Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / The Seven and Satisfaction | Subtypes, Relationships & Learning to Want What You Already Have with Christa Hardin

Transcript

The Seven and Satisfaction | Subtypes, Relationships & Learning to Want What You Already Have with Christa Hardin · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

0:09
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast, the Enneagram for Real Life.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: Here is where you'll find conversations where faith meets story and strategy for lasting transformation.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, here to help you find wisdom and wholehearted rhythms for moments that matter most.
0:33
SPEAKER_00: Whether you're learning your type or deepening your spiritual formation, these conversations will remind you that the Enneagram shines a light, but Christ is the transformation.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: Well, Krista, I have had a beautiful time this year doing something that I was a little nervous to do, which was spend a whole month on each Enneagram type.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: And now, only a few months in, I'm thinking, why didn't I not do this before?
1:05
SPEAKER_00: Like this is so much fun.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: So this month we've been diving deep in the seven, and we've talked about spiritual formation and we've talked about the whole hearted journey as a seven, the coaching process for a seven, story work, wholehearted story work.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: So we've gone deep on a lot of different things.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: And today I'm excited to highlight Enneagram Sevens and relationships, but also from your expertise on the instincts.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: There are so many things that you can share personally as a seven and in your expertise and field.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: So, Krista, thank you for joining me.
1:43
SPEAKER_00: You've got Disney to go to today.
1:45
SPEAKER_00: So we're not going to cover all the things that normally we would maybe.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: So thank you for putting this in your busy schedule and having a little fun with me before you go off to the parks.
1:56
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, you're so sweet.
1:58
SPEAKER_01: I have teens who invited Wes and I along.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: We feel very grateful.
2:03
SPEAKER_01: And we have a lot of um living in Florida, some seasonal, like it's really inexpensive to go for our family.
2:10
SPEAKER_01: So we're very thankful.
2:12
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, it'll be hot.
2:14
SPEAKER_01: So Wes and I are, he goes, it's gonna be like a hundred today, but still, it's Disney.
2:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm a seven.
2:20
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna have fun.
2:20
SPEAKER_01: So thank you.
2:21
SPEAKER_01: And we're gonna have fun right here too.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: I love hanging with you and talking with you, friend.
2:25
SPEAKER_01: Already had fun before we even got on talking.
2:28
SPEAKER_01: I know, I know.
2:29
SPEAKER_00: We had to cut, I had to cut us off so that way she doesn't miss her park date because this is important to five.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: You're so sweet.
2:37
SPEAKER_00: Well, we've talked about some of the core struggles, fears, desires, integration lines for a seven, but give us a specific snapshot of a seven in a relationship.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: What's the core gift?
2:49
SPEAKER_00: Because we want to talk, we want to celebrate, but also what could be a challenge with a seven in relationship?
2:56
SPEAKER_01: Well, I really love that you always want to celebrate like me, but a challenge for us in a relationship is that we can get very squirrely and be ready to chase the next shiny object with our partners.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: Um, maybe even just saying, hey, I was just catching up with you on what you were talking about before.
3:15
SPEAKER_01: You wanted to maybe take us to Disney.
3:17
SPEAKER_01: But while we're at Disney, you're planning the next thing.
3:20
SPEAKER_01: So we have a planning fixation.
3:22
SPEAKER_01: Some of us, as we were talking before we got on, are great listeners.
3:26
SPEAKER_01: Some sevens aren't because they're squirreling off.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: But in general, sevens are so movement-based and so future forward-based that the bigger issue is the planning fixation and how that shows up.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: So, like I said, it could show up in a conversation, but it could just show up in that action-oriented behavior.
3:43
SPEAKER_01: But once you get us an action, we're much better able to do whatever it is our partner wants.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: So if they say, you know, I want to work on something hard with you, we can say, okay, let me do that, but let me try to do that in motion with you.
3:56
SPEAKER_01: Are you like that too as a seven?
