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How To Speak Without Fear with Adrienne Binder · The Trauma Therapist

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  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Trauma Therapist podcast. My name is Gaming Person.
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  Speaker 1: I interview incredible people who've dedicated their lives to helping
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  Speaker 1: those who've been impacted by trauma. A big thank you
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  Speaker 1: to our sponsors and our guests who are supporting this show.
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  Speaker 1: So vive to pinion one our folks. Welcome back to
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  Speaker 1: the podcast. Super excited to have as my guest today,
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  Speaker 1: Adrian Bender. Adrian, welcome.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. I
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  Speaker 2: look forward to the opportunity to speak with you today.
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  Speaker 1: Awesome. Adrian is a licensed therapist, practitioner, and researcher devoted
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  Speaker 1: to healing at the intersection of identity, dignity, and human experience.
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  Speaker 1: As a founder of Restoration Resources, she specializes in helping
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  Speaker 1: individuals heal from trauma, abuse, and relational wounds. Drawn from
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  Speaker 1: both professional expertise and personal experience, she equips individuals, families,
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  Speaker 1: and organizations with practical tools for healing, resilience, and restoration.
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  Speaker 1: Her work is centered on fostering hope and helping people
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  Speaker 1: move toward lasting, emotional and relational well being. All right,
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  Speaker 1: just a little bit about you before we go in
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  Speaker 1: share with the listeners. Where you're from originally and where
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  Speaker 1: you are currently.
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  Speaker 3: Awesome. So one quick correction.
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  Speaker 2: I am a trauma educator, so my background is in
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  Speaker 2: trauma healing and education, and I do therapeutic work that's
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  Speaker 2: through art, and I am not a licensed professional counselor,
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  Speaker 2: so I just wanted to put that ahead of time
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  Speaker 2: as my disclaimer. And I am from Houston, Texas. That
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  Speaker 2: is where I have been for many years. I was
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  Speaker 2: born and raised south of here in a very small
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  Speaker 2: town called El Campo. So I am a sixth generation
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  Speaker 2: Texan and that is where I currently reside.
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  Speaker 1: Awesome. All right, so let's get started. How does all
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  Speaker 1: this start for you?
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  Speaker 2: So for me, I would say where education is so
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  Speaker 2: important for me is I will never forget the day
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  Speaker 2: where I learned the word emotional abuse. And it was
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  Speaker 2: a moment in time that I needed it in a
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  Speaker 2: really incredible way. And when I heard that word, a
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  Speaker 2: light turned on that changed me for the rest of
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  Speaker 2: my life. And I think that that's where my passion resides,
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  Speaker 2: is turning.
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  Speaker 3: On that light for others.
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  Speaker 1: All Right, you just you buried the lead here. How
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  Speaker 1: did you come to learn that word? We got to
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  Speaker 1: go back?
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  Speaker 3: Okay, So I learned that word. I was in a
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  Speaker 3: moment of time.
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  Speaker 2: I was nine months pregnant and in a situation that
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  Speaker 2: was really really scary for me. And in those moments,
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  Speaker 2: I would grab a phone or grab an iPad and
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  Speaker 2: I would kind of just like start googling. I was
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  Speaker 2: very confused. I was living in a fog. I knew
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  Speaker 2: something wasn't right, and so I would just ask questions
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  Speaker 2: trying to get to the answers of what was going
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  Speaker 2: on in my relationship at the time. And it was
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  Speaker 2: that word emotional abuse that when it flash up on
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  Speaker 2: the screen that I knew in my situation that there
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  Speaker 2: was something that I did not understand. And I think
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  Speaker 2: that that's where my pursuit started and where it came from,
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  Speaker 2: was that that particular moment.
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  Speaker 1: So you were married, Was this your first child? Yes?
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  Speaker 2: Married, first child, beautiful home baby about to be born?
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  Speaker 1: Yes, Okay, how long have you been married when this
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  Speaker 1: first started?
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  Speaker 2: So it was the very first day of my honeymoon
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  Speaker 2: that this first started, and it was very shocking and
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  Speaker 2: it was very confusing, and that's when my world turned
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  Speaker 2: upside down in a way that I I've definitely have
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  Speaker 2: never been the same from but I've also used it
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  Speaker 2: in a way to give me purpose for the rest
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  Speaker 2: of my life.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so you're nine months pregnant. About that?
