Latest / Harder Than Life / You Don’t Need 19 Habits. Just 3 Done Savagely Well

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You Don’t Need 19 Habits. Just 3 Done Savagely Well · Harder Than Life

• 0:01
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• 0:30
  From 25 to 30, all I did every day was work on my business or improve myself or three, help somebody else. That was all I did every day. And I'm a very judgmental person. So like people that don't make enough money, I judge them as like, it's not that you're inferior. It's that you have your priorities screwed up. Try to know that energy is a currency. And a lot of people pay me for that energy to come in and get their businesses where they need to be. And if I'm not at a very high level, there's no chance in hell that we're going to get their businesses to a high level.
• 0:57
  The way you have a quantum leap is you fail your way to it. If you knew how to do it, you would have already done it. I didn't know how to build an $8 million building until I built it. You don't lose, you just learn. In terms of effortless discipline, it's all about systems. Because if you are relying on willpower and discipline alone for everything you do in your life, you're going to run out of discipline and willpower. It's simply a set of systems that make the right decisions nearly automatic for you.
• 1:23
  You don't have to stay there. Change can be overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be. Reality is, is that we only have so long on this earth. We are here for a purpose on purpose. And so let's figure out what that purpose is and let's get aligned to that so that you can drive joy and fulfillment. You lean into alignment. There is so much freedom on the other side of it. So my message to the listeners are do the damn thing. Declare war on yourself because it's the best investment you'll ever make.
• 1:55
  2025 pushed us all mentally, emotionally, and physically. I've had conversations that shook me, stories that inspired me, and moments that changed me forever. That's why I'm closing the year with something special. The Harder Than Life Best Of series. Over the next five weeks...
• 2:15
  I'm revisiting the most powerful clips, lessons, and raw truths from this year. We'll talk discipline, healing, mindset, relationships, and the moments that defined 2025. My goal? To help you reflect, reset, and rise stronger than ever going into 2026. I call this the transition period, getting ready to dominate the new year.
• 2:44
  New episodes will drop every Tuesday, so let's finish this year harder than life.
• 2:49
  Discipline is the foundation of everything. You don't get transformation without it. In this Best Of episode, we're diving into the truth about what it really takes to change. No hacks, no shortcuts, just consistent effort and self-mastery. Transformation happens one discipline choice at a time. Keep showing up, stay focused, and watch your life catch up to your standards.
• 3:14
  You built one of the biggest real estate portfolios in America, and now you're betting heavy on Bitcoin. What do you know that 99% of the people don't, and why is ignoring it going to make them broke? Boy, I'm a skeptic about saving money, investing money, the stock market. I am a very skeptical person. That's either a liability for me or an asset or maybe at times both. I was given Bitcoin. My introduction to Bitcoin was I was given 115 pieces.
• 3:42
  Really? Yeah. In 2012, it was 500 bucks. I said yes to it. That was the first thing. Even though I didn't understand it, which I highly recommend people. Like, if you don't have to pay for it, say yes to it. It's not herpes. You can always get rid of it, right? The second thing I did right was I didn't get rid of it. I accepted it like a gift. And I said, okay, let me learn about this thing I don't know about.
• 4:07
  And then over the last 12 years, I started slowly adding Bitcoin. I watched it do its little thing, its volatility. And then about three years ago, I started using some of the cash flow of our real estate to purchase Bitcoin. A year and a half ago, I was in a debate room on Spaces where the debate was real estate, Bitcoin or stock. I was I was on that. They had me on the real estate piece.
• 4:37
  And I came away from that argument. Why debate? Why not have all three of them? We're combining the best of two worlds, an old world asset that cash flows and depreciates and has great tax write-offs with Bitcoin. We're fusing the two together, merging them into an organization or LLC.
• 4:53
  allowing people to invest in that. So we get cashflow, write-offs. We get appreciation from the Bitcoin and the rent from the real estate. We're buying best in class real estate combined with best in class money. Why would our listeners, if they ignore this, why are they going to be left behind? So this idea that, you know, you're going to save your money. In my lifetime, money's lost 91% of its value. When you leave it at Wells Fargo or Bank of America or Merrill Lynch or wherever you're leaving your money, you're not saving it.
