Latest / Born To The Game Podcast / Stop Trying to Fix People: Boundaries, Relationships & Letting Go | Born to the Game Podcast Special

Transcript

Stop Trying to Fix People: Boundaries, Relationships & Letting Go | Born to the Game Podcast Special · Born To The Game Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: One thing we realized through all of our conversations on
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Born to the Game is that no matter where you
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: come from, there are certain conversations almost all of us
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: wish we had growing up.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Today, we're talking about all the things that nobody really
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: prepared us for. Money, mental health, relationships, grief, identity, and
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: so much more.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: Let's get into it.
• 0:21
  Speaker 4: Let's do it.
• 0:29
  Speaker 5: Hey, girls.
• 0:57
  Speaker 6: Another day.
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: That hey girl was so weighted. And you're like, hey girl.
• 1:02
  Speaker 4: Hey girl.
• 1:04
  Speaker 5: It's been a week.
• 1:05
  Speaker 6: It's been a week.
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: And it's Monday.
• 1:06
  Speaker 6: And it's been a week.
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: It's been a week. And it's Monday.
• 1:10
  Speaker 5: And it's Monday.
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: Let's leave that right there. So how are you?
• 1:15
  Speaker 5: How are you?
• 1:16
  Speaker 6: I'm in LA right now. But I'm good. How are you?
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: I'm good.
• 1:21
  Speaker 5: I'm okay.
• 1:22
  Speaker 6: I'm here. I'm home in Memphis.
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: I think this conversation is going to help. I really
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: feel like.
• 1:26
  Speaker 5: This conversation is going to help me when I got
• 1:30
  Speaker 5: going on.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: There's nothing wrong per se, but I just feel like
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: I need a good talk.
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: So I think this is.
• 1:35
  Speaker 6: Going to help. Well, let's talk about it.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: So we are in our thirties and forties. We're not
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: going to expose the age.
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: But we're up there.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: And so we often look back on our upbringing and
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: our childhood and young adulthood and And we're like, dang,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: I wish I would have known this sooner. I wish
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I would have known this in high school. I wish
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: I would have known this when I was going through
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: my 20s or my early 30s. So we've all had
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: that moment where we're reflecting and we're like, dang, I
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: wish I would have known this when I was in
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: my early adulthood, my 20s, my early 30s, or even
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: in high school. So let's talk through at least one
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: thing that you wish you would have known earlier. that
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: you know now that we can pass forward to young
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: people who are navigating high school, young adulthood or life.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 2:29
  Speaker 6: Like there's a lot.
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: I was thinking about this one.
• 2:31
  Speaker 5: In the car, just kind of preparing for this episode.
• 2:34
  Speaker 7: Like I can't give you one, like being in your
• 2:38
  Speaker 7: forties is a really, really strange yet empowering time in
• 2:44
  Speaker 7: your life.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: You know, 20s, I don't know what the hell that was.
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: We're just going to leave it there.
• 2:50
  Speaker 5: 30s, you know, things get warmer.
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: But when you're in your 40s, you really.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: Kind of just kind of sit back and think like
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: what's going, you know what I'm saying?
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: So the two, I came up with two.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: And these two just kind of rang out very, very.
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: Clear for me.
• 3:05
  Speaker 6: Okay.
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: Number one, I wish I would have disrupted more.
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: And spoke way less. Like, I think growing up.
• 3:22
  Speaker 5: We're mostly taught to do the right thing, which we should.
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: I'm not saying we shouldn't.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: To do the right thing, to kind of be this
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: digestible person.
• 3:34
  Speaker 5: So you are likable, so you don't put up too
• 3:37
  Speaker 5: much of a fuss.
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: So you are this and that.
• 3:40
  Speaker 5: And I'm not saying that that is bad advice.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: Or bad upbringing, I would never say that, but I
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: really feel like I really wish I would.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: Have disrupted a lot more.
• 3:55
  Speaker 5: And there is something to just speaking a lot less. Okay.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: When we talk too much, I think it just weakens
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: our power. in certain things, I think as women, I
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: think we want to try and try. We want to
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: fix and figure out and talk and talk and talk
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: and talk.
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: I feel like I can show you better than I
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: can tell you.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: And if I were to do things over again, I
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: wish somebody would have told me, speak less.
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: And just let your action.
