Latest / Dear Son, / It's Still Worth It | Marriage and Fatherhood | Ep 156 | The Dear Son, Show

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It's Still Worth It | Marriage and Fatherhood | Ep 156 | The Dear Son, Show · Dear Son,

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we'll start with with being a house, what makes me an a house man, birthday for you, for me, this person has my best interest at heart.
• 0:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: I move a certain way sometimes I get overly aggressive in an area, especially business wise, like I get.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll see an opportunity and I kind of go into, we could want to get this, and to have a person by your side that you love and trust enough to say, oh, I'm not saying don't do it, but let's talk about it.
• 0:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you trust and value that person's perspective and opinion enough to know that they're not just trying to start your growth here, they just know I've been around long enough to know.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you jump off this cliff and you not rid of the jump off this cliff, you're gonna kick yourself later.
• 0:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: So now I know the conversation had with you.
• 0:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that balance.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need a certain level of checks and balance in my life.
• 0:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, Tango.
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, how old were you when you were able to accept that challenge of your thought?
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said I accepted.
• 1:04
  [UNKNOWN]: Oh.
• 1:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's get it, welcome to the dance on show who we have beautiful cover stages about life through the lens of Fatherhood.
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's four fathers, those with fathers and the fatherless of them by this left out.
• 1:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: These are the conversations we want our sons to access as they grow through life in the manhoods and those topics of all of them.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want your host, D. Jones.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your other host, Jake Black.
• 1:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't worry about the land.
• 1:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't worry about the land.
• 1:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
• 2:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'll see what I mean like so so we get too far because because I have I have allowed us to do a whole episode Only for night to be an episode.
• 2:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you gotta hit all the buttons people.
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: I produce I do I do a lot of them now.
• 2:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not just tapping on the on the cam What do you think I'm telling the night it's off of the beat?
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, speaking of which it seems like Continent Resonate.
• 2:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, sir.
• 2:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: How you doing first?
• 2:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm good man.
• 2:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Everything you're good.
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm happy I'm Getting the health of your body.
• 2:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're not that I'm
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: unhealthy, but I'm not as healthy as I am.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: You got a lot of fat, you got a lot of fat.
• 2:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: But healthy about the day, what about you?
• 2:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're taking a win tonight.
• 2:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm glad you said that to make me say that, because I'm going to start taking my wins in real time.
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, Lord.
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Stop comparing to my lofty ideas, which will be a accomplish in due time.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just not today.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: But whenever it happens, it will be that day.
• 2:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: But it's supposed to happen.
• 2:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to be that day.
• 2:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: It will be that as long as today there's only now.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: So trying to make all these now matters.
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the future now will be successful too.
• 3:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: But being a good man, video production, picking up, picking back up, had a client, a resurface, that's good.
• 3:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's because that's like the sweet spot, the sweet spot, money with corporate videos, going there, do your thing and they take direction.
• 3:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's nice.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not a whole lot of personality involved.
• 3:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
• 3:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it's been good, man.
• 3:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: But as I'll start to say, for the second time, man.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Concentrate.
• 3:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Concentrate, circulate.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Learning a lot, learning, learning.
• 3:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm getting better at letting the calmness be.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And now it's not so much calmness coming at either one of us, which is fine.
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: but it's what's happening in the comments.
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now I have started to block people because I've seen the temperament go off the rails.
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: A couple of guys in there like, were you at meet up?
• 3:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I saw it man.
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Block, block.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Block said, we know what you're doing there.
• 3:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you came to this page and got this far down the discussion, and that's what you still have to offer.
• 4:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: The content for you right now, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah work through some other stuff.
• 4:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: But you can see it, but you're not rid of the ingas if you, that move to be like, I want to put my hand for what you trying to introduce yourself to somebody in the comments to fight.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: You catch a case.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're in okay supporters.
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, but it's been good man.
• 4:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like share subscribe The top of the aisle.
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm I'm trying to get back into it, man.
• 4:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't share subscribe If you see anything about a book come across a screen hit that QR code It's about support.
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: See this about it's a whole lot of
• 4:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hold out a whole lot of happy going on right now.
• 4:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I know happiness is a feeling in this fleet, but I take the moments, I take the moments.
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I kind of want to, as it's typical, as it's tradition, we don't discuss, I think we may have one time decided on a topic because we needed to come with five points.
• 4:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think we were talking about the five things and fatherhood, something like that.
• 5:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: We brought something to the tape.
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: But for those that don't know,
• 5:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: We have conversations like, blah, another thing that the comments pointed out to me is that because our conversations are so natural, people think that's scripted.
• 5:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Really?
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's just like, this whole taking y'all is just, like, we know we sit down and actually talk about what we would talk about in the garage.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we rotate picking topics.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have a topic bank here.
• 5:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: If we have an idea through the day, we drop it in the bank.
• 5:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: But then we rotate on what we call a drive in the episode.
• 5:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I, you know, I'll drop a topic and see his perspective and vice versa.
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: The other person don't even know what the topic is until we go live until go.
• 5:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, okay, would you like right now today he's driving?
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have absolutely no idea.
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: No idea, but I'm not going to watch him make sense.
