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Ann Veronica Chapter 14 - The collapse of the penitent · The H. G. Wells Library

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Speaker 1: Chapter fourteen of Anne Veronica. This is a LibriVox recording.
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Speaker 1: All libriyvox recordings in the public domain. For more information
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Speaker 1: or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Recording by
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Speaker 1: Joy Chan and Veronica by H. G. Wells. Chapter the fourteenth,
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Speaker 1: the Collapse of the Penitent Part one. Spring had held
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Speaker 1: back that year until the dawn of May, and then
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Speaker 1: spring and summer came with a rush together. Two days
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Speaker 1: after this conversation between Manning and and Veronica, Capes came
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Speaker 1: into the laboratory at lunch time and found her alone there,
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Speaker 1: standing by the open window and not even pretending to
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Speaker 1: be doing anything. He came in with his hands in
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Speaker 1: his trousers pockets and a general air of depression in
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Speaker 1: his bearing. He was engaged in detesting Manning and himself
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Speaker 1: in almost equal measure. His face brightened at the sight
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Speaker 1: of her, and he came toward her. What are you doing,
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Speaker 1: he asked, Nothing, said Anne Veronica, and stared over her
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Speaker 1: shoulder out of the window. So am I lassitude, I suppose,
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Speaker 1: so I can't work nor, I said Anne Veronica. Pause.
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Speaker 1: It's the spring, he said, It's the warming up of
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Speaker 1: the year. The coming of the light mornings, the way
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Speaker 1: in which everything begins to run about and begin new things.
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Speaker 1: Work becomes distasteful. One thinks of holidays this year. I've
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Speaker 1: got it badly. I want to get away. I've never
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Speaker 1: wanted to get away so much. Where do you go? Oh,
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Speaker 1: alps climbing? Yes, that's rather a fine sort of holiday.
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Speaker 1: He made no answer for three or four seconds. Yes,
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Speaker 1: he said, I want to get away. I feel at
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Speaker 1: moments as though I could bolt for it. Silly, isn't it? Undisciplined?
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Speaker 1: He went to the window and fidgeted with the blind,
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Speaker 1: looking out to where the tree tops of Regent's Park
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Speaker 1: showed distantly over the houses. He turned round toward her
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Speaker 1: and found her looking at him and standing very still.
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Speaker 1: It's the stir of spring, he said, I believe it is.
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Speaker 1: She glanced out of the window, and the distant trees
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Speaker 1: were a froth of hard spring, green and almond blossom.
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Speaker 1: She formed a wild resolution, and lest she should waver
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Speaker 1: from it, she set about at once to realize it.
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Speaker 1: I've broken off my engagement, she said in a matter
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Speaker 1: of fact tone, and found her heart thumping in her neck.
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Speaker 1: He moved slightly, and she went on with a slight
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Speaker 1: catching of her breath. It's a bother and disturbance, but
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Speaker 1: you see, she had to go through with it now
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Speaker 1: because she could think of nothing but her preconceived words.
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Speaker 1: Her voice was weak and flat. I've fallen in love.
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Speaker 1: He never helped her by a sound. I I didn't
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Speaker 1: love the man I was engaged to, she said. She
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Speaker 1: met his eyes for a moment and could not interpret
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Speaker 1: their expression. They struck her as cold and indifferent. Her
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Speaker 1: heart failed her, and her resolution became water. She remained
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Speaker 1: standing stiffly, unable even to move. She could not look
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Speaker 1: at him through an interval that seemed to her a
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Speaker 1: vast gulf of time, but she felt his lax figure
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Speaker 1: become rigid. At last, his voice came to release her tension.
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Speaker 1: I thought you weren't keeping up to the mark you.
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Speaker 1: It's dolly of you to confide in me. Still, then,
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Speaker 1: with incredible and obviously deliberate stupidity and a voice as
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Speaker 1: flat as her own, he asked, who is the man?
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Speaker 1: Her spirit raged within her at the dumbness, the paralysis
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Speaker 1: that had fallen upon her. Grace, confidence, the power of
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Speaker 1: movement even seemed gone from her. A fever of shame
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Speaker 1: ran through her, being horrible doubts assailed her. She sat
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Speaker 1: down awkwardly and helplessly on one of the little stools
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Speaker 1: by her table and covered her face with her hands.
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Speaker 1: Can't you see how things are? She said Part two.
