Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1283 - Communication Wins and Big Conversations

Transcript

#1283 - Communication Wins and Big Conversations · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:06
Speaker 1: Having your heart right towards your child is probably the
0:08
Speaker 1: most important thing you can do when it comes to
0:10
Speaker 1: your parenting. Right up beside it, though, is how you communicate.
0:14
Speaker 1: And today we're going to share with you a couple
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Speaker 1: of communication wins that we've been having in our family today.
0:20
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Happy Families podcast. So good to have
0:23
Speaker 1: you along real parenting solutions every day. This is Australia's
0:26
Speaker 1: most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Coulson.
0:30
Speaker 1: Hun Just before we get into today's pod, got an
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Speaker 1: email the other day from a fifteen year old who said,
0:36
Speaker 1: don't mention my name, don't tell anyone even what state
0:39
Speaker 1: I'm from, but he really wanted me to know some
0:42
Speaker 1: stuff about how the work that we're doing is impacting
0:45
Speaker 1: not just parents, but teenagers. You ready for this, Okay?
0:49
Speaker 1: I almost intrigue. I almost told you what this teenager's
0:52
Speaker 1: name was, but I'm just going to read the email.
0:55
Speaker 1: I'm a fifteen year old and I totally agree with
0:58
Speaker 1: what you're saying about social media. I've had apps like
1:01
Speaker 1: Snapchat and Instagram for two years and honestly I regret it.
1:04
Speaker 1: How often do you hear fifteen year old say that
1:06
Speaker 1: they regret their screen usage. You know what a more
1:08
Speaker 1: interesting conversation is, how often do you hear fifteen year
1:11
Speaker 1: olds or anyone say I'm really glad I've got this.
1:13
Speaker 1: It's making a positive difference in my life. Anyway, this
1:17
Speaker 1: person says, I regret it. It's addictive, waste time. I
1:20
Speaker 1: dropped grades in school because of social media and it's
1:23
Speaker 1: messed with mental health. One of my mates wasn't meant
1:25
Speaker 1: to get Instagram until sixteen, but he just installed it anyway,
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Speaker 1: shows how easy it is for teams to ignore their
1:30
Speaker 1: parents and get sucked in. I found I got Instagram
1:33
Speaker 1: due to feeling like I was missing out with all
1:35
Speaker 1: my mates having it. Giving you kids social media is
1:37
Speaker 1: like handing them a weapon. It's also killing real life confidence.
1:40
Speaker 1: I've lost confidence talking to girls in a normal conversation.
1:43
Speaker 1: Like It's like I have social anxiety and another one
1:46
Speaker 1: hundred percent I don't have it as I'm a really
1:48
Speaker 1: confident person who's very popular at school. And because of
1:51
Speaker 1: all the fake stuff online, especially from guys like Andrew Tate,
1:53
Speaker 1: I've lost a lot of confidence. But I've started turning
1:56
Speaker 1: things around. People like David Goggins helped me focus and
1:58
Speaker 1: build discipline. Thanks for your time. Please don't say where
2:02
Speaker 1: I'm from or my name. Really appreciate what you do.
2:06
Speaker 1: Cheers and Kylie. I just thought it's worth sharing it
2:09
Speaker 1: because sometimes as parents we feel like we are banging
2:12
Speaker 1: our head against the wall, especially with teens and social media,
2:15
Speaker 1: and then you get a fifteen year old who sends
2:17
Speaker 1: an email like that.
2:18
Speaker 2: If only more of them were like that.
2:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've had this experiment in our home for the
2:23
Speaker 1: last three weeks with our fifteen year old. And the
2:26
Speaker 1: other day she accidentally slipped up and said that not
2:28
Speaker 1: having a phone for the last few weeks has been
2:30
Speaker 1: one of the best things that's happened to her. Did
2:33
Speaker 1: she She kind of didn't mean to say. She was
2:35
Speaker 1: talking to her sisters and it just kind of came
2:38
Speaker 1: out of her mouth. And then she looked at me
2:40
Speaker 1: and went, oh oh. I put a hand over her
2:42
Speaker 1: mouth and said, I didn't really mean it like that.