• 6:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: So because everything I learned is that,
• 6:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's not that the timing of when it works is not under my control.
• 6:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 6:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm I'm learned.
• 6:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm I release because the stuff that I posed in the last couple weeks have been throwback and I say that they actually on the page before, but they didn't get any any visibility.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: but post them now they resonate.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the less we know that we've been on track for a minute.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And as a reason to keep going, not that we needed an external reason.
• 6:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 6:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Also, this is not therapy.
• 6:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's therapeutic for us to have a conversation, but again, we have these conversations and grubs.
• 6:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Had a real meaningful conversation and grubs that he don't have a update on.
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: At some point, we'll be a topic of discussion because it's helpful, not because it's sensational, because it's helpful.
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I kind of want to one comment really stood out to me as much as I'm saying during the management column.
• 7:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And what I guess this is part of the management column is.
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: So what makes fatherhood and being a husband worth it?
• 7:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he was responding to a specific clip as it happens, right?
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the clip is a, the clip is a microcosm of a larger conversation.
• 7:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 7:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Most people are never going to go to the whole conversation.
• 7:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let her on get the whole clip.
• 7:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 7:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: That could be a clip right beside the dancers.
• 7:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's what they're looking for.
• 7:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 7:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, man, maybe, maybe it would be good to have a specific conversation.
• 7:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: unscripted about how we feel about what works because we've had experience like we've had two different experiences that have accumulated a collective experience over time.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've had one continuous experience that has accumulated a perspective over time.
• 7:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: So what what makes
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: What the reward, if you will, is when you're single and you're out dating, if that's what your single existence looks like, you're constantly meeting a stranger over and over and over and over and over and over and you're trying to build a rapport, a connection.
• 8:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: So there's still this hesitancy in you that I don't know this person.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what I'm up against.
• 8:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know about any hidden agendas.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what you got.
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you over here?
• 8:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so once you finally build and work past that barrier.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 8:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because it's a barrier, necessarily.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: But a barrier nonetheless.
• 8:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you finally get past that and now you have somebody.
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: that you know, they know you, you know the good, and the bad, and the ugly, and vice versa.
• 9:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to hide anything anymore.
• 9:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I can't let this out yet.
• 9:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: We not on that phase.
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how this person gonna accept this or know this or receive this about me.
• 9:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 9:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when you genuinely 1000% have, I have restate point.
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the sad thing is some people have a restant in marriage.
• 9:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a work, but however, you're too some point for you to have said, okay, we're ready to move into marriage.
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now this is a person that is by design supposed to have your best interest at heart.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: So for me, I'm going to speak to genuine general.
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So for me, this person has my best interest at heart.
• 9:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I move a certain way sometimes I get overly aggressive in an area, especially business wise.
• 9:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll see an opportunity and I kind of go into, we're going to get this, and to have a person by your side that you love and trust enough to say, oh, I'm not saying don't do it, but let's talk about it and you trust and value that person's perspective and opinion enough to know that they're not just trying to start your growth here.
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: They just know I've been around long enough to know.
• 10:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you jump off this cliff and you not rid of the jump off this cliff, you're going to kick yourself later.
• 10:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: So now I know the conversation here with you.
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that balance.
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need a certain level of checks and balance in my life.
• 10:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, Tando.
• 10:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 10:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: How old were you when you were able to accept that challenge of your thought?
• 10:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said I accept it, oh, look at me, look at me, I say it's there, look at me, it's not comfortable in the moment sometime, but I, I, I could get a real bro, I mean, it's, it's not comfortable to say no, you're in the same time when you come up with an idea, who's better than me?
• 10:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who better than me had it's not gonna work with me and I just not gonna work with all game It is playing with me in it.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, because you know that's our favorite line.
• 11:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, God told me God laid this on my heart.
• 11:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: So now with somebody come talking to you about what hold on to God to you this poor don't let that enemy use your life That's the first Review your we're a big that wisdom.
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so But I can't say and applaud her for she be right though
• 11:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's the poor where we kind of have to bite our tongue, but I appreciate it because the stupid mistakes I made as a young man, this is the, just a little nerds on the show of the man that make it worth it for me because this later to save me some headaches and some breath.
• 11:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why tell you what, my pride, my pride has been a thing when it's all on this platform, it will continue to be God, God,
• 11:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: For me, it was the embarrassment of being, let's not wanting the embarrassment of being wrong, but I put so much pressure on myself to always have the answer, like I said before.
• 12:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And from what I saw in marriage, my dad made decisions, which I laid a learn were coordinated decisions.
• 12:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: And there's not that he presented anything like sign you better, she better, no, it's from what it looked like.
• 12:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And again, not having these types of conversations,
• 12:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: early as a child, as a teenager, even as a young married adult, yeah.
• 12:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like that perspective would have been valuable.
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that's that's why we do these conversations now.
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: But just carrying that weight of, I got to figure it out.
• 12:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got to figure it out.
• 12:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got to figure it out.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you literally married a person to figure it out with.
• 12:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I did, I did.
• 12:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: That was right.
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: The rationale for my decision.
