Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Episode #183 " THE QUIETER YOUR MIND, THE BETTER YOUR LIFE" w/Dr. Ron Stotts

Transcript

Episode #183 " THE QUIETER YOUR MIND, THE BETTER YOUR LIFE" w/Dr. Ron Stotts · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Kickin' It With Kiki. Kickin' It With Kiki.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Kickin' It With Kiki. Full of personality.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Switchin' up the storyline.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: On God, we makin' history. Writing books.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: Changing lives.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: One day at a time. Put your problems to the side.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: Enjoy yourself.
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: Freeze your mind. Welcome back to another episode of Kicking
• 0:43
  Speaker 4: It With Kiki, Life, Love, and Mindset, where we have
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  Speaker 4: real conversations about what we think, the way that we love,
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  Speaker 4: the way we live, and ultimately the way that we grow.
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: I am your host, Kiki Chanel, and today I have
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  Speaker 4: a very special guest, but I'm going to let him
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: tell you who he is, like I always do for
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  Speaker 4: my guests.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: So Dr. Ron, thank you for coming to kick it
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: with me today.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you. Thank you.
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  Speaker 2: Go ahead and tell the people a little bit about
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: who you are and what you do.
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  Speaker 3: Well, I've wandered through life for quite a while and
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: started out with some pretty serious personal challenges that led
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: me down a unique path of trying to figure out
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  Speaker 3: how to heal and discover who I was. And that journey,
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: you know, which started off as something I had to
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: do became my life, became something I got to do.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: And so, yeah, it's just, you know, they say the
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: teacher will show up when you, when you're, once you're
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  Speaker 3: on your path and, and they did continue to show up.
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  Speaker 3: And I went from teaching English to getting a PhD
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  Speaker 3: in psychology to being co-director of a brain integration center.
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  Speaker 3: And yeah, it just continued. And yeah. And, I've worked
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  Speaker 3: with a lot of different kinds of people, couples a
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: lot in the beginning for a decade or so. But
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: let us say 10 or 15 years, I've really been
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: focused on more executives and high-level leaders. And the reason
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  Speaker 3: for that is because my kind of hidden agenda is
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: to create a more conscious and caring world. And I really,
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  Speaker 3: through my research, recognize that those are the people that
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  Speaker 3: really could have the most significant impact. not only in
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: their organization, but in the worldwide impact. So yeah, it's
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  Speaker 3: been good. I notice I'm now drifting back towards spirituality
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  Speaker 3: and personal growth again, but I really do enjoy just
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  Speaker 3: working with anybody who's ready to take on the journey.
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  Speaker 2: Well, thank you for being here.
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  Speaker 4: It has been a pleasure connecting with you. And we
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  Speaker 4: are going to talk about you can't change what you
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: haven't become conscious of in our topic for today. And
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: we're mixing in life, love, and mindset. So when you
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  Speaker 4: talk about becoming more conscious, what does that actually look
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  Speaker 4: like in our everyday lives?
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  Speaker 3: Well, your level of consciousness is determined by how aware
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  Speaker 3: you are of your thinking, your emotions, and your overall
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: state of well-being. And that's determined by your level of healing.
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  Speaker 3: You know, if you haven't really healed the past and
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: discovered and fallen in love with who you are, then
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  Speaker 3: you have a lot of subconscious thoughts going on that
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  Speaker 3: really are determining your life. You're reacting as you go
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  Speaker 3: through life rather than responding and creating. And so it's
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  Speaker 3: just the art of, you know, consciousness. I mean, at
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  Speaker 3: this stage in my life, nothing matters except for my consciousness,
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  Speaker 3: because it determines how I see, experience, and react to
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  Speaker 3: everything that comes into my life. So, you know, to
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  Speaker 3: be in the best state of consciousness I can be
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  Speaker 3: in gives me access to my highest levels of thought
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  Speaker 3: and awareness.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 4: How much of the way we think, react, lead, or
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  Speaker 4: even love is influenced by the things we aren't consciously
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  Speaker 4: aware of?
