Latest / Unbalanced with Cerys Davage / 46. Learning to embrace my disability (ft. Ali Cameron)

Transcript

46. Learning to embrace my disability (ft. Ali Cameron) · Unbalanced with Cerys Davage

0:10
Hello everyone, welcome back to Unbalanced with Me, Kerry
0:13
Savage. How are we all?
0:15
One thing I love about doing this podcast is getting to meet
0:18
so many different people with different experiences and
0:21
amazing stories. And today I'm meeting with you
0:25
guys. We're meeting for the first time
0:27
a lovely lady called Ali. Hi, Ali, how are you?
0:30
Hi, I'm doing great. Thank you so much for having me.
0:33
Thanks for coming on. I'm excited to chat to you
0:36
today, but we are virtual over Zoom.
0:39
Tell us why that is. Yeah, very much at a distance.
0:45
I'm based in Vancouver in Canada, some on the West Coast.
0:49
And yeah, it's across time zones, very much so.
0:53
Yeah, definitely. It's it's 9:00 AM for you, but
0:56
5:00 PM for me. So there's a difference.
0:59
So Ali, can you introduce yourself to us?
1:01
Tell us a bit about yourself and where you're from.
1:04
Where I'm from is always a really interesting question.
1:08
So I was actually born in the UK, in London, but my dad is
1:14
originally Argentine, very much within the sort of Anglo
1:18
community there. But I mean, his last name's
1:20
Cameron, his first name's Sean. He's clearly very Anglo, but
1:23
he's 4th generation Argentine and around the time when I was
1:29
too two years old, he and my mom decided to move to Argentina.
1:33
My grandfather was retiring, passing on the farmland to the
1:37
next in line and my dad took on the mantle and we moved to
1:41
literally the middle of nowhere in Argentina and that's where I
1:45
grew up. I spent my childhood running
1:48
around the farm with my siblings.
1:51
After that, went to boarding school with in Argentina and
1:55
then was all set to move to boarding school in Canada for my
1:58
high school. And right before I I left for
2:01
that or I was meant to leave for that, we went on a big family
2:04
holiday on a skiing trip. And that is where I had the
2:08
accident that led to my spinal cord injury and is why I'm here,
2:13
because that's led to basically a life of disability since then.
2:19
So, yeah, following that, I spent a year, I guess, in pretty
2:25
intense rehabilitation and getting reintroduced into the
2:28
world. But part of that whole process
2:31
was really keeping that goal of boarding school in Canada as the
2:35
ultimate thing to strive for. And we're like, OK, we're
2:37
pushing it back a year. We're still going.
2:38
We're going to keep me somewhat in line with what everyone was
2:42
doing in Grade 9. So I did a little bit of
2:44
schooling while I was doing physical rehab and got all set
2:47
up to then basically a year after my accident, go to
2:51
boarding school in a small town in Ontario about an hour and a
2:55
half outside of Toronto. Yeah, I did my high school there
2:58
and that was a whole fun experience.
3:02
Then I did my undergraduate degree at the University of
3:05
Toronto and then I did my masters in the UK.
3:08
Actually, I went to LSE for my masters, which is great.
3:12
Then back to Canada. My boyfriend at the time, but
3:15
husband now, was still in Canada, so I went back and then
3:19
we together moved from Toronto to Vancouver and I've been here
3:22
for eight years now. Wow.
3:25
OK, so you've you've been around.
3:28
Yes, I yes, exactly the where you're from question is always a
3:31
loaded one for me, just as it is very layered.
3:35
But what I appreciate about that experience as a whole is just
3:39
how many different perspectives I've been able to build into
3:42
just my view of the world and being able to speak different
3:45
languages is always, of course, really wonderful and just having
3:49
friends in different places. I, I love having a a global
3:52
perspective and I think it's also a big part of what goes
3:56
into the work that I do now. Oh cool, how many languages do
3:59
you speak? What languages?
4:01
English and Spanish for like as bilingual and then my French is
4:05
not as good as it used to be but French as well and some Italian.
4:09
Yeah. Oh wow.
4:10
It's really cool to have connections kind of globally
4:13
like you said. I'm sure you've learnt so much
4:16
going from one place to the other, but do you think
4:18
Vancouver is the right choice for you now?
4:20
Yeah, Yeah. It, it definitely feels like
4:22
home. A couple of years ago, my
4:25
husband and I brought our nearest and dearest over here
4:28
for our wedding celebration. And it was really sort of, I
4:32
don't know, that was a really pivotal moment and like, hey,
4:34
welcome to this place that we both call home and that we
4:37
really embraced as part of our lives here.
