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Transcript

AM I PARANOID? · Blind But Now I See

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Back at it for another episode of the Blonde But
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: I see show. I am your host, the offishy blonde Stuffer,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: the voice of the disabls, blond Lightning, you know it.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: But you can call me see note though you see
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: you can call me see like on a hundred dollars
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: like a hundred dollars bill. That's what I am. My
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: money man, I've been buying my money since I was
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: like two years old. I think I sled out of
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: my mama about my money. Man. I'm just saying the
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: being out the baby man. I sled out my mama
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: by mama.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Bread with the money.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Hey, I came out, and I mean you smell money.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: The doctor must have had a role on it. I
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: had to come out one time.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: But and I'm in here with my boy Wolf my
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: dog know man, and we had two sixty five Canal Street,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: motherfucking magic magic. Our voices is magic. I think were
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: taking over. I mean I said that said damn, I
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: got a I got I got a lot of bucket
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: I got a lot of things on the bucket list.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I gotta check off, you know, shows and more merger.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: And the crazy thing about it, I was right in
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: the live show people, and I heard your voice. I said,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not rushing it. I'm not rushing it because I
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: at first I felt like I gotta do it. I
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: gotta do it just to see I gotta do it.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not rushing it. So I stepped back,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, what could I do to grow this podcast?
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: The blomber down see website is coming, So it's coming,
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Like that's the first thing I got. I'm building that blober,
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: I'm building that blond stuff of community. I'm doing the work.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I listen to your podcasts and to other people podcasts.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what could I do to increase this? Even
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: shout out to Baranda, like I even listen to her podcasts,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: And I'm looking at this like I ain't gonna lie.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: She don't.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: She's smoking ship, She's doing her thing, and.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying up there, I'm just saying back, and
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, damn and ship Like every time she
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: always reminded me, like yo, I learned from you.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: But you know what, the one thing I want to
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: say about your sister's podcast. And I say this because
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I listen to podcasts every day because it's
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: my job.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: But then I'm also like very interested in this type
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: of ship.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: And one thing that I'll say is your sister's podcast
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: is uh Doctor Felder Online one, so it's her show.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: But what I will say one thing that I think
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: your sister does really good is she has she has
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: a great curation of guests with good stories.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: She's been smoking a guest game.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: And I will say that, and that's actually been something
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: that's been difficult for us to do. It's difficult for
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: us to do, you know. So I think that the
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: biggest difference between you and your sister's podcast is your
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: show is like really leaning on who you are, Like
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: almost like one hundred percent is leaning on Christopher Feild.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: It all me, you know what I'm saying.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: And we're trying to we're trying to like move into
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: that lane and where your sister is at and she
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: thriving at right now.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: So shout out to and why I look at it
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: like her guests has grown with her. Yeah, So that's
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: what it is, is like my guests didn't grow with me,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: that they grew looking at me.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: What you mean by that?
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Like like she's new in the podcast space, so it's
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: like it's no expectations when the guests is coming on.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: I felt I set the bar, like if you look
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: at the numbers from the beginning to now, I set
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: the ball so high by telling my story. Now I
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: heard people say how can I come behind that and
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: tell mons.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: That's a good point. So it's like, that's a good point.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: She's what like episode probably like seven now the last
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: one is me and huh. So it's like a lot
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: of people saying say that, like damn, like my story
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: don't mean nothing once I heard yours, and it's like
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: it's not about that, it's get your story out there
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: because you could be impactful to somebody else. A lot
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: of people saying say, Ohm, gonna come on the show,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Well we book it, and then they hit me up
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: last minute and say they cancel them.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's like there's a there's a certain quality.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: So that so the thing is, and you know, I
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: don't know your sister as well as I know you,
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: but like these people are connections and personal relationships that
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: she got from her life outside of being a doctor.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Crazy thing about it. Some people just she just meeting.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: Right, And there's some people she's just meeting.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Yo. It's crazy because people hit her up from when
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: she came on my show, coming over there, hitting her up,
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, damn, I had this person on my
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: page and I never got hit up. Like, but I
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: feel like a lot of people probably be intimidated.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: I think people. I think people don't have taste, bro,
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: they don't have taste. And I think people's character. I
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: think there's a lot of good people on earth, but
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: there's not a lot of great people. And I think
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: sometimes when people see you, they just don't know what
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: to feel, so they don't they just don't do nothing,
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: you know, like.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: That in the regular world. Yeah, like even in the
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: parties like this sweet I went to the party. Friday
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: went to a cookout at Pacific BK. You know, we
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: being Pacific BK to twenty five ladies love R and
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: B Friday's cook Our Red feel be.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Gone viral in there.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: But I'm in there, and it's like promoters that normally
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: say what up to me and keep it pushing, actually
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: set there and talk to me and let me know
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: how cool I am and how I'm moving my auraun.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, damn, bro, Like how long have you
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: been around me? And you just now saying it? Like, man,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: my DJ shout out to DJ Chrispy walks in and
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: it was just I couldn't stop people from talking to
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: me to a point. It was one person that ain't
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: like a breath, was stinking. I'm like, yo, bro, move me.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: When you move, please move me. They like what you doing,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: but be in there. And the guy he was like, yo,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: you know I heard a lot about you. People talk
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: about you. I hope it's good things. And he like, yeah,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: but I didn't want to hit you up and just
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: hit you up and say let's work. I got to
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: see how you move. I got to see your or
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I got it for your energy. And he said, and
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I'm just talking to you for two minutes and I
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: just want to like, let's lock these parties in. I said,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: so you found a lot out from me in just
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: two minutes. Sometimes I'll say, yo, bro, he said, just
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: the way you move, and I see how people gravitate
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: to you, and yo, you just smove. He said, Nah,
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: we got a lock in, bro. I'm like, I appreciate that.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: You feel me like, let's let's get it going. Boom,
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: I leave it out move away from there. I ran
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: into it this gang like. He's a big homie in
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: the gang. But he's positive though, Like you know what
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I mean, he ran his calls. He's been in the streets. Yeah,
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: he's been in the streets for forever. So he talking
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: to us and he like, Yo, you know, I commend you,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: bro like. I take my head off to you, bro like,
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: and I'm like somebody in his stature I would never
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: think will be talking to me the way he was
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: talking to me.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: Yo.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: I love you, Yo. Whenever I see you, you always
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: gonna be good. I'm rolling out the carpet for you.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I'm doing this, I'm doing that. I say, I watch you, yo,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: I've seen your podcast, You've seen my pot he said. Yo,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you doing your thing.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: Yo. You motivate me.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: He said, Yo, Bro, I can say and cry right
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: now to tell you how much I'm you inspired me.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: And I'm I'm just like this the big hope right
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: here talking to me like this and all that, and
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: it's like cool. Then I go in the backyard and
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: then we just talking. I'm just talking to different females
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: and girls like, Yo, I ain't gonna lie you every
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: time I like get down depressed. I go to your
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: page that remind me that it's other people out there
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: that's going through way worser than what I'm going through.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what the fuck did like y'all playing this
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: and it's just like different people and it's like, Yo,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: it just felt good. And then now my DJ got
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: a DJ. So now we walked up on stage and
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: I'm just standing there and it's just like just feeling
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: the energy from the party and then people coming on
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: stage talking to me. Yo, so you know, Yo, I
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: need your number. Bro, I'm trying to get next to you.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I'm like, all, yo, give him my flyer when I
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: want to fly. It just hit me like and we
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: just sent up there and it's like, damn, I can
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: honestly say four years ago, I wasn't at this place.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: How does how does all that make you feel?
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: I'm doing something right? I mean, I'm actually doing my job.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: Does it make you feel good? Though? It makes me
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: feel good?
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I accomplish a lot. No, Lie, A lot of people
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: didn't want to deal with me because I was blind.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: They look past me, which is I don't even understand that,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: crazy bro. Like it's times like we can have a
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: conversation and they'll move. They'll skip past me and talk
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: to my djil or something and he like, why are
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: you talking to me? He doing that's his party. I'm
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: just punked for it, right, or they hit him up
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: over the time. I play like why are you hitting
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: me up? See no texture and locked you in right,
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: so why you hit me up? And I'm like, damn, bro,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: like why nigga? They giving me my credit?
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: That's what I mean again, Like people feel so weird
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: about it. They don't know what to do, so they
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: just don't do nothing.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we just like my nigga, like you you just
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: a person, just a person, Like it's really no different.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I'm regular. Just I just don't got a vision.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Like people will not give me my credit.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: And even even that, bro, Like the difference of that
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: is really more in your pers some the reality versus hours,
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: because you you show up in a way like you
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: haven't lost your I don't know if y'all can hear
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: there's a fucking storm dream behind us and it's I
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: don't know if you can. They probably can't hear that.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: But it's fine.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: Wen shop a carso yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, you
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: you haven't lost your sense of like.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: You still show up in society. You still have your identity.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: You haven't lost your identity. So when you show up
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: in places outside of the obvious that you can't see,
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: it's like this nigga hasn't changed. He showed he not
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: asking for a handout, not asking for nobody's sympathy. He
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: just want to be regular, you know. So when somebody
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: like I don't know how to act, I don't know
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: how to like treat the situation. It's like treated the
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: way you would treat me like I was. I can see,
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: but maybe that's really them just exposing how ain't ship
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: that they are.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: It's crazy, brocause I'm just like, damn bro, like, when
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: are you gonna give me my respect? I put into work,
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I put in overtip of this. I'm the one that's
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: selling y'all. I'm the one that's cash happing in y'all bread.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: When I'm gonna get the respect? And I honestly I
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: got it right now. I feel good like I opened
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: my phone out and mentions. It's like it's parties that
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: people put me in. They write up I'm hosting, and
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: they never even cleared it with me before they wasn't
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: doing that. I'm like, it's finally paying off. Now I'm
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: a big deal in the party world. Now I'm a
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: big deal of it. Like we left the party and
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I'll get in the car. My DJ was like, Yo,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: you you that nigga. Now, let's see what you're gonna
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: do with it, he said.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: Because you don't got to hit nobody up the host.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: No more they hitting you up the host.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: You that guy.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Let's see what you're gonna do with it now. I said,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna show you what I'm gonna do with it. Bro,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I'm taking it over. He was like, Yo, you've been
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: taking it over for the past year. Now, I said,
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna continue to keep taking it over like a lot.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: I had to party in the choke ho for over
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: a little over, yet now owned it. Owned this scene.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Niggas gotta give me my credit. And not only it's like, yeah,
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: anybody could, but for me to do it visually and
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: pig I feel like y'all should lay out the red carpet,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: give me my flowers for don't I think so?
