 14:14Speaker 4: say no, I'm sorry, I'm not willing to change my
- 14:17Speaker 4: spending plans for that weekend. And as Oprah's told us,
- 14:21Speaker 4: no is a complete sentence, So practice saying no. It
- 14:24Speaker 4: feels really really good. Notice how none of these require
- 14:28Speaker 4: long explanations or any explanations. There's another little tidbit for you.
- 14:33Speaker 4: Look at how many times you try to explain something.
- 14:37Speaker 4: Sentences should be short. You do not need to explain why.
- 14:41Speaker 4: You don't need to explain why you might want to
- 14:44Speaker 4: have a conversation with your partner, But you do not
- 14:46Speaker 4: need to tell strangers and other people why you're not
- 14:49Speaker 4: doing something. We always feel like we have to give
- 14:53Speaker 4: and explain so that people will like us and they
- 14:55Speaker 4: won't be mad at us. Well, either way, you're not
- 14:58Speaker 4: going right, So that's not going to help. Many women
- 15:01Speaker 4: believe they need a courtroom case just justify a boundary
- 15:06Speaker 4: like well this is fine, you know, just on and
- 15:08Speaker 4: on and on and on, and you don't. No is
- 15:11Speaker 4: just a complete sentence. Homework Number five is the pause.
- 15:15Speaker 4: I love this for one week, don't answer requests immediately.
- 15:19Speaker 4: You might want to try this just for one day instead,
- 15:22Speaker 4: say let me think about that and I'll get back
- 15:24Speaker 4: to you, or let me check my schedule. I'll let
- 15:27Speaker 4: you know shortly, or just simply I'll get back to you.
- 15:30Speaker 4: Give yourself space to decide with that.
- 15:33Speaker 2: Breathe into it.
- 15:35Speaker 4: I really want to do that. How is that going
- 15:37Speaker 4: to make me feel? Am I going to enjoy that?
- 15:40Speaker 4: Is there a cost associated? Is that cost in my
- 15:42Speaker 4: spending plan? Is it going to cost me more time
- 15:45Speaker 4: than I really want to put out? Like? Really, kind
- 15:48Speaker 4: of just check out these decisions right and then notice
- 15:51Speaker 4: why you're saying yes or why you're saying no. Okay,
- 15:54Speaker 4: Part number six. Why saying no feels so hard? Many
- 15:58Speaker 4: women fear that saying no is going to make them selfish.
- 16:01Speaker 4: They are self respect boundaries are telling yourself that you
- 16:06Speaker 4: respect yourself, So no that.
- 16:07Speaker 2: Boundaries are amazing.
- 16:09Speaker 4: In fact, every time you say yes to something you
- 16:11Speaker 4: don't want to do, you're often saying no to something
- 16:14Speaker 4: that you really do want to do. Then you're telling
- 16:16Speaker 4: yourself you don't respect yourself. You're giving away your peace,
- 16:19Speaker 4: your finances, your energy, your priorities. You don't want to
- 16:22Speaker 4: do that the homework number six, reframe.
- 16:26Speaker 2: The no, finish the sentence.
- 16:28Speaker 4: When I say no to blank, I'm saying yes to blank.
- 16:32Speaker 4: So when I'm saying no to a local event, I'm
- 16:36Speaker 4: saying yes to my downtime.
- 16:38Speaker 2: That would be my sentence for today. Example.
- 16:41Speaker 4: Here's more examples. When I say no to financial security. No,
- 16:47Speaker 4: when I'm saying no to maybe a weekend away, I'm saying.
- 16:52Speaker 2: Yes to financial security.
- 16:54Speaker 4: Right. We want to say yes to more peace, more health,
- 16:57Speaker 4: financial security, less stress.
- 16:59Speaker 2: And we all want the F word, y'all more freedom? Right,
- 17:03Speaker 2: all right?
- 17:04Speaker 4: In Part seven, become the hero of your own life.
- 17:06Speaker 4: You are the star in your life. Your life is
- 17:09Speaker 4: a movie, and you are the star in your life.
