Latest / MIDDLE GROUND - Real Conversations on Faith, Identity & Becoming — Through Brynne's LDS Lens of Curiosity, Love and Doubt / It's Not a Trial, It's Information: How Reframing Hard Things Changed Everything - Robyn Whitworth
Transcript
- Brynne Erickson (00:31) Hey everyone, today I am interviewing my friend Robin Whitworth. She is a mentor that I greatly admire and we're going to be talking about the concept of opposites and how everything has to have its opposite. And we did experience some internet lagging, so there is some crossover between our dialogue. So I hope that you can stick it out because this topic is so important and so helpful in navigating decisions. and experiences that we have in our lives. So thank you in advance for your patience and I hope you enjoy. Brynne Erickson (01:07) We're going to be talking about something that you've taught me so much about and has helped me tremendously in my life. And that is the concept of contrast. So we're talk about what contrast is and how it is helpful to better understand. So go ahead. Where do you want to start? Robyn Whitworth (01:10) I'm really happy to be here, this is fun. Let me just dive right in. So you're wanting me to share what contrast is when we talk about that word. Brynne Erickson (01:32) Yeah. Robyn Whitworth (01:40) Because I think that's interesting because a lot of people, unless they've been in our space or have listened to someone else that has used that word, it's not like a mainstream adjective to describe things that happen in life, right? You may have used words like hard things, challenges. Some people in Christian worlds will say trials. Brynne Erickson (01:42) Mm-hmm. I'd agree. Totally. Mm-hmm. Robyn Whitworth (02:10) when I was introduced to the word contrast, I think was about 2021. And when I first heard a mentor explained to me contrast as a way of looking at anything that is not my ideal, like things that I really, really wanted or expected or things that my values and beliefs say should be real for me. And yet there's these things that happen that I'm like, I don't love that. I wouldn't have chosen that. That's not, nope, no thanks. I don't like this feeling. I don't like this environment. don't like this person, like whatever it is. And when this mentor talked about that as just in contrast, it brought a sense of neutrality to my experiences that I could automatically apply because it was no longer this hard thing where the word hard gives us a feeling of, know, like, ⁓ this is, this is a struggle. This is a stressful thing. mean, what does hard mean to most people? And so when she's like, it's just in contrast. This is a contrasting event for you. And I'm like, my goodness. I really like that. I really like. Talking about things in the way of just saying this is in contrast to my ideal instead of it's hard, it's a struggle, it's a trial, trying to find meaning in why something like that should be here. Brynne Erickson (03:38) Yeah. And like, yeah, cause I so often, well, not so often, but I used to think like adversity, ⁓ adversary. like when it got hard, maybe sometimes, Ooh, and maybe we could talk about this. Maybe sometimes it was divinely given to me. Robyn Whitworth (03:48) Do you have any other thoughts on that particular point? Hmm. Brynne Erickson (04:07) And maybe you have thoughts on that too. Like how often, if not always or never are these trials or this contrast like given to us, or are they more just natural consequences like, or side effects from the choices that we've made or the outside influences around us? Robyn Whitworth (04:28) I love that question and I feel like that's really, really important for people of faith, especially because they do tend to use that kind of terminology. Like this was given to me, God gave this to me. And I think that if we read in Genesis and we're understanding when God says, I give you dominion over this experience. And we read further in the scriptures all over the place, this idea about being agents unto ourselves, acting unto ourselves, that we're in charge of our own feelings and happiness. We're supposed to take accountability for the moat that's in our own eyeball instead of the beam that's in something, right? These messages tell us, I'm in charge of everything I experience. Brynne Erickson (05:03) Mm-hmm. Robyn Whitworth (05:19) that God would never negate my agency. So everything that's happening somehow in some way is connected to my choice. And a of people don't want to take that level of accountability for their life. Yeah, in the New Testament somewhere, I don't know if it's Revelations or John, but he talks about the Book of Life, how all of us wrote that. And I think, okay, so God doesn't come down and write in my Book of Life. He gave me the opportunity To write the book of life. How fun so I think okay. Well, then he gave us the cars and the trees and you write all the elements to create the experience that we wanted to have