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Speaker 1: Before Capes could answer her in any way, the door
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Speaker 1: at the end of the laboratory opened noisily, and Miss
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Speaker 1: Clegg appeared. She went to her own table and sat
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Speaker 1: down at the sound of the door, and Veronica uncovered
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Speaker 1: a tearless face and with one swift movement, assumed a
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Speaker 1: conversational attitude. Things hung for a moment in an awkward silence.
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Speaker 1: You see, said Anne Veronica, staring before her at the
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Speaker 1: window sash that what's the form my question takes At
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Speaker 1: the present time. Capes had not quite the same power
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Speaker 1: of recovery. He stood with his hands in his pockets,
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Speaker 1: looking at Miss Claik's back. His face was white. It's
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Speaker 1: it's a difficult question. He appeared to be paralyzed by
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Speaker 1: abstruse acoustic calculations. Then, very awkwardly, he took a stool
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Speaker 1: and placed it at the end of Anne Veronica's table
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Speaker 1: and sat down. He glanced at Miss Clegg again and
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Speaker 1: spoke quickly and furtively, with eager eyes on Anne Veronica's face.
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Speaker 1: I had a faint idea once that things were as
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Speaker 1: you say they are, But the affair of the ring,
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Speaker 1: of the unexpected ring puzzled me. Wish she he indicated
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Speaker 1: Miss Clegg's back with a nod, was at the bottom
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Speaker 1: of the sea. I would like to talk to you
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Speaker 1: about this soon. If you don't think it would be
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Speaker 1: a social outrage, perhaps I might walk with you to
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Speaker 1: your railway station. I will wait, said and Veronica, still
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Speaker 1: not looking at him, and we will go into Regent's Park. No,
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Speaker 1: you shall come with me to Waterloo, right, he said,
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Speaker 1: and hesitated, and then got up and went into the
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Speaker 1: preparation room Part three. For a time they walked in
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Speaker 1: silence through the back streets that led southward from the college.
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Speaker 1: Capes bore a face of infinite perplexity. The thing I
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Speaker 1: feel most disposed to say, Miss Stanley, he began at last,
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Speaker 1: is that this is very sudden. It's been coming on
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Speaker 1: since first I came into the laboratory. What do you want,
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Speaker 1: he asked, bluntly, you, said, Anne Veronica. The sense of
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Speaker 1: publicity of people coming and going about them kept them
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Speaker 1: both unemotional, and neither had any of that theatric care,
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Speaker 1: which demands gestures and facial expression. I suppose you know
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Speaker 1: I like you tremendously, he pursued. You told me that
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Speaker 1: in the zoological gardens she found her muscles a tremble,
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Speaker 1: But there was nothing in her bearing that a passer
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Speaker 1: by would have noted to tell of the excitement that
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Speaker 1: possessed her. I he seemed to have a difficulty with
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Speaker 1: the word I love you. I've told you that practically already,
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Speaker 1: but I can give it its name now. You needn't
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Speaker 1: be in any doubt about it. I tell you that
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Speaker 1: because it puts us on a footing. They went on
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Speaker 1: for a time without another word. But don't you know
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Speaker 1: about me, he said at last, something not much. I'm
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Speaker 1: a married man, and my wife won't live with me
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Speaker 1: for reasons that I think most women would consider sound.
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Speaker 1: Or I should have made love to you long ago.
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Speaker 1: There came a silence again. I don't care, said Ane Veronica.
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Speaker 1: But if you knew anything of that I did, it
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Speaker 1: doesn't matter. Why did you tell me? I thought I
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Speaker 1: thought we were going to be friends. He was suddenly resentful.
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Speaker 1: He seemed to charge her with the ruin of their situation.
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Speaker 1: Why on earth did you tell me, he cried. I
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Speaker 1: couldn't help it. It was an impulse. I had to,
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Speaker 1: But it changes things. I thought you understood. I had to,
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Speaker 1: she repeated. I was sick of them. Make believe I
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Speaker 1: don't care. I'm glad I did. I'm glad I did.
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Speaker 1: Look here, said Capes, What on earth do you want?
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Speaker 1: What do you think we can do? Don't you know
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Speaker 1: what men are and what life is? To come to
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Speaker 1: me and talk to me like this? I know something anyhow,
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Speaker 1: but I don't care. I haven't a spark of shame.
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Speaker 1: I don't see any good in life if it hasn't
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Speaker 1: got you in it. I wanted you to know. And
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Speaker 1: now you know, and the fencers are down for good.