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: I think anything any listen, any goal you accomplish, any victory,
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: you make any progress that you make, Bro, as a
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: person who does not have their vision, you should one
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: thousand percent get extra credit for anything that you do
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: because you gotta go through so much more. Like you
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: said on this podcast, you gotta work ten times.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: So any like, any little Bro, any little effort, any
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: little win, any little victory that you get, niggas should
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: be clapping their hands and celebrating you.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Bro.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Not because not because like niggas is trying to like
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: Dick Rod. But it's like, Bro, it's amazing, Yo.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Bro, I'm outside passing off flyers.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Blind, don't even know where the niggas at for real, Just.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Like Bro, people hold a conversation don't even know I'm blind,
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: but I'm keeping them for something like yeah, yeah, should
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: when you're number out on the fly, you don't see
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: my number? Shorty, she looked you, She like, oh I
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: found I found it? If we started laughing, why y'all
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: laughing for I say, y'all, I can't even see, but
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: thank you.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: Let me ask you something.
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: Some people might be looking at you and they can't
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: tell that you're blind, but I feel like you can
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: kind of tell, like something going on.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: Do you think people be thinking you like ane bread.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Sometimes some people think I'm drunk. They be like, yah,
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: you're drunk. I'm like, yeah, NOA, well, I'm not drunk.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Because you like squirtch your eyes sometimes and you kind
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: of look off to the side. Maybe.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: I mean, for the most part, you actually make like
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: direct eye cons as best as you motherfucking can. But
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: you do a great job at that. But for people
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: who got zero con like that'm just meeting you. You outside,
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: you're passing out flyers.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: It's crazy because people don't know. I don't heard people
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: argue with other people he's not blind and they're like,
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: yes he is, and they're not coming like why, but
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: they're like, yo, bro, you really blind? Bro'm like yeah,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: but they're like, nah, you're lying. Bro. I'm like, what
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: I got allowed for my nigga? You want me to
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: call my mom money that I'm lining for. I'm like, nah,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: this is really me, bro. But it feel good because
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: it just shows like I'm on a lot of people
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: right though.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Oh for sure.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: I just texted afther day. I'm like, yo, I ain't
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: gonna lie, bro, I gotta do more. I feel like
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: I'm slacking.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing enough. I gotta do more.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I just walk up like I accomplished this party ship,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: but it's like what snacks, what's next? And I get
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: motivational for TikTok, like the disabled people, the whole disabled
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: community on TikTok. I get motivated off that ship. Bro,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: I'm working hard, but it's other people out there working
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: hard as me. That's disable, that's living life and all
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: you bro, ain't lie. It's this girl on TikTok. I
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: think her name man is Shelley. She's blonde, but she
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: motivates me. She had a blond song on Apple and everything.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: I said. I need that, I need that life, I
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: need that exposure. Yeah, I need those guessing they be
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: in Houston, it'd be different for this, so it's like
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: it's kind of hard to like to connect with uh
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: somebody else my statue like disabling all lone. They're in Houston,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: then it's like it'd be hard for them to get
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: out probably get to me. And then I don't want
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: to go to Houston, and then I get ghosted and
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: it's like I just wasted time of going to Houston
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: setting up a studio, you know, like you know what
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: I mean. And then I think like I run into
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: I've run into brick walls being out here moving around.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: How do I know They're not gonna fall into a
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: brick wall and can't get to the studio? It be,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: it'd be tricky and I understand. So it's like I
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: can't let it stop me. So what are we gonna do?
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Real bringing it? This is not a disabled podcast. The
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: host just disabled, but we are blind steppers. We don't
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: wait to see. We just move. So if you have
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: a moment where you contemplate it and we're scared to
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: jump in the street, nah, you gotta say, man forgot,
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna just jump in the stree to see what's
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: gonna happen. I'm a blond stepper. I'm not gonna wait
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: until I feel like it's the moment. I'm gonna just
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: move and if I fail and get back up and
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna try it again. So I'm in a rebranding stage.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I mean in a rebranding mode. First episode, like first season,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: it was really about me getting shot what I'm going through.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: Then it's like I was going in that direction that angle.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Then bringing different people in, but then will really change
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: my thought process of this whole podcast of me. Change
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: was Miss Molly Mistress Molly once. I did that episode
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: with her, and it's like, I see, like this podcast
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: no longer have to be a disabled podcast, oh for sure.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: And then I see the numbers and I see how
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: people reacting to it. And then it's like people love
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: a cool they love to hit the disabled storage whatever
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: the case may be, but they love it more when
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: they see the disabled nigga having fun. I'm having fun.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: I'm throwing things that, bro, So it's like it's something different.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: That's why I fuck with you, because you get it, bro.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Yo, Bro. Millions, like even the homies laughed at me.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: They're like, Yo, you've really bent over Laha beat you.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: You would never do that before you know how to
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: do fire play with you. Like you really coming out
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: your people really stant to see your personality. It ain't
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: just all down moments. And I I mean I do.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna study to the park. I'm a student up
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: the podcast. I even go back and watch my old
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: episodes and study of it. It was starting off depressing, crying,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: people could relate to it. I want to show people
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: that I'm not in the dark no more so, like
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: why I keep like, if you want me to, if
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: you love them episodes when I'm in the dark, then
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: go back and look at my own ship. Y'all gonna
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: see me laugh. You're gonna see me joke, y'all gonna
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: see me play. You're gonna see me doing it all
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Like I can't be in that dark space no more.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: So it's like I might be. I'm rebranded. Now. Let
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: me see what type of have you seen? When I
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: sent you to guy that that was walking on the
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: block act like he was blind with a dog. He
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: was like, yo, you think you think you're lying? Yig
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Because me being blonde and he doing that, it brings
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: light to the blonde community. At the same time, it
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: shows that, yo, we can laugh no matter what condition
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: we are in. Like I laughed at it. When they
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: sit to me and they show you doing I laugh.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: So the people looking at me like some people looking
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: at it like damn, that's insensitive. But he making fun
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: of it. He giving us a lie, Like I feel
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: like we are the disabled people that's being forgot about it.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: That's forgot about he's bringing light to us. Nah, I'm
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: with that ship.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Happiness is a choice, man, Yo, Sometimes you.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: Got to get a good laugh to wipe away your
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: tail like the Cris and all that, and I'm gonna
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: help you if it's coming down crazy. When we leave it,
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: I'm doing a wallow video.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: Running in the ring.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: I've been waiting for this day to go. I'm running
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: in the rain doing a wallow video. But that's all
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: that ship motivates me.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: Bro, you know, I want to I want to speak
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: on something that you just said. Were you're saying, like,
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: you know, people feel better about seeing and the blind
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: person having fun, And I think that's such an important
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: point because you know, as we are young black men
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: trying to figure out how to navigate the podcast space,
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: trying to figure out how to really market, how to
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: really brand, you know, we're really figuring.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: This out as we go. And that is definitely a
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: conclusion because you know, we bounce back in between.
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: Like the motivation motivations, but it's really I feel like
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: like the majority of it is like the motivation and
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: the self development aspect of it. So I've been through
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: something but I overcame it though, and trying to channel
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: from that place.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: And that that that never has to go away.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: However, like you said, the mistress Marley episode, it's like,
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: I'm still living my life.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I'm living my life. Plus you learning about dominatrix. Dad,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: you probably by throwing a closet because you fail it
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: was too tight board all that. Nah, I showed like
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: if I might, I throw a dominations where love. So
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: it's still educational saying now y'all gotta well love of
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: this time of the third I'm like, oh damn, that's
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: what I always thought, Like she teaching us. Then she
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: telling us the moments of her dancing and how she
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: became where she is and her limits of doing certain things.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: So it's like it ain't just a bad thing. It's
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: like I'm educating people on different Like it's smart smart.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: It's a different episode for Miss Marley. Billy Billy is
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: a different episode from smart. And I can hit Billy
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: up and comfortable being on his show. He coming on
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: my show. I'm comfortable and I kept it. I talked
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: about I was homophobic at once upon the time the
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: ship Billy talk about. I listened to Billy podcasts to
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: this day, shout out to Billy needed to be study
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: podcasts and he talked reckless. But I can laugh and
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: bypass it because It's like if it ain't, if it
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: ain't stepping on your neck, then let it. Then bypass it.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: He's targeting the audience. I mean, I love his point
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: of views and a lot of things I look at.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: I listen to your podcasts. It's different from my podcast,
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: any different from Billy podcast. But I learned from it.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: So why like I could be a student and incorporate
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: little things into my show, Like I could go let
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: field laughing joke, Like when I had the blonde comedian,
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: we laughed, we joked. It was a lot of crazy
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: shit that was said. But then when I seen that
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: he didn't have the confidence in himself to talk to
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: women and all that, we went back to motivation. So
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: why we can't have fun and bring motivation to the same.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, exactly, And it goes right back to the
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: conversation how we first started it. You know, it's like,
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: one thing your sister's doing really well is she is
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: really pulling in these guests, and we just got to
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: get back into that, you know what I mean. And
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: so actually, because I'm thinking right now, I want to
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: hit Imani up from the Brothers in Law podcasts and
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: try to get that.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: There oh yeah, yeah, yeah, because he definitely owe me
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: a debate. You're debating about that. Definitely, we definitely the
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: big because not for nothing, And I mean he could
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: definitely look at this podcast. I just have a different
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: take on it for the simple fact. What's going on
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: in New York City, Lady, It's just crazy.