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  Speaker 3: How pregnant?
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  Speaker 1: Yes, this amazing kid. And you said you you googled?
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  Speaker 1: What did you google that word? Or No, I was.
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  Speaker 3: Googling at the time.
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  Speaker 2: I was very confused, and I was googling, you know,
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  Speaker 2: how do you respect your husband when he hates everything
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  Speaker 2: about you or something along those lines, Because he was.
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  Speaker 2: He was very angry, and that was kind of the
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  Speaker 2: norm at that point. And I really thought at that
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  Speaker 2: point in my life that if I, if that was happening,
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  Speaker 2: I wasn't loving enough, I wasn't being respectful enough, I
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  Speaker 2: wasn't being kind enough, I wasn't honoring enough. I wasn't
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  Speaker 2: I was doing something wrong if that was happening.
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  Speaker 1: So what did you do? So?
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  Speaker 3: What did I do?
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  Speaker 1: So?
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  Speaker 2: I definitely I'd been in therapy at that point in
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  Speaker 2: time with a really amazing therapist and he was so
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  Speaker 2: kind and patient and letting me kind of discover things
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  Speaker 2: and kind of pointing me in the right direction. And
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  Speaker 2: I went on a deep dive. I went on a
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  Speaker 2: deep dive educating myself. I went on a deep dive
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  Speaker 2: really understanding where this kind of started.
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  Speaker 3: And I did leave it nine months pregnant.
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  Speaker 2: So I left the situation and took one hundred dollars.
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  Speaker 3: And I rebuilt my life.
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  Speaker 1: Wow.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, so, but at the time I was an educator,
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  Speaker 2: so like that was my background at that.
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  Speaker 1: Time, being an educator at that time.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I had been I got into education, I
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  Speaker 2: was in business before that I left. I'd been in education,
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  Speaker 2: and at that point in time, I was just to
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  Speaker 2: stay at home wife. But that was my background. So
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  Speaker 2: I that's my natural go to if I don't understand something,
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  Speaker 2: I need to learn right right, So, and I needed
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  Speaker 2: that language, so.
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  Speaker 1: Correct me if I'm wrong here, there's there's It can
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  Speaker 1: be two different things to know something, in your case,
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  Speaker 1: to be an educator and to actually have the being
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  Speaker 1: going through the experience and say, WHOA, this is happening
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  Speaker 1: to me? Is this happening to me? I must be nuts.
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  Speaker 1: It can't be happening to me. Was any of that
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  Speaker 1: going on for you?
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  Speaker 3: My question was what is happening to me?
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  Speaker 2: Because I did not I did not understand emotional abuse,
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  Speaker 2: I didn't understand manipulation.
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  Speaker 3: I didn't have language. I did not.
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  Speaker 2: I truly was living in a fog of I just
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  Speaker 2: I was clueless of what this was, and so I
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  Speaker 2: was really searching for answers at that point in time,
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  Speaker 2: and I really truly did not have the language or
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  Speaker 2: the awareness of what this was. And so that's why
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  Speaker 2: like to see emotional abuse. It was just such a
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  Speaker 2: moment of like what is this? What like there is
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  Speaker 2: some that's a real thing, Like it was just not
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  Speaker 2: even in my vocabulary at that point in time, and
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  Speaker 2: I was, you know, older.
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  Speaker 1: Were you sharing this with friends?
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  Speaker 2: No, I did not discuss this with anyone in my family,
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  Speaker 2: any of my best friends.
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  Speaker 1: Because I'm like some if some of your friends were like, girl, no,
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  Speaker 1: you got to get out.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I really did. It was it was I
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  Speaker 3: did not share it.
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  Speaker 2: I was something that I was definitely walking through alone
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  Speaker 2: because I felt at that point in time that I
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  Speaker 2: would be like dishonoring to like my husband or my
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  Speaker 2: marriage or I think.
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  Speaker 3: There was a lot of.
