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Chicks Chat: Work Mistress, Frenemies & Christmas Proposals · Two Broke Chicks

0:00
Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadagal Land, Always was, always
0:04
Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land.
0:13
Speaker 2: Hey Chicks, I'm sal and I'm out and miss is
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Speaker 2: too Broat Chicks, the show that shows life lessons and
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Speaker 2: tips to help make you rich in life.
0:19
Speaker 1: And welcome back to another sposy episode Adverse with the Chicks.
0:25
Speaker 1: It's that time of the month where you chicky month.
0:29
Speaker 1: It's that time of the month where you chicky. Send
0:31
Speaker 1: in your dilemmas and we're going to dive in, give
0:35
Speaker 1: our raw reactions and our two cents. I'm excited because
0:38
Speaker 1: I always love these episodes. As always, we haven't read
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Speaker 1: through these. They were picked out by our one full producer, Bree. Okay,
0:46
Speaker 1: are you ready?
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Speaker 3: Yeah, hip mayre o.
0:48
Speaker 1: Hey, Dilemma number one. I have a serious issue here.
0:52
Speaker 1: I have a guy at my work who I am
0:54
Speaker 1: very attracted to and may even have a little work
0:58
Speaker 1: crush on. However, I am in a long term relationship
1:03
Speaker 1: and am utterly in love with my partner. I know
1:08
Speaker 1: I still get butterflies in my stomach when I talk
1:11
Speaker 1: to this guy at work and I find myself checking
1:13
Speaker 1: how I look in a mirror. Before I know I'll
1:15
Speaker 1: be in a room with him. He has even somehow
1:18
Speaker 1: come into a few of my dreams. I already feel
1:22
Speaker 1: like I'm doing something wrong, but he just always seems
1:25
Speaker 1: to pop into my head and I'm stuck on what
1:28
Speaker 1: to do.
1:29
Speaker 2: Is dreaming about someone else when you're in a relationship cheating?
1:36
Speaker 1: I think it depends on how you feel when you
1:37
Speaker 1: wake up.
1:38
Speaker 2: If Rob had a dream about another girl, I would
1:40
Speaker 2: never let him go back to sleep again.
1:42
Speaker 3: You lost that privilege.
1:44
Speaker 1: You'll stay awake.
1:45
Speaker 3: I'll get a monkey clapp and simple thing god exctly literally.
1:54
Speaker 2: Look, I think like crushes are a very normal part
1:59
Speaker 2: of life. Like to think that you're going to be
2:02
Speaker 2: in a relationship, and once you get in a relationship,
2:04
Speaker 2: puff you never like have attracted to anyone ever again,
2:07
Speaker 2: Like that's unreasonable and like it's just not gonna happen.
2:12
Speaker 1: Like you have eyeballs, Yeah, like you're gonna come across
2:15
Speaker 1: people who you think are hot. Yeah. And I do
2:19
Speaker 1: also think that work crushes are so common because it's
2:22
Speaker 1: the force proximity and you're with people all the time.
2:26
Speaker 3: It's the airport. We've talked about this before.
2:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, the workplace riz theory that people at work are
2:33
Speaker 2: hotter just because they're in the workplace and you're bored,
2:37
Speaker 2: and you're bored because like, what.
2:39
Speaker 3: Are you gonna do?
2:39
Speaker 2: Stand at the fax machine? No, that doesn't sound as
2:41
Speaker 2: fun as like, you know.
2:45
Speaker 1: A cute guy. Yeah. And there's also like, in some cases,
2:50
Speaker 1: there can be that bond between you, like that trauma
2:53
Speaker 1: bond that happens to being like a.
2:55
Speaker 3: Fucking hate leslie.
2:57
Speaker 1: Yeah literally, yeah, yeah, So I do do you think
3:00
Speaker 1: that those things do? Mean that a lot of the time,
3:03
Speaker 1: it is really common to get a crush at work.
3:06
Speaker 2: I mean, she did say I'm utterly in love with
3:08
Speaker 2: my partner, and it's more like it is her dilemma
3:13
Speaker 2: that she feels like she's doing something wrong and she
3:17
Speaker 2: doesn't know.
3:18
Speaker 3: What to do.
3:20
Speaker 1: That's the thing with stuff like this is that I'm like,
3:23
Speaker 1: I don't think that this makes you a bad person.
3:27
Speaker 2: You're only a bad person if you act on it
3:29
Speaker 2: while in a relationship.
3:31
Speaker 1: Really yeah, or you're like pursuing it knowing that it's wrong, Like.