4:40
And we have our two dogs here as well.
4:41
And it's just like it feels, yeah, it feels like we have
4:44
roots here with the community that we've built here, too.
4:47
That's amazing and I'm sure it feels more like home now that
4:50
your nearest and dearest have seen the area and you've made
4:53
memories with them where you live now.
4:55
Yeah, that that definitely made a difference.
4:57
I think of like, it wasn't just me sharing photos.
5:00
Now I can actually have conversations with them and be
5:02
like, oh, remember where you say it, it's just like a couple of
5:04
blocks down from there. Or just really contextualise it
5:07
for them. So what do you do for work?
5:09
I am I work for myself. I am a freelance writer.
5:13
I they work for a lot of different companies,
5:15
particularly in the tech space to help them write their long
5:18
form content. It comes from having worked at a
5:22
content marketing agency for a few years before that and really
5:26
sort of solidifying my skill set in the marketing space.
5:29
I decided after a while working with agency, even into the
5:35
beginning of the pandemic, I just, I, I realised that we were
5:38
being just stretched into many directions and that I wanted
5:41
more control of my time. And yeah, I took the plunge into
5:44
freelance and it's been pretty phenomenal.
5:47
I've been very fortunate that people are willing to talk about
5:50
the work that I do. And that means that most of the
5:54
relationships that I have with my clients are based on
5:56
referrals, which has been great. It's also really sort of put me
6:00
in a place where I can do the advocacy work that I'm doing.
6:02
I'll see your perspectives, which I really appreciate.
6:04
I'm not sure I'd be able to do it to the same extent if I were
6:07
working a full time job. Elsewhere, oh, sounds amazing,
6:10
and I know how tough it can be to be freelance, so I'm so glad
6:15
that you're doing amazing. And yes, it's great to hear.
6:18
So you mentioned that you had an accident, and what can you tell
6:21
us about the accident itself? And yeah, in what way did you
6:26
need to get into a wheelchair afterwards?
6:28
So I was with my family and we were, we were skiing, as I said,
6:34
we were at one of the sort of known resorts in Argentina.
6:37
And it was, I think the second time I'd been skiing and my
6:42
sister and I were part of just this little group with an
6:46
instructor. We got to the top of one of the
6:49
hills and for some reason I like wasn't feeling right.
6:53
I have this sort of in my head of looking down and be like, I'm
6:55
not sure I'm going to be able to do this one.
6:57
And so I went down scared. Yeah, I tried to break and I
7:00
couldn't. And the next thing I knew was on
7:02
my back. I immediately couldn't move my
7:05
legs there. The instructor, I think, was
7:07
there. There were a couple of other
7:08
people who came over. It so happened that I think my
7:10
uncle was nearby and saw us. And then, yeah, they slutted me
7:15
down the mountain and sort of had me in a local hospital for
7:19
one night and then airlifted me to to Buenos Aires, the capital,
7:24
to a hospital there just because better medical facilities.
7:27
I don't know if it's part of the level of advancement of the
7:31
medical system in Argentina or what, but they really didn't get
7:34
it in time to try and sort of mitigate the impact of kind of
7:38
the spinal cord injury because there was no break.
7:41
There was no severed cord. It was just like a, an
7:44
overstretch and shock to the system.
7:46
They did do a surgery to put a couple of screws in my back to
7:51
stabilise it, but it was a very sort of, yeah, very quick, very
7:55
quick thing. And I think anytime I tell that
7:58
story, people are like, oh, wow, like that's all it took.
8:00
I'm like, yeah, I had not a scratch on my body except for
8:03
like under my chin where the helmet came off.
8:05
And other than that, like, intact.
8:08
So good job. Good job.
8:13
I'm saying I'm staying intact. But like, yeah, just an internal
8:17
injury ultimately with my spinal cord and like no broken bone,
8:21
like no, nothing. It was just like an
8:23
overstretched ligament and an injury to my spinal cord.
8:26
Yeah. So very clear from the get go
8:28
that I was paralysed and that or paraplegic and that I would be
8:32
using wheelchair moving forward. Yeah, I mean, the time and sort
8:36
of hospital and rehab is a bit sort of hazy and fuzzy.
8:39
It's like doesn't take up a lot of space in my brain.
8:41
And that's probably probably me trauma blocking a lot of things.
8:45
But yeah, it was a few weeks in hospital.
8:48
I had to stay a bit longer than I expected because I had AI
8:52
developed a lung infection while I was in there, which is great
8:55
when you don't have the strength to cough.