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  Speaker 2: A lot of I'm from a person that I come
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  Speaker 2: from the Christian Church, and that was I think that
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  Speaker 2: there's a lot of things within that that are inherent
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  Speaker 2: in that that.
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  Speaker 3: Kept me silent.
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  Speaker 2: So that was another part of things that were kind
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  Speaker 2: of woven in both historically, just through the history of
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  Speaker 2: how that's been embedded into the church, and then just
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  Speaker 2: my own personal experiences with it. I think I was
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  Speaker 2: kind of it was kind of ingrained at that point
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  Speaker 2: in time that to speak would have been not respectful
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  Speaker 2: and not honoring for sure.
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  Speaker 1: Sure, I'm wondering if there was ever a point where
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  Speaker 1: you were like, you know, of course he's acting this way,
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  Speaker 1: he's having a baby, he's freaking out like a lot
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  Speaker 1: of them.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yes, Oh I justified everything, yes, And everything was
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  Speaker 2: always it must be the stress or I always had
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  Speaker 2: excuses for that.
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  Speaker 3: From the moment it first happened. Oh my gosh, you
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  Speaker 3: just got married.
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  Speaker 2: This is a massive change, and so I would always
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  Speaker 2: justify it for sure.
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  Speaker 1: So how did you differentiate?
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  Speaker 3: So how did I differentiate?
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  Speaker 2: I think just knowing what it was, and then I
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  Speaker 2: went on a deep dive onto like at that point
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  Speaker 2: in my life, I did not know, like this is
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  Speaker 2: healthy and this is unhealthy, and so I really I
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  Speaker 2: think started with diving into what is a healthy relationship
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  Speaker 2: and ship look like and really getting a.
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  Speaker 3: Good framework for what that was.
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  Speaker 2: And that was really the starting point to be able
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  Speaker 2: to say that to differentiate between the two.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I did what and we'll talk more about this,
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  Speaker 1: but what were some of the qualifiers in that sense?
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  Speaker 1: The differentiators in that sense?
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  Speaker 3: Oh wow?
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  Speaker 2: So the differentiators like am I respected?
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  Speaker 3: Is my voice heard? Can I speak without fear? You know?
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  Speaker 3: Do I have freedom to choose without retaliation? You know?
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  Speaker 2: I just do I feel safe in my skin? Does
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  Speaker 2: my nervous system feel at peace?
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  Speaker 3: You know?
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  Speaker 2: So really learning because I went into it pretty strong
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  Speaker 2: and like who I was and my identity. I just
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  Speaker 2: come back from working overseas and I had a strong
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  Speaker 2: sense of self and so to feel so I don't
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  Speaker 2: know at that time, just so not safe in my body.
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  Speaker 2: I think that that was a big indicator for me,
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  Speaker 2: you know, to get back to like something is wrong here?
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  Speaker 1: Okay, so what do you do? You see these amazing therapists?
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  Speaker 1: You said you left at some point from from the
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  Speaker 1: time where you were like how long was that time
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  Speaker 1: where you were like some what the heck is going
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  Speaker 1: on here? Till the time you left? How long was.
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  Speaker 2: That from the very first moment that it was scary?
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  Speaker 2: So the time I left was fifteen months. So I
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  Speaker 2: was not in it for very long, and there would
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  Speaker 2: be moments where things would be all of a sudden
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  Speaker 2: better and I'm like, oh, okay, like this is better,
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  Speaker 2: Like we communicated through this, like this is this has
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  Speaker 2: been resolved, we processed this right, and then it would,
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  Speaker 2: you know, circle back around, which is the cycle of violence.
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  Speaker 3: You know, Like that's pretty common.
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  Speaker 1: So how do things unfold for you? What did you do.
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  Speaker 3: So after that?
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  Speaker 2: I mean, so I left two weeks before my tried
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  Speaker 2: was born. I was homeless at the time. I did
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  Speaker 2: stay with some family for a little bit. I stayed
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  Speaker 2: in a hotel and I called my old job and
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  Speaker 2: luckily they were hiring for exactly what I was in
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  Speaker 2: that moment. And so two weeks after giving birth, I
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  Speaker 2: was interviewing at my old school and it was the
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  Speaker 2: most amazing community ever in my life to walk back
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  Speaker 2: into it at that point in time.