3:36
Speaker 3: You can't really called something. I need to look it up.
3:39
Speaker 2: There's this thing that it's called when you like like overlap,
3:44
Speaker 2: you like soft launch a relationship before you've ended a relationship.
3:47
Speaker 1: Have you heard of this? What is it called?
3:50
Speaker 4: Let me look it up.
3:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's like a full like.
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Speaker 3: Internet name for it. Monkey branching, that's it.
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Speaker 4: That's it when you like holding on to one branch
4:01
Speaker 4: and you're going for the next branch, but you haven't
4:05
Speaker 4: let go of the other branch, but you're like, oh,
4:08
Speaker 4: I've already got a new branch.
4:10
Speaker 3: That's the only That's when I would say, naughty, naughty,
4:15
Speaker 3: don't do that.
4:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, Like if you're unsatisfied with your relationship and
4:22
Speaker 1: then you're like testing the waters with somebody else while
4:25
Speaker 1: you're still in a relationship. Yeah, Because I think a
4:27
Speaker 1: lot of people and I'm not saying that this is you.
4:29
Speaker 1: I'm just saying it's just on the topic of comping
4:32
Speaker 1: to talk. And I definitely have known people in my life.
4:35
Speaker 2: I've known people who are monkey branch too, and I
4:38
Speaker 2: think as well, like you, it's scary to be alone.
4:41
Speaker 1: That's the thing.
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Speaker 2: So this is what it says, is people monkey branch
4:43
Speaker 2: because they fear being alone. They have a deep discomfort
4:46
Speaker 2: with being single, and it drives the need to secure
4:49
Speaker 2: the next person first conflict avoidance. People use a new
4:52
Speaker 2: connection as a safety net to avoid the difficult emotions
4:56
Speaker 2: and conversations of clean breakup and three emotional outs. So
5:00
Speaker 2: they're seeking validation, comfort, or intimacy from a new source
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Speaker 2: before doing the hard work of ending the old commitment.
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Speaker 3: So like, I do think.
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Speaker 2: I don't think if you've ever monkey branched in your
5:13
Speaker 2: entire life, like you're the worst person, unless you're like,
5:15
Speaker 2: you know.
5:16
Speaker 3: We can grow, we can learn.
5:18
Speaker 2: But if you're doing that, if you feel like you're
5:21
Speaker 2: moving on and you need to set up the next
5:24
Speaker 2: step of a relationship, there's obviously like internal work that
5:28
Speaker 2: needs to happen.
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Speaker 3: I don't think that's what's happening.
5:30
Speaker 2: With this chick because she's she's it seems as though
5:34
Speaker 2: it's more just I have a work crush, but I
5:36
Speaker 2: love my boyfriend.
5:38
Speaker 3: Am I doing something wrong?
5:39
Speaker 1: But I think that's kind of what you have to do,
5:42
Speaker 1: is like really like really reflect.
5:47
Speaker 2: And a new and sparkly though, Like, yeah, that's all
5:51
Speaker 2: it is that, you know, I don't think unless you know.
5:55
Speaker 2: But she says she's happy in a relationship, right, Yeah,
5:57
Speaker 2: Like if you are unhappy in your relationship and you
6:01
Speaker 2: know they weren't very nice to you, you fought all
6:04
Speaker 2: the time, or you wanted different things, your values it
6:07
Speaker 2: weren't the same. Then I'd be like, you know, I
6:10
Speaker 2: think this is more about the fact that you're unhappy
6:12
Speaker 2: in your relationship. But I feel like this is just
6:15
Speaker 2: the workplace riz doing its thing.
6:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's important to ask yourself, like, how
6:21
Speaker 1: serious do you really think this crush is? How long
6:23
Speaker 1: has it been going on and you've been feeling this
6:26
Speaker 1: way if you weren't in a relationship, and would you
6:29
Speaker 1: pursue would you pursue something? And also that might just
6:33
Speaker 1: fuel the crush though, well maybe there's something there then,
6:38
Speaker 1: or I'm also like, if you saw this person on
6:41
Speaker 1: a dating app or on you went out, would you
6:45
Speaker 1: pursue it? Or is it just the fact that like
6:48
Speaker 1: everybody else at your work is, you know, like a
6:51
Speaker 1: fifty year old man and then there's like one other
6:53
Speaker 1: person one of your person who's relatively attractive in your age.
6:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe like a six out of ten, and you're like,
6:59
Speaker 2: well it's a nine. Yeah, six out of ten is
7:02
Speaker 2: a nine out of ten in the workplace.
