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What happens when YOU have to apologize to a Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about what happens and how do
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  narcissists treat treat you when you have to apologize to them,
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  when you when you're in the wrong.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Yes, the like, yeah, seriously,
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  this is what happens. This is what goes on.
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  This is the the dynamic. Because a lot of people ask me
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  what what what happens when you when a narcissist, Do
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  narcissists ever apologize to you?
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  A lot of people ask that question.
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  I have videos on that topic. Today we're going to be focusing
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  on when you have to apologize to a narcissist, when you have to
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  reach out to this, when you have to say sorry to them because
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  you're actually in the wrong. Like how do they handle it?
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  I know what everybody going to say like leave.
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  I'll never apologize to them because they never apologize to
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  me. I look, I understand that
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  mindset. I get it, right?
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  I get it. Equal rights, equal fights,
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  right? You know what I'm saying?
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  I get it, I truly do. That's one of the things that my
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  mind, it makes sense. But some of y'all would like to
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  apologize to a narcissist. You want to know how it would
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  go? Listen closely y'all.
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  They will never forgive you. There, I said it.
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  If they feel like you've wronged them and you apologize, now they
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  have proof and evidence that you have done something wrong to
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  them and they will absolutely, positively rooting tootingly
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  hold that thing against you forever like you had.
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  It's like, y'all, it's pretty much like a a mark on your
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  permanent record. You know how you talk about
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  permanent records in school? This is now a mark on your
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  permanent record. They will you, they will never
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  get past this. It doesn't matter how small it
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  is, how big it is, they will never ever get past it.
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  They will never ever release you.
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  They will never, ever, like, say they will never get past it.
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  They will never do. Like, yeah, there's so many
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  things that are going on. They absolutely keep doing this
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  stuff right here. And like, they won't let it go.
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  And guess what happens? Because they won't let it go.
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  They will treat you like you're just a liar, like you a bad
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  person for the rest of your existence, for the rest of your
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  time in this relationship dynamic or out of it.
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  Because you like, if you get out of it, if you even if you leave
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  them and you have to somehow maintain some type of contact
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  with them, they will still hold this against you.
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  Like it's not. They're never going to forgive
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  you for it. They will never ever.
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  They might say, well, I they might say, I accept your
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  apology, but guess what happens? They are going to bring it up.
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  It's not the same as when you, when they, when they apologizing
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  to you, they expect to never hear it again, right?
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  They expect for you to never, ever bring it up again.
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  Like, yeah, you, I apologize to you.
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  You got to let it go. I did this.
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  You got to let it go. You got to, you got to free me.
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  You got to do this. You got to do that.
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  They'll say, they'll hammer away at you and tell you that you,
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  like I said, that you have to let it go, That you could never
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  bring up what they've done wrong.
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  But I'll be damned. They're going to absolutely
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  bring up what you've done wrong. Absolutely, they're going to
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  absolutely use it against you for the rest of your existence.
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  Like you would never get past this with them.
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  They will absolutely bring it up every single time.
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  Like if they if they are in a bad mood and they're just trying
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  to antagonize you, they'll just bring up whatever you've done
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  wrong. And a lot of times right here,
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  y'all, they will want you to apologize.
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  It would improve with proof. They will want you to apologize
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  to them with proof. They will want, they want to see
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  it in writing or e-mail or they want you.
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  They want you to record a video of you saying sorry so they can
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  show everybody how wrong you've done, how wrong you've been, how
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  they they are the somehow they are the victim here because of
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  you. They are they are your like
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  y'all, they're going to treat you like you the narcissist,
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  right? They're going to treat you like
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  they are the victim in this circumstance.
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  And guess what else happens? Y'all guess?
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  Guess what? Guess what else happens?
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  They use whatever you have done to them.
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  They used it as a reason. They used it as an excuse to do
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  stuff to you. They use it as an excuse to do
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  things to you because now all this stuff is going on.
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  They can use that. Well, I cheated on you because
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  remember you did that. Remember you apologize to me for
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  doing that. I never got over that.
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  No matter how small it is, It's not like you cheated on.
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  Like, you might not have cheated on them, you might have forgot
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  to remove a picture, you might have done something small that
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  you had to apologize. You felt the need to apologize
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  for, right? You feel guilty, you apologize.
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  So they will take your apology and use it, use it as ammunition
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  to treat you badly. They will take your apology and
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  use it as a reason to do bad things to you.
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  They will absolutely do that. They will absolutely put you
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  through it. They will actually absolutely
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  take you through the ringer in these situations and whatnot.
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  They absolutely will. This is what they do, y'all?
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  This is what they do. This is why how they do it.
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  They will absolutely, they'll go out there and cheat on you or
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  stay out late at night or do whatever they want to do and
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  blame you for it, right? They, they, they blame you for
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  it. They put it on to you.
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  They absolutely put it on you like this is your fault.
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  You drove us apart because you did this, remember?
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  You did this, remember you did that, blah, blah blah, Boo Boo,
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  Boo BBB. They will tell you that you've
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  done so something so heinous to them that they can never get
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  over it. They can never forgive you,
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  right? They can never and will never
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  forgive you for what you've done to them, what you've put them
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  through, how you've handled the situation.
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  They can never and will never get past it, and they will
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  absolutely use it as a reason to treat you badly.
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  I know you might have a good heart.
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  You might just be feeling like you might be feeling good about
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  feeling good by yourself. You might be a good person,
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  right? So you feel compelled to
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  apologize and tell the truth to them all the time.
