Latest / Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily / Muscles & Monsters by Ashley Bennett - Protein, Pastries & Panic Attacks!

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Muscles & Monsters by Ashley Bennett - Protein, Pastries & Panic Attacks! · Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily

0:00
Hi friends, you're listening to Lose the Plot with Carla and
0:02
Emily. In this episode we're reading
0:05
Muscles and Monsters by Ashley Bennett.
0:08
We are talking about the entire book, so warning there will be
0:12
spoilers. I'm Carla and it looked like he
0:28
was trying to smuggle a can of Pringles into the competition.
0:32
I was drooling. EW.
0:35
I'm Emily and gods I sounded like a wolf's flaning know it
0:38
all meathead. Gods Trigger warnings from the
0:45
author's official website Toy play, light breeding, public
0:51
play, food play, Biting, light degradation, light spanking,
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hand necklace, Primal Play, and Daddy.
1:02
Wolf Daddy. Heavy on the daddy.
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Heavy on the wolf, Daddy, I'm. Like not OK.
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Where do we start? Honestly I was going to get a
1:10
sound effect that was a wolf howling but I forgot.
1:14
Give me your best wolf howl. No.
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How do you say? I wouldn't do it immediately
1:20
after. I love it.
1:25
Ohh I bet not. The dogs are kind of crazy.
1:28
What do we think about those triggers?
1:30
Ohh. That's.
1:31
Light breeding like light. Light.
1:34
I'm gonna call that heavy breeding.
1:37
Also. It's like interspecies breeding.
1:39
Hello. It was kind of weird when you
1:41
were thinking about him being a dog.
1:43
Girl, I wasn't. I was trying not to think about
1:46
that to be honest. It's too much.
1:48
As much as I'm really excited for spooky season, this is our
1:51
special Spooktacular episode. This is as spooky as it's
1:55
getting. This is our Halloween app.
1:58
I'm so sorry everyone. I am so sorry but also you guys
2:03
deserve it. We all deserve.
2:06
We all deserve a little bit of whatever the fuck this is.
2:09
Honestly, I don't know. I knew nothing about it.
2:11
Not a clue, not a clue. So I was, I was like, whatever.
2:14
Did you listen to the audio book?
2:15
Mm Hmm. Mm hmm.
2:18
Mm hmm. Mm.
2:19
Hmm. Wasn't it that same old man?
2:21
Just beauty in the ball? I think so.
2:25
This poor man. Or it was the plain one that we
2:29
just did. OK, maybe I'm not great with
2:31
accents, and I also always listen to it on double speed.
2:35
Yeah, so he could have been anybody and I'm just.
2:37
Look, I was listening it to on double speed too.
2:40
Uh huh. But slowed down.
2:41
It was horrible. I'll why would anyone slow?
2:45
This down there was a bit where he was like, Oh yeah.
2:48
And then I was, I went back and I was like, wait, 'cause it was
2:51
like, yeah, yeah. I was like stop maybe it sounds
2:55
normal slowed. It didn't.
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Oh, OK, that's unfortunate. Let's start with our main female
3:01
character, Teigen Teigen. Teigen.
3:04
Teigen buddy. Oddy, Oddy.
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Or teigs if you will. Teigs sweet thing, Can I just.
3:10
Say her name sounds really Australian.
3:12
I feel like I know 10 teigans. Yeah.
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Teigs. Teigs.
3:16
Hi Teigs. Teigs get out of town.
3:19
Honestly, what throw me in? Throw me in front of the cake
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fan. Take Me Out.
3:26
Did she have a cake fan? Yeah, that's what that's how we
3:30
got here. She.
3:31
Was loading her cake by herself with.
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Her own cake, obviously. Her own cake out of her cake
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shop for a wedding and she dropped it because she had a
3:41
muscle spasm. Sorry.
3:45
And then they went full heavy on the health and safety and had a
3:50
wolf man helping her. Right, so Atlas this wolf man
3:54
what, 6-7? Literally.
3:57
Fucking 810 at this point. I don't know, swoops in.
4:01
Swoops in. Saves flute from falling huge,
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apparently glutes. Quads.
4:07
The amount of time she said you could bounce a dime off that
4:09
thing was a bit much. Annoying it.
4:12
Was a bit much he was giving stripper.
4:15
I'm surprised his pants didn't RIP.
4:18
What pants do you think he was wearing like?
4:19
Stretchies always. Megings.
4:21
Megings. Eww, I didn't know that was a
4:24
word. Sorry, I'm there.
4:28
It's a business online that sells.
4:30
Megings. Why do we have to change the
4:32
name of everything? Just call them leggings.
4:34
Why do we have to man something up?
4:36
Yeah, but why are they so insecure that they have to be
4:38
roughed up a bit? It's for their dip to go in it.
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I think it's more room. It's done straight.
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OK, so you're saying it's a different item?
4:46
Yes, because you know when they say.
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Guideliner No. You've never heard Guy Liner.
4:51
I have. I'm saying no no to Guy Liner.
4:54
But that's not like a different product.
4:56
It's simply eyeliner, which is, yeah.
4:58
But this I feel like is a different product.
5:00
You know that they would just charge us 10 times more because
5:03
the pink tax. Damn where do I buy these
5:06
makings from? I'll just have a hootch and
5:09
mount my Gooch in the front. Just extra space for my snacks.
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Latex. Right.
5:16
I'll just put like a whole banana in there for later.
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I'm like. Healthy.
5:21
Snack Storage and I just saved 25%.
5:24
Off my leggings. I mean, in this Australian heat,
5:27
I don't know if the banana would last.
5:29
Yeah, she. Didn't know how to come.
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In to Banana. Bread.
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EW, I'm. Like.
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Peleta, Peleta, you're just pretty softening it.
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The yeast. I didn't think of the yeast.
5:42
I was thinking of the banana brown like to be ready to mix it
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like. You can't be all used it up with
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a banana. In there, girl.
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You think I've got a KitchenAid down there?
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I love it. I can't tell you what you got.
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Oh. Can we just say that Tigs on
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this particular morning was having what I call, I lovingly
6:10
call him Mr. Bean? Morning, God, have you ever had
6:14
a morning where everything just goes?
6:15
For every day. Oh, I am in fact, Mr. Bean.
6:20
Oh. Because I call it a Mr. Bean
6:22
Morning and I make fun of people in my life if they're having a
6:26
Mr. Bean Morning. It was like your belly.
6:28
I think it was my stomach. I'm so sorry.
6:33
It was like why is it doing that?
6:35
You're feeling ill from the. You stupid odd.
6:41
Someone's done it, someone's done.
6:43
It I'm already rubbing my eyes. You're rubbing your eyes.
6:47
Anyway, health and safe. Oh my God.
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OK, Yikes. But anyway, she explains, It's
6:53
fine that he's a wolf man because monsters came out of the
6:56
closet recently and they've integrated into human society.
7:01
They're all getting married now. They're yeah.
7:03
Right. They're all happy to fit the
7:05
heteronormative. I just don't think I would pick
7:09
one close to a dog if I was going to do it.
7:12
There's Toucan Sam over here. There's like there was someone
7:16
that's like an orc from Lord of the Rings.
7:18
Yeah. I'm like what?
7:20
What do you pick? Werewolf.
7:22
Vampire. I mean, there was a bird.
7:25
Was that a Griffin like a hippogriff from Harry Potter or
7:28
what? A bird.
7:29
Oh, a Griffin. Like I know what you mean now.
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Yeah, Fallon. Is a hippogriff from Harry
7:35
Potter like? Oh, maybe it's the same thing.
7:37
You sort of get a horse and a bird in one.
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I don't. Know.
7:42
Yeah. They've been a while.
