Latest / DA CREW Podcast / DA CREW PODCAST SEASON 1_ EPISODE #156_ HOST LATONYA MICHELLE LITTLEJOHN

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DA CREW PODCAST SEASON 1_ EPISODE #156_ HOST LATONYA MICHELLE LITTLEJOHN · DA CREW Podcast

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you don't want to miss, every good evening, good evening, good evening,
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and welcome to another episode of Delay but not Denied the podcast in association
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with The Crew podcast. And like Miss Angela always says, please like,
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share, comment, and share this in your circle of influence. Tonight we're
2:39
gonna be talking about adoption. This is Adoption Awareness Month, and before I
2:46
begin, I always have to go to God. So come with me to
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the throne Heavenly Father. I come to you right now asking you to be
2:55
in the midst of this conversation. May it bleed on the people that need
3:00
to hear it most, and may it be received in the way that you
3:06
would have it to be received. In Jesus name, I pray Amen,
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not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously
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my own. Never forget for a single minute you didn't grow under my heart,
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but in it again. Tonight we will be discussing Adoption Awareness Month.
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My guest tonight is not new to this, but true to this, Miss
3:35
nudget Scott. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. How you doing?
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I love the intro absolutely absolutely, But so we're talking right You're not
3:57
new, they know you by now. So we're talking about adoption today tonight
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and our perspective on it. So I would like to ask you at what
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age were you adopted? I was placed to my adoptive family and at the
4:21
eighth at the age of two and a half, I was placed with them,
4:26
but I wasn't officially adopted by them until I was eight. Okay,
4:31
I was. And the only reason why I remember that is because I got
4:34
the chicken pops the same day I had to go to court. Oh wow,
4:39
so it's quite memorable. Yeah it was. I was seventeen months old
4:48
when I got adopted. Seventeen months old. I don't know how old I
4:56
was when I went into foster care, but I do I do know that
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I was seventeen months old when it was finalized. I'm struggling. I think
5:08
I went I think I went in immediately because they were they left me at
5:13
the hospital after she gave birth. Okay, and my foster mother actually was
5:17
my nurse. She became my nurse, actually became my foster mother. So
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she advocated to make sure I had every surgery, I needed, every shot,
5:28
everything that I needed right away. She made sure I had. So,
5:30
Yeah, I was. I don't even know when I got into the
5:32
foster care system, but I believe it was probably immediately because they left me
5:36
at the hospital. Okay, I was saying, I'm struggling tonight. You
5:41
know, I adoption is a lot for me. I know, you know,
5:46
on top of everything going on with my mom having a stroke and in
5:54
recovery and things of that nature, and they want to send my mama home
5:59
and out. But anyway it's gonna work out. Yeah. What has your
6:09
experience with adoption been like? Oho? What has it been like? I
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don't know, because I didn't. Like I said, I wasn't. I
6:19
wasn't fully aware of when I got into the foster care system. And then
6:25
when my foster mother had was able to take me home. I think she
6:28
had me maybe about a year and a half and her and husband were planning
6:32
on moving out of the state, and I think during that time, you
6:34
can't take the child out unless you're planning to adopt them, so she couldn't
6:39
take me, so she had to give me back into the foster care system.
6:44
And then my adopted parents picked me, you know, got me,
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like I said, about two and a half years old, almost three,
6:49
my sister told me, So I wasn't probably long in there. I probably
6:53
was in and out really fast. So yeah, were you were you told
6:58
me? Were you told that you were adopted immediately? Yeah? Well,
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I mean, well understand when we're old enough to understand, like I said,
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because I was eight when we went to court, so I knew we
7:13
were going to court for something, you know, and when we got there,
7:16
we had you know, I had to tell you know. All I
7:19
remember is my mom had my hands drapped upcause she didn't want me to scratch
7:24
my my my my chicken pox. And I remember her saying, you know,
7:29
when the judge asks you, you know, do you want to be
7:30
in this family, you know, you say yeah, you know, you
7:33
answer the way you want to answer. And I said yeah. So when
7:36
the judge asked me, immediately, I was like, yes, definitely because
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they were my family. They were automatically my family. I mean, two
7:45
years old to eight, you were my family. So yeah, was your
7:51
name changed or did they keep it as it was at birth? HANDI you
8:00
would ask that type of question because you know, you already know, but
8:05
the people what people don't. Well, as everybody can see, my name
8:11
is Nadget and that is actually my biological name. It is Haitian. It's
8:15
supposed to be in love and uh prosperous, et cetera, et cetera.
