Latest / Dear Chelsea / Put Some Luxury On It with Da’Vine Joy Randolph

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Put Some Luxury On It with Da’Vine Joy Randolph · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: High and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,
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  Speaker 1: Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
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  Speaker 1: North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I will be touring from February through June, so go
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: get your tickets now. If you want to come see
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Hi there, Catherine, How are you you?
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: Hi, Chelsea. I'm doing great. We have two episodes this week.
• 1:04
  Speaker 4: In case you missed it, We had an episode with
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: Elizabeth Olsen that came out yesterday, so be sure to
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: check that out.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: So our guest today was named one of the one
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  Speaker 1: hundred most Influential People in twenty twenty four. She's a
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  Speaker 1: Best Supporting Actress Oscar winner, and her new movie, It's Hearnity,
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  Speaker 1: is out now.
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  Speaker 2: So please welcome day Vine Joy Randolph.
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  Speaker 1: Oh yay, we're sitting down with Davine Joy Randolph.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Do you know that we have the same middle name?
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  Speaker 5: Oh?
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  Speaker 2: I love that, Chelsea Joy Handless.
• 1:35
  Speaker 6: That's beautiful. We did a good job.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: You're beautiful.
• 1:38
  Speaker 6: Thank you. Yeah, that's nice, Chelsea Joy.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: First of all, Da Vine is joining us on her
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: wedding day. She's in a beautiful white wedding dress and
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: she's on her way to get married and had time
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  Speaker 1: to squeeze in an episode of Dear Chelsea, thank.
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  Speaker 6: You, thank you for having me.
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  Speaker 7: Oh.
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  Speaker 2: I so, I'm so excited to meet you.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I met you when you won
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  Speaker 1: your Oscar a couple of years ago.
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  Speaker 6: I feel like, do you feel like during that time we.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Were at a party at around an awards season because
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I said something and you go Chelsea and like like
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: shut up, And I was like, how does this? You
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: like rolled your eyes but in a way in an
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  Speaker 1: affectionate way where you understood me right away, and I
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  Speaker 1: appreciated that. I want to before we talk about your
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  Speaker 1: current movie that we're going to discuss, I want to
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  Speaker 1: talk about that period of time in your life because
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  Speaker 1: you had such a powerful acceptance speech.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: When you won.
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  Speaker 1: You won more than an Oscar, didn't you win a
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  Speaker 1: couple of other awards as well?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: Okay, so you said some really powerful things. And one
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  Speaker 1: of the things that you said, do you ever go
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: back and watch Did you go back and watch that
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  Speaker 1: speech ever?
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  Speaker 2: Okay?
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  Speaker 1: One of the things that you said was that you
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: spent so much time trying to be something that you weren't,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: and only when you started or really became who you
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  Speaker 1: are did you start to get rewarded for that.
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  Speaker 7: Because I think in this industry or wherever right like
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  Speaker 7: you want to figure out how you can make yourself
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  Speaker 7: the most marketable or like, you know what I mean.
• 3:06
  Speaker 7: I think I was still in the process of the
• 3:08
  Speaker 7: becoming and figuring myself out. But I think where I'm
• 3:12
  Speaker 7: this stepped or where it took a longer process for
• 3:17
  Speaker 7: me to get to the thing, is that I was
• 3:19
  Speaker 7: trying to figure out my similarities in other establish things
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  Speaker 7: that was successful and try to find those things within
• 3:29
  Speaker 7: myself and not realizing it's just.
• 3:32
  Speaker 6: That work on this, this is the thing. Do you
• 3:35
  Speaker 6: know what I mean?
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  Speaker 7: Like, Oh, well, I guess I have this part of
• 3:39
  Speaker 7: this person that everyone loves and enjoys. Let me bring
• 3:43
  Speaker 7: that out or this aspect and then through that process.
• 3:47
  Speaker 7: And that's huge reason why I do like acting, because
• 3:50
  Speaker 7: you're at least for me. I always say, if I
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  Speaker 7: wasn't an actor, I'd be like a behavior of psychologist,
• 3:55
  Speaker 7: because I'm very fascinating to the how and the why
• 3:58
  Speaker 7: that people move and tick and do the things they do.
• 4:00
  Speaker 7: And what I like about acting is that it requires
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  Speaker 7: me to develop a skill set to not only examine
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  Speaker 7: other people, but I hope we're also examining ourselves. So
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  Speaker 7: in this process of this career, it took me some time,
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  Speaker 7: but that I finally landed on, Oh no, no, no,
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  Speaker 7: it's here, it's within you, and let those things shine
• 4:23
  Speaker 7: and the right people will align and attract to those things.
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  Speaker 1: And when you have that feeling about yourself right when
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: it clicks in that you want to be who you
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  Speaker 1: really are.
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  Speaker 2: Isn't it crazy?
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  Speaker 1: The way the universe starts drumming up all of like
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: the positivity in your life when you get on.
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  Speaker 7: Your own team, there's an ease, there's a fluidity, there's
• 4:48
  Speaker 7: an abundance and things just yeah, it just clicks in
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  Speaker 7: and you're like, gosh, why did.
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  Speaker 6: I And it's like the sooner it's.
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  Speaker 1: Like not resisting, No, you're because what you're talking about
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  Speaker 1: and I as women, we all have done this resisting
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: who you really are instead of embracing who you really are.
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  Speaker 7: Yeah, because I think in life, you know, like at
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  Speaker 7: least for me, growing up, you see these things and
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  Speaker 7: women that are older than you that you aspire to.
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  Speaker 7: I remember it used to be like my aunt and
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  Speaker 7: her jewelry and how it was just if it seems
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  Speaker 7: so feminised to love the bracelets she used to have, Right,
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  Speaker 7: so we lock these things of like, Okay, when I
• 5:24
  Speaker 7: grow up, I want that. When I grow up, I
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  Speaker 7: want to do that. And I think I was collecting
• 5:30
  Speaker 7: all of these things, which I think is beautiful of
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  Speaker 7: women in my life that I loved and in the
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  Speaker 7: process overlooking who I was becoming as a woman, and
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  Speaker 7: that I already had some of my own things well.
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  Speaker 4: And I do think when you're developing your creative voice.
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  Speaker 4: You're at first sort of seeing what you like and
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  Speaker 4: copying those things.
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  Speaker 3: But after a while, if you're successful at it, you
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: do get into your own voice. You find through what
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: you like, you find your own voice.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: He yeah, and it's also nice, it's powerful.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: We were just talking about essense, like the idea of
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  Speaker 1: ascending as a woman, the idea of you are growing
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  Speaker 1: into the woman that you're supposed to become.
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  Speaker 2: And i'd like to think of that.
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  Speaker 1: I had a friend at Glastonbury this year, of all places,
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  Speaker 1: where we were discussing this, like we're ascending, Like it's not.
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  Speaker 1: That's why I hate when people complain about their age.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: It's like, I don't get into it. No, out of ages,
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  Speaker 1: What do you mean with age?
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  Speaker 2: I just live you lean into it.
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  Speaker 6: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think women, especially now that we're all
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: kind of realizing how important it is to stick together
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: rather than to separate. That like you can help, Like
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  Speaker 1: what you're saying about your aunt's jewelry, Like I can
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  Speaker 1: totally relate to that as being a young child and
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  Speaker 1: looking to things that you want as part of your identity,
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  Speaker 1: you know, like when you grow up, and that is
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  Speaker 1: that's like part of our ascension. That's when our ascension starts,
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  Speaker 1: like when you're a little kid and you start to
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  Speaker 1: envision who you're going to be, you know, and then
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  Speaker 1: all of the things along the way that kind of
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: maybe bump you off track, and then getting back on
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  Speaker 1: the right, what do you think, like in terms of adversity,
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  Speaker 1: something that really shaped you in your younger years that
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  Speaker 1: helped totally.
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  Speaker 7: I didn't know what I wanted to be when I
• 7:10
  Speaker 7: grew up, and I was really grateful that my parents
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  Speaker 7: they knew I had a gift in performance, but they
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  Speaker 7: let me do any and all of it.
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  Speaker 6: Like I was like the after school kid.
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  Speaker 7: I did all the programs and stuff because I wasn't
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  Speaker 7: quite sure where I wanted to land.
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  Speaker 6: But I started off by way of singing.