3:58
SPEAKER_01: That if you're having a walk and talk, it's a little easier.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: It's so much easier.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: And I even find that with my friends, where when someone is willing to join with me in my walks or some other physical activity where we can connect and share deep things.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: And I love going deep, but also do it while we're moving forward in something.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: It is like the best thing for me.
4:22
SPEAKER_00: And not every friendship appreciates that.
4:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: But it's a huge gift for me.
4:29
SPEAKER_00: And of course, my Enneagram Nine husband, he really reaches for some of that upstream practice to pair the movement with my desire for connection too.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: So, but I feel love when he's like, How about I go on a walk with you?
4:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, Yes, that would be cool.
4:46
SPEAKER_01: And that's so good for nines.
4:48
SPEAKER_01: That's so perfect for him.
4:49
SPEAKER_01: And he's an arborist, so he's outdoors, and thankfully, probably for a nine is quite active.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: Very active.
4:55
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, sometimes he's like, I do not want to be outdoors anymore.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that makes sense.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
5:02
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so there are three subtypes for every type.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: We are not going to address all of them today.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: And a quick little shout out, if I'm allowed, you have a book coming out in February that I've already gotten to preview and endorse.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: February feels so far, but you're going to go deep on the subtypes and the instincts, but give us the glimpse of the Enneagram sevens subtypes and how they show up differently in marriage.
5:30
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
5:31
SPEAKER_01: Well, and I do think sevens are one of those types where those subtypes really are quite different that make us almost pair and look like other Enneagram types, even.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: So I love this question because yes, we'll take that planning fixation overlay that we talked about already into these two differently, because if somebody's a self-pres Seven, they're thinking about resourcing and time being a big one.
5:58
SPEAKER_01: In fact, I was on my podcast talking to a couple of fellow sevens, and time hoarding is a word we came to with the self-prez seven.
6:06
SPEAKER_01: Just our sense of like everything is time based.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, you and I were talking about the preciousness of this hour, and you might have some self-pres seven in you too.
6:16
SPEAKER_01: I know that's not your all the time, but like it's like we feel that with every fiber of our being.
6:22
SPEAKER_01: And so we bring that into relationships by trying to lock in the plans with our partner.
6:28
SPEAKER_01: And they may feel, are you a seven or are you a five?
6:31
SPEAKER_01: Like this feels like a little excessive, or are you a six?
6:34
SPEAKER_01: Because I feel like you're planning and controlling for extraneous variables, and there's just a little bit more, perhaps I want to be responsible with I'm future thinking, but it's all about taking care of my family.
6:46
SPEAKER_01: And I had a guy say it yesterday, he goes, I'm not just self-preservation, I'm family preservation.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: And that's what that seven does.
6:53
SPEAKER_01: Now, if you're all about yourself and your family, that can be selfish.
6:57
SPEAKER_01: So one thing that's my lead instinct, I have to do is I have to force myself sometimes, where I'll do it like this my family and myself, and then I'll go, my friends, my extended family, my clients, and I'll be like my Enneagram and marriage audience.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: And then after that, it's almost like this sounds horrible.
7:15
SPEAKER_01: Like you're dead to me.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: Like you know, like my church would be in there, like a few other places.
7:21
SPEAKER_01: It's like you don't um want to care, but because you have no other availability, it's how you feel so stretched in, like a hobbit would say, like bread over too much butter or butter over too much bread.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I love it.
7:33
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
7:34
SPEAKER_00: I think that's so insightful because, like you said, where there might be that questioning or the familiarity to the five.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: And um, and for me, my self-prise came up when I had kids and I felt like I lost myself.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: And it was totally this weird thing where what I was prioritizing felt like it was important to me, but it also was like, but I lost who I was in the process.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: So I love how you describe that.
8:03
SPEAKER_00: It is it is so true.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: I would say, yes, that's exactly what it looks like and feels like.
8:08
SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
8:09
SPEAKER_01: And you know from first hand that every seven needs a little bit of that.