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Speaker 1: You can't look me in the eyes and say you
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Speaker 1: don't care for me. I've told you, he said. Very well,
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Speaker 1: said Ann Veronica, with an air of concluding the discussion.
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Speaker 1: They walked side by side for a time in that laboratory.
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Speaker 1: One gets to disregard these passions, began Capes. Men are
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Speaker 1: curious animals with a trick of falling in love readily
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Speaker 1: with girls about your age. One has to train one's
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Speaker 1: self not to I've accustomed myself to think of you
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Speaker 1: as if you were like every other girl who works
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Speaker 1: at the schools, as something quite outside these possibilities, if
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Speaker 1: only out of loyalty to co education. One has to
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Speaker 1: do that. Apart from everything else. This meeting of ours
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Speaker 1: is a breach of a good rule. Rules are for
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Speaker 1: every day, said Anne Veronica. This is not every day.
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Speaker 1: This is something above all, rules for you, not for you. No, No,
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Speaker 1: I'm going to stick to the rules. It's odd, but
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Speaker 1: nothing but cliche seems to meet this case. You've placed
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Speaker 1: me in a very exceptional position, Miss Stanley. The note
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Speaker 1: of his own voice exasperated him. Oh damn, he said.
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Speaker 1: She made no answer, and for a time he debated
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Speaker 1: some problems with himself. No, he said aloud at last.
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Speaker 1: The plain common sense of the case, he said, is
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Speaker 1: that we can't possibly be lovers in the ordinary sense.
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Speaker 1: That I think is manifest. You know, I've done no
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Speaker 1: work at all this afternoon. I've been smoking cigarettes in
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Speaker 1: the preparation room and thinking this out. We can't be
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Speaker 1: lovers in the ordinary sense, but we can be great
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Speaker 1: and intimate friends. We are, said Ann Veronica. You've interested
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Speaker 1: me enormously, he paused, with a sense of ineptitude. I
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Speaker 1: want to be your friend, he said. I said that
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Speaker 1: a zoo, and I mean it. Let us be friends,
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Speaker 1: as near and close as friends can be, and Veronica
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Speaker 1: gave him a pallid profile. What is the good of pretending,
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Speaker 1: she said, We don't pretend we do. Love is one thing,
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Speaker 1: and friendship quite another. Because I'm younger than you, I've
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Speaker 1: got imagination. I know what I'm talking about, mister Capes,
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Speaker 1: do you think Do you think I don't know the
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Speaker 1: meaning of love? Part four? Capes made no answer, for
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Speaker 1: my mind is full of confused stuff, he said at length.
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Speaker 1: I've been thinking all the afternoon, oh and weeks and
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Speaker 1: months of thought and feeling. They are bottled up too.
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Speaker 1: I feel a mixture of beast and uncle. I feel
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Speaker 1: like a fraudulent trustee. Every rule is against me. Why
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Speaker 1: did I let you begin this? I might have told
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Speaker 1: I don't see that you could help. I might have
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Speaker 1: helped you couldn't. I ought to have all the same,
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Speaker 1: I wonder, he said, and went off at a tangent.
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Speaker 1: You know about my scandalous past very little. It doesn't
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Speaker 1: seem to matter does it. I think it does profoundly.
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Speaker 1: How it prevents our marrying, it forbids all sorts of things.
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Speaker 1: It can't prevent our loving. I'm afraid it can't. But
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Speaker 1: by Jove, it's going to make our loving a fiercely
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Speaker 1: abstract thing. You are separated from your wife, yes, but
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Speaker 1: do you know how, not exactly why on earth a
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Speaker 1: man ought to be labeled? You see, I'm separated from
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Speaker 1: my wife, but she doesn't and won't divorce me. You
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Speaker 1: don't understand the fix I am in, and you don't
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Speaker 1: know what led to our separation, and in fact, all
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Speaker 1: round the problem you don't know. And I don't see
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Speaker 1: how I could possibly have told you before. I wanted
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Speaker 1: you that day in the zoo, but I trusted to
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Speaker 1: that ring of yours, poor old ring, said Anne Veronica.
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Speaker 1: I ought never have gone to the zoo. I suppose
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Speaker 1: I asked you to go. But a man is a
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Speaker 1: mixed creature. I wanted the time with you. I wanted
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Speaker 1: it badly. Tell me about yourself, said Ann Veronica, to
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Speaker 1: begin with, I was, I was in the divorce court.