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  Speaker 3: They influence about 100%. Yeah, because I mean, we're only
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  Speaker 3: aware of about 5% of our thoughts, maybe 10, if
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  Speaker 3: you're lucky. And, you know, you can go, okay, I'm
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  Speaker 3: going to do it right this time, I'm going to
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  Speaker 3: do it better. Now I got it, you know, all
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  Speaker 3: those things that we tell ourselves, but then that 90%
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  Speaker 3: of our subconscious thoughts, all the things that we haven't healed,
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  Speaker 3: all the old patterns that got us through the beginning
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  Speaker 3: of life that are now sabotaging our life come into play.
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  Speaker 3: So unbeknownst to our conscious mind, all of a sudden
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  Speaker 3: we're back in old patterns and, you know, sabotaging ourself
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  Speaker 3: in unconscious ways.
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  Speaker 4: Right. We always hear people say, that's just how I
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  Speaker 4: am or.
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  Speaker 2: Who I am.
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  Speaker 4: How do we recognize the difference between our authentic selves
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  Speaker 4: and and behaviors that we developed through conditioning, fear, or survival.
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  Speaker 4: So how can we compare the two or know the
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  Speaker 4: difference between the two?
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  Speaker 3: Well, it's patterns that we're really identifying. When we say
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  Speaker 3: this is who I am, we're saying these are my
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  Speaker 3: patterns and I'm attached to those patterns because they protected me.
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  Speaker 3: And so those are all fear-based. And When you're a
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  Speaker 3: little kid, and I've asked this all around the world,
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  Speaker 3: what does a child want more than anything else? And
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  Speaker 3: the crowd always yells out love. And so I'm convinced
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  Speaker 3: that that is a recognized need. And then I say, well,
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  Speaker 3: do they want unconditional or conditional love? And everybody says unconditional.
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  Speaker 3: And so, all right. So a child is born wanting
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  Speaker 3: unconditional love more than anything else. And that makes sense
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  Speaker 3: because we're helpless. I mean, we can't even turn over
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  Speaker 3: for a month. I remember watching a colt being born
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  Speaker 3: when I was in college. It was pasture behind where
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  Speaker 3: I was living. And as I was riding my bike up,
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  Speaker 3: the colt was being born. I thought that was amazing
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  Speaker 3: just to catch that moment. But when it came out
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  Speaker 3: about an hour later, I was just blown away by
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  Speaker 3: the colt was just running all over the whole area.
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  Speaker 3: And so, you know, we don't have that ability. Right.
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  Speaker 3: And so we need that caretaker to give us everything
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  Speaker 3: we need. So we're making facial expressions. We're making gaga sounds.
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  Speaker 3: We're doing everything we can to connect with that caretaker
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  Speaker 3: so that they'll recognize us as them, you know, part
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  Speaker 3: of them. And so, you know, and every, I think
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  Speaker 3: every parent or most parents really do their very best.
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  Speaker 3: And the problem is that they haven't healed. I mean,
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  Speaker 3: you know, when I had my two sons, I'd just
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: gotten out of the Marine Corps. I was an absolute mess.
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  Speaker 3: I had no consciousness whatsoever other than survival. And here
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  Speaker 3: I go. Now I'm dead. So, you know, and that's
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  Speaker 3: true for most. You know, we're very young. We haven't
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  Speaker 3: taken the time for our own journey. We're Stumbling along,
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  Speaker 3: doing the best we can. And we want to live
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  Speaker 3: on love unconditionally, but the truth is we love our
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  Speaker 3: kids very conditionally. We want them to be like us.