8:14
SPEAKER_01: Now, the sexual seven is somebody who has a deep imagination.
8:18
SPEAKER_01: And this seven has some traits of a four because they go deep and some eight traits.
8:25
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm willing to be passionate with you and go to the depth.
8:28
SPEAKER_01: Somebody was just talking about their seven, and they don't know subtypes like we do, but they were really explaining that beautifully to say one of my favorite parts of my marriage is how my it was a four.
8:39
SPEAKER_01: Me and my seven, we go so deep on everything philosophically, spiritually.
8:45
SPEAKER_01: I know you do that, right?
8:46
SPEAKER_01: You love to deep.
8:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh, so fun.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: So that seven is dreaming and imagining and also very intelligent, wanting to go to the depths of all of the passionate topics.
8:59
SPEAKER_01: So I just love this part of a seven.
9:01
SPEAKER_01: And of course, we all know, just like I said, a cautionary tale for the self-pres.
9:06
SPEAKER_01: This cautionary tale could be just watching where the sexual chemistry is coming toward others, like, hey, if it's appropriate or not.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: You know, that's something all of the seven have to watch ourselves for.
9:17
SPEAKER_01: So it's like, oh, okay, is this the right place to be sharing at this depth?
9:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm self-pres sexual, they're almost exact.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: And recently I just found out there was a narcissist in our friend group, this guy, and he was one of the few guys I felt really safe to talk to.
9:30
SPEAKER_01: And my husband felt very safe for me to talk to.
9:32
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, he was one of my dearest friends.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: And they're like, oh no, he's abusive.
9:38
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oh my gosh, like I didn't, my sexual seven didn't pick up on that.
9:43
SPEAKER_01: Because I was like, he's so attuned and he's so fascinated with conversation with us and very respectful.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: And so I'd always seen him with Wes, but just saying that's something if you have a sexual seven, you have to watch for that.
9:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's oh, that's really fascinating.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: And you had mentioned the phrase fawning before, and I think that probably plays into it where maybe the three has woo in a unique way where the seven would fawn in that, and even the deeper connection.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: What I appreciate because I'm social, sexual, self-preze in that order.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: I have my Enneagram four and eight friends, my besties in that, in those personality types.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: I love, like I can go deep sitting still, and because of their desire to explore deep things, and they're also wonderers.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: And so that's helpful when they have the good questions.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: But there is such fun chemistry there, not sexual in its you know, base meaning, but that being able to explore those deep things and wonder and the curiosity and intellectualize things beyond.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, that's really just so insightful, even for me.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: Gosh, I feel like I've read all this stuff.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: But once again, Chris does bring in the expertise.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: You're supposed to eat girl.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: You too.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: I love that you named, I love that you just said sexual.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: Yes, Russ Hutchins challenged us as we know to be like, this is actual sexual, but to be honest, he also named it as a creating force.
11:19
SPEAKER_01: So that's what we're both just agreeing.
11:21
SPEAKER_01: Like when you're creating new things with other people, just that's because we're talking about relationships, be careful about where you do that, you know?
11:28
SPEAKER_00: It's so important.
11:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
11:30
SPEAKER_00: Well, not only burned, but like you said, just from um, I know you're an eyes world view of the sanctity of marriage and honoring that covenant and making sure that those deep connections with the opposite sex are metered and are guarded.
11:48
SPEAKER_00: And if that's your tendency, it's not to shame the tendency, but to know that it has to be that force, literal force, has to be directed in a healthy way.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: But it also can give you the insight of this is why it might be a struggle at some times, especially if you're married to someone who's opposite in those instincts, and you're maybe not drawing exactly what you've hoped to draw from or what is valuable to you.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's not to shame that, but to understand how that might play out.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: We just went deep, girl.
12:19
SPEAKER_01: Girl, we did.
12:20
SPEAKER_01: And I know your audience is right there with us because you're a deep diver.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: So they are too.
