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Who Are You Without the Uniform? Navigating Identity, Purpose, and Transition with Cathy & Robert Casteel · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that signs a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, hello, hello, everybody.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, we are back here today with some very close friends.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: I love these people.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: We have Kathy and Robert Castile.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: They're military veterans, of course, certified neuroencoding, uh, sorry, neurotransformational coaches.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: I won't say that just automatically, didn't I?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Dedicated to helping others break free from living beliefs.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: They have decades of combined service with personal transformation and bring both lived experience, which is super important, everybody, and sorry, I just got lost, both lived experience and powerful coaching insight.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: When I have something that comes up, yes, I talk to these people.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: Their work focuses on helping veterans and high performers rediscover identity beyond rank, title, and past roles.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna talk about that a lot today.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's really gonna be our focus.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, Kathy and Robert guide individuals through deep internal shifts, releasing old patterns, and stepping into a more authentic version themselves.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: And today we're gonna be talking about the silent war of identity.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: So let's let's kind of dive into this.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And if before we really go, Kathy and Robert, can you guys tell just a little bit more about yourselves?
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_03: So a little bit about me.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: I had already been in the military over 20 years when I met my husband.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_03: So I had built my identity long before I met him.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: So when I met my husband, it was new roles, new figuring everything out.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_03: And I medically retired back in 2020 and figured out my new life from there.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_03: I most of my all all of my 31 years, other than my deployments, have been in the reserves.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: So I've learned that part of my life of having to balance the military world in my civilian life.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah, that's a little bit about me in a nutshell.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_04: Fantastic.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I spent just under 24 years active army.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: When I was transitioning out, I was fresh off a divorce and straight out of a combat zone.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: So I came, there were several transitions, it all came together at one time for myself.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_02: And for me, my identity was I mean, it was completely shattered when I stepped out, and it's like, oh, wait a minute, what's this?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, when I actually got out, I was homeless.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: I had nowhere to go.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: I ended up sleeping on my sister's couch for a while.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: So you're gonna you're gonna have a lot of insight where we weren't talking about today about finding that new identity.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Both of you are, and you guys literally are the perfect guests to talk about this, right?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: So if we can, let's go ahead and dive in and and you know, as everybody knows, we're gonna we're gonna go go a little deep.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna talk about the darkness, we're gonna, we're gonna really bring that out because we want to we want everybody here to really understand, or I should even say see it within yourself.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, this this program is is literally to help.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's not just to sit here and get lights and you know, downloads and all this stuff, right?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: We're here to actually our mission is to help and and to make a difference, and so that's why we're gonna go a little deeper.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, we're gonna crack that light on you know what what did you see that made that change, and then you know, how did you do that and where you are now?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: So let's kind of dive in if you guys are ready.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm ready.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: Let's go.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: You guys are always ready.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Love it, love it.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: So, guys, you know, who are you in the rank, title, and mission really are no longer defining you?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Again, this is what we were just talking about, and why is that question so difficult for so many veterans?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: You go ahead and go first.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_03: I think for me, so when I decided to, I was in, I was still in the military, I was leaving my corporate America job, and I had been at that company for over 15 years, and so for me, I was like, what do I wanted out of that industry?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, what do I have to offer?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I never thought about my military training and background and all of that.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_03: And when I did think about that, I found the challenge for me is a lot of employers didn't see that value.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: I actually had a supervisor once tell me that I didn't have much leadership experience because when you told soldiers what to do, they just had to do it.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, Have you ever asked somebody to do something in the worst of conditions?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_03: You know, just because they're signed up in the military, they can still say no.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_03: Well, they have said no to, I mean, depending on what type of soldier with, they have said no to you before.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: So it's a special skill set that requires, you know, convincing people to do things in environments they they wouldn't want to do.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: So when I was looking for a job, it was so challenging because so many employers say, Yes, we want veterans, yes, this is great, but they don't really relate or transfer your skills and experience from the military into the civilian world.