7:04
Speaker 3: Yeah, facts same at the airport.
7:07
Speaker 1: But I just think that it's important to well, firstly,
7:10
Speaker 1: you've acknowledged that you have a crush. I think that
7:13
Speaker 1: is a big step. But also just setting those boundaries
7:17
Speaker 1: for yourself. I think like asking yourself some of those
7:19
Speaker 1: questions can help you, Like take maybe the rose colored
7:21
Speaker 1: glasses for.
7:21
Speaker 2: A little bit and be like, ah, actually think about
7:24
Speaker 2: the crash that annoys you.
7:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, give yourself the ick, give yourself the ick.
7:28
Speaker 2: Like, look at his socks. Socks are a great place
7:31
Speaker 2: to start, Yeah, socks.
7:32
Speaker 1: Does he wear or does he like bring tun nine in? Yeah?
7:35
Speaker 3: Does he chew? Does he bite his fork when he
7:37
Speaker 3: eats his food?
7:38
Speaker 1: Does he leave his dishes in the sink?
7:40
Speaker 4: Yeah?
7:41
Speaker 1: Yeah?
7:42
Speaker 3: Does he like man spread when he sits at his desk?
7:45
Speaker 1: Actually?
7:45
Speaker 3: Wait, that might actually turn you on a little bit.
7:48
Speaker 1: True, true, But I honestly think do those things, but
7:51
Speaker 1: like know the boundaries like don't flirt, Yeah, be wary
7:57
Speaker 1: of the Christmas party, don't go to the Chris party,
8:00
Speaker 1: and don't anything like that.
8:02
Speaker 2: Avoided it all costs. Yeah, yeah, you'll be right. You
8:06
Speaker 2: sound like like the fact that you're even like I
8:09
Speaker 2: had a dream of a bad person like.
8:11
Speaker 3: You sound really sweet.
8:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think if you're thinking about it and
8:15
Speaker 1: seeing this person a lot like it's only natural that
8:17
Speaker 1: they're gonna appear in your dream. Maybe just maybe just
8:21
Speaker 1: avoid them a little bit, I think so try and sthetically. Yeah,
8:25
Speaker 1: because crushes can either they'll like burn out over time,
8:30
Speaker 1: or they can just get more intense with the proximity.
8:33
Speaker 1: So I think that quit your job putting a boundary
8:37
Speaker 1: between you and this person whatever.
8:40
Speaker 3: That's my advice, all right.
8:49
Speaker 2: Dilemma number two, Okay, Okay, I have a small dilemma
8:53
Speaker 2: that is probably making me more stress than it should.
8:56
Speaker 2: I'm only eighteen and just graduated high school, so in theory, this.
8:58
Speaker 3: Should be my prime social time.
9:00
Speaker 2: Yet I'm finding not many friends putting in effort anymore
9:03
Speaker 2: to see me, let alone text me. And although I'm
9:06
Speaker 2: trying my best that you need to put myself out there,
9:09
Speaker 2: I'm finding no one is giving me the same energy
9:11
Speaker 2: I'm looking for. I'm stuck because I don't know if
9:13
Speaker 2: I'm overreacting or not. I feel like I'm thinking too
9:16
Speaker 2: hard about it. And every weekend I don't need to
9:18
Speaker 2: be invited to something, but I can't remember the last
9:21
Speaker 2: time one of my girlfriends asked me to do something
9:23
Speaker 2: and organized it rather than them saying we should and
9:26
Speaker 2: I take the step to actually make it happen. It's
9:29
Speaker 2: been a lot of we should do something, yet no
9:32
Speaker 2: follow ups.
9:33
Speaker 3: I feel like social media in.
9:34
Speaker 2: Particular puts a lot of pressure on me to always
9:37
Speaker 2: be out and about with people, so I try my
9:39
Speaker 2: best to disconnect. But it's hard when you see people
9:42
Speaker 2: out all the time together or purely always texting each
9:45
Speaker 2: other to not compare yourself and wonder where you're going
9:48
Speaker 2: wrong in your friendships. I'm unsure if my expectations are
9:51
Speaker 2: just too high and it's too much to ask for.
9:53
Speaker 2: But it feels like I've never met anyone that puts
9:55
Speaker 2: as much effort into friendships as me. But is this
9:59
Speaker 2: just my ego took I'm wanting any advice on what
10:02
Speaker 2: to do, how to feel all the realities of changing
10:05
Speaker 2: friendships as you leave school. I know I'm on the
10:07
Speaker 2: younger side, but seeing myself as a lot older mentally,
10:10
Speaker 2: I'm constantly waiting for that hey, you want to do
10:12
Speaker 2: something this weekend takes but it just never seems to come.
