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Rabbi Moshe Haber Iggeret Ramban: The Three Levels of Respect and Humility 12.14.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

• 0:00
  In the Garrett and Amban where he's writing a letter to his son
• 0:04
  before we started. Some of the just.
• 0:06
  Introductions actually unrelated but I just want to keep this in
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  mind. We said downstairs that if a
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  person wants to have their children to big item to pray or.
• 0:17
  To be busy with. The candles, the Camara says had
• 0:20
  I Gil banana. Someone is busy with them, and
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  they are. Has.
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  Children coming there, coming where?
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  The source or beyond that? What's the concept of the
• 0:28
  Camara? I don't know really.
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  I mean my own made-up. Concept which?
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  I think is. Correct.
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  Is that the overall theme? Is that?
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  One level is at the basuk. Says name it, travel to the OR.
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  Which is that a candle is a flame, it tries light.
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  So if you're busy with candles and light, you'll have more to
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  that in your family and yourself and if one your children.
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  So I want to the question but. Why you chosen?
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  Why not myself? Why is it that?
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  My children, how about myself? And I guess the overall theme is
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  trying to tell you that it's going to go on for generations
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  and go on for a long time to remain with you forever.
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  That's the way of saying it. So they say your children, but
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  overall. The see the idea.
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  Is a clear one. It's an important one.
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  The more person involved themselves in this specific
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  mitzvah, the more they have to what they bring to that into
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  their life, and they therefore extend to that, into their life
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  over to their children. That's just a theme.
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  That's the point to keep in mind.
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  I have to get to our class. So then Bond was telling his son
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  the importance of humility, and he's telling his son how to be
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  humble and one of the ways he said to be humble.
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  Is to treat every person with respect.
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  Now, everyone. Loves to say that.
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  Line Treat everyone with respect.
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  He would love to say it. It's way.
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  Harder. It's much easier said than done.
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  Very hard to do. So now Bond gives you 2
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  extremes. Both of these will.
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  In a certain sense, seem. Difficult.
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  Both are real. Respecting those who are.
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  Wealthy and smart, he says. Is a must and respecting those
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  who are poor. And not smart is also a must.
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  Both those things are a must. And both those things are.
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  Surprising. Let's start with the first.
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  The idea that Ramban who's? Writing a letter about humility
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  and he's telling you about being a good person and carrying
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  yourself the right way. He's telling you that there's a
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  requirement to give. Cavort to the wealthy.
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  That is something that can make everyone.
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  In any room. Get very nervous.
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  When they hear a rabbi say those words give cavort to the
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  wealthy. Well, the Gemini talks about it
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  and the. Gemini talks.
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  About how rabbis would stand up for those who are wealthy.
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  And how do you explain that? How do you, I know they gave
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  charity. That's not the point.
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  That's a separate point. I'm doing it without the
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  charity. How do you explain?
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  The idea first to give respect. To those who are.
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  Wealthy and. Those who are extremely
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  intelligent. I'm not talking about
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  intelligent. With what I am those who are
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  wealthy. Made a lot of money.
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  And those who are intelligent, very smart, why is that A.
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  Reason for respect. Eons.
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  OK, the key is this. Every cupboard in the world.
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  Is cavoor of Hashem there? Was no other cavoor in the
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  world? And besides, we cavoor shamim
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  when we give respect. To anything or anyone, we are in
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  a sense. Trying to guide our respect
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  toward God. That's the only one who deserves
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  respect, only one who gets it. And we give.
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  Respect to a wealthy. Person the right way.
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  Not the disgusting way. The right way, not the way that
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  gets you nervous, the way that's.
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  Proper is because we're. Saying God blessed him, God
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  showered him with. And I.
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  Say if God bless. Him and God likes.
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  Him. And I should treat him the right
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  way too. This is the Kemar brings how
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  rabbis, rabbi and others would actually stand up.
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  For the, for the. Sheeting and give them respect.
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  Now for a person to fit that molt, you need a few things you
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  need him to. Be godly blessed.
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  Which means. If the guy is not a good guy.
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  If the guy is a cheat. That doesn't matter, yet you're
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  not matter. He may still be blessed by God,
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  right? If the God is a sketch, he's a
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  cheat. He's not a good guy, he's
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  arrogant, he's obnoxious. If he carries all those titles,
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  that. Get you nervous then this.
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  Cons is out the window. Why is it out the window?
