Latest / Cycles and Sanctity Podcast | Trust Your Body, Grow In Holiness / Episode #147 Stop Saying, ”I’m Overwhelmed”: What Catholic Women Are Actually Feeling - and How To Find Relief

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Episode #147 Stop Saying, ”I’m Overwhelmed”: What Catholic Women Are Actually Feeling - and How To Find Relief · Cycles and Sanctity Podcast | Trust Your Body, Grow In Holiness

0:02
Welcome to Cycles and Sanctity, the podcast where Catholic women learn to think clearly, feel deeply, and live confidently in the truth of who God created them to be.
0:13
I'm Mama Jane.
0:15
And I'm Mama Vicki, your Catholic womanhood coaches.
0:18
We believe womanhood is a gift to be embraced, never managed, or met with shame.
0:22
Our cycles are God's design, a tool for self-knowledge, deeper prayer, and holiness.
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We help women heal mentally, emotionally, and spiritually so they can live with clarity, peace, and confidence.
0:36
If you're ready to trust your body, understand your interior life, and walk more freely with God, you're in the right place.
let me ask you a question.
What if the reason you feel constantly overwhelmed isn't because your life is too heavy, but because no one ever taught you how to understand what is happening inside your own heart? there's really nothing wrong with you, but what if you're not failing? What if you're not too emotional? And what if you're not fragile, but you're just simply emotionally untrained? Yes.
Today we wanna give you something.
Most women were never taught.
We know this because we were never taught.
The language of our heart.
Yeah, so true.
It is so true.
And as this women, we often ignore, pack down, try to put the feelings of our heart aside.
And today we're talking about normalizing our experience.
Let's just start by saying this out loud.
Many capable, faithful, high functioning Catholic women walk around saying.
I'm overwhelmed.
Mean, raise your hand if you've done that.
Yep.
And honestly it makes sense.
You are carrying schedules, decisions, relationships, emotional weight, spiritual responsibilities and I, and often doing it while trying to appear peaceful on the outside.
Yep.
But here's what we wanna cha gently challenge you today is everything gets labeled overwhelmed and nothing is actually gets understood.
That's so good.
I'm almost tired of hearing the word overwhelmed.
Isn't that true? It's I don't, not a blanket, not, I'm not minimizing this, but trauma, it's such a big blanket.
Overwhelmed is a big feeling, but not the actual circumstance.
Yeah.
And here's the, here's.
The part where we wanna start we've got three key teaching points for you today.
Overwhelmed is really not an emotion, it's a signal, right? Yes.
And when we just simply say, I'm overwhelmed, then we really don't understand what we're feeling.
And then we really actually can't even lead ourselves.
And that's when it starts to feel chaotic.
Yes, absolutely.
Blanket yourself with overwhelm.
It's just, and it is like when you ignore your check engine light.
Your car will still drive for a while.
Yep.
But you can't ignore it forever.
Yeah.
And a lot of times, overwhelm is really just that check engine light, but then you have to literally check the engine.
You have to go under the hood.
Yes.
And that's where, a lot of times.
What happens is overwhelm is almost in my vision is like a big ball of, but man aids yes.
A lot.
Yes, it's, it is.
When like you start to think about everything you have to do, you stop trusting that God has a path for you no matter what is on your to-do list, and you start to internally panic.
And it and I'm not talking like the panic, the definition of panic where you're like running frantically around the house, but although sometimes that is how it manifests, but I think overwhelm, you're right.
It's like this big ball of of fear Knots.
Yeah.
Of knots.
Because what it is, it's a cluster of unprocessed feelings.
Of fear, of resentment, of sadness, of anger.
Uncertainty pressure.
And the problem is that your nervous system is not reacting to the word overwhelmed.
It's reacting to the emotions that are hiding underneath it.
Overwhelm is like a, like we said, like this protective blanket that's hiding all the other feelings, and your brain then just stays in confusion.
And then we know about our brain.