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Speaker 1: I was I was a correspondent. You understand that term,
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Speaker 1: Am Veronica smiled, faintly. A modern girl does understand these terms.
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Speaker 1: She reads novels and history and all sorts of things.
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Speaker 1: Did you really doubt if I knew? No? But I
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Speaker 1: don't suppose you can understand. I don't see why I shouldn't.
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Speaker 1: To know things by name is one thing. To know
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Speaker 1: them by seeing them and feeling them and being them
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Speaker 1: quite another. That is where life takes advantage of youth.
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Speaker 1: You don't understand, Perhaps I don't. You don't. That's a difficulty.
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Speaker 1: If I told you the facts, I expect since you
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Speaker 1: were in love with me, you'd explain the whole business
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Speaker 1: as being very fine and honorable for me. The higher
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Speaker 1: morality or something of that sort. It wasn't. I don't
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Speaker 1: deal very much, said Anne Veronica in the higher morality
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Speaker 1: or the higher truth, or any of those things. Perhaps
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Speaker 1: you don't. But a human being who is young and
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Speaker 1: clean as you are is apt to a noble or
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Speaker 1: explain away. I've had a biological training. I'm a hard
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Speaker 1: young woman, nice clean hardness. Anyhow, I think you're hard.
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Speaker 1: There's something something adult about you. I'm talking to you
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Speaker 1: now as though you had all the wisdom and charity
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Speaker 1: in the world. I'm going to tell you things plainly,
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Speaker 1: plainly it's best, and then you can go home and
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Speaker 1: think things over before we talk again. I want you
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Speaker 1: to be clear what you're really and truly up to. Anyhow,
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Speaker 1: I don't mind knowing, said Anne. Veronica, it's precious and romantic.
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Speaker 1: Well tell me I marry pretty young, said Capes. I've
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Speaker 1: got I have to tell you this to make myself
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Speaker 1: clear a streak of ardent animal in my composition. I married.
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Speaker 1: I married a woman whom I still think one of
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Speaker 1: the most beautiful persons in the world. She is a
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Speaker 1: year or so older than I am, and she is
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Speaker 1: well of a very serene and proud and dignified temperament.
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Speaker 1: If you met her, you would, I am certain think
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Speaker 1: her as fine as I do. She has never done
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Speaker 1: a really ignoble thing that I know of, never. I
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Speaker 1: met her when we were both very young, as young
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Speaker 1: as you are. I loved her and made love to her,
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Speaker 1: and I don't think she quite loved me back in
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Speaker 1: the same way. He paused for a time, and Veronica
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Speaker 1: said nothing. These are the sort of things that aren't
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Speaker 1: supposed to happen. They leave them out of novels. These
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Speaker 1: incompatibilities young people ignore them until they find themselves up
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Speaker 1: against them. My wife doesn't understand, doesn't understand. Now she
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Speaker 1: despises me. I suppose we married, and for a time
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Speaker 1: we were happy. She was fine and tender. I worshiped
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Speaker 1: her and subdued myself. He left off abruptly. Do you
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Speaker 1: understand what I'm talking about? It's no good if you don't.
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Speaker 1: I think so, said Anne Veronica, and colored in fact,
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Speaker 1: yes I do. Do you think of these things, these matters,
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Speaker 1: as belonging to our higher nature or our lower I
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Speaker 1: don't deal in higher things, I tell you, said Anne Veronica,
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Speaker 1: or lower For the matter of that, I don't classify.
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Speaker 1: She hesitated. Flesh and flowers are all alike to me.
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Speaker 1: That's the comfort of you. Well, after a time, there
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Speaker 1: came a fever in my blood. Don't think it was
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Speaker 1: anything better than fever, or a bit beautiful. It wasn't
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Speaker 1: quite soon after we were married. It was just within
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Speaker 1: a year I formed the friendship with the wife of
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Speaker 1: a friend, a woman eight years older than myself. It
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Speaker 1: wasn't anything splendid, you know. It was just a shabby, stupid,
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Speaker 1: furtive business that began between us, like stealing. We dressed
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Speaker 1: it in a little music. I want you to understand
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Speaker 1: clearly that I was indebted to the man in many
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Speaker 1: small ways. I was mean to him. It was the
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Speaker 1: gratification of an immense necessity. We were two people with
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Speaker 1: a craving We felt like thieves. We were thieves. We
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Speaker 1: liked each other well enough. Well. My friend found us
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Speaker 1: out and would give no quarter. He divorced her. How
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Speaker 1: do you like the story? Go on? Said Anne Veronica,
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Speaker 1: a little hoarsely, tell me all of it. My wife
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Speaker 1: life was astounded, wounded beyond measure. She thought me filthy.
