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JUST JENNIE: Kids are Back to School, Now Back to YOU! · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: back to I Choose Me. How is this possible, you guys?
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Summer is over. My girls are all out of school now. Well,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I still have the one in college, but that's a
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: whole different situation. I remember how much I hated when
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: summer break would end. Some parents are pretty much giddy
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: when the kids go back to school, which I get.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: You know, the grind. It's a lot. But I absolutely
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: loved when my girls were home. I still do. Nevertheless,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: it is happening once again. The alarms are being set earlier.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: The calendars are filling up at lightning speed. And the
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: easy rhythm of summer gives way to the hustle and
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: the bustle of carpools, homework, and all the school activities.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: In the middle of all that chaos, it is so
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: easy to just go on autopilot. You know what I mean.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: The super mom who packs the lunches, signs the permission slips,
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: and makes sure that everyone gets where they need to be.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I know I was that mom. But in the middle
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: of all that doing, I've learned something really important. Sometimes
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: We have to stop and we have to ask ourselves,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: who am I in the middle of all of this?
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: You hear me talking a lot about choosing yourself every
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: week here. And I've noticed that for a lot of moms,
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: that phrase feels complicated, even impossible sometimes at this stage
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: in life. Like if you focus on your own needs,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: you're somehow failing your kids. But I'm here to tell
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: you from the bottom of my heart, that is not true.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: being a devoted and loving mother and choosing yourself are
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: not mutually exclusive. They are actually two sides of the
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: same coin. When I take care of myself, when I
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: honor my own needs, my own dreams, my own mental health,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I show up as a better mother. I'm more patient.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: I'm more present. I have more to give. So today
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: in the middle of the rush, I want to take
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: a moment to reflect with you. I want to share
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: some thoughts from my own messy, beautiful, imperfect journey of
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: motherhood because I've learned, kind of the hard way, that
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: you don't have to disappear inside the role to be
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: a great mom. The best thing you can do for
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: your kids is be an example of a woman who
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: knows who she is, who knows that she is whole,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: on her own. And that isn't something I did at first.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I completely lost myself and had to work so hard
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: to get back to knowing me. I'm going to share
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: a chapter of my book, I Choose Me, Chasing Joy,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Finding Purpose, and Embracing Reinvention. That is very dear to
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: my heart. Chapter 12, the mother of all roles, because
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: My girls are the best gift that I've ever been given,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: and here's what I've learned. There are some days when
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: I think without question that being a mom is the
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: thing I am best at, truly. Out of everything I've
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: done in my life, all of the roles I've played
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: on camera and off, motherhood is the one that feels
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: the most natural, the most rooted in who I am.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: On those days, I feel steady. confident, like I was
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: built for this. And then there are the other days,
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: plenty of them, when I wonder if I'm completely screwing
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: it all up. I think, am I failing them? Am
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: I doing more harm than good? Will they look back
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: and remember the chaos, the mistakes, the times I fell short?
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I love them so fiercely it hurts. And still there
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: are moments I lie in bed hoping that somehow They
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: make it out of their childhood unscathed. I know they
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: have scars. I see them in the way they manage
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: difficult feelings or personal challenges. Being a mother doesn't come
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: with guarantees. It doesn't come with a script. It's the
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: most important role I have ever had and yet it's
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: the one I'm always rewriting every day. I show up,
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: I give what I have, and I pray that it's enough.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: And when it's not, I recommit to doing better, listening more,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: and finding new ways to parent. From the moment I
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: found out I was pregnant, something shifted in me. I
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: remember sitting in the car, looking at the father of
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: my children. He was 21 years old. I took a
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: deep breath and I told him, I'm pregnant. We are
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: having a baby. Well, I am. No matter what you
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: say or do, this baby is coming into this world.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: If you're in, great. If you're out, I'll still be okay.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: I was calm and clear, and I was 100% certain
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: of what was right for me and the baby inside
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: of me at that moment. That was the first time
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: I really fully used my voice, and it was powerful.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: That was the moment I knew my life was about
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: to become something bigger than me, something intentional, something with
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: real purpose. Looking back now, I see that moment as
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: a seed. One of the first tiny sparks of the
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: woman I would slowly grow into. The mother. The advocate.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: The protector. The voice of reason and of love. I