• 12:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it was something about my pride that was like,
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: But if I can find, if I can find an adjacent right, if I can find an right that's gives us the same level of benefit even though my MIT 18 more step here I'm just going to tell about two of the steps.
• 13:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's go to it.
• 13:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, just a couple of steps.
• 13:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to take the when I as as I'm learning to let that go life becomes a lot more enjoyable.
• 13:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I know I know I I
• 13:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we've been, we've been married 20, 20 and a half years at this point, 20.
• 13:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 13:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well, a little bit more than 20 and a half, 20 years and an eight months.
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And for me, the parts of it that weren't enjoyable was because I had that wall up of this is my thing.
• 13:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got to control this.
• 13:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want your input, and me saying I don't want your input wasn't, it wasn't, let me call it a little bit, it was dismissive, but it wasn't in terms of suggesting that she was less than, right, right, it was, it was my approach, my version of saying, I got this, let me run with it.
• 14:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to worry about it, yeah, realize very quickly that I'm not built for all of the worry.
• 14:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, and I don't know what man it is.
• 14:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure that's one of the comments.
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we'll fight that one, we
• 14:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: That was a, that was an arresting revelation for me.
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like, oh, wait a minute.
• 14:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're actually watching.
• 14:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, so these, these flare-ups and these things that I have that might just be in the moment for me, right?
• 14:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're getting a collection of these things all the time.
• 14:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they start to understand, that's who that is.
• 15:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And even if it doesn't seem wrong for them, that's almost worse.
• 15:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because now this is to my sons, this is how a man presents to my daughters.
• 15:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is which this is right.
• 15:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's cool.
• 15:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Except this right.
• 15:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not talking about abuse.
• 15:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I always got to say like physical anything like that.
• 15:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: But just I'm trying so hard to be the man and not being
• 15:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: demand that the situation requires that remember we're talking about what we love.
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can enjoy about marriage now.
• 15:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 15:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, so I love I love the being on this side of it now.
• 15:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, why can't you come back and why can't why can't let those things go and kind of let that go at them.
• 15:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: My God, I was up for four years, and I'm saying this because sometimes the perspective of these conversations doesn't include the what I did to contribute to.
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, right, right, right.
• 15:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is just received that what if you couldn't be happy, no, Ninja, I was, I was creating facilitate.
• 16:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, how the full of it.
• 16:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was creating this.
• 16:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And what if the majority was let was learning that I didn't have to.
• 16:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: be so in control of everything.
• 16:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have to worry about everything that I couldn't control.
• 16:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that was actually somebody that was willing to kind of show that alone with my wife is one of her and how do I?
• 16:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: One of her strongest trace is working through adversity.
• 16:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: If there's a person I could pick to go through chaos with, yeah, it's my wife.
• 16:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
• 16:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to be in chaos.
• 16:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm saying like, if I have a thing, if I created a thing or we're going through something, her temperament doesn't make it worse.
• 16:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's a blessing.
• 16:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: The worst did it get, so I enjoyed that.
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and being transparent, the worst that it got for me was because I wasn't allowing her to be what she was designed to be for me, but I'll miss that.
• 17:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so that that part is enjoyable.
• 17:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I guess I guess the message is be mindful of the years that you're shaving off of your happiness.
• 17:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: The yo-exes in the way the yo-exes.
• 17:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, he's in like a slow.
• 17:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's all roses and ice cream in the battlefield, but it's, um, I know I did enough to prevent us being or functioning at the optimal point and being able to release it.
• 17:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got some work to do.
• 17:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I still got some, it's still some things that naturally, if it pops up, I don't naturally say, hey, I need help with this.
• 17:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not, it's not, it's not how you make it.
• 17:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: It ain't second or third nature in every instance, but just knowing like there's a sense of like you said, a sense of relief knowing you have access to that kind of help, just whether it's big or small.
• 18:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I, you know, I definitely agree and I enjoy that.
• 18:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: The other part of being worth it as a husband
• 18:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: for me to grow in general because what got you here won't get you there.
• 18:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you get married based on your experience to a point or you ask for marriage.
• 18:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: My approach, I ask her to marry me based on my experience at that point.
• 18:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 18:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want it marriage based on what I thought it could be
• 18:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: if I was not married to my wife and I'm not keeping that context because I'm over the green grass theory.
• 18:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, learned it over time, but I'm over the green grass theory.
• 18:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, where she has required me to be a better person was in areas where I was comfortable not
• 19:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: a better person because up to that point, life has worked out me being a kind of way, it seemed like it was successful and comfortable for me.
• 19:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: But those, and again, the challenges is the benefit.
• 19:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm not saying, don't take the word challenge, and see, that's why I want to do it.
• 19:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: What's inside though, hi, anything that's worth doing, anything that's worth doing, that
• 19:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: we understand that we almost is like the challenge like being able to talk about the challenges that you even overcame is your resume and not only that if it's worth having yeah and you really want whatever that is you don't even care you put blind is on you don't even care you don't see it you put blind is on to everything to
• 20:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: or run through ahead on because I'm going over there because I got to get there.
• 20:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm getting there for the lot of us don't feel like that about marriage or being the father.