10:15
Speaker 2: Do I just wait it out until I get older.
10:18
Speaker 2: I just don't want to be missing out because I'm.
10:20
Speaker 3: Sick of doing things myself.
10:21
Speaker 2: But I'm getting so drained from no one giving me
10:24
Speaker 2: any effort I give them, Sorry, cheeks.
10:26
Speaker 3: I hope that makes sense.
10:27
Speaker 2: It's very confusing, and I'm still figuring out how I'm
10:30
Speaker 2: meant to feel.
10:31
Speaker 3: I want to crawl through the phone.
10:32
Speaker 1: You wrong me too? That makes complete sense, yes, And
10:37
Speaker 1: I think like thousands of people are literally listening to
10:42
Speaker 1: this right now saying, yeah, I've been there or I'm
10:45
Speaker 1: there right now, Like this is, I would say, like
10:48
Speaker 1: an entirely universal experience, and not to say that that
10:51
Speaker 1: diminishes how that makes you feel, but just to let
10:54
Speaker 1: you know that you are absolutely not the only person
10:57
Speaker 1: who feels this way, and that it's not a forever
10:59
Speaker 1: fe as well.
11:00
Speaker 3: One thousand percent.
11:02
Speaker 1: We spoke about this quite a bit in our book,
11:05
Speaker 1: Finding Your People, and that expectation. I think, especially in
11:09
Speaker 1: transitioning from high school into your early twenties, it's like
11:13
Speaker 1: your first real chance of freedom and like you're not
11:18
Speaker 1: just seeing your friends.
11:20
Speaker 2: It means effort needs to be in there, whereas like
11:23
Speaker 2: when you're in school or things like that, it's you
11:25
Speaker 2: don't actually need to organize to.
11:27
Speaker 3: See people because you just go when you see people.
11:29
Speaker 2: It's the same with work friendships, you know, like this
11:32
Speaker 2: actually happens the whole way through life. That like maybe
11:35
Speaker 2: you've got a work with and you see each other
11:38
Speaker 2: every day work, but if one of you gets a
11:39
Speaker 2: different job, in order to maintain the friendship and relationship,
11:42
Speaker 2: you both need to put in effort.
11:44
Speaker 3: And so from what she's.
11:46
Speaker 2: Saying is like, I'm always the one that's putting in
11:49
Speaker 2: that effort. And I've had so many friendships like that
11:52
Speaker 2: throughout life, and it's not a reflection of anyone that
11:57
Speaker 2: if they feel like people don't put in effort to them.
12:00
Speaker 2: I don't like the whole narrative that it's like, oh,
12:02
Speaker 2: if someone doesn't have a bunch of friends or a
12:04
Speaker 2: bunch of group of friends from high school, then like
12:06
Speaker 2: they're the problem, because like friendships are hard, friendships are difficult,
12:10
Speaker 2: and just saying that that means someone's a bad egg
12:13
Speaker 2: is such a rogue take. In my eyes, you know
12:17
Speaker 2: you will absolutely find people, but I don't think your
12:20
Speaker 2: expectations are too high.
12:22
Speaker 1: Like I have also been felt like I.
12:25
Speaker 2: Was the person in friendships that always wanted to see
12:28
Speaker 2: people and hang out. And I don't necessarily think that
12:31
Speaker 2: some friendships got that. And I did have moments throughout
12:34
Speaker 2: my early twenties where I went, Okay, I'm actually not
12:37
Speaker 2: going to send the message to hang out and see
12:40
Speaker 2: if we actually do ever end up hanging out, and
12:42
Speaker 2: some of those friendships dwindled. Some of those friendships didn't
12:45
Speaker 2: end up making, you know, going the distance, because that
12:48
Speaker 2: effort wasn't there, and that was effort I wanted. Some
12:51
Speaker 2: people don't always want that, Like, some people don't want
12:55
Speaker 2: or need that from friendships, and it's not necessarily a
12:57
Speaker 2: bad thing. Some people are happy to not kind of
13:02
Speaker 2: talk every day or see friends as often, and they
13:05
Speaker 2: will have their like low maintenance friendships. That's fine, they
13:08
Speaker 2: can vibe over there. But if you want more present friendships,
13:12
Speaker 2: that's not having expectations that are too high at least
13:15
Speaker 2: I don't think.