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Speaker 1: All her pride raged at me. One particularly humiliating thing
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Speaker 1: came out humiliating for me. There was a second correspondent.
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Speaker 1: I hadn't heard of him before the trial. I don't
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Speaker 1: know why that should be so acutely humiliating. There's no
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Speaker 1: logic in these things. It was poor you, said Anne Veronica.
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Speaker 1: My wife refused absolutely to have anything more to do
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Speaker 1: with me. She could hardly speak to me, she insisted
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Speaker 1: relentlessly upon a separation. She had money of her own,
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Speaker 1: much more than I have, and there was no need
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Speaker 1: to scrubble about that. She has given herself up to
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Speaker 1: social work, well, that's all practically all. And yet wait
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Speaker 1: a little, you'd better have every bit of it. One
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Speaker 1: doesn't go about with these passions allayed simply because they
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Speaker 1: have made wreckage in a s scandal there one is
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Speaker 1: the same stuff. Still, one has a craving in one's blood,
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Speaker 1: a craving roused cut off from its redeeming and guiding
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Speaker 1: emotional side. A man has more freedom to do evil
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Speaker 1: than a woman. Irregularly in a quite inglorious and unromantic way.
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Speaker 1: You know, I am a vicious man. That's that's my
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Speaker 1: private life. Until the last few months. It isn't what
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Speaker 1: I have been, but what I am. I haven't taken
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Speaker 1: much account of it until now. My honor has been
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Speaker 1: in my scientific work and public discussion and the things
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Speaker 1: I write. Lots of us are like that. But you see,
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Speaker 1: I'm smirched for the sort of love making you think about.
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Speaker 1: I've modeled all this business. I've had my time and
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Speaker 1: lost my chances. I'm damaged goods, and you're as clean
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Speaker 1: as fire. You come, with those clear eyes of yours,
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Speaker 1: as valiant as an angel. He stopped abruptly. Well, she said,
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Speaker 1: that's all. It's so strange to think of you troubled
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Speaker 1: by such things. I didn't think. I don't know what
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Speaker 1: I thought. Suddenly, all this makes you human, makes you real.
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Speaker 1: But don't you see how I must stand to you.
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Speaker 1: Don't you see how it bars us from being lovers?
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Speaker 1: You can't at first, You must think it over. It's
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Speaker 1: all outside the world of your experience. I don't think
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Speaker 1: it makes a rap of difference, except for one thing.
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Speaker 1: I love you more. I've wanted you always. I didn't dream,
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Speaker 1: not even in my wildest dreaming, that you might have
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Speaker 1: any need of me. He made a little noise in
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Speaker 1: his throat, as if something had cried out within him,
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Speaker 1: and for a time they were both too full for speech.
21:56
Speaker 1: They were going up the slope into Waterloo Station. You
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Speaker 1: go home and think of all this, he said, and
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Speaker 1: talk about it to morrow. Don't don't say anything now,
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Speaker 1: not anything. As for loving you, I do, I do
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Speaker 1: with all my heart. It's no good hiding it any more.
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Speaker 1: I could never have talked to you like this, forgetting
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Speaker 1: everything that parts us, forgetting even your age, if I
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Speaker 1: did not love you utterly, if I were a clean,
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Speaker 1: free man, we'll have to talk of all these things.
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Speaker 1: Thank goodness, there's plenty of opportunity, and we too can
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Speaker 1: talk anyhow. Now you've begun it. There's nothing to keep
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Speaker 1: us in all this, from being the best friends in
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Speaker 1: the world and talking of every conceivable thing. Is there nothing,
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Speaker 1: said Ane Veronica, with a radiant face. Before this, there
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Speaker 1: was a sort of restraint, And make believe it's gone.
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Speaker 1: It's gone, friendship and love being separate things, and that
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Speaker 1: confounded and gone. They came upon a platform and stood
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Speaker 1: before her compartment. He took her hand and looked into
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Speaker 1: her eyes and spoke, divided against himself, in a voice
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Speaker 1: that was forced and insincere. I shall be very glad
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Speaker 1: to have you for a friend, he said, loving friend.