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  Speaker 3: We want them to do what we think they need
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  Speaker 3: to do and be who we think they should be
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  Speaker 3: so that they'll survive and thrive in the world. And
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  Speaker 3: that's not recognizing who they are or any of the
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  Speaker 3: other constructs that come with that. So it's really... You know,
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  Speaker 3: that influence of wanting that love as a child, we
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  Speaker 3: come up with, you know, I might be very precise
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  Speaker 3: at getting all the right details done, or I might
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  Speaker 3: be controlling, or I might be very watchful and cautious,
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  Speaker 3: or whatever it was. And that got me through my childhood.
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  Speaker 3: And it worked. It was the best, you know, we're brilliant, literally.
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  Speaker 3: At ages one, two, three years old, we come up
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  Speaker 3: with this program for getting love that will optimize the
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  Speaker 3: amount of love we can get in our life. through
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  Speaker 3: this family of origin situation we're in. But the problem
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  Speaker 3: is we get very attached to that program. And as
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: good as it was when you were a child, it's
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  Speaker 3: what's sabotaging you as an adult. Perfectionism as a child worked,
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  Speaker 3: perfectionism as an adult doesn't work. Controlling, controlling. You have
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  Speaker 3: to go back in and rediscover all the parts that
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  Speaker 3: you hid away so that you would be acceptable. All
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  Speaker 3: the things you stuffed into that inner cave, those aspects
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  Speaker 3: of yourself that you didn't feel were right or good
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  Speaker 3: or fitting or whatever. Now it's time to go back
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  Speaker 3: in and open that cave door and breathe into there
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  Speaker 3: and discover those parts and help them heal and reparent
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  Speaker 3: that inner child, if you will. And it's in that
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  Speaker 3: that you start to reconnect and get to know your
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  Speaker 3: true self. That's the hero or heroine's journey. That bold
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  Speaker 3: move to go to enter that cave that has the
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  Speaker 3: treasure that you've always looked for.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that enter the cave. I've been there.
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  Speaker 2: I had to enter that cave and go back.
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  Speaker 4: And relearn or reparent the inner child. And I think
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  Speaker 4: that once we discover those patterns and go deep into
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  Speaker 4: why we think we are who we are and the
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  Speaker 4: way that we are, that's when we have a choice
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  Speaker 4: to either stay that way or change for the better.
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  Speaker 3: And a lot of people choose to stay the way,
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  Speaker 3: you know, I talked to a guy just, it was
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  Speaker 3: just last week and he was recommended by somebody who's
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: done a lot of work with me. In fact, two
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  Speaker 3: people recommended him to come. And we had a good
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  Speaker 3: long conversation. And usually, because it's very easy for me
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  Speaker 3: to identify what the real issue is and how much
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  Speaker 3: it's costing them and what their life will look like
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  Speaker 3: if they move beyond that. And he saw it all.
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  Speaker 3: He got it all. He understood it all. And he
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  Speaker 3: just was not going to change. Wow. So, you know,
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  Speaker 3: I'm a guide. I'm not going to. drag them down
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  Speaker 3: the path of self-discovery, you know, you can guide them
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  Speaker 3: down the path, but if somebody's not ready, then, you.
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  Speaker 2: Know, it's, it's, yeah, it's, it's, it's pointless. They have
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  Speaker 2: to be ready. And I had to be ready when
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: I went on my journey. And that's the thing.
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  Speaker 4: If you're not willing to do the work, it's, it's pointless.
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  Speaker 4: Like you're, you're not going to grow.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: And I think you have to, you know, and I
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  Speaker 3: talk to people about it. I'll say, okay, so you know,
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  Speaker 3: when I'm in a discovery call, I'll literally say, okay,
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  Speaker 3: so here's the part where you really identify the level
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: of pain you're in. Here's the place where you identify
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: the gifts or the wonderful life you'd have if you
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: heal those pain, you know, because we have to see
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: and identify that pain. We have to identify, you know,
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: what it is our life would look like, you know,
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  Speaker 3: if we handle those things. And it It really only
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: takes a couple of months. It really does. That doesn't
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  Speaker 3: mean everything's done, but you can do the core work
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: within a couple of months if you get somebody who
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: knows what they're doing and guides you through that. And
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: that's where it all starts. It's that self-awareness and starting
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: to look inside of yourself for love rather than outside.
