Latest / Beautifully Complex / 332: When the Honeymoon Period Ends — What to Do When School Starts Falling Apart

Transcript

332: When the Honeymoon Period Ends — What to Do When School Starts Falling Apart · Beautifully Complex

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: This October crash isn't a sign that your kid doesn't care.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: It may feel like it, I promise you, but it's
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: not a sign that they don't care. It's a sign
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: that they've been working really hard to stay regulated in
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: this environment that's constantly testing their limits, and their body
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: is telling them I can't keep doing it this way.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: Welcome to Beautifully Complex, where we unpack what it really
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: means to parent neurodivergent kids with dignity and clarity. I'm
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Penny Williams, and I know firsthand how tough and transformative
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: this journey can be. Let's dive in and discover how
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: to raise regulated, resilient, beautifully complex kids together. Oh and
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: if you want more support, join our free community at
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: hub dot beautifully complex dot life.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, it's Penny here. If you're noticinging that your
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: child's school year is starting to come undone, it's unraveling.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: The morning battles are coming back, the homework tears are
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: showing up again. The spark that your kid had in
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: August feels like it's dimming. I want you to know
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: that you are so not alone this unraveling of what
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I always called the honeymoon period started for us Every
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: single year in October, it just started to fall apart,
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: like clockwork. Every single October when my kid was younger,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: I could practically set my watch to this, y'all. We'd
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: start the new school year with all this hope built up,
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: new supplies, a fresh start, a new teacher who maybe
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: seemed to finally really get this kid, and for the
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: first several weeks, things would go pretty good. Actually they
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: would go better than okay most of the time, sometimes
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: even great. And there went that hope welling up, building
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: up again right and then out of nowhere, the wheels
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: would just come off. Mornings got harder, Resistance to schools
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: started to grow. It crept back in, sometimes slowly, sometimes
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: it was just boom, here it is. We go from
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: great to so not great. Homework was a battlefield. The
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: confidence and optimism that my kid had when the school
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: year started really slowly faded back into frustration, back into tears,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: back into exhaustion for both of us. I used to
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: think we had to be doing something wrong. We hadn't
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: prepared enough for a new school year. We've lost progress
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: over the summer. But I now know that this October
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: unraveling period when the honeymoon ended isn't failure. It's biology.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: It's just the natural rhythm of how neurodivergent brains and
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: bodies respond to sustain demands and environments that don't work
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: for them over time. So I want to unpack that
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: with you today. Why is there a honeymoon period, why
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: does it fade? And what can you do when things
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: start falling apart? What can you do at that moment
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: without losing hope, without losing connection with your kid? I
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: first want to talk about why that honeymoon period happens
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: and why it ends. When the school year first begins,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: everything is new. We have new teachers, new classrooms, new routines,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: new faces, new expectations, sometimes even a new school. But
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: what we often miss is that for the ADHD brain,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: new actually feels good. That novelty is stimulating. It wakes
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: up the brain's dopamine system, which for neuro divergent kids
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: often runs a little low on everyday tasks. Right, So
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: in those first few weeks, that fresh energy, that novelty,
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: that change can feel really motivating because it is lighting
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: up that ADHD brain, that newness. It's exciting and you'll
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: see it and think, oh my gosh, maybe this is
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: the year that everything's clicking right. You're so hopeful, the
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: optimism is growing. But the thing about that novelty is
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: it doesn't last, Guys. Once the newness wears off, which
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: it always will, once those routines become predictable, and the
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: daily grind sets in and the messages of you're not
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: trying hard enough and you're not doing this or keep
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: flowing that ADHD brain loses that extra spark of stimulation.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Suddenly what was exciting now becomes boring or hard. The
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: motivation that came so naturally to their body and their
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: brain before with that newness, now requires some real effort
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: to maintain, more effort to maintain. And that's when the
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: old struggles start to creep back in. That forgetfulness, the resistance,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: the meltdowns, the dysregulation. And when that happens, both kids
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: and parents often feel defeated. I know I did. Every
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: single October. I knew that defeat Week was coming, but
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: I'd be really hopeful that maybe this was the year
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: that it wasn't gonna happen, And yet it did. And
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: the hope that this year will be different started to fade.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Like clockwork, The confidence built in those early weeks would
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: give way to self doubt. Why can't I just do this?
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: What's wrong with me? What am I not providing for
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: my kid that would make him or her or they successful?
