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Enneagram Parenting Secrets · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hi friends, welcome back to the Simply Wholehearted podcast.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: It means so much to have you choose to take this conversation along with you today.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Amy Wicks, your host, and here at Simply Wholehearted, we provide perspective, purpose, and plans to help you love God, love others, and live your best life.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Today I have the joy of sharing a conversation I recorded with my oldest daughter Paige, who leads as Enneagram 7.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: We are chatting about how, from her perspective, the Enneagram has helped her understand herself, helped her love her siblings better, and even grown her relationship with the Lord.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: After our conversation, I'm going to share a few insights for all you mamas or wannabe mamas and how the Enneagram can strengthen your motherhood journey.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is mostly an entire episode dedicated to the Enneagram.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're just beginning your Enneagram journey and you need some advice about where to begin, then head on over to simply wholehearted.com where you can find my Enneagram Quick Start Guide and my one-page summary, which gives you an overview of all nine Enneagram types.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: This will be a perfect way to follow along the conversation.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and a shout out to Jessamine Unru, previously Hamer, for the lovely music you are hearing in the background.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's my conversation with Paige Wicks.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, Paige.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: You hear about the Enneagram a lot in this house, right?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like all the time.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty much.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Does a day go by that we don't talk about the Enneagram around here?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think so, but there's like one day, but I don't think so.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And now here's the most important question.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Do we talk about Jesus a little bit more than we do the Enneagram?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I think we do.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, good few.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is important.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I think we do, because yeah.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, good.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because we don't pray to the Enneagram.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't, you know, pray about the Enneagram, technically.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: Not really.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: Just that'll work out.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram doesn't answer prayers.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: But it does answer some questions.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, so what I would love to know, and what I think my friends would like to know.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: You are about to turn 13.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: But um you have already figured out what anyagram type you lead with.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a seven.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: You're a seven.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: I love being a seven.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Do you?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: What do you love about being a seven?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: They're so optimistic and they, as uh other people would say, um, they bring joy into the room.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: And they can make a person happy instead of sad.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: And they're just helpful and they'll they can be happy to do whatever most of the time.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: And they're adventurous.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I think.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think helps them or why do you think they're happy about most things most of the time?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: I think at least for me maybe, uh-huh.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: My imagination.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think most sevens have a lot of imagination too.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: And they can make something up.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like you had it in a post, they can turn chor chores into um something fun or a game or something.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's really true.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, to us.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so tell me something that you do that is mundane, boring, and frustrating, but because of your imagination or your ability to bring joy into a situation, it's not so bad.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, cleaning the dishwasher out.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: I just so what do you do?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now I need an e I don't know.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: I just like sing my I sing myself a song in my head.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and like I think it was a while ago, I pret I was pretending um I was a housemaid for this rich lady.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I had a terrible job.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um and yeah, I just made it fun and I always get through cleaning the dishwasher out somehow.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: But okay, yeah, yeah.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: You that's how you bear the difficult chore of the dishwasher.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Which you only have to do every three days, I might ask.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and even then dad pitches in and helps out or mom.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's really all I inside.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is true.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's true.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so what was one of the things when you heard about the Enneagram and then you heard about the different types that you thought, oh, I'm for sure an Enneagram seven?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, well, I heard about the Enneagram on your birthday.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: It was your That's right, we did it.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: 38th?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: 39th?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think 38th.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: I made uh everybody, like for my birthday.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody had to sit down.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: We were in Colorado and we did Beth McCord.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, Beth McCord's Discovering You.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: I remember sitting there and I was like, Can I try?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: She's in your lecture because we were talking about personality tests earlier, and I did not understand them, and it was really confusing.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: It was just like all all these numbers and stuff.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: And then when you went through it, I was like, wow, because I I really knew myself once I once I read the seven, and we were all talking about it, and I was like, wow, the seven really seems like me.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I felt like clear.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's the same way.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's is like the core fear that I was like, wow, and other people think this, and then they're, you know, superpower, you know, all those things.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, wow, that's really true to me.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you think people should know the anneagram type they lead with?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's really helpful to understand um understand yourself better and how to help yourself in ways.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, like when you go in stress or growth, it's nice to know like how to grow in your stress.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: And how you handle it, right?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's kind of it's kind of like, this is why I do this.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: And it it just really like I think it's a really good thing to like know about.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: So how about for you as a you know, a seventh grader, there's a lot of responsibilities and there's moments that you're stressed out, or even your siblings might stress you out.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: So what are some of the things because you understand the Enneagram and your type that you do to help you deal with stress better?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I sevens obviously don't handle stress as well, but um, not very well.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um well, all of us are prone to not handle stress very well.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: True, yes.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think honestly ignoring it and just being like, you know, like just kind of not take it full on.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because it sh it shouldn't be full on and you should, you know, do part of a time.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: For example, homework that's stressful.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um and sevens particularly, I think would not like to do it because it's not fun, depending on what it is, like math or something, I don't know.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and just do it one at a time or something and just s split it out so this stress falls away one by one.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: So the connecting lines for an enneagram seven, and it goes both ways, stress and growth growth, is an enneagram five and anneagram one.