Good or bad, it likes to go to what it knows.
Yes.
So if you're like me and you've stayed overwhelmed for a long time in your life, overwhelm weirdly, feels comfortable.
Yes, exactly.
It's, it doesn't really feel comfortable, but it's your known Yes.
It's like the danger that we know is better than the danger that we don't know.
Yes.
I remember when I first realized this, and it honestly stopped me in my tracks.
It was definitely through Catholic coaching that I learned this did not have to be a state in life.
Yeah.
Because I wasn't overwhelmed.
I was afraid I was failing.
I felt responsible for everyone.
And if I'm being very honest I was really carrying some resentment.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
Overwhelm, like we said, overwhelms that check engine light right in your car.
And you can't just cover it up with a tape or try to just eliminate the emotion.
You've got to look under the hood.
So that's one of the first goals we want to help you with is to really start.
Understanding what is under overwhelm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And can I just say this to the divas that are listening right now, God is not afraid of what's happening inside your heart.
Amen.
I feel like for me, a lot of times, when I feel overwhelmed, I actually feel ashamed and I do the opposite and don't go to God.
I'll go to a friend that I know will sit there and just spiral out with me and we'll both just talk about our overwhelm.
Yeah.
And honestly, when that conversation's over, you don't feel any better.
And then you've probably gotten yourself behind on whatever else you were supposed to doing.
'cause you crammed this phone call into the middle of your busy schedule.
Yeah, absolutely.
And that's the other danger, right? Is when we don't go to the Lord who has created our interior life, remember our emotions are part of our interior life.
And he's gonna bring that light to us.
But when we go to someone who also doesn't know how to process their emotions Exactly.
And they don't know how to identify the emotions, they jump in the boat and it's almost like adding fuel to the fire.
And both of your fires are just going out of control.
Yes.
So that's the first point we wanna talk about is overwhelm really isn't an emotion.
When we say I feel overwhelmed, I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask you to pause, and this is the second point, is when we have vague emotional language, it keeps you powerless.
That for me, that was my, that was one of my met moments.
I would agree.
Is that for myself, yeah.
Once I was able to identify the emotion, then I have the ability to govern it.
Sure.
Because again, if you're stuck and overwhelm and you can't, you're just like, I'm overwhelmed.
It doesn't give you a pass to solution.
It stays almost like a fog.
It almost reminds me of, remember when we used to live in Germany, and I'm sure other people live near rivers that you would get to, you'd get into your car, you couldn't even see the next, yeah.
Five.
You couldn't even see your lights.
And I know, in you guys in Kansas, when it snows that bad, you just, you can't see, you're just hoping that you're going on the right road.
You're not ending up in a ditch.
Yeah.
But you could.
Very well, yeah.
So how do we lift that fog of overwhelm? That's, that, that's question.
That is what we're here to talk about today.
We are here to help give you, give tools, and honestly, divas, when we're talking to you, we're talking to ourselves.
We don't have this mastered, the reason we do this podcast is because we wanna walk with you.
Yes.
Absolutely.
We're just usually one step ahead of you.
I think many of us grew up absorbing messages like, don't be emotional, be nice.
Don't rock the boat.
Keep the peace instead of truce.
We learned vagueness.
And just kinda like the hide, hide.
You're crazy.
Yes.
It's funny you say this because just yesterday I was coaching a woman and her thought about her emotions.
She has more boys than girls in her, and she has older children, and she said, my emotions is too big for them.
Gosh.
I relate to that.
I know, right? I was like, but what a thought.
That for me as a Catholic coach, I can see that as a wound of shame.
Yeah.
Like you said, it's it's a shaming wound.
It's a shaming statement that's negating her own womanhood.
And not acknowledging that her emotions are part of who she is.
And, I wanna re recircle back to what we said a little bit earlier.
God is not afraid of our big emotions.
Yes.
No matter how gigantic they are, you could go in and just let it all out to God and say, Hey, listen I can't reel it in.