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  Speaker 2: Right. I love that.
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  Speaker 4: And we love talking about transformation after we've transformed. We
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: don't always talk about how uncomfortable transformation It.
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  Speaker 2: Is why it's happening.
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  Speaker 4: So why do you believe that people sometimes resist the
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: very change they say they want?
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: Well, they're so lost in their head and in all
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: their story and all their beliefs and in all their
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: limitations and all their fears that they just don't trust.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: And I get it. You know, I get it. I
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: was lucky. I was in so much pain, I didn't
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  Speaker 3: have any choice. I mean, literally. I mean, you know,
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: at the time, it was terrible. It really was. I
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: was suicidal. I was a big mess. I just got
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  Speaker 3: out of the Marine Corps, lost, you know, a couple
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: dozen friends. And, you know, so I was a mess.
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  Speaker 3: But hallelujah, because if I hadn't been, I would have
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: just stopped breathing and let my fear guide me into life.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: I would have gone after making money, not that I
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: haven't done well, but it would have been all about
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: the making money and all about the achievement and all about,
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: you know, impressing others so that I'm good enough and
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: they like me and all of those things. And I
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: would have got some hot chick who wanted me for
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: my money and that would have been my story.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 2: And it's so many stories like that.
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  Speaker 3: It's just, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: So many stories like that.
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  Speaker 3: And it's so unfulfilling. They aren't happy. I'm in a
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: 36-year marriage that is just the most precious aspect of
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: my life. Only because I've opened up my heart enough
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: to let her in and go on that journey with
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: her to see how much we can open up our
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: hearts and how deeply and fully we can love each other.
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  Speaker 3: That's a whole different thing than saving each other or
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: rescuing each other or persecuting each other, all the other
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  Speaker 3: games that go on.
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  Speaker 2: That's beautiful. Congratulations on that. That is beautiful.
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  Speaker 4: You work with entrepreneurs and executives. Can someone be highly
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: successful professionally while still operating internally from fear, insecurity, or
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: the need for validation?
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  Speaker 3: Absolutely. And I see it all the time. it's when
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: it stops working that they come to me. I mean,
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  Speaker 3: I've had multi-millionaires, multi-billionaires. I mean, I had a guy
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: with $ 16 billion and he'd, you know, worked his tail
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: off to get all of that money so that he'd
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: be lovable. Wow. As he and a lot of them say, well,
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  Speaker 3: that wasn't it. And it wasn't. You know, they... You
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: can do well, but the problem is, and it happens
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  Speaker 3: every call I'm on or every client that I have,
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  Speaker 3: they've done really well. They're smart as can be. They're
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: really impressively smart. But they reach that ceiling, that glass ceiling,
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: that metaphor that we talked about. And all of a sudden,
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: they're doubling down on what they've done. They're trying harder,
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: but they get more and more frustrated. All of a sudden,
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: You know, their relationships aren't working or people, you know,
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: team members are leaving, you know, because they're cranky. They're
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: in a bad mood. They're over their capacity. They can't
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: handle everything because they're trying to do it within that
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: limited structure of fear. And, you know, which means they're
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: doing a lot of left brain logical, you know, structured order.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: They're usually top-down controlling type leaders. And, you know, basically
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: that doesn't work anymore, especially in today's society. We've got
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: a lot of different kinds of folks doing a lot
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: of different kinds of things and awareness is up and
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: we don't put up with what we used to put
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: up with. And so, you know, you lose good people
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: and they aren't working together as a strong team if
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: you're not a good boss and that type of thing. So,
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: you know, it's really, it's a matter of, Yeah, they
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: come to me not because necessarily they want to earn
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: more money or be successful. Sometimes they do. Sometimes I
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: want to be, instead of a CFO, I want to
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  Speaker 3: be a CEO or I'm losing my partner and I
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: don't know what to do or whatever it is. But
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: all it is, is they have to get to know
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: themselves more. It's the same thing we were talking about.