• 7:49
  unknown: Okay.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: So what parts of you do you see reflected when you maybe take on the attributes sometimes of anneagram one or sometimes the attributes of anyagram five?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: What does that look like?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: The Aneogram 1, I see that most in me.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: I am definitely a helpful person if I'm in the right mood.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um like, yeah, I'll do anything for you, and and I'll I'll just I'll comfort people, I'll help that's one of the good things about sevens too.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: You can help comfort people in like depression, I don't know, just bring the light, encourage, encourage them, and just yeah, help them, I don't know, take a uh take a meal out to friends.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: They'll be r at least I will be willing to do that um for most people, and that's what I see in my one.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then the one the one also is um uh little tends to think a little bit more systematically.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, I do.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: And be motivated by having things in order and have kind of a perfected outcome.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what a one um tends to, some of their motivations and behavior, and a five tends to want to gain more knowledge, and so they have an insatiable appetite for learning more about things.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's definitely me at school because I'm like even though there's parts of school you don't like, there is some that you really love.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like I always I always shoot for the academic award every year at school.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: I always try to get my best grades in class.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: I s I study really hard for tests, and I definitely see that five in me, especially and that one in the drivenness, I think.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, more goal-oriented.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yep.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, and it probably doesn't help that you're the firstborn.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: So that's part of it.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you have a mom and dad who encourage you to go after those goals that you set for yourself.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, you guys are like really good encouragement because I don't think half the time I would do any of the stuff I do now without you.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Well, do we pressure you?
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel pressure from us?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: No, I think it's totally out of my own will too.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, good.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I I think you do an amazing job.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: We're super proud of you.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And not just for your accomplishments, but because you desire to do really well and use your gifts in a really beautiful way.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: So that that's what makes us most proud.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so what do you think people can learn from knowing um the Anneagram type of their siblings?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's really helpful that I know my brother's not Miles is not technically old enough, but I can tell he's a three like you.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: And it's helpful to know like his style is really interesting, but you threes, you're hard on your style.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: You just gotta you gotta stick with it.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then we can be hard on ourselves, but then you always you're accomplished too, and sometimes if you don't finish, if you you have you want to be accomplished every day, and that's how you make your feel yourselves feel a little better better.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then Haiti, I think she's an eight, and it's kind it's really nice to know, like, you know, if you're fighting siblings, it's nice to know their f core weakness.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: But you have to why is that my dude?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: It sounds a little diabolical.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well I also it's also nice to know um their how to how to help them grow because you also you also want to be a good encouraging sibling to help them grow and then you know, influence them.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: And that might be what helps them grow and stuff.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: How about the idea of knowing what it is that Haiti and Miles the message their heart longs to hear?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: Miles's is the same as yours.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: What is that?
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that they're loved and wanted for just being them and not for their accomplishments.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I can see that in Miles a lot.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: He Yeah.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: He he likes to be in a way he likes to be himself, and I totally see that, and he wants to be loved like that, and I think that's where that's what he does and he's really picky about his friends too.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: And most of his friends he have now really like who he is.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like who they want to be.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I can definitely see that.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, yep, they are.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: They have the kind of free-to-be unique in them.
