Latest / The Wicked Daughter - Caring For Your Aging Parents, One Meltdown at a Time / E015: Transportation is a Thing

Transcript

E015: Transportation is a Thing · The Wicked Daughter - Caring For Your Aging Parents, One Meltdown at a Time

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: I started imagining what getting mom into a car was going to look like.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, Mom, a little to the left.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: No, your other left.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, back up.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: A little higher.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, stop.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Don't move.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm standing there giving instructions, like I'm directing a construction crew trying to lower a refrigerator through a third floor window.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Except it's not a construction project.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's my mother.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just trying to get her from a wheelchair into a car.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: And suddenly I realized I had a whole new set of questions to worry about.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Could Mama eventually actually transfer into a car?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Could I help her?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: Could I do it without throwing my back out?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: Where does the wheelchair go?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: Will it fit in the trunk?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Will I be able to get it in and out by myself?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Do I need a bigger vehicle?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe a vehicle with a special seat?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Or was I going to need one of those wheelchair accessible vans where mom can just stay in her wheelchair?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the really funny part.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: I had to make this decision without knowing what mom was going to be able to do in three months from now.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Would she be walking?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Would she still need the wheelchair?
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Would she be able to transfer?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: What about six months from now?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: What about a year?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Apparently, I wasn't shopping for a car anymore.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: I was trying to predict the future.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I had no crystal ball.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Just a rental car, a wheelchair, and a growing sense that I had somehow been promoted to director of mom's transportation department.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I was about to discover just how complicated getting from point A to point B could become.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Mom was starting to settle into a routine at rehab.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: There were still ups and downs.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: Some days she felt better than others.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: And as she started doing more therapy, her leg was getting pretty painful.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: Which was understandable.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: She was using muscles that hadn't been used in weeks.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: She was getting stronger, but that also meant asking a lot more of that leg.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Mom was going to some of the social events at rehab, which was great.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: But most days, she was so exhausted after therapy that she just wanted to go back to bed.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: And there was actually one thing about that exhaustion that I considered a very good sign.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Mom wasn't even asking for the sleeping medication she normally took.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I was thrilled.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: Because that medication comes with a rather large warning.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: May cause dizziness.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Dizziness.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: We did not need dizziness.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Mom was in rehab trying to rebuild her strength, work on her balance, and eventually learn how to walk again.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: The last thing we needed was a medication making her dizzy while she was trying to stand upright.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: So the fact that she was sleeping without it?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Fantastic.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: Mom was exhausted because she was actually doing the work of rehab.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll take that kind of exhaustion any day.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know you're in the middle of a bizarre caregiving experience when your mother's exhaustion becomes a reason to celebrate.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: But I'll take the wins whenever I can get them.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: We were getting ready for our first of what would be many doctor appointments while mom was in rehab.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: And this was different.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: In the hospital, the doctors came to Mom.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: They came into her room, examined her, reviewed her progress, and then moved on to the next patient.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Now, mom was going to them like a normal patient, which meant we had entered a whole new phase of caregiving.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Getting mom out of rehab and to a doctor's office.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: And our first appointment was with the podiatrist who had been treating her foot while she was in the acute care hospital.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: The sutures in Mom's foot needed to come out.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: Simple enough.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well the appointment itself was simple.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: It was just everything surrounding the appointment that gave me a glimpse into this new life.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: The appointment had to be logged at the nurse's station.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: I had to sign mom out when we left and sign her back in when we returned.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: The nurses needed to know.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Her aide needed to know.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: The pharmacy needed to know because Mom's medications had to be coordinated around the time she would be gone.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: The dining room needed to know because she might miss lunch.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: And apparently Rehab was not going to let a missed lunch stand in the way of feeding her.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: They arranged for late lunch to be delivered to her room when she got back just in case.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: PT and OT needed to know too, because Mom would miss her regularly scheduled gym time.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: They would fit her in later.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then there were the x rays.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: The podiatrist needed them, but they couldn't be done at the doctor's office.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: They had to be scheduled through rehab and taken according to the doctor's instructions.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, there was paperwork going back and forth between the doctor's office and rehab.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: None of this was particularly difficult.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: It was just different.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Mom's entire day had to be arranged around leaving the building for a few hours.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: And that was another adjustment to this new life.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because mom was doing great getting from the bed into her wheelchair.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: But getting from the wheelchair into a car?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: That was a different story.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: She wasn't ready for me to do that transfer myself.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: So for now, Rehab would have to arrange the transportation.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: And up until this point, transportation really hadn't been an issue.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: Mom had been in the hospital, everything she needed was right there.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: But now she had follow up appointments.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: The podiatrist, the orthopedist.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: And suddenly transportation was a thing.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: A big thing.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I found out rehab arranged for transportation for mom.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: Great! Problem solved.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Or so I thought.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: The day of the appointment came, and the transportation agency called me about payment.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: Apparently, insurance doesn't cover this.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then they told me the cost.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: One hundred and ten dollars for a round trip.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: And the doctor's office was five miles away.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: At that point I was thinking, okay, this better be one hell of a van.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then I saw it.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: It was a small minivan with a ramp in the back, and the last row of seats removed.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Mom was rolled up the ramp in her wheelchair, the wheelchair was securely strapped into place, and I had to admit, it was a very easy process.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: No transferring mom into a car, no lifting, no trying to fold up a wheelchair and shove it into a trunk.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: She stayed in the wheelchair, the wheelchair went into the van, and we were ready to go.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: I understood the hundred ten dollars a little better.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: Not happily, but I understood it.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Of course they picked us up thirty minutes before we needed to be there.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because apparently, wheelchair transportation also operates on its own version of hospital time.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: But we got there.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: The appointment went well, the sutures came out.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: Mom's foot looked nasty.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Really nasty.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: But I was told it was healing well.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: At this point, I'd learned that looks terrible, but is healing well was basically a medical compliment.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: We would be seeing the podiatrist every two weeks for the next few months.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: So this wasn't going to be a one time transportation problem.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: This was going to be a part of our life for a while.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: I called the transportation company when we were finished and was told the van was still in the parking lot.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: So we headed back to rehab.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: We got there just in time for lunch, but mom was completely wiped out.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: So she ate in her room.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: As I watched her settle back into bed, I realized something.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't just figuring out how to get Mom to one appointment anymore.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: I was trying to figure out how we were going to get around in the world once she came home.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I had no idea yet what that was going to look like.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: I had some time before I had to make any decisions about a car.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Mom probably wouldn't be weight bearing for at least another month, and then should likely have another month or so in rehab before going home.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: So for now I could rent.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: I could wait.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: I could see what mom was actually going to be able to do before I committed to a vehicle.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, that seemed like the smartest thing to do.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was trying to make a decision about a future I couldn't predict.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Would mom be walking?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: Would she still need a wheelchair?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Would she be able to get in and out of a car?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I wasn't going to make a decision yet.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: I had time.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: And for the moment, that was good enough.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Around here, we're calling that a win.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, take care of yourself too.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the wicked daughter, caring for your aging parent, one meltdown at a time.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: When your friends say cherish this time, you smile while you're losing your mind.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Was it the pharmacy line or the rush our doctor drive?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: So you swallow that glare with the laugh in a sigh and say, Don't fret, dear.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: We're having the time of our lives.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we're having the time.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: The time of our life.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Wicked daughter.