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: So now not only are they working harder to manage
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: those demands of school, that system and environment that isn't
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: built for them. Now they're carrying emotional weight to disappointment, shame, frustration.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: That's a lot for any nervous system to hold. So
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: let's talk about the nervous system and the role of
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: the nervous system in this newness and this crash. I
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: want to zoom out and really look at it through
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: that nervous system lens. When school starts, our kids' nervous
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: systems go into overdrive. They're navigating an avalanche of change.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: They have new expectations, new sensory input, new pe full
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: to read, new schedules to follow, new social dynamics to manage.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Even if they seem to be doing fine on the outside,
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: remember that inside their system is working overtime just to
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: keep up. And they could be okay on the outside
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: but falling apart on the inside. It's not bad, it's adaptive,
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: but it's not sustainable. So what happens by October is
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: that the body starts running low on capacity. Our nervous
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: system has been working in overdrive and it has depleted capacity.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: It's not that it's necessarily screaming for rest, it's screaming
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: for safety. Remember felt safety is the key to everything.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: The nervous system has been scanning for danger for weeks,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: trying to stay in that I can handle this state.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: But eventually, if they're there's too much dysregulation for too long,
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: the brain starts to code the school environment as unsafe.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Our brains, our kids' brains are wiring that this environment
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: is unsafe. And here's where we see the real shift.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: They stop being biologically available to learn. Because biologically, when
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: the brain perceives danger, even emotional danger, social danger, it
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: moves out of the thinking brain and into the survival brain.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Survival brain floods and blocks access to the thinking brain.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: That means executive function, planning, organizing, task initiation, emotional regulation
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: goes offline. So if your kid is suddenly shutting down,
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: melting down, avoiding school, lashing out, this is a signal
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: from their nervous system saying I don't feel safe here anymore.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: And safety doesn't always mean stillness, y'all. Sometimes the body
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: finds safety in rest less stimulation, more recovery. Other times, though,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: safety comes from movement, running, climbing, pacing, bouncing, being outdoors
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: in nature. That's why some kids retreat and other kids
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: seem to ramp up and get activated. Both are nervous
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: system strategies to find equilibrium. Again, both of those are
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: those internal animal instincts that we all have, welling up
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: and taking action to protect us. So this October crash
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: isn't a sign that your kid doesn't care. It may
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: feel like it, I promise you it may feel like it,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: but it's not a sign that they don't care. It's
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: a sign that they've been working really hard to stay
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: regulated in this environment that's constantly testing their limits, and
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: their body is telling them I can't keep doing it
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: this way. There's another layer two, and it's one that
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: really so often goes unnoticed. As the schooler progresses, that
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: demands for responsibility I'm using air quotes and accountability again.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: With the air quotes get bigger, teachers start to expect
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: more independence and they expect kids to be able to
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: keep following through keep on that same level with less guidance.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: In September, everything is explained carefully. Routines are taught, instructions
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: are modeled, Reminders are frequent because it's new. But by
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: October into late October, the assumption is you should know
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: this by now, this should be routine for you. Now
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: you don't need my extra help anymore. But our neurodivergent
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: kids often need that continued level of support, not because
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: they're not capable, but because executive function doesn't develop through
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: exposure alone. They need scaffolding that stays consistent, not support
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: that fades away the moment that the novelty does. They
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: need consistent support. So when explanations and reminders start to
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: drop off, kids who were holding it together through effort
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: and adrenaline and dopamine suddenly feel lost. And that sense
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: of I can't keep up starts to fuel even more
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: dysregulation and stress. And now we have all of these
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: forces commingling and colliding at once. Novelty is fading, confidence
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: is dropping, nervous system is overwhelm and dysregulated. Expectations are rising.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Do you feel the tension welling up in you as
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: you listen to that, because I feel it as I'm
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: saying it. My whole body tenses up just thinking about
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: all of those things piling on and colliding. It's no
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: wonder that this time period around October feels like everything
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: is just unraveling. But the truth is this is actually
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: the moment to lean in with compassion and not control.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: We need to look beneath the behavior and ask, what
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: is this telling me about what this kid needs right now?