• 6:09
  unknown: Yeah.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't like and that's a shame, right, Kathy, because there are, I mean, when you look at a leader, when you're trained in the military, condition of the military and so forth, there are so many assets, employers, listen, there are so many assets that just are there if the right person lets them leave.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: And there's different leaders, right?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I I just wanted I just wanted to make a point of that real really quick.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: So please go ahead.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_03: No, absolutely.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: And it it put me in a dark place because I was like, what do I have to offer now?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_03: Because this has been so much of my life.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: And so I started questioning like, can I even do anything now?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like, where do I go from here?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_03: And it took a lot of work, a lot of coaching, a lot of self discovery within myself, and riding that roller coaster to figure out what I was meant to do.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_03: And I just had great friends in my life who were in the self-development world that helped to guide me.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_03: Because if I hadn't had them in all transparency, Mike, I don't know where I would have been.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: And and can we talk about, you know, you personally again?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: We want we want to really connect here.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: The feeling, I mean, what kind of feelings were you going through at that time when you were just holy shit, what am I gonna do?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: How am I gonna do it?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm you know, these people don't see my worth, if you will.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: And what were some of the feelings you go through?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then I want to talk about that identity shift just a little bit.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_03: So for me, I had been working like getting a physical paycheck since I was 13 years old.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_03: So when I left that job, it was scary enough for me because now I was no longer working and having an income check coming in.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_03: Even though my husband was working, it was still that defined me as well.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: So for me, I think the the feelings that I was feeling specifically was I didn't feel worthy.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_03: I couldn't find the value in in my military experience to translate into the civilian world.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_03: So I couldn't find the value in what I had to bring.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: So for me, my self-worth was in the tank.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_03: I was angry, I was frustrated, I was sad.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, all of those things.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: So it totally understandable, right?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, your self-worth is about as big as it gets, right?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's right up there with the things you tell yourself, you know, which which obviously takes you down a rabbit hole.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not speaking for yourself, I'm just speaking the pattern in general.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: So if you will, what what what path were you taking at that time before you found the light in there?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_03: So I had wanted to be a cop a long time ago, and so I decided in the meantime, I'm just gonna put myself through the police academy.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_03: I wanted to do it in my 20s.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_03: Why the heck not do it in my 40s?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_03: And there are a lot of people in the military that are in law enforcement, so I felt like, okay, well, they'll see my value.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_03: And in all transparency, and and Mike, I'm gonna be as vulnerable as I can be on this because this will be the first time I've shared this with anyone outside of my coaching realm or with my husband.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_03: I went and did that, and I was back to square one like I was in the military, proving my worth as a woman.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_03: And my being an officer, I was typically in the at least in the department I was in, it was mostly enlisted if they were in the military or if they were officers, they were low-ranking, like lieutenants, maybe captains.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_03: And here I was a major getting ready to pick up lieutenant colonel.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_03: And it like everything I did was being questioned.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, I've spent over 20-some years in my life in the military trying to justify my worth as a woman.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_03: It's just a reality, it's still the same way, unfortunately.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: And I got let go because they said I wasn't producing, I wasn't meeting up to their snuff.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: And so that brought me even darker.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_03: So here it was validating a BS, a bullshit story.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_03: I was telling myself that I wasn't worthy, that you know, I couldn't even make it here.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_03: And when I went through all of that with help, the light on the other side was it was because my belief that God was pushing me towards coaching.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_03: Because that was the realm I always wanted to help people my whole life.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_03: That's why I was in the military.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_03: Always wanted to help people, and that was the venue that he brought me to to get to that point.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_03: Because as a cop, you can help people, you have to know their history, because if not, you could end up dead.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_03: As a coach, I don't care what you did in your past, that doesn't define you for me.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_03: So I went through, I when I got the news, I called my husband in in the car crying because I had never been let go from a job, and I was just at my lowest of lows, and I had to get to the lowest of lows in order to see the other side.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: I I love this.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, I want I want to make a point of people don't realize.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the difference.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Let me go back one step.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: People don't realize the difference in the people that you see that are on the show now because they've been through the fight, they've been through the battle, they've been through the war.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and that's any transition, guys.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know, this is this is the top performers, whether you're in a company, a veteran, it's the human condition, okay?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just call it what it is.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: You you you look at it two different ways.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Kathy could have just gone down and become a drunk, an alcoholic, a drug addict, and divorced 16 more times, or 16 times, sorry.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: And she wasn't divorced 16 times, guys, divorced and and could have gone down that path.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: And and and then, of course, you know, the ultimate suicide, right?
