Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / GHOSTLIGHTING! Why Narcissists Ghost You and Then Pretend They Didn't

Transcript

GHOSTLIGHTING! Why Narcissists Ghost You and Then Pretend They Didn't · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, Beautiful people.
• 0:02
  Lee Hammock, your favorite? You can have a favorite
• 0:05
  diagnosed narcissists here with another episode today.
• 0:09
  Yeah, today we talking about ghost lighting.
• 0:12
  I know you like. Wait, Lee.
• 0:14
  Ghost lighting. You mean gas lighting?
• 0:16
  Do you mean ghosting? No, I mean ghost lighting.
• 0:21
  It's when gaslighting meets meet and ghosting meet up in the
• 0:26
  club, have a party, both of them have a couple drinks and they
• 0:29
  come home and have a baby. Ghost lighting with narcissistic
• 0:33
  people, toxic people, whoever, right?
• 0:36
  They ghost you but they come back and act like nothing ever
• 0:39
  happened. They try to trick you into
• 0:41
  thinking that you're crazy. They use ghosting as a as a part
• 0:46
  of gaslighting. They work in tandem.
• 0:48
  They work together in unison and what not right?
• 0:52
  You know what I'm talking about. You know you, you, I think most,
• 0:54
  a lot of people have been ghosted.
• 0:55
  You understand what ghosting is right?
• 0:57
  And you, you absolutely know the vibe.
• 1:01
  You know a narcissist, toxic person, whoever it is right
• 1:05
  disappears. No call, no text, no WhatsApp,
• 1:09
  no telegram, no signal, no nothing, no Snapchat, no
• 1:14
  nothing. They just vanished out like off
• 1:16
  the face of the earth. They damn like no good night
• 1:19
  messages. They turn their location off.
• 1:22
  They gone for weeks, days, weeks, month, whatever, right?
• 1:26
  Any any indiscernible amount of time they gone and you, you,
• 1:30
  they might have look, they might have just been ghost like
• 1:34
  narcissistic robot. They might have just been love
• 1:39
  bombing you. So you might be on a high and
• 1:41
  out of nowhere they disappear, right?
• 1:44
  So you are aspiring when you think you done something wrong,
• 1:47
  you checking your location, it's all you're crying, but you're
• 1:50
  losing your mind and you, you don't know what the hell
• 1:53
  happened. You don't know what's going on.
• 1:54
  You telling your friends like I, I think I've been, I don't know
• 1:57
  what happened. They just disappeared out of
• 1:58
  nowhere. You telling your friends, your
• 2:00
  family members, you're telling everybody what has happened,
• 2:02
  what is went wrong. And then guess what happens?
• 2:06
  The narcissist pops back up and they don't, they don't just pop
• 2:11
  back up. They pop back up like nothing
• 2:14
  happened. They pop back up like you're
• 2:17
  crazy for even thinking, for ghost ghosting you.
• 2:20
  What? They pop back up like like you
• 2:24
  are crazy. And then you'll say look,
• 2:27
  because you are flabbergasted and you're just confused.
• 2:30
  You'll say something to them like you're like, where were you
• 2:33
  at? You never called me.
• 2:34
  You didn't text me. Where?
• 2:35
  What happened? Where'd you go?
• 2:37
  And they look at you like, what are you talking about?
• 2:40
  You're like you're the one who go.
• 2:42
  You're the one who ghosted me. I've been calling you.
• 2:45
  I've been texting you. Did you not get my goodnight
• 2:48
  message? I send you a heart.
• 2:49
  I send you a heart emoji every single night or they'll make up
• 2:53
  a lie. I told you last month that I was
• 2:56
  going to my cousin's house and I don't have very good service
• 2:58
  there. Like what?
• 2:59
  What, what are you talking about in ghost?
• 3:00
  You know, I I wouldn't do that to you.
• 3:02
  You're crazy. You're what's going on.
• 3:05
  Like you can check your text messages.