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: What is this behavior telling me about what this kid
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: needs right now? So let's talk about what to do
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: when things start to fall apart, when everything feels like
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: it's unraveling. Our natural instinct as the caring adult is
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: to tell in the reins more structure, more consequences, more
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: demands for compliance. But control doesn't build capacity people. Connection does.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Regulation does. Instead of asking how do I make them
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: do this? I want you to ask what's getting in
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: the way. We're going to stop asking how do I
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: make them do this? Or how do I make them
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: stop doing this? And we're going to start asking what
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: is getting in the way of meeting expectations? Is the
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: barrier emotional safety? Is it fatigue? Is it overwhelm? Is
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: it executive dysfunction? Executive function overload? You can't address what
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: you can't see, so you have to start with curiosity
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: instead of correction. Correction is way down the road, folks.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: When I learn to pause and look beneath the behavior,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: to really see the signal instead of just the surface,
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: everything shifted. I cannot say this enough to you in
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: all of these podcast episodes. Everything shifted when I started
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: seeing behavior as a signal. It didn't make the hard
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: moments disappear. It gave me a roadmap. I could see
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: when my kid was in fight, when he was in flight,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: when he was frozen, and from there I could meet
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: him where he was. I could interpret what those states
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: meant that he needed, and then I was there where
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: he was, not where I wished that he could be.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: By October, we often see what I call executive function
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: cold as it's when all the invisible mental skills that
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: help kids manage life, the organization, planning, flexibility, task initiation,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: emotional regulation, they all start to crumble under the weight
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: of ongoing stress. Because remember, when our bodies are stressed,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: our nervous system is disregulated. When our nervous system is disregulated,
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: the access to the thinking brain fades. We need the
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: thinking brain for any and all executive function. So let's
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: talk about a few of those areas and how to
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: support them with task initiation. Getting started is often the
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: hardest part. I want you to try some coregulation through
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: body doubling. Sit next to your kid while they're getting started,
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: or set a five minute timer where you start together.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Sometimes just sharing energy helps the brain to bridge the
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: gap between thinking and doing. To organization, keep systems simple
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: and visual. I cannot emphasize visual enough. When my kid
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: was in middle school, we color coded everything, which helped some.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: We also simplified one binder had everything for every class
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: in it. That's what worked for him. It wasn't perfect,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: but it gave his brain one less decision to make,
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: one less thing to try to figure out, and that
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: really mattered. It really made a difference. When we look
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: at planning, break assignments or routines into tiny visible steps.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Again tiny steps, and make it visible. Write one sentence
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: is much more doable than go finish your essay. Put
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: on your shoes is clearer than go get ready for school.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: The brain loves clear. It is necessary to add an
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: additional layer of clarity for our nerdivergent kids flexibility. Our
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: kids thrive when change feels predictable, so give them gentle warning.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: When plans shift, you can say something like we're going
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: to do something different today and then explain what will
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: stay the same and what will be different. That consistency
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: is going to build trust. Trust builds safety, safety builds regulation.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: Remember that executive function is not a willpower issue, folks.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: It's not willpower, it's not motivation, it's not character. It's
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: a skill set that develops over time through support and modeling,
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: and it is only available when regulated. Before you try
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: to teach or fix, I want you to are by regulating,
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: because when the nervous system is disregulated, learning and problem
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: solving simply aren't available. Hear me when I say that
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: it's not available. The thinking brain is not available. So
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: here is how to prioritize safety. First, start with sensory
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: breaks short regular breaks for movement, quiet, or deep pressure.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: You need to understand your kid's sensory profile and what
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: kind of sensory input is settling to their nervous system,
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: and then provide that type of input a few minutes
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: of swinging stretching or wrapping up in a way to
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: blanket can bring the body back toward balance and feeling settled.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: After school decompression is something that I really worked hard
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: to weave in for my own kid because it made
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: a huge difference. I want you to go into that
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: after school time expecting a period of decomposition rather than Okay,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: we're going to tackle homework and get everything done and
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: move on. Your kid has been holding it together all day.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: You need to build in time to release before you
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: ask them to re engage in tasks that require the
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: thinking brain and regulation. They need time to rest and reset,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: They need time to return to regulation. Predictable rituals can
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: really help as well. The same snack, the same seat,
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: the same song on the drive home. These patterns of
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: ritual help signal safety to the brain. The more predictable
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: you can be, the more safe your kid's brain is
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: going to feel, and yours too. You can do some
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: emotional check ins. Instead of asking how is your day,
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: which for me was always melt with fine or I
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: don't want to talk about it, or complete silence, you
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: can ask something like did today feel light or heavy?