• 4:32
  Speaker 5: And what you do speak for you.
• 4:37
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Moving like an assassin. I was on the phone with
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: my friend's mother today.
• 4:44
  Speaker 6: We were talking about.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: Relationship stuff and she was like, women need to learn
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: how to move quietly, boldly, but quietly. Everything doesn't have
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: to be announced. Power doesn't, the most powerful person in
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: the room doesn't necessarily have to be the most vocal.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: But again, that's something that you learn as you just
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: navigate life. And it's true, you can take up space
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: without being big, right? I think a lot of the
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: times people think that in order for you to take
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: up space and climb the corporate ladder or in whatever
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: industry you have to be in, or even how you
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: navigate relationships, you always have to talk and voice yourself.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: But my response to that is, is that a response
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: feeling like you have to speak up? Is that a
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: response to not feeling confident?
• 5:36
  Speaker 6: And so you feel like you.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Have to overshare or you have to stand up for yourself.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Because I know for me, I feel like there's moments
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: where I felt the need to always have something to
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: say because I always felt silenced.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 5:48
  Speaker 5: So I'm not saying don't speak up for yourself.
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: What I'm saying is people hear you once you've done it.
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: And I think that's what we do.
• 5:56
  Speaker 5: We express ourselves and we speak up for ourselves.
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: And then it goes out.
• 6:00
  Speaker 6: So you've heard it.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: And then if we keep explaining myself, if I keep
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: having this argument over again, People know exactly what they're doing.
• 6:09
  Speaker 6: What they're doing.
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: They know exactly what they're doing. They know exactly how
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: they're doing it. They know exactly how they're treating you.
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: They know a lot of things.
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: And the more we speak and talk and explain, explain
• 6:19
  Speaker 5: and do it, finished.
• 6:20
  Speaker 6: It weakens your case. I agree with that.
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: It weakens.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: I feel like it just weakens our stance on things.
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: And it also just.
• 6:27
  Speaker 5: It makes you look like that you're not standing on
• 6:30
  Speaker 5: what you believe.
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: You're not standing.
• 6:32
  Speaker 6: And also, you're... It's like a.
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: It's like you're... You're just.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: You're begging to be heard.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: To be understood.
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: But you're like, almost like I'm betraying.
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: It's like self-betrayal to me.
• 6:46
  Speaker 6: I see.
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: If I continue to speak and speak and speak. And
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: I'm not talking about just relationships.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: I'm talking about, you know, in the workplace or, you know,
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: you speak up and you say what.
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: You have to say. And then people go over, listen,
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: I can show you better than I can tell you.
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: Let our actions be more than what we say.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: And I think that's, to me, this is something that
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I wish that I would have learned before. And, you know,
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: kind of, and it also kind of goes with the
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: disruption because.
• 7:13
  Speaker 5: I'm watching this really, really, really funny series on Prime.
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: It's called Ride or Die.
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: And it's hilarious because it's about an assassin and her
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: best friend.
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: It's super, super, super hilarious. But it's this femme fatale.
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: She's an assassin. And that's what she does.
• 7:27
  Speaker 6: She moves around. was silenced.
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: She speaks very little and she's killing all these people.
• 7:33
  Speaker 5: And the moment that she starts talking.
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: Her cover's blown.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow. There was too much speaking because you can't give,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: you're giving away your hand. And so I think just
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: in business and things like that, way less talking for
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: me moving forward, way less talking in this next season
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: of my life.
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: And I wish I would have learned that sooner.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: I wish I would have learned that When I was
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: working in corporate America, I wish I would have learned
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: that just in some of the businesses and things that
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: I was doing and some of the relationships I had.
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: I wish that.
• 8:04
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 8:05
  Speaker 6: No, it makes sense.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: A lot of pain is self-inflicted because we go back
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: and we're trying to explain and try and do all
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: this kind of stuff.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: And as part of the digital era, the social media
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: world that we're living in, where we feel like we need.
• 8:20
  Speaker 6: To overexpose everything.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: And so privacy isn't a thing anymore. So naturally, and
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: I feel sorry for young kids and young adults who
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: are navigating the space because you feel this sense of
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: pressure to overshare. And that goes in any aspect of
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: your life, your work life, your relationships, family, personally, you
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: always feel the need to share whatever it is that's
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: going on in your life or whatever move you're making.