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  Speaker 7: And I think growing up as a black woman, you
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  Speaker 7: there's certain things that you have to deal with, especially
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  Speaker 7: when you want your gifts to be displayed in public,
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  Speaker 7: like through performance that very quickly I understood, sometimes quicker
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  Speaker 7: than other kids did, the differences and how to celebrate them,
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  Speaker 7: own them, not shy away from it, and actually, like
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  Speaker 7: we were saying, lean in, and so it required me
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  Speaker 7: to have this kind of actually quiet but grounded confidence
• 8:08
  Speaker 7: and resilience at a very young age y'a like elementary
• 8:14
  Speaker 7: school because my mom my mom is an educator, and
• 8:18
  Speaker 7: so education was really important. I lived in the same
• 8:22
  Speaker 7: city all throughout well up unto high school. But nonetheless
• 8:26
  Speaker 7: I had an army brat kid mentality because I changed
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  Speaker 7: school so much. Until a graduate school, I had never
• 8:34
  Speaker 7: stayed at a school for more than two years because
• 8:37
  Speaker 7: it was never good enough for my mom, or in
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  Speaker 7: some weird ways, the school burned down or it stopped
• 8:42
  Speaker 7: at grade five or whatever. And so because education was important,
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  Speaker 7: I went to predominantly white private schools, and so some
• 8:52
  Speaker 7: of these school would require me to do testing to
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  Speaker 7: get in that they did not require other people to
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  Speaker 7: do later we found out, and so that kind of
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  Speaker 7: sense of like competition but also like celebrate.
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  Speaker 6: My mom celebrated it.
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  Speaker 7: I remember when I would do the testing, she would
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  Speaker 7: like pull me out of school to go test for
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  Speaker 7: this other school, and then she would like take me
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  Speaker 7: out to a really nice lunch, and she kind of
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  Speaker 7: like hid the fact. It wasn't until later that I
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  Speaker 7: realized why am I testing to get into this school?
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  Speaker 7: And sometimes it was like so you can get a
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  Speaker 7: scholarship because to be honest, we couldn't afford to go
• 9:26
  Speaker 7: to these private schools. But I think it was early
• 9:29
  Speaker 7: realizing like, not everyone in the world wants you, you
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  Speaker 7: know what I mean, and is as open and as inviting.
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  Speaker 7: And I learned that early. And so what my parents
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  Speaker 7: did that I'm really grateful for is they just kind
• 9:43
  Speaker 7: of they were like, look, this is the world and
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  Speaker 7: it is what it is.
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  Speaker 6: But we're not going to.
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  Speaker 7: Be victims or completely change, you know what I mean,
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  Speaker 7: or you bow your head in any way. You're gonna
• 9:56
  Speaker 7: be polite, you're gonna be a good person, you're gonna
• 9:58
  Speaker 7: treat people well, and you're also going to have a
• 10:00
  Speaker 7: confidence and annoying within yourself. And so that was early
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  Speaker 7: and I'm grateful for that because now with this is
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  Speaker 7: a career, like it's tough and you need that tough skin.
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  Speaker 7: I think sometimes when people comment on those kind of
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  Speaker 7: essences of what they see, I'm like, oh, well, I
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  Speaker 7: had to do this young. It's just now transition into
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  Speaker 7: a different platform, medium, whatever. Because you're you know, you're
• 10:26
  Speaker 7: out there on display and on your own.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you've yeah, well you've been through lots of
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  Speaker 1: schooling also you went to Oxford.
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  Speaker 2: You studied Oxford, you studied singing.
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  Speaker 7: And Shakespeare because I had got into Yale, and I realized, oh,
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  Speaker 7: I don't I don't know this at all because I
• 10:42
  Speaker 7: came into it. So I got into acting through being
• 10:45
  Speaker 7: rejected from singing. So I was a class I guess
• 10:48
  Speaker 7: I say it was, but I'm a classically trained opera singer.
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  Speaker 7: And so we were doing Aida, which is a very
• 10:56
  Speaker 7: intense story.
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  Speaker 2: Is that she related to Ivida.
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  Speaker 7: No no, no, she was like a slave. Well, she
• 11:04
  Speaker 7: was first a princess in Egypt, and then it gets
• 11:09
  Speaker 7: enslaved by this really hot guy. So she ends up
• 11:11
  Speaker 7: falling in love with and they have this interracial relationship,
• 11:15
  Speaker 7: which totally was not the thing at that time. They
• 11:18
  Speaker 7: get buried alive as they're singing this beautiful song like
• 11:21
  Speaker 7: it's epic, right. So I was not different time, different time,
• 11:27
  Speaker 7: not that I was into acting at all, but I
• 11:28
  Speaker 7: was like, I think I need to do a little
• 11:29
  Speaker 7: more than just like sing, and they were not into that,
• 11:32
  Speaker 7: and so I worked with an acting coach on it,
• 11:35
  Speaker 7: just so I could, you know, do my job well.
• 11:38
  Speaker 7: And they did not like it, and they ended up
• 11:40
  Speaker 7: flunking me out, and I was like okay, and it
• 11:45
  Speaker 7: was my mom, right, So adversity that was my junior
• 11:48
  Speaker 7: year and it was my mom that was like you
• 11:50
  Speaker 7: go across that street to the theater department, probably because
• 11:53
  Speaker 7: most of the credits transferred, but she was like, I
• 11:55
  Speaker 7: actually think you can do this as well, which at
• 11:59
  Speaker 7: that time, as a jor in college, you're thinking about,
• 12:03
  Speaker 7: you know what I mean, like, Okay, I'm about to
• 12:04
  Speaker 7: be on my own. I'm now a singer, like fly
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  Speaker 7: me to Milan, feed me pasta, and I'm about to
• 12:09
  Speaker 7: sing opera, you know what I mean? Like that was
• 12:11
  Speaker 7: so my entire world quickly changed, and so that was
• 12:17
  Speaker 7: definitely a moment of adversity. But like, yeah, so acting
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  Speaker 7: came way later, got into Yale, but that was an
• 12:25
  Speaker 7: area where I was like I'm not equipped for because
• 12:28
  Speaker 7: I didn't have that formal training. And so yes, that's
• 12:30
  Speaker 7: why I went to Oxford to study Shakespeare.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: Wow, how cool is that?
• 12:34
  Speaker 6: It was really cool?
• 12:35
  Speaker 7: Where they filmed the dining hall scenes for Harry Potter
• 12:39
  Speaker 7: was our like cafeteria.
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  Speaker 1: So what do you think about all the Shakespeare lore that,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: like Shakespeare did it really right? I know, what's your take?
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: On that because did you read that book? Did you
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: read Hamnet? Have you read that book? They haven't, but
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I'm really excited. So that's a lot about that too,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: about Shakespeare and I.
• 12:58
  Speaker 6: I mean, I don't know.
• 13:00
  Speaker 7: Maybe there's like super geniuses, but don't you feel the
• 13:03
  Speaker 7: same thing of like I don't have to be controversial,
• 13:05
  Speaker 7: but like da Vinci or Mcalangel, Like did you finally
• 13:08
  Speaker 7: do all of them? Like maybe you had a staff,
• 13:10
  Speaker 7: like a team of people like Tina writers that we
• 13:14
  Speaker 7: collectively but like, okay, I get it, he's the figurehead
• 13:17
  Speaker 7: of it all.
• 13:18
  Speaker 6: But I don't know. I mean, it's a lot of books.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: It's a lot to do. It's a lot to do.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: I know, I don't believe, like I when you hear
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: about erasure of art and history and all of that,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: it's just women and we got no credit for doing it.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: So I'm sure, definitely I believe all of it.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Now. At first, I'm like, that's such a big thing
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: to cover up. But then as you know, as you
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: learn more and more and you're like, oh, yeah, this
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: is all women, and then women wanted to give them
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: any fucking credit because.
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: Totally or even like two hundred years later they'll be like, yeah,
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: it was a man that did that, when it was
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: actually everyone already knew it was a woman that did that.
• 13:51
  Speaker 6: Whatever I want.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, well wait, I want to circle back though to you,
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: so you're winning your Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: The Leftovers, because I just want to revisit and ask
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: you what that time in your life now that it's
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: you've had time, Yeah, what does that time in your
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: life mean to you?
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: How did it feel? How do you look at it now?
• 14:09
  Speaker 7: Yeah, it was a lot. It was also because the
• 14:14
  Speaker 7: industry was at odds, meaning it was that award season
• 14:20
  Speaker 7: there was strikes, you know, I mean for writers, then
• 14:23
  Speaker 7: the actors. So timeline wise, now was when we so
• 14:31
  Speaker 7: the movie I'm promoting now and that movie are coming
• 14:35
  Speaker 7: out the same exact day. And so due to the strikes,
• 14:38
  Speaker 7: it wasn't until I think it was like November tenth
• 14:42
  Speaker 7: that we could even get involved. That was part of
• 14:44
  Speaker 7: the bylaws, like we could not promote or anything. And
• 14:47
  Speaker 7: so it was a very unique experience. And then once
• 14:50
  Speaker 7: the strike ended, it was just full steam ahead.
• 14:54
  Speaker 6: It's all a blur. I was like it was a marathon.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: It was those campaigns season or word season. I mean,
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: it does turn into a campaign. It's like, let's be honest.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, that's I mean, let's be honest.