• 5:21
  It's being destroyed on a daily basis. So there's no such thing as saving. People need to rethink what they know about money. People lie, but numbers don't lie. The middle class in America is not today the middle class of 1980s.
• 5:36
  or 1970. They're a suffering group of people. It's the largest, most oppressive group of people in this country. They don't have enough money, income. They don't have enough money to pay their bills. They don't have enough money for savings. They don't have enough money for emergencies. Their retirement accounts are 401 IRAs. So people need to start relooking at how else could I invest where I don't lose my money and it grows and it outpaces inflation. And I think that's where they'd be left out if they don't take advantage of some of the things you're
• 6:06
  The single dumbest thing that people do with their money is to keep it in cash. Is that what you're saying? 100%. The dumbest thing people do is they don't make enough money. You got to earn more money. Okay. I don't think people should invest first. I think they should earn first. Just go get some fiat. The second thing they're going to do is what they do with the fiat. Okay. Like, what are you going to do with it now that you have it?
• 6:27
  Like a lot of people know how to get it. They don't know how to keep it. The bank doesn't even keep it, as you know. Yep. You know, you drop off 100 grand at Wells Fargo, that money's being redistributed to people like myself before the day ends.
• 6:39
  The money's going to be lent to me. It's not kept at the bank. I hate the stock market. Whoa. I hate it. Like, it makes no sense to me. The whole thing is bizarre. I feel like I'm in a casino every time I look at it. I like real things that I can touch, real things that are limited in quantity, real things that are scarce that I know can't be easily reproduced.
• 7:00
  So trophy real estate and Bitcoin combined, both those things have those attributes. This blue line down here, like we just bought this, we made this acquisition of 12 deals. We have a billion dollars worth of real estate. That's the blue line. That's how it'll grow. And we add Bitcoin to that. That's the orange line. We'll add the Bitcoin. The Bitcoin is going to do its volatility. The Bitcoin, the orange could blow through the blue line. I still have my blue line.
• 7:26
  I still have my real estate. You're hedging the bet with each one. We fuse both of them together. That's beautiful. So this has never been done. It's never been done at scale. But there's going to be a big deal here. I'm going to literally change the way people invest in real estate. We have 12 deals done with a billion dollars of real estate and a couple hundred million dollars of Bitcoin. By the end of the year...
• 7:47
  I'm going to try to make that a billion dollars of real estate and a billion dollars of Bitcoin sitting in the same fund and taking it public. What's riskier, owning zero Bitcoin or zero real estate? Well, you know, my real estate's paying for my Bitcoin. And that's one of the things that we pride ourselves on buying. We buy best location asset.
• 8:05
  First, first location. And then the asset quality second. This is best in class asset, best location, surrounded by $40 million homes. We bought 366 units for $235 million. It was going to bankruptcy. So what I did was I went to the courts and filed what's called a stalking horse contract. Really? And a stalking horse, basically, I made an offer. I said, look, I'll pay $230 million for the asset.
• 8:34
  I'm putting $20 million down. I'll close 10 days later with all cash. Okay. And the stocking horse basically suggests to the courts that they accept your stocking horse, that if anybody else comes in, they have to match my bid and my terms. That means they'd have to put $20 million to be part of the auction and they'd have to close 10 days later with all cash. So we basically excluded the marketplace. Okay.
• 9:03
  From being able to participate. And we're awarded the deal on July 12th, closed on like literally 10 days later. And we're going to add $100 million of Bitcoin to that transaction. Stalking horse. That is crazy. I never even heard of that. That's great. Yeah, yeah. After 30 years, you learn tricks. Tricks of the trade, you know. How did you raise $1.6 billion from 20,000 investors? Like what's the single phrase or story that closes that many deals? I'm buying the asset.