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  Speaker 3: And I've since reached out, like not too long ago.
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  Speaker 2: I'm like, these people probably think I'm nuts, like, you know,
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  Speaker 2: because I just to communicate my gratitude. I don't even
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  Speaker 2: know if people really understood the community that they were
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  Speaker 2: for me in that moment, and it was so special
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  Speaker 2: and yeah, I eventually was able to get into an
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  Speaker 2: apartment later that fall and moved on from there. But
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  Speaker 2: that was a very big turning point in my life
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  Speaker 2: and for the next I was single for five years
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  Speaker 2: after that, and I spent years really unraveling, like how
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  Speaker 2: did I not see? Where did this come from? Because
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  Speaker 2: something was going on in me that I didn't see
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  Speaker 2: those red flags?
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  Speaker 1: What what was that? So?
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  Speaker 2: What was going on in me? I was definitely not
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  Speaker 2: raised in an abusive household. I did not I was
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  Speaker 2: never beaten, I was never abused. But I did not
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  Speaker 2: see healthy relationships. I did not understand what boundaries were,
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  Speaker 2: the fact that I could set them. I didn't know what,
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  Speaker 2: you know, really resolving things and repair was in a
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  Speaker 2: relationship in my family. I think that we were just
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  Speaker 2: I was specifically raised to be very passive, and when
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  Speaker 2: a problem happens, you don't speak about it and you
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  Speaker 2: move on.
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  Speaker 1: So that's why I think of stereotypical passive female.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, so I was kind of set up with that,
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  Speaker 2: just with the dynamics that I was I was raised
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  Speaker 2: in for sure.
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  Speaker 1: So okay, so how do you get going here? I mean,
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  Speaker 1: you're started restoration studio? How does it start.
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  Speaker 2: So for years, I think I really started doing a
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  Speaker 2: lot of what I would consider trauma healing, even from
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  Speaker 2: my early twenties, and whenever I would kind of go
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  Speaker 2: through a season of healing, I would write and write
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  Speaker 2: and write, and you know, different seasons would come and go,
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  Speaker 2: and I really started to see a pattern in.
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  Speaker 3: Kind of my healing journey, and.
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  Speaker 2: So the way for me best to heal a lot
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  Speaker 2: of times is to write and really articulate what that is.
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  Speaker 2: So I think that that's where my very first curriculum
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  Speaker 2: that I ever wrote is called Restored Foundations, and it
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  Speaker 2: really kind.
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  Speaker 3: Of walks through what that restoration.
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  Speaker 2: Journey has been for me, and it's just been on
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  Speaker 2: repeat in my life over and over. And then part
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  Speaker 2: of that, you know, what is healthy and not healthy
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  Speaker 2: is a piece of my course that I give away
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  Speaker 2: to free for anyone in the entire world, just to
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  Speaker 2: be able to turn that light on for someone else.
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  Speaker 2: And that's just something important to me. I truly believe
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  Speaker 2: that ninety percent of all trauma it does come from,
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  Speaker 2: you know, relationships where there's an unhealthy dynamic. And if
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  Speaker 2: everyone on the planet truly would know what was healthy
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  Speaker 2: and not healthy and make a choice for themselves to
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  Speaker 2: heal from that, the relational trauma that exists would be
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  Speaker 2: radically changed. Like if you want peace on earth, teach
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  Speaker 2: people what's healthy and not healthy and see if those
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  Speaker 2: that would be committed to it, would it changes things
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  Speaker 2: for generations?
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  Speaker 3: You know.
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  Speaker 1: So let's talk about your what you offer the curriculum.
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  Speaker 1: As you said, how did you begin to put things down?
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  Speaker 1: You said, when you were healing, you were always writing
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  Speaker 1: up down right? What does your your curriculum look like.
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  Speaker 1: What's the structure of it, how do you bring people
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  Speaker 1: through it? What's important for you to share with them?
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  Speaker 2: For sure, Well, for my healing curriculum, the most important piece.
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  Speaker 3: Is snippets of information.