• 15:06
  Speaker 7: And I say camp like right, So different people could
• 15:09
  Speaker 7: do any different things when you say campaign, but at the.
• 15:11
  Speaker 6: Very least you got to show up.
• 15:12
  Speaker 7: You got to show up to a lot of different
• 15:15
  Speaker 7: places in front of a lot of different people. And
• 15:18
  Speaker 7: I just try to just come from it from an
• 15:20
  Speaker 7: authentic place of like I'm just gonna speak about what
• 15:22
  Speaker 7: I love and what I love to do and why
• 15:25
  Speaker 7: I love this character, because that was the only way
• 15:27
  Speaker 7: I was going to be able to get through it,
• 15:29
  Speaker 7: because it's eight months, it's a very long time. It's
• 15:35
  Speaker 7: you do that's honestly. I did not because we're like,
• 15:39
  Speaker 7: oh my god, you cried. I said no, no, no, I
• 15:41
  Speaker 7: bawled because it was a release quite as it kept.
• 15:44
  Speaker 6: It's done, we're done. We did it from November to March.
• 15:50
  Speaker 7: I'm yeah, yeah, you know what I mean, Like I
• 15:56
  Speaker 7: had the best sleep that next day because you just like,
• 16:00
  Speaker 7: I'm so grateful, but we did it, and it's done.
• 16:03
  Speaker 8: Well.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: A lot of people win an Oscar and then they
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: end up leaving their partner did you do that?
• 16:08
  Speaker 6: No, is that a thing?
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's best actress curse, right's.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: The best actress or best support.
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: It's the best actress.
• 16:15
  Speaker 5: Okay?
• 16:16
  Speaker 6: Like how quick?
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: Like I mean within a.
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: Year and it happened to Hillary Swank, k Winslet like
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: a whole bunch of them.
• 16:23
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm trying to think why. Maybe because you are
• 16:28
  Speaker 7: you're not around, you're not home.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: You may but I just figured it was because their
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: husbands weren't carrying their weight.
• 16:35
  Speaker 7: You know.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: That's like I got my oscar. Now, you can get
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: the fuck out of here.
• 16:39
  Speaker 7: You you know what it makes me think of? You
• 16:40
  Speaker 7: know how like if you get a surgery or something done.
• 16:42
  Speaker 7: I've experienced this. You get a surgery or something you
• 16:45
  Speaker 7: come to and you're like, you know what, let me
• 16:47
  Speaker 7: do some inventory, do you know what I mean? Like,
• 16:50
  Speaker 7: maybe it was that right of like by doing something
• 16:54
  Speaker 7: else to be.
• 16:55
  Speaker 6: Like, actually you're not ship, so my eyes are now
• 17:00
  Speaker 6: that's interesting.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:03
  Speaker 7: To be really clear, I've always made a vow to
• 17:06
  Speaker 7: myself and maybe this is a very feminist thing to say.
• 17:10
  Speaker 7: I don't care if I'm in a relationship or not.
• 17:13
  Speaker 7: I don't ever want them on the red carpet with
• 17:14
  Speaker 7: me because it's not about you, respectfully, it's not slash
• 17:22
  Speaker 7: you know, as a woman, I don't want that to
• 17:24
  Speaker 7: then be the conversation.
• 17:26
  Speaker 6: It's all about what we're here for, my job and
• 17:29
  Speaker 6: what I did.
• 17:30
  Speaker 7: And I feel like women I don't think maybe some
• 17:33
  Speaker 7: men get this or within they're like, oh my god,
• 17:35
  Speaker 7: tell me about your partner. Do you want to have babies?
• 17:38
  Speaker 7: And it's like, let's do the job. And so for me,
• 17:41
  Speaker 7: I always made that a thing early that I was like,
• 17:45
  Speaker 7: I love that and that's like, you know, for me,
• 17:50
  Speaker 7: acting as the job. But all this stuff comes up
• 17:52
  Speaker 7: with it right and being in the public eye. But
• 17:56
  Speaker 7: that's something that I want to always keep for myself.
• 18:00
  Speaker 7: I don't ever want the industry to have that because
• 18:03
  Speaker 7: the reality is this, this is very hard to do.
• 18:05
  Speaker 7: You want to make sure that your support whatever that
• 18:08
  Speaker 7: looks like family, you know what I mean, your main partner,
• 18:12
  Speaker 7: that that's protected because you need that to be a
• 18:14
  Speaker 7: good saved space for you to you know what I mean,
• 18:17
  Speaker 7: have that sounding board with So.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Would you date an actor? Have you dated actors?
• 18:23
  Speaker 6: No? I've come close to dating them.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: It's kind of hard to actors, are I know it's
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: an eck, but you know they treat it like it's
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: a sport.
• 18:34
  Speaker 6: Oh, I gotta go work out because I.
• 18:36
  Speaker 7: Got this role right playing somebody works at the grocery store,
• 18:39
  Speaker 7: Like why are you now hitting the iron so hard?
• 18:42
  Speaker 7: They like treat it like it's the Olympics and it's
• 18:46
  Speaker 7: very fratty. It could be very fratty energy. That's icky
• 18:49
  Speaker 7: to me. I haven't yet met the actor guy that's like,
• 18:53
  Speaker 7: you know what I mean, because he's an actor. He's
• 18:55
  Speaker 7: like emotionally intelligent and it's like a little soft with
• 18:58
  Speaker 7: the mask.
• 18:59
  Speaker 6: The ones that are interested in me are like bros.
• 19:02
  Speaker 6: And it just makes me want to vomit.
• 19:05
  Speaker 7: But like, I also think people frown on and like
• 19:07
  Speaker 7: miss the opportunity of like crew.
• 19:11
  Speaker 6: That's yummy. Everyone has had a moment.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: Definitely when I'm suck with that guy right over there.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: I definitely totally because they're not there because.
• 19:28
  Speaker 7: Yes, and and they dress like they're tatted, They've got
• 19:33
  Speaker 7: excellent facial hair, they wear hats really well, and they're ripped,
• 19:38
  Speaker 7: but like just enough rip that it's like it's because
• 19:42
  Speaker 7: I lift heavy things on that.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not the glamour muscles it's just like strength.
• 19:46
  Speaker 7: And I think it's something really refreshing of they're so
• 19:48
  Speaker 7: regular that you're like, yum, yeah, that's a good one.
• 19:54
  Speaker 6: I like you like.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was looking at this guy the other day.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: I was filming something like three days ago with Kevin Heart.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: He's shooting this show and I came in to do
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: something on it and there was a crew guy and
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: I was like, that guy is fucking hot. And I
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: was miked and everyone heard me, including him, and that
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: was my intention. I was like, I just you know,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: I think you should know.
• 20:18
  Speaker 6: And they love it. They love it too, absolutely. Yeah.
• 20:22
  Speaker 7: I don't know. I don't I don't think I could
• 20:25
  Speaker 7: do an actor. And the director thing is weird to
• 20:29
  Speaker 7: me too. It feels like a dad thing. That freaks
• 20:33
  Speaker 7: me out a little bit, you know, because they think
• 20:35
  Speaker 7: like they're like over you in some way.
• 20:37
  Speaker 6: They're like a little bit smarter than you, so they're
• 20:39
  Speaker 6: running things. I don't do well with that. We're equals
• 20:42
  Speaker 6: cut out, you know what I mean.
• 20:44
  Speaker 7: Like, so I always think with the directors, it's like, eh,
• 20:46
  Speaker 7: it feels like a daddy thing. Like I'm dating this
• 20:48
  Speaker 7: older guy. He could be my same age, but just
• 20:51
  Speaker 7: how they carry them.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well women director probably wouldn't act like amazing,
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: No I've worked with female Have you worked with female
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: directors more?
• 20:58
  Speaker 6: Please? I mean, is it the way they get things done?
• 21:01
  Speaker 6: It's astonishing.
• 21:02
  Speaker 7: I literally just try to take notes and be like
• 21:05
  Speaker 7: pass it along to the next male director that I
• 21:07
  Speaker 7: work with, because you think they're reinventing everything is baffling.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: It's amazing how efficacious women are when like I just
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: made it. I just posted something on my Instagram the
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: other day talking about how men are. It's just so disappointing,
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: like just the most and it's not all men. We
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: have nice men here. Your husband is a nice man. Sure,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: I don't want everyone to think that I'm a man hater,
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: because everyone thinks that. But it really the comments that
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: came in on my video about why I'm not dating anyone,
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: the women were like and it's like every man just
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: needs to read all those comments, like women are opting
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: out of you know, not just actor men.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: We're talking about men as a whole, absolutely, absolutely, but.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: When you're talking about acting like you know, men who
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: take themselves too seriously, like that's gross, that's an eck.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: But there are so many other problems along with that,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: you know, and anyone who doesn't understand should go read
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: those comments on my Instagram from all the women, because
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: women were saying stuff and like I snapshoted some of
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: them and sent them to you, and I was just like,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: oh my god, we are so unified and how we
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: are feeling?