• 9:33
  I'm doing this whether you come in or not. I'm going direct to investors. I don't use banks. I don't use institutions. I don't take a knee or kiss the ring. And if you want to come, if you want to invest with me, invest with me. You have no say-so. My family's going to buy this asset regardless. And if you want 1% of it or 2% of it or 4% or 5%, grab it. You'll have no say-so. You got to believe in me and you got to believe in the asset and believe the story.
• 9:59
  And then we let people that wanted to do it to be limited partners to come in. What's the one business decision that instantly 10X your income and why didn't you do it sooner? 42 years since I was 25 years old, I cleaned up out of a treatment center.
• 10:14
  The first 10X for me, bro, was cleaning up. Drugs were a problem for me. I was introduced to drugs when I was 15 years old. And by the time I was 16, I was a daily drug user. Anything, anything and everything. It was like this good kid just fell off the charts. I would spend nine and a half years on drugs every day and finally beat it when I was 25. That was the first cleanup. That was the first real 10X for the next five years from 25 to 30. All I did every day was...
• 10:41
  work on my business or improve myself or three, help somebody else. That was all I did every day. I hear people say, oh, rich people, rich people aren't happy. I'm like, I know poor people that aren't happy. Successful people have more problems. You know, the more success you get, the more problems you have. Maybe, maybe really it's just different problems.
• 11:00
  You know, it's like rather than what's the gas cost in my car, what's the gas cost in my plane? It's just a different problem. I mean, it's the problems aren't going away for any of this. At the end of the day, it's not about the watches and the money and the vacations. And it's about like, do I feel good about what I'm doing? That's my up and down. My ups and downs are not crashes and car wrecks, you know, going to jail.
• 11:25
  Now they're like, nah, I didn't hit my target. And I'm disappointed. Or, you know, I don't have enough time for me to grow the business and handle my kids. Like, there's just different issues, man. What are some of your non-negotiables? It's just an absolute no for you. Drugs are a no-no. Out ethics. Degenerates. People that say yes to everything. People that live beyond their means. Yeah.
• 11:52
  driving a car you can't afford, living someplace you can't afford, your priorities are mixed up. And I'm a very judgmental person. So people that don't make enough money, I judge them as it's not that you're inferior, it's that you have your priorities screwed up. If the two of us go to dinner and I'm the only one with money, that means I got to pay every time. And by the way, the problem is not me paying every time. The problem is you're going to hate my guts for paying every time.
• 12:17
  Sooner or later, you're going to hate me, dude. That is funny. Because you're going to feel like the exchange is out. I believe human beings want to be the most contributive. They want to be like, no, I got this. And because it gives you a sense of like, I'm taking care of the people around me.
• 12:35
  But if you're the only one taking care, you end up with a position of superiority over everybody else, spoken or unspoken, whether it's identified or not. And then those other people are going to feel worse about themselves. The biggest threat to AI is going to eliminate all excuses. Yep. I love it. Bro, there will be no group of people that are able to say, I didn't have access. Mm-hmm.
• 13:03
  Black, brown, white, male, female, young, old, bro. Like there will be no group that can wave a flag and say, I don't have access to the same data. Everybody's going to have access to the same data. You will have zero excuses. By the way, it will cost you nothing. It'll be delivered in your language. It'll be delivered in your language.
• 13:21
  at light speed for free. And the only reason you don't have it is because you didn't want to go get it. So excuses are gone. How do you have so much energy? I literally watch you. You're in a different city every single day. And everything I can to just be a father, a business owner, and read and get this stuff going. How do you do that? When I got into the business world, I thought, this is just how you go, man.
• 13:44
  This is how you go. It's like, it's like you come in early, you stay late, you stay until you figure out a way to win. And so it kind of became a way of life from 19 to 31. And then when I got in the business world, it's like everybody moves so slow. It's like, you know, it's like we're dealing with turtles here, not cheetahs. Try to know that energy is a currency. Yeah.
• 14:04
  And a lot of people pay me for that energy to come in and get their businesses where they need to be. And if I'm not at a very high level, there's no chance in hell that we're going to get their businesses to a high level. You know, that's the way I look at it.