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Centaur, Hello. That's the premium choice, yeah.
7:47
But it's a horse Dick. Oh, I was more thinking of like
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convenience of travel. Just go for a walk around the
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block, just talking about like it's fine, yeah.
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I'm a small thinking like of a pet.
8:03
I don't know if I could do the monster thing, it'd have to be
8:07
shapeshifter maybe like person turned.
8:10
Into what about like vampire then?
8:12
That's fine. Yeah, more human like.
8:15
More human, anyway. Anyway, do we categorize this as
8:21
a meet cute? Because oh.
8:24
Maybe she was crying though. Wait, which part?
8:28
When he helped her pick up the cake, really, she dropped her
8:32
cake. Didn't she invite him into the
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bakery thing to like wash his hands And the tension was
8:39
horrible. Yeah, and then she he was
8:41
watching us the entire time. Imagine swinging around and he's
8:44
just licking his fingers that he touched the ground cake with,
8:49
right? And not only that, he's got
8:51
hairy hands, yes. Wouldn't that be awkward to wash
8:54
him? Like smacking his paws together
8:56
in the sink? I'd be like.
8:58
Does that mean he smells like a wet dog when he washes his
9:01
hands? Their little Frito feet, little
9:04
corn chip feedies. Look, it's not selling.
9:07
It's not gimming, no. Also, his feet are paws.
9:09
So are they? Oh, wait, he's a werewolf.
9:12
Yeah, So are they paws or like more hands?
9:14
More hands, I mean, he was dipping fingers.
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And then she offers to give him cupcakes.
9:21
Yeah, as payment. As payment and he's like, oh
9:23
hell yeah. And he was like, I'll come down
9:25
anytime. And then they both leave without
9:27
realising. They didn't even give each other
9:30
names or details. No.
9:31
And they were both paining. Paining about.
9:35
Each other. They literally both went home to
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have a. Whack off.
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Mad whack off sesh with themselves.
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Yeah, which, calm down, he didn't.
9:45
Even go home, he did it straight in the gym.
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Bro. That wasn't nasty.
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That's the community. Area, Sir, wasn't it?
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The very next morning he did it 'cause it was his 4:00 AM
9:56
workout. He lasted a little longer than
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her. That was sick.
9:59
Sicketh. Sicketh.
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She went home, searched him and then went to town.
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And not only that, she like called her own mum for approval.
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You just met this wolf man 5 seconds ago.
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Why do you even have to call your mum?
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Did she call her mum pre wank or post?
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Wank I think it was pre. No.
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She waited for her mum to say it was OK.
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No. Wrong.
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Hi Mum, just a bit busy. Hi Mum, what do you think about
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this? No, but it was like she was
10:35
waiting for her mum to be a bigot.
10:36
Like do you not know your mother at all?
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I mean her. Brother was and also that pissed
10:42
me off later when we get to it but then she's like oh OK cool
10:47
no one cares. No one.
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Everyone was like taking you, who cares?
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We never thought you'd get coupled up.
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Just go with anybody at this point it.
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Was disgusting. So she's having a mad whack off
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and then the next morning he goes to the gym himself.
11:03
His normal routine except one of the girls that works for him is
11:07
sick so he has to fill in blah blah blah blah and he's so
11:11
bricked up. But that old guy's in there.
11:14
Yeah. And apparently they can smell
11:16
everything, so he's just in the back.
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EW, well, what happens later is even worse, so.
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Valid, valid valid. And even he goes, oh, I
11:27
understand that this is gross. Then don't do it.
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Don't do. It but then you turn it cold.
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But then he goes, but everyone else does it.
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Everyone else does it. He's like smells.
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All the time. Honestly.
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You're like, we don't actually clean the.
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Walls he the way he's like, I just threw like a couple of
11:48
handfuls of water off and on it to wash it down the wall.
11:51
Be. So for real?
11:53
For real. Also the poor cleaners that you
11:56
employ there. Oh.
11:57
My. I hope they're paid a lot of
11:58
money. Could you imagine being another
12:01
person going in there and you're just like, oh, that's what he's
12:04
doing and. He owns the place.
12:07
What kind of shower do you think he's in?
12:10
One of those really sad. It's probably.
12:11
Got a curtain? Oof, right, Like a cubicle door.
12:15
Big oof, Surely not just. A curtain.
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I feel like if he has all this money it's probably like a
12:20
proper door. Yeah, I feel like curtains not
12:23
going to be a fun time. I probably wouldn't shower
12:26
somewhere that only had a curtain if it was a unisex
12:29
bathroom. People shower unless yeah, no,
12:34
I'd be scared for my safety. I'm a jumpy bitch.
12:37
I'm a never nude, did you know that?
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Same just. Dropping.
12:41
More. Ballad, ballad.
12:43
I don't like love that. Togs in the shower.
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Togs in the shower. A moo.
12:49
Moo moo moo and togs. We.
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Have just togs. In the shower we have.
12:54
Bathroom moo and bath socks. We keep a respectful in there.
13:02
No one's seeing my ankles in the old bath.
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We're. Moving.
13:08
Down to the ankles. I love that Moo moo's flying up.
13:13
Moo moo's floating on the surface.
13:14
And it's a loose moo moo. We can't have shape.
13:18
We can't be snatched in the bath.
13:21
Honestly deplorable. We cannot be snatched in the
13:25
bath. It's.
13:26
Just times of the day that I need to not be so snatched and
13:29
it's in the bath. Us if we ever sign up for the
13:32
gym together again. Going into the communal showers.
13:35
Shower. Cap moo moo.
13:37
To the ankles shower socks I. Think my gym only has the
13:42
curtains. Oh shit.
13:49
Anyway, how big jerking is Lone Wilson in the wall?
13:54
I'm very important. OK, OK, give me a massive Dick.
13:57
Apparently, Yeah, Massive schlong.
13:59
Huge. Does that mean?
14:01
Empires take schlong Schlinging. That was me.
14:08
Trying to say Empire State Building but schlong ish.
14:12
Meat. Still better than Taylor Swift's
14:14
woods on. My star, anyway, if he's got
14:21
that much meat, is his balls full?
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Buckets. Buckets full she.
14:26
Didn't even say anything about the balls, did she?
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Well, does he have balls or just?
14:32
Not They're just so hairy you can't even tell.
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Yeah, just. Be like I just.
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I just, I feel like that's just so much little balls.
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Is there hair on his Dick? No.
14:47
No, she described being very human and I was like, very made
14:50
OK with that, honestly. Not a picture I need.
14:54
Who buys? This shit us apparently but.
14:58
Like, I'm very prudish today. Yeah, no.
15:00
But usually I'm down for all the worst things and I'm like.
15:03
You know what though? It's been so long since we
15:06
rented just a like a, just a porn.
15:08
Like, let's be for real. I'm like we've.
15:11
Read Den of Vipers. And we're worried about being a
15:13
minute, being a minute. She wasn't ready.
15:16
I was literally painting my wall and my jaw was touching the
15:19
floor. I was using a Volvo.
15:22
It was like. Ready for it to be so a mess for
15:27
so bright, I know. That's what I mean.
15:30
I was. Honestly it was so much for like
15:32
a 2 hour audio book. Yeah, we love Annabella.
15:35
This, this is all I could take. Let's be real.
15:37
I like I couldn't even handle the tail wagging and that was
15:41
pre wank. And that was supposed to be
15:45
innocent and adorable. No, no, no.
15:51
Scary. OK so the next day realising
15:57
that they didn't get each other's deeds, Tegan's like I'm
16:00
a sign up for the gym but not before like asking her mum's
16:03
permission or whoever it was she was telling about it her.
16:05
Mum was like or whatever, I don't know and.