12:25
SPEAKER_01: Um, so looking at the seven, who is more social, we know that this seven has some two traits, even identifies positively with their one do gooding.
12:36
SPEAKER_01: So it's not just the two.
12:38
SPEAKER_01: It's yes, they're nurturing and they're lovable, but they're also really caring about what is right and what is good.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: And there's some body type energy to that.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: Like that's why they're connecting well to their one.
12:51
SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's nice to see that because this seven gives all of us, frankly, a better name.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: So thank you, Amy, for being a social seven.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: You bring us up in the world.
13:01
SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, just happen.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: I married up, like that's our social seven.
13:07
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, like sometimes people will even say to me, like, oh, you're a seven, but are you a social seven?
13:13
SPEAKER_01: Sadly not.
13:16
SPEAKER_01: That's hilarious.
13:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that social seven did encompass me for a long time.
13:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, but it wasn't really me at the core, so it did burn me out more.
13:25
SPEAKER_01: And so a social seven will get more energy from social time.
13:28
SPEAKER_01: Whereas if that's not, you're gonna go, okay, I'm burning out more if I'm overly social.
13:34
SPEAKER_01: Um, whereas for somebody who is social, it's like it can, it doesn't necessarily feel like burnout, even when there's a lot of social time.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: It may be imbalanced, but not because it feels like burnout, it just might be imbalanced.
13:45
SPEAKER_01: So it's a good thing to watch for is like how much is on my plate.
13:48
SPEAKER_01: I may have a blind spot for noticing if it's too much, because it may just feel so good and healthy to me.
13:54
SPEAKER_01: So checking in with your spouse, your family, how are you doing with this?
13:58
SPEAKER_01: And also yourself, is it realistically giving me enough time so that I can have the deep conversations I want to, so that I can do new creative fun things, which we know gives a relationship a boost, so that I can take care of my resourcing.
14:10
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, that's a good thing for a social to ask.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: And marrying a nine who's more introverted than me, it really over the last 22 years, that is something that has very much shifted.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: And I have prioritized family time and chosen to meter some of the extra activities, whether I'd be one of those kids who was inclined or young adults who was inclined every time the church doors are open or had a thing.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: I would be there not because of a demand or even a do-gooder standpoint, just because I loved the connection and it was fun to do something meaningful with other people and kind of all of those elements that I've seen shifted in a way that was healthier and more balanced and balanced um in that way over the years as well.
14:55
SPEAKER_00: But um it it took some effort and it takes some intention to remember that where that instinct, when that instinct comes up as like, oh wait, that's just an instinct.
15:05
SPEAKER_00: It's not it's not bad or good, but I have to like process through that.
15:09
SPEAKER_00: Is that actually the right thing that I need to be doing in this season and in this time of life?
15:14
SPEAKER_00: So anyway, that's a little bit of I love hearing that.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: Just always growing, always growing.
15:21
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
15:22
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: Well, that makes me happy that you already we can tell you're doing your work there.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: Well, yes, uh daily, right?
15:31
SPEAKER_00: It's a daily thing.
15:32
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for doing that.
15:34
SPEAKER_01: It's not like a check in with this once a month.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: It's a daily thing with your instincts.
15:38
SPEAKER_00: It is, it is, absolutely, and it's a lifelong journey and so many different things.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: I know we you and I have talked about that before.
15:44
SPEAKER_00: That life circumstances might shift how our instincts are presenting and how we're processing things.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: And so this is where being aware and awake, paying attention, what is actually happening here beneath the surface, not just what we're doing, but why is what we're doing being impacted or the motivations behind it.
16:05
SPEAKER_00: Um okay, Krista, there's so many things again that you and I could talk about, but something that I I think you and I haven't necessarily gotten to talk about as openly about on my podcast, but that is some of your faith journey.