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  Speaker 3: I guide them into that inner journey so that they
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: can re-access. What they do, you know, and even people
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: I've worked with for years, every time they come back
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: for a check-in, they've reached another level. And, you know,
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: all it means is congratulations, you've done really well, and
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: now you're ready to evolve.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: Congratulations, you've done really well, and now there's some different
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: parts of yourself in there that are ready to be
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: healed so that you can use, because you need those parts,
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: to expand and evolve in your life. So it's always
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: a get to, it really is. But everybody turns it
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: into a have to or I'm not going to. Wow.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that is so true.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah. And sometimes the hardest truth about growth is realizing
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: that the next version of our life require a different
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: version of us.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: Do you believe that people are stuck in themselves thinking
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: that the different version of themselves would not be what
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: everybody expect them to be? Are they worried about like
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: social society? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: I mean, you know, I'm different. I am, you know,
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: I'm not the kid I was in high school or
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: in college or at any point in my life because
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: I'm always evolving. And that's socially, that's, different yeah and
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: so you know fortunately my wife is on that same
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: journey with me so that it works but yeah you
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: are going to be different but i haven't seen one
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: example where different isn't better in other words you know
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: yes you you have to become a different person you
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: know in a sense it's really not you're becoming different
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: you're just becoming more whole You're just becoming more authentic.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: You're just loving and accepting yourself on a whole other level.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: So you're not at the effect of everything. You're not
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: being run by fear. You're being run by conscious opportunity
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: because you begin to see whatever's coming into your life,
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: you see the opportunity into it. Right. And so all
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: of a sudden you realize, oh, this is a rigged
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: game in my favor. Right. And then you start living
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: with gratitude. And then you start enjoying and trusting life.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: But it's a journey. It's a journey of getting to
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: those places. But it's a marvelous journey. It's the most
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: incredible journey you could possibly imagine.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: It is.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: From awareness to transformation.
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: And it has to be intentional on both, you know,
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: on the bigger, to get to the bigger picture.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: So to speak. Because it was... Healing is hard.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: Healing is hard. Let's just write that one down. It is.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: It is hard.
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: And I say that because I didn't always regard myself.
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: And now that I've gone through that transformation and done
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: the work, I find myself getting lonely at times because.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: What I used to put up with, I don't tolerate anymore.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: No.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: Those boundaries are there for a reason.
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: And, and I care so much about people that when
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: I don't feel like I'm getting the same care from
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: those people, I kind of shut down because I'm like, it's.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: Not ever, I don't know whether you have to shut down.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: You just happen to open. You just open up to more,
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: open up to more of who you are. You open
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: up more to what's available. You open up to, to
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: who you're worthy of being with and is worthy of
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: being with you. It's, it's, Love doesn't shut down. Love
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: opens up to, you know, whether it's a leader coming
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: in and that doesn't have the capacity to handle something.
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: All I'm doing is helping them clean up so that
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: they can increase their capacity to handle everything. You know,
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: if my wife and I through the years, you know,
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: are running into something, that's nothing but an indicator that
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: it's time to heal. So it's, you know, and lots
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: of times, certainly when I was working with couples, I'd
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: get people who would come in and they'd be in
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: the middle of it. And, you know, but they were
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: willing to sit, sit through it. They were willing to be,
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: be there together and work through it. Other couples, you know,
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: one wasn't. Right.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: You know, and, and, and so, you know, if no,
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: if one's not willing to play, If one's not willing
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: to be responsible and look deeper and get to know
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: each other, then it's not going to work. Right. And
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: you shouldn't wait for that person. You shouldn't commit your
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: life to that person because they're just going to hold
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: you down to that level of self-acceptance and love. You're
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: never going to know who you are if you're in
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: a relationship that isn't growing because it's a part of
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: your life. Yeah, it's crucial. Yeah.