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: had no idea what was coming. Not the incredibly hard work.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Not the complications. Not the heartbreak. Or the deep, overwhelming joy.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: But I knew one thing for sure. I was ready
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: to have this child. I was already a mom. Being
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: a mom has been the most grounding role of my life,
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: and not just because of the deep love I have
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: for my daughters, but because of the strength they awaken
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: in me. They pull something out of me. A version
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: of myself that is fiercely loyal, deeply tuned in, and
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: capable of showing up even when I feel completely empty.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: They don't always realize it, but they have been my fuel,
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: my compass, my greatest teachers. Parenting has never been about
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: getting everything right. It's about showing up with love, with boundaries,
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: with honesty. It's about creating a space where your kids
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: feel safe to grow into themselves, knowing they're supported every
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: step of the way. Even when they act like they
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: don't understand. Sorry, one more time. Even when they act
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: like they don't notice, they do. And they'll remember that
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: you showed up. I'm the first to admit that I
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: mess up sometimes. I've looked my daughters in the eye
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: and said, guys, it's my first time too. I've never
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: been a parent at this moment before. I have no
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: idea what I'm doing. So let's figure this out together.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: I've never tried to pretend that I'm a perfect mom,
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: not to myself and not to my girls. They've seen
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: me lose my patience. They've seen me cry rivers. They've
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: seen me get it wrong. And I think that's one
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: of the most powerful things I can offer them. The
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: truth that life will challenge you, that I'm human. I
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: want them to know that you can make mistakes, apologize, repair,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: and still be a strong, loving parent. I want them
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: to grow up with the understanding that being vulnerable doesn't
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: make you weak. It makes you honest. As much as
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I've had to learn to manage my own struggles, I've
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: also had to accept the ways in which I'm not
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: always the mom they expect or want me to be.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: And yet I've come to realize that being true to
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: myself even if it's not always what they hope for
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: in the moment, is just as important. I'm an introvert,
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: and I've never really been the kind of mom who
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: joins every group activity or who's desperately trying to click
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: with the other moms at school. That wasn't my thing.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: And at times, my girls didn't love that. They wanted
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: me to fit in, to socialize more, to blend into
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: their world in a way that felt right to them.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: But I can't be someone I'm not. I've tried my
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: best to put myself out there because it's what they want.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: And they've done their part in coming to terms with
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: the fact that I'm just built a little differently. Isn't
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: it fun when you learn your parents are humans? I
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: like to think that I'm showing them what it looks
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: like to be true to yourself, even when it's uncomfortable,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: even when it might temporarily disappoint someone you love, because
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day, I want them to
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: do the same. I want them to know it's okay
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: to honor who you are and to love others fully.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: while doing it. There's a line from a Taylor Swift
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: song that hits me in the gut every time I
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: hear it. You're on your own, kid. You always have been.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: It's haunting and it's true in the deepest sense because yes,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: We're all on our own. We come into the world
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: with our own soul, our own wiring, our own journey.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: And no matter how much we love or are loved,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: no one else can walk it for us. That's a
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: truth I've learned as a woman and one that I
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: try to hold gently as a mother. When we stop
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: expecting someone else to complete us, rescue us, or define us,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: whether it's a partner or a child, a friend, we
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: can start to truly thrive. Let go of the pressure
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: we quietly place on others to fill something inside of
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: us that only we can fill. I don't want my
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: daughters growing up thinking love means self-sacrifice or that their
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: worth is measured by how needed they are. I want
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: them to know they are whole just as they are
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: and that relationships, whether romantic, or maternal or anything in between,
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: should be places where they feel more themselves, not less.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: So when I say you're on your own, kid, I
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: hope that I'm inspiring them to own their power and
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: their freedom. You belong to yourself. You have everything you
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: need inside of you. You get to choose the people
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: who walk beside you, but no one else holds the map.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: And that's a beautiful thing. I used to think that
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: being a mom meant knowing what was best and making
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: sure my kids stayed on the path I imagined for them.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: But the truth is, your kids are not extensions of you.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: They are not here to finish your story or fix
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: your past or even fulfill what you thought life would
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: look like. They're not blank slates waiting for you to
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: write the right words. They're whole people with their own instincts. desires, fears,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: and strengths from the very beginning. It's easy to project