16:20
SPEAKER_00: And I know you share and help so many people across the board.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: And so sometimes you're not always presenting faith first, which is totally great.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: But you and I behind the scenes share a deep love for the Lord and faith and encouragement and our coffee times are covered in prayer and encouragement in every facet of life.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: So could you just share a little bit about how faith has intersected your journey when it comes to your own wiring and how that has presented in marriage and growth there?
16:52
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
16:53
SPEAKER_01: Well, I think that faith has come to me as somewhat of a surprise.
16:57
SPEAKER_01: I was raised with it, but then I had more of an existential crisis as a self-prez seven in my teen years.
17:03
SPEAKER_01: And after some heartbreak and some disappointment socially, um, again, that's my lowest, you know, seeing the body of Christ reject my family just didn't play well for me socially with the Lord.
17:15
SPEAKER_01: And so um, when I finally found some good social settings, I started to come back to my faith.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: Now, interestingly, it was because I was riding the coattails of my social husband who rode me in with front row seats almost as though he was a social seven, but he was a social type one.
17:33
SPEAKER_01: So churches love social ones if they're Christians.
17:36
SPEAKER_01: Yes, they do.
17:37
SPEAKER_01: It's like the poster boy.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: They're like, oh, you're with him.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, wait a second, like I've earned my way up really like rattily when I was through my high school.
17:48
SPEAKER_01: Like I fought tooth and nail to get to the top of that chain.
17:51
SPEAKER_01: And then it was weird, like being on Wes's arm just gave me such a social inroads.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: And I hope I would have, because it was a really dear church that they would have either way, but there was certainly an excellent like foray into the community being with Wes.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: So something that's been part of my faith development is just honoring how important these instincts are, because if you don't feel welcomed into the body of Christ by a genuine community, you won't get the fullness of your faith.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: And so um, yeah, I feel like that was a growth piece for me.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: And now that I'm in that space of the church, I really work hard to welcome people when they join our marriage group.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you're in this group, whether you show up every time or not.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: Like, don't feel like you have to be towing the line all the time.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: So um, in terms of just church experience, that's where I come from.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: And then really, I think I I had enough evidence for the faith.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: That's my husband's specialty.
18:47
SPEAKER_01: He's an apologist, he's excellent at it, and he can give you all the statistics on why belief in God has even more of a scientific root than not belief.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: But everyone gets to make their choice.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: But it had to be the social instinct was brought for me.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: So how I now use that in my work is while my podcast is on the Christianity Today network, that's very intentional.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: I lost a lot of listeners by putting it on that network, but I felt this is such a part of me.
19:14
unknown: Yeah.
19:15
SPEAKER_01: Not because they're a great network, but just the people who weren't Christians, a lot of them are probably like, I don't want to listen to this podcast anymore because she's attaching herself to this.
19:24
SPEAKER_01: But for me, like you said, just because I'm interested in the research, it's not top of mind to say every time.
19:30
SPEAKER_01: Plus, I know not everyone's a Christian listening, hey, it's about God.
19:34
SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, I try to say that enough on my podcast that people know.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: And also, like I said, be in this network or do my books through Christian publishers, because at the end of the day, I do want people to know marriage is my gift, but my passion is following after God's plan for my life.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: My creator's vision for my life is more important to me than marriage.
19:55
SPEAKER_01: Um, so even though I'm very excited to share tips with that, it's like I take a daily time with God to look at my day, to look at what are my gifts to share, how can I rest well?
20:05
SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm gonna go through all those self-prezed things, but like at the end of the day, I'm gonna be sharing socially, I'm gonna be monitoring morally how am I doing on that sexual level.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be looking at my resourcing, how can I make it go forward for good things?
20:20
SPEAKER_01: And when you don't have a moral compass, your Enneagram or whatever you're doing just becomes meaningless.
20:26
SPEAKER_01: So to me, that is the root basis of everything I bring out to the world, even if I don't always talk about it.
20:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love that, Krista.