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: Growth is eternal. We all should strive to be growing
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: in some aspect or another. Because what is the alternative?
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: Well, and I watch it. I mean, I'm getting to
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: a place in life where I'm only realizing, to be
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: quite honest with you, I'm going to be 80 in
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: a few months.
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: Really?
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: I never would have guessed that.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: Well, I get a lot of that, especially lately. And
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: so I'm realizing, oh, this personal growth stuff works because
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: I breathe into and through things, because I'm always on
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: that evolving aspect of life, because I'm interested and I'm
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: growing and I'm wanting to learn and develop. That affects
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: your health because of your breathing. You have the oxygenation,
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: the fuel supply to take care of things. If you're moving,
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: I mean, as I was sharing with you earlier, I
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: just got back from the gym and, you know, I
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: do that. And on the other days we walk. And so,
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: you know, you've got to use it or lose it basically,
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: you know, in terms of your body and in terms
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: of your mind too. You know, I watched my mom
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: go downhill. My dad died and they were like just
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: madly in love. They really were. And so without him, she,
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: you know, who am I? What, what am I doing here?
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: You know, and, uh, So, you know, she, you know,
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: went through Alzheimer's and that whole journey, you know, unfortunately
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: she did it well because she'd been working in a
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: care facility and then she was in the care facility
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: and she thought she was just working there still. So,
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: you know, it became this, you know, she became this
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: little angel that walked around and helped everybody. But You know,
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: she didn't know who I was. She knew I was
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: somebody who cared about her and she cared for her.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: She had no idea who I was in terms of
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: her son or anything like that. And so everything that
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: causes that brain to deteriorate, it's really the same pattern
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: as what causes your body to deteriorate. You're not using it.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: You're not eating well.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: You're not breathing well. You're not, you know, our brain uses,
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: I think it's like 20 or 30 percent of our energy.
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: And so you have to be breathing so that it
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: has the energy. Otherwise it'll develop black and build up
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: and won't have the circuitry to allow connection that you
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: need to continue to function.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: So pretty straightforward stuff, you know, but a lot of,
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: you know, I remember in chiropractic school, I did a,
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: research on death and dying. I don't even remember why
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: I did that. But, you know, I clearly saw that
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: eight out of the top reasons, top 10 reasons people
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: die are really lifestyle choices. You know, in other words,
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: they're literally subconsciously or consciously, and I discovered really a
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: lot of them are conscious, they're committing suicide. You know,
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: they're smoking or they're drinking. You know, I've got a neighbor.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: I love him. But he sits there and drinks his wine,
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: and he's got a beautiful view over the water. So,
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: you know, it's fun to join him from time to time. But,
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: I mean, that's his life. You know, we're the same age.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: He might not last that long. He's got this lovely wife, and,
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: you know, she can't do anything about it. But we're
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: all making choices. You know, my wife is, you know,
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: I met her in chiropractic school and she wanted to
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: get into a relationship. She's like 13 years younger than me.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: I'm going, no way that I, I don't want to
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: deal with that issues and all of that sort of
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: thing that come up in those kind of relationships. But
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: she went and she did the work and got that
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: all handled. And, you know, but, you know, I want
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: to be around, you know, you know, when, when she's 80,
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: I want to be healthy and conscious and part of
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: the team still. Right. But we have to make that choice.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. All about the choices. What is one truth about.
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: Being human that has remained constant with you?
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: That it's the most amazing experience you could ever possibly have.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: And I mean that. I... I won't even go into
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: some of the experiences spiritually that I've had. I mean,
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: being human, oh my God, there is just no limitations.