8:58
So a lot of sort of medical trauma around aspirations and
9:01
stuff like that, which was not a delight.
9:04
Yeah. And then I was at the
9:05
rehabilitation centre in Argentina called the Flenny,
9:08
which is really sophisticated centre and I think the best in
9:13
Latin America. So we were very fortunate in
9:15
that we had access to that. There was a lot of building
9:18
physical strength and relearning how to do things and learning
9:22
how to use my chair too. I like, I actually had an
9:24
instructor who like was teaching me how to use a wheelchair and
9:28
move quickly and like tackle ramps and and learn how to
9:31
wheelie, which is the thing I can do and go down like a single
9:36
step with the wheelie. It's like all these things that
9:39
are now muscle memory. But it was, yeah, it was
9:41
relearning how to exist in the world, right.
9:43
This is before. High school, right?
9:45
This was. Yeah, this was right before high
9:46
school. I was 14, still a baby.
9:49
Yeah, as I said, it was a pretty impactful thing at the time.
9:53
And I think the way I got through it was very much because
9:56
we had that set goal of like, this is what we're trying to
9:59
accomplish, this is where we're going, this is what you like,
10:01
you can do it. Let's go.
10:03
So that added a determination that was probably probably
10:05
already intrinsic, but like a big sort of determination drive
10:09
to the way I approached my rehabilitation and, and I got to
10:12
where I wanted to go, which is great.
10:14
But it's interesting sort of looking back on it now and
10:17
obviously having been in therapy for the last year and a half,
10:19
I've been able to build a lot of compassion for the person that I
10:22
was then. And obviously, yes, it's great
10:25
that I had that determination. It's great that I had that
10:27
drive. But like, I stop and think about
10:29
the fact now that a year after I had my accident, I was already
10:32
going into a boarding school on the other side of the continent.
10:35
It's just like, it's baffling to me.
10:37
Why did I even have time to, like, sit with my new reality
10:41
and like, accept the fact that things were going to be really,
10:44
really different and find acceptance?
10:48
And I don't think I did. My experience in high school was
10:51
very much based on the fact that I was really trying to fit in
10:56
and not stand out and put the focus far away from my
11:01
disability and much more on like, I'm an excellent student.
11:06
I'm getting really good grades. Like this is how I'm showing up
11:09
and performing. And like, you don't, I mean, I
11:11
don't want to say in in spite of my disability, but ultimately in
11:14
spite of my disability is I think the persona I was trying
11:17
to put on. Again, looking back now, that
11:20
meant that I was living with a lot of shame around my
11:23
disability, which, yeah, again, now is heartbreaking to say and
11:27
to think. But there was a lot of shame.
11:29
And some of it came obviously from me.
11:31
But also I think what I need to keep reminding myself is like,
11:34
hey, you are 15. Like, there were a lot of adults
11:38
around you that were should have been responsible for taking care
11:41
of you and making sure you weren't feeling shame and
11:43
connecting you to people who could show you what this
11:46
experience could be like in a positive way.
11:49
And none of that happened. And I'm sure some people tried
11:51
in the best, in the ways that they knew how, but it didn't
11:53
happen. Yeah.
11:54
In the way that I'm now trying to sort of like do that for
11:56
myself retrospectively almost. Yeah, at that age, you don't
12:01
want to be different to other people.
12:02
You know, the the last thing you want is to have an extra thing
12:06
that people will notice and you can't help it and all you want
12:09
to do is fit in. So I I can imagine that suddenly
12:12
you've had to adapt to a life of a disabled person.
12:16
And I'm sure, yeah, I'm sure a lot of that was just living in
12:19
denial of it for a very long time.
12:21
And I know I was definitely like that when I first had to use a
12:24
wheelchair. I hated the thought of it.
12:27
I was like, this is like putting a label on me now this is all
12:30
people are going to see me as. But actually, it's not
12:33
necessarily maybe at that age, though.
12:35
Maybe at that age it's different.
12:37
Yeah, yeah. At that age when you're the only
12:40
visibly disabled person in a high school of 350 people, there
12:44
are moments that I still feel very, like, deeply in my body.
12:47
Like the school building itself was 2 storeys high.
12:52
And they didn't have an elevator at the time that I joined, but
12:54
they added, you know, those stuffs that like our platforms
12:57
that go upstairs. So they did this, but for a full
13:01
stack of like, from one story to another.
13:03
So it went down and it zigzagged and yeah.
13:06
And I would time it so that I wouldn't have to go when up.