I don't know.
I'm really, I'm scared.
I'm frightened.
I, I'm too much.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he loves that.
He really loves that.
Again, if you're, if you have shame as an emotion tied to things, that's a hard one, guys.
That's why Catholic coaching is so important, because you're gonna walk with someone that can gently say, Hey, God is here.
He's listening to you, and we can break this down.
Like it doesn't mean.
This one podcast hopefully is gonna open a door, but for all of us, like I said, mama Jane and I are like constantly a work in progress.
Work in progress.
And thank God the Catholic church has confession.
Yes.
Amen.
And that's what the Saints were.
The Saints were always work in progress.
Yeah.
They're just a work in progress and we gotta do it again and again.
And so here's like the practical aspect of it is what we wanna encourage you divas is when you think, because we hear it all the time, I'm overwhelmed.
If you could pause for a moment and ask what else, what do I truly feel? Do I feel alone? Do I feel unappreciated? Do I feel fear, afraid of something? Do I feel resentful? Because now you get to be standing in the truth.
Now you've taken that blanket off and discovered.
What is that one emotion? And sometimes many times, especially when I'm first starting coaching with the client.
They can't name the, that one word motion because they've never been taught the language.
Yeah.
And sometimes I'll give them choices like that, is it fear? 'cause like I can hear it.
I can guess.
Then I ask them, just choose one.
'cause when we choose one, it gives us the power our power back.
And even if you just choose one, it may be many that gives you truth and truth is where the relief begins.
Yeah, absolutely.
And there might be a many of them underneath that, which is why the overwhelm, right? It's like B.
Those that, that ball of knots.
But just A knot, undoing one of those knots.
Gives it a little bit more release and the string can come out.
Yes.
I think of it as like a necklace.
When you have a necklace that you love and it somehow gets tangled and you're frustrated 'cause there's three knots in it, but you get one out and you're like, okay, I can wear this now.
You know that, that's a weird relief, it is like that.
And you again, like Mama Jane said, you may not have ever simply been taught emotional precision.
I wasn't.
But precision is what creates maturity.
And that is where when getting a handle on your emotions is maturity because it allows you to think and it allows you to respond instead of react.
Yeah.
And to think before you speak.
Yes.
And that kind of goes into that third point that we wanna share is naming the emotion like we just did.
Creates an immediate interior space, that's where the relief comes.
So true.
It's this is good.
It's it, I can't even describe it that space of just openness, of acknowledging yes, this is the feeling I'm feeling without any judgment, without any association.
This is the feel.
It's, oh, this is blue.
Okay, this is blue.
It really is a relief, ma, mama.
So just think about it.
Be and it's just like when you're trying to describe anything else that really made a big difference in your life, it is truly like a sve to a burn.
Like in that moment when you can realize, okay, this is that emotion and I can handle this and God can handle all of it.
Yeah.
And then again, when you're talking with a coach, number one, they're not, they're vested in you, but they don't, I like to say they don't have a dog and a hunt.
They're, they can see it.
They're just one step removed that they can walk you through.
And if, and for me, I'll speak about my experience when I learned, and it was hard for me, it still is some days when the overwhelm gets big and I forget myself and I'll call Mama Jane and we'll say whoa.
Let's go back and, what's that one emotion? Okay number one I feel unappreciated.
And then when you work on that, the calm that takes over the your body language, just, a lot of times in Catholic coaching they'll say, where are you feeling this? And I usually am like, oh, my stomach.
My stomach.
And just the beauty of walking through it.
Then you come out on the other side and feel better.
Yeah, because what happens? Go on.
Go ahead.
No, what happens neurologically is your brain, when we're in overwhelm again, it's this causing of it reminds me of a kid who's never been to Chuck E.
Cheese.
And just keeps running back to back and forth.
That's this game that gets into, and they don't, they never finish a real game because they're going from one to done and the lights are overwhelming and the noise and all of this, they don't even eat.