• 22:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 22:17
  Speaker 7: Yeah, absolutely, yeah, Like what is it called purple weddings?
• 22:20
  Speaker 7: Rainbow weddings where you like marry your gay best friends.
• 22:24
  Speaker 7: I understand it's best friend I do. Yeah, We've talked
• 22:29
  Speaker 7: about it several times. I'm like, do you want to
• 22:32
  Speaker 7: be just We were like no, let's just be besties.
• 22:37
  Speaker 7: But I can, I can process and understand why people
• 22:40
  Speaker 7: would do it. Yeah, some people just want to feel safe.
• 22:43
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, tax breaks and.
• 22:47
  Speaker 7: Let's keep in mind people were doing this for decades
• 22:50
  Speaker 7: all the time. But now, you know, we love to
• 22:52
  Speaker 7: label things in this day and age, But what if.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: People have been doing for decades like being.
• 22:59
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, right for you and so happy and like,
• 23:02
  Speaker 7: then you know, have the agreement. To me, I'm like,
• 23:04
  Speaker 7: it's no different from like an open relationship. You just
• 23:08
  Speaker 7: this is us.
• 23:09
  Speaker 6: And then I go.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: With someone else and this is me walking away from
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: us and at some point I love it.
• 23:18
  Speaker 9: Yeah.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's talk about your movie Eternity.
• 23:20
  Speaker 7: Yees.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Okay, So this is a great premise for a movie.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: We like this because how can we talk about it
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: without giving away the plot? We can talk about it, right,
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: because I don't want to give anything away.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: So the choice is basically, if you had the choice,
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: it's two men. If you had the choice to how
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: do I use.
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: Choose between She's choosing between her husband that she had
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: for a couple of years, who she was very in
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: love with, and who's very hot.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: It's a plot point. He's very hot.
• 23:49
  Speaker 6: Yeah, please, for the sake of this press tour, please say.
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: That both of them are hot on every man, you know,
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: it's like one's crew is hotter.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: That's true.
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: But and then he dies, and she's choosing between him
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: and the husband that she was with for decades that
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: she felt to life with you. It's sort of like.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: So she gets the option.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: So you're you're suspending disbelief because this is afterlife. You're
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: you're you get the option to either meet your first
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: husband that died and get back together with him, and
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: all the possibilities of whatever happened, or you get to
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: stay with the husband that you have now, who you
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: do have.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: Those memories with and you have created a life.
• 24:31
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it's a valid question.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it makes you really think about all of your exes, like,
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: and if there's anyone you would ever feel like, I
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: understand someone dying and being ripped out of your life,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: you would always question that, right, you would always as
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: a woman, what if what if he was alive?
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: What if what?
• 24:49
  Speaker 6: What?
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: What would our life have been like?
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: But it's harder to think about in the framework of
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: a breakup because that's it's over, because it's broken.
• 24:57
  Speaker 7: Yeah, So are you the type that like when it's done,
• 25:00
  Speaker 7: like when they're your ex?
• 25:01
  Speaker 6: Are they your ex? Or do you can you like
• 25:03
  Speaker 6: still like chit chat?
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: And I don't typically talk to my exes until about
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: ten years after our relationship ends, and that's usually when
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: they'll resurface and then it's nice, Yeah, because there's nothing
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: left there.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no one cares. I don't think.
• 25:19
  Speaker 6: People realize that.
• 25:20
  Speaker 7: I don't want to make a generalization about women, but
• 25:23
  Speaker 7: when we are done, we're done, it's gone. And I
• 25:28
  Speaker 7: don't think guys realize I don't think they really get that,
• 25:31
  Speaker 7: and they're confused. Like I think they say scientifically to
• 25:34
  Speaker 7: like women process. How women process a breakup and how
• 25:38
  Speaker 7: a man does literally is in reverse order, which is
• 25:41
  Speaker 7: like makes sense. So what is it We go through
• 25:45
  Speaker 7: all the big feelings first, like we basically go through
• 25:48
  Speaker 7: it in a healthy way and in order, and we
• 25:51
  Speaker 7: get to that point when then we're like at peace
• 25:54
  Speaker 7: with it.
• 25:55
  Speaker 6: They're in denial.
• 25:57
  Speaker 7: They'll go out party, you know what I mean, smash
• 25:59
  Speaker 7: other people, whatever, whatever, And right at the point when
• 26:03
  Speaker 7: we are like I'm at peace, they're now processing it and.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: That's when the.
• 26:10
  Speaker 7: Yeah, it's so weird or like you know, there's that
• 26:14
  Speaker 7: weird phenomena. Like I don't like to say that men
• 26:15
  Speaker 7: are dumb, but I will say one thing that they
• 26:17
  Speaker 7: do have that's fascinating. You realize, like when something's going
• 26:22
  Speaker 7: on in your life or like that next partner you had,
• 26:25
  Speaker 7: or that moment where you're like life is good, they
• 26:30
  Speaker 7: call or text you out of it's spooky and you're like, what,
• 26:35
  Speaker 7: like kinetic thing made?
• 26:38
  Speaker 6: It happens every and it's a different person.
• 26:40
  Speaker 7: It's not like oh that one guy that he's just no,
• 26:43
  Speaker 7: they'll just send the text and you're like, jump, scare them, Yeah,
• 26:49
  Speaker 7: stay strong, Yeah, to block them.
• 26:52
  Speaker 6: I'm strong in a block. I'm strong in a block.
• 26:54
  Speaker 6: Don't play with me.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: I'm stronger than a block. Yeah, I don't need a block. Yeah,
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not gonna call you, so it doesn't matter,
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't need a block.
• 27:02
  Speaker 5: Like.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: I trust myself now. I do now.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: When I was young and a drucker, like i'd get
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: drunk and call it, you know, booty coffee.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: But that was all so humiliating.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: But I'm so glad that that's not even an option,
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean anymore. I don't have to
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: be worried about how I'm gonna act if I have
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: a couple drunks.
• 27:17
  Speaker 7: I know.
• 27:17
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it's when we're done.
• 27:19
  Speaker 7: We're done because in my mind it's like, at least me,
• 27:23
  Speaker 7: I've flushed out every possible option, and I've tried my
• 27:27
  Speaker 7: hardest to make this work. What are we now doing
• 27:31
  Speaker 7: it now? It's like, so then, what was all of
• 27:33
  Speaker 7: that for? Do you know what I mean? To think
• 27:35
  Speaker 7: we could just be casual again?
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: No? How what's your longest relationship?
• 27:40
  Speaker 6: My longest one now, I think is five years Wow,
• 27:45
  Speaker 6: that's a long time, I know, especially for an actor.
• 27:47
  Speaker 7: Right, Yeah, so that's long before it was like two
• 27:50
  Speaker 7: years was my mark.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like, okay, I can't even make it
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: past ten months.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: That's usually my mark. A ten months is usually when
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, that's good bye.
• 27:59
  Speaker 6: And is it that they end up doing something the
• 28:01
  Speaker 6: X if.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: Once I there's a there's a couple of X and
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: then when I hit like three X, I I can't.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: I can't look at you. I'm disgusting.
• 28:10
  Speaker 7: It's probably healthier actually, because you're getting you're going through
• 28:13
  Speaker 7: the process quicker to staying too long.
• 28:15
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: And also it's not a revulsion.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: I don't want to sound so harsh, but it's there's
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: just nothing, there's no negotiation and yet and it's so
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: final when it's final, like it's almost like you can
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: when you're taking Like some people say I'm easy, easy
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: to take advantage of, Like the people who work for
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: me would say that about me, that I'm because I'm
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: always like sure, take it like that person's not out to,
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: you know, for anything bad. And people are like, you're
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: so nive for somebody who comes across as very you know,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: in control of my own world. But you can push me,
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: but then there's a stop. So that's what I've learned
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: about myself. It's the same with men, you know what
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: I mean. You can push me a little, but don't
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: push me too hard.
• 28:55
  Speaker 6: Yeah, and you clock it all the way.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't know.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I think as women, you don't, you know, we realize.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I think as we get older. You're thirty nine. You're
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: okay with me saying that, really? Yeah, yeah, you should
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: be right.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: You're thirty nine.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: We were just talking about aging and how you know,
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: coming into you know, now I trust my guts so
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: much more than I used to. I don't question things.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: I know what I might think about it. You know,
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: if I'm on the fence about something, really think about
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: what does your judgment tell you?
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Because this is what got you this far.
• 29:22
  Speaker 7: So it's one of my favorite things of being a woman,
• 29:25
  Speaker 7: the universe giving us the gift of women's intuition.
• 29:28
  Speaker 6: Oh God, I love it so much.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: And some women don't know to listen to that intuition.