16:08
Maybe her friend it. Was her friend.
16:10
I think so. Because, you know, we've got to
16:11
have the gay friend, the ads. That's right.
16:15
That's right. I was like some every time we
16:17
read, Not obviously the monster part, but the this type of
16:21
romance, there's always a random gay friend.
16:25
Yep, because it's. Dead mom gay friend.
16:27
Yeah, dead mom, gay friend. Yeah, because it's such a non
16:30
threat to the male league character.
16:32
That's why. Valid.
16:33
He had no personality. By the way, I forget his name.
16:36
He was just someone to say yes. Queen.
16:38
I actually have no idea, that's what I mean.
16:39
He was. So.
16:41
I I was like Deegan. And I was like, no, that's too.
16:45
Much Deegan. That's why I was like, that's
16:47
not right. It might have been with AD.
16:49
Maybe. Who knows?
16:51
Anyway, back to the program. So she goes, OK, I'm going to
16:56
sign up for the gym. So the next day he's like got
16:59
his stupid protein shake. He like embarrassingly,
17:02
practically spills it everywhere.
17:03
When she comes in to talk. He's.
17:05
Eating whatever disorder would you say disorderly?
17:11
Disordered. Disordered.
17:12
Yeah, it's weird. Sorry.
17:18
Sorry. How?
17:19
Beefy, right? Pumping protein because he even
17:23
says I have to drink and eat this much protein for the game.
17:27
Well I've already zoned out. Like if a man is talking about
17:30
how much his macros are, fucking capture the next train to the
17:33
next bitch. But then he's like, oh, I can't.
17:36
I've been cheating with this meal.
17:38
But he also didn't he say on his website his number one meal is
17:42
his cheat meal or he likes he he cheat meals or something and no.
17:45
It was like he loves going home to chicken and sweet potato or
17:48
some shit. How are you going to convince me
17:51
you're a chef and you're eating chicken and plain chicken and
17:54
sweet potato? How are you going to convince?
17:56
Me. You're a werewolf and you're
17:57
eating. Chicken.
17:58
Let's go get some real food. Go.
18:00
For a running outside my guy. Why isn't he doing the carnival
18:03
raw diet? It's made for him.
18:08
Question mark. Question mark.
18:10
You're like, is it? No, I don't know.
18:14
Is he? Pot Man.
18:15
Or not. Is he is.
18:18
It dog food or is it dog food? Can she?
18:23
Comes over. It's just.
18:25
Shove. No, it's like pedigree like.
18:28
She goes over for the dinner date and he just whips out a
18:31
can. Honestly, Vicky's on the side.
18:39
Can't have him. Soggy she goes.
18:41
Now sit, wait, wait. Such a good boy.
18:48
No. How far does the role thing go?
18:54
That'd be degrading. We don't know.
18:58
What it is, and it was what it was.
19:03
I love how they just never had to bring up the interspecies
19:07
racism essentially like the speciesism, they never really
19:11
bring it up. Probably it's just like.
19:13
I'm like, what closet did you? I don't want to know where they
19:15
come out of. Exactly how are you hiding that
19:18
you're an orc in public for so long?
19:21
Like how are you? Doing your groceries?
19:24
Like me home delivery. Just but did he have a house
19:28
before or was it? Yeah.
19:30
Oh, like before, Yeah. That's what I don't understand.
19:33
How were they in? Like whatever, There's plot
19:35
holes. And I don't enjoy.
19:37
You know what we had to keep cycling back to?
19:38
This is a porn. This is a This is a monster
19:41
porn. Sorry, sorry.
19:42
I know we get too, we get too far deep.
19:44
OK, Would you sign up for a gym? The Iron Chapel.
19:49
What? The iron.
19:52
Chapel groan, if you will. He goes, he goes.
19:56
I'm off to the iron Chapel. That's why Stop, stop.
20:01
Drop and give me 20 Hail Marys. Anyway.
20:04
I would you sign up for a monster gym knowing that you're
20:09
the only. Human.
20:10
No. Also her logic.
20:11
Stupid. Because so stupid.
20:13
She's like, I'll be the only human so they won't look at me.
20:17
That's why they're looking. Also, that is so much more
20:20
intimidating. They've got ORC.
20:22
Strength in here do. You think you're going to go to
20:25
a monster gym and be like he? No one can tell I can't use a
20:29
leg press. Bitch, they can see it from a.
20:31
Mile away. They're lifting 800 kills.
20:34
I was like, I'm sure. The Smith machine was like 1000
20:37
kilos. Also the way she was like, I
20:40
know what I'm doing. Girl.
20:42
She did not. She did not.
20:44
And it made his Dick hard. Honestly, the way that he was
20:47
trying to not stare at her all day.
20:49
I don't know about you, if I was a gym bro or in the gym and I
20:53
watched this girl flail around a Smith machine with really heavy
20:56
weights snapping her spine almost.
20:59
My Dick is probably not going to get hard but he literally goes
21:03
she's using it wrong. My Dick's so hard.
21:06
How exists how? How is that?
21:09
Cute though. It's not cute.
21:11
If that is not how the gyms are. Also, he's a full beefcake.
21:16
She's a big lass. You know what I don't like about
21:19
a story about a big lass is that they have the inbuilt extreme
21:24
self esteem issues. She felt bad about telling her
21:27
that she wanted a size large tank top.
21:30
Sometimes I just don't want to hear it.
21:33
I know other people do, but. I don't do a fuck.
21:38
Get to the fucking. Isn't it supposed to?
21:41
Be. Relatable.
21:42
It's relatable to buy a. Bigger size to be like oversized
21:46
look honestly. Why just not?
21:49
To be a woman, What is he? She's got titties.
21:52
There's no reliable size in women's wear anyway.
21:54
No, you could be a size extra small in one thing.
21:56
In a fucking what's? Medium monster size.
22:00
Exactly bitch it's probably like as big as a house.
22:04
I'd be like, oh, can I have the? Extra extra extra extra extra.
22:07
Small, petite, just so small. He's like, I'm going to have to
22:14
get that lodge delivered to your house in a van like UPS will
22:17
drop it off tomorrow, like. He's like, sorry, I keep these
22:21
ones in the truck out back. In the fucking.
22:24
He's like, mind you, it takes two people to fold.
22:27
Just like, wait a second, wasn't.
22:31
He like I wear a large tube stop.
22:33
No, I don't know. Don't he dare have more.
22:39
Would you dare stress anyone? I was so stressed for a second.
22:46
He's like actually I wear an extra small.
22:50
I like to keep my pecs in toy he's.
22:55
Like, OK Mama, he goes. OK, big Mama, she says she wants
23:01
a watch. So obviously if I went to the
23:06
gym. And I'm sorry, I'd probably say
23:08
something like that and really offensive on OK Mama.
23:13
He's like, I like the neon. He like Suavely just skipped
23:17
right? Over by that Big Mama side.
23:20
She's like, I want to lodge. He was like, not in these sides.
23:26
And then he was. Out this itty bitty.
23:28
Tank top. Oh my God.
23:30
And then so he's helping her with the workout because she's
23:33
going to snap her whole back. I like how he was like, oh, the
23:36
front spot's better for this. I don't think it is for the
23:41
Smith machine. Also, she hard, she had one
23:44
demonstration and then she knocked it out of the park,
23:46
right? People, I was like weights on 0.
23:50
I literally when he said it, I was like, oh is she a liar She
23:54
was flailing around for. I think he just wanted to see
23:58
her ass doing that motion. Oh, fair.
24:00
The straight up and down. I don't know why you'd want
24:02
that. Like a front squat, front squat,
24:06
yuck, yuck. I'm not watching that shit.