and you know ⁓ When you talk about, know, it's adversary it's and I think you know, Jesus told us to learn and progress there would be opposition There had to be so that we could make a choice Brynne Erickson (06:07) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Hmm. That's a good point. You have to have options. So if there was only one option, there would be no point in choosing. I've actually never thought of it that way before. ⁓ Robyn Whitworth (06:18) If there was no opposition, we could never choose. Brynne Erickson (06:23) Yeah. Robyn Whitworth (06:23) And that is, if you study the scriptures, that was Lucifer's plan. That there wouldn't be choices. Everybody would just go down the thing. Everybody got an A, everybody got a trophy. nobody had to learn anything. We would all just go and have salvation just as, you know, the stamp of approval. So that's where I come around to, I don't believe that God gives us trials. Brynne Erickson (06:31) Mm-hmm. Robyn Whitworth (06:52) I just don't, I could never find anywhere in the scripture where God's like, yes, I will give men trials. Like that's just not found. They did say there would be opposition for our benefit of progress. And I go, oh, now that I understand agency and choice, that makes a lot of sense. Of course I'm going to experience hard things. I go, well, then where does it come from? And I go, well, Brynne Erickson (07:08) Mm-hmm. Robyn Whitworth (07:21) We're in an age where we now understand, psychology has explained to us that everything we're experiencing is our own perception. Brynn, you and I would see the same circumstance, but we would internalize it very differently. So a trial to you is not a trial to me. You know, and so contrast then is a personal experience. Brynne Erickson (07:26) Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Robyn Whitworth (07:46) It's something that just is against your beliefs, your ideals, your values, things that you've decided are important for you to experience. Something comes into your life and you're like, Ooh, this is against my ideal. This doesn't fit my values. This is so, so that's how I describe or understand contrast. That is just in contrast. Brynne Erickson (07:55) Mm-hmm. How do you recognize it? Like, what emotions do you experience or thoughts do you have when you're not in that alignment, when you have those moments of contrast of like, oh, I don't really actually agree with that, or, hmm, this isn't actually for me. Robyn Whitworth (08:29) Yeah, I think that that's so important for every person to realize because you can learn eyes. Learn and realize. You can learn when you're having what I now call a teachable moment. Right? We ask Heavenly Father, we ask God, we ask the universe, whatever you're subscribing to, to bring us new experiences we want. more money, we want another child, we want a different house, we would like a different car, we want a different career, we would like to heal our marriage, we would like clarity in our faith, right? We're asking for a new experience. Brynne Erickson (09:09) Yeah Robyn Whitworth (09:14) So it's interesting that so many people will experience contrast. And then long ago, before I understood all of this, I would experience feelings like hardship, struggle, disorientation, misunderstanding. I would take things personal. I didn't understand why somebody would treat me that way. I felt hurt. ⁓ And now I go, ⁓ I'll feel some of those things. but I have worked on my thoughts to where now I say, ⁓ I think this is a teachable moment. I'm learning something here. Brynn's teaching me something. My daughter's teaching me something. The car guy's teaching me something, because I'm feeling this feeling within me, and I've learned to say, it's not wrong, it's just new. It's not wrong, it's just new. And I can sit with it, and I have learned from the spirit, really sitting with the spirit, having a relationship with the spirit. Brynne Erickson (09:49) Hmm. Robyn Whitworth (10:13) to know when it's actually warning me against like adversary, like, no, there's like a bad spirit here. Like there's evil practices happening. That's different for me. I kind of get this dark, I don't know. I don't know how you would describe it, but just a real resistance to like, I walk in somewhere, like, I should not be here. My light can't even shine in this space versus walking in somewhere and I just feel a little discomfort. I feel like maybe a, Do I belong here? Is this okay? Again, it's not wrong, it's just new. Where I've learned to decipher and discern when things are actually like evil versus just new. Does that make sense? And so I get to realize if I've been praying for a new experience, just because it feels discomfort, discomfort, uncomfortable, new, you know what I mean? All those feelings of like, Brynne Erickson (11:07) Yes. Robyn Whitworth (11:09) This feels hard, I'm not good at it, should I stop? I just go, ⁓ this is just new. And didn't