13:16
Speaker 1: No, I don't think so. I think it's also just
13:18
Speaker 1: recognizing that, yeah, people have different level of expectations and
13:23
Speaker 1: in terms of like effort and what that looks like
13:25
Speaker 1: and what that should be in friendships. But if you
13:29
Speaker 1: really do care about these friendships and these people and
13:33
Speaker 1: you do still want to evolve those friendships and carry
13:36
Speaker 1: them into like your twenties and beyond, it is sometimes
13:41
Speaker 1: worth bringing up the conversation. Like I do think that
13:44
Speaker 1: you can go the route of like, all right, well,
13:46
Speaker 1: I'm just I won't text and see if they.
13:48
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's necessarily like the route that
13:52
Speaker 2: I would take now in like my thirties, But that's
13:55
Speaker 2: like something that you know, was more.
13:58
Speaker 1: I think that's a valid thing though, if that's what
14:00
Speaker 1: you want to do, if you're like I want to
14:02
Speaker 1: just see and then if it doesn't happen, then it's
14:04
Speaker 1: not meant to be. Yeah, you don't have to do
14:06
Speaker 1: it out of spite and be like see.
14:07
Speaker 3: But that's the thing is, that's not what I want
14:09
Speaker 3: to be.
14:09
Speaker 2: I don't want to be recommended to being like, don't
14:11
Speaker 2: message anyone, and then if they're to a message.
14:12
Speaker 3: You, then they're a shitbrand.
14:14
Speaker 2: Because what the floor in that is that there might
14:17
Speaker 2: be something going on in friends' lives that you don't
14:19
Speaker 2: know about it.
14:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I was going to say, is that
14:22
Speaker 1: it is worth bringing it up and whether that is
14:26
Speaker 1: like I've in my experience, I had something in my
14:30
Speaker 1: early twenties and I hadn't heard from somebody in a
14:33
Speaker 1: really long time, and I you know, I think I
14:36
Speaker 1: sent them like two messages and didn't get a response,
14:39
Speaker 1: and then I just figured, you know what, like I
14:43
Speaker 1: do want this friendship to work, and I want to
14:46
Speaker 1: see what's going on and maybe have I done something
14:48
Speaker 1: or is there something else going on? So I just
14:51
Speaker 1: sent another follow up message and said, hey, like, I
14:54
Speaker 1: noticed that you haven't responded to my last two messages.
14:59
Speaker 1: Is everything okay? And then that person opened up and said, hey,
15:02
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I have been so busy with work.
15:06
Speaker 1: I've got a lot of things going on.
15:08
Speaker 2: You know.
15:08
Speaker 1: They had some things going on with their relationship and
15:10
Speaker 1: family at the time, and they basically were like, I
15:13
Speaker 1: forgot to reply. And then the longer that it took
15:15
Speaker 1: for me to reply, the more guilty I felt. And
15:18
Speaker 1: then I didn't know how to reach out, and it
15:20
Speaker 1: just fell onto the two yeah, the too hard I.
15:23
Speaker 3: Need yeah, And then the longer it goes, you're like yeah.
15:27
Speaker 1: Or they were like, and you know, like, I've got
15:29
Speaker 1: a lot going on. So I didn't want to be like, oh,
15:31
Speaker 1: we should hang out soon, knowing that I don't have
15:34
Speaker 1: the bandwidth to actually do that, and I was like,
15:36
Speaker 1: that is completely fair enough. But it's like in those instances,
15:41
Speaker 1: like it just you don't exactly you don't know what
15:44
Speaker 1: the other person may be thinking, or they might not
15:46
Speaker 1: even realize that you know, they're swept up in something
15:48
Speaker 1: else in their life and that they haven't been putting
15:50
Speaker 1: that effort in. So it can be as much as
15:54
Speaker 1: just having like a gentle conversation and you're not accusing them.
15:57
Speaker 1: You're literally just checking in to make sure that they're
15:59
Speaker 1: okay and see if you guys are on the same page.
16:01
Speaker 1: And then I think if they don't respond to that,
16:03
Speaker 1: or if you're not happy with the response and it's
16:06
Speaker 1: like okay, well maybe it's you can reevaluate where you
16:08
Speaker 1: want the friendship to go.
16:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think in that conversation you don't need
16:12
Speaker 2: to turn around and being like you never text me,
16:14
Speaker 2: I always make the effort to hang out. You can
16:16
Speaker 2: use phrases like it makes me feel really considered when
16:21
Speaker 2: people you know initiate plans with me, or I really
16:24
Speaker 2: value in friendship when you know people text me to
16:28
Speaker 2: hang out on the weekend and make plans. Yeah, So,
16:30
Speaker 2: like there are ways that you can word it, so
16:32
Speaker 2: it's not like you dog, you can really word it
16:36
Speaker 2: in a way that strengthens and enriches the friendship moving
16:40
Speaker 2: forward rather than being like, you don't do this, it
16:43
Speaker 2: make me said, you know, and then once you kind
16:46
Speaker 2: of have that conversation, and then if things don't change,
16:49
Speaker 2: then maybe it's worth recognizing and seeing like, Okay, I
16:52
Speaker 2: can see this is like a low maintenance friendship. It's
16:54
Speaker 2: a swing in, swing out kind of vibe. And I
16:57
Speaker 2: have friendships like that now.
16:58
Speaker 1: Like that.
17:00
Speaker 2: You know, there's people that I don't really hear from
17:01
Speaker 2: them often, and that's fine.
17:04
Speaker 3: When I do hear from them, the door's always open.
17:07
Speaker 2: I'm always like, yeah, absolutely love to hear it.
17:09
Speaker 1: How are you?
17:10
Speaker 3: What's going on? And then there are friends that I
17:13
Speaker 3: call every day.
17:14
Speaker 2: On the morning when I'm on my way to work,
17:16
Speaker 2: you know that I'm like, how are you, what's the tea,
17:18
Speaker 2: what's going on, what's the reb Yeah, and like that
17:20
Speaker 2: I talk to every day and they call me back
17:23
Speaker 2: that there. They are just going to be different levels
17:25
Speaker 2: of investment with some friendships and you maybe just haven't
17:28
Speaker 2: found those people that.
17:29
Speaker 3: Have that same level of investment.
17:30
Speaker 2: Yet it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. I
17:32
Speaker 2: didn't really find like my people until my late twenties,
17:35
Speaker 2: So like doesn't mean that you're weird and have like
17:38
Speaker 2: devil horns and a forked tongue, which if you do.
17:42
Speaker 3: Call me, yes, but it would be a great time.
17:44
Speaker 3: So that's my workplace crush never And I.
17:48
Speaker 1: Just think it's worth like having those conversations, but also
17:51
Speaker 1: knowing that going from high school into your tears and
17:54
Speaker 1: just into every different stage of your life, it's real
17:57
Speaker 1: normal for your friendships to evolve. And you are beach,
18:00
Speaker 1: you are baby, you.
18:01
Speaker 2: Are going to meet so many people, like even now,
18:05
Speaker 2: like we're thirty, right prehistoric, but there there are so
18:09
Speaker 2: many things that are going to happen forward in our
18:11
Speaker 2: lives where we're going to meet so many other friends
18:15
Speaker 2: and new friends. Yeah, even just thinking the last year
18:17
Speaker 2: of like you know, people that we've met and developed
18:20
Speaker 2: friendships with, it's it's constantly there and constantly ongoing. And
18:24
Speaker 2: I do think she is doing the right steps, like
18:27
Speaker 2: disconnecting from her phone, because it is really hard when
18:31
Speaker 2: you're feeling lonely, Like if it's a Friday night, no
18:33
Speaker 2: one's asked you to hang out, you don't have any plans,
18:35
Speaker 2: and you're watching Instagram stories of everyone else having fun.
18:39
Speaker 2: Throw the phone in the ocean, Like it's it's really hard,
18:42
Speaker 2: especially then when you know, then you put on the
18:44
Speaker 2: TV and you're watching something like Friends or.
18:47
Speaker 1: Like God, Sex and the City. Yeah, and you're like.
18:49
Speaker 2: I just want my clan and it's like they're out there.
18:52
Speaker 2: You will find them and.
18:54
Speaker 3: Put yourself out there. Basically have the door open.
18:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that. Okay. Dilemma number three.
19:08
Speaker 3: Ooh, this one looks juicy?
19:10
Speaker 2: Should I be annoyed? My boyfriend proposed on Christmas? I
19:15
Speaker 2: feel bad saying this, but it's been eight months and
19:17
Speaker 2: I'm still kind of pissed. Basically, my boyfriend proposed to
19:20
Speaker 2: me on Christmas morning as my Christmas present, So not
19:25
Speaker 2: only will our engagement always be overshadowed by Christmas family
19:28
Speaker 2: lunches and ham but I also didn't get like a
19:33
Speaker 2: proper Christmas present. My mom said it's a sweet and
19:37
Speaker 2: a cute tradition, but my friend said it's like he
19:39
Speaker 2: did at Buy one, get one free? Ah?