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That's what I was told. I like the love part, so I just
8:22
run with that one. But my my adopted mom, she adopted three girls,
8:28
and so me and another sister we got to give ourselves a middle name,
8:33
and then my other sister got to change her first name because my mother
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said she just loved my first name, so she definitely didn't want me to
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change that. It was too unique to not change it. So I was
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like, I'm not unique enough, I'm disable to there's enough uniqueness going wrong
8:48
with me. But she she just loved it too much. So of course
8:54
I didn't change my first name. But I got to give myself a middle
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name, which is Tiffany, like the jewelry store. I just wanted to
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be fabulous like that. Right. Well, for me, I wasn't given
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an opportunity to you know, I was seventeen months old, so I was
9:15
whoever they said I was. Yeah, so you didn't have uh huh exactly
9:22
However, I was born Tory Michelle Kennedy. That wasn't told to me.
9:28
I found some paperwork because in the FBI, you know, according to my
9:35
family, for something as far as like the name changed, that's that's been
9:43
something that I've struggled with. My grandmother from my biological family, cause called
9:52
me Missy and they told my parents to keep that, you know, because
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that was it only thing that I could identify but a girl when school started,
10:07
and they called me that in kindergarten. But when I got to first
10:13
grade, they started calling me Latania. I wasn't prepped like that at home.
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I didn't know who was And so imagine sitting in first grade and they're
10:31
calling the role and everybody's answering except for Latania, and I'm like, Okay,
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when is it my turn? Because this Latania cheek not answer who is
10:41
she? Why she's not responding? She needed to go to time out because
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but right she does. She not want to answer to the name. And
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that has been my struggle, like like what's in a name? Like oh
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well, and I have a different perspective for that then. I mean my
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aunt told me because I told her I wanted to after my biological mom passed
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away, I said I wanted to change my name back to Tory, you
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know, in honor of her, because I still hear her in my mind
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saying, you know, I didn't name her, that I didn't give her
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that name. Her name is Story, and so that is something that sticks
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with me. And you know, my aunt is like, you know,
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are you a name or are you a person? And I get what she's
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saying, but at the same time, her name has never been changed.
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Yeah, I have identity issues, like like you would not believe, and
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yeah, it's what's in a name, you know, So where's mine is
12:03
different from that because even though everybody says everybody sees d D, my foster
12:07
mother gave me DD. So d D is a nickname. And this is
12:11
how God works. She gave me DD because back in the day, if
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your name was Dolores or Dorothy, they called you D. You know for
12:18
sure, right, And so my my mother's name was Dorothy. And then
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this is how God works out. I get adopted into her family. And
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my mother's name is Dolores, so she was big D and I was little
12:31
D. So yeah, so that's how I got the nick That's how d
12:35
D stuck. You know. Everybody used to say, well, how you
12:37
get DD from nadget? But no DD was given to me. So in
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my name, I have practically every part of me, my biological my doctor,
12:46
and my foster it's all attached into who I am. So I get
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what you're saying about needing an identity. I know somewhat of all of where
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I came from because it's all in my name. So during school, I
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would have they would have the teachers write D D in parentheses, or I
13:01
would tell them to write DD in parentheses. But then when a substituteacherud come
13:05
in, then of course my last name is right by a lot. You
13:09
know, my doctor name is, my maiden name is right. So when
13:13
you call in the role, I'm sitting there waiting for you because I already
13:18
know you about to chop this name, like completely, all the pieces,
13:20
right. I already know this is about to happen. It's about to go
13:22
down the pipe. Okay. So I'm sitting right there, and everybody in
13:28
the classes like they like, you know, they call it. You know,
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I don't know nobody calling me what there was? Oh, I was
13:35
Nigeta, I was mister, I was Alice and data. And so when
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you said mister, I would say, no, that's miss get it correct
13:43
right, And they were like, oh and you got DD right the in
13:46
parentheses. Why do you need to even call the first name? You know
13:50
you can't say it. It's d D right there. I've seen the teacher's
13:52
books. They put D D in parentheses. Why are you trying to say
13:56
my name that you can't say why. Definitely understand that. It's like why
14:05
don't even don't you bother? So yeah, I get it. They had
14:13
children's got their names, that's on their birth certificates, but they would have
14:20
chopped mind all the pieces. Then, Yeah, I was. I was
14:24
Missy in in kindergarten and from first grade until I said I'm out, I
14:33
was a little telling you. So you know, I just I well,
14:39
I was somebody just wanted to know how to pronounce my first name. I
14:43
was always d D. Nobody really eve knew what my middle name wasn't less?