• 14:16
  What exactly is this prey drive and how can somebody flip the switch to activate it? Animals ability to stalk, capture and kill prey. And then I had a big revelation that humans have a prey drive. What is it? I really came out with my own theory of motivation, which is what you read in Flip the Switch. It's like, that's my theory of motivation, which is related to activation of a deep drive. There are certain things that activate and trigger that drive. When they're activated, man, you're at a whole...
• 14:45
  Another level. You're at a freakish level. Okay. But the prey drive has to be activated. And Kelly, the truth is most people live their entire lives and this drive is not activated. How did your experience as a championship basketball coach shape your philosophy on motivation and success? The pursuit of something for over a decade to accomplish it.
• 15:08
  the feeling of being the best at something. What I love about sports is at the end of the day, man, there's one champion. Like you scratch and claw, you get beat, you learn, you get back up, you fight again, you keep going until one day, it's like you're standing in the middle and you're the best. And there's nobody at that time, in that arena, in that place,
• 15:28
  That is better than you. On any given night at the table, anybody can win and anybody can lose, man. And that shaped me from our understanding. A lot of the language I use, we go to bed tired, we wake up hungry. It all goes to zero at midnight, right? In sports, nobody cared if we won on Tuesday. Like we have to play again on Friday and people on Friday didn't care if we won on Tuesday. And I got into the business world and I would hear things like, well, we have quarterly goals and
• 15:55
  You know, I'm like, forget that, man. We got daily goals and we're trying to hit a number every day. And then if we compound that number every day, then we get our weekly goals. All right. So it's like I brought a level of intensity to the companies I was coaching that were really operating at a low frequency, in my opinion. And,
• 16:12
  And that raised the level of performance of everybody. Martin Luther King said this, to what you don't hate, you will tolerate. Yeah. And if you don't hate losing or you don't hate mediocrity, you probably got a lot of it in your life. Where there's no pain, there's no change. That's true of almost anything in life.
• 16:31
  It is truly in a business. You don't change until you're sick of tired of getting incremental growth. You don't move with your body. You don't go to the gym until you get sick of seeing yourself underperform. You don't like, it's like, that's just human nature, man. We start with good intentions. We fail to follow through. We experience guilt, which is why we need coaches. It's why we need trainers. It's why we need people holding us accountable. Winners lose more than losers do. Well, it's like,
• 16:59
  You know, when you're a big time person, you make up your mind that you don't lose, you just learn.
• 17:05
  The way you have a quantum leap, which is a significant jump, is you fail your way to it. If you knew how to do it, you would have already done it. So I didn't know how to build an $8 million building until I built it. I didn't know how to write a bestselling book until I wrote it. I didn't know how to win a championship until I won it. But I did have an aiming point, and I did go, this is where I'm going. And I want to be at a bigger table. And I want to invite people to a seat at a bigger table. See, the prey drive is the instinct to move toward it. It's like, I'm doing it.
• 17:33
  I'm doing it. I'm moving toward it. Okay. And then I'm going to fail my way through it with the help of a lot of people, but we're just going to keep moving, man. We're going to keep the trains moving. What do you say to people who feel stuck in life and business? I think a lot of people are stuck because they've give up on their dreams. They sit and then they settle and then they cement and then they accept it. That's why the prey drive needs to be activated.
• 17:57
  Over and over and over. There's a dark side to pre-drive. There's a survival. But the truth is, that's actually what activates it many times. Like when you think you could lose everything. So it prompts you to take an action.
• 18:09
  that naturally you may not feel like doing. You build an $8 million building and you're gonna take it to other places. So people wanna know, someone's listening to the podcast, how do I do that? Starting at 18, literally at 18 years old, I was introduced to Stephen Covey. I studied under Covey from 18 to 25. I was always being coached by somebody, Kelly. Always being in a room. And then I started to skill up enough to be in the room with other great people.
• 18:39
  Then I figured out ways to kind of my sales skills to do things with other people. I skill up a little bit more and I learned something new. I partner with people who've really done it and they educate me a lot about this is how we do it at a bigger level. What did you want to be when you were a kid? All I ever wanted to be was a coach, to be honest with you.