19:41
Speaker 3: Am I being silly? Or am I valid?
19:46
Speaker 2: Would you be annoyed if your boyfriend proposed on Christmas?
19:51
Speaker 1: Because I think I would be. I don't think I would.
19:57
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would be annoyed it's not idea.
20:01
Speaker 1: I think that if you'd get up, I think it's
20:03
Speaker 1: better to save if you can any sort of like
20:08
Speaker 1: proposal or wedding or annivers like anything that's going to
20:12
Speaker 1: have an anniversary in future for its own day. I agree,
20:15
Speaker 1: So I didn't give it deserves and the time that
20:18
Speaker 1: it deserves. But I also think that it could be worse.
20:21
Speaker 3: He could have done it at someone else's wedding exactly.
20:24
Speaker 1: No, but I.
20:25
Speaker 2: Think no proposals on like birthdays, no proposals on Christmas,
20:30
Speaker 2: no proposals on like someone else's day.
20:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, And because I'm like, what was the inspiration here?
20:37
Speaker 1: Because I'm like, are you big Christmas girl? And so that,
20:40
Speaker 1: so he's like, you love Christmas? I wanted to do
20:43
Speaker 1: it on like your favorite day of Yeah, Like what
20:46
Speaker 1: was the motivation behind it? Because it's supposed to it
20:49
Speaker 1: could have been supposed to have been romantic and sweet,
20:53
Speaker 1: not a like buy one, get one free kind of yeah.
20:57
Speaker 1: And also wedding rings are also real, really expensive. So
21:01
Speaker 1: if I got proposed to on Christmas Day, I don't
21:04
Speaker 1: know if I would be mad if I didn't get
21:07
Speaker 1: a Christmas present, I didn't get another Christmas.
21:09
Speaker 2: Present, because then I'm I was going to be getting
21:11
Speaker 2: a ring anyway, whether it was on Christmas or not.
21:15
Speaker 1: So now I didn't get the Christmas present.
21:18
Speaker 2: If it's a budget thing, then short follow that's what
21:20
Speaker 2: I made. But like, if it's a budget thing of
21:22
Speaker 2: being like I just spent this much money on a ring,
21:24
Speaker 2: I can't really afford a Christmas present, then that's a
21:27
Speaker 2: different story. But make a coupon book or something like,
21:31
Speaker 2: you can do something else. I'm like, I don't want No,
21:35
Speaker 2: I want a Christmas present too, and then I agree.
21:38
Speaker 2: Then it's like your day that you you know, we
21:42
Speaker 2: got engaged. That day is also then very likely to
21:46
Speaker 2: be spent then surrounded by other people, which like maybe
21:49
Speaker 2: that's your vibe, not saying not, but like you don't
21:51
Speaker 2: get to go out and have like a picnic together and.
21:55
Speaker 3: Be like, oh, this is the day we got engaged.
21:57
Speaker 2: No, you go on to a family merrin exto hours.
22:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, screaming kids and full tummies.
22:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think that's the thing. It just depends on, like, yeah,
22:10
Speaker 1: where the motivation came from and your feelings around it,
22:13
Speaker 1: which obviously you're not happy with it, Yeah exactly. But
22:17
Speaker 1: at the same time, like, what can you do about it?
22:19
Speaker 1: It's already been done?
22:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, could you?
22:22
Speaker 2: I feel like as well, there are probably people out
22:24
Speaker 2: there that have been proposed to on Christmas and they're like,
22:26
Speaker 2: I loved.
22:27
Speaker 3: It, it was the best day.
22:27
Speaker 2: Every puppy. Don't buy me a ring on Christmas. That's
22:31
Speaker 2: the thing I want to open like a little kitten.
22:33
Speaker 3: Don't buy puppies for Christmas.
22:35
Speaker 1: That's actually really bad advice.
22:36
Speaker 2: I've just been trying to recreate the opening scene of
22:38
Speaker 2: the Lady in the Tramp for like a.
22:39
Speaker 1: Whole my entire life.
22:41
Speaker 3: So that's just a personal dream of mine.
22:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, I think obviously she doesn't like it,
22:48
Speaker 2: but you can maybe just say, can we move the anniversary?
22:54
Speaker 2: Maybe you do people celebrate the anniversary of their properties.
22:57
Speaker 1: Or their proposal.
22:58
Speaker 3: I don't know I would, but.