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: Bro, I just seen some shit on my timeline the
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: other day. It's some nigga going around stabbing people, damn
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: stabbing people.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: Right then, you had another person that kidnapping, kidnapped, try
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: to kidnap a seven year old. Bro picked him up
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: and ran and then when a family when the parents
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: ran behind him, he threw the baby to the floor,
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: the seven year old to the floor. And it's like,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: these people are not about to go to jail. Or
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: did you see on the J train when the man
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: tried to snatch the girl a grown ass woman. Yeah,
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: that I heard about and the men whipped his ass.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: That's what he's home.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's home because it's the mental health piece.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Bro. Man funck that, but you put him back on
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: the streets to do something else, not for nothing. Anybody
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: could plead mental health and come home then, So what
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: are we supposed to do about that eighteens with seventeen
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: eighty year old getting killed for a water gun for
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: a water fight. Yeah, I gotta I got a different
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: output on it, got a different out man. They need
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: to be in jail. Some of these people need to
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: be jail. Throw away the key. A girl said she
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I raped Corneylan fourth for July. Everything turning on the
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: news is always bullshit. So you think jel is not. Yeah,
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: jail is not for a incent person, but let's put
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: these guilty motherfucker's in there. And it goes back to
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: saying a lot of people call me on that com
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: and I said, I shouldn't be like, I'm not happy
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: to be for New York for what's going on. A
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: lot of people a lot of people hit me up
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: on that ship say I ain't gonna lie, bro. I
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: feel you, I understand you. People scared to say this ship.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Of course they are.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: No, not me. I'm comfortable with Brooklyn, New York. Yeah,
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I said it it's gainsters on my podcast. That's looking
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: it's regular people. And I still go outside people like,
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: ain't gonna lie, bro, that shit is real?
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: What you say?
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: Why? Because I'm dodging the police and I'm dodging the
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: hood niggas. I would not. I've refused to let either
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: one kill me. Eighteen year old girl got arrested, end
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: up dead in the sound in the Bronx. So who
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: is we talking about?
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: Oh and it's like a soul quote unquote suicide.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they said, oh she she killed herself with the
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: five hours. What's going on here?
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: Bro No, So he definitely on me at debate. Yeah,
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: I just I literally just hit him. Be definitely all
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: a bait. I mean even even tel when I'm bigging talk,
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: we can even reach out to them. We can talk
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: God nasty ship. This podcast is for everybody. I don't
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know, like the way the mouth, the way
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: my mind work is. I don't single out nobody because
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: I don't want nobody to single out. There's blind host.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: I don't want I don't want nobody look at it.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Oh he's blind. So now we're not We're gonna go
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: in a different direction. I welcome everybody because I want
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: anybody to welcome me. Yeah, and by me being welcome,
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: the next blond, next person in the wheelchair, the next
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: person that's blond, the next person that's cyah, puzzon, go
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: come right behind me and do the same thing like
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: you got it. Once I go through the door like
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: I'm opening you know, like you open the door, close
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: the door, you let the air out. Now I'm opening door,
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: like hold my disabled niggas come in.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: And then that's like real DEI at that point, you know,
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: it's just like, yo, we were at the table just
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: because we earn the right to be here, like we're
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: not asking for those specific favors like you build up
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: the blonde. But now I see Bland branded platform and
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: it becomes so big. It's like I'm not here because
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: I'm blind. I'm here because I'm killing shit. It just
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: so happened to be blind blind.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: And now I see the voice of the disabls right
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: right that that that that the disabls have a voice.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: I'm really about to start pushing that ship, bro and
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: put different risk like bands on it, like representing different things,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: because it's like we don't have a voice and we
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: need it. I got, I got, I gotta, I really
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: gotta push that narrative because like like you said, dr right,
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: how many blond how many disabled people is really at
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: the round tables?
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: I don't know if nothing for real, neither, I don't know,
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: if nothing, how to be the first.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's nothing but face and opportunity. Gotta put somebody
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: like you to come at the table, and you know,
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: and like we need the world needs fresh ideas, you
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: need new perspective.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: I got them all. I got them all. Go ahead,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: shout out to the master connect the agency and Nicole too, like,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: I ain't gonna lie. I just met her December, and
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: she supports me, motivates me to keep pushing. I'm the
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: only disabled person in the group and it's like thirty
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: maybe like thirty forty people in the only disabled person
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: in the group. And every time we have our meetings
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: and different people come on to teach us different things.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: She always made sure she put the light on me.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: She like when they be like, Okay, we're gonna do
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: we on zoom, Okay, cool, we're gonna do the PREMIU presentation.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Oh do y'all see this. She'll come, She'll take herself off.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: Mel Chris is this this is this? This this this
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: that's on it? Oh Chris is Chris is our member.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: He's visiting pig got shot through gun violence. Got a
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: beautiful story. It's like, damn, I appreciate her. That's why
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: every chance I get, I will promote her brand because
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: like she don't let me feel left, Yo, don't let
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: me feel left. I can hit her up and Chris,
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: no problem, I got you. Oh, Chris, like what you
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: feel like? She always made sure she includes me and
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: that's why I'm like, Yo, that's what I love about her,
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: And I'm always gonna push her brand. It's like she
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: she she's a person that want me that the round table.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: So it's like I gotta think of for that. So
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: it's like I gotta, I gotta, we gotta create more
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: rooms with disabled people. Is in it? More space? Like
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: not for nothing? How many disabled podcasts do you really know? Bro?
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: It's really not bro. This this whole space is nothing
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: but opportunity for you.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: The whole space, Like I really don't run into disabled podcasts.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: I see disabled content creators, but in the podcast world
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: don't see.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: Let me ask you something, what is a soft life
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: for a black man? What is it? Well, what is
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: a soft life for a black man?
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Soft?
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: Light life?
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Soft life?
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah? What is a soft life for a black man?
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Like like like playing flowers is like that, talking like
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: that like, that's what that's what you need. I don't know.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: I don't that's what you get. I don't know. I
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: like why in in in the like the space I live,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: I can't afford to be soft. You can't afford to
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: be soft. Like my soft light is me being up
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: on a female. That's my that's my soft life. But
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: in the streets, I can't be soft.
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: But when you say the streets though, like because help
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: help people understand the difference of the streets, right, because
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: sometimes when people say the streets, they think, like you
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: involved in.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: A civilian just.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Walk being a civilian, even in Brooklyn, Like you're still
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: in a concrete jungle. You're still in the jungle. So
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: it's like me in the streets, I'm not I'm not
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: in gang activity no more. I'm not selling drugs, I'm
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: not hanging on corners. I'm not doing none of that.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: But when I go out, I'm still a target. So
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: as I walk, my pasture is different. I tell you
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: my body up, you hit my shoulders, he's like you're
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: hitting a brick wall, Like because you're ready for I'm
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: ready for whatever, because nobody ain't gonna do shit to me.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: And saying mental health.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: Oh hell no, I'm ready to go.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: I'm ready to Like today, we walking and I come
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: out the pharmacy and walking. Just got two pays and
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: a person was so close to me that they bumped
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: the shot out of my own and knocked the two
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: pass out for a minute. The ol me snacks to
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: be like, why the fuck are you so close to me?
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: They he picked it up, they gave it to me.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: I said, you got something to say? He said, I'm sorry.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: I all right, cool, I enjoy your day, and we
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: walked off. But it's just like and my niece and something.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: They laughed because it was just like my already one.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: He don't know I'm blind tour. Then it's like this
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: is a big nigga I am. I'm not. I apologize
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: and I give it to him, like.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: Come on, bro, like you too clean and no funny shit.
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: If I don't think you blind and I think you drunk,
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: I definitely don't want to piss you round because you've
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: have to be on some shit, don't you don't.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: Want to do that. And it's like my backstraight, my
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: chest is out, I'm tightening it. So it's like the
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: way I walk it's like I can't afford to be soft.
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: Okay, but right, but so when I think about a
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: soft life, right to me, a soft life for me
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: is like waking up in the morning not necessarily having
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: like nowhere I gotta rush to all like that. So
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: like me explaining from my side, you know what I mean.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: So it's like I get to wake up, get to
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: get out of bed, you know what I'm saying. Like
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: when when I want to, it's like, okay, cool, make
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: some tea something I like a warm drink, you know,
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: I mean, I don't really drink coffee as much these days,
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: so I like maybe some lemon water, some simple you
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: know what I mean, Sit my tea, I sit down.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: By the window. You know what I'm saying, sunlight coming
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: through for the warmth, shit like that. You know what
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: I mean.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: Soft life's your soft life. That's like soft life for me.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: I don't go no seft like because I ain't at
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: that point yet. I don't got no something like because
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: when I wake up, the first thing that's on my
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: mind it's like what could I do today that make
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: me improve or getting a couple of steps further in life.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: So it's like when I wake up. The first thing
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: they said. The first thing I get up, I thank
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: God for another day. And cool. Let me get my phone.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: I scroll on TikTok to see who up, who putting
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: content out?
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, what I'm what I'm not doing?