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  But yeah, this is not me trying to convince you to be
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  manipulative or deceptive or anything like that.
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  If you do something minor to a narcissist, I let me keep it
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  real. I feel like if you do something
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  minor to them, you shouldn't tell them about it.
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  Well, Lee, I don't. I'm not a liar.
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  You're it doesn't like to. Lee, you're trying to convince
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  us to be narcissist and be deceptive.
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  OK, never mind. Go ahead and go tell them.
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  Go ahead and go tell them everything you've done wrong so
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  you can give them ammunition to treat you badly.
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  They're already going to treat you badly anyway.
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  You want to add fuel to the fire?
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  The fire already burning. The relationship is already
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  burning. You want to add some gasoline to
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  it? I feel like if you do something
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  minor that is like super minor, like I don't know what minor is
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  to you, you minor is going to be different to everybody, right?
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  If you tell a lot to them because you're afraid of their
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  reaction, like if you like, did you get McDonald's?
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  I thought you said you never going to eat McDonald's again.
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  We don't allow McDonald's in this damn house.
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  If you got McDonald's, I'm going to hit you.
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  You got some chicken Nuggets in your pocket, right?
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  You got some chicken Nuggets in your pocket and some bar.
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  You got some chicken Nuggets in one pocket, some BBQ sauce in
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  the other one. I don't know why they're in your
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  pocket, but they're they are there because you're scary.
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  They they eat pocket because you're scared so you just like
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  no, I didn't I didn't have any McDonald's.
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  I don't think you should I I think that's OK because you
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  feared for your life. You feared in that situation.
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  You're scared you're afraid of what they're going to do so I
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  don't think me personally, I don't see an issue with that
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  right. I don't see a problem with that
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  in that situation right there. I that's needed me that y'all
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  that's just me personally, I don't see an issue with that.
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  I don't see a problem with that like you have to protect
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  yourself protect yourself first. Y'all think of the
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  repercussions. I know you might.
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  You might feel good, like at least I apologize, but now
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  they're going to hold it over your head forever.
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  Yeah, you apologize, you feel good.
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  You have a clean, you have a clean conscience, but you're
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  going to have a disruptive or disrupted relationship.
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  You have a clean conscience, but no more peace because they're
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  going to hold this against you forever.
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  You see what I'm saying? They're going to hold this
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  against you forever. They're going to keep doing the
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  same things over and over again because it benefits them in some
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  way, shape or form. They're going to keep doing it.
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  I know I keep saying this, but why would they?
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  If it works, why would they stop, right?
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  If it works for them, why would it stop?
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  If it works for you, why would it stop in this space, in this
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  relationship dynamic? Why would it stop?
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  Why would it free? Why would it release?
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  You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying?
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  I understand. I so that's what I'm just saying
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  like they're going to keep doing it over and over again.
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  So before you apologize to them, make sure you, hey, make sure
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  you know that you're going to be, this is going to be used
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  against you forever. Like, yeah, it's like the
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  Miranda rights of narcissism. What you say can and will be
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  used against you forever. So think about what you say.
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  You have to watch what you say in these relationships right
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  there. You have to watch what you say
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  in this situation because they will absolutely try to hold you
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  accountable for whatever has happened, whatever you have
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  done, whatever has transpired, they're going to hold you
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  accountable for. So are you preparing for that
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  right there? That's something that you have
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  to ask yourself and reconcile with it, right?
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  That's something that you have to be OK with.
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  That's something that's that could happen, that might not
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  happen. You see what I'm saying?
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  This is something you have to be OK with.
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  And a lot of these different scenarios and a lot of these
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  situations, like I understand you might have a good heart
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  lately. I can't lie.
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  I have to tell the truth, OK, OK.
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  I'm not saying, look, I'm not saying I'm not saying to
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  compromise your integrity as a person, as a human being.
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  What I'm saying is just be careful when you do it right.
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  Be careful when you decide to do it, if you decide to do it,
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  because you just never know when they will just use this against
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  you. You would just never know when
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  they will try to hold you accountable for this.
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  In this situation. You will never know it.
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  They're always going to like you had those chicken Nuggets and
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  that BBQ sauce in your pocket. They're going to have your
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  apology in their pockets. You see what I'm saying?
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  They're always, they're always going to use it against you,
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  y'all. So like, I'm not trying to
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  convince y'all to be a liar or manipulator.
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  I'm just saying be careful what you say to narcissistic people.
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  You have to watch what you say and remember that.
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  Remember the Miranda rights of narcissism.
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  Whatever you say can and will be used against you forever.
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  This is it, y'all. You're apology, even if it's in
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  good faith, if it's, if it is an apology because you feel bad,
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  whatever you say can and absolutely will be used against
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  you in the court of narcissism forever.
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  Anyways, y'all, I appreciate y'all tuning into this episode.
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  I'm extremely thankful for y'all.
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  Make sure you hit that subscribe button y'all, because the
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  podcast is launching soon. The Milton Hill.
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  This podcast is about to launch and take off.
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  I thank y'all so much. I appreciate you.
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  And as always, as always, mental illness is up.
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  Peace, what's going on? Beautiful folks.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I truly appreciate it. You have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, hit that subscribe button.
• 11:09
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  as well. Also, I have coaching my courses
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  and my support group available at www.mentalillness.net.
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  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around,
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  watch another video or two. I appreciate it.
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  I'm out.