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: It's all, we have this, we have an elevator and
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: all you need to do is breathing is what takes
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: you into these different levels of consciousness. Right. And you
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: can become one with the universe or you can become,
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: you know, down here and work and live in the
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: world and do whatever. But, But we have access to
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: any and all of that. And, you know, it's a matter,
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: the quieter your mind, the better your life. And I,
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: you know, my more advanced work that I do is really,
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: I call it big mind. And one of my mentors,
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: Buckminster Fuller, showed me about this. And it was basically like, yeah, meditating,
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: I could go into this quiet place. But what he
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: showed me is from that quiet place, you can also,
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: what he called, ask the universe for anything. So if
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to solve something or I'm in the middle
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: of a speech as he was when I saw him
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: do this the first time, he just stopped and looked up,
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: kind of did a download and then went on. I
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: was 27, he was about 86. 250 business people in
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: front of me. And I was very unconscious with that
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: big pause, but it was perfect. It really was. And so,
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: you know, I started using that in my counseling. I
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: stopped trying to think of what to say next or
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: what to have them do next. And I just sat
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: there and quiet my mind. And with the intention of
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: whatever most supportive for them, that's what we'll do. That's
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: what will come through. And I'll tell you, all of
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: a sudden, the wisdom starts coming through, you know, that
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: universal wisdom, if you will. But I mean, now science,
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: they know how it works. You know, before I was like, well,
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: I better not talk about that because it's woo-woo or something. But,
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: you know, but now they know that the different brain frequencies,
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: they're literally, when you're in that quiet state, you have,
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: there's a bridge that goes across them. There's a, called
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: the alpha bridge. Then you're not just dealing with one frequency,
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: say your meditation or your thinking or your sleeping. You're
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: accessing the best of all those frequencies. And so, you know,
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: if you're a CEO, if you're not doing that, you're exhausted.
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: You're burned out. You're burning out your people. Right. And
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: the people who go through this work and get to
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: that level, they're increasing their personal and their.
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: Their organizational productivity by at least 50% and their profits
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: by the 50% too. And to be quite honest with you,
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: some are so far beyond that 50%, but it's, you know,
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: can't really talk about it.
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. I love that.
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: And I could talk about this with you all day
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: long because I'm a nerd and I like this type
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: of stuff.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: So thank you.
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: And you have actually said something that really, I was
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: in a funk today. I'm just going to tell you.
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: Before our episode, I was in a big funk. My
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: computer shut down. It would not restart. Everything that I did,
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: it kept freezing up and I was just annoyed. I
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: was like, I have things to do. Let me stop
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: doing this. And so I was just irritated. And having
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: this conversation, when I came home, I just turned everything off.
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: I came home and here we are. And now just
• 30:14
  Speaker 4: listening to you, seeing that smile and the way that
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: you're passionate about the things that we have talked about
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: has really changed the direction of of me allowing something
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: like a computer to get me so unkept that I
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: could have said, you know what, Dr. Ron, I cannot
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: do it today. Let's see if we can reschedule. But
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: I try not to do that to people because I
• 30:39
  Speaker 4: don't like it being done to me. So I'm grateful
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: for the experience that we are having today. And some
• 30:46
  Speaker 4: of the things that you have said, I've been taking
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: notes and writing down. So I'm going to go back
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: and reread those, meditate on them. Cause I meditate and
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: I ground a lot. It has helped me become a
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: better version of myself.
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah. If you're not breathing fully, you're not living fully. Right.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: I love that. And I want to ask, Oh, go ahead.
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: Let me, this is worth injecting here.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: Even in my rude way there. It's like whenever something
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: comes up like that, when you're having a difficult moment, it's,
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: that is nothing but another indicator that something's ready to
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: be healed, that you're ready to evolve.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: I never looked at it that way.
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: And once you really understand that, then you, instead of
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: clenching down, you breathe and look more deeply into it.
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: And when you open up and breathe, you're going to notice, oh,
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: that's what that is. That's what's underneath that. That's what
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: I need to heal. Okay. And I mean, it's just
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: another gift and the gifts just keep on coming. It
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: doesn't mean life isn't challenging. It just means that all
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: those challenges are opportunities. Right.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: I love that. Thank you. I would definitely be doing
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: that from now on.
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: Different perspective.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: I love a different perspective.