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  Speaker 2: And a very small short teaching a word of wisdom,
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  Speaker 2: and then places for people to really look at things
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  Speaker 2: critically through just different questions, different journaling activities, different exercises
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  Speaker 2: to give the tools and give the reflective space that's needed.
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  Speaker 2: Because most people, when they have the time to really
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: or they take the time because they truly want to heal,
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  Speaker 2: really look at things through that reflective lens. It gives
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  Speaker 2: them the insight that they need to be able to understand.
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  Speaker 2: You know, how your story contributes, you know, like my
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  Speaker 2: story before this reallylationship with such a big part of
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: what brought me to that place of being this high achieving,
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  Speaker 2: you know, goal oriented strong woman to be in homeless,
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  Speaker 2: you know, in an.
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  Speaker 3: Abusive situation, like there's.
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  Speaker 2: Something going on reflectively that I had not done or
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  Speaker 2: I had not discovered about my story yet there was
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  Speaker 2: an important piece.
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  Speaker 3: You know.
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  Speaker 2: Other pieces are really, like I said, understanding what's healthy
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  Speaker 2: and what's not.
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  Speaker 3: Understanding what boundaries are and how to set them.
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  Speaker 2: Understanding you know, what tools that you need in your
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  Speaker 2: life to be able to cope and cope in a
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  Speaker 2: healthy way that when stress comes and these relationships come,
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  Speaker 2: how do you get stronger, you know, and handle it
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  Speaker 2: in a way where you don't crumble? How do you
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  Speaker 2: build that resilience. So that's a lot of what my
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  Speaker 2: work really stems around.
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  Speaker 1: Which is easier said than that.
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  Speaker 3: Oh absolutely.
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  Speaker 1: Lay it all out in a nice curriculum. But you
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  Speaker 1: got to go through I mean when you were when
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  Speaker 1: you I.
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  Speaker 4: Can't imagine Adrian like being married, nine months pregnant and
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  Speaker 4: you're even contemplating like I got to get out of
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  Speaker 4: this frigging relationship. I mean, what is going on for
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  Speaker 4: you and looking back at it now, kind of what
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  Speaker 4: do you wish someone? I mean maybe if you had
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  Speaker 4: been able to tell someone what do you wish, maybe
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  Speaker 4: they could have offered to you or shared with you,
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  Speaker 4: or told you or advised you, or maybe you wish this,
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  Speaker 4: They would have said, get the heck out? What was it?
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  Speaker 3: Well?
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  Speaker 2: I mean, what my curriculum is basically what I wrote
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  Speaker 2: to my eighteen year old self that if someone would
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  Speaker 2: have taught me at that age, it would have spared
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  Speaker 2: me years of suffering.
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  Speaker 1: All right, let's get specific here, give me some of
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  Speaker 1: those items. What did you write down? So?
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  Speaker 3: What did I write down? So?
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  Speaker 2: And I guess there's there's two different things that you're
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  Speaker 2: asking here, because one was what would it be in
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  Speaker 2: that moment that someone could have said to you?
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  Speaker 1: Was that?
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  Speaker 3: Can I clarify that question?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, let's do that.
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  Speaker 2: So in that moment, honestly, the kindest thing that anyone
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  Speaker 2: could have done would be to gently insert the language
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  Speaker 2: that I was looking for, right, so for my therapist
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  Speaker 2: to he would ask these really amazing questions that would
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: kind of point me towards things. Because where I was,
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  Speaker 2: I was so devoted and so dedicated. I was the
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: woman that would have never gotten divorced like I was loyal.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: So in that moment, to be a listening ear and
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: to just ask curious questions and to allow me to speak,
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: I think that that's one of the most helpful things
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: that you can offer to anyone that's walking through it,
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: because you can't, you know, force someone to come to
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: those conclusions.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Do you remember kind of what some of those questions were.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: I don't remember the questions necessarily. I do remember that
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: he would not give me advice, and I wanted it.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: The other thing I remember very specifically is some of
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: the analogies, So he would give me these little analogies,
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: these little metaphors, these little things that would paint these
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: pictures for me.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he's great.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: He's great, and I went I saw him. Not it's
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: been years now, but the last time he's gotten a
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: lot older, and I don't know, I don't know if
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: he's with us now, but he was such a godsend
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: at that point in time.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely so, in.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: The best way I think that a therapist might. He
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: didn't give you advice. He kind of allowed you to
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: kind of realize what was going on and that can
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: be a tough thing to do, to experience. I'm wondering,
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: was there any feelings of shame for you? Was there
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: any feelings of embarrassment? How could I let this happen?