24:10
So anyway, he's double bricked up.
24:11
He. Pretty much.
24:13
Sells her the platinum package or whatever the yuck.
24:19
And then he says, OK, meet you here tomorrow, 4:00 AM gully.
24:23
He goes, I'm going to take you there, babe, he said.
24:26
I'm going to tighten up that bod.
24:27
He's like, I'm here all day from 4:00 AM till 10:00 PM at night,
24:32
but you need to be here at the crack ass.
24:35
Yeah, crack ass. Emphasis on the crack.
24:39
And so you could tell she didn't want to do that.
24:43
No, she's probably opening the bakery at like 9:00.
24:47
Yeah, imagine asking someone to get up five hours earlier.
24:50
The next day she was like, I've got to run to put stuff in the
24:52
oven. Oh.
24:54
They would bake before. OK, well, she says.
24:56
I'm not that kind of Baker. That gets up at 4:00.
24:59
Pick a lying bitch. Again.
25:03
How long are you at the gym? For porn, we're.
25:06
Thinking about this. Too much again.
25:09
She immediately went home from the gym and finger blasted
25:12
herself again. Honestly, honestly, great
25:15
detail. She was like, I can't wait for
25:17
him to put them in my mouth. I don't know if I would want
25:20
that. I don't know.
25:24
I've got the hair in my mouth. But she was full pick me like
25:29
I'm like Guyana. But they both didn't know at
25:32
this point if they liked each other.
25:33
But then Dun Dun, Dun, they got each other's mobile numbers.
25:37
This was the beginning of the end for me.
25:38
I was like. Flirting or writing?
25:39
Off. Flirting already?
25:41
You know my #1 pet peeve. Except for unnecessary balls.
25:44
Now is text messages back and. Forward with emerge.
25:49
Changes with emerge. This was.
25:50
So much worse. I've got a quote.
25:52
Wait, this is for later on when there's more feelings but still
25:55
the sentiment is the same. Atlas.
25:58
Hi baby. That was with multiple eyes by
26:01
the way, miss you. Heart eye emoji, kiss face
26:04
emoji, Princess emoji, 2 hearts emoji, wolf emoji.
26:10
The fact that I had to listen to this on audiobook.
26:15
That's the scariest thing that's going to happen.
26:17
To me, all Halloween and it didn't.
26:21
Start, it just kept going though, it was like 1 chapter or
26:25
something of texts like that. It read like people trying to
26:29
learn how to flirt for the first time on chat.
26:32
You know how people think they're so fucking funny, Which
26:34
is probably me. But then playing that out, text
26:37
messages like the cheesy back and forth, like like trying to
26:40
make everything into it. It was foul.
26:49
I was like, someone take away their phone, please.
26:53
Someone disconnect their 5G, they don't deserve it.
26:56
Snap the SIM, call the police and snap the SIM.
27:02
Communicado, we just take away all of their comms.
27:05
I can't do it anymore I. Can't do it anymore.
27:07
I can't do it anymore honestly. Sometimes I love reading like
27:10
text phantom. In this case I did not.
27:13
It was so bad. It was bad.
27:15
They were very high school, but I don't even think high school
27:19
kids would do this. Absolutely not, they're like
27:21
that. Hard pressed for what?
27:22
Why are they so horny? I was like, high school kids are
27:25
cooler than this. I was like, I was so sorry if
27:29
you were in high school. The way that your eyes were just
27:32
darting around like I. Was like wait wait wait.
27:35
I didn't mean. It tragic.
27:38
Here, there what? You know how they were.
27:42
Working out together. And they were figuring out that
27:44
they liked each other. It was the first session next.
27:47
Day but just wondering like if it was you for real, for real,
27:51
would you ever want to get booed up at the gym because it's
27:54
giving foot stank an armpit? If I'm getting booed up at the
27:58
gym, right, it has to be like a long con con, kind of long con,
28:03
a long con. Like it's not, it's not.
28:06
It's not the next day I want attention for at least three.
28:09
Weeks. I'm like, why are you trying to
28:11
get Tinder Swindled in here? No, no.
28:14
I want I want three weeks at least.
28:17
Work OK, like yeah, like build up yeah, yeah, literally.
28:22
Not the next day you've known each other for. 2 minutes.
28:24
You know what this is called? Classic anxious attachment.
28:27
Both of them. They're disgusting, diagnosed.
28:30
I'm like the way they both got ready.
28:32
He got ready for the gym. I don't know why we were going
28:35
to skip past this. He was getting ready for the gym
28:38
and he was like tucking his Dick into the waistband of his pants.
28:42
And he goes, oh, models use bread in their pants to hide
28:46
their penis. What?
28:47
And he goes only. Two slices or a whole tortilla.
28:50
Shut up. Who uses bread?
28:52
Who uses bread? What does he mean?
28:55
Why would you add more volume to?
28:58
Cuffy stick. This circles back to the banana.
29:00
Bread. Is it because he's struggling?
29:04
All the things to bring you. Pants.
29:07
Why a food? Product Are you avoiding the
29:10
nappy, Sir? Obviously, what do we, what do
29:13
we do with this information also?
29:15
You shouldn't be coming that much in your pants.
29:19
It's called a sock, Sir. I don't know, 100% cotton
29:25
absorbent fucking. Grow the fuck up anyway.
29:31
OK. Take it to your stomach at this
29:33
point. I know she's going back in real
29:35
life. Like.
29:36
Before their official 4:00 AM proper gym sesh.
29:40
Rompa stomp, Yeah. She just sends him a selfie
29:43
like, oh, here's me and my size, extra, extra, extra large tank
29:46
top. And then he's like, oh, I have
29:49
to run and get a cap to put my hair under it, send her a
29:53
selfie. And then he sent it.
29:54
And then he goes, Oh no, now she's going to think I'm a bro.
29:57
But he was wearing like neon green pants and a purple cap.
30:00
Also he was wearing hair cap because his hair was fucking
30:03
matted. Yuck but also why did he Sprint
30:07
to the motherfucking gym like. Relax.
30:10
He needed to. He was.
30:11
Like. OK, he was like horny because he
30:14
was like, OK, hear me out. He was horny.
30:16
This is where it doesn't make sense for me.
30:18
Shits tits out. Oh, it's not even tits out.
30:21
It's the sliver of the stomach out, right?
30:24
And he's like, oh, I've got to run to the gym to get it out of
30:27
my system, but he's like, I'm gonna run with my thoughts
30:30
because music will keep me out of my thoughts.
30:32
Are you not trying to get rid of the bonus?
30:35
Uh, why do you wanna run with the picture of her in your head?
30:39
That's not sleeping. I could never run and think at
30:41
the same time. And I run to baby shark or
30:44
something that will get rid of it real quick.
30:46
You'd hope. Like why is me?
30:50
On running with a boner. Like nothing could be as.
30:52
Important as getting there on time.
30:54
Just whack one out in the shower at home.
30:56
Or drive bitch. Drive with your boner, take it
31:01
with you. No problem solving skills.
31:05
I'm like whack one out just. Knew that the boner was going to
31:08
stay there, so he just gave up. Waistband and bread, apparently.
31:12
I don't know. Anyway, she's there, hanging
31:15
over the bench, are swaying. Of course, of course.
31:18
Smart girl, his tails wagging. He's like when she was signing
31:23
up for the gym, his tails wagging so much he knocked over
31:26
his protein sheet. Terrible.
31:28
And she's sitting there going. I don't even know if he sees me.
31:32
Excuse me? Dock your tail.
31:34
Dock it, bitch. This is the bit where I was
31:37
painting my wall and I was shooketh because like what
31:41
happened here? Which part?
31:42
The sucking the Dick, yes. Like they.