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: And that just made so much more insight for me.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: Oh, wow.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: That is inspired.
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: So I want to ask this question and it's in
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: our mic drop segment. And I want you to just
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: finish the sentence. Real transformation begins when?
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: When you're willing to breathe and become more self-aware. I
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: love it.
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: Before we go, tell everyone how they can connect with you,
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: learn more about your work and find your books.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: Well, I think just going to the website is the
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: easiest because everything's there. You know, the free stuff, the
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: the good stuff, the instructional stuff. So just go to ronstotts,
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: S-T-O-T-T-S dot com and it's all available. I've got a
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: new book I'm really excited about to be honest with you.
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: It's coming out and it's becoming a world class transformational coach.
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: And I put literally everything in that book from A
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: to Z with all the examples and a 30-day program
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: that they can do on their own because you can
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: only help people as much as you know you can
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: only go as deep as you've gone yourself right and
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: so yeah it's you know i see so many people
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: out there you know the big celebrity types that are
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: on the stage going oh and my problem is yeah
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: and identifying the problem doesn't solve the problem that just
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: you know you wear it to get accolades or acceptance
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: or something. But then to go down and really do
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: that healing makes all the difference in the world. I mean,
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: I've had multiple people who were high-level executives become coaches
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: because they saw how meaningful it was. And so this
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: book was really written for all of us. And I
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: say us because I've learned a lot from doing it.
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: Well, I cannot wait. When can we expect the book?
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Is it coming soon?
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: Well, it's coming very soon. I'm actually just in the
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: final edits. And so I would say within a month
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: it'll be out. Nice.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: And all of this information will be included in the
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: show notes. So you can go to Dr. Ron's website
• 34:30
  Speaker 4: and find out more information about him as.
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: Well as the book. as well as all the books
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: that he has on there. And he said he has
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: some freebies on there. So I don't sleep on that.
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: And they're helpful. They really are. They can get you going. Yes.
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: All right.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: So final question.
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 34:46
  Speaker 4: When life challenges you and love stretches you, what mindset
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: keeps you grounded?
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: Just that absolute trust in the perfection of the universe
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: and that everything that comes to me is impeccably designed
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: to support me and open up my heart and growing.
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: And so whatever it is, I breathe. That doesn't mean
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: I don't go rah, rah, rah. But yeah, I just
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: trust it. And on my journey, it gets easier and
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: easier and easier. I breathe automatically. So there's a lot
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: less stress, a lot less struggle, a lot less Life
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: is really exciting. I mean, I'm going through a new
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: phase right now. I'm blown away by how excited we
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: are about what's going on in our life. Nice.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: Well, I love to hear it. And Dr.
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: Rohn, I want to thank you for being a guest
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: on Kicking It With Kiki. This has been an amazing conversation.
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: And Again, you just don't know how much you have
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: poured into me in a positive way. After this conversation,
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: I will be carrying some of the things that you
• 36:03
  Speaker 4: said into my life because I want to look just
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: like you when I get ready to turn 80. For real,
• 36:13
  Speaker 4: I would have never guessed that.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: When I looked at your photo, I was like, okay, Dr.
• 36:19
  Speaker 4: Roy, he's very handsome.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: But seeing you on this screen, it's like it did
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: not do you justice at all. Just wanted to tell
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: you that, you know.
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: So I thank you again for pointing to my listeners.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: Thank you for being here. And to everyone.
• 36:36
  Speaker 4: Who's listening, growth isn't always about becoming someone new. Sometimes
• 36:41
  Speaker 4: it's about becoming conscious enough to recognize what you've been carrying,
• 36:47
  Speaker 4: what you've been repeating. and what you finally give permission
• 36:52
  Speaker 4: to release. So until next time, keep choosing growth, keep
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: choosing yourself, and keep paying attention to the mindset you're
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: bringing into your life, love, and everything in between. So
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: purple hugs, and thank you for tuning in. Later.
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: Thank you, everybody.
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: Thank you.