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: Or to react.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 8:50
  Speaker 6: That's so true.
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: But I'm not clearing anything up.
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: I think that's the thing too.
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: I'm not clearing anything up.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: That's what you think.
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: That's what you think.
• 8:58
  Speaker 6: We got to let you think that. Stanton tells on
• 9:01
  Speaker 6: how you feel and what you said. I'm in that
• 9:04
  Speaker 6: era too. I said what I said. I meant what
• 9:06
  Speaker 6: I said.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: Now, how you take it, how you perceive.
• 9:09
  Speaker 6: It, how you analyze it, that's on you. But I
• 9:11
  Speaker 6: said what I said.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:14
  Speaker 6: And that's it. That's great advice.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: And I think people can start applying it to their
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: day-to-day now. So what's one piece of advice or how
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: do you advise someone who's listening to this who realizes
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: that they show their cards too often or they talk
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: too much? So what's the first step to getting people
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: to hold things closer to the chest?
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: I think it's just like saying, is saying this or.
• 9:43
  Speaker 5: Is talking about this going to solve the problem?
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: Is it going to hurt or help the situation? And
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: if you take the beat and say, you know what,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: whether I say this or not, this person is going
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: to believe what they believe anyway or me saying it
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: is not.
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: Going to change anything.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: And so if we take that beat and say does
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: this need to be said do is this a time
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: when I need to speak because sometimes things just don't
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: warrant anything just be quiet and then when you do
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: speak let it be something that needs to be said
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying so like just really, really
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: being choosy.
• 10:21
  Speaker 6: About when I speak.
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: Do you know what I mean?
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: And the things that I am saying, because when I
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: am speaking, it's.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Going to mean and be about something and not just
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: speaking on any and everything, because everything does not need
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: to have your energy, your breath, it all does.
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: And I think that's some things that I wish.
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: I would have done is everything does not need me
• 10:41
  Speaker 5: to speak on it.
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: What about you? What are you, what are you thinking?
• 10:46
  Speaker 6: Oh, it's so hard.
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: It's hard.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Earlier, there's so many things that I wish I would
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: have known sooner. This isn't the one that I want
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: to dive into, but I wish I was more confident
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: when I was younger to take up space. I think
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I was somebody who was so nervous to put myself
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: out there because I was.
• 11:07
  Speaker 6: Afraid of criticism. I was afraid of being too much
• 11:12
  Speaker 6: or not enough.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: And so I prevented myself from taking up spaces that
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: I should have been just more comfortable and confident doing.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: But that's not the one I want to dive into today.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I think for this conversation, I want to touch on relationships.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: I wish I would have known that it's.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: Okay to not change people.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: It's okay to not feel the need or the pressure
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: to turn somebody into a version that you want them
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: to be.
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Accept people for who they are, accept people for where
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: they are on their journey. And I think we spend
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: too much time and energy trying to build a bear
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: instead of finding people who we already know align with
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: where we're at emotionally and spiritually.
• 12:08
  Speaker 6: That's what I wish I would have known sooner.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Everybody that I met from men, friendships, any situation that
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: I was in, I felt like it was my.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: Duty to fix, to solve a problem.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: If something is happening with this individual physically, emotionally, it's
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: my job to take care of at the expense of
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: my own emotions, at the expense of my own mental health,
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: because I saw my mom do it a lot. I
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: saw my family do it a lot.
• 12:42
  Speaker 6: We're givers.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: And we naturally want everybody to be happy, to be whole.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: We feel like, again, that we have this power to
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: change situations. And I had to get to the point
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: where I'm like, I am not God. I do not
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: have superpowers. I can only do so much to try
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: to help somebody. But there comes a point where you
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: have to establish boundaries. And that's why I didn't realize
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: I lacked boundaries until I got to my 30s.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: Was exiting a previous relationship.
• 13:17
  Speaker 6: I had no idea, Tamera.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: That I was even struggling with any of this until
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: I got to my 30s. And then once I was
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: in therapy and I realized that I had this complex,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: I'm like, wow.
• 13:29
  Speaker 6: So that explains this relationship.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: That explains this, you know, job process.
• 13:37
  Speaker 6: Career, whatever.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: That explains this friendship because I'm always in the mode
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: of trying to fix. And then when people aren't giving
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: me that same energy or when my cup is running empty,
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: I'm sitting around like, well, wait a minute.