2:44
Speaker 1: I must really think. I think I heard something really
2:48
Speaker 1: cool there.
2:49
Speaker 2: That's awesome.
2:50
Speaker 1: All right, I'll do better tomorrow. This is where we
2:53
Speaker 1: have a look at what's happened in the last week.
2:55
Speaker 1: We talk about what's working and what's not working. I've
2:57
Speaker 1: got a big success story today. What about you?
3:00
Speaker 2: I think I'm going to chalk my one up to
3:01
Speaker 2: success too.
3:02
Speaker 1: Okay, well, your first, ladies, four gents, off you go.
3:05
Speaker 2: Oh you're so kind. Well.
3:06
Speaker 1: I read an article the other day on one of
3:08
Speaker 1: those news websites, and they were making the argument that
3:11
Speaker 1: chivalry has died.
3:13
Speaker 2: Chivalry has died.
3:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean some people are saying that chivalry was
3:15
Speaker 1: just sort of some benevolent sexism or whatever. I don't care.
3:18
Speaker 1: You go first, thank you, You're welcome. Let's sear the story.
3:22
Speaker 2: So the other day I had a consult with Emily's
3:27
Speaker 2: OT and we were talking about some of the challenges
3:30
Speaker 2: we've been experienced, I think over the last little while,
3:33
Speaker 2: especially within the homeschooling space, and trying to work out
3:35
Speaker 2: how I can be more supportive of her.
3:37
Speaker 1: We're highlighting for those who are knew to the pod,
3:39
Speaker 1: Emily is our youngest. She is eleven and being homeschool.
3:43
Speaker 2: And what frustrates me more times than not when we
3:47
Speaker 2: engage with professionals is that more times than not, they
3:51
Speaker 2: actually don't share anything new, but they bring to the
3:55
Speaker 2: forefront things that we already know. Yeah, and it feels
3:59
Speaker 2: frustrating because you're spending this money so that somebody can
4:02
Speaker 2: tell you something that you already know.
4:03
Speaker 1: I just want the pill, I want the secret sauce.
4:06
Speaker 1: I want the silver bullet.
4:08
Speaker 2: And as we were talking, we were discussing bedtime because
4:12
Speaker 2: this has been a really, really big struggle with Emily.
4:15
Speaker 2: She is such an engaged kid and absolutely loves working
4:21
Speaker 2: on different little projects that bedtime seems like such a
4:27
Speaker 2: bane in her existence. She just doesn't have a desire
4:31
Speaker 2: to go to bed. She doesn't and she doesn't show
4:33
Speaker 2: any signs of being tired or frustrated until you ask
4:37
Speaker 2: her to go to bed.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, so she's not playing up, she's not being rambunctious
4:40
Speaker 1: or obnoxious. She's not doing anything wrong. She's just reading
4:44
Speaker 1: or doing lego or painting, or she's been creative and productive,
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Speaker 1: like she's always doing a good thing. When you say, hey, kid,
4:50
Speaker 1: time for bed, it's getting late, and it's just.
4:53
Speaker 2: It causes friction. Not all the time, but from time
4:56
Speaker 2: to time it causes significant friction.
4:58
Speaker 1: There are a couple of things that make it. I
5:00
Speaker 1: know I'm interrupting, but it's worth highlighting why this is
5:02
Speaker 1: such a challenge Number one, I travel a lot, so
5:05
Speaker 1: your capacity to be fully available is reduced because I'm
5:09
Speaker 1: often not home, and so there's inconsistency and routine. Number two.