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Speaker 1: I had never dreamed of such a friend as you.
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Speaker 1: She smiled, sure of herself, beyond any pretending into his
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Speaker 1: troubled eyes. Hadn't they settled that already? I want you
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Speaker 1: as a friend, he persisted, almost as if he disputed something.
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Speaker 1: Part five. The next morning, she waited in the laboratory
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Speaker 1: at the lunch hour, in the reasonable certainty that he
23:50
Speaker 1: would come to her. Well, you have thought it over,
23:54
Speaker 1: he said, sitting down beside her. I've been thinking of
23:59
Speaker 1: you all night. She answered, well, I don't care a
24:04
Speaker 1: rap for all these things, he said, nothing for a space.
24:11
Speaker 1: I don't see there's any getting away from the fact
24:14
Speaker 1: that you and I love each other, he said slowly.
24:18
Speaker 1: So far you've got me? And are you you've got me?
24:22
Speaker 1: I'm like a creature just wakened up. My eyes are
24:25
Speaker 1: open to you. I keep on thinking of you. I
24:28
Speaker 1: keep on thinking of little details and aspects of your voice,
24:31
Speaker 1: your eyes, the way you walk, the way your hair
24:34
Speaker 1: goes back from the side of your forehead. I believe
24:37
Speaker 1: I have always been in love with you, always before
24:41
Speaker 1: ever I knew you. She sat motionless, with her hand
24:46
Speaker 1: tightening over the edge of the table, and he too,
24:49
Speaker 1: said no more. She began to tremble violently. He stood
24:54
Speaker 1: up abruptly and went to the window. We have, he said,
25:00
Speaker 1: to be the utmost friends. She stood up and held
25:04
Speaker 1: her arms toward him. I want you to kiss me,
25:08
Speaker 1: she said. He gripped the window sill behind him. If
25:13
Speaker 1: I do, he said, no, I want to do without that.
25:18
Speaker 1: I want to do without that for a time. I
25:21
Speaker 1: want to give you time to think. I am a
25:24
Speaker 1: man of a sort of experience. You are a girl
25:29
Speaker 1: with very little. Just sit down on that stool again,
25:32
Speaker 1: and let's talk of this in cold blood people of
25:35
Speaker 1: your sort. I don't want the instincts to to rush
25:39
Speaker 1: our situation. Are you sure what it is you want
25:42
Speaker 1: of me? I want you. I want you to be
25:47
Speaker 1: my lover. I want to give myself to you. I
25:51
Speaker 1: want to be whatever I can to you. She paused
25:54
Speaker 1: for a moment. Is that plain, she asked? If I
26:00
Speaker 1: didn't love you better than myself, said Capes, I wouldn't
26:04
Speaker 1: fence like this with you. I'm convinced you haven't thought
26:08
Speaker 1: this out, he went on. You do not know what
26:11
Speaker 1: such a relation means. We are in love. Our head
26:15
Speaker 1: swim with the thought of being together. But what can
26:18
Speaker 1: we do here? Am I fixed to respectability in this
26:21
Speaker 1: laboratory you're living at home? It means just furtive meetings.
26:29
Speaker 1: I don't care how we meet, she said, It will
26:32
Speaker 1: spoil your life, it will make it. I want you,
26:38
Speaker 1: I am clear. I want you. You are different from
26:40
Speaker 1: all the world for me. You can think all round me.
26:44
Speaker 1: You are the one person I can understand and feel
26:47
Speaker 1: feel right with. I don't idealize you, don't imagine that.
26:51
Speaker 1: It isn't because you're good, but because I may be rotten, bad,
26:56
Speaker 1: And there's something, something living and understanding in you, something
27:00
Speaker 1: that is born in you each time we meet and
27:02
Speaker 1: pined when we are separated. You see, I'm selfish. I'm
27:07
Speaker 1: rather scornful. I think too much about myself. You're the
27:11
Speaker 1: only person I've really given good, straight, unselfish thought to.
27:16
Speaker 1: I'm making a mess of my life unless you come
27:18
Speaker 1: in and take it. I am in you. If you
27:23
Speaker 1: can love me, there is salvation. Salvation. I know what
27:27
Speaker 1: I am doing better than you do. Think think of
27:30
Speaker 1: that engagement. Their talk had come to eloquent silences that
27:36
Speaker 1: contradicted all he had to say. She stood up before him,
27:40
Speaker 1: smiling faintly. I think we've exhausted this discussion, she said.