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: our dreams, our fears, and expectations onto them, but no,
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: they need the space to become who they are meant
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: to be. One of the biggest shifts for me was
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: letting go of the idea that their path is a
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: reflection of mine. Instead, I've started to see it more
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: like this, Just like in a romantic relationship, the circle, square,
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: circle model applies. They have their own circle and I
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: have mine. And together we create a square, this sacred
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: space where we connect, we share values and build trust.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean we overlap completely. They are their
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: own people and I have had to learn to honor that.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: I'm still learning how to do it well. It's not
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: always easy. I have my moments where I want to
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: jump in and steer, correct, fix. I catch myself projecting, well,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: if you had just done it this way, it would
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: be easier. But that's my voice, not theirs. And if
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I'm really listening, I can hear the quiet strength in
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: who they are becoming, even when it looks different from
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: what I imagined. I've found that when I respect their space,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: They invite me into it more often. When I stop
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: trying to fix things for them, I get to witness
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: something better. They're becoming. And that's the kind of love
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: I want them to feel. Steady, curious, unconditional. Not because
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: they followed a path I laid out, but because I
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: kept walking beside them, cheering them on as they found
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: their own. When it comes to giving advice, I don't
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: sugarcoat things. I give them my honest, straightforward feedback. And
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: I never lie to my girls, not to protect their feelings,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: not to soften the blow. Because of that, sometimes they
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: don't come to me first. But I've made peace with that.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: They know when they do come to me, they'll get
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: the truth. Loving, thoughtful, but real. I don't always have
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: all the answers. but I can provide a different perspective.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: When you're a little removed from someone else's situation, it's
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: easier to see things they might not. You notice patterns
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: they're too close to to recognize, especially when it comes
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: to love. One of my daughters started dating a boy
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: when she was just 15. She met him on her
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: first day at a new school, and I had a
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: gut feeling right away. Teenage love often feels all-consuming and
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: high stakes and impossible to walk away from. And I
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: told her she was too young to date him, that
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: the relationship was going to cost her more than she realized.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: But she was young and crushing hard. I get it.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: It's easy to get carried away. They dated behind our
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: backs for a while, and that just-a-phase boyfriend ended up
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: stretching across her freshman sophomore and junior years. When she
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: was a senior, instead of soaking in what should have
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: been one of the most joyful and fun seasons of
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: her life, she was distracted, stressed, and preoccupied with him.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I've watched her spend too much of her precious time
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: worrying about someone who simply wasn't worthy of her energy.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: And still, I don't shame her. I sit in her
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: pain beside her, I stay honest. I tell her what
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I see. I remind her what she deserves. And I
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: do my best not to project my own past or
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: pain onto her. I didn't have this kind of open,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: engaged parenting growing up. By my own choice, I think.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: But I want to have that with my girls. I
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: think as moms, we need to be brave enough to
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: say the hard things and soft enough to still be
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: a safe place to land while learning how to do
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: better every step of the way. I want my kids
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: to always feel safe coming to me. There are times
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: in my life when I could have used some tough feedback.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Take my first marriage to my ex, the drummer, for example.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: As Randy tells it, he and Aaron Spelling were sitting
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: together at my wedding, but when the officiant got to
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: the line and is there anyone here who objects? Erin
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: leaned over to Randy and whispered, are you going to
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: say something or am I? They saw it. They knew
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: it wasn't right for me, that I was making a
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: decision based on a lot of emotions and fears. They
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: didn't think that true love was a part of it,
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: but nobody said anything out loud. Looking back, I don't
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: think there was any stopping me. I was determined. And
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: I think my friends and family could see that. My
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: parents were there, and if they felt concerned, they were
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: gracious enough to let me make my own decisions. I
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: don't know if that's what I would do as a
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: mother if one of my girls rushed into a marriage
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: at a young age, but I respect that my parents
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: thought they were doing the right thing. I'm the kind
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: of mom who lovingly challenges them, who encourages them to
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: stay clear-eyed and steady even when they think they're in love.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Not because I don't trust them, but because I know
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: how easy it is to lose yourself when no one
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: else is holding up a mirror. Here's what I'm learning.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: My kids don't complete me. I'm already whole. I've done