31:44
Were. Just like out in the.
31:46
Open OK, so she was doing something and he was like oh
31:50
help. And she was rubbing us on Dick
31:53
obviously, as you do. And he was like I'm going to be
31:56
professional and he's like I'm so sorry like oh that shouldn't
31:58
happen. And she was straight into making
32:01
out with him. Which?
32:03
She's like, I like you. I don't understand how they
32:06
kiss. She was like, it was easy.
32:11
How now I'm like, is it easy? I can either pitch a a dog snout
32:18
or I can pitch a human lips on a dog snout.
32:22
That's terrifying because the lips, like, cover the edges.
32:26
He's got those big bad teeth. And like, I don't know if he's
32:29
flossing, he's barely brushing his hair.
32:31
He's not flossing girl, there's no way.
32:34
But I don't know. What he's doing, is he munching
32:36
on his own ass. That's a real valid question.
32:40
Valid. Is he licking his own?
32:42
Hole I. Think so.
32:44
Pippy. Pippy.
32:47
Does he have a shower or is he licking the whole body?
32:50
He's not a cat. Oh, sorry, I forgot.
32:52
So I feel like he has to have a shower but he had matted hair so
32:55
he doesn't comb it. His hygiene is horrible.
32:58
And I reckon he's got skitties in his butt fur.
33:01
Little dangle dangle. Dangle Berry because like Mel
33:05
mad at dangle. Baby, he was a straight.
33:07
Male werewolf. He's not wiping his asshole.
33:11
Or he's so rich he's getting it trimmed out of the groomers.
33:16
Whoa, he's getting it back. Sack and whack.
33:18
Crack. He's getting the asshole
33:20
bleached. He's.
33:22
Just got a bleach streak. It is dark grey fur so I just
33:29
wait to get to the whole extra. Fashion skunk ass.
33:35
These are things nobody should ever have to think about in
33:38
their lifetime. The extra attention and detail
33:43
given about his pre calm tasting sweet was not something I needed
33:47
when I was painting my wall. So he was like, man tastes
33:50
disgusting. Right.
33:52
She was like, I don't want this sightiness.
33:54
I don't understand. What she was trying to say.
33:57
Anything I feel at this point I was spiraling.
34:00
No, I feel like the sugariness would be disturbing.
34:03
I'm sorry. Everything like.
34:04
You got diabetes. You.
34:06
Guys like what is going on honestly?
34:09
He must have if he's eating chicken and potato and it's
34:12
sweet. Why?
34:13
I don't know, so big, I don't know.
34:15
He's 6-7. Like hello.
34:17
But then if it's big on a 6-7, it's got to be fucking massive.
34:20
And who just looks at that and thinks hell?
34:23
Yeah, and she takes the whole thing.
34:25
She takes it. It's.
34:26
Not even just I'm the tip only. In the immediate pick me girl
34:31
fashion too, because he hasn't done a single thing for her and
34:36
she's out here deep throating his.
34:38
Ding. Dong.
34:39
Why are you going straight into that?
34:40
Why, you don't even know. You don't even know you.
34:44
Don't know each other's middle names.
34:46
You don't even know if he eats dog food at this point.
34:50
Exactly. I was like, we haven't even got
34:54
to dinner. Would that be a deal breaker?
34:58
Yes. Could you imagine dog food
34:59
breath? Exactly.
35:03
Exactly. I feel like his breast stinks
35:05
anyway. Valid.
35:06
Apparently he always smells nice.
35:11
The Mets say otherwise. I feel like sometimes girls just
35:14
have high tolerance with stinky men because there's no way.
35:16
No way. Some men you meet out in the
35:18
wild and you're like, there's no way they have a girlfriend and
35:20
then their girlfriend looks like a totally normal person and they
35:23
stink just. Like 2025 everyone like hell
35:28
after sucking Dick, she's like, oh, I got to put cakes in the
35:31
oven. This is when she was putting the
35:33
cakes in the oven. They haven't had a conversation.
35:35
She sucked Dick cakes in the oven.
35:37
She's walking to the bakery and she goes he looks like he's eats
35:40
Kitty good. I'm like stop it.
35:43
Yeah, when was that ever he? Demonstrated he looks like the
35:46
type to eat Kitty. Oh well, he looks like the type
35:50
to whack one out in a community shower.
35:52
Actually like. Also.
35:54
Maybe don't give him head until you figure that out, I don't
35:57
know. Had dinner first.
35:59
I'm not judging like day-to-day people.
36:03
I'm judging her particularly. Whoa.
36:06
If you want to do that, go for gold, go for gold.
36:08
Girl, I don't know. I only wouldn't because it's
36:10
fucking massive. I do you.
36:13
Got the whole lost job. But I wouldn't do it in a gym.
36:16
That's what I mean. It's so.
36:17
Funny time you've got the fur going on. 6-7 Dick.
36:22
I'm not, That's a new experience.
36:25
You can't see the balls because he's got shit around this
36:28
asshole. Yeah, smelling stank down there.
36:31
Did Jimmy you get like worms and shit off?
36:34
Ring worm. Ring worm on the bench.
36:36
You do, but you do in a like human gym.
36:38
I can't imagine theirs I. Know also security cameras are
36:43
watching everything you're doing.
36:44
Yes, his friend conveniently was also in the gym at this time.
36:49
But also the other friend watched the security footage
36:52
back later and was like oh who's that girl And he got so mad.
36:55
Bro you were getting your Dick sucked in public.
36:59
Own it. You could have been like, let's
37:01
do it later. Right.
37:03
Or let's take this to the communal shower.
37:05
Where we've all whacked off in here.
37:07
Apparently you might get pregnant, we just don't know by
37:09
who. That's not how that works.
37:14
My leggings are still on. Was it the next day at work?
37:20
She was making her assistant read their weird sex.
37:23
Or at least it was building up to their proper first date.
37:25
How embarrassing. That's sexual harassment at that
37:28
point. Yeah, that's when she was like a
37:29
prawn scampi. And also needing your random Co
37:33
worker to come up with every response is pathetic.
37:36
Yeah, grow up. Honestly like get a personality.
37:40
Tell him what? Tell the wolf.
37:41
Man, what? You're old.
37:42
Tell him. Tell.
37:45
Him. What the fuck?
37:49
What's he going to do? Yeah, How about it?
37:54
And then on his side he was like, Oh no, what am I going to
37:57
do? I already invited her to come
37:59
over and now I realized I'm a millionaire shut.
38:02
Up who has that problem? Like she's going to look at me
38:07
differently. And then the friend was like,
38:10
oh, what if she's a gold digger? Bitch so she should Dick in
38:15
public. So she should, but also she
38:17
already knew he owned the gym. In this economy.
38:19
So you'd assume unless he was in major debt that he at least has
38:24
some money going on. But anyway, the reason like he
38:28
kept being extra about his mansion, is that his
38:31
ex-girlfriend helped pick the mansion and he's just too above
38:35
it all and humble. And he just wants to live in a
38:38
shock. He literally calls her.
38:41
Oh no, he calls her she who shall not be named.
38:45
Oh my God, the way he's I know she was shit ex but the way he
38:48
was speaking I don't. Know sorry for Jade having
38:52
standards of living. Exactly.
38:56
Honestly, in my mind, Jade's not even the villain.
38:58
She's not iconic. She's iconic, she told him.
39:03
He had man boots. I wore him down a little bit.
39:07
You know the implants, but. Anyway, he's like, oh, where was
39:12
me? And then when?
39:13
She pulls up this nice house, she.
39:15
Pulls up to his house and he tells the worker who does the
39:20
What's it called because it's a gated community.
39:23
He does the security gate and then he's like what is this?
39:26
I'm a werewolf and I need to live in a gated community.