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: Okay? Cool, I'm going to chat gbt iright, help me
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: out with the disabled, helped me out building this whole
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: blo official blind step of brand everything. Then I'm listening
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: to the Breakfast Club. Listening to the Breakfast Club, I
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: get different things out of it of how they entertain
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: an audience, to incorporate, how can I entertain the audience
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: as far as the live shows and everything else. I
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: listen to commercials to see how they really sell shit
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: like a real marketer.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: But you can still do that and have a soft
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: life though, you know I can still do it.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: But I feel like I'm not at that place right now.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, I feel like that.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: What makes What do you do that makes you feel good?
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: Like like if you have so? Let me ask you this.
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: If you feel like you're not at that place right now,
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: Let's create an imagine. Imagine the scenario where you was.
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: What would your soft life look like if you had.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: It your way.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: I had it my way. Yeah, waking up and then
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: under the same room for my kids hits of course,
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: my lady m waking up to. I don't got to
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: be masculine. I could be in my soft boy. I
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: could kids on the forehead, go on the front and
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: just listen to ESPN and you know, even get my
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: cheffing on, like cooking and just like no kids in
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: the world. You feel me like I ain't drinking, no tea,
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: no hot teeth under that but all that. But you know,
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: going in there, I'm cooking breakfast. I'm bringing breakfast to
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: what I mean to the kids, to the to the wife,
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: to the message is and just like relaxing and just
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: enjoying my my family because like my that's my family
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: within my family.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: Like I'm enjoying my family.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, look, lift up the window, let the fresh
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: air like flow through the house and just listen to
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: like just listen to music. Is just relaxed and no
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: kid in the world. Now, why why can't you?
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: Why can't you do that right now?
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: Well, because I gotta work ten times harder day y'all.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: But see.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: You can still do all of those things while making
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: time to get to the to the to the business. Yeah,
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: because it's twenty four hours in a day. Yeah, you got,
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: you got plenty of time.
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: It's twenty five hours in a day. Right, But my
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: twenty four hours look different from y'alls, Like I really
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: have to work. I'm working on other people time and
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: sometimes just to press that button on chat GBT.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: Right, so I got to speed up.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: Ready as soon as you wake up, you're ready to
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: use CHATGBT. People, not necessary, you're.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: Awake, So you got okay, tell is open g BT
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: for me? Open up? Just pressing around to that ship,
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: that ship viborated, got it, start talking, start talking to me,
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: try to delegating and work. I said, damn, who up
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: right now? Fuck up my face time? Did you see
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: that point? Think like you dead ass?
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: Dead ass?
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: Hit that button? I talked to you, lady, canty'll sucking
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: up my conversation. She picked up the conversation. By wait,
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: they can press it through face time. No, I got
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: two phones FaceTime, one phone on the screen. They tell
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: me I hit it. I hang up on them because
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: now she's picking up you talking, so.
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: You FaceTime is somebody on one phone And then you
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: putting it on the screen, putting the camera, but you
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: don't even know what but you blinde so you don't
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: even know how to like get it to look at
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: the but you you got both hands in your and
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: your you got both phones in your hands, like this
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: be like this right so.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: This face time like yeah, this right here, right here,
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: this here right here right there. Boom, I go from
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: there all think I have to say open chat GBT,
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: the going to maybe.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: I'm laughing because like I am have resource for that.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: This is like, yeah, I got I got, I got
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: to So my twenty five hours different from everybody twenty
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: four hours.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: We're brother.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: I would like to say that I'm gonna get to myself. Ever, yeah, listen,
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: trust and believe bro, Trust and believe Bro.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna get to it. But no, I felt like
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: I went through myself ever the first year eight years,
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: I got shot just being down.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: I don't think you did, though, because it didn't feel soft.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: You said, didn't feel soft, it didn't feel solid. Sleeping
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: all day, Well, it's not what you do, it's how
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: you do it, though you like sleeping all day.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: I wasn't active. I was just in the house.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: I just listening to music.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: Now, I wasted a lot of time. I wasted time,
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: but I needed the time. But I still wasted that time.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: Now I'm up, I'm active. I'm not going back to
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: that so ever, Like I go back to that sof ever,
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: when I saw my motherfucker first check my first deal.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: When I can say it's I can.
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: Like kind it ain't gonna happen then either, because then
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: the work gonna really kick up, because now you've got
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: a contractual obligation.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah to quote to me quotas.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when I'm on that plane, the jet, Oh, I'm relaxed.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: I'm in the sky, you know, the sky, and I'm
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: just thinking about nothing, you know, and it's like I
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: got space. I'm not on spirit when the ship is
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: on my knees and all that. Even though that's crazy
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: because I could have all the money in the world,
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: I'm still going spirit though. It's gonna keep me humble,
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: keep me.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: Spirit is trash.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I always take spirit. Also give me ship the
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: ones that I be taking. One time, I went to
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: Atlanta for Atlanta for forty five dollars.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: That's that's pretty fucking affordable. That's pretty right.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: It took me to Orlando. So you ain't no bag
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: in Atlanta. You ain't had no bags. Book bag, that's
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: what I need, don't. I don't do carry I do
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: carry on.
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: I don't check in checking in it. I feel like
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: checking in is like that'll never be my bag. Like
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: I'm listen, oh something ever do when I'm in the airport.
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: I got the personal bag, I got my carry on.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: That's it. That's all I need, no matter how many
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: days I'm there, that's.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: All I need. Dofle bag king.
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: That's all I'm working.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: I'm working on a blah diffel bag. Yeah, blah an
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: I double bag, blah bad book bag. Because now it's
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: like I'm thinking branding now.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: But hold on, I want to not to cut you off.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: Want to get back to this though.
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: I think that one day you'll realize, because like I'm
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: looking at it like this, bro, Yes, you were working
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: trying to get to the bag. Yes, you were working,
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: and you ambitious and you're trying to create a generational
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: shift in your one lifetime. But because you don't know
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: when that's gonna happen, because you don't know what order
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: of events is gonna take for you to like transition
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: into like that happening.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: I think right as a friend that.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: You this nigga smirking, I think as a friend that
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: you should find little ways not to waste time, right,
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: not to just take your foot off the gas, because
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: I can understand as a black man that make you
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: feel uncomfortable to take your foot off the gas because like,
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: with my foot on not on the gas, then where
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: am I going?
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: To trust me, but you're talking to a nigga who
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: is like overstands that ship. But also I have definitely
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: found the benefits of like doing little things that just
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: that just it really help for real because like once
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: you feel rested in a way, not necessarily sleep, but
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: you feel rested in a sense where it's like, oh yeah,
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: I'm ready to get to it, you know what I mean,
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: little things like whatever that is for you, no matter what.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: That is, bro, Like I would just Mike walk through
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: the punks, and that's that's what I do. You know
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying, that's yourself. I get it.
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, But my soft.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: I don't know, Like I really like the closest soft
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: moment I have is I'm just in the houses listening
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: to music that's good.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: That's good.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: That's something that that's the closest.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: That's the closest.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: Yes, I don't watch the TV. Right music playing and
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: I'm just listening to the beat. Then I got to
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: play it back and now I'm listening to the words. Now,
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: now listen to the word play. So it's like that's
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: that's my my time when I'm just I'm just zoned
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: out in a sauna.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: Bro, you know what the sign is.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: I know what it is.
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: I wonder if you would enjoy that because I can
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: understand certain things, like there's a walk in the park
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: even would you would you get anything from that?
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: Because you literally can't see.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: It even when I could see it out of it
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: dog shipping in the parking lot.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: I know a lot of people that actually feel that way.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: No more. I was never a park person Prospect Park
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: and Central never yeh. Never that I don't do nothing
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: for you for me trees, but not that she don't
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: do ship nothing at all, do nothing. But I ain't
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: gonna lie. The first time I ain't gonna lie. I
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: read out that I didn and have to be I
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: didn't have to be tough outside is when I went
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: to Puerto Rico. Okay, I letterally walked the streets and
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: I was at peace. My body wasn't tense, it was
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: loose and be on the beach and then like that
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: sun just shining on me. It was just different. I
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: don't know if because I was with the woman of
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: my life or is because I was just in the
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: north environment. It just just felt different. Like the water
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: just warm, bouncing on my legs and I ain't get
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: deep in it, but it just bouncing on. Yeah, it
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: was just it was just freeze. Just felt relaxed. Then
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: we went to the pool and it was just me
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: and behind the pool and it just like just being
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: in the pools, like I know, I ain't got nothing
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: to worry about. I'm just sitting there and it's like
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: till my mom thinking like damn, can I still swim?
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: Should I try it?
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: Just it just it just felt relaxing good and I'm
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: just listening to music and it just it was it
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: was a vacation that it wasn't no turn up. I
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: wasn't turned up another but it was one of those vacations.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: It was on your soft life ship.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I was just like I spent some time in
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: the room than I did outside.
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: Really, but you felt like you was on vacation.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: I felt I knew I was feltic. I didn't want
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: to leave, like it was well needed. For a moment,
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: my mind was off. I didn't think about no podcasts,
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: I ain't think about nothing. But then now we're going
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: back to New York, and I was like, all right,
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: this was well needed because I took a break from
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: back home to a point nobody couldn't get in touch
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: with me, no access. The only person that got access
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: to me was my child.
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: Do you think that because you were on vacation you
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: can't actually see the place you live in New York?
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: You can't actually see the place right? Do you think
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: that it becomes more about a mindset than anything, because
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: a lot of the things you're not, like, you're not
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: seeing the people in the cars and the trash on
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: the sidewalks and ship like that. But it's like, but
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: mentally you feel like I'm in New York, And especially
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: because you've seen before, it's like, oh, I know what
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: comes with it, especially if you in the neighborhood you've
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: always been in too.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: It's a mindset, but the same, it just felt different.
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: Because I'm like if it's like, could you could you
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: have that Puerto Rico mindset in New York City?