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Et cetera is going on?
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I think that that's one of the reasons
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: why I was silent is because, like, I'm not someone
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: like I'm pretty tenacious, you know, I don't really fail
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: at things. Well, so I think to have such a
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: new marriage and to have it failing, I think that
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: that's why I was probably silent. That and this deep
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: loyalty that I have that once I stand by someone,
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: that's just kind of like my nature. But I do
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: think that there was a certain amount of that, and
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: I think that when a therapist would uncover that too quick,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: I think that it probably would make someone want to
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: run in that moment.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, Well well all right, so more specifically, you
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: said you created this program talking to your eighteen year
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: old self. Yes, let's get talk a little specifically about
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: what you said, what you felt you needed to say
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: to that eighteen year old self.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: Well, the things that I would have taught and I
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: hope that the next generation is something I teach my
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: kids all the time. Is really having them rooted in
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: that sense of identity of knowing who they are, that
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: they're valuable, and that sense of self worth, I think
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: is something really important. And knowing themselves, not who I
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: want them to be or who the world wants them
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: to be, but who they truly are. You know, what
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: they love, what they hate, what they want, what they
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: don't want, you know, and really finding that sense of
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: voice and rootedness, because when people do come across your
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: path and they don't align with that, it really helps
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: you to kind kind of sort through different relationships that
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: you want to invest in that you don't, and then
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: knowing those red flags of what's not healthy. You know, like,
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: I don't know if a lot of things like in
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: the world today, they're really they can be really toxic,
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: And I don't know if unless it's being taught somewhere,
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: how people really are able to Unless you just see
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: by example of what you're raised with and you happen
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: to come from a really healthy family, what that looks
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: like in terms of what you allow into your life
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: and what you don't, there's not a whole lot of
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: clarity on that, So you just kind of go with
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: the flow and you let people in and it gets crazy,
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: and it's like, how do you handle that? How do
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: you address that when you have people in your life
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: they're not supportive and they don't respect you, or they
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: cross your boundaries, you know, really giving real life language
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: to that for the next generation. I wish I would
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: have known, you know, if someone's not kind you said
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: a boundary, how do you do that? You know, like
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: that would be an important tool that I wish I
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: would have had.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: All Right, just reminder, I'm speaking with Adrian Bender Restoration Resources.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: So who is your program for Let's get an idea
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: here more specifically of what you're offering to people.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: For sure, I'm offering it to anyone that needs that
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: sort of clarity in their life, whether they're looking for
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: just a foundation after going through a lot of different
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: tumultuous relationships that have been confusing, if someone is, you know,
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: for that next generation young adults, I think it's really
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: important to be able to have good clarity moving forward.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: That's just something that I truly believe that we need
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: to have educationally within our universities and within our schooling.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: And if that's not something that's part of a regular curriculum.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: I think that it would be important that people individually
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: that want to have a healthy foundation in their life
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: to be able to have those skills and tools and
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: to know how to really love themselves well so they
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: can go out and do great and amazing things and
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: live a life that's full of purpose and joy and
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: not constantly caught up in chaos.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: So is this an online course? I know you have
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: a community also talk to us specifically about what each is.
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: For sure.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, this is an online course. You can access it
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: anytime by going to my Restoration Resources Org website and
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: it's the Healthy Relationships course I offer for free. Anyone
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: can download it today, tomorrow, at any point in time.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: It is available for anyone in the community. And then
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: my community that's attached to that is called Restoration Conversations
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: and you can find that on Instagram, and that is
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: just a place for people to be able to come
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: together and have conversations about these things and learn really
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: how to if you've been through some of these things
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: and getting them what I consider I like to educate
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: and then.