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  Because he's not, clearly. Representing God in any.
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  Way. But if?
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  He is a good. Guy if he carries.
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  Himself in a decent way. If he has.
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  Some level of unity, something if he.
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  Seems to be. Godly blessed now way.
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  Fits the God mold then. You respect him more than he
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  respect the person without money.
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  You are. Obligated to give covert to a
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  well. Off person if they carry
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  themselves. The right way.
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  I know it sounds surprising. I know it easily couldn't be
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  bothersome. Have he will always comment and
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  say why does that person get that respect and that person
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  well, the truth is 2 things number one, this point, as we're
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  saying right here, which is. If he carries himself the right
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  way. Then you treat him like a
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  person. Who's blessed by God?
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  And you say, if Hashem likes him, I like him, Hashem gives
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  him. That sort of cavort then I am
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  going to. Stand up for him.
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  Even now you have to stand up and walks into the room, but you
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  are going to give. Him degrees of cavort.
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  And it's not considered. Inappropriate.
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  It's considered appropriate. That's something to be keep in
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  mind. Now everyone always reacts.
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  To this because they say I've. Seen, you know, my father used
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  to joke. All the time.
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  You know we don't do it in our our community branch and Azim
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  have. These yeshiva dinners, right?
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  And they have parents. Of the year Grandparents.
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  Of the year, right, they have the.
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  So and so gets the you know, you know, best man award.
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  What do they want to give right? I've always joke.
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  It doesn't make a difference what.
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  I got as kid. Did at school my parents of the.
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  Year, that means they were great parents.
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  The kid could. Have been kicked out.
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  Every other day doesn't make a difference.
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  Parents of the. Year is very convenient.
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  And those happen to. Be wealthiest parents of the
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  year who are willing to get honor.
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  Probably used to make this joke all the time like.
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  Communities have no name Priscilla.
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  We never had dinners in all right, We had, we had dinners.
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  With names did we less, less often.
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  But the joke is the truth. The truth is that's.
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  An extreme. If the kids are not good kids
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  and the parents not doing the job, it's an extreme.
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  But the truth. Is the fact that.
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  Those people get that respect. Is.
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  Twofold #1 is what I'm telling you right here that a Shaheen
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  are? Blessed by God.
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  And if they're respect number 2 is that?
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  There's something called the Balmazi, a very.
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  Important thing to know is something called the Balmazi.
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  What's about Masi? Someone who does a lot of
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  actions we give Kavo to. Rabbis.
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  Right, 'cause they have a lot. Of Torah, the cavor you give to
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  Rabbi, it's Cavora Torah. The cavor you give to Obama Azim
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  if you. Know and if you.
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  Think about this. Even the name you just
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  mentioned. And all these names, these
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  people are giving a crazy percentage of their money to
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  charity. These people are involved.
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  In a million organizations, these people are giving over
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  their money to other people. Right we.
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  Always, if we don't have that kind of funds, we look at them,
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  we say every big deal. It's not so easy.
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  To give away your money like that, even if it's maser.
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  Maser is a. 10th of my money. That's a lot of money.
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  If I'm a well person, right, the guy is making a lot of money and
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  he gives a 10th of his money. It's a very impressive thing.
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  I know we think that it's easy. It's.
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  Actually quite difficult, unless.
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  You're in the right frame of mind.
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  So about my senior person who does actions deserves coverage.
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  For his actions as well. So don't rush the judgement on
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  this concept. This concept is.
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  Real. Someone said the same thing,
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  same idea. A person.
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  Who's a volunteer? The president.
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  Who was involved? The person who?
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  Who gives advice? The person who?
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  Cares for other people also. He's about Masim and.
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  He deserves couple this part that I just told you.
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  We claim is the hard part. I'm telling you, admit it's
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  easy. And it's true, such people
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  deserve respect. Now.
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  The flip side is pressured, the other side is obvious.
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  When you give them. Respect because of something.
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  Else that they have. That's a different story.
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  And that's. Not, not good.
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  Which is if you're giving them respect because of the money.
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  Because we want to have a connection to their money, or
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  we're giving them respect because of the money.
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  Because money means power, Money needs fame, money means
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  oppressive. Money needs cool.
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  All that sort of stuff. The typical classic.
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  Running after a person because of their money.
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  That Kabai, that I'll see you later.
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  And that is something that we all do not like.