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: No, okay, you got that Puerto Rico mindset in New
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: York City.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: You don't get it alive.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: M you can't do it. That's why when I was
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: in Puerto Rico and Puerto Rico, but when I land
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: and JFK and I smelled that year, I'm back at home.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: Way the air smell from the air smell.
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: You can you know how New York City smell like
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: like when you as a blind person, when you in
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: New York City, as soon as you get off that plane,
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: different you can smell it in the air, New York.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: And Puerto Rico to smell two different ways, two different ways.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: Soon that ain't laying that. I got a whif for
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: that New York smell. It went back into walking through
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: the airport. Let me tell you, my body up just
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: like that, just like that snap back.
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: So New York City is uh, triggers your anxiety a
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: little bit, got you.
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: You gotta be tough to live in New York City.
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: Everybody not made for New York City. Not built for
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: New York City.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: That's true.
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: So it's like big like raised head my whole life
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: and then going to like when I went to Vegas,
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: people will bump you and you'll bump somebody in there
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: say sorry to you.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah for sure. Texas like that too, So then
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: it's rude to bump into people.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: Go to New York, part it self, Yeah, you ain't
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: see me. So it's like you gott will always be
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: on your toes.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: Nigga saying part in itself is crazy.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: And I was I said that numerous times, but.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: You're saying that, like, nigga, pardon you.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, part in yourself one thousand percent, part in yourself,
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: one thousand part. Move to the side, like are you
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: talking and you you talking in the middle of cyberg Up.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: Now you're a part self. Give me a pushing. They move,
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: keep a pushing. But it's like in Vegas, I didn't
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: go through that and puler Rico, I didn't have to
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: go through that.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So it's like you got it's like the.
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: The mind frame of New York you gotta be tough.
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: Well, you know, it's crazy because in these cities that
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: we're living in, whether it's New York, Dallas, Chicago, Los Angeles,
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: it puts a it puts a person into a mode
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: of survival. It puts a person into survival mode. But
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: us as black people, we look at survival and success
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: is the same thing a lot of the time, because
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: it's like any day that I'm above ground is it's
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: a win.
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: It's a win, you know what I mean.
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: But it's fucked up though, because like eventually, like I
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: was saying about the soft life, you eventually you you
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: stay in that long enough to hopefully one day get
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: out of it, and then you can look back and
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: you can realize, like, oh, surviving and success is not
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: necessarily the same thing, or at least you graduate beyond.
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: That place when you realize it no longer it's a
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: part of your life. You shouldn't just want to sell
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: out no more. You should want to win.
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: But that's what the soft life is about, you know
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: what I mean, Because like when I listen, when I
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: first came to New York, coming to New York.
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: Really taught me.
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: It was a lot of ways I had like a
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: survivor's mentality, and I needed to let go of a
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: lot of that shit because it wasn't service actually hurting me,
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, Because like when I first
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: got to New York.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: I realized when it didn't help that I was in
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: a new place. But two I realized, like I have
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: a very.
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: Anxious way of like perceiving the world and seeing things,
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like I think I not
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: as much anymore, but still very much so, though but
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: not as much anymore. Like I think about violence and
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: danger all the time, you know what I mean. I'm
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: constantly thinking about like what if this happened?
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: Like I see somebody and I think that though it's not,
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: but it is though. So it's like again to black people,
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: surviving and success is the same thing, right, So at
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: one point in your life, you're thinking like that to
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: stay ahead of the curve, right, you know what I mean,
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: So you can make sure you got you got a
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: good chance of preventing something bad happening, and that's a
• 46:30
  Speaker 3: good thing. But you've eventually got to understand, let's say
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: you have one hundred thoughts today, Let's say one hundred,
• 46:40
  Speaker 3: Let's say eighty.
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: Or fifty of those thoughts went into like I need
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: to survive.
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: This is what I gotta do just in case something
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: happened in my case, I was thinking about what if
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: I'm on the street and somebody trying to hurt me?
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: What am I prepared to do? You know what I mean?
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: But you go through that whole day and it never happened. Though,
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: you get what I'm saying.
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: Because it never happened, your mind doesn't necessarily understand the
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: difference between what you're preparing for that didn't happen versus
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: what did happen, because on a biological level, you're in
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: preparation for it to happen as if it did.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's like being safety and sorry.
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: It is right.
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: Indeed, this is the survivor's mentality though, you know what
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: I mean, Because that's why it's so complicated being a
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: black person though, because on one half it's exactly what
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: the fuck you just said, you know, I mean, it's
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: better safe than sorry. But there's another half. But this
• 47:31
  Speaker 3: is the side of surviving though, the other side of
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: living and thriving is understanding that you're hurting yourself by
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: being prepared for stuff that's not happening.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: Now, I get it by growing up in New York City,
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: growing up in Brooklyn, the way I was raising everything.
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: It's times when I walk and I've just seen a nigga.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: I'm like, he gonna try something. And I woke and
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: it's just like the pace I woke slantest cloud like
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: in the corner of my eye, got to see everything
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: you're doing. I crossed the street one day. I'm walking.
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: I'm walking slant him. I'm like, all right, he just
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: looking like he's trying to do bust some move on me.
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: I crossed the street. He crossed the street. That's okay,
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: I'm walking. I said, I see what I see what
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: it is. Mina is two thirty three o'clock in the morning,
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: going home. I'm like, I know what I'm gonna do.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: When I hit this corner, I'm gonna tear ass. I
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: been the corner. Once I bit the corner, I started
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: running crossing the street. And as I'm running, he bent
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: the corner too, but he don't thinking. I'm just walking
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: already to ask, so I already know what you're trying
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: to do, not on me, not on my watch, chap,
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: And it's like, I don't know what you got on you, nap.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: I know you had not, I would whipped your I
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: would have stayed right there to your turn. I would
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: have whipped your ass. But for you to sit and
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: following me, you gotta have something on you. Nah, I'm
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: going once I to ask, and I said, he been
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: the corner with me. All right, call to your ass.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: I ain't gonna stop you. You're gonna waste your time
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: running and to go from there. But it's the monster
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: living in New York? Am I stay living in Brooklyn,
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: in the ghettos and the HUDs, like I got it.
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: I always I don't think the worst, but I always
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not naive to it either.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: So let me ask you this.
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: If you lived in another neighborhood in New York that
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: was less known for violence, Let's say you lived in
• 49:22
  Speaker 3: that neighborhood for a whole year, do you think something
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: like that, being in a different environment would help you
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: start to kind of peel.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: From thefl Yeah. No, you still gotta be on your
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: does because different environment, different crime, And it may not
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: be the crime that you used to but it's a
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: different type of crime.
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: Though. What if you, like in Williamsburg or something like that,
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: still go down in Willisburg? Okay?
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: What if you in like Carroll Gardens, a green point
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: should probably still go down over there? You just don't
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: hear about it should still probably go down in Puerto Rico.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: We I just don't know.
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: But that's my whole point though. So it's like you're
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: gonna carry that mentality like everywhere you.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: Go because bro, listen, listen, gotta I gotta be prepared it.
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: Listen, Bro, listen, trust me when I say, you're not
• 50:04
  Speaker 3: talking to a nigga, like, what was that the the
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: other day?
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: Who was doing the episode?
• 50:08
  Speaker 3: You like, somebody was like wolf in the suburbs, suburbs,
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean. I ain't from the fucking suburbs.
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: So it's like, trust me, bro, you're not talking to
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: a nigga who had a spoon, you know what I mean.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: But but.
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: This this way of thinking though, you know what I.
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: Mean, it's like it's not it's not beneficial. And I
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: understand why it's necessary at times, you know, because at
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: the end of the day, it's like my nigga, I
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: gotta make it home.
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: So that's my that's my main biggest focus.
• 50:36
  Speaker 3: But I think, I think, and it's in a lot
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: of ways, I can't really speak to this because I
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: didn't grow up in an area that is like us
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: as as vicious as New York like Dallas, got his
• 50:48
  Speaker 3: own version of violence.
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: That, of course is violence everywhere for you know what
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: I mean.
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: But I would say places like New York and Los
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: Angeles and like places like Chicago, it's different, you know
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: what I mean.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: It's like another one too.
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: It's way more concentrated. So there's a level of this
• 51:03
  Speaker 3: that I really can't speak to. And and I understand that.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: You don't know when I turn it off.
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: When I walk through them.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: When I walk through my building, dolls and that door closed.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: I I'm good, man, I'm good safe. Yeah, it's sixteen
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: apartments in my building.
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: Each one of these apartments is willing to help me
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: if I need help.
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm. If you gotta knock on somebody door, I
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: knock on somebody door.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: But when I'm in that building, I'm not worrying about
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: if somebody in this building waiting for me. I'm not
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: worried about somebody behind the stairs, not wear about somebody
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: on the roof. I walk in that building, I'm not
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: worry about nothing. It's like I'm safe. I come in
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: the house four or five in the morning. I don't
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: know who in that building that whole way. When I
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: walk upstairs, I walk upstairs no care in the world,
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: taking my keys out. I don't even be paying attention.
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: I'll be on the phone, laughing and all that. I
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: might listen to, no foot steps, none of that. To
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: put the key in, I go on my building. It's
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: one time. I'm walking up the stairs. He just came
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: in from the party and walking up the stairs and
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: I'm counting my money and I heard movements in the
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: hall way. Put my money in my pocket. I put
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: my phone in my pocket. I'm just listening to some more.
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: And then I'm walking. It's like four in the morning,
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: so take my keys out. And then as I'm walking
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: to my floor, I started hearing the movements again. So
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: I'm like, if this is not not attendant person, if
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: it is somebody here, they don't know I'm blind. Walk
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: up the stairs. I said, you ready to die? And
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: then I heard my baby brother boys. I said, you
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: better stop doing it like that. You're about to get
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: yourself fucked up just now. And said, oh no, not
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: like what the fuck are you doing in the hallway?
