Latest / The Happiness in Retirement® Hour / Embracing Pain, Uncertainty, and Work for a Better Financial Future

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Embracing Pain, Uncertainty, and Work for a Better Financial Future · The Happiness in Retirement® Hour

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Welcome to the Happiness in Retirement podcast, where
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we help you turn your retirement dreams into reality. Each
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week, we'll dive into smart financial strategies, lifestyle
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tips, and expert insights to help you build a fulfilling and
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secure retirement. Whether you're planning ahead or
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already enjoying retirement, this is your go-to place
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for inspiration and practical advice. So sit
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back, relax, and let's make your golden years the
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best years. All
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information has been obtained from sources believed to be reliable, but
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its accuracy is not guaranteed. There is no representation or
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warranty as to the current accuracy, reliability, or
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completeness of, nor liability for, decisions based on
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Hey everyone, Bill Del Sette here. Thank you for joining
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me for this edition of the Happiness in Retirement
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podcast, because the road to retirement should be an adventure, definitely
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not a survival strategy. As you probably know, if you listen
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to this podcast, that we feel, I feel that one of
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the biggest determinants of financial success has
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really nothing to do with numbers and more to do with your mindset.
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And to that end, there is a great book that
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I read recently. by Barry
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Michaels and Phil Stutz called The Tools. And
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today we're going to use some of the concepts in that book,
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The Tools, to help us become better in
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our financial lives. But before we get into that,
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who is Phil Stutz? Well, he is a prominent American
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psychiatrist and author celebrated for his dynamic action-oriented
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therapeutic methods. Formerly a prison psychiatrist at
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Rikers Island, he spent over four decades in private practice,
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gaining global recognition for his unique psychotherapeutic framework
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and his role in the 2022 Netflix documentary
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Stutz. In essence, Phil believes that traditional psychiatry
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is often limited to treating surface-level symptoms rather
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than addressing underlying root causes. So he sought
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to develop actionable techniques for his patients, and alongside
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his co-author Barry Michaels, he developed a results-oriented practice
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utilizing visual tools and the The five primary
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techniques include something called reversal of desire, and
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that's really leaning into pain or consciously choosing to
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lean into discomfort instead of avoiding it.
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We're gonna talk a lot more about that in a future podcast. how
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that relates to financial planning. Active love, another tool, transforming
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negative emotions into feelings of acceptance and love.
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Again, believe it or not, that does relate to financial planning. The
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next tool is in our authority in the book, The Tools, and that's
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building inner confidence to actively counteract fear
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and self-doubt. Man, that's really important when it comes to
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managing investments, especially in downturns, no? something
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called the grateful flow, and that's shifting your
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focus to what you are feeling grateful for in real
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time when you're feeling bad about whatever it may be. There
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is one more tool, and this one we use all the time in life
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planning, although we don't call it as such, jeopardy, and
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that's visualizing potential losses or threats as
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a way to motivate and build. For instance, looking back, visualizing
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yourself, you know, on a rocking chair on your back
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porch at 90 years old and thinking about the person you may
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have been or decisions you could have made. In other words,
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looking at what you might regret. So he's co-authored several
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highly successful books detailing his techniques again. The
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one here is called The Tools. There's another one called Coming Alive. And
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finally, another one called True and False Magic. Now,
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I highly recommend the 2022 documentary called
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Stutz, which is on Netflix. This was directed by his patient
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and his friend Jonah Hill. The film offers viewers a
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deeper look into both his groundbreaking techniques and his own personal journey,
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including his experiences navigating Parkinson's disease,
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and you can read more about his career in therapeutic philosophy directly
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on his official website called Phil Stutz or explore his professional profile
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on Omega Institute. Okay, so that's Phil Stutz.
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I highly recommend reading the book. The Tools. Highly
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recommend reading it or listening to it. Now what does all of this have
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to do with financial planning? Well, in the book The
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Tools, there are three constants that Phil talks about.
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And those three constants, everybody is subject
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to the constants. No one is exempt from these three things. And
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these three things are work, uncertainty
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and pain. So when people think about retirement
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planning, they usually think about their investments, social security taxes
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and income planning. And of course those things are incredibly important
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and we do spend a ton of time helping people navigate them. But
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we have to consider that we can never eliminate work, uncertainty,
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and pain from our lives. Now, at first, that sounds almost depressing, right?
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But I actually find it incredibly helpful. And here's why. Once
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we stop trying to eliminate these three realities, we
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can stop fighting life and start living it. The old saying,
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anytime you try and fight reality, you lose, every
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single time. And I think that lesson is especially important in
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retirement and retirement planning. You see, retirement
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planning is not the end of work. Many people spend 40 years telling
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themselves, If I can just get into retirement, then life will finally become,
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quote, easy. The image is relaxing on the beach with no responsibilities,
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no schedules, no stress, no work. Yeah,
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we all wish. But here's what most retirees discover.
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Retirement doesn't eliminate work. It simply changes the kind of
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work that we do. Instead of working for a paycheck, you
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begin working on your health. Or do you work on your marriage more? Or
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do you work on your friendships? Really, really important if you've listened to
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this podcast. Relationships matter a lot throughout
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life and are highly correlated to good health. How
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about working on staying physically active or working on your purpose?