• 29:32
  Speaker 6: And that breaks my heart.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: Blocket. We're going to deal with that today with our callers.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: By the way, We're gonna take callers and we're going
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: to give advice, and it's gonna be a lot about
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: women's intuition because because you do, like, what would you
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: say to anyone listening about knowing what how to listen
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: to your intuition?
• 29:48
  Speaker 7: I don't know, because to me, it's just a loud voice,
• 29:50
  Speaker 7: and I guess I never thought that in some people
• 29:53
  Speaker 7: that voice would be quieter, right, you know what I mean?
• 29:58
  Speaker 6: To me, it's just so it's what I don't no.
• 30:00
  Speaker 7: Maybe it's in layman's terms that jimminy cricket, right, that
• 30:04
  Speaker 7: thing that's like ah or yup, go for it whatever. Right,
• 30:08
  Speaker 7: It's not always negative too, and I think people don't
• 30:11
  Speaker 7: realize that. It's sometimes it's just that little Yeah, it's
• 30:15
  Speaker 7: that little you that's the truth, the truest of you.
• 30:18
  Speaker 7: And it's sometimes it's telling you a piece of it,
• 30:23
  Speaker 7: like right, it's not sometimes telling you this is the
• 30:25
  Speaker 7: game plan of exactly how to do everything would be
• 30:27
  Speaker 7: completely different people that was the case. But it's it's
• 30:31
  Speaker 7: a nugget, a significant nugget that sometimes right initiates that
• 30:36
  Speaker 7: trigger or that red flag right of like just clock
• 30:40
  Speaker 7: that watch that be observing of that. It can be
• 30:44
  Speaker 7: just that one is women's intuition, and then sometimes it
• 30:47
  Speaker 7: could be a little more witchy, if you will, And
• 30:49
  Speaker 7: it's like, right, if something happens, you're like, hey, uh,
• 30:56
  Speaker 7: I know you said you're gonna go on that date
• 30:57
  Speaker 7: with that guy.
• 30:59
  Speaker 6: I don't know, girl, you know what I mean?
• 31:01
  Speaker 7: And then they go, something happens and you're like, I
• 31:05
  Speaker 7: relay the information.
• 31:06
  Speaker 6: Uh huh. I don't know what to tell you.
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: But I do think it's something. It sounds like.
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: You are someone who's been in communication with that still
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: small voice for a long time. I do think that
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: if a woman is just starting to learn to listen
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: to it, especially after having made some mistakes, like the
• 31:22
  Speaker 4: more you listen, the stronger it becomes, and the more
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: you follow it, the more in touch with it you
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: can become.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: I think for people who don't have that gut, you know,
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: when people like that, it is a matter of actually
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: sitting with yourself and like literally getting into meditation and
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: literally just trying to understand who you are when it's
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: quiet and like sitting with your body.
• 31:44
  Speaker 7: Now that's a key point, right, So then I think
• 31:47
  Speaker 7: essentially that might be that people are running, running from
• 31:50
  Speaker 7: themselves and making themselves busy enough distractions, that's right, right,
• 31:55
  Speaker 7: so they don't have that time to sit with themselves.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: On that note, we're going to take a break and
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: we'll be right back. And we're back.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: We're back.
• 32:11
  Speaker 6: I didn't even grab from.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: She's like, what, we're back.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: We're back to Davine Joy Randolph if not to be
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: confused with Chelsea Joy Hammler.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of do you feel I take it.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: I take my.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Middle name very seriously as a provider of joy.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: Do you feel that way about the name Joy?
• 32:29
  Speaker 6: Yeah?
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: Good, I love that.
• 32:31
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 32:32
  Speaker 7: Is it actually your middle name, because some people that
• 32:34
  Speaker 7: have Joy have a two name first name.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: No, it's my middle name Joy.
• 32:39
  Speaker 6: Yeah. Yeah, but it sounds so beautiful together.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: I didn't really appreciate my middle name until I go
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: way with Chelsea.
• 32:47
  Speaker 6: It is really nice.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right about that.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: I'm going to just change my name to Chelsea Joy
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: after I marry myself.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: I don't hate that.
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: That's got.
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: Well, here's a woman who is beginning to learn to
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: listen to her intuition.
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: Kay says dear Chelsea.
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: I want to start by saying thank you for giving
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: me the confidence to find my voice Your podcast has
• 33:08
  Speaker 4: been the nudge I didn't know I needed to start
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: reclaiming my life and made me realize I'm not crazy
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: for wanting more. At twenty two, I fell in love
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: with a man thirty years older who promised me the
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: world I had dropped out of college. I moved to
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: California and built my life around him. Now, at thirty one,
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: I've realized this is not my person, and at his
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: ripe age of sixty one, he's not changing into the
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: man I need or want. Looking back, I can see
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: how much the age gap shaped our relationship. The power
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: dynamic was never balanced. He always had more control financially, emotionally,
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: even in how I saw myself, and it's taken me
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: years to recognize that. Over the past few years, I've
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: started quietly rebuilding myself. I got my mental health in order,
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: I started taking happy pills and just landed a full
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: time accounting job that I love. I finally feel ready
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: to leave, but our lease isn't up till May, and
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: I want to hold out until then so can save
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: enough to move out move out on solid footing. The
• 34:03
  Speaker 4: hard part is surviving the in between. He spends part
• 34:06
  Speaker 4: of his time away for work, but when he's here
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: it's emotionally draining. I have to mentally remind myself to
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: respond when he talks. Our sex life is non existent,
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: and after a long day at work, he's the last
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: person I want to see.
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: It feels like I'm.
• 34:22
  Speaker 4: Living with the ghost of a relationship that in my
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: head I've already left. I guess my question is how
• 34:28
  Speaker 4: do I protect my peace and stay sane until I
• 34:31
  Speaker 4: can leave. I feel like I'm just trying to play
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: nice to make it to May, which at this point
• 34:36
  Speaker 4: is like seven months away. You've helped me believe that
• 34:39
  Speaker 4: I can start over and actually be excited about it.
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: Ps Is it bad to keep the engagement ring and
• 34:43
  Speaker 4: sell it?
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 34:46
  Speaker 6: Wow, there's so much.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: That's a lot going on, A favorite favorite life.
• 34:50
  Speaker 6: I'm gonna ask you girl, nor get oh yeah all
• 34:54
  Speaker 6: the time.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: That is one of my favorite lines from a letter. Ever.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: I have to remind myself to when he talks, she's gone,
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the world.
• 35:04
  Speaker 6: Remember when you're done.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: You're done, but not seven months staying there.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: No, she got it. She has to get out of there.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: Why did she say? Is it a financial She gets well,
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: but she's got a new job. She wants to save
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: up a little bit.
• 35:18
  Speaker 7: I would say, get out, where's the Yeah, if she
• 35:22
  Speaker 7: has somebody like parents or could she still yeah, kind
• 35:26
  Speaker 7: of roommate, stay with.
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: A friend, or find some cheap airbnb, whatever you could afford.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: But I honestly, the energy suck that you're talking about
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: is going to have that's seven months. That's not seven weeks.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: That's going to have a negative impact on your.
• 35:39
  Speaker 7: And they're already there. So I always say, don't let
• 35:45
  Speaker 7: money control you. If money is the thing, you'll figure
• 35:47
  Speaker 7: it out. And if anything, maybe it needs to be
• 35:50
  Speaker 7: a little tough, humbling in those seven months, because that's
• 35:53
  Speaker 7: part of the rebuilding. Sometimes when you have rock hit,
• 35:57
  Speaker 7: rock bottom is where you get the most work done.
• 35:59
  Speaker 7: But sometimes we can't always be in cushy, comfortable I
• 36:02
  Speaker 7: mean it doesn't sound all that comfortable, but do.
• 36:04
  Speaker 6: You know what I mean?
• 36:05
  Speaker 7: Like, Yeah, it's nice that you're in whatever this house
• 36:08
  Speaker 7: or places, but like what that house and home represents
• 36:12
  Speaker 7: is not what you want.
• 36:13
  Speaker 6: Go somewhere else and begin rebuilding.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because your mental health is more important than I'm.
• 36:19
  Speaker 4: She's working on it, but it sounds like she is
• 36:21
  Speaker 4: actually at the point where she's ready. Like if she
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: was like I'm just starting to think about leaving, that'd
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: be a different story.
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: But she's mentally gone, like she's checked out.
• 36:29
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I personally just wouldn't let waiting for the least
• 36:33
  Speaker 7: to end to be the thing because also, you could
• 36:36
  Speaker 7: be on a payment plan and say, hey, take me
• 36:38
  Speaker 7: off the lease, I'll pay the rest of the least
• 36:40
  Speaker 7: my half of whatever.
• 36:41
  Speaker 6: I don't know, but don't.