14:46
I said it? Yeah, nobody knew. Okay, so I don't
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you know since she had been called Trivia Tribeca, Yeah, yes, I
15:01
can relate. But I mean with even with my name as simple as Latania
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is, I get called LaToya like there's a big end in hell. But
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seriously, and so you know, it happens. It happens. It happened
15:28
to the and I just felt like, you know, if my name was
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Torri, how can you miss that up? How can you like they have
15:37
called you toy? Probably you're probably right, she said, Patricia, they
15:50
call you Patricia Patria. I think I've been doing that Patrice, to be
15:54
honest with you, but so have you. But have you ever felt like,
16:06
you know, being adopted, that you didn't belong or have you always
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felt like, you know, this is family? Blood couldn't make us any
16:15
closer now, you mean in my biological in my in my adopted family,
16:22
because in my doctor family, your my bid you're a doctor family, and
16:27
my doctor family. No, because my dad always had this same and he
16:33
always and he and we laugh about it, but it's actually almost truth.
16:37
If you look at our family photos, you would never know who was adopted.
16:41
When you look at our family photos, because my dad said, you
16:44
feed them long enough, they start looking like you. So can I identify
16:51
us per se? Because we always with them since we were babies, you
16:55
know, younger. I probably was the baby baby of when I came to
16:57
them, and I think my other sister was probably older, and then the
17:00
other one, she was definitely a little older, but I was their baby.
17:03
So it's not you can I look like somebody in the family, I
17:07
mean somebody that they biologically had. I kind of fable, you know.
17:11
They're like, oh, you look like song and so, you look like
17:14
so and so, and I'm like, yeah, well, Daddy said it.
17:17
So no, I never I never felt that way in my adopted family,
17:21
but in my biological when I would go and visit, I felt always
17:23
I felt almost sometimes out of place because I didn't know them. And then
17:30
you speaking another language, you speaking Creole, and I'm sitting here like but
17:34
for my name, he said, I know that's what, Yeah, you
17:41
talk about me. My thing has always been I feel out of place in
17:48
both places, like I hate I don't. I don't know if it's the
17:55
disability part of it. I don't know if it's the abandonment issues that I
18:02
have, but I don't feel like I belong anywhere, to be truthfully honest,
18:11
Like with my adopted family, all of my cousins are in their mid
18:18
fifties early sixties. I'm just getting to the middle of my forties, and
18:26
so I don't. The only cousin that I have that is my age,
18:34
lives in Virginia, so like we weren't raised up together, so you know,
18:42
there's that issue. And then like my dad's side of the family,
18:49
I'm the youngest grandchild, so much so that when my grandmother passed away.
18:56
You know how they line the families up, you know, children, and
19:00
then there to me with the great grandchildren because they were my age and I'm
19:07
like, no, no, no, no, no, my dad.
19:15
It's just always been a struggle for me. And you know, with that
19:22
being said, I've always tried to make myself fit in sometimes and you know,
19:27
being an adult now I understand that that hasn't always been like the smartest
19:33
thing to do. However, you know, I can say that I didn't
19:41
follow crowds, you know, that got in trouble or anything like that.
19:45
I just you know, I met Trevida in seventh grade and I took to
19:52
her and even now, wherever she leads, I follow, and I know
20:00
sometimes she thinks, she probably thinks, this girl ain't got a mind of
20:04
her own. And it's not even that. It just gives me comfort in
20:10
being able to have that, you know, that that that connection of feeling
20:15
like I belong and she she's always made me feel like I belong in her
20:22
circle. So you know, even we have so much in common that,
20:29
you know, it's just crazy, Like we met on Facebook because of fun
20:37
and then we you know, started talking and we found out that we're both
20:41
adopted, you know, and it's just been like I mean, you know,
20:52
like all right, god, I mean, and our stories are so
20:57
parallel. Yes, that's the wild part to me. Yeah, that's w
21:03
Yeah. But Trevita said she'd just be like child. Come on, she
21:10
do treat me like I'm like the fourth child career and I am perfectly and
21:17
I'm perfectly fine with it. Like I'm tempted to call her mama sometimes,
21:26
right, but I mean, just I don't from October to January older than
21:30
me. So you already know because listen, she always me and listened.