I ask for new? Brynne Erickson (11:19) Mm-hmm. Robyn Whitworth (11:20) It's just so many times I used to want it to be so linear. I wanted it to match so beautifully with my values and the things I already knew. And when it doesn't, I like, ⁓ this can't be right. This is too hard. This is too uncomfortable. This, this is, I didn't actually, I wasn't actually receptive to the level of progress and learning that the new thing I wanted was going to require. Brynne Erickson (11:42) Hmm. Yes. Yes. And I've thought about not necessarily for myself, but there are circumstances where I'll hear someone talking like, well, everything was just going wrong. So I took that as a sign that this wasn't for me or that this was not my path. Robyn Whitworth (11:49) You know? Brynne Erickson (12:09) So do you think there's ever a time where that contrast maybe does actually mean like this isn't for you? Robyn Whitworth (12:22) think you get to be really mindful. And I think for the future and right now, there is a lot of beauty in honing the skill of discernment. Really learning what that means, study that word, sitting in discernment with what you're doing and what you're experiencing. Because I do think there are times when you're doing something and it's just like, man, it's not about hitting roadblocks and that everything feels hard. More so, is this actually aligning with the intention for which I set out on this journey? Because we don't know, right? It's not linear. We might think, yes, I feel so inspired to go get a different degree, to get this different career, to have this different money, to solve these other problems, right? There's always, I always say, have you discerned what your sponsoring intention is? Because some people say, my kids deserve a better life. I'm like, nah, nah, nah. What's actually the sponsoring intention here? You really just want financial peace. Like you just want all your bills paid. Like there's something down here that's sponsoring all these other thoughts. And so if I'm going into the RN program and I'm going to go get this, you know, I'm going to become a nurse say, and it's just like, ⁓ man, I just didn't pass the NCLEX or whatever that test is that RNs have to pass or, know, these different. Brynne Erickson (13:43) Yeah, I have no idea. Robyn Whitworth (13:51) I'm probably slaughtering that whoever's becoming our animals, like that's not even right, you know, but I know there's certain milestones because education tends to want us to be very linear. And a lot of us grew up in a school system like that. And so we expect like, well, there has to be an obvious next step. It has to be this way. But I do think that if you go along this path and it's just like, it's becoming rigid. Brynne Erickson (14:01) yeah. Robyn Whitworth (14:19) I'm no longer available for my family. I'm stressed out and tired all the time. You can go, okay, the root of this was financial peace for my family. And I think that this is actually ruining my peace. that I'm more informed about what this actually will look like, because you didn't know before, you would have made a different choice, right? That's why I always say every choice you make is the right one with all the information that you had, or you would have made a different choice. Brynne Erickson (14:37) right? Robyn Whitworth (14:50) So you go, okay, I chose this, but it's actually showing me the more that I'm learning. I can clearly now see that this isn't actually going to bring me the level of peace that I thought it would. And so you may say, you know what? I'm seeing that this is actually way more out of alignment than I ever perceived. I'm probably not going to pursue that. It's obvious to my intellect and my spirit that this isn't what Brynne Erickson (15:16) Mm-hmm. Robyn Whitworth (15:19) I want to move forward with. It's not going to give me the fruits that I thought it would. So that's different, you know, than, ⁓ everything was just so hard. So I took that as a sign to stop. I'm like, maybe. Brynne Erickson (15:23) Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I love that because it's, you give it an actual chance to create the outcome that you were hoping for? And if it isn't aligning with that outcome that you wanted, then that wasn't the way that you wanted to get there. Or maybe that really isn't what you wanted versus, yeah, taking it as a sign that I wasn't supposed to be doing this. So that was explained beautifully. So my, but a question I have that you ⁓ brought up was those sponsored. Sponsored thoughts is that the term you used? So how do we know? Like when you said I want a better life for my kids, but maybe the underlying sponsored thought is actually financial freedom How do we find that actual? The real thought that sponsored thought that's fueling our desires or what we think we actually want Robyn Whitworth (16:04) Yeah. And I think that that takes practice. Just know that it takes practice. But one of