• 36:43
  Speaker 7: I would never let money be a reason to keep
• 36:46
  Speaker 7: me in a bad situation, especially.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: When the future is so bright like everything.
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: Thirty one?
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, good for you for making a decision.
• 36:57
  Speaker 7: Also, yeah, I also have to say she is actually
• 36:59
  Speaker 7: quite mature for being thirty one, and she shouldn't a
• 37:02
  Speaker 7: sixty year old exactly, And she shouldn't beat herself up
• 37:05
  Speaker 7: because she met him at a young age and she's
• 37:09
  Speaker 7: grown up in that process.
• 37:11
  Speaker 6: So I wouldn't beat herself up. But now she's known,
• 37:15
  Speaker 6: well she knows.
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yep, So keep listening, keep listening to her.
• 37:20
  Speaker 7: Hold on that last line a solution for her? Can
• 37:24
  Speaker 7: I curse ye? Sell the fucking engagement ring and get
• 37:28
  Speaker 7: that to get out one.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sell the engagement ring.
• 37:33
  Speaker 6: The engagement ring shouldn't get a down payment on the part.
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, excellent, we just solved it.
• 37:40
  Speaker 6: Get out.
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: Problem solved. Look, problem solved.
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: Problem.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: What's that We're on a roll already.
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: All right, here we go. So Sharyah is going to
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: be joining us here.
• 37:53
  Speaker 6: We can actually put on our Can they see us? Yeah?
• 37:56
  Speaker 6: Because I have a very expressive face.
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: Okay, great question.
• 38:03
  Speaker 4: All right, so Shariah says, Hi, Chelsea. I'm twenty seven now,
• 38:07
  Speaker 4: but when I was twenty three, I got divorced.
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: Thank god, I got over that.
• 38:11
  Speaker 4: While I was young, I found that I was solely
• 38:14
  Speaker 4: relying on my then husband to provide financially. I was
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: working a shitty job and had some college experience but
• 38:19
  Speaker 4: no degree. After we split, I felt like I woke
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: up and thought, what the fuck am I doing? This
• 38:24
  Speaker 4: is like the after of the question we've just read.
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: I promise myself to never be reliant on a man
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: ever again. I worked extremely hard to be where I
• 38:31
  Speaker 4: am now by completing my bachelor's degree and got a
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: job to help me get situated again. However, I am
• 38:37
  Speaker 4: now a legal assistant, which I find to be a
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: sole sucking job. I really only got a degree because
• 38:43
  Speaker 4: most relatively good paying jobs require a degree in anything.
• 38:46
  Speaker 4: As I'm sitting at my work desk now, I'm typing
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: this and thinking about how I can incorporate my love
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: of being active and outdoors into my career. But it
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: seems almost impossible, and I don't even know where to begin.
• 38:57
  Speaker 4: Or if a job like this exists, do I continue
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: being miserable at my jobs and then go hard on
• 39:02
  Speaker 4: my time off or somehow incorporate my passion for being
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: outside and not stuck in a corporate office into a career.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Shariah, definitely, Hi Shariah. Hi, Hey, thanks for
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: your letter. This is our special guest today, davevine Joy. Okay, so, yeah,
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: you got to get out of that job. That's not
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: gonna that's not gonna fulfill you. You you, I don't
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: know what you're gonna do, but you're gonna figure it out.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: Right. We're not doing that anymore.
• 39:32
  Speaker 7: Yeah, And in this and then this day and age,
• 39:34
  Speaker 7: like with social media and stuff like that, like just
• 39:36
  Speaker 7: start doing it and it may be like, Look, if
• 39:39
  Speaker 7: that ends up being your hustle job and that's how
• 39:41
  Speaker 7: you make your money, make sure you do just enough
• 39:43
  Speaker 7: hours to pay the bills, so like, right on the
• 39:46
  Speaker 7: realistic side of things, you're taking care of that, but
• 39:49
  Speaker 7: invest your creativity and the thing that you love.
• 39:52
  Speaker 6: Yeah, you know.
• 39:53
  Speaker 5: My question is too, you know, in a world where
• 39:56
  Speaker 5: you can do just about anything or like, you know,
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: how do you even start to find out what you
• 40:02
  Speaker 5: want to do or what you want to make your career?
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: Well, let me ask you this, are you currently located
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: in the.
• 40:10
  Speaker 4: Type of geography that's the type of outdoors you like?
• 40:14
  Speaker 6: Like, oh, that's a good point.
• 40:15
  Speaker 4: You know, area doesn't person.
• 40:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I guess I'm happy where I'm at. But that's
• 40:21
  Speaker 5: another thing too, is like I don't have I don't
• 40:23
  Speaker 5: have kids, I'm not married, I don't have anything holding
• 40:26
  Speaker 5: me anywhere. So it's like beautiful, kind of overwhelming that
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: I have all these things that I can do. So
• 40:31
  Speaker 5: it's just like where do I even start.
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: Well, first of all, google outdoor jobs.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: And then start making a list of things that seem
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: fucking appealing. Let's start at the very beginning, like, go
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: on anthropic, that's the new one. I'm using Anthropic instead
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: of chat ept to delete chat ept because those.
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: Guys are monsters. Okay, Anthropic actually wants to regulate they
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: care about they care about AI.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: They're actually responsible one of these tech companies that is
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: using really responsible and it's not as quick as chat Gypt,
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: but it's improving all the time and it's and it's
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: going to get there. So first of all, go on
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: download Anthropic, go on there and ask them outdoor jobs,
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: use use AI to figure out how to curate the
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: skill sets you have and you're the experience that you've
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: had in the business world.
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: What kind of degree do you have, like a business
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: degree or.
• 41:17
  Speaker 5: A business degree in general?
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Girl, that's good, Yes, I listen, we are This is
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: all great news. If you're married, you have no children,
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: you're young, and you know you're unhappy in your job,
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: we're gonna you're gonna change all that. You have your
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: full life ahead if it's a good thing. So this
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: is a very exciting time.
• 41:35
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think Davine was right, like start with you've
• 41:39
  Speaker 4: got your job, and start going hard on the weekends
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: and ahead.
• 41:43
  Speaker 7: So if you could do it remote right, because I
• 41:45
  Speaker 7: feel like since the pandemic there's still a lot of
• 41:49
  Speaker 7: remote jobs so that you can still keep that going.
• 41:52
  Speaker 7: And like you were saying, be in a location or
• 41:55
  Speaker 7: at least balance your time that so that you check
• 41:59
  Speaker 7: in the hours and do you gotta do for that one,
• 42:01
  Speaker 7: but that you have more free time and the ability
• 42:04
  Speaker 7: to travel wherever you need to go to tap into that.
• 42:07
  Speaker 7: And I think it's going to be about developing communities too, right,
• 42:11
  Speaker 7: So being around other people like minded that you're going.
• 42:13
  Speaker 6: To start to figure out where your niches.
• 42:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and if you're finding that, like just spending going
• 42:20
  Speaker 4: hard on the weekends isn't enough, Like my brother and
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: his wife, they sort of did that. They got jobs
• 42:26
  Speaker 4: where they could work about four days a week and
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: then they would go They live in the Pacific Northwest,
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: so they just like go camping every single weekend and
• 42:32
  Speaker 4: see waterfalls and beaches and whatever else. But then that
• 42:35
  Speaker 4: wasn't enough for his wife, and she just went and
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: spent a few years extra in school and now she's
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: an arborist and that's her new job. And she took
• 42:44
  Speaker 4: a treat climbing class that was part of her coursework. Like,
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: there are these jobs out there, but as you start exploring,
• 42:50
  Speaker 4: you're gonna find out more about them as you want to.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: And your business degree is going to come in hand
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: because maybe you're going to start your own business. You know,
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: what are you what are you into outdoors wise? Like
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: what are your passions?
• 43:02
  Speaker 5: I mean like I like to hike, I like to
• 43:03
  Speaker 5: trail run and camp all those things. I like to ski,
• 43:07
  Speaker 5: and like if I could be a ski bomb for
• 43:09
  Speaker 5: the rest of my.
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: Life, I would love to, but have jobs.
• 43:13
  Speaker 5: But also you know, I would eventually like to maybe
• 43:16
  Speaker 5: buy a house or so.
• 43:18
  Speaker 6: Then this is the business part of it all.
• 43:20
  Speaker 7: So you either need to have a company where you're
• 43:23
  Speaker 7: doing hiking tours or you're aligning.
• 43:27
  Speaker 6: What you could do is let's put some luxury on this.
• 43:30
  Speaker 7: Reach out to like top five star hotels when you
• 43:34
  Speaker 7: said with skiing, like hit up the Aspen Network stuff
• 43:37
  Speaker 7: like that where you can have your own kind of service,
• 43:40
  Speaker 7: whether you're giving tour guys or ski tours or whatever.