21:40
That's what we do. Yeah, because she always from the day I matter,
21:45
That's how she's always treating me. It's like she always was that protective
21:48
from me. She always so I told, I told her long time was
21:51
her child before y'all was even here. So listen, I'm here first.
21:56
And it's just like that. And there's nothing wrong with feeling like that because
22:00
that's understandable of the fact that you didn't have the age closeness that you you
22:04
know what I'm saying that most people have because in my adopted family, like
22:08
I said, me and I got adopted at eight, so my other sister,
22:11
I think she probably was almost ten or if she wasn't ten. You
22:15
know, I'm saying I can't remember the date of the adoption, but she
22:18
probably was because we were like two years apart, so we got adopted together.
22:22
So it felt like I had a partner, so to speak, you
22:27
know, to carry on. So that's understandable, definitely understandable. Yeah,
22:33
it's just like, you know, with my situation as far as like being
22:41
a part of Travida's life, Like my son calls her aunt Travina, my
22:49
myda calls her aunt Trivita. Like, you know, I was adopted as
22:55
an only child and finding my biological family. They didn't treat me in the
23:00
way that I thought that they would, and so I always revert back to
23:07
Trevita like I'm like, you know, yeah, it does gave you,
23:17
you know it, don't it don't exactly? Yeah, talk to me,
23:22
and I'm practically fine with it, you know, just as long as y'all
23:26
talking to me, I'm I'm good. I mean, like, girl,
23:30
I got that in bi biological If I don't call you, ain't called.
23:33
Ain't nobody checking, ain't nobody doing nothing. I ain't got the energy for
23:37
none of that. I'm not gonna beg you to love me. My problem
23:40
was My problem with that is people make time for what's important to them.
23:45
Yeah, everybody, everybody's everybody's busy, everybody's doing something. Just because I'm
23:53
just able, don't mean I don't have something to do, right, something
23:59
does there's something, doesn't mean that, you know, people make time like
24:08
you know with the whole ordeal with my mom, you know, being in
24:12
the hospital and then going to rehab. Trevita has checked on me. You
24:18
know, you've checked on me. And it's things like that that matters most
24:23
to me. I don't really bask in the whole adoption Awareness month because I'm
24:33
I'm anti adoption. Sometimes I'm like, oh, don't do it, because
24:41
is if you can't genuinely love that child like the child came from your body,
24:47
then don't do it, because that they need love, loving guidance more
24:56
than anything like you can buy them. And it doesn't matter if you're not
25:03
loving and guiding them. So I mean, and there's your parents that could
25:07
that could take from that lesson too, because you know, there's exactly that
25:14
that are not receiving the love from their biological family every day. So that
25:22
yeah, exactly exactly. I didn't I didn't know there was an adopt at
25:26
all until I probably got on Facebook. I didn't know about a lot of
25:30
awareness months until I got on Facebook. But the only reason why I think
25:34
I remember it or acknowledge it is because I want to honor the people who
25:41
chose me. That's just my story about it. You know, I feel
25:45
like if my biological don't love me, I had people who loved me.
25:48
So it's not that I was missing out anything. I'm not lacking love because
25:52
I got love. I got siblings, I got cousins, I got you
25:56
know what I'm saying, family members, I got on my on my adopted
26:00
dad's side, I got his nieces and stuff that's on my Facebook. And
26:03
they'll be checking in on me or chiming in on you know what I'm saying,
26:07
because they know they knew me since I was a kid, so they
26:10
you know what I'm saying. So I don't necessarily have to be begging you
26:12
to love on me, because God already gave me. Who needs to love
26:17
on me? You the one who missed out on the love that I can
26:19
give to you. And see that's what that is. One of the biggest
26:27
laws that I think I carry like the ability to love everybody even through their
26:33
bs. Like, you know, I think God gave me my son at
26:38
sixteen years old because that's who he sent to genuinely love me. Yeah,
26:45
Like I never questioned, you know, whether my son loved me or not.