the things that I do is I do journal. I journal, I sit down with a pen and a paper and I, there's a connection with the body. I really encourage people not to type on a computer for this kind of exercise, but to actually write. It's been proven that when we hold a pen and it's connected to the body, it just has a connection that's different than a typing when we see it on an electronic device. So get out a pen and paper and just write, why do I want to do this? Why do I want to do this? And then you're like, well, why that? And how come that? What's really underneath this? Is there anything else that may be driving this? And it's been so interesting to me how when I ask at least five to seven times, I get to answer sometimes that I'm like, oh my gosh. Like when I started a network marketing business years ago, I didn't realize I thought it was about money. I thought it was about helping our family financially. When I asked myself why I did that, it actually was because I was feeling really disconnected in my marriage. I was so disconnected in my marriage. I was like trying to find fulfillment somewhere. I was trying to make him proud of me. I was trying to be something inside my own family. So I was seeking these different things and that's okay. I'm not gonna say that was wrong, but I now know that and I'm like, whoa. Now that I found so much more of my person and myself inside, everything that I do now is those sponsoring thoughts come from so much more of a connected and humanity driven place than any type of personal gain or affirmation or affluence or recognition and I've seen that shift. So that's the way that I do it as I sit down with a journal and I will ask why, what's underneath that? Where does that even come from? You know, these kinds of things until I really feel like, you know what, there's nothing else here. It's that, it's that thing. Brynne Erickson (18:32) Yeah, you taught me how to journal and that's such I now have a journal for like each facet of my life and it's so exciting. So like when I have business things I need to hash out, I grab my business notebook. And when I have family and life stuff, I grab my family and life stuff. And I was always super resistant to journaling because for me it was more like today I did this and I thought that and I definitely see a lot of power in that. but now I'm more like a purpose driven journal or it's like when I need to work through the process of something and get to the root of it or even just a brain dump. Like if it's been bugging me and I can't seem to. Process it on my own and it just is still there. I love to journal and something about that pen and paper I'm totally with you. It's it's magical and a lot of times I end up like talking out loud to myself and Then I kind of work through to the conclusion and then I can write it out and it just feels Complete like it's so interesting how our body We just kind of get disconnected and we're always in our head, right? So maybe there's something about the pen and paper that allows our mind and our heart to connect. I don't know, but it definitely is powerful. Robyn Whitworth (19:58) Well, and sometimes on those electronic devices, it has predictive text. has continual editing, you know, to like underline things. So people will like edit as they go and it breaks the flow. It, you know, it, yeah, it, I had a mentor once and she goes, Robin, for all the work you've done, I still feel like you're speaking through a filter a lot of the times. And I was like, ugh. But sometimes that I learned to like, Brynne Erickson (20:02) Like filter. Yeah. Yeah, Robyn Whitworth (20:27) A lot Brynne Erickson (20:27) yes. Robyn Whitworth (20:28) of times when I was writing online, would be like thinking about who was going to read it. thinking about, if my mom sees this, better, oh, if my neighbor sees this, what if my, you know what I mean? so there's a lot of beauty that can come from just getting your own pen and paper, your own little notebook, and you just write. And I always really encourage people to not edit, because whatever comes out first is actually your most pure idea and thought, even if you don't like it. If you're like, ooh, I don't like that I just wrote that. Brynne Erickson (20:36) Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah Robyn Whitworth (21:02) That's not really how I feel. Leave it in there for just a second and really ask yourself and be honest, is this really what I think? Because it just came out. You know? Brynne Erickson (21:08) Right? Yeah, that's so helpful. ⁓ So I guess with decision making contrast is so helpful. Like even I have a personal experience because I notice it all the time in my life now. it's, gosh, it's just so helpful to be like, ⁓ huh, this is, and I'll even use the word hard. Like I'll acknowledge what it is or what it feels true to me in that moment. Like, man, this is really hard or this is very uncomfortable. But I acknowledge it as