5:13
Speaker 1: She's the youngest of six girls, so all of her
5:15
Speaker 1: sisters are in their mid to late teens and beyond,
5:19
Speaker 1: and they're all staying up way later than she's supposed
5:21
Speaker 1: to stay up as an eleven year old, so it's
5:23
Speaker 1: really easy for her to just sort of hang out
5:26
Speaker 1: with everybody else and.
5:27
Speaker 2: Well, and there's almost five years between her and her
5:30
Speaker 2: next sister, so she in a half years. She's young
5:33
Speaker 2: by a long stretch, and so she's watching what everyone
5:35
Speaker 2: else is able to do, and she just doesn't understand
5:38
Speaker 2: why she can't be a part of it. Not that
5:39
Speaker 2: she wants to be a part of what they're doing,
5:41
Speaker 2: she just wants to continue doing what she's doing. And
5:43
Speaker 2: if they're allowed to do it, why can't I?
5:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to be up.
5:46
Speaker 2: She has a real thing with social justice, and right
5:49
Speaker 2: now she doesn't feel like it's it's in her best
5:52
Speaker 2: interest to go to bed when everyone else gets to
5:54
Speaker 2: have an extra few hours of time, two hours to
5:58
Speaker 2: work with the things that they love. But as we talked.
6:01
Speaker 2: It just occurred to me, and it wasn't so much
6:04
Speaker 2: that she told me. It was that as we discussed
6:07
Speaker 2: it and just talked through things, she actually said when
6:10
Speaker 2: she was younger, what worked with Emily. And I thought
6:13
Speaker 2: about it, and I thought about our circumstances, which were
6:16
Speaker 2: very different to what we're dealing with now, and I said, well,
6:19
Speaker 2: we'd usually did in the lights. I'd put some oils
6:22
Speaker 2: on her, the diffusial would come out, we'd sing some songs,
6:25
Speaker 2: we'd read some stories. Obviously there was a bath in there,
6:29
Speaker 2: like all of the things, a.
6:30
Speaker 1: Bit a soft music or a song together or whatever.
6:33
Speaker 2: And as I said that, it was like, oh, yeah,
6:37
Speaker 2: we don't do any of that anymore, Like literally, we
6:40
Speaker 2: don't do any of that at all. And part of
6:43
Speaker 2: that is because the house is a busy house. There
6:46
Speaker 2: were there are so many moving parts all the time,
6:49
Speaker 2: and she kind of just gets dragged along with it all,
6:53
Speaker 2: which she's really happy to be dragged along. But as
6:56
Speaker 2: we continued the discussion, I just thought, you know what,
6:59
Speaker 2: I probably need to refocus on what a structured bedtime
7:04
Speaker 2: would look like for her to help her through this process.
7:07
Speaker 2: And so a few days later I sat down with
7:09
Speaker 2: Emily and we had a conversation and I explained to
7:12
Speaker 2: her that i'd been speaking with her OT and we'd
7:15
Speaker 2: had a conversation about some of the struggles we were
7:17
Speaker 2: having at home, and one of them was bedtime. And
7:20
Speaker 2: I said, how do you feel about bedtime? And she said,
7:23
Speaker 2: I just think it's really unnecessary.
7:26
Speaker 1: Bedtime is unnecessary.
7:28
Speaker 2: I said, yeah, you really don't like going to bed,
7:30
Speaker 2: do you? And she said, no, Mum, I'm not tired.
7:33
Speaker 2: She's like, I'm not tired. And I'm like, yeah, I know.
7:36
Speaker 2: You could read. Like put a book in front of
7:39
Speaker 2: me and I'll read for about I don't know, half
7:41
Speaker 2: a page and I'm gone. She can read pages like chapters,
7:47
Speaker 2: just keeps going. So, as we talked about things, I said,
7:50
Speaker 2: do you remember some of the things we used to
7:51
Speaker 2: do when you were little? And so she listed them
7:53
Speaker 2: all of them and she said, oh, yeah, I really
7:56
Speaker 2: liked it when we did that. And so I said
7:59
Speaker 2: to her, do you think maybe we could have a
8:01
Speaker 2: discussion around what bed time would look like? What time
8:03
Speaker 2: do you think you should go to bed? This is
8:06
Speaker 2: gonna blow you right.