13:10
The hordes of students would move from like bottom floor to
13:12
top floor and vice versa. Obviously, there were times
13:14
where I couldn't time it perfectly and I had to move for
13:16
all the other students. And it was just like I was
13:19
always begging that it wouldn't stall and wouldn't get stuck.
13:21
And of course, it did a couple of times.
13:24
And I was just like, cool, I'm stuck here while students are
13:26
trying to move from one place to another.
13:28
Everyone's looking at me. And it's just like there are
13:31
moments of like teenage shame and angst that are just hell
13:34
somewhere in your body. And that is just one of them.
13:37
There was once that the school invited this visit, again,
13:40
visibly disabled woman, wheelchair user, to come and
13:44
tell her story. But it was just like, for me, it
13:46
was like, what are you doing? What are you doing?
13:48
You're exposing me. And then she started talking
13:50
about very personal things in terms of figuring out how to use
13:52
the washroom and stuff like that.
13:54
I'm like, no, no, what are you doing right now?
13:57
Like I don't want people knowing all the stuff that I'm doing to
14:00
just like, exist. Yeah.
14:02
That was one of the most mortifying experiences at
14:05
school. And I left.
14:06
I left the theatre and I was like, oh, I was in tears.
14:08
There was 1 teacher I think who clued in to it.
14:10
And I was like, oh wait, maybe we shouldn't have done this.
14:13
But but there was no conversation after it.
14:15
And stuff like that too. It was just like, OK, cool.
14:18
Yeah, that. Just doesn't sit right with me.
14:19
Like the fact that they didn't talk to you about it beforehand.
14:23
It was a complete, like, surprise.
14:26
And sitting there, she was talking.
14:27
I was like, oh God, where's this going?
14:29
It was not fun. But of course, like, still
14:32
managed to have a good experience at high school.
14:33
I've got friends from high school that are still very near
14:37
and dear to me at the time. I think it was very challenging.
14:39
It was also very good. And it's like, yeah, it's it's
14:42
the both end that's so prevalent in any sort of disability
14:45
experience. No, it's just like, yeah,
14:48
there's a lot of challenges, but also there's a lot of good.
14:50
And I think opening yourself up to the good is is a powerful
14:54
thing to do at the end of the day.
14:55
Definitely, Yeah. It's a scary step, advocating
14:58
for yourself, but it's so worth it.
15:00
But since then, you've you've done so much, You know, you
15:03
obviously grew through high school.
15:05
You came to London to do your master's.
15:09
What was that experience like not only in a different city,
15:11
but a different country? As a wheelchair user?
15:14
Yeah. London is tricky.
15:15
It's obviously a beautiful place, but like any old city,
15:20
it's a bit of a challenge to get around.
15:22
And I mean the university itself was great.
15:25
Like I had a great time at LSC and made a lot of great friends.
15:28
It was a, it was a very fun year.
15:30
It goes by very quickly because it is just a year.
15:32
I had a really lovely time and that year also sort of
15:36
solidified in me. OK, maybe I don't need to live
15:38
in London like long term, like that's fine.
15:41
I've had my time here. Actually.
15:43
My sister lives in London and loves it.
15:45
And like, she's been there since her undergraduate degree.
15:48
I could, like, I'd seen on the sidelines the life that she'd
15:50
built for herself there and really appreciate it.
15:53
But I knew that to live there, I would have to give up a lot of
15:56
comfort. And.
15:58
Yeah, And I think part of the choice of living in Vancouver is
16:01
sort of the antithesis of that. Like, I'm in a place where, I
16:05
mean, obviously there are still challenges and barriers and
16:07
like, not everything is accessible, but a lot more is
16:09
accessible. So it means that I can sort of
16:11
exist in the world more comfortably, more at ease, more
16:15
as myself. But something worth worth
16:18
investing in for me. Oh.
16:19
Definitely. I mean, it's your life, right?
16:22
You have to invest in your own self.
16:24
Yeah, I. Mean and I think it's there is a
16:27
grief there too, like there is a bit of grieving that I do for
16:30
not having had that life. Like, I think growing up before
16:33
my accident, I had this vision of going to university in the UK
16:37
because it's what my parents have done, building a life
16:39
there. And anytime I go to the UK, like
16:41
England does provide me with like, a feeling of home, even
16:45
though I've never, like, lived there except for that one year
16:47
in London there. I have a lot of familial
16:49
relationships there and family friends who are there and my
16:52
godparents are there. So it feels very familial to me.