27:47
Speaker 1: I think we have. He answered gravely, and took her
27:50
Speaker 1: in his arms and smoothed her hair from her forehead,
27:53
Speaker 1: and very tenderly kissed her lips. Part six. They spent
28:01
Speaker 1: the next Sunday in Richmond Park and mingled the happy
28:04
Speaker 1: sensation of being together uninterruptedly through the long sunshine of
28:08
Speaker 1: a summer's day, with the ample discussion of their position.
28:14
Speaker 1: This is all the clean freshness of spring and youth,
28:17
Speaker 1: said Capes. It is love with the down on. It
28:20
Speaker 1: is like the glitter of dew in the sunlight to
28:22
Speaker 1: be lovers such as we are, with no more than
28:24
Speaker 1: one warm kiss between us. I love everything to day
28:28
Speaker 1: and all of you. But I love this, this, this
28:32
Speaker 1: innocence upon us most of all. You can't imagine, he said,
28:37
Speaker 1: what a beastly thing a furtive love affair can be.
28:41
Speaker 1: This isn't furtive, said Anne Veronica, not a bit of it.
28:46
Speaker 1: And we won't make it. So we mustn't make it.
28:49
Speaker 1: So they loitered under the trees. They sat on mossy banks.
28:55
Speaker 1: They gossiped on friendly benches. They came back to lunch
28:58
Speaker 1: at the Star and Garter and talked the afternoon away
29:01
Speaker 1: in the garden that looks out upon the crescent of
29:03
Speaker 1: the river. They had a universe to talk about, two universes.
29:10
Speaker 1: What are you going to do, said Capes, with his
29:13
Speaker 1: eyes on the broad distances beyond the ribbon of the river.
29:18
Speaker 1: I will do whatever you want, said Anne Veronica. My
29:22
Speaker 1: first love was all blundering, said Capes. He thought for
29:26
Speaker 1: a moment and went on, Love is something that has
29:30
Speaker 1: to be taken care of. One has to be so careful.
29:34
Speaker 1: It's a beautiful plant, but a tender one. I didn't know.
29:38
Speaker 1: I've had a dread of love dropping its petals, becoming
29:41
Speaker 1: mean and ugly. How can I tell you all I feel?
29:45
Speaker 1: I love you beyond measure, and I'm afraid. I'm anxious,
29:49
Speaker 1: joyfully anxious, like a man when he has found a treasure,
29:54
Speaker 1: you know, said Ann Veronica. I just came to you
29:58
Speaker 1: and put myself in your hands. That's why, in a
30:03
Speaker 1: way I'm prudish. I've dreads. I don't want to tear
30:07
Speaker 1: at you with hot, rough hands, as you will, dear lover.
30:12
Speaker 1: But for me it doesn't matter. Nothing is wrong that
30:15
Speaker 1: you do nothing. I am quite clear about this. I
30:18
Speaker 1: know exactly what I'm doing. I give myself to you,
30:23
Speaker 1: God's son. You may never repent, it, cried Capes. She
30:27
Speaker 1: put her hand in his to be squeezed. You see,
30:32
Speaker 1: he said, It is doubtful if we can ever marry,
30:36
Speaker 1: very doubtful. I have been thinking I will go to
30:39
Speaker 1: my wife again. I will do my utmost, but for
30:43
Speaker 1: a long time. Anyhow, we lovers have to be as
30:46
Speaker 1: if we were no more than friends. He paused. She
30:51
Speaker 1: answered slowly, that is as you will. She said, Why
30:58
Speaker 1: should it matter, he said, and then as she answered, nothing,
31:04
Speaker 1: seeing that we are lovers. Part seven. It was rather
31:14
Speaker 1: less than a week after that walk that Capes came
31:17
Speaker 1: and sat down beside Aunt Veronica for their customary talk
31:20
Speaker 1: in the lunch hour. He took a handful of almonds
31:23
Speaker 1: and raisins that she held out to him, for both
31:25
Speaker 1: these young people had given up the practice of going
31:28
Speaker 1: out for luncheon, and kept her hand for a moment
31:31
Speaker 1: to kiss her fingertips. He did not speak for a moment. Well,
31:37
Speaker 1: she said, I say, he said, without any movement. Let's
31:44
Speaker 1: go go. She did not understand him at first, and
31:50
Speaker 1: then her heart began to beat very rapidly. Stop this,
31:54
Speaker 1: this is humbugging, he explained, It's like the picture and
31:58
Speaker 1: the bust. I can't stand it. Let's go go off
32:02
Speaker 1: and live together until we can marry. Dare you do
32:07
Speaker 1: you mean now at the end of the session. It's
32:12
Speaker 1: the only clean way for us. Are you prepared to
32:15
Speaker 1: do it? Her hands clinched, yes, she said, very faintly.