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Do you work on becoming the kind of grandparent maybe your grandchildren will
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remember? Or do you work on keeping your mind sharp? The
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happiest retirees I've met aren't avoiding work, they're doing meaningful
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work. That's a huge difference. Purpose isn't something you retire
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from, it's something you retire to. Okay, the second
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constant, and isn't this a big one? This one is particularly difficult
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for people who love planning. And if you've been listening to this podcast,
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There's a pretty good chance you're someone who likes planning, right? I
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mean, you want to know, will my investments last? Will markets cooperate? Will
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taxes go up? What about healthcare or long-term care or even inflation?
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Now, no matter how well your financial plan is, you cannot eliminate
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uncertainty, and this is a big issue. This is a big issue.
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I can't remember who the Western Buddhist teacher,
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can't remember his name, but in one of his presentations, he
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talks about how in America, we spend X billions of dollars on
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security a couple of years ago. And then he says,
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good luck. The point being, we can't eliminate uncertainty in
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life, no matter what we do. If we become too conservative with
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our investments, we may be shooting ourselves in the foot. I mean, we
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may avoid volatility. but there's always the chance, a
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good chance in my humble opinion, that you may not earn enough to
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live comfortably throughout your retirement. You've gotta earn enough to keep up with taxes
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and inflation. What about long-term care? Will you
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need care? Inflation, is inflation gonna be 2% or 7%? You
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see, no matter how well your financial plan is built, you cannot eliminate uncertainty.
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How about the markets, huh? Good luck with that. The Market Timers
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Hall of Fame is still empty. People think they can eliminate uncertainty by
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getting out of the market or getting back in. You've got to be right
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twice. When to get out and when to get back in. How about
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governments, huh? They surprise us. Life will surprise us.
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Health will surprise us. Relationships will surprise us.
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You see, one of the greatest gifts of financial planning is uncertainty. It's
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flexibility. A good retirement plan isn't built on perfect predictions.
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It's built on to survive imperfect outcomes.
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I often tell clients that confidence doesn't come from knowing exactly what's going
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to happen. Confidence comes from knowing you'll be okay, even
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if things don't go according to plan. That's a completely different
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mindset. So, work, always gonna be working
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at something. Hopefully, that's not a bad thing. You
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want to stay busy. Uncertainty will always be present
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in life. By the way, Pema Chodron, another Buddhist monk
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or philosopher, I guess you could say, has written quite a few books. She talks
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about how we don't know if something that may seem
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on the surface bad in our lives, a divorce, losing
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your job, whether or not that's ultimately bad or good. You see, a
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lot of things happen in our life that we seem to think are really
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horrible. but they open a new door in life, and
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that uncertainty can actually be a very, very good
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thing. We just, we don't know, and we'll never know. And
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so how we deal with uncertainty and the reality of life,
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and especially when it comes to investing, dealing with that uncertainty and
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not making bad choices as a result of that uncertainty will
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really help you do what you need to do to lead a
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financially successful life. Okay, the third constant, oh
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boy, pain. Nobody likes this. The Tools,
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in Phil Stutz's book, is called The Reversal of
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Desire, and he tells the story of, I think he
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was in college, it might have been high school, where there was
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a star running back, I think, and this guy was just crazy, and
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he was just incredibly an amazing athlete, and
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Phil asked him, he's like, geez, how do you do it? And he said, I
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love pain. He said, I love pain. When I
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see myself in a situation on the field, and
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I know I've got to do some hard things. He said, I
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tell myself I love pain and pain sets
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me free. Kind of crazy, huh? But it's true. Anything in
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life that is worth anything comes with a
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lot of work and maybe even some pain. Exercise, the
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pain of having to eat right. Man, that's a big one for me. Love
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those pastries, you know? And so pain
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is just a reality Life, and by the way, as again
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the saying goes, you can have the pain associated with doing the
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things that you need to do to be successful, or you can have the pain
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of regret later. You choose what you would rather have. You
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see, retirement doesn't exempt us from pain either. Our bodies age, friends
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become ill, parents pass away, sometimes, sadly,
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spouses pass away, children struggle, markets decline.
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Dream vacations get canceled. Life doesn't suddenly become painless
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because you've accumulated enough money. In fact, one of the biggest surprises
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for many retirees is realizing that money solves many problems,
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but not all of them. Money can buy healthcare, but
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it can't guarantee health. Money can buy a beautiful home, but
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it can't guarantee a happy family. Money can buy experiences, but
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it can't stop time. And this realization isn't meant to
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discourage us. It's meant to help us appreciate what money can
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do and what it can't do. So you might be thinking, well, Bill,
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if work uncertainty and pain are unavoidable, why do we spend so much
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time planning? Well, here's why. Because planning changes how
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we experience these things. Financial planning doesn't eliminate uncertainty.
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In fact, it reduces unnecessary uncertainty. Saving
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doesn't eliminate hardship. In fact, it might create some hardship
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now in the present, but it gives you options when those hard times come
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down the road. Insurance doesn't eliminate tragedy. It
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softens the financial consequences of those tragedies. Diversification
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doesn't prevent market declines, but it helps you survive them,
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having the right money mindset. is so important,
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that reversal of desire tool in the tools book.