16:57
So yeah, there is a little bit of grieving of like I wouldn't
16:59
be as as comfortable living there and I need to let that go
17:03
because of that. And that's OK.
17:04
And that's the decision I'm comfortable making.
17:06
But also there is that grief too.
17:08
So we come back to the both end there.
17:11
And I think, I mean, that's true of a lot of decisions in life.
17:13
Definitely. I mean, it is easy to fall down
17:16
kind of a rabbit hole of all the different lives that you could
17:19
have lived. But the best way to see it is to
17:21
just know that you are on the right path, you are in the right
17:24
life. You know, this was the life
17:26
meant for you. You just got to make the most of
17:28
what you have. Yeah.
17:30
Yeah, exactly. Unbalanced is proudly sponsored
17:32
by the CURE LGMD 2I Foundation. The foundation was created by
17:36
the Brazo family when their daughter Sammy was diagnosed
17:39
with Limb Girdle Muscular Dystrophy type 2 I at the age of
17:42
2. At that time, there were no FDA
17:45
approved therapies for two I, so they created this nonprofit
17:48
organisation with a mission to spread awareness, provide
17:51
advocacy for the patient community, and to raise funds to
17:54
support research for LGMD 2 I. To find out more or to donate,
17:58
visit CURE lgmd2i.com and thank you so much to the Foundation
18:03
for sponsoring this podcast. I wanted to talk about your your
18:07
work because the way I found you was through your Instagram
18:11
Seated Perspectives. I want to know what made you
18:14
want to start Seated Perspectives I.
18:16
Was actually thinking about this really, because I'm not sure I
18:19
had ever sort of articulated the origin story.
18:22
I took a full time job in the last couple of years with the
18:26
client that I'd had and they needed someone to come in and
18:30
create a whole capability around their content marketing
18:33
function. And I was like, cool, that
18:35
sounds like a great thing that I could do.
18:37
It would give me the skill to sort of advise people on
18:39
building teams and stuff like that.
18:41
And the job didn't end up being what it was advertised to be.
18:44
So it was a very short stint, but working again for a company
18:48
full time reminded me of how much advocacy I have to do just
18:54
to exist as an employee. And this was me working largely
18:57
remote. But there were a couple of
18:59
instances where I went into the office and it wasn't fully
19:02
comfortable. And another where they were
19:06
planning like a big Summer Bash event.
19:09
And one of the activities for an afternoon was like, oh, we're
19:13
going to go play beach volleyball.
19:15
And I was like, excuse me here, what now?
19:19
So I sort of sent an e-mail back being like, hey, like, just saw
19:23
that this was an activity that everyone's being invited to
19:26
checking what the access like details are.
19:29
Like, Ken, are there pathways for wheelchairs to get around?
19:33
Sand is not a friendly environment for a wheelchair.
19:36
So just putting that out there. And the person who responded
19:42
went a little on the like hyperdrive defensive and
19:46
immediately got back to me. It's like, oh, they have these
19:48
like beach wheelchairs, like, and sent me the photo of, you
19:50
know, the ones with like the big inflatable wheels and like, it's
19:53
basically like one of those lounge chairs but with wheels.
19:57
I'm like, cool, I don't know any of you personally.
20:01
I'm not going to get into this chair and ask someone to push me
20:03
around. Like you do realise that's not
20:05
self propelling. So I like, again, very
20:08
professionally responded to that e-mail.
20:11
But it was like, and then the HR person got involved and it was
20:13
like, oh, wait, like let us check.
20:15
And that was just like, OK, this is really uncomfortable.
20:18
But right before I left, they were hosting other events for
20:21
something else. And one of the things that they
20:23
included as an activity was zip lining.
20:25
And I'm like, Jesus Christ, if you've learned nothing.
20:28
So again, I checked and I'm like, hey, not sure if this is
20:31
an appropriate event only because I'm now leaving, but
20:35
maybe you don't want to include things that people can't
20:37
actually participate in. Like as an employer, you need to
20:40
be choosing events or planning events that are lowest common
20:43
denominator accessible to as many people as possible.
20:46
Yeah. Just inclusive, not everyone
20:49
exactly. So it's just like, OK, so I left
20:53
that job and then I was like, OK, I need to write something
20:56
about this because this isn't the only experience.
20:58
And I in every single one of my jobs have compromised and not
21:04
vocally. And it's not been like an
21:05
agreement. It's been more like, OK, I need
21:07
to not raise this issue. Same theme as in high school.
21:10
I don't want to draw attention to myself.
21:12
I want to come in. I want to do good work.
21:14
I want to be seen like any other employee.