• 19:00
  And I became a coach and then became a championship coach. And I was like, all right, what's the next move? What's the difference between motivation and activation? I believe after coaching for 33 years, I believe I could know my purpose and still not be motivated today. That's why I'm not a fan of just finding your why. I think you could know your why, like this is what I'm supposed to do. But what if I woke up today and don't feel like doing it? What if I don't feel like prospecting today? What if I don't feel like following up? What if I don't feel like doing interviews or what if I don't feel like doing whatever? Okay.
• 19:30
  Now I need to activate. So I literally am activated all the time. But motivation, no.
• 19:37
  Well, I think it just having an awareness of what motivates, what demotivates, what activates, what deactivates. Like even top performers can lack motivation. Sounds like to me it's more muscle memory to you. And like an athlete does certain things and it's just part of what they do. It's kind of more of a way of life. And I think for a lot of people, they've never developed those habits. They've never worked the muscle. They don't know what it's like. Most of the top performers I coach have a primary skill.
• 20:07
  that is superior to other people in their industry. You just never know what kind of impact you can really have on people. It's not just through the work where you get paid to work with somebody and that's life changing, but it's also just the impact and influence you have of people watching you on social media, people will come into your events of people seeing you speak of the reading your books or whatever, there's a lot of impact that's hard to measure in people.
• 20:36
  And I think a lot of people don't understand that just the observation of being in the presence of great people really does rub off on you. And it's like, oh, man, I want to do better in my life. Confidence can be converted to boldness.
• 20:49
  Remarkable boldness is really what big time people have. They don't just have confidence. They literally know they can make things happen. They move toward bigger plays. They don't care if they win or lose. It's like, it's like, it's a whole nother level of confidence. So the way you manufacture confidence is through consistent, ongoing, systematic repetition. You get up, you dress up, you look like somebody, you show up, you work the muscle. So you just become confident, get feedback. And the feedback says you're good at this.
• 21:16
  It's like, all right, let's get better. Somewhere along the way, we can let old confidence turn into new arrogance. The truth is that arrogance becomes a liability to really get to the next level. You actually have to go back to a place of humility and go back to a beginner's mind and say, show me how to get better at this. I'm hungry to get better at my talks. I'm hungry to get better at my conversion. I'm hungry to get better. You've got to be hungry. You've got to be humble.
• 21:40
  You gotta be teachable. You gotta go teach me, man. I'm open. Show me how to do it better. Man, oh man. What's the one productivity hack or trend you secretly rolled your eyes at every time you hear about it? Oh man, the long morning routines. When I hear about people doing 19 things before breakfast, it bothers me because I know how hard it is for people to do things as the day goes on. And you have the greatest discipline, willpower, and intention first thing in the morning.
• 22:08
  I also heard a rumor that you quit the infamous cold plunge. I've never been a fan of the cold plunge. I think it's a bit of a parlor trick. There may be health benefits to it, but if you take a look at all the people that, you know, have currently lived to 100 years old, none of them did cold plunges. So it's not necessary nor sufficient. Literally implemented immediately two things.
• 22:25
  which was putting time on my calendar to do the... The non-urgent but important. And that's what people miss out on in life. And UI. You outline in the perfect week formula, you end the calendar with all the work stuff.
• 22:42
  We got it backwards. And it made so much sense. I mean, it's just experience of talking to so many entrepreneurs who are never getting around to doing the stuff that really matters. When you put your workouts on the calendar and you put your family time on the calendar and that goes on first, now you've compressed the amount of time you can actually work. And if you compress the amount of time you can actually work, well, you got to get rid of the fluff.
• 23:06
  Because most people's days are so full of 20, 30, 40% fluff that if you just got rid of the fluff, they could work less and have a much more enjoyable life, but also a more effective business or career. How does chasing discipline sometimes become harmful instead of helpful? So it becomes harmful when you put the good in the way of the great.