39:30
Why didn't you ever think about that until now, Hun?
39:33
Or so pitchforks. Right I'm.
39:37
Like maybe you should live in a gate.
39:38
Maybe you should. Maybe you'll get haunted.
39:42
But also he's like, I'm just too manly and strong to be living
39:46
behind a wall. Well then.
39:47
Fuck off. You.
39:50
Me. No neighbor.
39:52
Oh my, he's so manly and strong but also he knocked over his
39:56
protein in shape. Me listening from the next
39:59
balcony over as this neighbor fuck off then you wolf guy.
40:04
Yeah, real. Big, civilized.
40:08
Didn't want your tope? Around here anyway, you fucking
40:10
weirdo. Just.
40:13
A huge bigot. I'm sick of you hell and at
40:16
night and you're prowling the streets.
40:23
Put your asshole away. I'm.
40:25
Just kissing you munch your asshole through the window
40:28
binoculars. Anyway, that's the only time he
40:33
realizes that she pulls up at the house.
40:35
Their plan was to have dinner. She's wearing a sun dress.
40:38
Oh my God, I have to ravage her with my.
40:40
Dick. And all she could think about
40:42
was like, him eating her out because that's like assumed what
40:46
was going to happen that night. I mean, she rolled up with
40:50
icing. Just icing.
40:55
You're a fucking Baker, bitch. At least get creative, right?
40:59
Make a doughnut hole. Just one hole to the couch.
41:05
Just one hole. Make a couple.
41:10
Alien egg, that shit, He's got tongue.
41:15
He's got tongue. And I'm thinking about it from.
41:17
Him and it's also like one of his tongues like sandpaper and
41:21
just rubs your whole clit off Bye.
41:27
She's built different. Honestly, it's what she needs to
41:30
calm her sex drive down. Just a bit of desensitization.
41:33
She's ever had sex. On the clitty.
41:35
Didn't she have an abusive ex-boyfriend?
41:37
Conveniently? I don't know.
41:38
Who called her fat or something like what?
41:41
I thought that was just him. Wait, what?
41:43
Because remember, he was like, she was like, oh, I'm going to
41:46
fix you and yourself a scheme. Oh, that's right, she's body
41:50
positive. The tea.
41:52
I thought she had a bad X. No.
41:53
Oh, she's just. Maybe.
41:55
I don't know, there's just too much going on to think about an
41:57
X. If I'm honest, she was a loosely
42:00
virgin who can't drive. Fine.
42:01
We're talking about the doughnut holes and you think I'm
42:04
thinking. About the XI thought they both
42:06
had X's that called them fat. No, I think he just did.
42:09
It was on his website. It was in his fire.
42:14
Why would you? I'm traumatized.
42:17
Why would you put that on your website?
42:20
Can we? I was trying to see what
42:22
horrible partner up to so before they've even had sex probably.
42:26
Like they both knew they were going to smash.
42:28
I forget what they had for dinner.
42:30
He pulled through with the scamp.
42:33
The scamp in the kitchen and. Then they had to talk about
42:37
birth control. Oh.
42:39
Shut up, I. Don't know.
42:41
I was I Seriously. This one makes sense for birth
42:45
control like. You know, also makes less sense
42:48
to me because it's a fantasy. It's a porn.
42:52
I wasn't pretending this was realistic.
42:54
No she if she can get pregnant by your sperm.
42:59
Literally. Didn't he say he googled it?
43:01
How would that be available on Google?
43:04
Google's doing some weird things.
43:06
Have you noticed that every time you Google it already gives you
43:08
an AI answer? Yes, I didn't sign up for this
43:11
shit. Leave me alone.
43:12
Let me look up my let. Me have to search for it for an
43:15
hour. Hello.
43:17
Hello. Like the good old days.
43:20
Make me. Work for it at.
43:21
Least. Right.
43:23
Anyway, apparently sperm too strong for chemicals, too
43:27
strong, too strong for the pill, too strong.
43:30
Only IUD works and he was like I can't wait to take it out shut
43:35
up that's foul. I know it's for the breeder kink
43:38
thing but. And it was for the oh we don't
43:41
have to use condoms kink vibe. I was like, oh great.
43:44
Get up, you're already raw dogging it.
43:46
That's what I mean. I'm like, nothing fits Wolf.
43:50
Nothing fits anyway. Apparently it all fits OK.
43:53
Side note for little fitting the not situation he doesn't put it
43:57
in because he's stressed, right? Where does it go?
44:00
Where does it go? Sucked into the non existent
44:04
balls? Well then.
44:08
I was like, that wasn't me. Like why are they always because
44:11
it was in bride as well Bride. Oh yeah.
44:13
And why are they confused? Women can push out babies and
44:18
you think a knot's going to going to fit inside?
44:21
I thought the scary part was that you'd be stuck like that.
44:25
I don't know if they were stuck like that.
44:27
They never were stuck like that, but I thought that was what the
44:30
worry was supposed to be about. Maybe that's because we read
44:32
Bride if a knot was this big, a Yeti.
44:36
If the Dick is that big. In the 1st place.
44:38
Oh, would it be? That's well, she was.
44:40
Acting like he was fucking huge because remember how much?
44:44
Remember how excited he was when she could even suck on it?
44:48
Shut up. It's.
44:51
Not you How? Was his ex sucking on it or
44:54
munching it? When?
44:55
She has a fucking dog mouth. He would just get.
44:58
Maybe. Just up licking the sides.
45:05
Tongue. Honestly.
45:07
Window. Anyway, they finally fuck.
45:11
He trips over his megings, trips Megings, and then they just have
45:19
a little giggle and then they say all these things I don't
45:22
want to ever repeat. Terrible.
45:24
Baby, I never want to hear that again.
45:26
I thought other books were worse, but it's worse when it's
45:29
180 pages and they fucking pack it in there.
45:33
It was instant. Sweet thing.
45:36
And he was already deciding that they were like soul mates or
45:39
whatever the fuck. Mates.
45:40
Yeah, mates. I'm like all I.
45:42
Could think of every time he said sweet thing was like the
45:45
sweet life of Zack and Cody. Discussed.
45:49
In but it's on my shit list now. Bang.
45:53
And then instantly pretty much after they bang, of course the
45:55
insufferable text messaging and that's like continues.
45:59
They are stressed to thinking about even just going to work
46:01
without each other. Relax.
46:04
You work like across the street from each other.
46:07
You're walking distance. He's rich.
46:10
Work it out. Typical pygmy she is.
46:13
She's never had sex like that ever in her life.
46:17
She probably has one. She's a virgin.
46:23
Clock. Anyway, anyway.
46:28
She's never felt that before. Never.
46:31
Been good. It's a huge Dick, babes, you
46:34
can't feel shit. Except so bad.
46:38
Yeah, you just got annihilated. Hoe.
46:40
It's a fire hole. But not only, not only that,
46:44
he's like, now we're going to have to woo down because the
46:47
full moon's coming up and there's a whole thing to it,
46:51
babes, but I'm not going to tell you.
46:52
About it because you know Jade strolled in like how are you
46:56
going to deal with that? She's.
46:57
French. You think you're going to fuck
47:02
him? Honestly.
47:03
OK, so honestly. And it was long impact.
47:07
So the next time they're at the gym, they're surrounded by all
47:10
the friends and trying to do their little workout.
47:13
And then the Griffin guy or two, Ken, Sam or whatever runs up.
47:16
And it's like, I tried to stop her, but I couldn't.
47:19
I couldn't stop her. And then so Jade like strolls in
47:23
and was pretty much like, hi, Atlas.
47:25
I was here to offer to fuck you on the full moon.
47:28
But apparently you've got this chick.