• 3:06
  I've been texting you the whole time.
• 3:08
  You, you your phone must be broken.
• 3:10
  You must have deleted it. That right there, that
• 3:14
  combination of gaslighting and ghosting, that's ghost lighting
• 3:19
  right there. Like it's literally when they
• 3:21
  come together, I'm going to tell you.
• 3:23
  And today we get, we go into a breakdown of exactly why
• 3:26
  narcissist and toxic people do it, right?
• 3:28
  Because the ghost thing, they can ghost you like narcissistic
• 3:30
  people can ghost you for any amount of reasons.
• 3:32
  I think we, I think we can all understand that, right?
• 3:35
  I think we can all understand that a lot of narcissists, toxic
• 3:37
  people, whoever will ghost you for any reason under the sun,
• 3:41
  they'll they they can ghost you to punish you because you've
• 3:43
  been holding them accountable. They can ghost you for
• 3:45
  something, for this, for that. Like they can be actually be in
• 3:48
  a whole new relationship and disappear.
• 3:50
  They can take a work trip where they plan on cheating, right?
• 3:54
  They can take a work trip where they plan on cheating and
• 3:55
  meeting somebody else and the whole time just ghost you while
• 3:58
  they're there, right? That's not an accident.
• 4:02
  Yeah, you don't ghost people. Let me say this first.
• 4:05
  Just just because somebody ghost you does not make them
• 4:08
  narcissist, right? Because I know some of y'all
• 4:09
  might have ghosted them to escape an abusive relationship.
• 4:13
  Ghosting does not make you a narcissist, right?
• 4:14
  It's the intent behind the ghosting.
• 4:17
  You know what I'm saying? It's the intent right there.
• 4:19
  All right? So no idea.
• 4:21
  So back to the regular video. Ghosting is on purpose.
• 4:25
  Y'all know that, right? Yeah.
• 4:28
  Y'all, y'all know that? Y'all know Ghosting is 100% on
• 4:30
  purpose. It absolutely is.
• 4:32
  They're ghosting you on purpose. Is not an accident.
• 4:35
  They didn't lose your phone, they didn't lose their phone,
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  they didn't forget your phone number.
• 4:39
  They didn't break a leg or disappear right?
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  They were not in a bad service area for months at a time a
• 4:45
  year. That's not an accident.
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  They're not too busy at work. I don't understand that.
• 4:50
  Like I'm too busy at work. I can't take 5 seconds to send
• 4:53
  you a message. No, they are intentionally
• 4:55
  withdrawing their presence in your life for whatever reason.
• 4:58
  It could be to punish you. It could be they because they
• 5:00
  have a new supply. It could be good because you are
• 5:03
  the new supply and they're cheating with you, right?
• 5:06
  So a lot of times they're sometimes they'll ghost you like
• 5:09
  there would be ghosting you to test you.
• 5:12
  They want to see you starving for that attention, right?
• 5:15
  They want to see you starving for attention.
• 5:16
  That's what literally why sometimes they'll ghost you.
• 5:18
  Usually, like I said, this is what happens and they'll ghost
• 5:22
  you is a power play because you look and sometimes look,
• 5:26
  sometimes during this ghosting, they will block you, right?
• 5:29
  Not all the time, but sometimes they will absolutely block you
• 5:33
  to to cut off communication from your side, right?
• 5:38
  They'll block you to cut off communication from your side,
• 5:41
  but you haven't blocked them. So the communication is always
• 5:44
  open from them to you. So that happens right there as
• 5:47
  well. It's a power play.
• 5:49
  They want to make sure that you know that they're in charge.
• 5:51
  They're training you to not do something like if they tell, if
• 5:54
  you feel like it's your fault that they ghosted you, you're
• 5:57
  going to try to change your behaviors, but they're not going
• 5:59
  to tell you what's wrong. You're going to feel like you
• 6:02
  got to change your behaviors or whatever the case may be.