26:49
And you know, at the end of the day, whether it's you
26:55
know, dealing with biological family or adopted family. When I look at Deontay
27:00
and I look at Kay, I feel I'm kindly complete, Like, yeah,
27:07
they complete the missing pieces of Yeah, but it's it has definitely been
27:14
a journey. Like I don't believe that I was adopted in love because you
27:19
know, we have a disability, so there's a disability to check and once
27:26
the check ran out, so you know, yeah, yeah, I'm sad.
27:33
See that's the part that I don't That's the part that I am grateful
27:37
for because I didn't have to deal with that. You know, I didn't
27:41
have to feel like I was a check. You know, I would they
27:45
treated us the same way they treated their own biological kids. In my opinion,
27:48
you know what I'm saying, nobody was treating any differently, even in
27:52
the fact of me having been there only physically disabled child they had a you
27:57
know, a mentally challenged child, and then they had another child, you
28:00
know, adopted child. So the three of us really nationality never was really.
28:07
I got punished like they got punished. I got whoopings like they got
28:08
whoopings. I probably got a little more than they got because I was bad.
28:17
I was. That's why God said, yeah, girl, I can
28:22
handle kids, because listen, I was my mouth and me and I just
28:29
like to talk talk talk, and da da da da da. I mean
28:32
my mama. I remember my mama getting a call from I think it was
28:34
the first grade, you know, it was kindergarten, had to be kindergarten.
28:37
They had nat time and she was like, miss Right is not napping.
28:42
She's in here talking and she's disturbing the other kids. So my mam
28:47
will say, you need to be napping when everybody's napping. I said,
28:51
well, they started talking to me, so I'm gonna talk back, you
29:02
know, but I talk. I used to get in trouble for not napping,
29:07
but my reason was more so of my fear of the dark. They
29:12
would have us in and I'm like, oh, I can't do you know,
29:25
anybody, even at my age, they can sleep in pitch blackness.
29:30
Oh, I sleep with a face mask. It'll be black, it'd be
29:37
dark. I put a face mask on. I don't want no light coming
29:41
in nowhere. I gotta I cannot do it. I mean if I hear
29:48
yeah, like mm hmmm. And I don't know where this fear comes from,
29:55
like I I have some of them. Yeah, it's definitely trauma.
30:02
And and I don't know what it is like. You know, I've gone
30:06
to therapy and they've tried to take me to a place where I can remember.
30:12
And I don't know if I've shut that part of my brain off and
30:18
what I had you might have you know, yeah, I might have shut
30:23
it down for a reason. Right, But I mean it does want you
30:30
to go through even more, right, I get that difficult that you know
30:37
that you love that's all. Yeah, you love regardless, regardless of the
30:44
situation. You know. Yeah, And they missed out. Listen, it's
30:49
not even for me. I'm still trying to figure out how to put this
30:53
book together. Because if you don't get this lady, I can help her
31:00
with this book because we just did. God, she needs you. But
31:15
listen, I told Trevita she needed to write a book and she took that
31:21
book ran with it, and I share her own publishing company. You can't
31:26
get like you know, I mean, that is what God meant for her
31:33
to do. And I do believe that he wants you to share your story
31:40
too. We've all gone through things, whether it be a doctor with sharing
31:48
person the person. And you know, I stopped anybody stopped me on the
31:51
street. I sharing the doctor's office. I mind verbally sharing it. It's
31:53
the writing part that I'm kind of. It's the same thing an audio.
32:00
Lord, can I just not have to write? I don't want to have
32:04
to write. God gave you two hands, ma'am. God gave me so
32:13
yeah, yeah he did. And help me Jesus, I don't know,
32:19
but everybody to hear. Listen, no Verda got me last night, so
32:25
listen, I'm not fooling with you Rita tonight. You understand me. I
32:35
was like, there, Jesus, she is on point with this. So
32:38
yeah, no, she's right. She's definitely right. Or what she's saying
32:42
to us. She said Nate when he was in elementary school, he said,
32:49
you told me it's rude not to speak when someone is talking to you.