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: And she's like, oh, I left my keys or how
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: was you coming in here? Like I said, yo, you
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: better stop doing that ship because you could. It could
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: have went bad for you just now. And I just
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: went in my building. But I'm not worried about it.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: It's times I went. I was drunk and from the
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: sleep on my step on the floor of my building,
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: on the floor I live on. I might let me
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: just sit ahead because I was so drunk, I ain't
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: even I could never put the keys in the door.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: Might let me sleep here for a little man, sleep
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: some of this shit off. Seven eight o'clock. The man
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: I like, tapped my lady like, Chris, you are right,
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: give me your keys. Let me help you open the door.
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: So now I was, I was saying at this time,
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: opening door, gave my keys, all right, thank you, mister Jimmy.
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: He ain't not no problem. You're young, you having fun
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: like cool, went inside. I closed the door, locked that
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: went in the room, took my clothes off. I'm safe.
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: I ain't worried about nobody robbing me or sticking me
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: up or doing no harm in my building.
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: Now that's what that's what home is for.
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: I'm safe and feel good, and not even just to
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: say my my building, my block. I feel safe when
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: I'm on my block because why it's nothing but love
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: over there. Everybody's watched me grow up, from the gangsters
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: to the crackheads, to the drunks to the elderly. They
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: all watch me grow up the corner stall like they
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: watched me grow up generations. Now they watching my son
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: grow up. So it's like I'm not worried about nothing.
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: When I'm on my block. It's straight love. Like I
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: come downstairs in it, they jump the help, you need help?
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: Where you gonna you need? You got a cab out
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: here walking to the cap. Yeah. So it's like I
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: feel good. I want my block down to the people
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: that that that's up to no good. They not even
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: doing no bullshit to me. They sat that they talk
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: and you need help, you need something from the store.
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: I got you, Like, I'm good, bro. It's like I'm
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: just catching some mere I ain't no problem. They go
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: about their way.
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: You think if you had like the money to move
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: with your move right now out of New York, were
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: out of.
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: That out of that building. I don't know even if
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: you have the money, Yeah, I don know. Like I
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: got twenty thousand to blow like on a new place.
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: The new place is not my place.
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: When I move.
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: I love where i'm at. I'm comfortable while i'm at.
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: I'm safe while i'm at, So it's like and then
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: the community is the neighborhood is good. So it's like
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: what I'm moving for. I feel good.
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: Down to the delivery. People knows me.
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: They know my condition. When they putting the money in
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: my hand, they tell me what they're putting in my head?
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: Why would I leave that?
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's real. I don't know, that's real.
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: I would not leave that at all. From the corner
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: store to the Chinese restaurant, to the Spanish restaurant to
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: the chicken spot, I don't got to tell them.
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: And they know they're going. You think you're gonna spend
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: the rest of your life on the block.
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: When I signed that contract, I can't different text bracket.
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: I gotta I gotta get going.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah nah, I don't know.
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: You gotta gotta grow one day, you gotta grow. You
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: gotta grow out of that right man with And it's
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: like I signed that big there. I gotta. I gotta
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: take my son out of this so he can see
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: something better.
• 56:00
  Speaker 3: That's gonna be interesting because I can see how because
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: this neighborhood. You've been in this neighborhood your whole life,
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: and so even when you could see, you were there,
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: so without your vision, you still feel very familiar. And
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: I'm sure that's a really important feeling for you.
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: It's like I know where everything's supposed to be. The
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: building is still here, I know what this building look like,
• 56:25
  Speaker 3: I know the voices of the people to move into.
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: Like all of that be changed. I can imagine that
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: being a challenge all the way.
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like I could be herb be next to a
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: down to a person that's playing on me. They're just
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: sitting out there waiting for me to come in. I
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: will never feel safe until I get inside of.
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: My door of my apartment. Yeah, I hope that.
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: I hope that eventually one day that mentality becomes less
• 56:53
  Speaker 3: and less of a thing for me.
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: It would never.
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: I won't even work on it.
• 56:59
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, no, don't say never, because I
• 57:01
  Speaker 3: think again, as black people, we got to live these
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: multi dimensional life lifestyles.
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: So again, like I'm I'm a type of person, bro,
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: you know, I don't.
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: Know, I get what you're saying, But people is wicked. Nah.
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: No, But that's what I'm saying though too.
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: It's like because sometimes emotions are a double ed sword
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: every single time, right, and you can't feel something for
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: somebody that you don't feel inside of your body, and
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: so there's an there's an exchange happening at all times, right,
• 57:36
  Speaker 3: And it's difficult to try to rationalize with somebody who
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: live in a dangerous neighborhood to not feel that, because
• 57:41
  Speaker 3: it was like, but then who won't be there for
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: me when I got my my, my, my guard all
• 57:47
  Speaker 3: the way down and then somebody try to get the
• 57:49
  Speaker 3: up get the drop on me, and now look at me.
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: I was fucking around, moving around, goofy, acting like ship
• 57:54
  Speaker 3: was sweet, you know what I mean?
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: That?
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: And that's what No, that no, that I understand.
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: But at the same time, though, it comes a place
• 58:01
  Speaker 3: in your life where you gotta make a choice to
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: find a way to bring more peace into your life,
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean. And then also it's about
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: at some point given.
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: A little bit more.
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: Huh grace, No, not grace, hell no, giving a little
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: a little bit more space for God to cook just
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: a little bit more, you know what I mean.
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: Because it's like.
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: I get it, but getting shot, I ain't giving that.
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: I ain't giving that. I ain't even holding you. Get shot,
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: gotta stop you right there.
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: I ain't like, go cook no.
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: Money. Now it's off for me to take over the parts. No,
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: hell no, hell no, I'm going to build it. I'm like, hey,
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: how are you doing with the Hey, I'll be like,
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: I hope he ain't think an pushed me inside. I
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: whipping ass like I ain't within none of that.
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: You know what?
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: Let me let me say something, m h, I don't
• 59:02
  Speaker 3: mean to be insensitive at all, bro, because you know what, Bro, honestly,
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: you dead.
• 59:07
  Speaker 2: Ass got shot. Bro, like helitized, Bro, I ain't fucking
• 59:11
  Speaker 2: around with nothing, you know what? Like, I don't mean
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: to be insensitive at all.
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: Now you're not You're not being insensitive because like we
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: just living. We're living in two different words. It's like
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: maybe if I could see it, it'd be different, but
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: me being like where I am not, ain't gonna lie.
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: I don't even trust to overeats, don't dash niggers.
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: And it's like, bro, like when you think about trauma,
• 59:31
  Speaker 3: trauma is such a popular word in this era that
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: we're living in right now because we all kind of
• 59:35
  Speaker 3: starting to realize that we all have some right and
• 59:37
  Speaker 3: it's it's different levels to trauma, right, but I would
• 59:40
  Speaker 3: say your your trauma is like one of the highest
• 59:44
  Speaker 3: that somebody could experience, like one of the highest categories.
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: So it's like, I'm gonna let that shit happen to
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: get Nah, can't cook with me, cook on somebody else.
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: It's over. It's over because it's time of overeats. Like God,
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: you had your chance, you had it, won't have it again.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: So it's time when uber eats and all that come.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: I closed the door before I turned my back and
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: walk up the stairs one time, like I'll go down
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: and there get the food. So I let the dog
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: go and I'm walking, but the door didn't close, and
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: I had to I had the food in one hand
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: and I had to drink in the next hand. So
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: I heard somebody. Somebody came in behind me. Your hands occupied,
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: So in my mind is it's the Uber eat. Nigga
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: turned around, I said, will fuck you up the gudment?
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: Let No, No, it's me, Bro, it's me. I'm like,
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: oh ship my bag, I thought you do bro? He
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: like no, no, no, he started laughing. It almost went down.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 2: But why your first response not like like oh you
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: need something else, Like.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: No, it ain't nothing else. What you're coming behind me
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: for you?
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: What do you think?