8:07
Speaker 1: What did she say?
8:08
Speaker 2: She told me that she should be lights out and
8:11
Speaker 2: asleep by eight thirty.
8:14
Speaker 1: That's I mean, that's perfectly reasonable. But if you'd tell
8:17
Speaker 1: her that at eight thirty, yes, it's World War three.
8:21
Speaker 2: I looked at her and I was like, you think
8:23
Speaker 2: that's that's a really fair time to go to bed,
8:25
Speaker 2: and she said, yeah, it is, but once I'm twelve,
8:27
Speaker 2: it needs to go to nine.
8:28
Speaker 1: All right, okay, all right?
8:29
Speaker 2: And I said, okay, so if eight point thirty is
8:32
Speaker 2: lights out, what other things do you like to do
8:35
Speaker 2: before you go to bed? And there was an acknowledgment
8:37
Speaker 2: she loves to read, and so I said, okay, so
8:40
Speaker 2: if you're going to read, you usually would love to
8:42
Speaker 2: have a good half an hour, so you actually need
8:44
Speaker 2: to be in bed by eight o'clock. And I said,
8:48
Speaker 2: but to get to that point, what do we need
8:50
Speaker 2: to do? And so she listed a few things that
8:52
Speaker 2: she needed to do, and so we talked through it.
8:54
Speaker 2: By the end of it, we had number one total compliant.
9:00
Speaker 2: She was one hundred percent.
9:02
Speaker 1: I would go beyond that. This is not about compliance.
9:04
Speaker 1: This is about commitment. You've moved from compulsion in compliance
9:08
Speaker 1: to commitment to compliance.
9:10
Speaker 2: Even down to we do all in after dinner.
9:12
Speaker 1: So for those of you who have missed the memo.
9:14
Speaker 1: All In is we finished dinner and everyone comes into
9:16
Speaker 1: the kitchen and we're all in the kitchen tidying things
9:19
Speaker 1: up and resetting the house for the morning.
9:21
Speaker 2: And so I just said, in relation to all in,
9:24
Speaker 2: what job would you like to do? I said, do
9:26
Speaker 2: you want to pack away the table? And she said no,
9:28
Speaker 2: because I've done that in the past and it's a
9:30
Speaker 2: really quick job. And then everyone gets me in trouble
9:32
Speaker 2: because they're still doing work and I don't have to.
9:35
Speaker 2: She said, can I put the dishes away?
9:38
Speaker 1: The dish dryers are going to be so happy about that,
9:40
Speaker 1: because they always complain about having to dry and put away.
9:43
Speaker 1: I don't understand why it's such a big deal. Why
9:45
Speaker 1: is that such a big deal? Like, if it's already
9:47
Speaker 1: in your hand, take two steps to the cupboard and
9:48
Speaker 1: put it in the cupboard. No, I just want to
9:50
Speaker 1: put on the bench, like seriously.
9:52
Speaker 2: So another thing she really hates is having a bath
9:55
Speaker 2: every night. She hates it. I said, you know what
9:57
Speaker 2: I said, Actually I'm thinking about it. I brought that
9:59
Speaker 2: lavender bubble b stuff. I think that that would be
10:01
Speaker 2: a really good way to signal to your body that
10:05
Speaker 2: it's time to slow down. How do you feel about
10:08
Speaker 2: having a bath every night? And she went, yeah, that
10:11
Speaker 2: sounds really good. So we are yet to actually put
10:15
Speaker 2: this into action.
10:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've had a busy time since you had the conversation,
10:18
Speaker 1: but tonight.
10:19
Speaker 2: Tonight's the night, and I'm actually really excited about it.