• 23:28
  When you and I grew up, Kelly, people were always saying, oh, you know, they're keeping up with the Joneses. And back then it meant buying a bigger car, buying a bigger house, et cetera. Today, it means doing all the things that we see other people doing on social media. Oh, this person's in this challenge. I got to go and do it. I got to keep up with the Joneses by taking on more stuff. But those things don't matter. And it ends up causing us to neglect what does.
• 23:55
  And that's where discipline can destroy you. I do have to coach a lot of entrepreneurs on putting enjoyment back on their calendar. Bryce, Bedros, you, and then some respect me, have show effortless discipline. Isn't discipline supposed to be hard? In terms of effortless discipline, it's all about systems.
• 24:14
  Because if you are relying on willpower and discipline alone for everything you do in your life, you're going to run out of discipline and willpower. And so when you have elimination of the bad, preparation for the good, and connection to follow through on things...
• 24:28
  It doesn't require that grit your teeth willpower and discipline. It's simply a set of systems that make the right decisions nearly automatic for you. You talked about the doom loop. Tell us what that is and why people get trapped in it and what's your best tip to escape. So a doom loop is something like what I was in as a binge drinker, right? I can't get out of it because everything revolves around it.
• 24:52
  And for some people it's pornography when they go home at night. For some people it's binge watching television or binge eating. So this phrase that we see in movies where it's like, I just got to get it out of my system. When you get something out of your system, when you do a bad behavior, you don't get it out of your system. You put it deeper into your system. You need something to like stop this loop from continuing. And in most cases, it is planning and preparation. You have to go through like, how can I eliminate that? How can I plan and prepare to make a better habit easier to do?
• 25:21
  And who can I get accountability from so I follow through? I am a person that do not consume alcohol. Not, I am a not drinker. I don't drink. I'm a person who doesn't consume alcohol. I like that. That's a standard. I'm a big, big fan of reframing your brain. For example, people say they have a problem. Well, do you have a problem or do you have a puzzle to solve? It's much better if you have a puzzle to solve or a challenge because those things can excite you. A problem will depress you.
• 25:51
  So if you think, listen, I've got a challenge here. You know, I'm $10,000 in credit card debt. This is an interesting problem. I'm going to figure out how to solve it versus woe is me. I'm $10,000 worth of credit card debt. However, you can reframe things in your brain to make them more positive. It's an easier way to live. It's a simpler way to live. It's a more effective way to live. All it is is a matter of just using different language in your mind. I see a lot of entrepreneurs who don't start because of fear of criticism.
• 26:19
  Listen, somebody's criticizing you right now. As you listen to this, they're talking behind your back. Could be your best friend. Could be your family members. You know, it's just human nature. You're already getting criticized. So you may as well do something worth getting criticized for, which is, you know, stepping up and playing bigger. The single biggest myth about discipline you consistently see on social media. What is it?
• 26:40
  Well, it's that you have to do all these hard things that other people are doing. And if they don't serve you, chasing another person's definition of discipline is the least disciplined thing that you can do. The only way that you know what really matters and what is worth your time and worth your discipline is by you stepping back and doing the hardest thing of all, which is thinking. Most people will not stop the podcast and stop the audio books and sit there in silence and think about what really matters for their life.
• 27:07
  But that's the most important thing for you to do first. So you get the right orientation. And when you have the right orientation, then you can choose the right methodology to get you to your big goals and dreams. And that's why things are actually simpler than what most people make it out to be. You know, it's not about doing 19 things. It's actually about doing three things savagely well. And when you do those three things savagely well, you'll be very, very effective, very, very efficient, very, very successful, very, very happy, very, very fulfilled.
• 27:37
  You'll drive yourself mad because of what you see on social media. I have a ton of regrets, but I don't live in them. I learn from them. And that's the only thing you can do. If you are stuck in the past, if you are stuck in I coulda, shoulda, woulda, you're going to stay stuck.
• 27:56
  And that'll land you in a funk. I don't know one parent friend of mine who doesn't have a regret about some way that they, you know, engaged or raised their kids. It just, I think it's a part of parenthood and we do the best we can with what we got. And if we are self-aware enough to identify and go back and take a look, you know, we can go back and do better moving forward.
• 28:25
  How did you forgive yourself for that?