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 3: So if it was the Uber eat nigga, what do
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: you think? I mean, like you said, there's no reason,
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: I don't know, like you're still paring.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: Niggas don't speak English and none of that. I don't
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: know what you capable. I'm gonna beat your ass.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: Huh, you're still paranoid.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: That's not paranoids being cautious.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: You're paranoid.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: Bro is cautious.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: You're a paranoid.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: I can't see what's going on.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 3: It's more than just cautious. Cautious is just like awareness.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 3: But you paranoid because like this is the second story
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 3: you to share with me that you wasn't you was
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 3: cautious about something, but because you don't got no space
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 3: for misinterpretation, your first reaction with violence.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's always going to lead to that.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: That's paranoid.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: It's always going to lead to that.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: It's more than caution.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: Why I'm gonna let you know blind, I'm going to
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: work you. I'm going to It's never going to be
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: another chance to see down in the hospital. I don't
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: know your assid it's either my life for yours. It's
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: going to be you're still going to be yours.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: You're still paranoid and you know it rightfully. So Bro,
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: that's what I said earlier, Like none of that.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 3: I don't mean to be insensitive because it's like your
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 3: situation is just so much more drastically different.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: So I get it.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: I get it.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 3: But you know what I'm gonna be with nothing. I'm
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: gonna be one thing. I'm gonna be praying you just
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: you just gave me something to add to the prayer list.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna be praying that that the paranoia come out
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 3: of me. Yeah for sure, that definitely the paranoia. And
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: then just like the right, the right events get set
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 3: up in your life where you can feel comfortable with
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 3: taking a handoff and listen, the most important thing about
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 3: me saying all this, Bro, I understand Bro as a
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 3: black man, I don't know. This is really sad to
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 3: be honest, but like, I don't know if the hand
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 3: will ever really be off because we because there's too
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: many threats to us, even if you're living in a
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 3: good neighborhood. Okay, well, now I gotta worry about white
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 3: officers or white people calling the police and being like, like,
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: I remember me and my mom, me, my mom my sister.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: We lived in this house, man, and it was the
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: first time we lived in like an actual house. Right,
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 3: So it's a white neighborhood. And I remember one time
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 3: me and my homies was playing outside in the front.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 3: So there was an apartment complex right behind my house. Literally,
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 3: like there's an alleyway, there's a gate with where our
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 3: backyard was. There's an alleyway, and then on the oppit
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 3: side of the alleyway there's an apartment complex. And that
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 3: shit was just like all the fucking hood kids, all
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 3: the ghetto kids lived there, right, you know, that's the
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 3: best way to explain it, because it's like the neighborhood
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 3: wasn't necessarily the hood. It wasn't the neighborhood, wasn't the
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 3: hood at all, but it was some hood shit going
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 3: on in that apartment complex.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: But that's how I called like it's the ghetto, you
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 3: I think the hood is like a whole neighborhood, and
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 3: the ghetto is like it depends on who you ask,
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 3: you know, what I mean. But anyway, I was friends
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 3: with them niggas because we black, you know what I'm saying.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 3: So I'd be like, yo, I live in a house
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 3: right over here, me and me in the front yard,
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, my mom. And when my
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 3: mom not here, she not allowed me to have company over,
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 3: but we could chill in the front yard. Thought you know,
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 3: I mean, I remember one time somebody called the police,
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 3: bro and the police pulled up while we all in
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 3: the front So of course police pull up, and the
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 3: homies like, hold on, what the fuck? You know what
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 3: I'm saying, what's going on? And I'm like, hold on,
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 3: let me see what's going on. And then the officer
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 3: asked me, yo, like do you live here? I'm like, yeah,
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 3: I live here. That's why we're playing in the front yard,
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 3: you know. And thank god the officers was cool and
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: chill about it, because if they really had that racism
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: in their heart, they could have my mom wasn't home,
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: they could have really pressed that line even further. But
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: it was just the fact that like I was thinking, like, damn,
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 3: we we neighbors. We neighbors, you know what I mean.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 3: I'm like, because whoever made this call. They in their
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 3: house and they can see us, so it's like, why
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 3: the funk would we be in the front. You get
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 3: what I'm saying.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 2: It's like, Oh, it don't matter though we kids skin color,
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: So I understand.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know if ever get over it.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 3: You say, hey, but you but my but my thing
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 3: is I'm in a place in my life and again
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 3: I didn't get shot, so understand that changes everything. But
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 3: I'm in a place in my life where I realized
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 3: I gotta choose me because paranoid thoughts started fucking me up.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean, Like I really be having
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 3: thoughts like like I really do be thinking like a
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 3: nigga could kill me at any moment, Like I really
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 3: feel like that you can.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: I know you can. I was coming from seeing as
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: that got shot.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 3: But what I gotta what I gotta do is I
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 3: gotta understand and Bro again, I gotta keep making this
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 3: disclaimer because I gotta, I gotta. I gotta really let
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 3: you know, Bro, I feel you, bro one hundred percent
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: as much as I fucking can, right.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: Because it's numerous times I have moments like that.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 2: Well it's just like Nigga's like Okay, Well it's like, yeah,
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: trust God and all that, but I you know, I
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 2: wasn't not trusting God when I got shot three times.
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: People like, yeah, trust God. But I said that said
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: like no disrespect, and people might look at it like, wait,
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 1: how can you say that. No.
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 2: I feel I'm not gonna pump.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: My life in God hands while I'm walking on this earth.
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: I'm a defendant. The way I defend it. The way
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: I defend it might not be God liking, but I'm
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: a defenditi way I defend it.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 3: I think that God understands the severity of what happened
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 3: to you, and I think that guy understands that you
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 3: need time and very specific things to happen in life
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 3: for you to ever get to a place where you
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 3: could even have the thought of putting the trust back
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 3: for God's.
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: Hand, Oh yeah, being free, like yeah, trust.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 3: That you do your part up there. I'm gonna do
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 3: my part down here, and I think that's what it
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 3: should be. Like I was on the phone my mom earlier.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 3: You know, my mom is a big proponent of you know,
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 3: my mom got a super super strong relationship with God,
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 3: and sometimes like her relationship leans toward like you know
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 3: got to do it. The wait God to do it,
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 3: and I'll be like, I'm gonna do it. Yeah, I
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 3: don't gotta wait on God because God give us free will.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: People say that, I don't say, not understand myself. Yeah,
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it, and I ain't gonna he doing
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: enough about waking up in the morning. It's not like
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: one time the Rising Man, I believe it with the
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: Rising Man boom, I'm coming out the door. He in
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: the hallway, but he's not saying nothing. He's on my
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: floor but not saying nothing. But despite the sense is tingling,
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: I said, somebody in this hallway. Well, I came out,
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: I closed the door and I'm just fumbling with the
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: keys because it's like a right, who is what they
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: were trying to do? I ain't know who the rising man?
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: So he said that, he said he's now he talks.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: He said, do you know where the main line at
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: the cable and all that. I'm like, no, I said,
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: but when you see somebody in the whoway, you should
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: have talked. That should have been the first thing you
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: do is just say how you doing? You need you look,
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: you need help or something. He said, I'm so sorry.
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: I locked the door and all that, and I'm just
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: like just locked the door, and I'm just saying, like
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: plotting on somebody in his building. I don't know who
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: you are. These people be set up there and the
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: ups and all that and rush somebody crib or paranoid.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 1: It's like I locked the door and I'm started walking
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: down the stairs and I'm walking down and he's still there.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: I waited for a minute and then I went to no,
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: it's like, I parent up. I just kept.
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 2: One time.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: Big mother left out my crib early. And then she
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: calls me. But I just came in not too long ago.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: But I'm drunk, so she calls me. I answered. She
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: calls me again. I'm like, yo, she said, Yo, it's
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: somebody in your building. So somebody in my building, yeah,
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: I said, don white. She said, they just sitting on
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: the stoopid. When I came out, they started walking down
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: the stairs. I said, he was sitting on the stage
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: like yeah. I'm like all right, I said, just stay
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: right there. He's like all right, So she she looking
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: at She said, he walked in the back of the
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: building like he went down and walked in the back
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: of the steps like cool. I put my sweatpants on,
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: put it, I put my gloves on. So now she
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 1: walking down the this and that, and I left the
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: dope and so you can't hear your closing none of that.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 1: So you really can't tell two people coming down the
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: stairs because as she walked, I'm walking down the stairs,
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: like we walking down together. So when she get down,
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: he peeked his head. I said, what the fuck are
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: you doing in this building? It was a bomb, like
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: the door was open downstairs. So he just like needed
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: somewhere the crash, He said, oh no, you know, I
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: just needed somewhere.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 2: Just turn the thir I said, I don't know what
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: you about. Get up out this building.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: And then he's walking. He just put it here like
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: please don't hit me, Please don't hit me, please just
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: please upright, not this guy, Just get up out this building,
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: like this building is not for that. You can smoke
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 1: crack up, don't smoke cracking here. He left out the building.
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: But it's like, now, what if I didn't do that,
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: whould just say what he would have like grabbed up
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: and tried to do We're not doing that in here,
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: Like my building has got cameras all over that bitch,
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: so so it's like you would have got caught. But
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: he's like, no, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: never I will never come back in this building no
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: more because I'm acting like I got signed on me,
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: so he please please be Definitely, they definitely be doing that.
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 2: So I then lived in the building in the Bronx.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 3: Before, where people would like routinely be in the lobby
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 3: and like there was radiators in the lobby, so they'll
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 3: be in a lobby getting warm, keeping warm, you know
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 3: what I'm saying. Or they'd be like I've seen a
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 3: lady one time it was snowing. She was drying her
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 3: fucking jacket on the radiators, but she was down there
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 3: like dancing and ship.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 2: Like that like on some wow shit, you know wow
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 2: what they're thinking.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, listen, I just want to make I just
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 3: want to I just want to make this point because
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 3: I don't listen. I don't disagree with nothing you saying, bro,
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 3: but like I really hope that one day you can
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 3: get to a place when it makes sense, when it
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 3: makes sense, you know what I'm saying. Because I don't
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 3: think you should rush to be moved out of nothing,
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 3: because the reality is we live in these realities where
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 3: danger is like infinitely possible. And that's just what it
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 3: is to be a black man to It's one to
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 3: be a black man and two to be a black
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 3: man in certain kind of neighborhoods.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 2: So that's just what it is.
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 3: You know, you gotta move smart because nigga's a lot
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 3: of dumb niggas around. But I pray that one day
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 3: you can get to a place where you really understand
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 3: that as of right now, it's this way of thinking
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 3: it's beneficial to you, but one day it won't. And
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 3: that's gonna be the crazy part, like when you realize,
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 3: like damn, like I really did leave. I'm not even
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 3: in that neighborhood no more, but I still feel this way,
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 3: and you're gonna start to understand like you kind of
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 3: become like a prisoner in your own body in the
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 3: sense because it's like your reality don't necessarily reflect the
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 3: internal reality that you living in. And that's something that
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 3: and this sounds weird, but that's something that I experienced
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 3: in New York ironically, right, because it's like so many
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 3: people feel how you feel in New York and me
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 3: being an outsider. I don't heard so many crazy stories
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 3: from people who live here, so many stories bro about
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 3: people getting ribbed. I don't heard stories from niggasho hit
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 3: the robbin. I dodn't heard stories from niggas who don't
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 3: got ribbed, you know what I mean. I done heard
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 3: all types of shit.
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: So this player love, right, So this.