47:31
He's got this human, this human chick.
47:34
Why call it rotting? I don't know.
47:38
Me No, no, Me no. No.
47:40
Me. No not.
47:40
Me no care me. No, no, no, right.
47:43
Who knows anymore? We know.
47:45
Who knows? Honestly, if I was her, that's
47:50
how I'd act in front of this jade chick.
47:52
Me. No, no, me.
47:54
How I get in here? Sky.
47:56
Blue. Monster gym Me human me not
48:00
supposed to be here. Dick huge.
48:02
A huge Dick. I just followed the Dick in
48:07
here. She just followed the.
48:08
Wiffy smell. Don't know why I'm here got
48:12
lost. It was so funny though because
48:14
Atlas like coward like a little baby and was like.
48:18
And I was. Like.
48:22
She was like. After after she's OK, there's.
48:25
I've got so many points for this.
48:27
Sorry. One thing I hate in books is
48:30
when they're meek, meek women. I love that for you.
48:33
They'll come out of nowhere as like a full powerhouse out of
48:37
fucking nowhere. They do it in fantasy books
48:39
where they're like, oh, I can't do anything.
48:42
And then and then all of a sudden they're running the world
48:46
and it makes no sense. Like there's no.
48:48
Get to there, you know what happens?
48:49
What the ultimate pygmy engages and it's like Sailor Moon come
48:58
in and suddenly there's the motivation to be the ultimate
49:01
pick me because as soon as the Jade chick says, she swoops in
49:05
and goes, you treated Atlas badly and he deserves to be
49:09
loved. And I'll be like OK bitch, I'm
49:13
feeling Wacker. I have a prior will.
49:15
Baby. Have.
49:18
Fun not being able to take. That.
49:20
Dick on the full moon. I'm like.
49:22
Maybe he should go sit down and drink his protein Milky.
49:26
That one on the floor. Look it up, bitch.
49:29
He whacked over when I walked in.
49:36
That just to mature it. But she thought she shot Jade so
49:41
far down when? And then she was like, I just
49:46
seen her bling you shut. Up.
49:50
He should be. Bullied more at this point.
49:52
He's. Dripping pre cum every two
49:55
seconds and. Also, why does he bully his own
49:58
friend who can sing all the time?
50:00
Oh, it's fine to pin that man against the wall and growl on
50:03
his face. Wait, which man?
50:05
The bird. The bird man, True, the bird
50:11
treats him like shit. I don't know how they're
50:15
friends. Me either.
50:17
Also, it's not our fault he has more personality than you.
50:20
I wouldn't read about the bird any day of the week.
50:22
He sounds funny. Exactly, but then Atlas just
50:25
picks and chooses who he's a Dick to but then like who he
50:28
isn't but he thinks he's so nice.
50:31
Shut. Up such a chill.
50:32
Sorry, I've said shut up so many times.
50:35
But he's just such a chill dude. So anyway, Jade storms out.
50:39
Like OK. Yeah.
50:42
And then like oh oh the bit that made me lol.
50:46
So much so. Tegan talks about her cottage in
50:49
the woods of. Course, of course.
50:51
Because it's giving Little Red Riding Hood.
50:53
In the dud dilapidated dilapidated.
50:55
And then he's just like, I could totally help you renovate
50:59
everything. Shut up.
51:00
I don't want to think about them walking down the aisle in
51:02
Bunnings with their little trolley and their little
51:06
Chihuahua. No little cute little Bunny
51:09
snag. Oh no.
51:11
EW, EW. He's.
51:13
Got a, he's got like a cap on and they're just trying to look
51:15
at what are they looking at? They're looking at the.
51:20
Cap on, he's got the flu. Orange.
51:22
They're just picking out bits and bobs for their home.
51:25
Renaults like stop it, stop, you're not one of us, Stop at
51:30
home, can't wait to fix your cottage and we'll both live here
51:33
because it's so humble. He's like my dad owned a
51:36
hardware store. I thought you lived in the woods
51:39
previously, right? I thought you lived on the
51:41
streets. You can't tell me that he
51:45
doesn't want to live in the forest because then every full
51:47
moon he gets to go buck wild. He loves.
51:51
It he puts the paint on and everything.
51:53
Because what was he doing in the city?
51:55
Running around like a crazy person in the gated community?
51:59
He. Fucks me.
52:00
Every full moon. What was he and Jade up to?
52:02
Oh. Were they just fucking in the
52:04
backyard? No wonder their neighbors hate
52:07
them. So tame.
52:10
Considering like full moon, you go buck wild.
52:12
Also getting to buck wild in the woods but yeah they finally set
52:17
up the buck wild in the woods under the moon.
52:20
Why did he need 2 monsters on a? Why it?
52:23
Was a what? A personal security detail?
52:27
But you know what? You know what?
52:29
It was bare minimum. Off the back of treating his
52:31
friends like ass, right? Mm hmm.
52:33
He comes up to them and is like, hey, would you guys mind
52:36
supervising our bang fest? I just don't want to hurt her.
52:39
Hurt her how? I've seen scarier shit in
52:42
Dunavipers. Any other book I've seen scarier
52:46
things? She has no self preservation.
52:49
OK, so he sat her down for a fuller serious conversation only
52:52
after Jade admitted it. Right.
52:54
He sat her down and said look, the full moon is something
52:57
different. We call it rutting.
53:01
We run around like a burger. We've run around.
53:05
Actually. In really long white dresses
53:08
around a fire, right? No, he's.
53:11
Apparently headdresses naked. He's butt naked, yellow jacket
53:15
style and. Not only because she got banged
53:19
the other time at the house, right?
53:20
She got banged. That was him being super assed.
53:24
OK? He's saying like, yeah, go, this
53:27
is gonna hurt. It's gonna get hectic and.
53:29
She. Doesn't give a fuck.
53:32
Like a blenet rate? Me.
53:34
Fucking tear. Me and.
53:37
You know what? Respect.
53:40
We love it. Yeah.
53:40
She doesn't care. She doesn't wanna.
53:42
Be with us anymore. If anything, she was annoyed she
53:45
had to wait so long. She had a death wish and you
53:48
can't convince me otherwise. But it was for nothing.
53:51
She wanted that dig to go through her and come out her
53:53
mouth. She was.
53:54
Like it did. She was.
53:57
Like entail me and I don't even know what to do with that energy
54:01
like is that suicidal? Is that ultimate pick me loves
54:05
her man Is that. What is that?
54:08
We never know. Is it the mate bond?
54:14
Disgusting. If you were the friends, would
54:16
you agree to do that? Probably.
54:18
You're waiting around until you hear the safe.
54:20
Word. I'm like, they're weird anyway.
54:22
You have to hear them cheeks mad.
54:25
Clapping. I don't even think they were
54:26
clapping. Like.
54:30
Everything else seemed more hectic.
54:32
The whacking it out seemed more hectic than this.
54:35
I think it was part of the. The little running.
54:37
Chasing her down. I think girl, I've read just
54:41
more hectic books. Well also she admits she hates
54:44
and doesn't do cardio. That run would have lasted 2
54:47
seconds. Or so keep in mind, early that
54:49
morning they were preparing for that for the gym.
54:52
She was on the stepper. I'm not walking after that,
54:56
running especially. Sitting.
54:58
Never done it before. And then she was like, oh, I
55:00
don't want to do that. And he was like, well, how are
55:02
you supposed to run away from me?
55:03
She's not going anywhere. Her legs are Jelly.
55:05
Exactly I. Was like that.
55:07
Who's doing 5 minutes of that and not wanting to die?
55:10
What kind of trainer is he? He obviously is a fake bitch
55:15
because he doesn't know what's going on.