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: That gives you the opportunity to do that check in
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: to show that you care. But it's not so much
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: pressure to rehash everything that they've been through, and it
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: gives them permission to feel without pressure to explain it
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: to you and to talk about it. Remember what calms
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: one kid may energize another. Safety is not one size
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: fits all. For some safety feels like quiet, For others,
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: it feels like movement and laughter and sound. For my kids,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: safety felt like heavy metal music. So you need to
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: follow your kid's cues. Don't make your own assumptions about
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: what is going to help them return to felt safety.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: You cannot teach a dysregulated brain new tricks. You cannot.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: You have to help it feel safe first. If your
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: child is melting down every afternoon after school or every
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: morning is a battle, it's a signal. It's not signaling failure.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: It's not signaling that they don't care. It's a signal
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: of mismatch. The demands have exceeded their capacity, either their
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: emotional capacity, their regulation capacity, their skills capacity. There might
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: have unmet needs that are reducing capacity. Right there's a
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: lot of things that can reduce capacity, and we have
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: to notice and think about all of those we're trying
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: to figure out why things aren't working the way that
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: we want them to, ask yourself, where can I lighten
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: the load, even temporarily. Remember when we pull back, when
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: we reduce demands, when we stretch the timeline, we're saying
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: this isn't happening right now, not yet. We're not saying
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: that we don't care about this forever. We can ask
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: questions like, can assignments be shortened? Can our kids have
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: more transition time between tasks? Can we drop an extracurricular
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: or something that we're doing after school this month? Can
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: the teacher reduce written output or let them show knowledge verbally?
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Sometimes the most powerful support that we can offer is
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: when we say, you don't have to push through this alone.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: I am here to help you. I've got you. It's
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: okay to scale back, it's okay to protect capacity. Your
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: kid's mental health and emotional health matters more than their
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: schoolwork and their grades. So this period that we're in,
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: this honeymoon unraveling, is a season for grace, not grinding,
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: because growth doesn't come from forcing more, It comes from
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: creating space to recover, to regulate, to rebuild. Here's what
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: I want you to really take away from this and
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: hold on to this October. Unravel the falling apart, the
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: slipping back into old patterns. It does not mean that
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: you've lost progress. I know it feels like it, but
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: it's not what it means. It's actually part of the process.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Regulation and growth aren't linear. They're cyclical. Your child's nervous
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: system expands, stretches, takes in new experiences. Their brain makes
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: new neural connections, and then it contracts again to recover
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: and integrate what it's learned. That's how development and growth works.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: It's like building a muscle. The strength doesn't come from
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: the moment of effort. It comes from the continued practice
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: and repair afterward. Instead of seeing this as backsliding, try
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: to see it as feedback. Try to read the signals
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: the system is saying, I've reached my edge. I need
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: support before I can keep growing. Sometimes I need support
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: before I can even keep going. And the beautiful thing
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: about understanding this cycle is that you stop panicking when
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: things fall apart. Not always, but it improves. You can
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: stop blaming yourself so much. You can start responding with steadiness,
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: not fear. You can say, okay, this is our recalibration season.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: We've been here before. We know what to do. We
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: at least know where to start. You focus on safety
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: connection capacity, and you wait for the system to come
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: back online. And by focusing on that safety connection and capacity,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: you are helping the system to come back online, because
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: it always does. We always ebb and flow through regulation
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: and dysregulation. So if things feel hard right now, your
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: mornings are rough, meltdowns are happening daily. The progress you
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: celebrated just a few weeks ago feels like it has
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: totally vanished. Please remember that this is not the end
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: of the story. You are not stuck here. It's just
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: the middle, the messy, human, real life middle. Your kit
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: isn't broken. Their behavior isn't the problem. It is the signal.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say that again and again forever more.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Behavior isn't the problem. It is the signal. When you
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: learn to follow it, you're going to create safety. And
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: when safety comes, regulation will follow. And when regulation grows,
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: learning and confidence bloom again. So take a breath, Help
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: your kid take a breath. Lower the bar for a bit,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: Reduce demands for a bit. Meet your child where they are,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: not where you hoped they'd be not where they were
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: two weeks ago, where they are today, right now, in
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: this moment, because that's where connection begins, and connection is
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: the fertile soil where all lasting change grows. Remember, just
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: because the honeymoon is over for the school year, hope
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: is not lost. I'm sending so much love, positive energy,
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: hugs your way. You've got this, Your kid has this.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: Just read the signals and meet them where they are.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: See you on the next episode. Take good care.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: I see you. You're doing hard and meaningful work and
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: you don't have to do it alone. If you found
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: this episode helpful, share it with someone who needs it
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: and leave a quick review so others can find this
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: support too. When you're ready for next steps, the Regulated
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: Kid's Project is here with the tools, coaching, and community
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: to help you raise a more regulated, resilient child. Get
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: more info at regulated kids dot com.