20:36
SPEAKER_00: I don't think I knew that story about Wes bringing you to a fold that felt safe and becoming part of that flock, if you will, to use that terminology.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: That um, that's so sweet.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: What a neat piece of that story that I hadn't heard before.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: So we'll just keep amazing what the Lord uses to woo us back and to invite us into safe places, maybe when we haven't um been a part of safe communities before.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: So they're there.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: Yes, they're there.
21:05
SPEAKER_01: Keep trying.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
21:08
SPEAKER_00: We can both say we understand the negative ones, we've experienced it, but we can also speak to the hope that it's not all like that.
21:15
SPEAKER_00: So thanks for sharing.
21:18
SPEAKER_00: It's so good.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so tell me a little bit specifically around the seventh core longing is for satisfaction, for fullness, aliveness.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: What does it look like when it's being met in a healthy relationship versus when it's driving the relationship off course?
21:39
SPEAKER_00: And probably you and I have some personal stories where we've seen that play out.
21:44
SPEAKER_00: Um, so can you give us some examples and so we can be aware?
21:48
SPEAKER_00: And and how do we find the Lord in that longing or just to satisfy and meet that so we don't drive it off course?
21:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that we're not feelings types, but sevens are very Passionate, so we can come across as feelers sometimes, and we obviously have feelings, but I guess I say that because we can let our feelings or our excitement or planning for fun um take us to places with our relationships where we don't feel satisfied because maybe we have to take a trip to the dentist that day and we can't find much fun about that.
22:23
SPEAKER_01: We just have to sit down and pair bills, and it's not much fun to do that.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: Or we have to have a serious question with our spouse about in-laws, and that's not fun.
22:31
SPEAKER_01: And so I think that when we have those, because we fall into the idealist triad along with ones and fours, we can tend to really wonder about whether this is right.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: You know, we can ask ourselves, should I be spending time on these things?
22:47
SPEAKER_01: But the truth is there are good shoulds that just aren't fun, and everything can't be rewired into fun all the time.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: So allowing for some of our satisfaction, we will try still to bring the fun, don't get us wrong.
23:03
SPEAKER_01: But we'll be like, okay, I have to do my taxes.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna listen to music, you know, we'll have fun, but like it is going to be still PTSD from that.
23:12
SPEAKER_01: Yep, I'm with you.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, but definitely just the space of knowing, okay, I am met with satisfaction from the Lord, like we were saying.
23:21
SPEAKER_01: If you're a Christian listener, which I know many are here and some maybe seekers, but just knowing that at the end of the day, God will use many people to provide for you.
23:30
SPEAKER_01: I have been very humbled thinking Wes would do it all.
23:33
SPEAKER_01: Uh, not none of this bad stuff would have to be addressed, or if it was, we would do it with cheer instead of he gets grumpy.
23:39
SPEAKER_01: He's a type one sometimes.
23:41
SPEAKER_01: I get grumpy, I have a one arrow.
23:43
SPEAKER_01: Like, we're gonna find our satisfaction sometimes, even through just going away into private corners with the Lord.
23:48
SPEAKER_01: For me, that would be my five space.
23:50
SPEAKER_01: And for you, sevens go to five.
23:53
SPEAKER_01: That's a very important spot for us because fives are willing to push through walls instead of like, oh, it's too hard.
23:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm not doing it.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: I want to be just satisfied in the moment.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: Fives are able to really push for long-term goals.
24:06
SPEAKER_01: So I think that five is a big piece of that.
24:09
SPEAKER_01: And then still knowing here's the time we're gonna go have fun.
24:12
SPEAKER_01: Like after the hard work week, we're gonna go have a few hours of Disney or the national park, or we're going to go to the movies.
24:19
SPEAKER_01: But like we don't say I have to do that every day.
24:22
SPEAKER_01: I don't always have to be engaged in these gorgeous experiences, even like sexually.
24:27
SPEAKER_01: Like, we may go, oh, I need to in my marriage, like have a perfect experience there, or what's next?
