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08 - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll · Adventure Books Collection

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  Chapter eight, The Queen's croquet ground. A large rose tree stood near the
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  entrance of the garden. The roses growing on it were white, but there
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  were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a
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  very curious thing, and she went nearer to watch them, And just as
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  she came up to them, she heard one of them say, look out,
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  now, Five, don't go splashing paint all over me like that.
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  I couldn't help it, said five, in a sulky tone. Seven jogged
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  my elbow, on which seven looked up and said, that's right. Five.
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  Always lay the blame on others. You'd better not talk, said five.
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  I heard the queen say only yesterday, you deserve to be beheaded?
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  What? Four said the one who had spoken first. That's none of your
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  business, too, said seven. Yes, it is his business, said
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  five, and I'll tell him it was for bringing the cook tulip brutes instead
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  of onions. Seven flung down his brush and had just begun well of all
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  the unjust things, when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice as she stood
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  watching them, and he checked himself. Suddenly the others looked round also,
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  and all of them bowed low, would you tell me, said Alice a
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  little timidly. Why are you painting those roses? Five? And seven said
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  nothing, but looked at two. Two began in a low voice. Why
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  the fact is, you see, miss, this here ought to have been
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  a red rose tree, and we put a white one in by mistake.
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  And if the Queen was to find out, we should all have our heads
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  cut off, you know. So you see, miss, we're doing our
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  best before she comes to. At this moment, five, who'd been anxiously
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  looking across the garden, called out the queen. The queen and the three
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  gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many
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  footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager to see the queen. First came
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  ten soldiers carrying clubs. They were all shaped like the three gardeners, oblong
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  and flat, with their hands and feet at the corners. Next the ten
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  courtiers. These were ornamented all over with diamonds and walked two and two as
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  the soldiers did. After these came the royal children. There were ten of
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  them, and the little deers came jumping merrily along hand in hand in couples.
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  They were all ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly kings
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  and queens, and among them Alice recognized the white rabbit. It was talking
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  in a hurried, nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and
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  went by without noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the
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  King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion. And last of all this grand procession
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  came the King and Queen of Hearts. Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought
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  not lie down on her face like the three gardeners, but she could not
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  remember ever having heard of such a rule of processions. And besides, what
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  would be the use of a procession, thought she if people all had to
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  lie down upon their faces so they couldn't see it. So she stood still
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  where she was and waited. When the procession came opposite to Alice, they
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  all stopped and looked at her, and the Queen said severely, who is
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  this? She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and
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  smiled in reply. Idiot, said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently,
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  and turning to Alice, she went on, what's your name? Child?
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  My name is Alice, So please, your majesty, said Alice very politely,
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  but she added to herself, why they're only a pack of cards,
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  after all, I needn't be afraid of them. And who are these?
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  Said the queen, pointing to the three gardeners who were lying round the rose
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  tree. For you see, as they were all lying on their faces,
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  and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack,
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  she could not tell whether they were her gardeners, or soldiers, or
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  courtiers, or three of her own children. How should I know, said
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  Alice, surprised at her own courage. It's no business of mine. The
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  Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a moment
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  like a wild beast, screamed off with her head off. Nonsense, said
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  Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the queen was silent. The King
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  laid his hand upon her arm and timidly said, consider, my dear,
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  she is only a child. The queen turned angrily away from him and said
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  to the knave, turn them over. The knave did so very carefully with
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  one foot. Get up, said the queen in a shrill, loud voice,
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  and the three gardeners instantly jumped up and began bowing to the King,
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  the Queen, the royal children and everybody else. Leave off that, screamed
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  the Queen. You make me giddy, and then turning to the rose tree,
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  she went on, what have you been doing here? May it please
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  your majesty? Said two in a very humble tone, going down on one
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  knee as he spoke. We were trying, I see, said the Queen,
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  who had meanwhile been examining the roses, off with their heads, and
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  the procession moved on. Three of the souls remaining behind to execute the unfortunate
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  gardeners who ran to Alice for protection. You shan't be beheaded, said Alice,
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  and she put them into a large flower pot that stood near the three
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  soldiers wandered about for a minute or two looking for them, and then quietly
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  marched off. After the others are their heads off, shouted the Queen.
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  Their heads are gone, If it please your majesty, The soldiers shouted in
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  reply. That's right, shouted the Queen. Can you play croquet? The
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  soldiers were silent and looked at Alice as the question was evidently meant for her.