32:22
Speaker 1: And then, of course, always it is what I've wanted,
32:27
Speaker 1: what I have meant all along. She stared before her,
32:32
Speaker 1: trying to keep back a rush of tears. Capes kept
32:36
Speaker 1: obstinately stiff and spoke between his teeth. There's endless reasons,
32:41
Speaker 1: no doubt why we shouldn't, he said, endless. It's wrong
32:47
Speaker 1: in the eyes of most people, for many of them,
32:49
Speaker 1: it will smirge us forever. You do understand who cares
32:55
Speaker 1: for most people, she said, not looking at him, I do.
33:00
Speaker 1: It means social isolation, struggle. If you dare, I dare,
33:07
Speaker 1: said Ann Veronica. I was never so clear in all
33:10
Speaker 1: my life as I have been in this business. She
33:15
Speaker 1: lifted steadfast eyes to him. Dare, she said. The tears
33:20
Speaker 1: were welling over now, but her voice was steady. You're
33:23
Speaker 1: not a man for me, not one of a sex.
33:26
Speaker 1: I mean, you're just a particular being, with nothing else
33:29
Speaker 1: in the world to class with you. You are just
33:32
Speaker 1: necessary to life for me. I've never met any one
33:36
Speaker 1: like you. To have you is all important. Nothing else
33:40
Speaker 1: weighs against it. Morals only begin when that is settled.
33:45
Speaker 1: I sha'n't care a rap if we can never marry.
33:47
Speaker 1: I'm not a bit afraid of anything, scandal, difficulty, struggle.
33:52
Speaker 1: I rather want them. I do want them. You'll get them,
33:57
Speaker 1: he said. This means a plunge are you afraid? Only
34:04
Speaker 1: for you, most of my income will vanish. Even unbelieving
34:08
Speaker 1: biological demonstrators must respect decorum. And besides, you see you
34:13
Speaker 1: are a student. We shall have hardly any money. I
34:18
Speaker 1: don't care hardship and danger with you. And as for
34:24
Speaker 1: your people, they don't count. That is a dreadful truth.
34:29
Speaker 1: This all this wants them. They don't count, and I
34:33
Speaker 1: don't care. Cape suddenly abandoned his attitude of meditative restraint.
34:39
Speaker 1: By jove, he broke out. One tries to take a
34:42
Speaker 1: serious sober view. I don't quite know why, but this
34:46
Speaker 1: is a great lark. And Veronica, this turns life into
34:49
Speaker 1: a glorious adventure. Ah, she cried in triumph. I shall
34:55
Speaker 1: have to give up biology anyhow. I've always had a
34:58
Speaker 1: sneaking desire for the writing trade. That is what I
35:01
Speaker 1: must do. I can, of course you can. And biology
35:07
Speaker 1: was beginning to bore me a bit. One research is
35:09
Speaker 1: very like another. Latterly, I've been doing things. Creative work
35:14
Speaker 1: appeals to me wonderfully. Things seemed to come rather easily.
35:18
Speaker 1: But that and that sort of thing is just a
35:20
Speaker 1: day dream for a time. I must do journalism and
35:23
Speaker 1: work hard. What is it? A day dream. Is this
35:26
Speaker 1: that you and I are going to put an end
35:28
Speaker 1: to flummery? And go? Go, said Anne Veronica, clenching her
35:34
Speaker 1: hands for better or worse, for rich or poorer. She
35:40
Speaker 1: could not go on, for she was laughing and crying
35:43
Speaker 1: at the same time. We were bound to do this.
35:46
Speaker 1: When you kissed me, she sobbed through her tears. We
35:50
Speaker 1: have been all this time only your queer code of honor, honor.
35:55
Speaker 1: Once you begin with love, you have to see it through.
36:00
Speaker 1: End of chapter fourteen.