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: a lot of work to get to this place of wholeness,
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: to be my own circle, building a beautiful, loving square
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: with each of my daughters, Luca, Lola, and Fiona, have
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: added to my life in the most extraordinary, wondrous ways.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: They've stretched my heart and reshaped my priorities. But I've
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: learned not to disappear inside of motherhood. That's not what
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: they need from me. And that's not what I want
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: to model for them. It's so easy to get lost
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: in the role, to pour everything you have into your
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: children and leave nothing for yourself. I don't want my
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: daughters to lose themselves in motherhood one day. I don't
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: want them to believe they have to put every need, desire, dream,
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: and instinct on hold just because they've become someone's mom.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: With the space and grace of growing children, I'm learning
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: to step back and bring my best, most fulfilled, centered
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: self to our relationships. Instead of just telling them to
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: prioritize themselves, I try to show them what that actually
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: looks like. I make space for the things that light
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: me up. I speak when I need a break. I
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: work on my mental health. I work out. I say no.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: I take care of myself in front of them, not
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: quietly in the background, but out loud, intentionally, because I
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: want them to see that you don't stop being you
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: just because you become a mom. You get to do both.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: When I take care of myself, I show up better
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: for them. When I chase my goals, I teach them
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: not to be afraid of their own ambition. When I
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: set boundaries, I show them what self-respect looks like. That's
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: the legacy I want to leave behind. Not just that
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: I love them endlessly, which I do, but that I
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: loved myself too. I want my daughters to know that
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: following your dreams while raising a family isn't indulgent. It's powerful.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: I want them to grow up watching a mother who
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: still listens to her own voice, who still pursues what
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: excites and challenges her, and who doesn't abandon herself in
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: the name of being everything for everyone else. We feel
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: our feelings in my house, in part because I've done
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: the work to be confident in having my emotions, and
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: so I'm able to encourage my daughters to feel and
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: express their feelings, good, bad, or ugly, They know so
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: much about me and my vulnerabilities, my strengths, my weaknesses,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: the obstacles that I've overcome in my life. They've seen it.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: They know it all because we're very, very close. That closeness,
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: the raw, honest, emotional kind has created a bond built
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: on truth and the freedom to be fully ourselves with
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: each other. But sometimes it's I've worried that I've been
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: too open and messy in front of them. The year
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: Dave and I separated when divorce seemed inevitable was one
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: of the lowest points in my life. I was falling
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: apart at the seams and Luca was old enough to
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: see it all. She saw her mom unraveling, numbing, trying
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: to hold it together and failing. I was drinking too
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: often and looking for escape. I was trying to hide
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: from anyone who could see my pain. Luca wasn't okay
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: with it, and she let me know. Looking back, I
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: think that might have been one of those moments when
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: she realized her mom is human and makes mistakes. Fiona
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: saw it too, maybe more deeply than I even realized
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: at the time. She wrote me a song about witnessing
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: my heartache. She played it over and over for me,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: and I have it saved on my phone. It still
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: makes my heart bleed. It still brings me to tears.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: I let my daughters see more of my rawness and
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: vulnerability than I ever intended. There was no way to
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: hide my heartbreak from them. That was a moment in
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: my parenting I'm not proud of. I knew it then.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: I still know it now. There was one night, one
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: of those nights, that sticks in your kids' memories forever.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: We were playing hide and seek in the house and
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: I had had too much to drink. I thought I
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: was just being silly, hiding in strange places, laughing too loudly,
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: but they noticed. They still talk about it and sort
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: of laugh it off, but I can tell it stuck
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: with them. At the time, I didn't realize that polishing
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: off a bottle of wine in a night wasn't normal.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: I just couldn't look at things objectively then, but the
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: thing I come back to now And what I hope
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: they take from it is that if you're heading down
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: a road that doesn't feel right, you can change course.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: You can stop. You can get help. You can start over.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: And that's exactly what I did. I still wrestle with
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: questions like, did I show them too much? Were they
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: exposed to too many of my flaws or my real
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: raw moments? But then I look at who they are now,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: their empathy, their strength, their ability to hold space for others.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: And I think maybe not. Maybe seeing the truth, even
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: when it was messy, taught them something valuable. That mistakes happen.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: That healing is possible. That growth is real. And that