10:23
Speaker 2: We even talked about no TV after dinner and she's
10:26
Speaker 2: like totally on board. I can't tell you how big
10:29
Speaker 2: of a deal this conversation was and how amazing it was.
10:33
Speaker 1: So success comes from the three e's explore explain in power,
10:37
Speaker 1: You've developed a structure by providing a rational for white
10:41
Speaker 1: matters and then getting her buy in, getting her commitment,
10:43
Speaker 1: getting her contribution towards making evenings work. It's a win.
10:49
Speaker 1: It's a win all the way round.
10:51
Speaker 2: There is one cave here.
10:52
Speaker 1: Yeah.
10:53
Speaker 2: I promised her that Thursdays was actually a night off
10:57
Speaker 2: from the routine and structure. And I have a class
11:00
Speaker 2: that we teach, so we're not here and she usually
11:03
Speaker 2: gets to watch the TV while we're gone, and I
11:06
Speaker 2: said that that was okay.
11:07
Speaker 1: Thursdays is a play, play as much as you want night.
11:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, she has one night.
11:13
Speaker 1: Well, that probably makes it feel really good about life
11:14
Speaker 1: as well. Yeah, okay, after the break the big win
11:17
Speaker 1: that I've had in a conversation with our.
11:19
Speaker 3: Kids, Colie, I didn't ask you, what is the central
11:29
Speaker 3: take home message from your big win with Emily in
11:32
Speaker 3: terms of putting together an evening structure to get nighttimes working.
11:36
Speaker 2: It seems ridiculously simple, and it seems like it's literally
11:41
Speaker 2: what we come back to every time. But the three e's, Explore, Explain,
11:46
Speaker 2: empower are the answer to nearly every challenge that we
11:50
Speaker 2: have with our kids, literally.
11:52
Speaker 1: Of effective discipline, hence the name.
11:54
Speaker 2: It is just so profoundly simple when we get the
12:00
Speaker 2: timing right and when we have emotions in check. Okay,
12:04
Speaker 2: if I had have tried to have that conversation with
12:06
Speaker 2: her at night time when we're trying to put her
12:08
Speaker 2: to bed, it would have been a disaster. But I
12:11
Speaker 2: picked at the right time to sit down with her, explore, explain,
12:15
Speaker 2: and empower. And I'm really looking forward to next week's
12:18
Speaker 2: I'll do bead tomorrow because we're going to have a
12:20
Speaker 2: great week.
12:21
Speaker 1: I hope that it works. I just want to emphasize
12:23
Speaker 1: how important is that when kids understand the rationale, things
12:27
Speaker 1: go so much better. Okay, let's move on to my
12:29
Speaker 1: older better tomorrow. I'm going to make my one fairly quick.
12:32
Speaker 1: We have made quite a big deal on this podcast,
12:35
Speaker 1: and I make a deal on parental guidance. I can't
12:39
Speaker 1: say much, but I do emphasize that in our family,
12:41
Speaker 1: on the first Sunday of every month, we sit down
12:43
Speaker 1: with the kids. We have tough talks. We talk about tricky,
12:46
Speaker 1: tricky and sticky situations and what our children can do
12:49
Speaker 1: to be safe and healthy and make wise choices. We've
12:53
Speaker 1: realized that once a month isn't enough. We have a
12:55
Speaker 1: lot of kids, there's a lot of challenges, there's a
12:57
Speaker 1: lot going on, and so what we've done is we've
12:59
Speaker 1: decided that we're going to every week. So for the
13:01
Speaker 1: last few weeks on Sundays, we sit down with the
13:04
Speaker 1: kids for well. We promise them that if they will
13:07
Speaker 1: contribute and participate and keep it tight and focus, that
13:10
Speaker 1: will be done in what fifteen or twenty minutes. That's
13:12
Speaker 1: the promise. I'm laughing. I'm laughing because not at you, No, because.