21:16
I don't want to draw attention to any accommodations I might
21:19
need. So this led to me working for a
21:22
BIG4 consulting firm that had like access issues being denied
21:27
and working with some clients because they didn't have
21:29
accessible locations. Working for, again, the last
21:33
agency I worked with who were so like proud of the fact that they
21:37
had this like two floor loft apartment where the office was
21:41
in, I couldn't get to the second floor.
21:43
I couldn't get to their fancy rooftop patio without a lot of
21:46
help. And so like the list goes on,
21:48
right? And it's lots of things that
21:49
I've just like nodded and ignored and just pushed through
21:54
to get access to the jobs that I wanted.
21:56
And I sort of got to the end of this job and having realised
21:59
that, hey, working for myself means that I don't have any of
22:02
these issues, I was like, no, I need to write about this.
22:06
And so I did a massive LinkedIn post, not calling anyone out
22:10
specifically, but just like, here's all the things I've gone
22:12
through. And I had colleagues respond to
22:15
me being like, whoa, and like past colleagues.
22:18
And like a lot of people who just like the post got a lot of
22:20
engagement and a lot of people going like, Oh my God, I never
22:22
realised that this is what you went through.
22:25
And I'm like, yeah. And I don't think I ever fully
22:27
acknowledged it either because as disabled folks, again, we
22:30
convince ourselves to fit in and to not draw attention to our to
22:33
the issues we might face. After that post got a lot of
22:36
attention, I sort of went, oh, there's something here like,
22:40
I've got these skills. I like know how to write, I know
22:44
how to communicate, and I do it well.
22:46
And I haven't yet really leaned into advocating for my
22:51
disability and for disability as a whole.
22:54
I haven't really connected to the disability community yet. 16
22:58
years after my disability, I hadn't yet.
23:00
And I was like this, I think feels like the time to start
23:02
doing that. So I started with just the name,
23:05
so see the perspectives and just quietly following a bunch of
23:09
people and seeing what they were doing.
23:12
October 2022, I started posting and it started sort of very
23:18
shakily and like, not wanting to put my face on camera for a
23:21
while and all the rest of it. And it's grown to what it is
23:24
now. Yeah.
23:25
There's so much I love about the work that I'm doing.
23:27
I think it sort of came from me just having enough and really
23:31
wanting to sort of put my skills to something that really sparks
23:35
glimmers in my day-to-day a lot more.
23:38
That's so. Good that you finally felt like
23:40
you could embrace, you know, the the disability culture, I guess.
23:45
Yeah. After so much time spent
23:47
advocating for yourself, feeling like you were the only one and
23:50
feeling like you were just the inconvenience in every situation
23:53
you were in, which, by the way, is so wrong.
23:55
But people just don't understand how much work we have to do to
24:01
include ourselves in things and to advocate for ourselves in
24:04
situations because they just don't see it as even an
24:07
obstacle. So to finally find your people
24:10
on social media is just really nice to hear and I'm sure it
24:13
made you feel a bit better about being disabled I guess and just
24:17
like not being the only one. I talk about this a lot, but
24:19
part of the transformation for me was really starting to have
24:24
my own stories reflected back at me.
24:27
So reading Sitting Pretty Friends, and I'm not gonna get
24:32
her name right, but that's one book that I was like, wow, there
24:35
are other people who feel exactly like I feel in certain
24:38
situations. I think it's Rebecca Tausig is
24:41
her name. So yeah, sitting pretty bad.
24:43
Rebecca Tausig was a huge entry point for me.
24:46
And yeah, and then there's so many wonderful creators in the
24:48
space, tonnes in the UK, which I love engaging with, but
24:53
elsewhere as well. And like you said, it made me
24:55
feel much less alone. It helps me embrace that part of
24:59
myself in a much warmer, softer way.
25:02
As a result, I think I don't feel like I have to have my
25:05
armour on all the time anymore because I think that is, again,
25:08
such a part of living as a disabled person is that you're
25:11
going into every situation with armour on.
25:13
And that resilience and that determination, that's like a
25:16
muscle that we keep having to build.
25:19
And, yeah, getting to a place where I can just exist in these
25:22
relationships with other disabled people, disabled women
25:25
particularly, it's like, oh, I can, I can just be soft with
25:29
you. Like, I don't have to go in
25:31
worried about this conversation going sideways or about getting
25:35
a question that I don't want to answer.
25:36
It's it's transformative. It's getting me now to a place
25:39
where I want to really sort of invest in what I'm doing in
25:43
seated perspectives and make that sort of my sole focus area.