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: Or you look at it, you find the gifts in it, and you move forward like she did, and becomes the person she is now, right?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: So there's there's your choice.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: You can stay in the season of suck, or you can move forward.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: And thank God, it's got goosebumps.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: You're here today, doing what you're doing, changing lives, you know, a ripple, or I'll even say the tsunami effect in this world because of what you and Robert are doing.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm thank you for sharing that.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: Super vulnerable and and important, you know, because people take a second and really, really think about the words and the the emotion and things that Kathy was just had.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: That was real.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: How many of you have been there?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: How many of you have been part of that story?
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: That the pattern or that story is similar to yours?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because the patterns are similar almost all the time.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: The stories are generally a little bit different.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you, Kathy.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: I I really appreciate you going through that truly.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: Robert, how about you?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: And we're gonna we're gonna get into more identity and and so on, but how about how about you?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: So, for myself, while I was in, my position and rank was important, but it wasn't everything because I had a family outside also.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: And one of the reasons I got out was because of my daughter.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: I I chose to walk away because I had just gone through that divorce and I hadn't seen my daughter really, other than a four-day weekend for the past three years before that.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_02: I really hadn't spent any time with her because of deployments and living in two different houses at the time.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: So rank was important and the the position was important.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: When I transitioned out, I was going through three transitions all at the same time.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: It was really dark.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like I had no clue.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: I had all the bills from the divorce.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_02: I got out from making like sixty-some thousand dollars a year to making less than twenty-nine thousand dollars a year.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I had the stress of that.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: That's one of the reasons I didn't have a I was living on a couch because I didn't have uh, I couldn't afford to live anywhere because all my money was going to pay the bills and take care of my daughter.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: I ended up getting a job as a contractor working for a government entity for the military.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: And now that I'm looking back, working with people, yeah, I kept that connection with the military, but it did not help me in my transition at all because I was still in the same environment of the attitudes and rank and things like that.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, oh okay.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't until I started uh transitioned out of that job into a different job that I really started making transitions.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's also about the same time I also found personal development because I was the end, I never heard of Tony Robbins, didn't have no clue who he was.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: And then I got in a business and they was like, Yeah, have you listened to Tony Robbins?
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, who's that?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: They thought I was insane, but it wasn't something that impacted my environment at the time.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I had to take my identity, and the good thing is about an identity is you can be one person today and start transitioning, and tomorrow you can be a completely different person if you choose to.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: If you choose to make that identity change, look at companies and their branding and how they brand themselves.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: They make changes.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: New CEO comes in, we're making a new change.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: Look at your recording artists and your actors and things like that.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: They make transitions when they become less popular, they transition out.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: So the identities is just something that's comfort to you.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: And if you just hold on to that comfort zone, if you don't want to step out of that comfort zone, then you're gonna stay in that identity.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes you have to go very, very dark before you decide, hey, look, it's time for me to let go of this identity.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: I was, I mean, after I got out, I was drinking daily, no drugs, but I was drinking daily.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_02: And that's what slowed my drinking down.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_02: And now you're lucky if I have a drink once a month, right?
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: So so so can I ask you something really quick, Robert?
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: So when you were when you were going through that, so you it's interesting because you went from military what you knew to comfort of a military construction job, which is kept you in that comfort to some extent, and then the holy shit reality was after that, right?
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's that's what I got from there.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: So when you left there and you're in that holy shit, this is real life, and I'm lost.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: What were some of the thoughts and some of the again the the what was it?