• 6:04
  And then just because you might still be in love with this
• 6:07
  person that you didn't get any closure, you allow them back
• 6:09
  into your life. And y'all know, I tell you, if
• 6:13
  somebody ghosts you, you got to let them remain Casper.
• 6:15
  You got to let them remain Casper.
• 6:17
  They're friendly, narcissistic ghosts.
• 6:19
  You cannot let them back into your life because otherwise
• 6:22
  they're just going to disrupt your peace, disrupt your life.
• 6:24
  And they just keep doing this. They'll keep doing it over and
• 6:27
  over and over again. And that's what ends up
• 6:29
  happening right there, right. So, but like I said, ghosting is
• 6:33
  just the first part. The ghosting is just the first
• 6:35
  part. The lighting part, the gas
• 6:38
  lighting part is where it gets is where it really starts to
• 6:41
  mess with your mind. The ghosting already hurts you.
• 6:43
  It makes you feel like incomplete and invalidated and
• 6:47
  unworthy and stuff like that. But the gas lighting part makes
• 6:50
  it the ghost lighting, the gas lighting part of it makes it
• 6:53
  really, really bad. You know, because they'll they
• 6:56
  won't just admit that they were ghosting you, right?
• 6:59
  They don't want to be the bad guy.
• 7:00
  So they'll just make up some craziness to make you feel like
• 7:02
  you're going crazy, make you feel like it's your fault.
• 7:05
  I sent you a heart emoji like last week.
• 7:09
  You didn't get it. Wow, your phone must be going
• 7:11
  crazy or my phone must be acting.
• 7:12
  I don't know what it is. I sent you a Peach emoji because
• 7:15
  I missed that booty. I miss them cheeks.
• 7:20
  You didn't get it because I was thinking about them cheek gear.
• 7:23
  You know what I'm saying? I told you I was going out of
• 7:25
  town, blah, blah, blah. Whatever it is, right?
• 7:27
  They're going to just try to gaslight you, to manipulate you
• 7:30
  into just dropping your guard or just not wanting to talk about
• 7:34
  it or just some type of unexplainable circumstance
• 7:37
  happen that you can't prove right.
• 7:39
  You can't prove that your phone is not messed up or I didn't
• 7:43
  text you because I guess what, I deleted it, right?
• 7:47
  I deleted it. They're trying to make you doubt
• 7:49
  your own technology, so you start looking through your
• 7:51
  trash. Yeah, yeah.
• 7:52
  If you start looking through your trash folder or take your
• 7:54
  phone to the the shop to get fixed or whatever because they
• 7:58
  told you to, they they win. They feel like they've
• 8:00
  successfully ghost lighted you. They won because they're back
• 8:03
  into your life and they can try to pretend like nothing has
• 8:05
  happened, but like, yeah, and that's because you let it back
• 8:08
  in your life. You cannot allow them back into
• 8:10
  your space or into your life because they'll just keep doing
• 8:12
  the same things over and over again.
• 8:14
  You mean because narcissists love this technique?
• 8:17
  They love ghost lighted you because it because it absolutely
• 8:21
  puts you on the defensive. So because like if I ghost you
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  and at first you might be mad and upset or whatever the case
• 8:28
  may be, instead of you being mad, I've successfully ghost
• 8:32
  like you. Instead of you being mad at me
• 8:33
  for leaving, you're apologizing to me.
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  You're saying I'm sorry I missed your text.
• 8:38
  I didn't, I didn't, I had no idea.
• 8:39
  I'm sorry I missed your call. You call me right now to make
• 8:42
  sure it goes through. Can you send me a text message
• 8:44
  right now to make sure it goes through And then guess what
• 8:46
  happens? I'm right here in front of you
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  or I'm not even right in front of you.
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  I'm on the phone. We're on FaceTime.
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  I text you right then and there and it works.
• 8:53
  So you'll OK now? Thank goodness.
• 8:55
  I thought there was something wrong on my phone.