13:19
Speaker 2: We can't keep it tight and it's.
13:21
Speaker 1: Not our fault. No, they can't stay focused. But here's
13:24
Speaker 1: the it's not even that.
13:24
Speaker 2: They can't stay focused. What they actually love is the
13:27
Speaker 2: banter that results from this time together. Yeah, and it's
13:31
Speaker 2: really frustrating because you want to get to the point.
13:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's get this done. We said twenty minutes, you're
13:36
Speaker 1: going to complain.
13:37
Speaker 2: But it's also really nice, totally to have them sit
13:40
Speaker 2: there and just be grateful for the time that we
13:43
Speaker 2: have together.
13:43
Speaker 1: And so a lot of parents will say to me,
13:45
Speaker 1: I don't know how you get to sit my kids.
13:46
Speaker 1: If I say we're going to sit down and have
13:47
Speaker 1: a tricky talk, they won't even show up. And what
13:51
Speaker 1: you're going to do is you've got to give them
13:52
Speaker 1: good experiences. You've got to make this work for them.
13:54
Speaker 1: And so we absolutely play on the fact that it's
13:57
Speaker 1: only going to be ten or twenty minutes if the
13:58
Speaker 1: kids play along, and whenever they talk for too long, like, well,
14:02
Speaker 1: you were the one that made it go for too long,
14:04
Speaker 1: not us. But they are actually enjoying it. So a
14:07
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago, I made a big deal here
14:09
Speaker 1: on the podcast about how we talked about emotions and
14:11
Speaker 1: how emotions work. Last week we talked about turning towards
14:15
Speaker 1: one another rather than turning against and turning away from
14:17
Speaker 1: one another. This week just gone as a result of
14:20
Speaker 1: a I would say, a negative experience that one of
14:23
Speaker 1: our daughters had with a guy who could not seem
14:27
Speaker 1: to understand what no meant and provided a whole lot
14:31
Speaker 1: of unwonted attention. That there was nothing catastrophic that occurred,
14:35
Speaker 1: he just provided. He just would not stop putting pressure
14:39
Speaker 1: on our daughter because he has a crush on her,
14:42
Speaker 1: and he's clumsy and doesn't understand that no actually means no.
14:45
Speaker 1: So we decided that we would have a consent conversation.
14:47
Speaker 1: You can go to consent dot gov. Dou I'm an
14:49
Speaker 1: ambassador for the Consent Can't Wait campaign the federal government's running,
14:53
Speaker 1: and you can get a whole lot of resources from that.
14:55
Speaker 1: In this instance, rather than using the resources, we just
14:57
Speaker 1: had a fairly informal chat and I said to the girls,
15:01
Speaker 1: based on the experience of one of your sisters. They
15:04
Speaker 1: all knew what the experience was and what had happened
15:06
Speaker 1: because we talked about it previously. They'd all sort of
15:09
Speaker 1: shared their ideas about it. I said, let's talk about
15:11
Speaker 1: the different ways that things can go wrong here. And
15:15
Speaker 1: I just said, you shout out what you can think
15:16
Speaker 1: of they said unwanted attention. They said, how do you
15:20
Speaker 1: respond to pressure? I said, what do you owe somebody
15:26
Speaker 1: when you go out with them? We talked about you
15:30
Speaker 1: brought up the importance of letting guys take the lead,
15:33
Speaker 1: and then one of the girls said, what are the
15:35
Speaker 1: signs of interest in? What are the red flags? And
15:38
Speaker 1: we just had, oh my goodness, the best conversation about
15:42
Speaker 1: consent and dating and boys and relationships. It was just
15:46
Speaker 1: so delightful. On unwanted attention. I said, well, what kind
15:49
Speaker 1: of unwanted attention have you experienced or do your friends
15:52
Speaker 1: talk about? And they said, physical touch, invading personal space,
15:57
Speaker 1: getting spammed like just one one of them said when