They're exhausted.
So true.
But when we identify the emotion and name it.
Then what happens in our brain is it becomes, it moves from reactive to reflective.
And that's where that interior space, it all of a sudden creates.
And so rather than surviving and overwhelm, then we move into reasoning and we activate our logical brain because we've, we're using our logical intellect of identifying it.
Oh.
Again, oh, this is sadness.
Oh, this is resentment.
Oh, this is anger, and just identifying the words and saying the word.
Again, that just, it's so amazing that one little activity divas, I'm telling you.
Please.
This is so profound and yet so simple.
It isn't, but it's not easy, right? No, it isn't easy.
But and I'm a type of gal that I get let's use it as I get a syllabus and I read it and I wanna check everything off and then be done and then know all the things.
That's not realistic.
No matter what you're doing, we've talked about it before on our podcast.
No matter what you start doing, you're not going to be a hundred percent proficient at it the first time or maybe even the second time.
And, diva's life is a work in process from birth till death.
So mastery isn't exactly what we're going for, we do we do have a practice that you can begin today.
Yes, exactly.
And that, that always helped me.
Because when I'm in a state of overwhelm, just know okay, let's take a deep breath.
Let's focus for a minute and just reel it back a little bit.
That alone helps.
And yeah, and like you said, all it has, all it does, it takes one minute.
It might not change the whole world and it might not change the sit situation, but taking that one minute.
Moves from it.
Get takes your power back.
Yeah.
It brings you back into your own self, and so when the emotion arises, that's what you ask yourself, again, what's the one word emotion that I'm feeling right now? And the, again, it's this practice, right? The more we practice, just like a toddler, when we're teaching them colors.
This is blue.
Where's blue? Then they say, oh blue.
And then they can identify it.
Yes.
And it's, and when you're looking for your emotion, it's not the story, it's not the blame.
It's, we're just, we're talking way back, just like Mom and Jane said, like a toddler.
Where is blue? Is blue, which was blue, what I'm feeling? Or is it red or is it orange? And and also in this process, sometimes we find out like I'm tired.
I'm actually okay.
I just need some rest.
Yes, absolutely.
Yeah.
My body is physically tired and that is that again, it's the distinction.
It's giving your brain the opportunity to use your intellect, your reasoning skills of identifying, oh, it's not the emotion, it's a physical sensation.
Tired or hunger or fill in that blank.
A headache or something.
But if we go back to when an emotion arises and you ask yourself, what is the one word for what I'm feeling right now? Then you notice where do I feel it in my body? Yeah.
And that's the other, that, the other part I love is that.
Emotions are energy in motion and they're interior.
So when we can identify where is this emotion in my body and take again, take another minute and identify that.
And again, it sometimes it's a practice, sometimes it's, doesn't always count.
Is, I don't know it's in my arm, it's, but it's so amazing as a coach when I ask that question to my clients.
At first, they feel a little, might feel a little awkward.
I feel it in my throat.
I feel it in my, but your body knows the truth.
And that's, that is the amazing aspect of oh, my, my teeth get clenched when I feel frustrated.
That's how my body literally manifests like the body language, right? We use body language and that again is just a powerful tool that you now have in your toolbox, often.
I think when I start to get in a state of overwhelm, I think.
Relax your face.
And if you just do that, and you don't even think that your face is tensioned, you don't think your jaw is clenched, you don't, if I can say, okay, relax your face, and then I can feel that relief of consciously, then I know, okay, there's something I need to address here.
That's so good.
So you're almost doing it backwards.
You're recognizing your body movement.
And then you're going to the emotion.
Which is it? I, e either way, sometimes.
Yeah.
No, but that's, yeah, that's great.
That's exactly right.
Because they're connected and it's also, awareness creates space.
Yeah.
And space is where freedom begins.
Exactly.
And I'm jumping ahead of myself just a teeny bit.