• 43:43
  Speaker 7: But as the business where you get to on their
• 43:45
  Speaker 7: dime experience the things you love, have something where you're
• 43:49
  Speaker 7: teaching them and then you're staying at these amazing do
• 43:52
  Speaker 7: you know what I mean hotels and locations. I think
• 43:55
  Speaker 7: right now is this day and age of what are
• 43:57
  Speaker 7: you an expert in expert?
• 43:59
  Speaker 6: It's just passion? What are you passionate?
• 44:01
  Speaker 7: And you can literally sell it as a commodity now
• 44:04
  Speaker 7: and you can do it in amazing and beautiful places.
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: It's like an outdoor adventure guide. Like start with that classing.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: And just and then you're gonna like put that down,
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Put that into something, type
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: that into something and see.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: What comes up where all the options are.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Like maybe it's a VIP service you offer people, you know,
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: like when I go on vacation in places, I always
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: have like a concierge service, right, and then they'll set
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: up my activities, you know, they set up like and
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: this is all related to business, you know what I mean,
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: Like you can make anything into a business now, but
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: like something like that where you're basically planning people's activities
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: and whether that's outdoor stuff only or whether it's like
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: vacation stuff or you focus on on skiing.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: Like do you live in a mountaintown yet.
• 44:51
  Speaker 5: I have before I lived in Salt Lake City, but
• 44:54
  Speaker 5: I live in Spokane.
• 44:55
  Speaker 6: Now that's super outdoors Washington.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's I mean everybody in Seattle in
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: that area loves outdoor stuff, so you're you're in a
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: good place to do that. So you just need to
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: start networking a get a sense of like ideas and
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: just you don't have to figure this out you know
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: today obviously, but you're gonna start thinking about it. And
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: when you start thinking about it and putting your energy
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: towards that, more things are gonna come your way, and
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: you're gonna meet more people, and who knows, maybe you're
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: gonna meet someone and you're gonna start a business with
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: another person.
• 45:28
  Speaker 8: You know.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: But I would get very active in like all of
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: the stuff that you like to do, get active in
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: the groups around that.
• 45:34
  Speaker 6: Do that.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: You can start a hiking group.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: You can start a hiking community for women you know
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: between this age and this age, who are looking for
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: community or for women only or whatever you're.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: Interested in, you know what I mean.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: You can start that with like three or four girls
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: of your friends and then expand it and then you know,
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: kind of think about which different directions you can take
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: from there. But but you're at the perfect time in
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: your life, so take it seriously, and don't you.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: Cannot be in a job that's unlfilling.
• 46:00
  Speaker 4: Okay, And you I think, just to kind of keep
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: this energy going. I'm sure you have a book you
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: can recommend as well, but go get yourself. A copy
• 46:07
  Speaker 4: of You Are a Badass by Jensen Cero read. I'm
• 46:11
  Speaker 4: talking like a couple pages a day, and this is
• 46:13
  Speaker 4: going to help keep your energy up, keep you thinking
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: of good ideas, and really like shift your energy because
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: it's I still feel like there's a little well I'm drumminess,
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: you know, and this.
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: Is I mean, she's just called. I mean, yeah, she's
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: gonna still have them.
• 46:32
  Speaker 5: I mean, I still do have to go back to work.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: You can have to do that for a little bit,
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: but you can't. But yeah, and it's going to be
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: infused with this energy now because now you're going to
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: be thinking about how you're going to make your way.
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: Is the remote option of possibility for your job to
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: work remotely?
• 46:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, and if I kind of just started so
• 46:52
  Speaker 5: in a few in a few weeks.
• 46:54
  Speaker 6: Months, oh yeah, lean into the Yeah. Yeah.
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: Okay, Well it's great you have the conversation and it's
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: going to ignite more conversations.
• 47:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: So, and she us posted will you let us know
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: when you make your move and what you do.
• 47:08
  Speaker 5: Absolutely, okay, thank you, bye bye.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: Be an outdoor hiking guide.
• 47:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think luxury VIP those are yeah, well.
• 47:17
  Speaker 7: That's my jam hiking nowhere?
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 47:21
  Speaker 7: Is it as been four seasons? Are we talking about
• 47:24
  Speaker 7: a real good time?
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I need a guide with me for whatever I do,
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: because I can't be trusted to find my way back.
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: Then what I mean, Well, let's take a quick break
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: and we'll be back with one last collar to wrap up.
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, We're gonna take a quick break and we're back.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: We're back, so quickest bake in town. I can't speak
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: either now, quickest bake in town.
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: Wickets Blake, Christopher wrote in his subject line is he
• 47:51
  Speaker 4: shut down and canceled our trip? So, Christopher says, Dear Chelsea,
• 47:56
  Speaker 4: I've been with my boyfriend for about three months. Things
• 47:58
  Speaker 4: moved quickly between us, but we both felt it had
• 48:01
  Speaker 4: real long term potential.
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: We had a few bumps.
• 48:03
  Speaker 4: He's very type A and I'm much more easygoing, but
• 48:06
  Speaker 4: we've always managed to talk things through. Recently, we took
• 48:09
  Speaker 4: a short practice trip before he planned a two week
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: vacation in Europe. During a sunset cruise, he got upset
• 48:15
  Speaker 4: with me over something small and completely shut down to
• 48:17
  Speaker 4: the point where he acted like I didn't exist. It
• 48:20
  Speaker 4: was really painful, and we eventually moved past. It fast
• 48:24
  Speaker 4: forward to now. I planned almost the entire Europe trip,
• 48:27
  Speaker 4: making sure it was romantic and thoughtful. A few days
• 48:29
  Speaker 4: before we were supposed to leave, I mentioned I was
• 48:31
  Speaker 4: playing tennis after work with a coworker. When I got home,
• 48:34
  Speaker 4: he refused to speak with me, and after a day
• 48:37
  Speaker 4: of silence, he told me my location didn't show at
• 48:40
  Speaker 4: the tennis courts. Even though it did, he wouldn't hear
• 48:43
  Speaker 4: me out. He shut down again and ultimately decided not
• 48:46
  Speaker 4: to go on the trip. I'm heartbroken and confused. I
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: care deeply about him, but I don't know how to
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: move forward with someone who doesn't trust me and can't
• 48:52
  Speaker 4: communicate like an adult.
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: What should I do? Christopher?
• 48:56
  Speaker 4: And I think, Christopher, you just got back from the
• 48:58
  Speaker 4: trip by yourself, right, I.
• 49:00
  Speaker 8: Went to Amsterdam. I changed the whole trip and did
• 49:05
  Speaker 8: a solo trip to Amsterdam.
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: Oh honey, that's really did you get down? Did you
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: get any action on that trip to Amsterdam? He can't
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: say that publicly, Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 49:18
  Speaker 6: Yeah, oh yeah.
• 49:19
  Speaker 8: A little update on that is so I went and
• 49:22
  Speaker 8: I shut my location off because I didn't tell him
• 49:24
  Speaker 8: that I was going to Amsterdam.
• 49:26
  Speaker 7: And I'm because he's really into the locations.
• 49:31
  Speaker 8: And I may grind there.
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: So ye, okay, so have you broken up with this
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: boyfriend yet?
• 49:40
  Speaker 8: We are on break. We are supposed to talk this
• 49:43
  Speaker 8: weekend about next steps, but I'm kind of hearing from
• 49:48
  Speaker 8: my friends as well that I should run and they
• 49:51
  Speaker 8: always wanted to tell me that.
• 49:53
  Speaker 6: They thought it was from jump.
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: How long has it been? How long?
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: Three months?
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: Three months? Yeah?
• 49:58
  Speaker 6: Yeah, this is this is around that time to gather.
• 50:00
  Speaker 8: Three months but like seeing each other about five to
• 50:05
  Speaker 8: six kind of dating and then.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: Just get away from him. Get away from him.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: You can't be with someone who can't communicate and that
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: shuts down like that. He needs to go to therapy
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: and until he goes to therapy, you have nothing.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: To do with him.
• 50:19
  Speaker 6: Period. Yeah.
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: Sorry, it's like, listen, it's not three years. Be happy,
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: it's only been three months.
• 50:24
  Speaker 7: And I will say that you got the sign quickly
• 50:28
  Speaker 7: and it's hard. Yeah, but you they showed you and
• 50:31
  Speaker 7: it doesn't mean that people can't change. But you saw
• 50:33
  Speaker 7: what you need to see early. So at this point, right,
• 50:37
  Speaker 7: you can stay in it if you want to, but
• 50:39
  Speaker 7: you know what you're signing up for. Do you know
• 50:41
  Speaker 7: what I mean. So it's kind of like.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: Rinder is what you're signing up for basically.