24:34
SPEAKER_01: Just very crassly.
24:36
SPEAKER_01: And so I think that us just going back lastly and appreciating like what was can take us even farther.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: Like, oh, let me reflect on what was.
24:45
SPEAKER_01: That may be scary feeling, but it's better than pushing my spouse and my family toward yet one more thing without just appreciating what I've already had instead of looking for more.
24:55
SPEAKER_00: Is that how you are too?
24:57
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, absolutely.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: And I, my the second episode of this series, I shared a little bit more of my story.
25:04
SPEAKER_00: Deanna interviewed me.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: And I, what you talk about going to that five space, that was critical in a time of deep grief and loss where I spent the hours alone in solitude and retreat with the Lord.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: And he met me in that.
25:21
SPEAKER_00: And while on the service, 20-year-old Amy thinking about what I would be doing, what rhythm I'd be doing in my 40s, it would have been like, oh my gosh, that's boring.
25:32
SPEAKER_00: That's awful.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: How could you do that?
25:34
SPEAKER_00: It sounds like torture.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: And yet it was the Lord did some deep work, beautiful work, but it was in that stepping away.
25:43
SPEAKER_00: And, you know, on that flip side of, like you said, um, the practice of remembering, I have a gratitude journal that I've kept that rhythm for many years now, but it's I the next morning or the morning, I reflect on the day before.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: And that even just one day back has been really powerful to shift instead of looking for the next thing, but to remembering what was good and what was, you know, right and beautiful and enjoyable.
26:16
SPEAKER_00: And the practice is not to try to recreate it or keep looking for it, but just go that that was amazing and that was incredible as it was.
26:26
SPEAKER_00: And I've gotten to do that.
26:28
SPEAKER_00: So it but it takes a little bit of discipline, which we're not always inclined to do or known for, but it is possible for us.
26:35
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, it is, it's just not our most fun thing.
26:39
SPEAKER_00: No, it isn't for sure.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Okay, as we wrap up here, because the dole whip and the star tours is calling your name and all of that.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, and hopefully ways to find shade.
26:58
SPEAKER_00: What is I have electrolytes right here in my purse because I'm in self-pressed.
27:03
SPEAKER_00: That's all right.
27:04
SPEAKER_00: You're ready for this.
27:05
SPEAKER_00: You got it.
27:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, but what wouldn't what do you wish people who loved a seven knew about them that maybe you think some might miss or not, or maybe even misunderstand in some ways?
27:16
SPEAKER_00: Hmm, I love this question, as you know.
27:19
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I do.
27:21
SPEAKER_01: Well, um, I just think that there's such a variety, just like we have a variety with even just your husband's an arborist, even a leaf.
27:31
SPEAKER_01: It's like there's chlorophyll, there's a cuticle, there's a million other parts too.
27:36
SPEAKER_01: It's crazy how fascinating each little piece of nature is.
27:39
SPEAKER_01: So much more are we complex.
27:42
SPEAKER_01: So when we make an overstatement about what a type is like with really critiquing ways, it just can deflate sevens.
27:53
SPEAKER_01: We have a very large inner critic, and we were just talking about something where I had read something about just sevens just being one way, and it was just so untrue of my experience and everything I've worked so hard to be.
28:05
SPEAKER_01: And it felt like, wow, you missed this.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: You probably had a really bad experience with a seven.
28:12
SPEAKER_01: And so I would just let people continue to engage respect when they talk about all the types and allow for nuance and allow for um spiritual gifts of the spirit to grow so that you don't just name that, oh, all sevens are this, you know, and because it could be any type, but we're talking about sevens.
28:34
SPEAKER_01: So just allow for, you know, if you really want to get to the core of a seven, like we all have a planning fixation, we all struggle with gluttony, but there's going to be gifts too, like joy, and there's going to be encouragement, but we're all gonna have different things besides that.
28:54
SPEAKER_01: So look at the depths and then look at each person uniquely.