55:17
I forgot to mention before, I don't know if it was like before
55:21
the sex proper or before the rut thing.
55:24
That's when the brother popped in.
55:26
Oh yes, and he just pulled up one day.
55:28
Out of nowhere. To be a bigot and then left.
55:31
He was like, I'm just going to be racist as far and just head
55:35
on out and she was like, get over it.
55:37
And then that was it. There was no actual challenges.
55:40
Extra. 50 pages. Girl make.
55:42
Something challenging because also Jay just walked out of the
55:45
gym and they're like oh sorry, she came in.
55:47
He should have at least thought about it or something.
55:50
Like what? There was no.
55:52
Challenge. It feels like it was like 3
55:54
days. It was, yeah.
55:56
Like I feel like it was except for the lead up to.
55:59
Also the mating in itself when he was like, if I bite you,
56:03
we're stuck together. Forever Do you love how in these
56:06
kind of books, when it's insta love, they forget about their
56:08
life, hobbies, friends, family, life aspirations like we never
56:13
hear about the bakery ever again.
56:15
No. And then they're just
56:16
conveniently like, after this rotting thing that she survived,
56:21
they're mates forever. Blah blah blah.
56:24
And then like just all the typical love bombing.
56:25
Yeah, it. Was pretty much wrapped up right
56:28
after. Imagine just choosing this guy
56:32
just because I feel like it didn't even matter like her
56:35
personality. He was like and he.
56:37
Just got tits and ass. Creamy, sticky.
56:40
And that was enough. Strawberry hair.
56:42
That was enough. He was just like, Yup, at least
56:44
like her for some part of her. Terrace.
56:50
It was a single bearing. Frame, you know, when
56:52
something's just so shallow. Yeah, you're just like, cool.
56:56
Oh, there was even the bit. And I can't believe I forgot to
56:59
mention it. He was thinking about this was
57:01
leading up to their date when they were going to have sex.
57:03
Yeah. And he was already, like,
57:05
thinking he so loves her. Pretty much.
57:07
And he was like, oh, maybe I'm going to ask her if she'd want
57:11
to try anal. And then he was thinking to
57:14
himself, he goes, is that what the kids are doing nowadays?
57:18
I remember that. And then she, he said something
57:20
like, I couldn't find the quote because obviously I had an audio
57:23
book and I was not going back to find it.
57:25
But he said to himself, if she wanted to, I'd be down to clown.
57:29
I do remember. And I was like, I really wanted
57:32
to turn it. Off down to clown me out please.
57:37
I. Honestly on my clown car out.
57:41
Please, that was almost enough for me.
57:43
I had to like put. The tail wagging in the 1st
57:46
chapter was enough for me. Take Me Out.
57:49
I don't. Know whether I'm not into the
57:54
wolf monster thing or if it was because it was too dog related?
57:59
Like the tail wagging and stuff? Yeah, and and the great detail
58:03
about his snout. So do you think if he
58:05
transformed into a wolf? It'd be different.
58:07
For the end bit maybe, but then was a man.
58:10
The other times it would be a lot more hotter.
58:12
Or even just like, you know, in like Harry Potter where they're
58:15
awkward, ugly. No, that's not better.
58:19
It's not better. It's not better.
58:20
Don't worry. Take it away.
58:21
Take it up worse. Take a place for.
58:23
Me. It's like.
58:25
You don't pretty go open. Yeah.
58:27
I was like, I actually started picturing him.
58:29
I was like. No, no.
58:33
And why were the teachers in Harry Potter supposed to be in
58:35
their 30s? And then they were like a. 100
58:37
by the time they were in the movie.
58:38
Oh. My God, like they robbed us of a
58:41
hot Professor Lupin. Why?
58:43
How did that help? Anybody just go for the TikTok
58:46
versions? It's only one similar.
58:47
See, I don't even really. The Marauders map.
58:50
Really drummed us Harry Potter. My last note was so these poor
58:54
friends had to casually run around listening to Tegan
58:57
getting her clamp slammed into another dimension and be OK
59:02
mentally. And then they just went home.
59:04
I don't. Know.
59:05
Like when do? You go home at that point.
59:07
Like when do you decide is the? Full moon would last all night.
59:10
They're laying there, he's covered in debris.
59:16
She's like it's. So cute that he's covered in
59:18
dear shit. Shut up.
59:20
And then he was just like, they've gone now.
59:22
How do you know and balance people?
59:25
Is the second that he, like buses, load the end of the full
59:29
moon or not? Yeah, that's.
59:31
Convenient. They're like, oh, he's come.
59:34
What? Kale's like it's time to wrap it
59:37
up. Honestly.
59:38
He's like, I actually had plans for tonight.
59:41
Yeah. So other people wanna enjoy the
59:43
full mooches. They're just sitting there
59:44
eating pizza. What if they're all man horny on
59:47
the full moon? No.
59:48
All of the monsters and then Fallon and Kayla just have to.
59:51
Back it out. Yes, dog.
59:53
I love it anyway. Fallons humping.
59:56
Trees This book. Ashley Bennett.
59:59
I was like the author. I know, but like girl, what are
1:00:01
you doing? Making money?
1:00:03
OK, I see you making that. Look, dull girl, we bought it.
1:00:06
So, like, what are we gonna do? What should we rate this out of?
1:00:11
Wolf Daddy. Oh, we didn't even talk about
1:00:14
the daddy. We didn't even talk about the
1:00:16
daddy. It was horrific, it constantly.
1:00:20
It was so unnecessary. And also he was like, Fallon
1:00:23
calls me that don't. So she just started doing it
1:00:25
more. Stop it, Just say Daddy wants a
1:00:28
breast. It has to be Wolf Daddy.
1:00:31
OK? Honestly, books like this give
1:00:35
me so much hope. And also, I feel like Atlas is
1:00:39
very much a werewolf name, and every other werewolf book I've
1:00:43
read, really. Yeah, OK.
1:00:44
It's. Giving just alpha adjacent
1:00:47
alpha, you may as well just called him alpha.
1:00:51
Alpha daddy would have Alpha Daddy, Alpha Daddy.
1:00:55
Honestly, that can be your next the main male character in your
1:00:59
book. Alpha Daddy, Yeah.
1:01:00
Alpha Daddy in the the one where they actually transform from men
1:01:05
into OK how many wolf daddies out of five?
1:01:09
I don't know one. I nearly said 2.
1:01:14
I gave it 2 because I was writing my notes I was trying.
1:01:17
To work out if I even tweeted or not.
1:01:19
So 2 means it was OK. Two, it's OK.
1:01:22
It's a solid 2. I didn't hate it, I just.
1:01:25
I didn't like it. I like that it was short, like
1:01:30
torture me for less time. Yeah.
1:01:32
It was kind of perfect for painting a wall.
1:01:34
And I'm gonna lie because, I mean, it kept me, kept me
1:01:38
focused. I was doing.
1:01:39
Something in my kitchen when my partner walked past, I was like
1:01:42
he paused it for me and I was like, thank God because if you
1:01:44
came up real close, what that? Fucking it's like full blasting
1:01:49
is OK. Is that it?
1:01:52
Dude I feel like was this even spooky Ooky enough for our
1:01:55
Halloween special? No.
1:01:58
No, no. Should we do another one for
1:02:01
Halloweeny 1? For after Halloween, yeah.
1:02:03
Yeah, so is that all for this one?
1:02:06
Thank God. OK, so before you go, we've got
1:02:09
1 teeny favour to ask and unlike a certain cupcake obsessed
1:02:14
monster, we promise it won't make you blush.
1:02:17
If you enjoyed this episode, please take a second now and
1:02:20
leave us a five star review on whatever platform you're using.
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1:02:37
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