• 50:48
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I think it's on me too. I think what
• 50:50
  Speaker 8: I need to work on is I become kind of
• 50:52
  Speaker 8: a U hauler a lot, and I really you hauled
• 50:56
  Speaker 8: this one to where I'm like, was ready to move
• 50:59
  Speaker 8: in and I realized, what if I move in and
• 51:03
  Speaker 8: he kicks me out because I was late home?
• 51:05
  Speaker 7: Yeah, he's unpredictable. Yeah, you don't know what's gonna happen.
• 51:11
  Speaker 4: And the silent treatment is like toxic, bordering on abuse.
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: Withholding when you're so to give someone the silent treatment
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: that it's withholding and it's abusive because yeah, and it's
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: and it's also so immature, like it is so unevolved
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: and so not worth your time. It's it's disrespectful to
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: you as a person to think that that's okay.
• 51:31
  Speaker 7: And I guess to me too, is kind of a
• 51:33
  Speaker 7: sign of them just wanting to hurt you and not
• 51:36
  Speaker 7: wanting to work it out, because it's like we have
• 51:38
  Speaker 7: all that like, let's talk it out. They're choosing to
• 51:41
  Speaker 7: really lock into that pattern, but they just seem I
• 51:47
  Speaker 7: think you would just be literally be on pins and
• 51:49
  Speaker 7: needles around this person the entire time.
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then the location off, Like what I actually
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: would like to hear this conversation that you have next
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: with him, because you know that he was tracking you
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: while you were gone, and then you turned.
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: Your location off. I'm surprised he's even talking.
• 52:05
  Speaker 6: To you, right, and that upset the facts that you
• 52:07
  Speaker 6: turned the location off.
• 52:09
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I think what hurt me the most so was
• 52:10
  Speaker 8: everything was like perfect, like as in a day before
• 52:13
  Speaker 8: tennis we were going on this trip, but I honestly
• 52:17
  Speaker 8: did play tennis. And I think for me, it's like
• 52:19
  Speaker 8: I started to get in my head of like.
• 52:22
  Speaker 9: Of course, because you can't play tennis, like I didn't lie,
• 52:26
  Speaker 9: And I think that's what really got in my head
• 52:29
  Speaker 9: of me and me starting to gravel and be like please,
• 52:33
  Speaker 9: like let's fix this, but like I didn't do anything.
• 52:36
  Speaker 7: Wrong exactly because you want that's a natural reaction. You
• 52:39
  Speaker 7: really care about this person. You may be even in
• 52:42
  Speaker 7: love or love this person, and you wanted it to work.
• 52:45
  Speaker 7: But at the same time, it also should reveal to you,
• 52:48
  Speaker 7: like you were saying, the amount of work that this
• 52:51
  Speaker 7: person needs, because it seems as if, to put it politely,
• 52:55
  Speaker 7: they can very easily get triggered and set off on
• 52:58
  Speaker 7: things that aren't even there, right, Yeah.
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: So that's not about like his fear of.
• 53:04
  Speaker 7: That you're experiencing stuff and hurt which is legit right,
• 53:09
  Speaker 7: that you had nothing to do with before you even
• 53:12
  Speaker 7: came into the picture that's coming up for them and
• 53:14
  Speaker 7: they don't know how to process or deal with it.
• 53:16
  Speaker 7: And it's not to say that they're a bad person
• 53:18
  Speaker 7: at the very least they need the time to work
• 53:22
  Speaker 7: it out and maybe but.
• 53:23
  Speaker 6: You know what else sucks?
• 53:24
  Speaker 7: Can I just say this, Sometimes the most fun, exciting
• 53:31
  Speaker 7: swept up be the craziest.
• 53:33
  Speaker 6: Ones, do you know what I mean?
• 53:35
  Speaker 7: Like it can feel I sometimes in past relationships would
• 53:38
  Speaker 7: get over time. I was starting to pick up on
• 53:41
  Speaker 7: these kind of I'm saying this to say, you're not
• 53:42
  Speaker 7: the first one to experience this, so don't feel like
• 53:45
  Speaker 7: you're alone.
• 53:45
  Speaker 6: In all of this.
• 53:46
  Speaker 7: And sometimes it's not for everyone, but those fast and
• 53:49
  Speaker 7: furious heavy you also get fast and furious bullshit too,
• 53:55
  Speaker 7: you know what I mean?
• 53:56
  Speaker 6: Like there's two sides of that coin with.
• 53:58
  Speaker 7: That kind of personality, and so it seems like you're
• 54:03
  Speaker 7: also seeing not to say it wasn't real and what
• 54:06
  Speaker 7: you guys felt is what you felt. But sometimes I
• 54:11
  Speaker 7: don't know. Sometimes love is a little bit more boring
• 54:14
  Speaker 7: and a little bit more it's not always high voltage.
• 54:19
  Speaker 6: And sometimes because those people are.
• 54:20
  Speaker 7: Like a little more high or strung, and you're gonna
• 54:22
  Speaker 7: also get those highs of the bad highs too.
• 54:25
  Speaker 6: I don't know if that makes sense.
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: Oh, absolutely, I totally makes sense, I think. But you know,
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: you always have to look at these moments as with gratitude,
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: like thank you for showing me who you are. Thank you,
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for not
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: wasting my time. Don't it's not a struggle. You don't
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: have to make it this big struggle. And like, I
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: don't know, is it? What do I do? What I
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: would do?
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: You know what to do? That's a bad sign. He
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: has work to do.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: If he wants to do work and come back, great,
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: you can talk to him in a few months after
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: it's had some therapy. But this is not how you're
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: going to go through life. So that's the end of
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: that story. You got the message out and clear it right,
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: problem solved, Okay.
• 55:00
  Speaker 8: Yeah, And I think it's that way solved because I
• 55:01
  Speaker 8: was also about to I was going to propose to No, no, no,
• 55:16
  Speaker 8: no no no no no no no no no, it
• 55:19
  Speaker 8: was no one really knew besides one friend.
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: This is a gift.
• 55:27
  Speaker 6: Was a gift. It was a big, big the.
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: Universe stepping in to tell you wrong decision.
• 55:32
  Speaker 6: And also, you have a big, beautiful heart.
• 55:34
  Speaker 7: There is someone out there that's going to be down
• 55:37
  Speaker 7: for all of that and will reciprocate the same exact
• 55:40
  Speaker 7: thing back to you. And this relationship and the relationships
• 55:43
  Speaker 7: in the past will all make sense when you meet
• 55:46
  Speaker 7: that person. I promise you that without even knowing you
• 55:49
  Speaker 7: so continue to be your beautiful, full heart itself, and
• 55:52
  Speaker 7: the right person will be able to handle all of
• 55:55
  Speaker 7: that and give it all back in spades.
• 55:58
  Speaker 8: Yeah, and I think I'm going to need to take
• 55:59
  Speaker 8: my I don't need to rush. I think you said
• 56:03
  Speaker 8: that too.
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of men out there. You're gonna be fine.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: Don't worry about it, all right, Christopher, God speed God,
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: thanks for calling in. Yeah, well that was really good advice.
• 56:15
  Speaker 8: You know what.
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: I like the intensity with which you are paying attention
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: to these questions.
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: I appreciate you. I appreciate your attention to this matter. Absolutely,
• 56:25
  Speaker 2: you really really were I.
• 56:26
  Speaker 6: Still left my body to propose. I got so scared.
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: We didn't even get into only Murders in the Building, Davine.
• 56:35
  Speaker 6: Okay, but thank you for watching it.
• 56:37
  Speaker 2: I love that you.
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: I get you got that you asked him to do
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: a scene with Meryl Street because.
• 56:44
  Speaker 6: That's right, you have to in this building. I'm like,
• 56:47
  Speaker 6: oh no, it's okay.
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: So you can catch Davine.
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: She's a new movie. It's Eternity. It's out in theaters now.
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: You can catch her on Only Murders in the Building.
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: And it's it's such a it's such a joy to
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: sit down with you.
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: It's such a joy joy triple joy day. It's a
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: triple joy day. Thank you for being with us here
• 57:06
  Speaker 2: on your wedding day.
• 57:07
  Speaker 6: Thank you.
• 57:11
  Speaker 10: The word of the week is efficacious, adjective having the
• 57:17
  Speaker 10: power to produce a desired effect. Efficacious used in a sentence.
• 57:24
  Speaker 10: Everyone knows that women are more efficacious at problem solving
• 57:29
  Speaker 10: and multitasking than men. Efficacious.
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: High and Mighty Tour. I will be touring from February
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: through June, So go get your tickets now. If you
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: want good seats and you want to come see me perform,
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: I will be on the High and Mighty tour.
• 57:53
  Speaker 3: Do you want advice from Chelsea?
• 57:55
  Speaker 4: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
• 57:58
  Speaker 4: full video episodes Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea pod.
• 58:03
  Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
• 58:07
  Speaker 4: producer Katherine law And be sure to check out our
• 58:10
  Speaker 4: merch at Chelseahandler dot com