Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Is Never Available
Transcript
- Lucas: There's a particular kind of difficult boss that doesn't yell, doesn't micromanage, doesn't take credit — they're just never there. Luna: The ghost manager. Lucas: Exactly. And I think it's actually more insidious than it sounds, because on paper, a boss who stays out of your hair sounds like a dream. But when you need a decision, a sign-off, a piece of information — and they're in back to back meetings from 8 a.m. until 6 p.m., then flying to a conference — your work just stalls. Luna: I've been there. I had a VP once who attended maybe three of our twelve weekly check-ins over a quarter. And every time I needed a yes or no, I was waiting anywhere from four days to two weeks. Lucas: Right. So let's actually anchor this in a specific case. I was talking to a product manager at a mid-size SaaS company — about 400 employees, series B. She needed a go-ahead from her VP of product to launch a feature that had already been delayed two months. Luna: Classic. Lucas: She sent a Slack message. Nothing. She sent an email. Nothing. She booked 15 minutes on the VP's calendar — he cancelled three times. Total elapsed time: six weeks. The feature launch eventually missed the quarter because the VP literally never gave the green light. Luna: So what did she do? Lucas: She started using what I call the 'decision memo' technique. Instead of asking for a meeting, she wrote a one-page brief — the context, the options, her recommendation — and sent it with a subject line that said 'Decision needed by or I'll proceed with option A.' Luna: That's bold. Did it work? Lucas: It did. The VP read it during a boarding queue and replied with 'Option A is fine.' That was the first decision in months. Luna: Okay, but that only works if your boss actually trusts you enough to give you that authority. What if they don't? Lucas: That's a fair pushback. The decision memo only works if you have a baseline level of trust. If your boss second-guesses everything, you need a different tactic. But in this case, the problem wasn't trust — it was the bottleneck of their time. Luna: So you're saying the technique is specifically for the 'too busy to decide' boss, not the 'doesn't trust you' boss. Lucas: Exactly. And there's data to back up how common this is. Microsoft released a workplace trends study in 2023 that found 57% of employees who describe their manager as 'very busy' report that decision-making slows down significantly. It's a structural problem, not just a personality quirk. Luna: So the decision memo is one tool. What's another? Lucas: A 'scheduled escalation' protocol. You and your boss agree upfront: if a decision hasn't been made within X days, it automatically escalates to the next level. The boss has to sign off on the protocol when things are calm, not when they're in a crisis. Luna: That's interesting because it removes the emotional weight of 'I'm going over your head.' It's pre-agreed. Lucas: Exactly. It's a process, not a complaint. And the beauty of it is, most bosses who are overwhelmed actually appreciate it — it takes the guilt off them for forgetting. Luna: And if your boss refuses to agree to any kind of protocol? What then? Lucas: Then you have to ask yourself whether the problem is just busyness or whether it's a form of neglect. At a certain point, chronic unavailability becomes a dereliction of responsibility. And that might be a sign to start looking elsewhere. Luna: I think that's the hardest part — distinguishing between a boss who's overwhelmed and a boss who's checked out. Lucas: Totally. And speaking of value — we deliberately keep this show free of ads. No sponsors, no interruptions. If that kind of independent content matters to you, there's a simple way to support it: buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure, just a way to keep it ad-free. Luna: Yeah, I think that's part of why we can talk about things like the escalation protocol without worrying about pleasing a sponsor. Lucas: Exactly. So back to the distinction — one clue is whether your boss responds to your decision memos at all. If they do, even if it's slow, they're probably just overwhelmed. If they don't even acknowledge them, that's a different story. Luna: And what about the cultural piece? Some companies glorify 'busyness' as a virtue. Lucas: That's a huge factor. If the CEO sends emails at 2 a.m. and expects replies by 7 a.m., then everyone mimics that behaviour. The busy boss isn't just an individual — they're a symptom of a culture that rewards availability over output. Luna: So what do you do if you're in that culture and your boss is unreachable? Lucas: You have to become a better communicator than they are. Document every attempt. Use subject lines like 'Quick decision needed: Project X' and time-stamp everything. That way, when something falls through the cracks, it's clear whose fault it is. Luna: That's almost like building a paper trail for a performance review, but for your boss. Lucas: Exactly. And it's not about blame — it's about clarity. I've seen people use a simple shared tracker: column for decision needed, column for date requested, column for date received. It makes the bottleneck visible without anyone having to say a word. Luna: I like that. It's data, not drama. Lucas: Precisely. So the takeaway for today: if your boss is never available, don't just wait. Use the decision memo to force asynchronous decisions, set up an escalation protocol so delays don't become infinite, and track everything so the bottleneck is visible. And if none of that works, ask yourself if this is a boss worth waiting for. Luna: Or if you're the one who needs to escalate yourself — out the door. Lucas: Right. Sometimes the best way to manage a boss who's never there is to find one who is.