• 20:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Everything about the right day.
• 20:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you look at, if you constantly look at for an exit,
• 20:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: you'll see one every two miles.
• 20:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because you go in with the exit straight.
• 20:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 20:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: You go in with the shit there's not worth.
• 20:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sitted not worth.
• 20:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, with that shit there's not worth.
• 20:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, man.
• 20:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because obviously it's way, you, you, you, you, you, anytime you go into a situation and you have a predetermined expectation, yeah, is almost certain you're going to ruin it.
• 20:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because you know how hard it is to live up to an imagination.
• 20:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's why it's an imagination.
• 20:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can want the best for something.
• 20:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not an expectation.
• 20:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I really want this to work here.
• 20:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if you like, yeah, I'm going to get married.
• 20:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to be a two story house with this square footage.
• 20:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's going to have this type of fence out in the, hey, listen.
• 21:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, perhaps that's in the, in the, the goal.
• 21:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's there.
• 21:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's obtainable, but you've convinced yourself.
• 21:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's supposed to be their day one.
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I get married, it's supposed to be this.
• 21:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: This many vehicles, this much.
• 21:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: you've ruined it already.
• 21:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so you're not even willing to to embrace the work.
• 21:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: that perhaps is involved.
• 21:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because if you want to show up to a cookie cutter, ready-made situation, you're not going to appreciate it or maintain it anyway.
• 21:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because you don't know what it took to get it, to build it.
• 21:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so if you don't know what it takes to get something up to something or build it, then you certainly, it's likely you won't know how to maintain it.
• 21:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because you don't have enough vested interest in it to even go look and read into if you didn't,
• 21:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, well, I didn't build it, but I at least want to study out of me and tell you in this day.
• 21:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let me be happy.
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: You just want the benefit of that thing.
• 21:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 21:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the same thing is relationship.
• 21:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is my second marriage, right?
• 21:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: In my first marriage.
• 21:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had a big taste.
• 22:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Disco.
• 22:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to do this.
• 22:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 22:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Step up.
• 22:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to play it like this.
• 22:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to run it like this.
• 22:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: But take care of her.
• 22:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Raise my kids.
• 22:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll buy a house.
• 22:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Christ up to the point where I left my first marriage swearing.
• 22:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm never getting married again, I started dating.
• 22:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I meet my current wife.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Zero expectation, which is having a good time.
• 22:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I looked up and it had been 60 days and I had seen this woman every single day for 60 days.
• 22:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: You see what I mean?
• 22:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: So zero expectation and just allow the situations to be.
• 22:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: grew into something amazing that benefited me to this day.
• 22:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 22:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's just an example of the difference between expectations with ruined something.
• 22:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's let's let's let's talk about that because like what what um what made her the person at the latest stage in life because I have my version of that any much younger stage of life, which I'm sure you like you said in your
• 23:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is how it's going to be, but yeah.
• 23:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: What made her that steal the answer?
• 23:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Her personality compliments my personality in a lot of areas.
• 23:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not all.
• 23:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not all.
• 23:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: But a lot.
• 23:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm talking, what I say a lot, I mean way more than that.
• 23:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
• 23:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to say 90% but you're going to have somebody in the comments, man, that 10% come on man, nobody's perfect.
• 23:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's the 10% certainly not part of it.
• 23:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: So earlier in my life, I would have crossed this relationship out because of who she is now, like if I had, I'm looking at the version she is now and my younger version of me, I would have crossed this relationship out because she's very accepting and understanding of who my personality is to an extent.
• 23:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm on a habitual line step, I'm going to toe the line, and I will step across the line as far as my aggression, my reaction to a situation, you know, and she'll be like, hey, you don't think that was a little too much that you just say at this person.
• 24:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Young of me would have crashed out.
• 24:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: You trying to change me, but there's nothing wrong with the voice of reason.
• 24:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: He's saying, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, be yourself, but not everything.
• 24:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not every situation deserves everything, right on to me.
• 24:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 24:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm, I learned things from her, you know, she learns things from me.
• 24:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: So,
• 24:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: I absolutely wanted the opposite of anything I've ever had or experienced in my life, dating wise.
• 24:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because I wanted to do that jump in and out of relationships, like growing up, I didn't do that girl friend.
• 24:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we kicking it, we kicking it out, we knocked it out, and so my first real relationship was my first marriage, right, the place to learn.
• 25:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 25:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I went on dates, but we, that's another topic when we get to another platform, but we
• 25:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then now, this is my second relationship, and a lot of things that I learned about myself and my flaws and the first relationship, I don't want to repeat those flaws here.
• 25:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I corrected them, tweaked them, and then she's over, let me say this, this is very important.
• 25:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: The same person can be two different people depending on who they're interacting with.
• 25:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And for sure, some people act like they don't understand that they're like,
• 25:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because even as a parent, my parenting style now, I'm a totally different day at now.
• 25:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Part of it is age, wisdom, experience, patience, my God.
• 25:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: But having a receptive, participating partner encourages me to do more as opposed to, you can't bombard me with obligation.
• 26:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, we still have to tell me things like you should.
• 26:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you not, you should, you better.