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: What did it feel like when you were there?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_02: Lost.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: I was so at the time I transitioned, also, I hit something called the tunnel or midlife crisis at the same time, and I was completely lost.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: I hadn't could not see a light to save my life.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: And it was very dark for me.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_03: May I share something on that?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_03: He went to a he went to a space where uh he was not go-getter, like he couldn't make decisions, he struggled to make decisions, simple decisions.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: And from someone who, when I met, was a decision maker, go-getter, to couldn't find a purpose.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_03: He had zero purpose at that point.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_03: So when when he said the word loss, like loss for purpose, loss for existence, all of that dark space.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, thank you for thank you for saying that.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it's it's it is the the pattern, guys.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it is it is the the silent war that that we fit face again, veterans, someone out of corporate world transitioning, all these things.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: You go you go through these things, you know.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you, Robert.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: I really appreciate you you talking about that.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: Can we can we just for a second?
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: I I know we want to talk about grieving it.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: So can we talk about that really quick, and then we're gonna we're then we're gonna we're gonna move into the light if we can.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_03: So for me, I think when people used to say grief in the past or you're grieving something, I always made the association of the loss of a person that passed away.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_03: That's that's what grieving is.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_03: And I never put it in any other perspective until I got into self-development.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_03: And then I realized grief shows up in a lot of different ways.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: Grief is grieving the loss of the identity.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_03: So when I was in when I was getting ready to retire, I was no longer gonna be a wife, a mom, an entrepreneur, and a soldier, a veteran.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_03: To me, it was a soldier.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_03: And so at the time, I was like, dang, like, I don't want to lose that.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_03: Like that it defined me.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_03: I made something around it.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_03: So I had to go through a process of grieving the loss of that identity that I carried for over 31 years.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I think people don't realize that you actually have to go through a grieving process.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_03: And like anything, grief is different for everybody, and nothing.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna get a little bit on my bandwagon for a minute.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_03: Nothing pisses me off more than someone saying, You're not over that yet.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like, dude, I go through my grieving process different than yours.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_03: We grow differently, we have different perspectives, different support systems, different beliefs.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_03: So allow me to grieve my damn however long it takes me to grieve.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: And I think when I reach out to some of my fellow veterans that are retired and I'm checking in on them, and I'm like, hey, how's it going?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_03: It sucks.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_03: Like, that's what I get.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_03: It sucks.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_03: It's horrible.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: It's not great.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, it's grieving, it's it's a grieving process.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_03: So I literally had to process it like the death of somebody.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_03: Because it was the death of somebody, an identity that I had.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_03: And so I was running the emotional roller coaster.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: Robert, do you want to add to that?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so grieving the identity and looking at it from what do I want to keep from that identity?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: What do I want to bring forward in my new identity?
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_02: What what was not serving me?
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: What lessons were I was I supposed to learn in that old identity?
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: And oh, by the way, if you still want mission as part of your identity, or you want to use that as a driving force, here's your new mission.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_02: What steps do I need to take to have a new identity?
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: Fantastic.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's so true.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and I think you're hitting all the silent wars, guys, in my book.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: So keep going.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: Pretty fantastic.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: And thank you for the help with that.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, I I, you know, run run in things through people that I trust and respect.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, you guys are part of that.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: So, so with that said, can we can we celebrate really quick?
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to I just want to change the tone here because we've gone through the loss of identity, grieving it.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: Now let's move into the new identity.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: We started Robert started us with that just a second ago.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: And and so I want to move into that because we've got about five minutes left.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: I can't believe it's already been really already been through all that time.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: So um, so if we can, can we celebrate literally pat yourself on the back?
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: We we we move through that that and we're transitioning into the new identity, right?
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: So talk to me about that.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: What are some thoughts of you know your guys' story, obviously, is what I really want to hear about.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I I know a lot of it, but for our listeners, what are some of the things that really change finding the gifts, redefining the definition of what happened, those kinds of things to move you into who you are now and and the success that you guys are as a couple, uh individually, you know, as people?