like, it's okay. Like this is a part of my growth process. This isn't, this doesn't have to mean to stop. This doesn't have to mean anything about me as a mother or a wife or a friend. Like it's okay for me to feel these feelings, but let's get curious about it. So what does this contrast mean? So like my little sticker business, I only get like two or three orders a week and I never have to do hardly any customer service. Well, yesterday I got three customer service requests, all like brand new things I had never done before in my little business of three years. And I was so frustrated. I was like, what? Why is this happening? I have five star reviews. Gosh dang it. Why do they need this from me? Like I was super angry and frustrated and they weren't even like a big deal. It was like, I need to return these stickers. Robyn Whitworth (22:25) Of course you did, because we're having this interview. Brynne Erickson (22:37) And I have a question and I accidentally gave you the wrong address. So now what I do, but for some reason my brain was like, I don't know what to do. Like it wanted to have a little fit and how dare they reach out. And it was so funny. And, but I, now that I'm aware, I could be like, okay, Brynn, that's, that's so funny that you're making such a big deal about this, but we got this. Like you're going to know how to answer these and take care of them. and help them feel validated and get what they need. And you'll get what you'll need too. And so I like, my brain wanted to make this big deal about it. And we did for a minute and I gave it some space. But then after I came up with very simple little responses and I haven't heard back from any of them yet. And it was just so interesting, but I'm so grateful to better understand contrast. Especially in parenting. my gosh. It's shown me allowed me to show so much more grace for myself. Like, of course this feels hard right now. Like, yes. How, what do I need right now? How can I best support myself while I'm feeling this? And how can I best support my child? And I've felt like I've been able to be such a better model to them. I can be like, look, Ross, I am really upset right now. And I feel like you're not listening to me. have thoughts that you're not listening to me and I really need to step away and for you to not follow me. And sometimes they do. And sometimes they don't write. Like I have little ones. I have six, three, and a couple months. So, but it's been so helpful to just like voice my processing and advocate for myself, even to my young kids and give myself what I need. but also validating what I'm really feeling in the moment. So contrast is just, man, it's just been so helpful to be like, nothing's wrong here. This is actually part of the process, especially with my faith journey, right? Where that's been, that was such a big, hard, deep one. That's when I found you. You were the next step in my growth process of my faith journey. And that was so helpful. Like nothing's wrong here. You're growing, you're elevating in your faith. This doesn't have to mean you're going down the wrong path or in a bad place. And that was just such a beautiful, helpful thing that you taught me. haha Robyn Whitworth (25:15) I'm just so happy to hear it. I'm like, yes, amen. It's helped all of these concepts. They help in my marriage. They help in my parenting. They help, like you said, it's like every aspect now it's like, wait, I have a choice here because I now know contrast is just that opposition giving me a choice. I all of sudden can choose to be empowered in any situation. Brynne Erickson (25:42) I'm not being acted upon. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not being acted upon. It's just another option, a choice, an opportunity for me to utilize my beautiful agency and make a choice. guess on that note, Hmm. Do you believe in right and wrong choices? Robyn Whitworth (25:42) Be like, ⁓ I actually am just being presented with a different choice right now. Do I Do I believe in right and wrong choices? I think that the short answer is no. The longer answer is that I believe, and I guess if we're talking right and wrong in the way of morality, a sin salvation question. Brynne Erickson (26:15) Yeah, let's go down that row. I'm just saying let's go that Robyn Whitworth (26:21) I believe and have learned from doing a lot of what I call, well, it's called etymology studies, where I take words from the modern English Bibles and I go backwards to the different translations that the Bible has come from. And I've learned that the word sin is actually a personal experience. It is a, when you are abandoning your own self, like when you Brynne Erickson (26:48) Yes. Robyn Whitworth (26:49) when you knew something and then you don't do it. You know, like you actually go against your own, like we're talking about alignment and intention. When you go against that, that's sin. It's actually not something that the whole world would agree