32:52
Exactly, please, exactly they don't tell you. I mean, when
33:00
you're little, they don't tell you when when the interject, they just tell
33:06
you you can do it. You can't talk talking to me, right,
33:14
like tell Malthol might be over here to hush so I can hush because I
33:19
mean right, I'm like if I know the time coming with me because I'm
33:27
a hold I hand. I mean, but back to the topic at hand,
33:35
as far as do you have do you have any regrets as far as
33:39
your adoption goes? Mm hmmm. That is a loaded loaded questioned loaded girl.
33:52
That's loaded because I mean the reason why I say it's loaded now is
33:57
because I'm older and I know, I know things, and I've noticed things,
34:02
and I have even said, tom to God, I really wish some
34:07
days you didn't even I wish my mom wouldn't have. I would have been
34:09
fine just being their child, right. You know what I'm saying in my
34:15
head because I'm thinking, I don't need to know these people that really don't
34:17
want to know me. I don't need to know these people that don't really
34:21
They say they love me by their mouth, but their actions is completely different.
34:24
I don't need that in my life. I would have been just fine.
34:28
And I have said so many times since we've been down here in Florida,
34:31
I am so thankful I was adopted. I am so I wish I
34:35
could tell my parents how thankful I am that they adopted me, because the
34:39
mess and the disrespect and the the the unloving feeling I feel with them is
34:50
unreal. And I'm like, I had to realize you missing out on something
34:55
I'm not because you don't know me. Just because we have the same blood
35:01
don't mean you know me. You have no clue who is. But to
35:07
keep it all the way a hundred though my situation, you know, being
35:13
that I found my biological family, you know, after my mom passed,
35:21
I started hearing things that you know, she wished she had never found you
35:25
know, that I had never found her, and you know, just a
35:30
whole bunch of stuff, you know, And it put me in a place
35:37
where, you know, sometimes she did act a little different, and I
35:43
tried to look over thinking, you know, well, maybe you know this
35:46
is just how she goes about handling things, or you know, but you
35:52
know, she she told me a couple of times that my dad wanted her
35:59
to happen a boy. Now had I had I not had my son in
36:07
the way that I did, I would have been like, Okay, yeah,
36:12
maybe you should have just gone ahead and had an abortion, because I've
36:15
dealt with so much, like you know, with the disability. And then
36:22
it was told to me, I'm a person that holds onto things and I'm
36:30
a I'm a firm believer that if you said it, you thought about it,
36:35
and so you meant it. So it was told to me that because
36:38
I have a disability, nobody would ever loved me, and I carried that.
36:45
I genuinely feel like the only people that loved me besides you and Trevine
36:52
thelun for my kids and my grandbaby, Like just because you know, being
37:01
married, I've gone through some some tough trials and tribulations, and I know
37:08
that love is not supposed to hurt in those ways, and so you know,
37:15
sometimes I feel like a trip to the to the clinic wouldn't have been
37:20
so bad because I donet been through a lot, as I know, you
37:25
know you have to. But what motivates you to keep going? Ah mm
37:32
hmm. I thought about this a couple of weeks ago, and I think
37:38
that's just who I am is I didn't get to tell my adopted mom all
37:46
I wanted to tell her all of the fact that how much I really appreciated
37:53
everything she did for me, you know, because she she raised me while
37:58
she was practically sick, she dealt with in plazema, she dealt with you
38:02
know, because she smoked and things like that, so she had to wear
38:06
oxygen and you know a lot of other health issues. So but no matter
38:10
what appointments I had to have, no matter what doctor appointments I needed,
38:15
she took to me. She took me to practice every one of them,
38:17
every one of them. So she just couldn't do it. You know.
38:20
Then my sisters, you know, my sister started doing it. But I
38:24
wish that I could tell her how much I appreciate everything she did for me
38:30
because and she really didn't realize it, but she literally felt like my best
38:32
friend because she was the only person truthfully that verbally said you can do anything
38:42
you put your mind to. And she basically spoke everything into my life that
38:47
I have done practically other than have kids, because she did speak that into
38:52
it. I handle kids, but she spoke you know, she spoke my
38:55
graduating high school. She spoke me, you know, being able to learn
39:00
how to drive, and being on my own and being married. You know,
39:06
she spoke all that into my life. And the drive that I have
39:13
to keep going, I think was already in me because she always told me.