16:02
Speaker 1: people send root and inappropriate messages. One of them talked
16:05
Speaker 1: about the male gaze being stared at, checked out. There
16:09
Speaker 1: was harassing friends, there was ignoring requests for space, pressuring,
16:13
Speaker 1: emotional manipulation. Like I'm sitting there going we're raising these
16:17
Speaker 1: girls in a world where boys all too often don't
16:20
Speaker 1: get it. If we had sons, I'd be reading this listen,
16:22
Speaker 1: I'd be saying, mate, what are you going to do
16:24
Speaker 1: about this? If a girl says she doesn't want your attention,
16:26
Speaker 1: you need to actually honor that. You've got to respect that,
16:29
Speaker 1: and she may actually want your attention more because you've
16:31
Speaker 1: shown her that you know how to honor what she
16:33
Speaker 1: asks for. Anyway, we talked all about all of those
16:36
Speaker 1: things in terms of responding to pressure. Got a great
16:40
Speaker 1: discussion about how boys generally tend to be the accelerated
16:44
Speaker 1: girls are typically the break and we talked about how
16:46
Speaker 1: that works and why, rightly or wrongly. I know a
16:49
Speaker 1: lot of people will hear that and be really quite
16:51
Speaker 1: upset and put out by it, but it's the reality
16:52
Speaker 1: is what's going on. I brought up the idea that
16:55
Speaker 1: if you go on a date with a guy, you
16:58
Speaker 1: need to be really clear that you do not owe
17:00
Speaker 1: him anything. You don't owe him a handhold or a hug,
17:03
Speaker 1: a kiss, nothing like that. And that's just vitally important
17:08
Speaker 1: that girls know they don't owe a guy anything just
17:12
Speaker 1: because they're on a date. You talked about letting boys
17:15
Speaker 1: take the lead, which I thought was kind of funny
17:18
Speaker 1: because I'm the guy, and yet I'm really happy to
17:21
Speaker 1: chime in and say, guys actually want to chase. If
17:23
Speaker 1: it's too easy for a guy he is not that interested,
17:26
Speaker 1: like there has to be some kind of chase and
17:27
Speaker 1: he's got to be taking the lead. And we got
17:29
Speaker 1: to talk about those signs of interest and the red flags.
17:32
Speaker 1: It was just so inspiring. It was such a great conversation.
17:35
Speaker 1: I just want to emphasize, if you've got kids, start
17:37
Speaker 1: these conversations early. I can't believe I just said, if
17:39
Speaker 1: you've got kids. Of course you've got kids, you listen
17:40
Speaker 1: to the podcast seriously, start the conversations early, have them
17:44
Speaker 1: often first Sunday of them, the first time of the
17:47
Speaker 1: month might be enough. We've discovered that it's not enough.
17:49
Speaker 1: We've got so much. We've got so much that we
17:51
Speaker 1: want to explicitly teach our children that they're not just
17:55
Speaker 1: going to absorb from the ether or from hanging around us.
17:58
Speaker 1: I'm a professional speaker, and it's to me that I
18:00
Speaker 1: give other people better content than I give my own kids.
18:04
Speaker 1: And that's got to change. And so by doing this
18:07
Speaker 1: every Sunday, the kids seem to be really enjoying it.
18:09
Speaker 1: We're enjoying it. And the conversation is how long do
18:12
Speaker 1: you reckon? That one went hour and twenty Yeah, it
18:15
Speaker 1: was nearly ninety minutes.
18:16
Speaker 2: You know what I loved about that conversation. When you
18:20
Speaker 2: think about the content of what we were talking about,
18:23
Speaker 2: it would be very easy to suggest that an eleven
18:27
Speaker 2: year old doesn't need to be a part of that,
18:29
Speaker 2: that it's completely irrelevant to her, and that it's going
18:33
Speaker 2: to go over ahead. But number one, not only did
18:37
Speaker 2: our eleven year old stay involved in the conversation, she
18:42
Speaker 2: actually provided quite a lot of comic relief as we
18:45
Speaker 2: went through.