on is right or wrong. It's a very personal, like, what do I actually know in my heart and my soul about this thing? And did I actually stay accountable to that? Brynne Erickson (27:12) Mm-hmm. Robyn Whitworth (27:20) And so when you're talking about right or wrong, it's like, well, it's just a personal, like, did I fall? Am I being my best self? Am I living in the light of my own goodness and believing my connection to God? Or am I abandoning that and just being like, nope, I'm just a victim to everything and I have no choice and I don't have a light to shine and nobody cares. Like, so in that sense, I guess you could say you're right or wrong to yourself. Brynne Erickson (27:42) you Robyn Whitworth (27:49) But in mainstream, I don't think there's anywhere written everything that's right and everything that's wrong. so thereby I would say, no, I don't think that there's right or wrong choices that anybody could really say what it is. Brynne Erickson (28:00) Yeah, no, that was the book, the four agreements came to mind because I'm pretty sure that I learned from that book that sin is anything that doesn't help you be the person you want to be, which is basically kind of how you defined it from your studies. So that was kind of fun to hear because I think I'm the only, like, I don't, I've never heard anyone else. Robyn Whitworth (28:21) Basically, yeah. Brynne Erickson (28:26) refer to sin in that way, in the way that I learned it from that awesome book, The Four Agreements that you recommended, which is super empowering. And I love that it makes it individual for everyone. Like sin isn't just this list of rules that applies to everybody. Robyn Whitworth (28:42) Yeah, and I think that, you know, the 10 commandments, if you look at those, it's like, yeah, these are guidelines to be a good human. These are guidelines that God is like, hey, if you like, look at these, you'll find that you'll probably, you probably will have less contrast if you're not killing people, if you're respecting people, you know, we're not just taking people's stuff that they invested in, like. If you look at all of those principles, they all go back to love. If you love someone, you're not gonna steal from them, you're not gonna kill them. If you love someone, you don't covet their thing, you celebrate them. Right? So it's, you really look back and that's why the greatest commandment is that we're loving this whole experience, the idea of God and all the creation. And then the second is that we love everybody like we love ourselves. We have to remember We don't know how to do that unless we love ourselves. And that's the work that most of us are doing. We're trying to figure out how to fully unconditionally love ourselves and then we can then reflect that love to other people. So when you're asking, what's the one way to love our, well, I guess you didn't ask that yet, but that was a question that she talked about. Brynne Erickson (29:53) Yeah, we can go that well with that route. Yeah, let's do it. So what I was going to ask you, what's one way that we can better or more love ourselves? Like loving yourself is hard work. And that's something I'm still trying to figure out. Like, how do I love myself as I am right now? My weight, my size, my acne, my like for me, it tends to be like more physical stuff. that weighs me down and makes it hard for me to embrace and love myself wholly and completely. Even some ways I show up in the world, like how I show up in my parenting, the way I react to things. I don't love that. So what are your thoughts about ⁓ allowing, how do we come to love ourselves so that we can better love others? Robyn Whitworth (30:50) I mean, it's a journey like you described. It's a journey for everybody and we change every day. And so you might be like, oh, I finally came to peace about this one part of my life. And then the next day something else happens and you're like, Oh no, is it going to take me seven years to overcome this too? But there's a book that I read called Living Untethered by Michael Singer. And he also wrote The Untethered Soul. And he also wrote a book about how he even came about the idea of tethers. what they were and how that works. But the basic idea is that we have these tethers in our lives that we've decided are valuable. And if you want to think of a hot air balloon and we're the hot air balloon and there's all these ropes coming out of the basket, you know how they hold down a hot air balloon and they take the ropes out and they stake it to the ground. And God is asking us to be free, to consider the lilies and the sparrows. We can go out and shine our light and we will be taken care of when we are being our best self. I'm being my best Robin, I'm being the best Lily, right? And the world says, no, no, no, no, we need to have a nice house, tether in the ground. We need to have steady income, tether in the ground. Oh, your kid better have a heart-shaped braid on Valentine's Day