- 17:12Speaker 4: Many women spend years rescuing everyone else, children, parents, partners, friends,
- 17:17Speaker 4: co workers, and someone along the way. They always stop
- 17:21Speaker 4: taking care of themselves. So the goal isn't becoming selfish.
- 17:25Speaker 4: The goal is becoming balanced. Although I do want you
- 17:27Speaker 4: to be selfish, I want you to put yourself first.
- 17:30Speaker 4: You deserve the same compassion that you're giving everyone else.
- 17:33Speaker 4: You deserve the same support that you're giving everyone else.
- 17:36Speaker 4: The more we set these boundaries, the more we do
- 17:38Speaker 4: all this wonder of all these wonderful homeworks on our podcasts,
- 17:42Speaker 4: the more we actually step into the confident, amazing, empowering
- 17:47Speaker 4: woman that you want to be.
- 17:49Speaker 2: And they know is easy.
- 17:51Speaker 4: So here's homework number seven, the self worth exercise. Write
- 17:54Speaker 4: a letter to yourself. Dear Jennifer, you no longer have
- 17:58Speaker 4: to earn love by over giving, Then just keep writing,
- 18:02Speaker 4: just to say some things. You may discover exactly what
- 18:05Speaker 4: your heart needs to hear. You may heal some past
- 18:09Speaker 4: wounds that you've had. We never know until we start
- 18:12Speaker 4: jumping into these things. So just write a letter to yourself.
- 18:16Speaker 4: And you're going to be different today than you will
- 18:18Speaker 4: be six months from now, next year from now. But
- 18:20Speaker 4: you know what, that's how we get to know ourselves.
- 18:23Speaker 4: We have to spend alone.
- 18:25Speaker 2: Time with ourselves.
- 18:26Speaker 4: And I don't know about you, but I've just used
- 18:28Speaker 4: to always keep my calendar so busy I don't even
- 18:31Speaker 4: know what spending time was with myself. Then how would
- 18:34Speaker 4: I expect anyone else to want to be with me
- 18:36Speaker 4: if I don't even want to be with myself? Right,
- 18:39Speaker 4: So we need more downtime. We need some fun time
- 18:43Speaker 4: as well. Whatever brings you joy I'm an extrovert, so
- 18:46Speaker 4: I like to be around people. I get energy from people,
- 18:49Speaker 4: I can say the older I get. I like more
- 18:52Speaker 4: downtime than I ever have before, because I do. I
- 18:55Speaker 4: enjoy I enjoy my own thoughts. I enjoy thinking. I
- 19:00Speaker 4: crack myself up when I'm sitting there on yourself with
- 19:03Speaker 4: my cat, which is hilarious.
- 19:04Speaker 2: That's a whole other thing.
- 19:06Speaker 4: Okay, final homework today, the seven day boundary challenge.
- 19:10Speaker 2: Won't boom boom.
- 19:11Speaker 4: Okay, seven days before you say yes, ask yourself five questions.
- 19:17Speaker 4: So we're going to need to say okay, I'll get
- 19:19Speaker 4: back to you and let you know. Now we're going
- 19:20Speaker 4: to come to our money journal and we're going to
- 19:23Speaker 4: ask ourselves or I say yes.
- 19:24Speaker 2: These are my five questions. Number one, do I really
- 19:27Speaker 2: really want to do this? Number two?
- 19:29Speaker 4: Do I have the time to do this? Or am
- 19:32Speaker 4: I taking the time away from something else?
- 19:34Speaker 2: Number three?
- 19:35Speaker 4: Do I have the energy to do this? Number four?
- 19:38Speaker 4: Can I afford this financially? Is this in my financial
- 19:42Speaker 4: spending plan? And number five will I resent this later?
- 19:47Speaker 4: If the answer to the last question is yes, any
- 19:51Speaker 4: of those questions, we want to pause before committing. We
- 19:55Speaker 4: want to step back before we say yes, So the
- 19:58Speaker 4: five questions again, or you say yes to something, Do
- 20:01Speaker 4: I want to do this? Do I have time, energy,
- 20:05Speaker 4: money to do this? And will I resent it later?