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: Point people to the therapist.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: So once we turn the light on and we give
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: some language to some of these things. That's where I
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: really play a part in this ecosystem is really providing
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: that language, providing some of that basic information so that
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: people can get the help that they need if they
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: haven't been in healthy situations in the past, and how
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: to move forward through that. I just I consider myself
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: someone that turns the light on.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Now are you working? You said it's for anyone, but
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: is it more for women or doesn't matter men? Women?
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: It absolutely does not matter. Yeah, No, it's anyone. It's
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: it's not gender specific by any means.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: When you when you find yourself, let's talk specifically about
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: your community. Are those online discussions?
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: Yes, So, like there's a there's a platform that anyone
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: that takes the course they can join. There's resources at
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: it every week, and we're slowly gathering different voices from
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: the community because I just think that there's so many
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: powerful voices out there for those that are having resources
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: Like I just my goal over the long term is
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: to really have a place where it's more of a
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: collective of all of the voices that are really speaking
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: into this in this moment in time, because I think
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: that there's it's just kind of a powerful shift I
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: think from the previous generation to where we are today,
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: and there's so many people right now that are contributing
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: to this conversation and just over time, I want to
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: pull all of the resources together so people can find
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: you know, trauma informed therapist, and if you're struggling within
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: eating disorder, or if you're struggling with you know, relationships,
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: or whether you're struggling with depression or anxiety, just a
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: general place for people to go and find the curriculum
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: and the tools that they need and find that clinical
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: help as well that partners with that, so that people
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: can get not only the educational side, but the clinical
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: side that's so important for people to heal.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Now, I think you said you're currently in a relationship. Yes, yes, okay,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: So when that started, were you like putting stakes in
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: the ground. These are my boundaries. I'm going to get
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: this right this time. You know what was that like
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: for you? Yeah?
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: It's so funny. I always say, it's like, you know how.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: You're like you're in medical school and you learn all
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: the head knowledge and then you actually have to.
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: Go practice and surgery as a restaurant.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: Right, That's exactly how it's always felt for me because
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: I spent five years like really healing from all of
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: this and like getting the education and then to actually
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: apply it with a real life human being was such.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: It was so interesting. And yes, now, I mean the.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: Beginning, there were some moments of there was a lot
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: of communication and a lot of problem solving and really
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: talking through. But yeah, now I've been married for eight
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: years and he's amazing, and it's wonderful.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: And it's so good and it's so.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: Cool to see how like when you have the tools,
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: how quickly you can repair and the connection that you
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: can form and the dreams that you can build together.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: It's really really beautiful. So it's wonderful.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: As we kind of close out here, I'm wondering how
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: this experience has altered impacted your relationship with your faith.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: I've done a lot of deconstructing. I've done a lot
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: of deconstructing, and I have a lot more to say
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: about that and a lot more work that I will
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: be releasing on that in the future. That's definitely the
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: next step of what I definitely look forward to discussing
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: with the world.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Is that another podcast episode, It's.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Another podcast, it's another curriculum it's another entire world. Like
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: I'm wrapping up my doctorate right now, and whenever I
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: finish that, that is my next assignment.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: Because there's a lot to stay and.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: There's so much history and theology and tools that women need.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: I think some of the most oppressed women on the
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: planet are people in the pulpit or people behind the
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: pews in some of these churches.
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: So I definitely have a lot to say about that.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: So is it safe to say it has shifted impacted
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: your relationship?
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Well, I still have my faith. My relationship with the
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: church is very, very different. And being in the South
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: and seeing a lot of that perpetrated in the society
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: and in culture and in churches, it is something that
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: it needs to change.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Yeah, Well all right, Adrian. What's the best
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: way for people to learn more about you and your
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: incredible work?
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: Sure, I'm at Restoration Resources dot org.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: And if you do forward slash and podcast, you will
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: find a page specifically dedicated to all the things.
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: That we discussed today.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Oh I love it.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: You have a special landing page.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: We'll help all that link up here at the show
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: notes page at the Trauma Theravist podcast dot com. Adrianna.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: Love it. I mean, come on, super inspiring. Appreciate you
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: being here.
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: Awesome. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: All right, take care, uh huh, thank you. That is it.