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  And the reality is the Torah. Has no backing for such a
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  concept. There is no so such a concept.
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  It's the opposite of Kavut. It's something else.
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  It's. A lack of a MUNA.
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  It's chasing the wrong thing. It's creating the wrong role
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  models. It's all those issues come.
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  About when you respect. The well of person for the wrong
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  ways when you. Respect them because God bless
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  them. And you respect them because
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  they're doing the right thing with their money.
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  Cola cavort they. Deserve all they cover.
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  Want to respect them because. Of the other reason.
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  They're powerful, they're famous, they are someone I want
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  to be connected to. They make me.
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  Feel good when I'm I feel good I connected such and such a.
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  Person to make me look good. All those other reasons to
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  respect well of people that has no without backing and that has
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  all the negative. Influence.
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  Interesting point to note. You know when we.
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  Respect well of people it you know it's.
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  Supposed over to our. Children, it's a reality.
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  It's supposed over to our children.
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  So you have to dance a very tightrope, walk a very
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  tightrope. To figure this out, because if
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  you didn't. Respect well of people because
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  God bless them. And because they do.
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  Things the right way and. They're by Masim etcetera.
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  Your children will be fine, but if.
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  We respect them. Because they're powerful,
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  they're famous, they're cool, they're impressive, they make
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  you look good, right? All those things and your
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  children and my children will chase money.
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  Like nobody's business because they believe that.
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  Daddy said money is cool and money is to be a endo.
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  So it's a very fine line and I don't know if the kids can read
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  in. This line but.
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  You have to be very careful this line. 1 is a major.
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  Degree of respect? Well.
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  Deserved the other one. Absolutely not something we want
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  to. Filter into our children.
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  To me, this is my opinion, but I believe I'm basing you from the
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  total. Does opinion make sense?
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  Sounds clear. And you can find this fine.
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  Line and your children can tell the difference 'cause they can
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  tell. If there's a guy who gives,
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  who's very well off, who's blessed by God.
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  But he's very stingy. Yes, he gives respect.
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  But not the same. Degree.
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  But if there's a guy who's very well off.
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  And he's very generous. He gets more respect.
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  If there's a guy who's very well off and he.
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  Does the wrong. Things in life, right?
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  He's living life the wrong way, one way or another.
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  Sure he may be. Blessed by God.
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  But there's a lot. Of other possibilities.
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  And maybe that God is testing him.
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  He's definitely not the person whom you want your children to
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  think that you believe in, right?
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  This is a very fine line to. Be careful with this, but there
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  is absolutely. A real area of respect to those.
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  Who God blessed, whether it be their wealth.
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  Or the antlers. A real thing.
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  Now here's the other side of the coin.
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  That's Part 1. The other side of the coin is
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  the need to be real if you're. Following.
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  To our guidance giving respect to a person.
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  Who's not blessed? And that means God is not so
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  small. The guy is not well off at all
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  if you're going to. Follow to our.
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  Guidelines and say I respect the wealthy because I shouldn't said
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  so then respect the. Poor in a different.
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  Way because I shouldn't say so well as well now that this.
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  Respect not the same. You're not going to be deal
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  about a poor person. You're not going to.
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  Say God. Showered him a blessing.
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  What you do is find the. Place takes more work.
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  Find the place where you can believe.
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  That God. Is with this person too, and
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  this is more. Difficult, but very necessary.
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  And that is? To be.
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  Across the board, consistent, not the same.
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  Style of respect. Can't be, but it's going to be
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  consistent. That is according to the Rambani
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  says these words. If someone's of Imran Shu.
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  If the person is poor. And you're well off.
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  Or you're smarter than him and he's not so smart.
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  Think in your mind that there's. Something about this person.
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  That's bigger than you. Something about this person
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  that's impressive, and this takes digging a little deeper.
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  Can this be done? Is my question.
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  Can it be? Done.
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  Do you see a simple guy and you know the the?
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  Surface. Very difficult surface.
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  Is he a guy? Let's say the.
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  Guy downstairs, for example, who is, you know, foreigner.
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  Doesn't have any money, yadda yadda, right?
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  He's just a guy. You're going to find something
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  in your mind that's more impressive.
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  Well, respect. Very.
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  Difficult to apply not standing up for such a person.
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  You're not talking about him very difficult, but the other
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  kind of respect which is treating.
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  Him like something that's special it's.