- 20:09Speaker 4: We have to be aware of our resentments. They really
- 20:12Speaker 4: creep into relationships, all relationships, and then we build up resentments.
- 20:16Speaker 4: Kind of hard to get rid of past, old, deep
- 20:19Speaker 4: rooted resentments. So let's not create them anymore. If there's
- 20:23Speaker 4: one thing you want to remember today, it's be kind
- 20:26Speaker 4: without being exhausted. And you can be generous without being
- 20:32Speaker 4: completely depleted, right, And you can be loving without sacrificing
- 20:36Speaker 4: yourself and your own money, your own wealth, your own
- 20:40Speaker 4: desire for being able to retire early or be able
- 20:44Speaker 4: to enjoy your retirement. People pleasing may keep others comfortable
- 20:49Speaker 4: in the very short term, but healthy, healthy boundaries will
- 20:53Speaker 4: keep everyone healthy forever and thriving. So the more you
- 20:58Speaker 4: value your own time, your own energy, your own money,
- 21:01Speaker 4: your own piece, the easier it becomes to create relationships
- 21:05Speaker 4: built on respect instead of obligation or should of what
- 21:08Speaker 4: it could is right. So I want you to remember
- 21:11Speaker 4: it's not about the zeros, It's about creating a life
- 21:13Speaker 4: that honors your worth. Your values and your well being.
- 21:19Speaker 4: I want you healthy, wealthy, and wise with your own money.
- 21:23Speaker 4: So let's set those boundaries. Let's not be people pleasing,
- 21:27Speaker 4: and let's just love ourselves exactly how we are right now.
- 21:31Speaker 4: You are perfect as you are right now, and we're
- 21:35Speaker 4: only going to get better. Right I want you all
- 21:38Speaker 4: to be able to listen to all these episodes and
- 21:40Speaker 4: put this into money context. Right, Look at your money
- 21:43Speaker 4: where you're spending it. Look at all the money that
- 21:46Speaker 4: you're spending. Is that your values? Are you spending most
- 21:49Speaker 4: of your money where you value yourself? Put yourself star
- 21:53Speaker 4: in your own life. You are the star. My health
- 21:56Speaker 4: is really important to me. I exercise, eat health the
- 22:00Speaker 4: take my supplements. That's really important. When something's stressing me out,
- 22:04Speaker 4: I cut things off. I'm stressed out. Okay, I'm gonna
- 22:08Speaker 4: take a break, Go take a nap, go to the pool,
- 22:10Speaker 4: go relax, go for a walk.
- 22:12Speaker 2: I honor my energy. Do I do it one hundred
- 22:15Speaker 2: percent of the time? Of course not.
- 22:16Speaker 4: I'm not perfect, and this is something that I'm working
- 22:20Speaker 4: towards being better all the time. I hope this has
- 22:22Speaker 4: helped you all. So let's not get exhausted and let's
- 22:26Speaker 4: not people. Please, Let's please ourselves first. I am demanding
- 22:29Speaker 4: you to be selfish. I want you all to be
- 22:32Speaker 4: able to live your life the way you want to
- 22:34Speaker 4: limit So enjoy your money dates, Enjoy these episodes, listen
- 22:38Speaker 4: to more, and I want you all to be able
- 22:40Speaker 4: to say I rock my finances.
- 22:43Speaker 3: We appreciate you joining us today, and don't forget to
- 22:46Speaker 3: subscribe to the rock my Finances YouTube channel for more
- 22:49Speaker 3: engagement and bonus content. Tell me what is your money story?
- 22:54Speaker 3: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K four
- 22:57Speaker 3: HD Radio and Talk for TV. It's not about the zero,
- 23:01Speaker 3: It's about the F word. Feelings, feelings. Jennifer can't wait
- 23:05Speaker 3: to explore with you next week. Until then, let's all
- 23:08Speaker 3: say I rock my finances.