• 28:27
  I can look back at my childhood and say, like, those are really crummy circumstances. But my mom did the best she could with what she had in the circumstance. Right. And I, you know, and I can I can accept that and still love her and move forward. And and so that's what I'm trying to do. There are some missteps. There were some times where I wasn't present, where I was checked out. And now I can do better. You have to.
• 28:56
  Forgive them for yourself, not for them. And it is healing as can be. And knowing that they did the best that they could with what the information that they had and the experiences they had is a absolute power move. What was the wake up call that made you realize you were stuck in a funk? Oh, my gosh. Probably many middle aged women. I walked into my closet and I was.
• 29:18
  Could not, none of my clothes fit. This is pre-COVID, so I was in an office five days a week. And it was just disheartening. And there was a lot of shame. And it's like, okay, the pain of staying the same is finally greater than the pain of change. And you've got to get to that tipping point before you make any change. I reached out to a friend who I saw losing weight like it was her full-time job and reached out to her. And that was a scary thing.
• 29:48
  Because as women, you know, body image is such a, it's so in your face when it comes to society today. And the cycle of trying and failing and trying and not keeping the commitment you make to yourself. Can I get an amen? Like there's a cycle of that, right? And so to attempt again and say, okay, what's going to be different this time? I took that shot and it fundamentally changed the trajectory of my life.
• 30:18
  I want to let the audience know that homegirl went from a size 16 to a six. So when you see this beautiful, beautiful face smiling from ear to ear, she worked hard at it. And I see you and I'm proud of you and I love you. Why didn't you say anything about self-love?
• 30:34
  The act of stepping into leaning into your health and curating a more positive mindset and making the hard decisions about where you spend your time and what fills your cup and getting honest about that, they're all acts of self-love. They all support self-love, but I don't actually describe it as self-love. I describe it as alignment. There's a lot of evolution happening in Molly Smith right now. I am a work in progress.
• 31:01
  Um, and my word for 2025 is surrender. It doesn't matter if I write a bestselling book. It doesn't matter if I make a gazillion dollars. It doesn't matter if I have a successful coaching business or I'm at the C level in a company. Um,
• 31:17
  I have inherent worth, exactly who I am, how I am today, without the title, without the money, without the things. Like I could do not another thing in my life, in my self-worth, should not, would not shift. And realizing that probably is the biggest act of self-love. There's no right or wrong way. It's just get to the results that you want. You still, the James Clear thing says, join me.
• 31:45
  Join tribes where the desired behavior is the normal behavior. So if you want to live an alcohol-free life, you need to be around people where that is the normal behavior. If you want to live a healthy life, you need to associate with people who are living a healthy lifestyle, right?
• 32:02
  We don't operate well in isolation. Like we're not meant to be in isolation. But if you are hanging out with a crowd, for example, that is going out and drinking every weekend and you are sober curious or trying to figure that out, it's going to be infinitely harder to get that done. Okay. Spoiler alert to the hardest part about self-love journey and the journey to enlightenment. Because that's what we're trying to get is that. Yeah.
• 32:29
  It is not fitting in because the reason why you're probably medicating is because you were trying to fit in. Oh, yeah. So unlearning that behavior is the hardest thing.
• 32:42
  Because you'll be going into the situations where you're supposed to be, where you think you're supposed to be, and you just don't fit anymore. And it feels weird. And it's so easy to fall right back in. Was it the weight? Was that exactly what it was? That was the first. That was my first foray. What's the second thing that motivated you to get out of your funk? I think even back then, I knew that I was meant for more. Yeah.
• 33:08
  Like I had that, I had a little bit of that kind of, you know, that little, that kind of inner knowing and that inner knowing in me back then was very, very, very quiet. But I knew that I was meant for more. And I knew that if I was going to be able to step into that, that I couldn't ignore my health anymore. Where did that feeling come from? For me, it was like a hole in my heart.
• 33:32
  What did it feel like to you? It felt like discontent. So in a company that I literally have grown up in. And so I was at the top of my career at that juncture.