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  Hard to do. Yes, it takes a little.
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  Digging, but it must be done if you're only doing the first.
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  Part of this class. Then you end up.
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  Being a guy who's chasing. Fame.
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  You end up being a guy. Oh, I believe in the TA.
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  Da when it says. Respect to Rich very.
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  Convenient. You know, my fault.
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  Like I shouldn't say that word. When I was raised I was not
• 14:06
  allowed to use that. Word.
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  Ever, ever ever. Allowed to use the word well off
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  was. The word I couldn't use the word
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  with R. Yeah, very lot.
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  A lot of restrictions in my childhood.
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  There were 4 words OK. You couldn't use. 3 words that
• 14:18
  started with the letter. S and now what you think and you
• 14:22
  couldn't use? This word, that was it.
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  All right, don't go down your mind with letter S now what you
• 14:27
  think? OK guys, they would do it was.
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  Hey, talk to you. I was a family.
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  Even if this wrote them. We have a family.
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  There's another. Thing SU it was.
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  A Yiddish word. Called schnar, which means.
• 14:46
  Hasho, and there's one. More word, I forget what it was.
• 14:50
  It means like a beggar Harsho. And then you couldn't use the
• 14:53
  word rich ever. OK, I never use the word and
• 14:55
  everything. I still.
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  Have a hard time I say. Well hope I said wealthy.
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  I can't say the word right. I said it's like and.
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  I'm doing my exactly. But the idea and the theme.
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  Is that not going? To be busy with them because of
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  something else. We're going to be busy.
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  Because God bless them. But if we want to be consistent.
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  You have to do the other side of the coin too, which is.
• 15:19
  Find the first Any people? You anyone?
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  You see? Look at them and.
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  Dig a little deeper. And find a reason to treat them
• 15:28
  like a person. Find a way to create in your
• 15:32
  mind something unique about that person.
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  Initially, it's difficult. Because there's the open.
• 15:38
  Immediate reaction. Wealthy guy is a lot to go for.
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  Smart. Guy.
• 15:44
  Very impressive. Cool guy, the whole business.
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  But if you have. A person.
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  With none of that. And a person.
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  That's simple in a sense. You have to dig deeper.
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  You have. To get to the.
• 15:54
  Good hard thing you. Have to get to the.
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  Nice person. Level.
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  You have to get to the Good Father degree.
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  You have to go a little deeper. The reality is.
• 16:04
  And let's be very real. These are the people.
• 16:08
  Whom you want your as your friends, right?
• 16:11
  You don't care if your friends are rich and famous.
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  Doesn't do you any good. If they're good people.
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  Then. Great.
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  But if they're not good people, you.
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  Don't care about. Your friends and rich and
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  favorites. What do you care about that's?
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  Traits. Definitely.
• 16:24
  There you go. What do you care about as your
• 16:26
  friends? What do you care for your son in
• 16:28
  law's? What do you want your daughters
• 16:30
  to marry right? Good guys.
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  Nice. Good.
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  People, you don't. Care about how wealthy they're
• 16:36
  you want to do it to be. Supported.
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  I understand that. But you don't care about the.
• 16:39
  Fact they they make a bake you'd much rather than being just.
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  Good guys. Same with your grandchildren.
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  Good people, so the people whom you're expected to respect.
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  Who may? Be in a certain sense simple or
• 16:53
  actually the people who are your.
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  Favorite friends? They're the people.
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  Whom you get along with, Bess. They're the people who when you.
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  Go into a wedding and you're standing around.
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  These are the people that you feel comfortable.
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  To stand next to because. They're going to give.
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  You a nice conversation. These are the people going to
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  make you feel good. These are the people you don't
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  feel less than, right? So it's not as difficult to.
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  Give them respect as it. Seems initially you go to the
• 17:19
  rich and famous, the big time rabbi, the.
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  Big time well of guy. The big deal?
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  God, I got it. But after you dig a little
• 17:26
  deeper, ultimately you're perfectly.
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  Fine. With this simple guy.
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  In. Fact, in certain degrees you
• 17:32
  like that person more. I wish, brother-in-law, do you
• 17:35
  want to be around by the Shabbat table?
• 17:37
  The guy exactly, well, I got his hair, got very marvelous,
• 17:44
  humble. The guy should I?
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  Right, the guy was making a big deal about himself or the.
• 17:51
  Guy was easy who? Doesn't you know?