25:47
So OK, how do I do that sustainably for myself?
25:50
And I think part of it is finding ways to work with other
25:54
disabled women and help them take control of their friends,
25:57
income generation, whatever that might look like.
25:59
That's sort of the shift that's happening for me now.
26:02
And I had a conversation yesterday with someone who's
26:05
interested in potentially becoming a client, like teen
26:08
support with their social media and also disabled has been
26:12
disabled for nine years. And we were just talking about
26:15
what she's doing. And like Speaking of glimmers
26:17
like that was another glimmer of like, oh, this is what I meant
26:20
to be doing. This is where I need to be.
26:22
I need to be talking with other disabled women, like helping
26:24
them find their voice, helping them clarify like what their
26:28
messaging is going to be, putting my skills into helping
26:31
them that that's where I need to be because it like give me so
26:35
much joy. That's amazing.
26:37
Oh, there's nothing like that feeling when you're just in your
26:41
element and you're like, this is what I was made for.
26:43
Yeah, I'll keep saying transformative, but it is
26:45
transformative. Like the last two years I think
26:47
have helped me get to so far the best version of myself.
26:52
And I don't think five years ago, I ever would have thought
26:55
the best version of myself included really embracing my
26:57
disability and focusing on my disability as much as I do.
27:01
But yeah, but it is. And it's like the walls that
27:04
were around me, the things that were sort of keeping myself away
27:07
from parts of myself, I've like, vanished.
27:09
That's so good. And yeah, maybe at times in your
27:12
life you were wondering why, Why me?
27:15
Why am I the disabled person? Like, what good is that going to
27:19
bring to my life? But this is it, you know, and
27:21
working with disabled women now you know exactly how they feel
27:26
like you. They don't need to put their
27:28
barrier. They guard up.
27:30
You don't need to do that either.
27:31
You can both just connect in such a deep way because you've
27:34
both gone through very similar experiences.
27:36
I can imagine the. Experiences might be very
27:38
different too, but there's a path to acceptance.
27:41
There's a path to holding both the challenging bits and the joy
27:45
that can also exist. Like that's where we can get to.
27:49
Amazing. I can't wait to see seated
27:51
perspectives grow and grow and I hope that the the clients come
27:55
streaming into you. I.
27:57
Hope so that's the like biggest fear at the moment, just like,
28:00
Oh my God, are people actually interested in this?
28:02
But I've been having conversations with people who
28:04
are reaching out and be like, Oh, I could possibly use help
28:06
with this and like, okay, I hope you're interested in how I'm
28:08
packaging this and like putting it out into the world shortly.
28:11
But yes. Wow, So what kind of things do
28:13
you offer then The. Initial offering is going to be
28:16
a sort of coaching programme. SO31 on one calls with me
28:20
starting with like, OK, introduction.
28:22
What is it that you're trying to build?
28:24
Branding fundamentals? I think I take for granted that
28:27
I understand what branding is, but not a lot of people do.
28:30
Or they just think of it as like the visual components of like
28:33
colours and fonts. And like, yes, that's a part of
28:35
it. But branding as a whole, brand
28:38
positioning is much broader than that.
28:40
And yeah. And then from there, the other
28:42
two calls are more focused specifically on whatever
28:45
challenges that they're dealing with and like helping them build
28:47
a road map and yeah, giving them the steps to ultimately get to a
28:51
place where they're either attracting investment from their
28:54
audience or if they want to sell something through to their
28:57
audience, then people are actually interested in buying.
28:59
Or if they're looking for brand partnerships, then that's like
29:02
positioning themselves well to do that as well, it sounds.
29:05
Like a bit me to be honest. So we might have to stay in
29:07
touch about that. Yeah absolutely get in my DM.
29:11
But if? You guys listening at Interested
29:13
as well? Or even just interested in
29:15
keeping up with Ali's journey? Where can we find you?
29:19
I'm pretty much entirely on seated perspectives.
29:22
So seated dot perspectives on Instagram.
29:25
I'm starting to do a little more on LinkedIn, but not really
29:28
though. No, mostly entirely on
29:30
Instagram. I do have a newsletter as well,
29:32
the seated take. If you go to my Instagram, you
29:35
can find the join link there and that's a weekly newsletter that
29:38
goes was out on Saturday mornings, Vancouver time, so
29:42
Saturday afternoons if you're in the UK.
29:44
And it does sort of deep dives into some of the topics that
29:48
I've covered on Instagram, but just in more depth with more
29:51
research, with more perspective and with tips a lot of the time
29:55
for non disabled allies who want to do more.