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: Talk to me about that.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'll just say briefly and love to turn it over to my amazing king.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: Is for me, it was learning that I didn't have to pigeonhole, like, or I could try something, and if I didn't like it, it was okay.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like we say, like being a cop, I could have said, Oh my gosh, that was a year and a half of my life that I wasted.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_03: No, I did something that I thought I wanted to do, it wasn't okay.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_03: So now that's let's move to the next chapter.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_03: So I think for me, the biggest takeaway I got through that whole process of figuring myself out and going through that dark space into the figuring out what I want to do with my life is realizing that I don't have to have it all figured out.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like we go in the military with figuring out our long-term, like this is what I'm gonna do in my 20-year career.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna go from this rank to this rank, this title to that title, and you're so focused.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_03: The cool part in civilian life is you don't have to.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_03: You can go work for a company for six months a year, and you're like, dang, this is not what I thought it was.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_03: It sucks.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_03: I hate my life.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, let me reinvent myself and figure out what else.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_03: Like, go try it all.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and that's where I feel like I I succeeded on that part.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: Robert, before you go, I'm really sorry.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: I want to make one really quick point, guys.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: Listen to what she just said.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's not I'm stuck, it's this doesn't fit.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: I choose to make a change, I choose to live the life I want, my identity.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_01: I just wanted to make a point.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: Robert, please.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_02: So for me, it was what I wanted to do with my life.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: What do I want my legacy to look like?
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_02: And start building from there.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_02: Did I have to start from scratch?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: Because I was flat broke and I had I didn't even have two pennies rubber together.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_02: So I and emotionally speaking, I was also flat broke too.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I just had to gradually start rebuilding, and it was step by step building a relationship with Kathy, making it deeper, building the relationship and healing the relationship with my daughter.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: And to the point where now that she comes to me and says, Hey, look, she's a manager now, and she's like, What would you do in this situation?
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_02: She's asking me for what I would do in certain situations when it comes to management and just keep going deeper and looking at what's happened in the past, keep the past from the past, but look at it what lessons was I supposed to learn from that event and bring those lessons forward to guide you, you know.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: The path of life, everybody's like, oh yeah, it's this you know, this is your path of life.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_02: No, it looks more like loop-de-loops and it's all right, I'm going along this path.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, wait a minute, I've run into this.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: What can I do to resolve this issue?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_03: May I add something on that?
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and not just resolve the issue, am I still supposed to be going on this path?
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_03: Because sometimes we like for Robert, he banged his head against for trying to figure out what his path was.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_03: And then because he didn't continue that way, he was able to see the other doors that were open for him.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sorry.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_02: No, you're fine.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: And you can take and look at that path and say, okay, I'm going this way.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like it.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_02: Who do I need to seek out to help me get on a different path?
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_02: Because you don't have to do it by yourself.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: There's someone that's probably cracked the code on how to go along the path that you want to go.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: Business is the same way.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_02: There's someone that's cracked how to become a senior level VP in this company.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_02: Who do I gotta find?
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what steps do I need to do?
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_03: And there's so many resources for veterans out there.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_03: We just don't want we're not used to asking for help.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: You're not you're conditioned not to you're conditioned to figure it out.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: I know, I know.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: That was the biggest thing I had to learn was to ask for help.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: To ask for help and think outside the box.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_02: Don't let yourself get boxed in.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: Love that.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: So, Robert, with that said, you know, we were just talking to Danny O'Neill, and we went into this, you know, deep is you know, human beings, again, human condition, veterans, high achievers, top performers, all of them get into this thing, and I'm gonna go, especially veterans, because we talked about this, but it's not a weakness to ask for help.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's the most courageous thing you can do in every aspect of your life, right?
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_01: Don't be the man from the 60s, whatever, that won't ask for directions.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: And then going around in circles for three days, you know.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, that was the stereotype from back then.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: So, but you know, with that said, guys, you know, of course, we're we're gonna run over just a couple of minutes.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_01: If if we can, as far as identity now, right?
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: We've we've moved past it, we've given some tips, and I love the tips you guys gave.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: Can you give just a couple of more quick tips on getting excited about your new identity?
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_03: Would you like to go first?