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: their mom isn't perfect, but she's honest. And she's always
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: working to be better. Motherhood doesn't ask you to lose yourself. Actually,
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: It asks you to find yourself over and over again
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: through every season, every shift, every version of who you become.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: I want my girls to witness that. I want them
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: to know it's not only okay to evolve, it's necessary.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: And that doesn't take anything away from your family. If anything,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: it makes the love you give richer, deeper, and more
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: rooted in truth. Motherhood requires so much more than love
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: and nurturing. It calls on a deep, instinctive drive to
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: protect and advocate. There are moments when being a mother
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: means stepping into unfamiliar territory, speaking up and standing firm
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: because your child needs you to be their fiercest supporter,
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: even when it's hard. It's strange how the hardest chapters
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: often begin in the middle of of what seems like
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: ordinary life. We were in a season of joyful chaos,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: the kind that comes with three young kids and a
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: calendar full of school, sports, snacks, and sleepless nights. Life
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: felt full, sometimes overwhelming, but good. Luca was 10 years old,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Lola was five, and Fiona was about a year and
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: a half. Soccer games, squeezing in some travel, trying to
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: live out that picture-perfect version of family life. At the time,
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: we had no idea what freight train was about to
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: hit us. We took a family trip to Disneyland, a
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: seemingly idyllic outing for our young family. Fiona was still
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: in a stroller, of course, but Lola, who had always
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: been full of energy, a little raggedy doll running around
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: free in a pink floor-length satin skirt, She just didn't
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: want to walk. She was tired the whole time. She
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: kept saying, carry me over and over again. And I
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: was like, come on, honey. I've got a baby here.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: You're a big girl. You can walk. I told her
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: to suck it up, basically. But eventually, I gave in.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: I either held her in my arms or pushed her
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: in the stroller for the rest of the day. It
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: was a little strange that she was so low energy
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: in Disneyland. I started to get concerned. Over the next
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: few days and weeks, her spark started to fade. There
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: was always a light behind her eyes, fun, fiery little
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: girl energy that suddenly wasn't there anymore. One day it
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: became apparent that something wasn't right. Then came the welts
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: on her torso, her thighs, and soon they covered her
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: whole body. We rushed her to Children's Hospital in LA,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: where we stayed for 10 days. The doctors didn't know
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: what was going on, so they began testing for everything.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: Scarlet fever, lupus, leukemia, cancer, test after test. They poked
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: and prodded her every hour. They put her on meds
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: to sedate her for MRIs, for scans, for biopsies. They
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: took a lymph node. They took bone marrow. It was relentless.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: Everything terrifying you've ever heard of and suddenly need to
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Google at 2 a.m. And every single test came back negative. Meanwhile,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: my sweet girl was getting worse. The welts were spreading.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: She was lethargic. Her little body was shutting down and
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: no one had any answers. My five-year-old daughter, back in
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: diapers because she couldn't get up to go to the bathroom,
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: was enduring levels of pain. and fear that no child
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: should have to go through. And as her mom, standing
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: there powerless, it was soul crushing. Then out of nowhere,
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: a family friend, our older daughter's soccer coach, mentioned he'd
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: heard of something like this before. He gave us the
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: name of a specialist. By that point, it was just
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: before Christmas, and I was so burned out and frustrated
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: with the hospital's lack of progress, I decided we were done.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: We took her home. And that's when we did what
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: every parent should do in a crisis. We became our
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: own researchers and our own best advocates. We followed the thread.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: We saw the recommended doctor and it led us to
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: a diagnosis. Still's disease, which is a rare form of
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: autoimmune juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. Finally, finally, we had an answer.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: It's a brutal disease when untreated. It can cripple joints,
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: distort limbs, and come and go throughout a person's life.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: But once we found the right specialist at UCLA and
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: got Lola started on treatment, the solution, ironically, wasn't complicated.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: It was steroids. strong ones, and constant monitoring, weekly blood
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: draws and tests, which after everything she'd been through was
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: its own kind of trauma. But compared to everything else,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: it was manageable and the worst part was behind us.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: Watching her come back to life was like watching spring
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: after a brutal winter. And when we heard the words,
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: in remission, I latched onto them like a lifeline. I
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: decided then and there, this is behind us. It's not
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: coming back. Of course, in the back of my mind,
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: I'm always listening, always watching for symptoms. When she doesn't
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: feel well, I still ask 30 questions. What hurts? Is
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: it your joints? Any rash? But then I stop myself,