• 13:51
  Speaker 6: I thought this is what I'm supposed to do.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: I just always felt like, again, it was never enough.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: So all that to say is try to find people
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: who are where you're at now. Don't fall for potential.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Try to find or surround yourself with people who are
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: aligned with who you are and where you are going.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: And that's the key.
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: You have to know who you are.
• 14:15
  Speaker 6: I didn't know who I was.
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: I thought I knew who I was when I was
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: in high school.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: I thought I knew the type of man that I
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: wanted in my life, the type of friends, the type
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: of career, the type of colleagues that I wanted.
• 14:27
  Speaker 6: I had no idea.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Because my behavior and how I responded to people didn't
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: reflect that. And so when I got to this stage
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: in my life where I was able to take a
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: pen and paper and write down who I am, like
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: to my core and what I want out of life.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: And I looked back on the people that I surrounded
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: myself with. I'm like, wait, these, these two, these are
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: two different types of people. But I was trying to
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: get that version or the version that I thought these
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: people were to fit into my, into my cup.
• 15:00
  Speaker 6: It's like a square trying to fit into a triangle.
• 15:03
  Speaker 6: Doesn't work.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: And so we have to give ourselves permission to let
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: go of people who we know do not align with
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: where we are, who we are, and where we're going.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: And you do not need to fix anybody. And again,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: it's okay to accept people where they are, even though
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: you know that they're not supposed to be in your
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: life and vice versa.
• 15:26
  Speaker 6: That's what I wish.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: That young people would know sooner than later, because I
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: think it saves a lot of heartache.
• 15:34
  Speaker 6: And it saves a lot of time and energy.
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: I don't think you have to be young. I think
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: that could be anybody.
• 15:39
  Speaker 5: I mean, of course, we're going back and, you know,
• 15:42
  Speaker 5: kind of saying, dang, I wish.
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: But even in that, like, hey, I hope that.
• 15:46
  Speaker 5: Moving forward, you know what I'm saying, that I really, really,
• 15:49
  Speaker 5: you know, if I really want to, you know, disrupt
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: some things, you know, that's okay.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Or if I really want to stop fixing that, you know,
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: because I don't know anybody trying to fix me.
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying?
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: I don't, I mean.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: Or change me, I should say. I don't want anybody
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: to try to change me because that's God's job.
• 16:08
  Speaker 6: I mean, he's going to change us just in maturity.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: So it's, shoot, you can learn that at any stage
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: in life, I think, especially if that comes as a
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: part of how you usually roll.
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying?
• 16:19
  Speaker 5: Do you feel like being born to the game, like
• 16:22
  Speaker 5: attributed to that?
• 16:23
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: Because again, growing up in my home, we are givers.
• 16:28
  Speaker 6: We still are givers. Yes.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: And we want everybody to feel welcome. We want everybody
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: to feel safe. And we are the family that people
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: go to when there's problems. We always have to have
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: a solution. And so I felt like that was part
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: of my job. At one point, Tamara, I didn't even
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: believe that I had the right. And I don't know
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: if I've ever said this on camera, but I went
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: through a phase where I didn't feel like I had
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: the right to say that I was bothered or upset.
• 16:57
  Speaker 6: By how people were even treating me because the lifestyle
• 17:00
  Speaker 6: that I live. And I'm here to help.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: And, you know, this person is sad or this person
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: is going through this and this person is going through that.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: And I'm supposed to try to find a solution and
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to try to help. But then when I
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: look back and I'm like, well, damn, I've been beat
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: the hell up.
• 17:17
  Speaker 6: I've been abused. I've been cheated on. I've been betrayed.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: I've been all the things. And where are these people
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: trying to help fill my cup back up?
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: They're not here, but yet I'm still supposed to be.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: The person who tries to change and fix and just.
• 17:35
  Speaker 6: Accept the abuse in a sense.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: And by no means am I saying that my parents
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: wanted me to accept abuse, but my thought process made
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: it seem like and how I perceived the world and
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: my life at the time, I thought that that.
• 17:50
  Speaker 6: Was just part of what I was supposed to do.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: And so now I'm giving myself permission and other people
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: permission to say, I don't have to do that. Let's
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: even talk about it from a relationship standpoint, right? You're dating,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: you know that you, within the next year or two,
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: you want to be married.