or you're the worst mom ever, tether in the ground. We start to identify important things outside of us and they become tethers. Where we're like, if I lose that tether, who am I? If I, right, we've identified all of these things and it's like, well, if I'm not a size eight, three months after I've given birth, then that's a tether for you, right? There's these different things. so reading that book, really opened my eyes to the conditional love I was giving myself. These tethers are the same thing as these conditions that somehow I decided I must meet for me to accept myself. And I'm not saying I don't have any, but I can tell you that I've been on a journey and those books really helped me with a few ideas because we're living our lives through our nervous system, which is activated by our thoughts. And so I've learned so much about identifying the thoughts that activate the body. And like, this gives me a feeling of shame. ⁓ this feels like a pit in my stomach. this is like, these aren't things I'd really love to dwell on or have. ⁓ And I just, I can go, ⁓ that's because I think this. And then I started to identify some of these tethers, these things that I was identifying. Brynne Erickson (33:22) Mm-hmm. Robyn Whitworth (33:41) had something to do with my value and so the more that I'm aware of that, I can, I've been able to release a lot of those and sometimes it's just being aware of them and just being like, yeah, I see you. I know what that is and just knowing that it's there and that I'm working on it. ⁓ But one thing that I do every day is I look in the mirror and I wink at myself and I say, Hey sexy lady, chance meeting you here. And I like wink and I like point at myself in the mirror and like have this little jig that I do. And it immediately shifts my energy. Talk about a nervous system. It immediately gives my whole body this sense of fun, lightness, confidence. It's this thing. Mirror work is so powerful. There's a lot of books that include the idea of mirror work. It's big in psychology. It's big in everything. Brynne Erickson (34:16) Hmm. Okay. Really? Robyn Whitworth (34:38) When you actually look at yourself in your own eyeballs and you're seeing your reflection and you verbalize an affirmation about how cool you are, I'm just like, Robin, I'm so happy to see you today. Like, this is amazing, right? And just doing that little thing, it's just, it's like, you know, a pebble in my jar, whatever, of just being like, there's no conditions on this. Let's just rock. Brynne Erickson (34:57) Hmm. Robyn Whitworth (35:04) whatever day it is and sometimes I'll even say the day it's Tuesday, it's Wednesday, let's go out and see what today is gonna hold. And just really starting the day in a very light, untethered mindset has been a way that has really, really helped me. I've noticed I just don't have as many heavy days. When things happen, I've already started my day and my whole body on a note of just happiness and love. Brynne Erickson (35:33) That's awesome. Robyn Whitworth (35:34) has just been a really good little ritual. Brynne Erickson (35:34) Yeah. When you were talking about this tethers, that word conditions came up to me even before you said it. was like, we create conditions. Like we, we make our love conditional for ourselves and for others. Right. So basically tethers are rules that we make. And it's funny because is how often we think our rules, like everyone also thinks our same rules. Right. Robyn Whitworth (35:55) Yep. Brynne Erickson (36:02) And the reality is I don't, that isn't true. Like sure. You'll find people that will be in agreement with you, but there are definitely going to be people that aren't in agreement with you. Like when you said the heart braid, laughed because I was like, there's no way. And I'm definitely like my children go to school with their hair uncombed and it's because they didn't want to come that day. And I don't care. Like that's not my hill to die on at all. And that's not, it's not a problem. Like it's, so interesting to me that people think your conditions also need to be my conditions or my conditions also need to be yours. Robyn Whitworth (36:33) But there are moms that do, right? We've heard them. Well, it's, I mean, another principle you talk about is with women, love always, always, always is connected to our feeling of safety. So if you say you're a size 12 and you think I should be a size eight, I mean, we're talking about body size, somewhere in your body says that if I'm a size eight, I am more safe. Brynne Erickson (36:57) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Robyn Whitworth (37:11) I'm safer in the dressing room. I'm safer in public. I'm safer with my friends because you believe somewhere that the size eight will draw less judgment. It'll draw more fun, right? You're more safe inside yourself with this condition. if we only have $5,000 in the checking account, I'm not safe until that says eight. Do you