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: No, you go ahead and go first.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_03: So I will give one tip and and then I'll leave it over to my amazing king.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_03: And my tip would be sit down and just journal with no filters.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_03: If I could have it all my way, if I could have my life all my way, and it would be like the biggest desire, what would it look like with zero filters and just write for as long as you know, for whatever it comes out, give yourself the time and the space, and then pick maybe one or two things out of it, and then just because what happens is we get, or at least I know for most of them, we tend to get overwhelmed by too much.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_03: So pick one, maybe two things and say, you know what?
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna go straight towards that.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_03: That's gonna be my trajectory for now.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_03: Because even though it's your greatest desire, once you start going that way, you might be like, maybe not so much after all.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_03: Nah, I don't think uh it's not what I thought it was gonna be.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_03: It's not filling my tank the way I thought it was gonna fill.
• 32:13
  unknown: Right.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: Before Robert goes, really quick, I want to add, you know, me and neuron coding.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_01: So when you're doing that journaling, smile while you're doing it, okay, because it releases all the good hormones and it it opens up your mind to possibilities as well.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, celebrate while you're doing it because you're talking about your future of what you want.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_01: The whys will come later, how-tos will come later.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_01: Don't focus on that.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_01: Just what do I want?
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_01: And celebrate the hell out of it while you're doing it.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_01: I love what you just said, Kathy.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: Robert, please.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_02: So don't become Pavlov's dogs.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_02: Stay staying along the same thing, and wishing something's gonna be different is not gonna change anything.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_02: So take annually, sit down, take a couple days, take a weekend, a week, just turn off social media, turn off your phone, things like that.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: Design what you want your life to look like.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_02: Not only in your relationships, for your business, for financial, your religion, design your life how you want it to look like, and then develop yourself a plan to execute for that year.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_02: Next year, repeat the cycle, just continuously going that cycle.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_01: Love it, and and Robert, I'm gonna say with that, that's fantastic because here's the thing why you keep doing it, right, Robert, is because you're gonna be a different person each time you do it.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so your goals need to be updated.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to also say, take one of those things and take an action on it immediately before you walk away from that table, that place that you're writing this stuff.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: And also with Kathy's tip, right?
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: When you circle those one or two things, just take an action because having the information doesn't change things, it's taking the action is what actually does it.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_01: So I just wanted to throw that in there.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, guys, anything, yeah, please.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna ask anything else.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_03: I do.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_03: I have one thing, it's just like the one thing I feel like most veterans tend to miss the most when they leave the military is the camaraderie.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_03: And know that there's volunteer organizations, typically, people who've left the military still have a heart to serve.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_03: So do things that are bigger than yourself, and there's a lot of good veteran-led organizations that volunteer that you can still have that camaraderie with other veterans and share the war stories or the you know, giving the other branches crap kind of thing, and it kind of makes you still feel like you still have a that little bit of fire still being fed.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: So love that absolutely please that piece.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I was just gonna say, don't forget that piece.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, super important.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_01: That community, that connection is absolutely important.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm really glad you said that because I just want to remind people to go to your thoughts, your reality.com and join our community.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, we have a community in there, we we have all kinds of resources on Facebook and and things like that.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_01: So please join, be part of our community.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: Guys, with you guys have been absolutely amazing as always.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being vulnerable.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for showing the light and and moving people you know further, faster forward, because that is super important and what we're what we're all about in this mission.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, with that said, how do people reach you?
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_03: They can reach us either at Kathy at MSMcoachinggroup.com or Robert at MSMcoachinggroup.com.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_03: And we have a Facebook page, so feel free to reach out.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_03: We are here to support you.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_01: Love it, absolutely love it.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: Time is the most pressing resource we have as human beings.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: We don't get it back.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for spending this time again out of your lives to to literally just serve and help people grow the mission and and move forward.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_01: So absolutely appreciate you guys.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_01: Love you to death, and uh we'll have you back on, of course, in the next in the next rendition uh when we when we reboot here in about a month.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: So excited.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you so much.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_03: It's our honor.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_01: Love you, brother.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: Take care.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: Love you too.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: We're out of here.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your thoughts, your reality podcast with your host, Michael Cole.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit EmpowerPorformance Strategies.com.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, your thoughts create your realities, so make them out.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: Catch you on the next episode.