39:16
I always had this determination. I was just determined to be that child.
39:21
I mean even at the age of like three, she said the doctors
39:22
told her she's never gonna walk, and said, I got in the car
39:25
and told her, my mam gonna walk. She said she knew then everyone
39:30
nothing gonna stop me. So I think the determination I have is that I
39:34
want to honor them and everything I do when they see me, when somebody
39:37
sees me and they know Dolores and Johnny, I want them to say,
39:40
that's their daughter. They did good with that one. That's that's that's that
39:45
one right there is doing that one is honoring them properly. That's always my
39:49
goal is to honor my mom and my dad. Because they didn't have to
39:52
take me in. They didn't have to take a specialized child. And with
39:55
all that I had going on and and in hospital days and sickness and shun
40:01
and you know, everything like that, they didn't have to do that.
40:05
They could have gave up any time and be like, nah, we can't
40:07
do this, take her back. Never was a situation where it was like
40:10
take her back. And I'm thankful for that. And I hate to hear
40:15
stories. I hate stories like yours. And my biological brother who also was
40:21
giving up for adoption because he has Spina bil for them and truth we told
40:24
my mom said that. My adopted mom said that if we would have been
40:28
born in Haiti, there would have been a chance we could have been avoid
40:31
because they just saw that as a curse. If you had any nothing that
40:37
wasn't normal per se, you were cursed. So me and my brother could
40:40
have been killed as well. But thank god they had me in America.
40:45
Now you know that you ain't doing that like talking about it. So they
40:50
just left me at the hospital. They just left me there. And I
40:52
hate that my brother didn't get the same situation I got, and my mom
40:59
and dad had to get him. But they would have been too much to
41:01
have to in the house already with other kids. It would have been just
41:06
too much on them. And I appreciate her saying that because I believe if
41:08
she could have had him, she would have taken it. That's how much
41:10
they love kids. So yeah, that's my drivers always to honor them and
41:15
everything I do, everything I do, everything I say, every everything I
41:21
am, I try to honor them. Yeah, so and they would love
41:34
What advice would you give? What advice would you give to somebody that has
41:45
been adopted and feels like they were maybe thrown away or not wanted or something
41:59
like that, Because I mean, honestly, for me, I can't tell
42:06
somebody what loves what love feels like. So I can't tell somebody. I'm
42:13
not in a position to where I can say, you know, they chose
42:17
you because X Y Z, and you know I can't because that so I
42:25
can't. I don't know, Yeah I don't. I don't know what it
42:30
looks like. So being that you were in a situation where you were loved,
42:36
holy and fully, what what could you tell somebody that is adopted,
42:40
Like I have a cousin that's adopted, and he does not have a desire
42:45
whatsoever to find his biological family because he was raised in a good family like
42:52
they love him and you know he has he has no reason really other than
43:00
maybe medical stuff, yeah, you know, to find out his roots or
43:05
whatever. But you know, for me, I went looking for the love
43:09
that I felt I didn't get and still didn't get it. So yeah,
43:14
you know, yeah I'm deflecting. But back to what I was asking you,
43:19
what would you tell somebody that is coming to you and in a way
43:24
of trying to accept being adopted? Hmm? Even though I received all the
43:34
love and the care and you know what I'm saying, the teaching, Uh,
43:38
that's still a hard question because I'm the kind of person I care.
43:44
I care too much mm hmm. So I care that you didn't get that.
43:50
I care that you didn't receive that because I'm thinking to myself, God,
43:53
why not you know? Why me? And why not them? It's
43:59
a lot of time I be pondering, you know, why me? Why
44:02
not my brother? But since I've become a Christian, I have found out
44:12
for me. Even if I don't feel the love that I that I should
44:15
receive from my biological family, I feel like God loves me and we're all
44:21
adopted into His family. And so the love that you may not receive from
44:24
man, God has given it to you already. He loves you fully and
44:30
wholeheartedly because He died for you. So that ain't no better love than that.
44:35
So the way I see is find your faith. Yeah, your faith
44:42
will hold you, will hold you to the fact of the love that you
44:45
need in your life. Your faith will hold you that because God can't love
44:47
you no more than God. Man can't love you no more than God love
44:51
you. They just he just can't. Your husband, can't, best friend,
44:55
can't. You know, nobody can't. God gave himself up for you.