see? And so if my kid goes to school with shorts and moon boots on, Brynne Erickson (37:27) Yeah. Robyn Whitworth (37:39) Somewhere, if there's a judgment made about me, I'm not safe. But once a woman has cut that tether, she's worked through whatever it is, all of a sudden she doesn't, like you said, you don't care. So you feel safe regardless of what anybody says. But there are many people out there, right, that don't feel safe if someone says something about their kid. They've identified with the experience of their kid, so they're unsafe. You know, like for women, this is a really big deal. Like safety is gonna be always somewhere in there with love. If our husband is providing this safety for us is when we feel the most connected to them. Emotional safety, know, whatever it is that they provide in a safe place, we will feel the most connected to them. And it's the same with God and your faith journey. When you start to feel really safe, Brynne Erickson (38:23) Yeah. Robyn Whitworth (38:37) that is when you will start to feel the most love from God. And so becoming safe within ourselves, we can feel the most love for ourselves. And that's these tethers that make us feel like, well, this isn't qualified. This isn't met. I am not safe in this area. Brynne Erickson (38:47) Yeah. And maybe this is circumstantial, but how do you create that safety within yourself without needing it from someone else? Robyn Whitworth (39:01) Again, this is a journey that so many people are on. And for me, that was when I was able to realize that they were just tethers and that I was actually safe all along. That God has been holding me and connected to me and I've been safe all along. That was a huge realization. I was like, ⁓ I'm loved when I yell. I'm loved when I'm 20 pounds overweight. I'm loved when I can't pay my medical bill. I'm loved when I got a speeding ticket. And I was like, wait, I've been held, accepted, loved, cherished every minute of every day of my existence. It's only me that perceived that maybe I wasn't. But if I can choose that I always am, then in those moments, it's much easier to neutralize and to, you know, just be like, like you were saying, this is an uncomfortable, teachable moment, but there's nothing bad here. There's nothing wrong here. And I'm held and supported regardless of whatever happens here. That was huge. That was huge for me. Brynne Erickson (40:04) Yeah, I love how everything that we've talked about today, contrast is just an opportunity to like, it's information. When you feel those contrasting feelings to be like, ⁓ there's something here I need to maybe give some time and thought to, huh? Rather than just taking it as this is hard, everyone's out to get me. This is going to suck. Like it's. an opportunity to really step back and be like, okay, what do I actually want to create? Who do I actually want to be? How do I actually want to show up? How do I want to live my life? And so rather than contrast being something we dread and fear and avoid, I now see it as an opportunity. And it's been super empowering. Robyn Whitworth (41:02) Yes, yes, yes. Brynne Erickson (41:04) Okay, this was beautiful and awesome. And thank you so much for your time. But I just want to tell everybody that Robin has the most empowering, beautiful, loving ⁓ collective of women. And it is called the Elevated Mother Collective. It is for Christian mothers. I am an alumni. And I still participate by going to her amazing retreats where I love seeing my friends and I love. getting together and elevating together in a space that is completely judgment free of women. Like imagine being with 20 other women, 20 to 30 other women, and there is no drama on a retreat for three days. And it is such a beautiful experience. And then she also has an amazing program called the Elevated Mother Experience that I, it's changed my life. Like I would never saw the world this way. prior to that I had so much control over my experience and what I wanted to create. And Robin has helped me and her amazing coaches. There's Sheree and Christy and Megan and Robin, where can people find you if they're interested in your community and working with you? Robyn Whitworth (42:19) So on Facebook, you can search the Elevated Mother Collective and our group will pop up. You can request to join there. ⁓ You can personal message me anywhere, Instagram, threads, ⁓ Facebook, you know, and I will, I am on there. I will personally answer you back. But if you join our community, we'll see that and we'll start a relationship there. Brynne Erickson (42:37) And on Instagram is the Elevated Mother Collective as well. Robyn Whitworth (42:43) you'll see a lot of the content that I teach and the principles on my page on Instagram as well. Brynne Erickson (42:43) Okay, awesome. Well, thank you again, Robin, for your time and for your wisdom. It's gonna bless so many people. You're amazing. Thanks. Robyn Whitworth (42:51) You're welcome. Thank you.