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  Pump stuff up. Left and right, right.
• 17:55
  Of course we know which one. OK, this is the problem over
• 17:57
  here. But that's the reality, so
• 18:03
  that's and. It's true with everything so
• 18:04
  simple although initially. It may.
• 18:08
  Seem like cousin can hear and respect he does can hear and
• 18:11
  respect too. And then you go to the third
• 18:14
  degree. Third degree is the most
• 18:16
  difficult and this requires. Real.
• 18:19
  Terror heads, that is to give respect.
• 18:22
  Respect to a person. Who doesn't seem to have
• 18:25
  anything. Going for him, right?
• 18:27
  Have a guy, he's not well off. He's not famous, he's not so
• 18:32
  smart, maybe even carries some degrees of Razi.
• 18:37
  To give that guy. Respect doable.
• 18:40
  How's doable? Played out for me.
• 18:42
  How's. Doable.
• 18:42
  What do you? Do to give the guy respect.
• 18:44
  Are you being nice? What are you doing?
• 18:47
  Concern. You're treating him like a
• 18:49
  first. Equal concern is love.
• 18:52
  That's not respect. Concern is not respect.
• 18:54
  Concern is being nice. But again, they don't want to be
• 18:57
  nice. I, I, I've seen from giving from
• 18:59
  even charity, an unbelievable thing.
• 19:02
  An unbelievable. Lesson I learned.
• 19:03
  OK, so I don't. Know where this me dog came
• 19:05
  from? For some odd reason I don't know
• 19:09
  where it came from. Somehow I'm on some sort of
• 19:11
  list. I've said this before, I'm on.
• 19:12
  So you show me lists and they come to my house Thursday
• 19:16
  nights. It's about once a month.
• 19:18
  OK. It still comes.
• 19:20
  OK. Yeah, that.
• 19:22
  It's it's actually a lot of fun. Though it's very expensive.
• 19:25
  But. They come to my house Thursday
• 19:26
  night. I think it starts about. 10:30
• 19:30
  to 11:00 at night. A knock on the.
• 19:32
  Door, these are you. Showing me guys raising money to
• 19:34
  marry off the. Kids.
• 19:35
  Classic case. By about once a month and.
• 19:38
  They always come in. With a nice thought, they know
• 19:42
  this trick. They have a good devout sorta.
• 19:44
  Some of them have. Very cool.
• 19:46
  Devout sorta, actually. Like stuff you never heard
• 19:48
  before. I never use anyone.
• 19:50
  They're too difficult. To say over.
• 19:52
  But they come with good stuff and I've noticed over time, and
• 19:57
  I'm sure anyone who's given charity before knows this and
• 20:01
  that is. Give them the time of day to
• 20:03
  talk. Let them speak.
• 20:05
  Give them. Something let them say
• 20:07
  something, let them seem like a person.
• 20:10
  And it's very, very important to let them sit down.
• 20:13
  It became a stick. They get to come in, close the
• 20:16
  door. We can the dining room, in the
• 20:18
  kitchen. I have to do this every time.
• 20:19
  Just bring them a cup of water. It's always the same.
• 20:22
  Stick sit down. We.
• 20:24
  Got to hear about their family. Few minutes at the vow, Tora.
• 20:29
  Go back and. Forth And they asked, what are
• 20:30
  you speaking about this week? It's always the same.
• 20:32
  Process and it's usually 1/2 hour meeting and I know
• 20:36
  beforehand exactly what the plan is.
• 20:38
  I know exactly what they're coming for.
• 20:40
  I know the deal. But I realized over time.
• 20:43
  If you don't give them that respect.
• 20:45
  He's a guy. He left his family for a week.
• 20:48
  We know the whole deal. That's family for sometimes. 23.
• 20:51
  Weeks even he's traveling in Brooklyn I'm.
• 20:54
  Sure, a lot of people close. The door on him, I'm sure it's
• 20:57
  pretty embarrassing. I know the whole system by now,
• 20:59
  right? And if you have a fundraise, you
• 21:02
  know the deal from being on the other side of the coin.
• 21:04
  And I think I'm not far in front of a charity.
• 21:06
  But it's still there's a degree of.
• 21:08
  Bouchard in the Beginning, 100. Percent.
• 21:11
  In a certain sense I mean the. Amounts, yeah, but it's.
• 21:13
  Definitely hard. So you feel bad for the guy and
• 21:15
  they expect these people expect decency.