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I love pain. It's kind of how we manage money at Dell Steady. We view
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every market decline as an opportunity. Now, maybe that's not always
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going to be true. Past performance doesn't tell us anything. Nobody knows
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the future. So that's the uncertainty. So we want to help
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you survive these bear markets and get through them. We
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don't want to try and avoid uncertainty. Estate
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planning doesn't prevent death, but it makes life easier for the people you
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love. Planning isn't about creating a perfect life, it's about
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becoming more resilient when life isn't perfect so
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you can survive those things. So here's
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where I think this becomes super powerful. Many people delay
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happiness. I'll be happy when, maybe when I retire, when
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my portfolio reaches a certain number. When the market recovers,
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or when everything settles down, when has that ever happened? But
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what if things never completely settle down, and if uncertainty is
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permanent? It is a permanent condition, isn't it? What if pain is
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permanent? Well, the happiness has to be found somewhere else, and
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it has to be found in purpose, relationships, gratitude,
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service, growth, and experiences. All those things that we have control
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over, we have control over how our relationships go.
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Maybe not 100%, maybe 90%. How about
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expressing gratitude and being grateful for the things we have
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instead of the things that we don't have. Running and chasing things.
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You know, gratitude comes in times of hardship. In
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2008, it seems to me that the world was more grateful
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for the things that we did have. How about the COVID crisis? I think that
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created a lot of gratitude. How about finding happiness
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in growth? Pain. The pain of growth. The pain of studying. The
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pain of working hard. The pain of working out.
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The pain of saving. How's that, huh? Saving enough.
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The pain of watching your portfolio decline by 30 or
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40 percent. hopefully temporarily, right?
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But those are the kinds of things that create growth, hopefully. How
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about experiences? Those things remain available regardless of
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what the stock market does this week, this month, this year, or
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the next 10 years. So one of the biggest mistakes I see is treating financial
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planning as the destination. But financial planning should support your
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life. It's the vehicle. The goal isn't dying with the biggest account
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balance. If anyone has listened to this podcast long enough, you
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know that we're big believers in spending down
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your wealth over the course of time. Money as a means to an end to
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create happiness, meaning, and purpose. The goal is to create a
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life that's rich in meaning, and money is simply one of the tools that
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helps you get there. That's why we name this podcast and
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the company, if you will, happiness in retirement. Not
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maximum net worth in retirement, because happiness isn't measured in
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dollars. It's measured in how intentionally we spend our time, how
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deeply we love and care for the people around us, how healthy
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we remain, and whether we wake up every day excited about
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what's gonna happen and not letting the circumstances of life dictating
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how we feel. It's in our control. So here's
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a challenge. I'd like to leave you with three questions. First, what
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meaningful work are you doing in retirement? And I'm not talking about paid work,
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I'm talking about purposeful work. Second, where are you
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demanding certainty that life simply can't provide? Is that
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in your advisor and your investments? Can a friend, a
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family member? What pain are you resisting that might actually
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be helping you grow? Man, working out, for sure exercise.
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or the pain of having to eat healthy and reduce
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calories, or the pain of working a 60-hour week. Well, hopefully you
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love what you do, but if you don't, the pain of saving,
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all these things. And these aren't easy questions, but they're worth
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thinking about. What pain are you resisting that might actually help
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you to grow? Because retirement isn't about escaping In life, it's about learning
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to live more fully. So, thank you for joining me
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today. If you'd enjoy this episode, I'd love it if you'd hit
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subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who's approaching retirement
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or already living it. And remember, the happiest retirees aren't
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the ones who avoid work, uncertainty, or pain. They're the ones who embrace
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them with courage, wisdom, and purpose. Because
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true financial freedom isn't the absence of life's challenges. It's
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having the confidence, resilience, and resources to keep living
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well in spite of them. Pick up the book, Phil Stutz and
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Barry Michaels, The Tools, great book, read it, listen to
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it, apply the tools. I think they can
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help you a lot in your financial planning journey.
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Until next time, I'm Bill Del Sette reminding you that retirement planning goes
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far beyond money. It's about creating a life filled with health, purpose, meaningful
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relationships, unforgettable experiences, and ultimately, happiness
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in retirement. Until next time,
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That's it for today's episode of the Happiness in Retirement Program
17:37
podcast. We hope you found some valuable insights to
17:40
help you create the retirement you deserve. If you enjoyed this
17:44
episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and
17:47
share it with someone who's planning for their future. For more tips and
17:50
resources, visit happinessinretirement.com or
17:54
the Del Sette Capital Management Facebook page. Until next
17:57
time, here's to a happy, healthy, and financially secure
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retirement. Del
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Sette Capital Management, LLC. Del Sette is
18:09
a registered investment advisor. Advisory services are only
18:13
offered to clients or prospective clients where Del Sette and its
18:16
representatives are properly licensed or exempt from licensure. For
18:20
additional information, please visit our website at www.happinessinretirement.com.