29:57
And yeah, just an overview of what I'm doing on seated
30:00
perspectives as well. Ali, thank you so much for
30:02
sharing your story and for being so open today.
30:05
I have one last question. And so obviously you've, you've
30:09
gone through a lot and you've finally learned to embrace your
30:12
disability to its full potential, I guess.
30:15
And I'm, I'm still on that road. I, I've got to be honest.
30:18
But obviously I'm sure 14 year old, you would not believe you
30:23
if she heard what you were doing now.
30:25
So is there a piece of advice you would give to your younger
30:29
self? Maybe when you first had the
30:31
accident or when you were struggling with being a disabled
30:34
woman. My piece of advice to her to
30:36
1415 is really find your community.
30:40
I think that version of me was so averse to speaking to anyone
30:46
else or acknowledging anyone else who was a wheelchair user
30:49
or even disabled it anyway. A huge part of that was
30:53
internalised stabilism and what I thought it meant to be
30:56
disabled. And I think I spent a lot of
30:58
time being like, I'm going to be the exception and I'm going to
31:01
do this just despite my disability and all the rest of
31:03
it. And that's really dangerous
31:05
thinking at the end of the day. Like obviously it got me to
31:08
where I am now to some extent, but it's, it's quite dangerous
31:11
thinking. And I think I would have been
31:15
much happier in the early stages of my disability if I had found
31:19
community, social media wasn't what it is now.
31:22
So I don't know if it would have been as easy as it is now to
31:25
find that. But my advice to anyone who's
31:27
newly disabled now is find that community because it's there.
31:31
It's all over Instagram. It's it's beautiful to watch
31:34
what other disabled people, disabled women are doing.
31:38
It doesn't matter the scale. I think like just being able to
31:40
see people who are doing things for themselves or just living
31:43
and existing. Enjoy or people who are really
31:46
like making a difference and speaking at the highest level
31:50
with people at the highest level and like really advocating for
31:52
us. Like just seeing that on the
31:54
example is it's huge and I really wish that I had had that
31:58
when I was young me. Too Honestly when I first heard
32:02
of my disability diagnosis I wasn't really affected as much
32:05
then, but growing up and struggling more and more when no
32:08
one else around me was, I really wish I had that community to
32:12
just just let me know that it's OK.
32:14
Like you're not the only And as soon as I opened up to the
32:18
disabled community on Instagram, I realised there's so many
32:22
people. There's like a huge community
32:24
and it's amazing. What's?
32:25
Interesting to me is like there is clearly a gap unless you know
32:30
someone in your life who's disabled and who is a creator or
32:33
some who has a presence on Instagram and is sharing what
32:35
other people are doing. I don't know how non disabled
32:38
people who become disabled find that unless you start searching.
32:41
And I I know from experience how difficult it is to get to that
32:44
place to even start looking. I think that's what I want to
32:47
try and figure out. There should be a resource of
32:49
like these the Instagram accounts you should be following
32:51
to like see what it's like in a very non cringy non inspiration
32:55
porn non like weird way. It's just more like this is what
32:59
life looks like, there's. Always work to be done.
33:01
And I hope as well it's it reaches outside of just disabled
33:05
people and that allies do more work to advocate for us as well
33:09
because, yeah, it's tough doing all the work ourselves.
33:13
For sure, for sure. I mean, and some of us will take
33:15
on the mantle and like, I mean, that's that's something that I
33:18
sort of grappled with. Like I think before I might have
33:20
said, you know what, you can research it, you can figure it
33:22
out to any sort of non disabled person asking a question.
33:25
And I'm like, I don't know, I'm actually taking on that educator
33:28
role. So like, OK, I'll answer the
33:30
question and then I'll point to other resources and be like,
33:33
this person actually does it really well.
33:35
Or like you can look up this. We can be inviting, we can have
33:38
those conversations. We can help guide non disabled
33:41
people to some extent. But there also has to be
33:43
accountability on the other side of them, like doing their own
33:46
work, doing their own research. So it's, yeah, it's a very
33:49
interesting balancing act, I think.
33:51
Well, again, thank you so much for joining today.
33:53
It's been great to get to know you and hopefully we'll keep in
33:56
touch. And if you guys listening
33:58
enjoyed this episode, don't forget to follow and balance and
34:01
to give it a five star review because that really, really
34:04
helps me out. And don't forget to press the
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bell button next to the follow button so you're notified every
34:09
time a new episode comes out. I'll see you again in another
34:13
couple weeks, but until then, bye.