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: I take a breath, and I flip the script. She's fine.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: We're fine. It's just a cold. Some Tylenol, and we
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: move on. Balancing a very sick child with two healthy
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: ones was one of the hardest seasons of my life.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Every parent who's been through it knows what I mean.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: You're pulled in all the directions, trying to show up
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: for each of them to protect without neglecting the others.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I didn't do it perfectly, but I did it with
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: everything I had. And I still look at her today, strong, vibrant, healthy,
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: and I think, you brave, beautiful girl, there is nothing
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: you can't handle. This was an unusually difficult time for
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: our family, but we stuck with it, and I unlocked
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: new strength in my motherhood journey. It taught me to
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: trust my instincts over institutions. And it showed me that
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: advocating for your child is an act of both love
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: and courage. Parenting isn't a job you ever fully master.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: It's a relationship that constantly changes. Just when you think
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: you've figured it out, your child grows, their needs shift,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: and you're learning all over again. The tools that worked
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: when they were five don't apply when they're 15 or 28.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: That's been one of the hardest lessons. for me, learning
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: to allow my mom's strategies to evolve alongside them. Parenting
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: through the teenage years and into early adulthood has stretched
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: me in new ways. It's always changing with their age,
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: their needs, their wants, their development, and their capacity to
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: understand things. I found that teens need you to be
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: there in quieter ways, listening more, guiding gently, and knowing
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: when to step back. or when to ask for help.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: I wasn't a typical teenager. I didn't go to college.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: I didn't have the experiences most people do. I started
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: working so young in such an unusual environment that I
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: honestly don't know what normal looks like at that stage
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: of life. So now as my daughters start stepping into
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: young adulthood, navigating things like careers, money, and planning for
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: the future, I sometimes feel like I'm catching up right
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: alongside them When it comes to financial planning or long-term logistics,
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: I'm the first to admit it's not my strong suit.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: I'm great at offering emotional support, perspective, intuition, but when
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: they need advice about money or big life structure stuff,
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: I send them to Dave or to their dad. I
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: want them to have the guidance they need, even if
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: it doesn't always come from me. That's part of being
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: a good parent too, knowing when to send them to
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: someone who can reach them when you can't. I stick
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: to nurturing and listening and being present with them as
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: much as I can. My girls are older now. They're
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: independent individuals, each of whom I respect deeply, and they're
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: building and discovering what works for them. We're sort of
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: like adult roommates, yet I still have to be present
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: as their mother to listen, to comfort, to advise them
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: whenever they let me. When you reach this point as
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: a mom, you begin letting go of all the daily
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: organizational and scheduling duties for your children. Instead, I turn
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: that energy to my needs. Some days it feels like
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: I focus exclusively on myself, setting a appointments, working, exercising,
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: cooking healthy meals. It's such a big change from caring
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: for my children that sometimes it feels selfish. I also
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: have more time to focus on my marriage and my friendships.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: But motherhood is forever. So even though this is a
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: big step toward their independence and a change in our dynamic,
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: it's one step in a lifelong relationship. And that's also
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: the reason why I decided to get healthier when I
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: had more time on my hands. I want to be
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: around for a long time for them, to watch them
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: become mothers themselves, and to be an active grandmother to
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: their kids. I don't want them to have to waste
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: their precious lives worrying and taking care of me. I
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: want to be strong and capable to keep taking care
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: of them. Raising kids in a world that feels wildly
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: different from the one you grew up in can feel
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: challenging to your instincts, your values, and your boundaries. My
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: kids are part of the LA world in a way
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: that I have never been. They were born here. It
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: seems like it's part of their DNA. Luca was born
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: in 1997, and I spent the first three years of
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: her life filming the end of 90210. She started coming
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: to set with me at just three weeks old with
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: our dear nanny, Nina, and I would spend every second
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: I wasn't filming with her in my trailer. When Lola
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: was born in 2002, I was filming the first season
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: of the WB sitcom, What I Like About You. I
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: felt less guilty about being away at that time, knowing
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: that she was home with her big sister, but they
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: both spent a lot of time on set with me.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: It was always a family affair, as much as it
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: could be. But now they're teenagers and young women navigating
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: a version of life I couldn't have imagined at their age.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: Lola has a very sweet friend who is a granddaughter