28:58
SPEAKER_01: And then even if we're not knowing what their inside experience is, like Atticus Finch says in the great to kill a mockingbird, walk around in another person's shoes, do a little bit of deep diving.
29:10
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, I don't care for that person.
29:11
SPEAKER_01: They're not my person.
29:12
SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
29:13
SPEAKER_01: But maybe they haven't had the best life experience either.
29:16
SPEAKER_01: That way you're not holding out resentment toward them for being unlike yourself.
29:20
SPEAKER_01: Um, so I know everyone here knows that, but I just love that because it's so important.
29:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, I mean, it's and you and I have talked about this, but that's why I wrote or gave a narrative, a fictional narrative about each type, with the hopes of inviting people to walk in someone else's shoes, even just, you know, a few pages or several thousand words to to understand maybe the fullness.
29:47
SPEAKER_00: And it even then, a few thousand words can't capture everything, but to invite people to the nuance that we all live and that we are layered and storied and have different circumstances and experiences that contribute to why people might experience us in the way that they are, and it's not all just because, well, sevens are so whatever.
30:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, fill in the blanket one like that.
30:10
SPEAKER_01: Right.
30:10
SPEAKER_01: That's how that one was.
30:12
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
30:13
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
30:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yes, yes.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: Well, Krista, thank you so much for putting in this time with us today.
30:22
SPEAKER_00: This was just so beautiful.
30:24
SPEAKER_00: This is really, really great.
30:25
SPEAKER_00: And can you share your book title that we can be looking for in February?
30:31
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, you are so sweet.
30:34
SPEAKER_01: And I am so excited.
30:37
SPEAKER_01: And it's the three desires reshaping your connection, intimacy, and teamwork in your marriage.
30:44
SPEAKER_01: So, really excited to bring couples to a place of just balance.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: That's really the goal.
30:51
SPEAKER_01: And then yourself too, if your couple is not on the journey with you.
30:54
SPEAKER_01: We all have people where they're like, my couple and my partner is not.
30:58
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah.
30:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but it it's life exactly.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: It is absolutely still life-changing when you do the work and when you take that time to investigate and be curious about yourself and maybe make some adjustments in the process.
31:14
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's really attractive to your partner.
31:17
SPEAKER_00: And their story is going to be different almost always.
31:21
SPEAKER_00: How just even how you shared about in your faith journey.
31:24
SPEAKER_00: But it was thanks to your partner who invited you to that process and um was probably kind and caring in that invitation that helped you discover and find your own way in that in your faith.
31:36
SPEAKER_00: So it's beautiful.
31:37
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, friend.
31:38
SPEAKER_01: Yes, you even got my church to like me better.
31:42
SPEAKER_01: And I got my creams at school to like him better.
31:45
SPEAKER_01: So it all worked out.
31:46
SPEAKER_01: Oh, there you go.
31:47
SPEAKER_01: It did work out.
31:48
SPEAKER_00: Well, if my friend who's listening today hasn't gotten to hear your podcast before, it's Enneagram and Marriage on all the places Instagram, social media, uh, website, and podcasts.
32:01
SPEAKER_00: So, Krista, thank you so much and have a blast today.
32:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, you guys too.
32:07
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
32:08
SPEAKER_01: Keep bringing joy to your listeners.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: We all love you so much.
32:11
SPEAKER_01: I love your podcast, and I especially have been enjoying your newsletter.
32:15
SPEAKER_01: You are so fun and warm and personal there, and it's so inspiring.
32:20
SPEAKER_01: So thank you, Amy.
32:21
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
32:28
SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much for joining me for the Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast.
32:33
SPEAKER_00: If this conversation spoke to you, please share it with a friend.
32:38
SPEAKER_00: You can also visit simply wholehearted.com to take the free Enneagram quiz and also get your personalized podcast playlist specific for your Enneagram type.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: And remember, friend, your starting point doesn't have to be your stuff point.