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 3: Place is definitely not a fucking fairy tale pop off
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 3: my neck. But at the same time, though, I started
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 3: developing my level of like internal peace here, you know
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 3: what I mean. And that's really just about the grace
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 3: of God because I didn't heard so many terrible stories
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 3: that it's like, you know, you never really know when
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 3: a nigga going nigga.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 2: I was when I lived in the Bronx.
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 3: I would take the six all the way up uh
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 3: to one sixty first and I would walk past Yankee
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 3: Stadium to get to my house every day, Right, it
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 3: was just the everyday thing. I'd be working late nights here.
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 3: I go there every single day. But one night we
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 3: was all in the living room. I got the four roommates.
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 3: One of my roommates came in the crib running this
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 3: shit and he was just like, Bro, there was two niggas.
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 3: That was I feel like they was chasing me off
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 3: the train. It's like, damn for real, Like to me,
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 3: that was like I take that walk every day. That
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 3: could have been me, you know what I mean. So
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 3: of course it could all always be you, you know,
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 3: but somehow call it delusion, call it whatever. It probably
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 3: is delusion. But I've been able to find some peace
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 3: here because first of all, I realized I had a
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 3: problem once I got here, you know what I mean.
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 3: And then I was doing work. It's certain books I
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 3: was reading too, but I started doing work to just
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 3: take one finger off, you know what I mean, because
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 3: I be paranoid for shit that's not happening, and it's
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 3: it's creating anxiousness in my body. My nervous system is
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 3: getting fucked.
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 2: Up, you know what I mean.
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 3: I can't really, I can't really heal, you know what
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 3: I mean, I can't really you get what I'm saying.
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 3: So it's it's it's tough because it's like sometimes you
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 3: don't got an option to be all the way out
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 3: to even have them type of thoughts yet too, So
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 3: I understand that. But that's that's something that I hope
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 3: that you experience one day because as I'm undoing some
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 3: of the the paranoia in my mind.
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 2: I realized, like, Damn, I was living hard, bro. I
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: was living hard.
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 3: I bro was I was prepared for danger for one
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 3: hundred days and danger never came to me, you know
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 3: what I mean. And that's when you be like, Damn,
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 3: that's that's tough. But your situation is so different because
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 3: it's like now I got shot nigga, the fun it's
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 3: a different ball game.
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 1: Whenever changed when I got contract shooters around me. Right
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: when I got contract shooters, I ain't paranoid. No, until then,
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 1: I always be on my toes.
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 2: No, it's a real thing.
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: Always things don't sound right to me. I just like
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 1: all I'm a parent fears it ain't move right. You
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: walk behind me too, I'm like a Damn, I ain't
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 1: walking around me yet, Like be moving? Why you walking
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 1: around me? Like what do you want to stay behind
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: me for? Let me move to the side you walk?
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I got wrong like that.
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it's like I just be cautious. She's of Brooklyn.
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 1: Got to be cautious.
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 2: You gotta be cautious.
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 1: Gotta be cautious.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, listen, man, for no slip ups. Quick, let me
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: ask you something before we get out of here real quick.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 3: And I'm still trying to see if I get this
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 3: motherfucking chicken sounds I know that sounds crazy. You ever
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 3: look at a couple. You ever look at a couple
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 3: and can just tell that they're not gonna work? You
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 3: ever be around a couple and you can just tell
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 3: they're not gonna work?
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 1: Hell?
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah? How can you tell?
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 1: Should be toxic as fuck? But you're still facing it
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: to work? And it's not. It's not it?
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 2: How can you tell even though you can't see him? Like,
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 2: how do you be knowing?
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: It's like the energy that they're giving each other tells
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: me like if they're not for each other, Like and
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: so far I've been getting it ready. Yeah, I'm like, nah,
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 1: it ain't for you though. It's just like especially when
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: you know a person like I like, I could know you,
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 1: but I don't gotta know like y'r yr girl or
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 1: whatever the case may be. But just knowing you and
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: I see how this person is taking you out of
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 1: your element. I'm like your brothers, she's not for you? Yeah,
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 1: if I know you, calm If a person got to
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 1: make you ras, it's your voice and act like something
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: that you normally not a Yo, bro, you gotta maybe
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 1: you gotta step back. Even though you may feeling this girl,
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: she might not be for you. You got two different people.
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: She wants this, you want that. It's like, nah, I guess.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: Plenty of times I told homies, I ain't gonna say names,
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 1: but I'm like, she's not for you, bro, she just
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: did for what you got right now. Nah nah nah bro,
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 1: it ain't like that. Ain't like that. I'm telling you, bro,
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 1: like that. But when it's gone, what happened?
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 2: Who you with?
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 1: You? With me? Now? You still you back with me?
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 1: And she living our life like shit that they oh,
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: I don't do this now they doing it with somebody else,
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 1: like how do you feel? And it's times I warn
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 1: homies like, yo, bro, don't do this, don't do that.
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 1: Yet they still did it and it came back and
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 1: bite up in their ass. It's just I go off energy.
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: I read energy. I read a person all bro, and
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 1: they really for you if you're doing something dumb and
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: if they barking on you like yo, why are you
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 1: doing this this? And the third that's the person that
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: care for you they wouldn't be going that now. A
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: person that don't care for you, they don't care if
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 1: you're doing something dumb or knight. Can they benefit off it?
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 1: That's all they care about. If you set this to
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 1: a baby map saying out, I could rob this bank
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 1: and I know I could get away with it, and
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 1: she don't have a problem with that, you know what
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 1: she's there for.
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 3: I could usually tell when a couple not gonna work,
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 3: like you said, when the energy is just not right.
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 3: And I'm not talking about I know couples argue. So
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 3: sometimes y'all could have y'all, y'all could be disagreeing on something.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 3: Y'all could have just came from a misunderstanding.
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 1: Every damn time is like yeah.
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 3: But it's like, but sometimes the energy just be like
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 3: like sometimes I see a motherfucker that be holding hands
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 3: down the street, but they do they look like they
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 3: don't even want to be there. You know, look, especially
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 3: you could it's the woman, bro. You could always tell
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 3: through the woman the guy too.
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 2: Obviously.
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 3: I mean really, I take that back, because you could
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 3: tell through both of them, you know what I mean.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 3: But when a woman just looking like actually, I take
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 3: that back because she could just be upset for me
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 3: your reasons to be really what I'm.
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: Saying there, it's like y'all walking and it's like she
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 1: kind of walking behind you, and it's.
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 2: Like y'all both just looking happy, like y'all feel like
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 2: y'all have to do this.
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, y'all trying to prove a point that like
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 1: y'all at work or something like, y'all trying to prove
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 1: a point that this could work. Yeah, y're trying too hard.
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 1: You're not y'all not happy, Like.
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 3: Neither one of y'all can be our best self when
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 3: y'all around people. And that's a telltale sign because it's like, damn, like,
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 3: I know, you're probably way cooler than this, but you
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 3: stuck in this emotion because.
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 1: You're around this person. This person can bring your energy
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: down and you can see been there, and you can
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: see different patterns been there that person. You're like, Damn,
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 1: this ain't no to you, So why you moving like this? Bro?
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 1: That person can bring the person's spirit down. Yeah, get
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 1: rid of the nigga, get rid of up. I say
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 1: the whole way I said it, like, gotta get rid
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 1: of it. You gotta start all over. No, more way
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 1: people twenty five. I keep wearing people out of your life.
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 2: Man, So we're gonna take Shorty on the day before
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 2: we get out of here. And what's up with that?
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 2: This Nigga's scared, bro, I ain't never scared of nothing.
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 1: Scared. You know. I just gotta way down.
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 3: You know you gotta go way down. Did you send
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 3: it the last episode? You see what I'm talking. You
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 3: see what I'm saying.
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 1: I ain't even do it. It's crazy, think about it.
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 1: I ain't even do it. I'm quite sure she heard it.
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 2: Though Nigga sent it a fucking episode.
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna send them get out of the matter.
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 2: Fact.
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm gonna sit.
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 2: Down and get out.
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: I wasn't last time. I'm mna send other question too.
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 1: Like I was watching to dig that somebody said at
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 1: your acts, if you were to get married, can they
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 1: sit in the front row and can they sit in
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 1: the front row and be happy for you? They say no,
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: but I mean they didn't get over you. Right, Let's
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: see what the ans gonna be me or nothing. I
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: was like, I woke your ey.
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 2: I'm the one that's giving you away.
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: I'm doing it all because you're really happy, Yo, certain people,
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: I want you to be happy.
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 2: I want everybody to be happy, Yo, that's the goal.
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 1: Real everybody happy to world is a better place?
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 2: Where's a better place? Sound like Gospel of Me?
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: Hello? Where can they find you up?
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 2: Man?
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 3: Don't worry about me, man, worry about this podcast. Support
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 3: this podcast. If you're listening and you at the end
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 3: of the podcast right now, send a message to the
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 3: blind but now I see Instagram account, send a message.
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 3: Let us know, yo, I really enjoyed this podcast episode.
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 2: Let us know.
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 3: We're trying to get the special people who wanna be
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 3: a part of all the special things when it happens.
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 3: So if you made it this far because a lot
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 3: of my blind because use a motherfucking blind step, because
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 3: a lot of niggas don't make it this far in
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 3: podcast episode, it's weird.
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 2: I finish it anything I start. I have a I
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 2: feel like I got an obligation.
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 3: To finish to you know what I mean too, just
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 3: to see what direction like, even if it's not that great,
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 3: like I'm gonna it just can't be terrible.
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 2: As long as it's not terrible, I'm gonna finish it.
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 1: So I got I gotta finish it because I want
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 1: to see what direction with angle you're going in and
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: everything else, so signed out too, But I just want
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 1: you to know when you're stepping out there and purpose.
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 1: They just know that every step you take is going
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 1: to be great. Don't wait to see it, just move
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 1: it my step.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 2: Peace,