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: of a successful businessman and one of the richest men
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: in the world. I picked Lola up from a party
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: at a friend's house once, and it wasn't your typical
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: bowl of chips in the basement kind of thing. Their
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: house is a gated mansion. And it was basically like
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: going to a nightclub for teenagers in this huge house
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: with access to everything. The second she opened the car door,
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: I could smell the alcohol. She was 15. She plopped
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: into the passenger seat as if nothing were out of
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: the ordinary, but the smell on her breath gave her away.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: I looked at her and I said, um, I'm not
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: an idiot. I can tell you've been drinking. I came
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: down on her pretty hard. I made my point clear.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: This world we live in isn't normal. And she needed
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: to be more intentional about her decisions. Drinking, especially at
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: her age, doesn't lead to the best choices. Maybe the
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: whole incident had a positive impact on her because she
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: rarely drinks as an adult. When Fiona wanted to go
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: to Coachella, I was not feeling it. But she had
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: the resourcefulness to get her VIP backstage passes. and accommodations
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: paid for by a friend who was hosting a group
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: for the weekend. They stayed at an incredible house for
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: the weekend and walked around with unfettered access. I admired
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: her resourcefulness, but I also had a moment of whiplash.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: This wasn't the world I grew up in. These kids
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: drive Aston Martins. They go to parties and events that
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: I couldn't have dreamed of in high school. They know
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: they're privileged. Dave, bless him, had his own fish-out-of-water moments.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: He'd come home from school, drop off, and say things like,
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: You're not gonna believe who I just saw. Steve Carell. Or, wait,
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: was it Adam Scott? It always made us laugh, because
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: no matter how long we've lived in this Hollywood world,
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: we still feel like outsiders. And maybe that's been the
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: saving grace of it all. Fortunately, there are plenty of nice,
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: grounded kids and families in the mix, too. Fiona has
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: been in school for years with Jason Bateman's kids. She
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: did gymnastics on Monday afternoons with one of his daughters,
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: and they're still close friends. Dave would often take the
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: girls to school or school events, especially Fiona when she
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: was little, which led to quite a few funny moments.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: Like the time he was sitting with Jason at gymnastics
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: soon after we had gotten engaged, Jason leaned in and
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: asked him in a low voice, are you sure you're
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: ready for this? That moment still makes us giggle. It
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: was such a simple question, but it held so much
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: truth because no one could ever really be ready for
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: this life. Not completely. Blending a family, navigating fame, raising
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: kids in a world that doesn't always feel like reality.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: I didn't grow up with celebrity sightings at school pickup
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: or backstage passes to anything. I grew up in a
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: much simpler world. And even though my work eventually threw
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: me into being considered a celebrity, I never really felt
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: like I belonged to it. So raising kids inside it
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: has been one of the hardest and strangest parts of
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: my motherhood. There's a constant tug of war between wanting
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: your kids to enjoy being what they have, and making
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: sure they don't lose their grip on what really matters.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: I've always tried to instill values like gratitude, kindness, and humility.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: But the truth is, when your kid's social circle includes
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: the children of billionaires or A-list actors, you have to
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: work twice as hard to keep them grounded. My instincts
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: as a mom haven't changed just because the zip code has.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: I still say no sometimes. especially when I see other
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: parents saying yes to things that don't sit right with me.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: And sometimes that's hard because I know it makes me
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: that mom, the strict one, the outlier. But I'm okay
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: with that. I'd rather be the one who holds the
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: line than the one who lets it blur. My youngest
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: daughter has pushed me the most with her terrible fake
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: ID and sneaking into clubs meant for 20-somethings You'd be
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: floored to know how many 15, 16, and 17-year-olds are
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: filling LA nightclubs, their parents footing the bill for the
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: kind of table service required in this town. Those nights
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: have been my most sleepless, my deepest moments of worry.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: I've said no. I've said, as long as you're with
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: so-and-so who has a good head on her shoulders. And
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: then I've gone back to no over and over. My
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: older daughters see how I've loosened up and let things
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: slide that they never got away with, and it pisses
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: them off. And I get it. The bottom line is
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: that I'm learning and growing as a parent all the time.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: I still make mistakes, and I've had to get comfortable
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: with things I'm not comfortable with. But counting on the
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: fact that I've raised them right to communicate honestly and
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: to carry themselves responsibly in the world, I've had to
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: accept that that my role isn't to control every choice
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: they make, but to be there when they need me.