• 21:19
  And once. Here's the wild thing.
• 21:21
  Once you treat them like a. Person you realize that everyone
• 21:26
  really is a very impressive person every.
• 21:30
  Person out there to all decent people.
• 21:32
  Have a very great degree of. Impression Very impressive this.
• 21:37
  Guy, these guys. They Tommy did come in and one
• 21:40
  guy came to the house. He finished house multiple times
• 21:42
  and they one guy one guy asked me to.
• 21:45
  Test him I test. Him could you imagine test.
• 21:49
  Them on Chicago and. I tried as much as I can to test
• 21:52
  some things I learned and he knew.
• 21:54
  Line by line, of course. Something wild.
• 21:58
  And this guy's? Got to go.
• 21:59
  Knock on doors like Ezekie is you.
• 22:01
  Understand if he was around on our community, he'd walk into
• 22:04
  Charetzion and the whole. Place would stand up if they
• 22:07
  knew how smart. He was right, but here's the.
• 22:09
  Guy, he's knocking. On a door waiting outside for my
• 22:12
  daughter to answer the door in the freezing cold right?
• 22:16
  Waiting for me. One time they have to wait for
• 22:17
  me to come home because it my kids were nervous to answer the
• 22:20
  door. So like Ezekie, every person is
• 22:24
  impressive. May not be they know Shas even.
• 22:27
  Just a good guy. Just a good father.
• 22:29
  This summer is dedicated to take care of his family, whatever it
• 22:32
  may be. He did something impressive and
• 22:34
  even if it's not so deep. Even if it's just a die.
• 22:38
  Trying to figure out his own life.
• 22:39
  There's also something there. There's always something to
• 22:43
  treat properly. So you have 3 levels.
• 22:46
  There's the rich. We'll use that word.
• 22:48
  Today. All right, Rich.
• 22:50
  And genius. And famous, right?
• 22:53
  Not the famous cause of the fame, no, no rich and genius.
• 22:57
  They did their respect 'cause God bless them.
• 23:00
  So long as they live. Life.
• 23:01
  According to God's. Blessing.
• 23:03
  And the Gemini backs up that concept.
• 23:05
  Then you have. The regular guy.
• 23:07
  Who has who has a degree of impressive something there too.
• 23:11
  And then you have the person who's in the. 3rd tier we'll
• 23:14
  call. It.
• 23:15
  Not because they're judging. But in the third tier.
• 23:17
  And that is, he doesn't. Have it seems, anything going
• 23:20
  for him? But as a Jew.
• 23:22
  And Bond is telling us, you look at the guy, take a minute and
• 23:26
  you figure. Out a way to.
• 23:27
  Treat him with respect and to build him up and when you.
• 23:31
  Do that you realize? And you're a full person because
• 23:35
  now there's no way you can go. They're going to treat someone
• 23:38
  not properly. There's no way you're going to
• 23:40
  go, they're going to hurt someone, right?
• 23:42
  And we mentioned as well that the middle.
• 23:44
  Guy is actually the. Guy who you like?
• 23:46
  As your friend, he is the guy who you want, I think, as your
• 23:49
  son in a sense. He's the guy.
• 23:52
  All you. Want to be around you know
• 23:54
  you're not? No.
• 23:55
  Interest everyone. Loves to chase the rich and
• 23:57
  famous. Funny thing, the rich and famous
• 24:00
  hurt them all the time. All the time, right?
• 24:03
  Because it. Put them down.
• 24:05
  Usually it's very difficult for a rich guy to remain humble.
• 24:08
  It's not so easy. They put them down.
• 24:11
  They. Aspirage them, they ignore them.
• 24:15
  All those things that famous people love to do because they
• 24:17
  think they're. Hashu forgetting about the.
• 24:19
  Ladder of life, right so. You in a certain sense, you
• 24:23
  want. To be like the guy who has.
• 24:26
  A degree of Adamy. The best thing in the world?
• 24:29
  Is to be a person who's. Blessed by God and also.
• 24:32
  Carries that middle trait a hard feat to reach.
• 24:35
  A life's work. Has reached that level, but we
• 24:37
  can reach that as well. Let's understand.
• 24:39
  And then I'm Bond is telling us. You treat every.
• 24:42
  Person. The same.
• 24:43
  Way and in every single individual that respect right
• 24:47
  start with. This that way.