45:00
So for me, that's the thing that it's like, you know what,
45:06
Okay, Man didn't didn't appreciate you. But God loves you, you
45:10
his child child. He looks down on you, He wants to bless you,
45:15
he wants to, you know, love on you. He just wants
45:17
you to love him back. And once you love on him back, there's
45:22
nothing better that you. You will get exactly what Man did not give you.
45:27
Because God, yes he'll punish you like a parent. Yes he'll teach
45:30
you like a parent. Yes he'll give you time out like a parent.
45:35
But he will love you beyond anybody can love you. And so that's the
45:39
that's the thing that I think I would tell somebody is that you wasn't you
45:44
wasn't thrown away. God had a purpose for you. You wasn't avoided because
45:47
God had a purpose and I had to I had to learn that myself because
45:52
I always wanted. Well, I was there first. They didn't keep me,
45:55
but they kept the second one, oh, because he was normal.
45:59
So what was along with me? That was, uh, my had my
46:07
brother and then she had me, gave me up, and then four years
46:14
later had my sister. And so I'm like, that's what I'm saying,
46:19
and I mean cool. I was cool with the whole situation until I found
46:27
out I had a sister and so that I'm like you but in a girls
46:34
situation, and I was like, I felt like I wasn't good enough.
46:40
Like, you know, I didn't ask to come here with spine of hydrocephalis.
46:46
I didn't ask to start walking it three years old. You know,
46:52
I didn't ask to have to wear diapers all through school and you know,
46:59
stuff like that. But it is what it is. It is what it
47:05
is. But that that is why LA does not It is but it's not.
47:10
It doesn't make you, It doesn't make Yeah, that's all right,
47:19
it's all good. It's okay. You gotta process stuff the way you process
47:23
that works for you. You know what I'm saying I process think the way
47:27
I process it, and you gotta work it the way you work it,
47:30
right. You know, it doesn't make it any better or any difference,
47:32
just just the way you do it. You know, I don't. I
47:36
don't do it adoption because of what they did with my biological did. I
47:38
did it for what my parents did right, right, That's all I do
47:43
it for is to make sure that everybody else knows that your story can be
47:46
good too. Anytime, to let people know that here that need to be
47:51
a doctor. Anytime I see something online and I'm working on it because I'm
47:55
trying to do better. But anytime I see something online adoption, I'd be
48:00
like, don't do it. You better adopt the puppy. But in actuality,
48:08
there are so many children that deserve a home that deserves loves holy and
48:15
fully without question without you know, yeah, having to stay in in the
48:25
system until they age out that you know, that could have been I mean,
48:31
and that's horrible because everybody, at the end of the day, whether
48:36
they admit it or not, everybody wants to belong to somebody, and everybody
48:42
wants that love. Everybody wants to love and even though we all belong to
48:46
God, and he loves us all. We all want that love, that
48:52
it's here in the physical because we are a physical people and we need to
48:58
see things and hear things, and you know exactly exactly, you know,
49:04
but God will get. But God will give you that. He does.
49:07
He will give you that. Yeah, just like he did with your son.
49:13
Wasn't getting it from your parents, wasn't getting it from the biological But
49:15
you get it from your son, You get it from your granddaughter, You
49:19
get it from your sisters that God gave you me, Trevina. God gave
49:22
you sisters, so he gives it to you the way you're supposed to have
49:27
it. So you don't lack. You're not lacking because you got loble.
49:30
You just don't have the love that you wish you had. They can't allow
49:35
you because listen, they ain't allow you. We got you today, You're
49:42
not about to have me. Let's go listen. Like always, it has
49:53
been a joy having you on my show. You always are available when I
50:01
need you. You never tell me no, right right right, And I
50:10
just you know, I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful for your life and
50:15
and everything that you bring to the Friendship Table. I appreciate it all.
50:22
So with that being said, we got yes ma'am, Gail, yes ma'am.
50:30
With that being said, I want to thank everybody for watching delay,
50:34
but not to not tonight. You may be delayed, but what God has
50:39
for you will never be denied unto you And until next time, see you
50:45
later, maybe for Friday of each month that you don't want to miss