• 26:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Easy.
• 26:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hold on, no, my Peru.
• 26:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't talk to me, but when I better, I, I, so now you turn into, I'm a provider.
• 26:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to provide the basic necessities.
• 26:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's miserable because the kids are going to suffer in this example.
• 26:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 26:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you have a receptive person that is jumping in doing things and they're not complaining and they're not gripping, let me take that load off you baby.
• 26:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got that.
• 26:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let me do it.
• 26:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because you see they do it.
• 26:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's not a chore.
• 26:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: And they're not nagging you about it.
• 26:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Word nagging because that that words thrown around in the middle community.
• 26:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's the
• 26:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I know, I was laughing that you say you didn't have a relationship like that, you know, I was relation though.
• 26:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, oh, oh, yeah, whatever.
• 26:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, the fire relation because so it please, would you just say it?
• 27:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: What's the spirit of nag was identified?
• 27:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: God bless you and catch the bell, catch the bell.
• 27:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: My roommate used to tell me, catch the bell and lock on your way out.
• 27:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Catch the bell because I, that, there were things that were very important to me early on.
• 27:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: The, I knew that situation wasn't going anywhere.
• 27:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: That was worth working through that.
• 27:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, right, right.
• 27:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Call it what you want.
• 27:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I was, I was wise enough to not try to force things to work no matter how bad she was.
• 27:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: That that's the time to be that way.
• 27:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Who, brilliant.
• 27:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that's brilliant.
• 27:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Good.
• 27:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, um, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, but that was either like I can honestly say and I'm not just saying it's the two to home.
• 27:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: She absolutely does bring out the best in me.
• 27:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not always comfortable.
• 27:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't stop hearing married people or successful people say.
• 27:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Man, I lost everything and that drove me to create this empire that's now worth billions.
• 28:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 28:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: All you heard was I lost everything.
• 28:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Man, I'm in a loving, healthy, wonderful, beautiful marriage.
• 28:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: But sometimes we get on each other nerves.
• 28:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I drive up crazy, you drive me crazy.
• 28:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: See, it's why I'll never get married.
• 28:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know about a driving me crazy?
• 28:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: What are you talking about?
• 28:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: You see what I'm saying?
• 28:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just the extremes of, man, I bought this brand new Cadillac and had a flat tire on it two weeks later.
• 28:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Never buying the Cadillac again.
• 28:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not buying a car again.
• 28:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you?
• 28:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ha ha ha.
• 28:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not buying anything with wheels again.
• 28:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's wrong with you.
• 28:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, the more of the story is, everything not perfect, but don't throw the baby out with the bad part of it.
• 28:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: My wife will,
• 28:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: My wife's version of figure things out is way calmer than mine.
• 28:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because this cycle's that I have to go through.
• 29:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
• 29:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Until I don't.
• 29:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And until I don't.
• 29:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And one of them, unfortunately, is a temporary shut down because I got the process this thing.
• 29:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got the.
• 29:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got the thing to all of the worst outcomes that are possibly going to happen.
• 29:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 29:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because somebody lost the keys to the car.
• 29:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: The, out the window.
• 29:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not yelling the screen.
• 29:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not yelling the screen.
• 29:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And now I'm getting the very generic.
• 29:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And not yelling the screen with about anything.
• 29:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm gonna go off to the side.
• 29:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, probably lost the keys, probably.
• 29:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Who's you doing with lost keys?
• 29:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going through all that in my mind.
• 29:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And keys is like,
• 29:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: What did you ask him the last place they saw?
• 29:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: How dare you ask me did I ask him that if that makes sense?
• 29:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and I didn't hear it and
• 30:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: as awesome of a person as you are, then 98.9% that you get right, it's this little piece over here, because that was also me in school, like at the point where I started taking school series, like I almost rather get it, get a 75 on the test in the 95.
• 30:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because now I'm
• 30:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: The ninety five suggested I made a clerical error.
• 30:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Did I not read the question?
• 30:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Did I not read this five percent go and then when I get back I'm like
• 30:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't breathe.
• 30:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't even send this reading a question.
• 30:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I'd be more annoyed by that because it was an opportunity to be at a hundred percent that a, a, a, a, a, a me flow happening versus when I, I missed this whole concept.
• 31:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I understood this concept to be this way and this whole section is wrong because I didn't get it.
• 31:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: That makes sense.
• 31:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it's all, it, it, it, her being able to look at things for,
• 31:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: what they actually are versus me looking at some things as what they potentially could evolve to because I got I got it up.
• 31:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I did what's the most you lost your car keys So the house keys was with it.
• 31:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: We gonna get raw now.
• 31:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got to shoot somebody and now I'm gonna be in jail And now y'all came provide for yourselves and then my son's things okay to kill people
• 31:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are they going to, are they going to be in, are they going to be in gangs?
• 31:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it would be the, it'd be the, it'd be the irrational one, there's one thing right here.
• 31:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: It'd be the irrational talk.
• 31:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 31:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's a part of that is tongue and cheek.
• 31:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, not much of, but, but just being able to have a different version of arriving at a solution is what I needed to do and nothing taught me that more than how important
• 32:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: having all the solutions as a leader is the quickest way to fall as a lead.