• 18:09
  Speaker 6: And you meet a young.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Man or a young woman who says, I think you're amazing,
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: I love you to death, but I don't want to
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: be married until, I don't know, another 10 years down
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: the road. It's okay to accept that person's journey and
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: move on. Instead of sticking around, hoping that you change
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: their mind, hoping that the situation changes so they fit
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: into a version that you want them to be. Allow
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: yourself to release people back on their journey while you
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: continue yours. And then if you end up meeting later
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: down the road, that's cool. But I think we so
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: often try to force things to be a thing. And
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: that's why we're met with a lot of resistance and
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: chaos and turmoil. So just give yourself permission to let
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: it be, find your people, write down things that are
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: priority to you for yourself, for your friends, for your relationships,
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: for your work environment, and then go find it. And
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: if it doesn't match, that's okay.
• 19:10
  Speaker 6: Just move on.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think there should be more education.
• 19:14
  Speaker 6: I think so too.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: There should be more education because if you think about it,
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: nobody sat us down and told us how to be
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: in relationships.
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: I mean, they tell us about what makes a good friend. Okay.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: So they talk about that, but they don't talk about
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: how to be in different kinds of relationships.
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: And I think that we're supposed to just kind of
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: figure it out by trial and error.
• 19:36
  Speaker 6: Trial and error. Trial and error.
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: But it's just like, I wish there.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: Were more conversations as you're growing up about how to
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: be in an appropriate relationship.
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: What is appropriate?
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: In this, you know, in this situation, when it's appropriate.
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: So, you know what I'm saying?
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Like all the many and appropriate meaning like, and I
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: think in that conversation, it teaches you boundaries because now
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: you have some kind of guidance to say, okay, how
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: do you feel about this when they do this?
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: I don't like it.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: Well, when this comes up, that's not something you want.
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: So you need to speak up and.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: Say, and if they don't receive it, then you need to,
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: I just think there needs to be more.
• 20:19
  Speaker 5: Of a conversation about a lot of things. When I
• 20:23
  Speaker 5: was talking about other people and being in relationship with
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: other people.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: And I'm glad you said, speak up. It's okay to
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: speak up.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: And I know again, like we, we had the conversation
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: about it's okay to keep things close to your chest.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: But it's also okay to speak up when necessary.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: When necessary. Speak up for yourself. If something doesn't feel right,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: speak up. That's okay, too. It doesn't make you mean.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean you're combative. Oh, she's irritable. She has
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: anger issues. No, I'm just speaking up for myself. And
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: that's another thing I wish I would have known sooner,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: that me speaking up doesn't mean that I'm trying.
• 21:02
  Speaker 6: To be combative.
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: It's just self-respect.
• 21:05
  Speaker 6: It's just self-respect. That's all that it is.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: And anybody who gives you resistance to that.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: Doesn't need to be in your life or you need
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: to reevaluate that relationship. So again, anybody at any stage
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: in their journey can relate and they can digest this
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: information because it's just solid information that people can have
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: and should know, again, whether you're in high school, you're
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: in your early teens.
• 21:37
  Speaker 6: 20s, 40s, 50s, 60s.
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: Establishing boundaries can come.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: At any stage in your life, and it's just good
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: for people to have.
• 21:46
  Speaker 6: I think so. That info.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: So I'm just going to say I challenge you this
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: week to kind of lean into what you said and
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: what you learned.
• 21:58
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: And see how that works for you. See that life.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: Yes. I'm going to challenge myself as well because yeah.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: So it's, it's, it's a challenge. And you out there too.
• 22:14
  Speaker 6: Absolutely.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: I was going to say to the listeners, to people
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: who are watching, write down one thing that you wish
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: you would have known when you were younger and And
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: apply it, share it with a friend, share it with
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: your social media.
• 22:27
  Speaker 6: Platforms, just pass it forward.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: I think we're at this stage in our lives now
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: where it's okay to share information and we should want
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: to share as much information as we have and knowledge
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: and wisdom to the next generation.
• 22:40
  Speaker 5: No gatekeeping.
• 22:42
  Speaker 6: We do not gatekeep over here. So yeah.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: Thanks for tuning in to Born to the Game and
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: we will see you next time.