• 12:25
  unknown: Yeah.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now for Haiti as an eight, the message her heart longs to hear is that she will not be betrayed.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: That she can be vulnerable and be safe with you.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, I can tell that too because it's kind of funny because it speaks everything.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: That it it makes a ton of sense, right?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she like we she likes to tell me things that she wouldn't tell anyone else and she wants me to not be tub with her, I don't know.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh huh.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: Just be easy with her and not and her not have to be offended.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: No, to um to criticize her vulnerability.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I can yeah, I really see that.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I really I think it's really helpful too for a sibling.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to be influ influential, then it's there you go, the Annegram's your answer.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love it.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, for you.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: So for a seven, the message your heart longs to hear is that you will be taken care of.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: And part of being taken care of is also not having a restriction of of boundaries, you don't want to be limited too much.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: So now mom and dad try to meet that message as much as much as possible, but sometimes we fail, right?
• 13:46
  unknown: Yeah.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: And ultimately, you can only get that message satisfied from the Lord.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you, in your relationship with the Lord, get that need met where you know that you will be taken care of, even if mom and dad don't, or something in the world bad happens that doesn't take care of you?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, how do you find that rest and safety in the Lord?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, first of all, we have to be limited sometimes, and that's okay.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: But I as I've also learned that as I matured.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: You're so mature, Paige.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the Lord just I can like as I've grown closer to him, I definitely feel that he's gonna take care of me, and especially when I learned that, I was like, Yeah, God really does take care of us, and just praying, and if you like, if you feel you're not, then he's gonna he's he'll totally will, and if you just have to ask him.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what really helps me.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we'll end on this one.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is a really good one.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you think parents should learn about the Enneagram, not only for them, but for helping um love their kids really well?
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, um, yeah, helping help love their kids like the Enneagram's really good for yeah, it really helps parents because you understand your children just a little bit better than you knew them, because of course you're gonna know him them, but um just the Enneagram opens a whole nother another section that helps you just you know help them grow.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um you can help them grow in parts that you didn't you never knew.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um help up help them out of stress, um, and help their help them to find their heart's desire.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_02: That's cool.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it it I think it brings families closer because you understand each other a little bit more and you can help each other in different ways.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: That's beautiful.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's the perfect way to end it.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't Paige do a fabulous job?
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm amazed at her maturity in moments like this.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: I am so grateful.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, now I need to find some topics for my other kids to come onto the mic to share because all three of them like this sort of thing as much as Paige does.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this idea of using the Enneagram to strengthen our motherhood has been a topic I've been unpacking for quite a bit.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, it really was one of the main reasons I became an Enneagram coach.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't articulate it at the time, but I was looking for a way to encourage the moms in my life that wasn't a cookie-cutter, one size fits all type of thing.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: I began to believe, conversation after conversation, each of us moms want the same things in life.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: But we each had a unique way of going about it.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: We also had a distinct motivation that would also sometimes get in the way of us having the rhythm and harmony we longed for in our home.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram isn't just about learning our number.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's understanding the mass that we have, and through insight, wisdom, and prayer, we can go from broken-hearted to whole-hearted, even in our parenting.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm in the middle of finishing up several resources that will help you learn about all nine types, and a course that will not only help you confirm which type you lead with, but also teach you the specifics of the stances and the triads.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: But today I'm going to wet your appetite with some Enneagram 102.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: This information builds on the knowledge you might have, but it will also provide you next steps in your motherhood journey, regardless if you're confident which type you lead with.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Before I go any further, I think it's worth challenging a narrative you may have heard before.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's something similar to the idea that marriage and motherhood should be our highest calling.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Let me be clear, these roles may be one I cherish most and continue to have as a priority.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: But my highest calling and yours as a Christ follower is to know him and make him known.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that is to make him known to my family, but also for the people outside the walls of our home.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Motherhood is not the end-all be all.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's just one of the many amazing roles we get to play in our lifetime.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why the Enneagram, when used as a tool of wisdom and insight, can be an amazing resource.