22:59
Speaker 1: That to me because I like, are you celebrating like
23:02
Speaker 1: the day that you got together, like you became official
23:06
Speaker 1: boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever. You're celebrating the day that
23:10
Speaker 1: you get proposed to, and then also the day you
23:12
Speaker 1: get married, and then also like probably Valentine's Day?
23:16
Speaker 2: Oh true, Like there's a lot of four days a
23:18
Speaker 2: year that's not enough.
23:20
Speaker 1: And then your birth and then both of your birthdays.
23:22
Speaker 1: I've just made. I am like, I just.
23:23
Speaker 3: Don't know how celebrate their engagements do that.
23:26
Speaker 1: I don't know they might. I'm just like, as long
23:29
Speaker 1: as maybe you're not having like your wedding on Christmas Day, yeah,
23:32
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Now, some people get married
23:35
Speaker 1: on like the anniversary of their of their engagement. Yeah,
23:38
Speaker 1: like some people do that.
23:40
Speaker 2: Yeah.
23:40
Speaker 3: No, I think that's a good point.
23:41
Speaker 2: So maybe like that's also a comfort that it's like,
23:44
Speaker 2: moving forward, you'll probably be celebrating your wedding anniversary more
23:50
Speaker 2: than your proposal anniversary.
23:51
Speaker 3: But I get it. I think she's valid.
23:54
Speaker 1: I would be just how she feels exactly.
23:57
Speaker 3: I would be like, go get me a Christmas present.
24:00
Speaker 1: I'd be like, it's not ideal and you still own
24:04
Speaker 1: me a present? Yeah? Or I'd be like, haha, did
24:07
Speaker 1: she you owe me two presents?
24:08
Speaker 3: Yeah, because then he'd be like, I got you a
24:11
Speaker 3: thousand dollars. But I'm like, that's the thing you're getting
24:13
Speaker 3: the ring anyway.
24:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, the thing as well.
24:16
Speaker 2: I think she still should have got a Christmas present, yeah,
24:20
Speaker 2: even if it was something.
24:22
Speaker 1: Yeah. But I guess the other thing that I sometimes
24:24
Speaker 1: feel weird about like engagements in some situations is because
24:28
Speaker 1: like only one person gets a really expensive ring. So
24:32
Speaker 1: one person is throwing down heaps of money for something
24:34
Speaker 1: and then the other person doesn't actually get it's not reciprocated.
24:38
Speaker 1: It's like then you buy them a really expensive ring too.
24:42
Speaker 1: So even if you're being like, oh, well I only
24:44
Speaker 1: got the engagement ring. I didn't get a Christmas present,
24:46
Speaker 1: they're also like, well I didn't get an engagement ring.
24:49
Speaker 1: So I guess it's just the way that you look
24:51
Speaker 1: at it. Yeah, And I would just hope that maybe
24:56
Speaker 1: it was like a harmless Yeah.
24:57
Speaker 3: I don't think it was.
24:59
Speaker 2: I don't think think it was an intentional by one
25:02
Speaker 2: get one free.
25:03
Speaker 1: Yeah. But I think as a general rule, no proposals
25:09
Speaker 1: that are associated with any other special day, Yeah, birthday, Christmas,
25:13
Speaker 1: my own special day, unless you've explicitly.
25:16
Speaker 2: Stated that that's important, dream to get engaged on Christmas,
25:22
Speaker 2: unless that's like a sad note of conversations.
25:26
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can stick to the king, I think so, But.
25:29
Speaker 1: I want to hear what.
25:30
Speaker 3: Yes, I wonder what.
25:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, because obviously we're both spinsters.
25:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the thing.
25:37
Speaker 2: We're not engaged, So maybe we don't really know what loves.
25:43
Speaker 3: Nobody likes us.
25:45
Speaker 1: Left nobody likes us. But thank you so much to
25:49
Speaker 1: the chicks who sent in your dilemmas. We always really
25:53
Speaker 1: appreciate and trust you sending them in and for you
25:56
Speaker 1: trusting us with your with our advice, then we give
25:58
Speaker 1: you and as always, keep an eye out on your
26:02
Speaker 1: inbox because we'll be sending you some little prize packs
26:04
Speaker 1: to say thank you for sending them in, and if
26:07
Speaker 1: you have a dilemma, we'll also include a link in
26:09
Speaker 1: the show notes so you can send yours in if
26:11
Speaker 1: you want us to answer it on the show. Yeah,
26:13
Speaker 1: love your chicks, thanks for having us in here. Hell's
26:16
Speaker 1: love to be here. Bye bye no