18:46
Speaker 1: She said some funny stuff.
18:47
Speaker 2: She wanted to be involved, and she had an answer
18:51
Speaker 2: to a lot of the questions. And while they were
18:55
Speaker 2: an eleven year old's viewpoint, they were appropriate.
18:58
Speaker 1: For an eleven year old, it was great.
19:00
Speaker 2: They were appropriate. That's right. But secondly, it means now
19:04
Speaker 2: that as she does move into that space where that
19:08
Speaker 2: becomes an issue.
19:08
Speaker 1: In seventeen years.
19:12
Speaker 2: She's comfortable having these conversations because we're having them regularly. Right,
19:16
Speaker 2: This isn't something that we kind of you know, we
19:19
Speaker 2: end up with a child who has a bad experience
19:21
Speaker 2: when we go actually we probably should have this conversation
19:23
Speaker 2: with you. This is about pre arming them so that
19:26
Speaker 2: they don't find themselves in that position, and if they do,
19:31
Speaker 2: they're empowered to know how to get.
19:32
Speaker 1: Out and come and talk to us about it as well.
19:34
Speaker 1: So we had an eleven year old, a fifteen year old,
19:35
Speaker 1: a seveneen year old, a twenty two year old, and
19:40
Speaker 1: a friend as well just happened to be here.
19:43
Speaker 2: Well, she's been to a few and she actually loves them.
19:45
Speaker 2: That's her plan. She wants to be there every week.
19:48
Speaker 1: She's been the last couple and she's like, I just
19:50
Speaker 1: want to keep on coming to these chats. I love
19:52
Speaker 1: them how much.
19:53
Speaker 2: Fun Well, and the great thing about that is just
19:55
Speaker 2: the acknowledgment for her, She's never had that. She hasn't
19:58
Speaker 2: been in a home where her parents have sat down
20:00
Speaker 2: have that conversation with her. And so while it's in
20:02
Speaker 2: some ways null and void, it, she's past those experiences.
20:07
Speaker 2: She's loving the fact that she's watching this unfold in
20:10
Speaker 2: our home and just enjoying being a part of it.
20:14
Speaker 1: We need to wrap this up. We've talked for way
20:15
Speaker 1: too long. A quick remind A Parental Guidance kicks off
20:18
Speaker 1: on Monday night, Channel nine and nine, now seven thirty.
20:23
Speaker 2: I'm stocked up on popcorn.
20:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, We're going to have a bunch of people
20:25
Speaker 1: around to our place for a parental Guidance part. Hey,
20:29
Speaker 1: I can't believe I said it like that. Oh my goodness,
20:32
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. We really hope you have a great weekend.
20:36
Speaker 1: The take our message from all of this is really
20:37
Speaker 1: just if you talk to your kids, you have great
20:39
Speaker 1: conversations if you can just make the effort be intentional
20:42
Speaker 1: about it, sit down and talk to your kids. The
20:44
Speaker 1: Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media.
20:47
Speaker 1: We get all of our admin and research support from
20:50
Speaker 1: Mim Hammond's. If you think that your family might be
20:52
Speaker 1: happier because of this podcast episode, we'd love for you
20:55
Speaker 1: to share it because it'll probably make other families happier
20:58
Speaker 1: as well. Think of a friend that you could just
20:59
Speaker 1: flick this one through to click a couple of buttons.
21:01
Speaker 1: It'll take ten or twenty seconds, pass along and help
21:05
Speaker 1: other families to be inspired and find joy and happiness
21:08
Speaker 1: and flourish. If you like more information and more resources
21:10
Speaker 1: about making your family happier, you'll find all of it
21:13
Speaker 1: at Happy families dot com dot a