• 32:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is.
• 32:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you only think you have the solution and you're either not listening or just pacifying people as they talk to you about what they believe can work.
• 32:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's too full.
• 32:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's too full because now one, your approach, your teams approach is going to be one
• 32:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: but everybody's on that group thing.
• 32:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: So whatever you say, they adapt to that.
• 32:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you here?
• 32:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: They feel like they have to.
• 32:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 32:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I have 10 people here, that should be 10 versions of an idea or approaches to an idea.
• 32:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to hear all tunable.
• 32:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: You could absolutely trump what I was thinking, right?
• 33:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or combine two of them and be like, that's brilliant.
• 33:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Did you get what you just said?
• 33:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if you don't encourage that, you're starting their growth and your productivity is only going to reach as high as you can go, right?
• 33:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: When it's 10 of us, and we can steadily lift as we climb if you will.
• 33:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And indeed, so fatherhood, you've had two different experiences without as well.
• 33:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 33:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I said that that was a cheap way of saying,
• 33:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you have one kid, you have more than one experience with all the good, because you change, they change.
• 33:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's true.
• 33:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: They all algorithms.
• 33:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I was talking about two different phases of your life.
• 33:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: What makes fatherhood worth it today?
• 33:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why is it still yesterday?
• 33:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Having people that unconditionally believing you.
• 33:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Stayed to me too, is worthwhile to me, man.
• 33:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't care what kind of day.
• 33:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: you're having or did have or what you got going on to know that a human being that that depends on you.
• 34:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: believes in everything that you do and say.
• 34:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: What you say until there are teenagers, what you say is gospel.
• 34:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're not going to say I can guess it.
• 34:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: My dad said they're the finnet.
• 34:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if so be careful with that because if you wrong, then you got your kid out here loud and round.
• 34:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Fantastic.
• 34:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Swamp for God.
• 34:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is what God said.
• 34:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is what your dad said.
• 34:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he wrote.
• 34:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I just kept with that because I'm, I, I, I, I
• 34:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know the dynamic in my watch the show.
• 34:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: You say rain and brain.
• 34:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: So my kids run circles around me a couple of times a year.
• 34:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's fine.
• 34:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't care.
• 34:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because it's a brain juniors.
• 34:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, you know, brain brain brain brain wife.
• 34:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay.
• 34:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
• 34:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got the hurt convention.
• 34:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, okay.
• 34:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I say her just did a nerd so my son don't take offense.
• 35:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just let you out of it on film the secret.
• 35:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: So.
• 35:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: When my wife or my nine-year-old says some out of this, this atmosphere, something or revelation about something hurt.
• 35:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ask me, trick questions about my life.
• 35:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what you're doing.
• 35:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what you're trying to do, sir.
• 35:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Go ask your mom, and that's your son.
• 35:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that to me though makes it worthwhile man.
• 35:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: We we we they genuinely check on me like if I'm sitting down and I'm I'm deep in thought about something Man one of my sons of walk-up two men just say you okay that what you doing what's going on and that I don't care what I had going on man It's almost like it's either paused or it goes away.
• 35:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and
• 35:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: that actively makes me check in to the moment, right then of whatever they got going on.
• 36:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: If they watch in cartoons, I sit there and watch it with them for a few minutes.
• 36:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the way to the world, believe it or not, it seemed like it just kind of get off your leg.
• 36:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I really appreciate that about them and about fatherhood because it's necessary.
• 36:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: We get so caught up in providing and trying to make sure we raise them right and we teach it right.
• 36:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I've got to make sure you have these values and those things are absolutely important.
• 36:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: But life is about balance.
• 36:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to be a parent who has forgot what it's like to be a child.
• 36:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like as a parent, we can rob our children of their innocence and of their experiences because we're so ready for them to be so serious and prepared.
• 36:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Man, you're going into the digital era, they got all this AI, you need to be working, you need to be studying, you need to be on these computers, you need to be learning these programs and software, is it processes?
• 37:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 37:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: but also that needs to be a break.
• 37:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Go outside.
• 37:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Go outside.
• 37:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Go play, man.
• 37:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Go swing it out, run it out, you little screen, keep breaks up.
• 37:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Even if, like, he's on there.
• 37:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: But they're gonna do that.
• 37:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, caught my balls throwing rocks at the neighbor garage door at his house.
• 37:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Chump.
• 37:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: But let the kids be kids, man.
• 37:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: The way you friend that was was one of the things that I was thinking is, they remind me that,
• 37:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: life is really going to be okay.
• 37:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 37:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's not as bad.
• 37:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: It can't be as bad for them because they haven't had as many bad experiences to shape the way that they think negative.
• 37:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: All of this is taught.
• 37:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: All of this taught.
• 37:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's why we believe anything can happen up to up until we get enough information enough feedback that says nothing can happen.
• 37:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 37:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we believe that didn't something change is once we've heard enough or seen it enough to and believe that so it's like what I see them.
• 38:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like Eli I said it before he'll just make stuff.
• 38:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, and the medium would change before was called or didn't it might be Lego, it might be anything.