One sentence, once you.
Experienced Catholic coaching and a lot of times we will, like mo many of us have a, like you may feel, let's say one emotion, like I said, in your face jaw clenched.
But if you really start breaking it down, you'll be like, oh, it's in my stomach.
And that's usually leading like a lot of us there's wounds there.
We're, this is this season Mama Jean and I are trying to cover, there's a lot of wounds of womanhood.
Yeah.
And that's again.
God has a plan that's not a gloom and doom statement.
Yeah, that is just a fact.
And God gives us the tools to work through it with his grace.
And also guys, we don't have to, the beauty Mama Jane and I are talking you, we're not doing this alone.
This is, this is the Holy Spirit.
This is Mother Mary.
This is the Angels and Saints.
This is, we got a team, that's the other thing we forget.
We are Catholic.
We have a huge team and it's deep.
It's not just us.
In the second string, we got infinity strings.
That's, and we just gotta ask.
And we got the Super Bowl team too, that's right.
That's right.
Whichever one.
It's the best.
That's right.
That's right.
So a lot of times when I get, some, sometimes you do try to go through this process and then you slip back and you go back to overwhelm.
And you just gotta remember it's, it is a work in progress and God always has your back there.
There is a plan God does not want bad for you.
Yes.
That does not mean we will not struggle.
That's right.
Yes.
That's, oh gosh, girl, you're on fire today.
Go for it.
Keep going.
I love it.
I love it.
Yeah again, emotional maturity is not, it doesn't come automatic with age.
That's.
I gotta pause you right there, because I really, truly thought someday there was a number and I'd be an adult and I would have it going on.
That's and it's interesting.
It's why I love to, to coach our older women as well because they didn't have the skills.
And when I coach my younger our, my, the younger generation at many times.
They wanna look to their parents and kind of put this blame on my mom did X and my dad did Y and I pause them for a moment and remind them that your parents didn't have the skills that you have at this moment.
That's so freeing.
It is.
It just accept it.
I didn't know how to do this.
Guess what? Mama Vicky and Mama Jane are here to teach you how to do this with, and we are the older women's.
And like I said, like you said, we're learning it.
We're learning it alongside you.
We're just one step ahead and our emotional maturity is getting stronger because we are practicing it and we have this journey together, this sisterhood together.
And the other thing is it's interesting I find is that many times, because we have this lack of emotional intelligence, and that's really what we're working on during this series is really just talking about how do we become intelligent about her emotions.
Many people, not only the age, right? Like you said, like I just thought I was gonna be in this magic number and all of a sudden I was adults.
I'd have the knowing.
And I had the knowing.
Yes.
And many people think the same thing about with spiritually, right? If I've been, walking with the Lord for this long, then obviously my emotional life is gonna be fine.
But that's not always the case either because spirit and emotions are two different aspects of your interior life, right? Yes, for sure.
Yeah.
Oh, for sure.
And once you learn this, everything begins to change your marriage, your parenting, your peace.
And mamas, if I could just speak to you if I could, mama and Jane and I were parenting before the result, everything was videoed.
But sometimes I do wish we could have a clip and you guys would be like, wow, we're listening to these two.
Because, but then hopefully you would be like, wow, we're listening to these two because we did not have a lot of skills.
I've had to, apologize to my kids for some of the things and not apologize because like I did something wrong, but because I didn't know, and as I learn I try to share with them and they've noticed a difference.
They have, they noticed, they're, I used to be, when I would get overwhelmed I'd take everybody on the overwhelmed bus with me and drive it right off the cliff.
Yeah.
Because you didn't know any better or correct the other, and it literally was, you didn't know any better.
Like when you get, if you can't identify your emotion and take it to the Lord and start working on it, then you stay in this state of chaos.
Which, anyone knows in a state of chaos, you can't bring peace if you are chaotic.
Exactly.
And here's the other thing is that you can't surrender to God what you can't name.
Amen.
It's the same thing.