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: And just praying through the nights that they are safe
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: and come home in time for me to at least
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: get five hours of sleep. What's helped me the most
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: is remembering where I come from and sharing with them
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: the values that my own parents instilled in me. I
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: talk to them about the difference between access and entitlement,
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: about the importance of staying connected to people who see
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: them for who they are, not for what they have.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: We're raising kids in a world we don't quite relate to,
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: just like our parents felt with us. But maybe that's
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: the gift. We get to give them something different. But
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: even if we're raising them in the clouds, we still
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: know how to bring them back down to earth. Do
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: you know that phenomenon when you're driving the same route
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: to work every day? When you arrive, you can't even
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: remember how you got there, like you were on autopilot.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: That's your brain logging off during a mindless habit, but
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: also really eye-opening when you apply it to parenting. The
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: brain can tune out repeated experiences and you move through
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: the motions, packing lunches, folding laundry, managing carpool, and suddenly
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: days or even weeks have passed and and you realized
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: you weren't fully there for any of it. You showed
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: up physically, but you weren't always truly present. Motherhood, unlike
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: that boring car ride, isn't something to be missed. The
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: messy moments, the mundane routines, the fleeting conversations in the car,
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: those are the spaces where connection lives. And when we
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: tune back in, we get the chance to actually experience them.
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: not just survive them. Adding small moments of spontaneity, joy,
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: and new experiences to your routine can reawaken your connection
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: to daily life. Research shows that brains crave novelty. New
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: experiences activate the brain's dopamine system, the same reward circuit
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: that fuels motivation and pleasure and learning. This helps explain
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: why Novelty can feel energizing or even addictive. Engaging in
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: something new can elevate your mood and increase drive, which
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: is why even the small changes, like taking a new
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: route or learning a new skill, can shift your emotional state.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: So while routines are necessary, especially in parenting, finding ways
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: to break up routine and create small new experiences like
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: trying a new park, having a spontaneous dance party, and yes,
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: even occasionally skipping school here and there to do something
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: fun activates dopamine in both of you. If you need
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: to write a note to the school, tell them your
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: pal Jenny Garth suggested it. It makes even a routine
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: day feel exciting again. Even in the midst of the routine,
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: this is the heart of your life. The moments aren't
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: always big or polished moments. but they're yours and they're fleeting.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: Staying present, staying engaged, staying connected to joy. That's how
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: you don't miss it. That's how you make it count.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: One day, the house will be quieter and the carpool
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: line will be gone and you'll miss even the chaos.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: There's a deep sense of pride in parenting and knowing
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: I did that. I was a part of creating three
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: amazing young women. I helped shape these thoughtful, kind, complicated humans.
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: Watching them become who they are has helped me grow
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: into who I am too. The greatest gift has been
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: realizing that as much as I've guided my daughters, they've
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: been guiding me too. Teaching me resilience, humility, humor, and
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: a thousand different ways to see the world. They are
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: the mirrors in which I see both my flaws and
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: my beauty, my mistakes and my growth. Motherhood is full
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: of choices. How we nurture, when we let go, what
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: values we pass on, and which ones we release. Those
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: choices don't just shape our children, they shape us too.
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: The universal truth is that every mother, no matter her circumstances,
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: is constantly choosing between fear and trust, between control and surrender,
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: between who she was and who she is becoming. And
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: in those choices, our identity as mothers is formed. And
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: that's the end of chapter 12. So to all the
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: moms out there, especially during the back-to-school madness, I want
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: you to hear this. Take a breath. Give yourself permission
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: to pause. It's okay to need and to take a break.
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: It's okay to have your own goals. It's okay to
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: say no. It's okay to choose yourself. Remember, your kids
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: need you, yes, but they need the real you, the
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: whole you. Thank you so much for spending this time
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: with me. I would love to hear from you. How
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: do you take care of yourself in the midst of parenting?
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: Please drop a comment on Instagram at Jenny Garth or
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: at I Choose Me Podcast or leave me a voicemail,
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: you guys. This is new at 844-5-JENNY. That's 844-553-6643. Let's
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: remind each other that we don't have to lose ourselves
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: to love our kids. You're a great mom and I
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: love you.