• 33:45
  Right. I had the title. I had the office. And again, my my definition of success back then was success in business. I was at the top of my career at that juncture. I felt I did not feel comfortable in my own skin. And I knew I was meant for more. That's got to resonate with everybody. So I wanted to say what in what the funk you discussed cutting out alcohol. What role did alcohol play in keeping you stuck?
• 34:12
  Oh, my sweet baby Jesus. Let's go there. I got to tell you, I mean, our family were wine drinkers. My role was shifting and I was I was feeling very much out of alignment and living in imposter syndrome. And so at the end of every day, in order to just check out, it was amazing.
• 34:30
  a glass of wine. And now in the book, I always say a glass or three, because it was never just one glass. It was never just one glass. But I was using it as a form to escape and numb and ignore the misalignment in my life, because I didn't have the tools or the ability to name the emotion I was feeling. I can't show up as the best version of myself and do the work that I feel like I am called to do the soul aligned work.
• 34:57
  If I am drinking. Let's talk about the inevitable setbacks because it happens. What do you do if you feel yourself slipping back into some old habits? Oh, yeah.
• 35:10
  Well, I can tell you all about that. We're going to find ourselves in a funk, all right? We're going to find ourselves in the pit. I think the key when you're there is obviously awareness. It's like, yeah, I'm in the pit. But what I found for me, and maybe I'm just like belligerent or stubborn, is that I have to want to pit it.
• 35:29
  have to be ready to be done and to move. And so it isn't, for me, it's not an automatic thing. And it's sometimes the funk is a place of safety. It's what our brains know. Like we go back to what our brains are comfortable with. So they're going to go back to the devices, the things that we do to conserve energy and keep us safe, even if it doesn't serve us. Right. And so you've got to get to the point where enough's enough in order to shift. And so
• 35:58
  You've got to allow space for that. So when you are stuck, just acknowledging, okay, yeah, I know, you know, some of my coping mechanisms are, you know, are not really great. When you're ready to shift. How old were you when you moved?
• 36:15
  when you really realized you were in the funk and we're saying, I'm, I'm, I'm done. When did you, when did you say I'm making changes? How old are you? 40, 2019. So I was 44. I was 43. Yeah. 43, 44. Yeah. The one thing I want to tell the younger people, do it sooner guys. Oh yes. Declare war on yourself because it's the best investment you'll ever make. And I was scared. I had so much fear of saying, Oh,
• 36:44
  This isn't this is not a good fit for me, which is eventually what I said. It's eventually what I said to my boss. But talk about the scariest thing I've ever said in my life in a corporate setting, probably in my in my entire life, you know, my habits, because I didn't have those coping mechanisms and I didn't have the self-awareness. It wasn't until that day.
• 37:08
  at the end of January 2023 that I saw my friend on Facebook in that electric blue bikini. I will never forget it because it doesn't snow a lot in Texas. But there she was celebrating 100 days alcohol free. And it was like, that's what I'm like, that's, that's interesting to me, scares me to death. But that's interesting. I need to reach out to her.
• 37:33
  You sticking your neck out and saying, this isn't for me, took so much courage and then it worked out. So my message to the listeners are do the damn thing. And if it doesn't work out the way you want it, it's going to work out better. Because if he would have said, then this isn't for you, you would have moved on to a better job.
• 37:54
  When you lean into alignment, there is so much freedom on the other side of it. And you're not going to know it when you're in it. It's going to feel like you are like standing on a cliff about to step off. But had I not made that decision?
• 38:09
  I wouldn't have the phenomenal job situation that I have today. I would not have been open to the opportunities that have come my way. Had I stayed in a place where I was out of alignment, I would have not been able to step into what truly has been meant for me.
• 38:27
  Let's get aligned to that so that you can drive joy and fulfillment. I mean, that is like out of your life. If you're stuck, you don't have to stay there. Change can be overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be. And I don't know about you, but like when you've got a big thing in your head and it's like you're on step two and you've got step 10, you don't know how you're going to get to 10. So that's okay. Just go to step three, one step at a time. You'll get there if you don't quit.
• 38:51
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with. Delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.