That's what I was trying to say.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the same thing, like confession, right? Yeah.
I am preparing to teach a retreat for, first of all, communion parents on going to confession and identifying the actual sin is so important.
And sometimes people don't understand that x, X is a sin.
Sometimes they don't wanna say the word x.
Very true.
And yet again it's interior freedom.
And that's where I have to push this thing is, I definitely know when I started making confession a regular practice, not just slip it in the once or twice a year, we're have to you, I have never experienced a confession that the priest was like, oof.
That's a deal breaker Yeah.
Out the door for you.
Never I have, I personally have not left a confessional, not feeling better.
It doesn't mean that I don't have work to do.
I, I usually do actually.
I almost always leave the, I leave the confessional with work to do.
But, so in the beginning, if you're, if you're just learning this and you're just learning about emotions and you can, you I'll use myself sometimes all I can do is go to the confessional and say, Lord, I've, I, father, I have sin.
And I have I've just been overwhelmed.
I've been short.
I can't focus.
I, and remember.
The priest is God's speaking to you, like the Holy Spirit is coming to tell you.
So the message you need, you're going to get.
So that was just my plug for don't be scared of confession, just try it.
Yes, absolutely.
Even if it's a little confession, you don't have to go in and spend 45 minutes pouring your entire heart out.
It could be like a one, one and done.
And really in reality, that's why when you do the examine and you simply write down the sin without the story.
And this is the same be thing about the emotion.
It's so good.
Exactly.
That's so good.
That's great.
When you name the one word emotion without the story of how you got there, it diffuses it because that is what we wanna do.
We wanna, if we have a thing we wanna stumble up, I did this because, and that's not how, that is not a lot of us think that is working through it.
And it is not.
It is just staying on that.
Boat of overwhelm.
Yeah.
It just throwing more wood to the fire.
And then you wonder why it's still, you're still overwhelmed or you're still feeling resentful, you're still angry whatever the word.
But again, once you've named it's almost like a relief.
It's almost like the pressure cooker.
The little top of a pressure kicker.
Yes.
Yes.
It is oh, this is the name.
Okay.
And I give it to God, and where is it in my body? Oh, that's what's going on.
And just those two things, knowing the name of the emotion and where it is in your body.
I can't even tell you how many times I've seen a client have such breakthrough, and I have experienced such breakthrough as me as well.
It's just and often when you're learning this, it's okay if your breakthrough looks like big tears.
Yeah, sometimes it is.
You've gotta release it.
That's right.
That's right.
It could also be hysterical.
Laughter Yes, exactly.
Mean, so there's no wrong way.
But once you tap into this, your body has to release it.
You've been hanging onto it for so long.
Yeah, absolutely.
So di is if something stirred in your heart during this conversation.
We really wanna invite you to pay attention to that because again, like we said, we work with women every single day helping them cultivate their inner life so that they can live with clarity, peace, and confidence.
And we're preparing a powerful webinar on emotional regulation.
We're still in the.
What's it called? The creative phase.
As we're still discussing, what's the name, what are we gonna include? All of the things so that you are not overwhelmed with all of our information.
We wanna give you that really solid webinar that you have something to take away with, but also give you the experience to do some coaching.
Yes.
Make sure that you're on our email list.
And when registration opens, seats will fill quickly.
That's not a threat.
We just want you to join us and we want, the more the merrier.
So the next time you hear yourself say, I'm overwhelmed.
Instead say, what am I really feeling? The language of the heart can be learned.
And when it is, everything begins to change for the better.
Yeah, it's so beautiful.
So we're gonna invite St.
Paul to pray over us with his blessing from one Thessalonians name, be the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.
May the God of peace make you perfect in holiness.
May he preserve you whole, an entire spirit, soul, and body.
I approachable at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, the one who calls you is faithful and he will accomplish it.
Amen.
Amen.
Father, God bless you Catholic divas and we will see you next week.
God bless you.