• 38:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: But he'll just go away get quiet and come back like.
• 38:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Tadah, yeah, and it's amazing not because he's my son, but it's because it's like it's actually my whole long I wouldn't I couldn't do this any faster than you did.
• 38:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, right, right, and best I couldn't do it any faster, right?
• 38:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I doubt if I could recreate it, right, could I do it and then and I decided to took you.
• 38:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like man, he, he That's a there's a freedom in that that reminds me of
• 38:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: as much, like you were saying, for us and them into adulthood.
• 38:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes we need to, I don't say walk away from adulthood, but remind ourselves what it was like to not have the way to the world on you.
• 39:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like you said, those moments correct.
• 39:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Those moments help.
• 39:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Eat it is the one that would be like you good, look stressed.
• 39:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm happy about it, but I'm also concerned, like, why does she know, like, what, what, what am I presenting?
• 39:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, yes.
• 39:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: That is, because I try to be so careful in my afloat what I'm demonstrating, like, man, is the day so far beyond me that I don't even know how I don't even know.
• 39:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: With my facial expression, it says, it's sometimes that's the case.
• 39:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, it's, it's, um, and then there's the adults.
• 39:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: You said when they become teenagers, man, this is, I got three adults, you listen.
• 39:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: One of them has a child.
• 39:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the joy in that is different.
• 39:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the concerns are different.
• 39:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because I'm not in the place while I'm still trying to help, I never really hovered.
• 39:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I'm very protected when we go out.
• 40:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, we will go out and I wouldn't enjoy myself because I'm always looking around.
• 40:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll go.
• 40:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll go.
• 40:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll go out.
• 40:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: but allowing them to show you the return or what you've done to that book.
• 40:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: This, because it's really on them.
• 40:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like, you didn't have to walk the way but they don't have any support on that or any guidance.
• 40:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it's like, these are people like these are big humans and interacting with other big humans and I have no say over how that go.
• 40:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: None.
• 40:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I really just see results.
• 40:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: to have conversations and hope they still stick, but seeing the decisions that they make, and I'll never agree with all of them.
• 40:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't agree with all the decisions I meet in retrospect.
• 40:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: In the moment, I absolutely was right there to do.
• 40:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I know, the right thing to do.
• 40:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I was like, ah, shouldn't have done that.
• 40:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why for was probably right, time or two.
• 40:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: But seeing how they're, seeing how they adjust to what things don't go their way, what things do go their way.
• 41:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: When they have a gap between where they are and where they need to be or what they want to be, what they do.
• 41:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: It throws that gap.
• 41:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you sitting in the sulking?
• 41:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you getting after it?
• 41:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you researching?
• 41:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you asking questions?
• 41:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you trying to think?
• 41:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 41:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm very content with what I'm seeing.
• 41:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Of course, there are things that I would put this piece of it because I've already lost enough pieces, but they don't have that perspective other than me telling them.
• 41:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, again, give them as much information as possible, but life is to be lit.
• 41:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Certainly.
• 41:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not just heard about.
• 41:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: No.
• 41:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, they got to go out there and they got to mix it up with the world and see what's returned.
• 41:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm really
• 41:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm enjoying this phase that the question of things that I want to be better and different quicker, but to me, it's still, it's still worth it, to cast orders I have financials in it today, they are 22, 1918, 12, and 10, and we've got a couple of birthdays left this year.
• 42:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it's just a gamut.
• 42:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 42:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 42:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if there's a question about my perspective, hopefully they give you context, and that doesn't mean I know everything that means I have.
• 42:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: a great deal of experience in this house.
• 42:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they've always been in the same house.
• 42:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm, it's still yes.
• 42:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's nothing that I would actually, you know, I used to, some people have, what could do would you do different?
• 42:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you got, if you got married again, would you do this, I don't even in saying that conversation.
• 42:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: at all anymore, because of this regard.
• 42:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I can't imagine life not having met my children.
• 42:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, right, right, right, right, right.
• 42:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, let alone, right, like doing life with them, like having not, like, oh, but you with a head, Nick, I don't know them, though.
• 43:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right, right, right, right.
• 43:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
• 43:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not worth it.
• 43:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not a trade-off.
• 43:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's nothing, there's nothing that I've been through and life that says, man, it would have been cool if I never met any of them.
• 43:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: They focus on the marriage part, but if you undo one thing, you undo everything.
• 43:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so now if I remove this piece, everything that was built, including my children, including with that person, goes away.
• 43:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: So while you can't live in regret, you can't live in, well, I would go back and change that.
• 43:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: You cannot.
• 43:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 43:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's in place for reasons.
• 43:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever it is, good battle and different.
• 43:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: It took place.
• 43:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: This was a product of it taking place.
• 43:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you say, oh, I want to change that, then even the things you enjoy, that came from that.
• 43:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: those away as well, is are you willing to trade that?
• 43:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you should not be, if we talk about children, not for all the money in the world.
• 44:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And this is not saying that staying in the marriage because of the kids, I'm saying all of it is interconnected.
• 44:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 44:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can't undo one piece without the other.
• 44:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, would you unhappy?
• 44:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not saying stay unhappy.