• 8:56
  Well, welcome back into my life. Gotcha, gotcha.
• 9:02
  Now you apologizing to that person, You, you apologizing to
• 9:05
  me, the narcissist, whoever. And they feel like they got you
• 9:08
  right where they want you. You see what I'm saying?
• 9:10
  They feel like they got you right where they want you and
• 9:12
  right where they if they get you here, it's you.
• 9:14
  You damn near cooked because they're going to do they
• 9:17
  probably can do it over and over and over again with no end
• 9:21
  insight because why would they stop doing this if it works?
• 9:24
  You know, why would they stop ghosting you if it works?
• 9:27
  Some of them will just some of them will just automatically
• 9:29
  ghost you because like I say again, you might be the new
• 9:32
  supply or they have new supply they have they have new supply,
• 9:38
  you know what I mean? So now you would like so if you,
• 9:42
  if they successfully ghost like you, they can damn near make you
• 9:45
  paranoid. It really can.
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  You start screenshot and everything.
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  You start double texting me to make sure it goes through.
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  You start texting me to make sure like I could say, hey, can
• 9:54
  you send me a message to make sure everything's still going
• 9:56
  through. You might text me the next day
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  or call me the next day to make sure everything's still going
• 10:00
  through. That's when I know I got you.
• 10:01
  That's when you're a narcissistic partner X whoever
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  the ghoster, the ghost lighter. That's when they know that they
• 10:07
  got you. They'll keep doing this type of
• 10:09
  stuff right here because if they, if it's working, it's
• 10:11
  working and they're going to keep it working out.
• 10:13
  That's really, that's really how it goes right here.
• 10:15
  I know what you're going to now. I know what you're going to say
• 10:17
  next, Lee. OK.
• 10:20
  How do we stop getting ghost lit?
• 10:24
  Trust yourself. Trust the data.
• 10:26
  Yeah. If somebody really wants to get
• 10:29
  in contact with you, they're not just going to send one message
• 10:32
  or whatever the case may be. They're going to keep contacting
• 10:34
  you until you respond, right? If somebody really wants to get
• 10:37
  in contact with you, so if somebody comes back, when
• 10:40
  somebody comes back into your life and make some stuff up
• 10:43
  about you missing a message or this happened or that happening,
• 10:46
  they are lying. You have to trust the data.
• 10:48
  You have to trust your mind because like damn near when has
• 10:52
  your phone ever done that? You just used that.
• 10:54
  When has your phone ever had issues like that?
• 10:56
  I've never really had issues receiving messages.
• 10:59
  Some people may, depending on where you live, but how often
• 11:01
  does it actually happen? You have to be realistic.
• 11:04
  They didn't call, they didn't text, but you didn't miss
• 11:08
  messages for three days. They didn't miss messages for
• 11:11
  three days. They were not too busy.
• 11:14
  If your phone says they didn't call, if your e-mail says they
• 11:17
  didn't e-mail, if your WhatsApp say they didn't say they did
• 11:19
  WhatsApp, then they didn't do it.
• 11:21
  And so when they try to ghost like you, like when they try to,
• 11:25
  when they, when they, when they are successfully trying to ghost
• 11:27
  like you, don't say prove it. Don't ask them to prove it
• 11:31
  because they'll just continue to lie.
• 11:32
  I deleted it. You deleted it.
• 11:35
  My phone must have messed up too.
• 11:36
  If I sent it and it bounced back, it's not going to be in my
• 11:39
  message folder either. Instead of asking to prove it,
• 11:42
  just say I know the truth. I know my reality.
• 11:46
  I'm not discussing this version of events And then dip on them.
• 11:50
  Dip. You don't have to let Casper.
• 11:52
  You don't have to let them haunt you.
• 11:54
  You absolutely do not let have to let Casper the friendly
• 11:57
  narcissistic ghost haunt you with their unfinished business.
• 12:04
  Anyways, y'all, what do you think about this topic?
• 12:06
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• 12:23
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