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we need help to wake up and allow the gospel to speak to our unique needs, not only in our motherhood, but in every arena of our life.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: We need to be reminded and know we are free to be as God created and intended us to be in Christ.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, with this established, we can continue to explore what it looks like to become wholehearted in our motherhood.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: If you're like me, and I think you are, you have various triggers, stressors, and weaknesses when you navigate relationships.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: And when we became a mom, well, suddenly there is a bright light shining on all of these.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: In my experience, it's helpful to begin to name them and bring them out of darkness and into the light so we can actually deal with it the right way.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: So for the sake of time, today I'm going to use the stances to talk through each type's general struggle with motherhood and how our orientation to time can help or hinder us.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you heard me correctly.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: We have a unique orientation to time.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it's amazing as I explain it how it'll all make sense.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: For definition's sake, I'm going to talk about three stances.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: The first is the dependent stance.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: In the dependent stance are types one, two, and six.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: Then the withdrawing stances are types four, five, and nine.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: And the assertive stance, well, those are types three, seven, and eight.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: I think if we're speaking in general terms, the dependent stance one, two, and six, they struggle with the boundaries needed in motherhood.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: The withdrawing stance struggles with the constant intimacy of motherhood.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that is the types four, five, and nine.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now, those in the assertive stance, the three, seven, and eight, they struggle the most with the mundane of motherhood.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I'm finding to be true again and again in the conversations that I have with my friends.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: For those of you in the independent stance, again, that's the one, two, and six, your orientation to time is present.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is such a gift, especially to your children.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: But when it comes to training your children, remember that you are present-oriented because you will tend to talk or over talk about the current situation when your child may already be ready to move on or need to take some time to withdraw from the situation.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Also, you excel with being present in the moment with your kids.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: But don't allow the current demands to shut out your dreams for the future or discount what you've gained from the past.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: When you learn to celebrate that you offer the gift of being present, then you can also learn to implement the boundaries needed to pause as you train your children to evaluate better what they need and to give yourself the time needed to dream about your future and deal with your past.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: For those of you in the withdrawing stance, and again, those are types four, five, and nine, your orientation to time is past.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is a gift because you help the rest of us remember what we've already experienced that is valuable to our present and future.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: When it comes to training your children, remember this orientation because you will tend to bring up past mistakes or remember all the times they didn't change their behavior.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: But your child needs you to just focus on this current experience or have you believe that they will do it better next time.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: When you learn to celebrate that you offer the wisdom of the past, you can also learn to give yourself time to process and withdraw alone from others.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: You also need to engage with others who can help you dream about the future and let the past go so you can focus on the present.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: For those of you in the assertive stance, and again, those are the three, seven, and eight, your orientation to time is future.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is a gift because you help the rest of us remember to dream about the possibilities.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: When it comes to training your children, remember this orientation because you will tend to move too quickly through the process with high expectations.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Your child needs you to remember how far they've come and matured, and they need you to be fully engaged in the training process, not just what needs to be done next.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: When you learn to celebrate that you offer vision for the future, you can also learn to give yourself time to make dreams and plans that liven up the mundane.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: You also need to give yourself time to acknowledge the past and the wisdom it has to offer.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: And give your dreams a rest so you can be fully present with those you love most.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: So, what did you think?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: Did you find this helpful?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to know what you may have learned about yourself today.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you haven't yet joined Simply Wholehearted on Instagram, then hop on over to the Enneagram conversation as we talk about why each type is a great parent.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, and while you're at it, would you leave a five-star rating on iTunes or your favorite podcast app so others know that they are welcome here and what to expect in our conversations.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: Next week's episode is going to be another conversation you'll want to pass along.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: This will be for all the teachers and parents who have kids in school, or someday.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: I know you already love my sister Annalise's conversation about Downton Abbey, but since she is a full-time school teacher, I thought it would be perfect to have her share how the Enneagram is a powerful resource for the classroom.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, until next time, let's invite others to join us as we pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for a simply wholehearted life.