• 44:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think there will be unhappy times that you should stay through.
• 44:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: like that unhappy times on the job that you figure out and you figure it out unhappy times on that.
• 44:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: professional sports team that you live your whole life and worked your whole life board.
• 44:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Man and when it that you all that is led up to that to himself.
• 44:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, well, I'm sorry.
• 44:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry.
• 44:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry.
• 44:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: You put that in person.
• 44:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I I've never.
• 44:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've never.
• 44:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: You put that in your your little team.
• 44:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: How boys are you?
• 44:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're a little team.
• 44:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Having a having a having a time school.
• 44:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Big team.
• 44:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Little team having a team.
• 44:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're doing it.
• 44:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're
• 44:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who have we played in the field teams professional same teams that are beaten the life out of you guys and being the life out of the Dallas Cup and typically the railing fashion he's taking my death.
• 45:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I mean in the rub got just complete you through that in there.
• 45:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: He's I'm talking about is it was it was it was it hang in there.
• 45:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, no, I'm gonna pick up where you left off.
• 45:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna ride a
• 45:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: through the good band ugly.
• 45:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Certainly your wife, your family, your marriage, certainly is worth you seeking it out to a hard day or a hard ship.
• 45:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, not that for me is worth it.
• 45:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, real life, you know, is worth it because I'm with the person I suppose to be.
• 45:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Amen.
• 45:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: So this is not blanket, general statement that marriage equals this.
• 45:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, no, because I, this is my thickest.
• 45:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Met, marriage is a certificate.
• 45:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is it a license, any widths?
• 45:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: And somebody that is is authorized to say some things about it.
• 45:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's a wedding.
• 46:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, that means you're married.
• 46:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but that's a wedding.
• 46:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Marriage, when I hold on, let me get you right there.
• 46:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Come on, the marriage portion is the relationship.
• 46:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, the work, the interaction, the building, the understanding, the communication, that's the marriage.
• 46:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if you don't have a good version of that after the wedding,
• 46:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: with what do you have of the voice, no, no, no, you haven't done that.
• 46:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: You still have a marriage, unhealthy, not good, not great.
• 46:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: What I'm saying is, don't, don't like in with the idea of a marriage being a thing on its own.
• 46:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 46:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like it just just because you did this, you're in a marriage.
• 46:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: What they automatically, whether y'all look at each other after the honeymoon in that.
• 46:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: You still have a merit.
• 46:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's true, that's true.
• 46:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: What kind of effort are you going to put into it to make it the desirable life that you want?
• 46:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's what I'm saying.
• 46:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I say, I'm just saying, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 47:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I get it, yep, I feel you did that.
• 47:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you did it.
• 47:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so, you know, if, and take responsibility for your choice, man, that's another thing to comment.
• 47:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Something like, man, it's, oh, wow.
• 47:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: We, who's going to say I chose man?
• 47:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: because you felt the certain way about this person at one point.
• 47:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 47:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: As bad as my first relationship went.
• 47:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: At some point, it could not have been that bad or we wouldn't have ended up married.
• 47:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: In chills.
• 47:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: You still chokes.
• 47:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 47:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, to your point, I have a 24 year old, my second son will be 21 next week.
• 47:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Of a 19 year old son.
• 47:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: 15-year-old daughter, nine-year-old son, seven-year-old son, my nine-year-old will be TN next month.
• 47:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: So 24, 21, 19, 15, nine, and seven, yeah.
• 47:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: So we push in, man.
• 47:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: We push, net net, it's all worth it.
• 47:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, what you got closing?
• 48:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: In closing, be patient, be loving, and check in.
• 48:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: To help bring that home, if you will,
• 48:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I saw a guy post a real on social media and it helped this idea resonate with me as a baby, your child, when your child is a baby, your Russian Russian Russian, come on say dad, say daddy, say daddy.
• 48:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the end, five, six years old, he riding in the truck and his daughter in the back seat.
• 48:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, so he holding his hair like
• 48:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: be quiet, stop talking.
• 48:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you Russian, Russian, Russian, Russian, your key is to get to a point.
• 48:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the great pair of cheat code.
• 48:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Relax and just know that it's coming and join this phase because you know the next stuff is pretty much automatic.
• 49:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's autopilot.
• 49:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're going to
• 49:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're going to walk.
• 49:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're going to talk.
• 49:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're going to eat.
• 49:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're going to grow.
• 49:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're going to progress.
• 49:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: God bless.
• 49:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
• 49:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
• 49:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
• 49:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I hope this was helpful.
• 49:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's the purpose of the platform this time, what I wish my father told me is having conversations that we necessarily didn't have.
• 49:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Without fathers or at the right time, if ever, in conversations, we don't want to avoid without sons.
• 49:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would, it would have been great to have this catalog of conversations on standby at 1819.
• 49:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's what got to potential.
• 49:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that could happen.
• 49:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you went through that.
• 49:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it's about the whole experience of a man.
• 49:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Every man is not a father, but every man is a son.
• 49:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is what I wish my father told me.
• 50:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's the one to do for this episode.
• 50:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: New pre-says, you guys, God bless you, peace.