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  Yes, shouted Alice, come on, then roared the queen, and
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  Alice joined the procession, wondering very much what would happen next. It's a
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  very fine day, said a timid voice at her side. She was walking
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  by the white rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face. Very said
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  Alice, where's the duchess? Sh sh said the rabbit in a low,
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  hurried tone. He looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then
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  raised himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear and whispered,
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  she's under sentence of execution. What for, said Alice? Did you say?
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  What a pity? The rabbit asked, No, I didn't, said
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  Alice. I don't think it's at all a pity. I said, what
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  for? She boxed the Queen's ears. The rabbit began. Alice gave a
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  little scream of laughter. Oh hush, the rabbit whispered, in a frightened
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  tone. The queen will hear you. You see, she came rather late,
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  and the queen said, get to your places, shouted the queen in
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  a voice of thunder, and people began running about in all directions, tumbling
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  up against each other. However, they got settled down in a minute or
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  two and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious
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  croquet ground in her life. It was all bridges and furrows, The balls
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  were live hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double
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  themselves up and to stand on their hands and feet to make the arches.
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  The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in manage her flamingo. She succeeded
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  in getting its body tucked away comfortably enough under her arm, with its legs
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  hanging down, but generally, just as she got its neck nicely straightened out
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  and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it would
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  twist itself round and look up in her face with such a puzzled expression that
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  she could not help bursting out laughing. And when she got its head down
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  and she was going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that
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  the hedgehog had unrolled itself and was in the act of crawling away. Besides
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  all this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she
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  wanted to send the hedgehog to, And as the doubled up soldiers were always
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  getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground. Alice soon came
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  to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game. Indeed, the players
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  all played at once without waiting for turns, quarreling all the while and fighting
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  for the hedgehogs. And in a very short time the Queen was in a
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  furious fashion and went stamping about and shouting off with his head off with her
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  head about once in a minute. Alice began to feel very uneasy. To
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  be sure, she had not as yet had any dispute with the queen,
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  but she knew that it might happen any minute, and then thought she what
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  would become of me? They're dreadfully fond of be heading people here. The
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  great wonder is that there's anyone left alive. She was looking about for some
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  way of escape and wondering whether she could get away without being seen, when
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  she noticed a curious appearance in the air. It puzzled her very much at
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  first, but after watching it a minute or two, she made it out
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  to be a grin, and she said to herself, it's the chesher cat.
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  Now I shall have somebody to talk to. How are you getting on?
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  Said the cat as soon as there was mouth enough for it to speak
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  with. Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. It's no
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  use speaking to it, she thought, till its years have come, or
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  at least one of them. In another minute, the whole head appeared,
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  and then Alice put down her flamingo and began an account of the game,
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  feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her. The cat seemed to
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  think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no more of
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  it appeared. I don't think they play at all fair, Alice began,
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  in rather a complaining tone. And they all quarrel so dreadfully. One can't
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  hear one's self speak. And they don't seem to have any rules in particular,
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  at least if there are, nobody attends to them. And you've no
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  idea how confusing it is all the things being alive. For instance, there's
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  the arch I've got to go through next, walking about at the other end
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  of the ground, And I should have crockaded the queen's hedgehog just now,
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  only it ran away when it saw mine coming. How do you like the
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  queen, said the cat in a low voice. Not at all, said
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  Alice. She's so extremely just then she noticed that the Queen was close behind
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  her, listening, so she went on, likely to win, that it's
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  hardly worth while finishing the game. The queen smiled and passed on. Who
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  are you talking to? Said the king, going up to Alice and looking
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  at the cat's head with great curiosity. It's a friend of mine, a
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  cheshia cat, said Alice. Allow me to introduce it. I don't like
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  the look of it at all, said the king. However, it may
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  kiss my hand if it likes, and rather not. The cat remarked.
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  Don't be impertinent, said the king, and don't look at me like that.
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  He got behind Alice as he spoke. A cat may look at a
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  king, said Alice. I've read that in some book, but I don't
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  remember where. Well, it must be removed, said the king, very
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  decidedly, and he called the queen, who was passing at the moment,
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  my dear, I wish you would have this cat removed. The queen had
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  only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small. Off with his
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  head, she said, without even looking round. I'll fetch the executioner myself,
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  said the king eagerly, and he hurried off. Alice thought she might
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  as well go back and see how the game was going on, as she
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  heard the queen's voice in the distance, screaming with passion. She'd already heard
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  her sentence three of the players to be executed for having missed their turns,
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  and she did not like the look of things at all, as the game
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  was in such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or not,
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  so she went in search of her hedgehog. The hedgehog was engaged in
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  a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting
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  one of them with the other. The only difficulty was that her flamingo was
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  gone across to the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it
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  trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree. By
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  the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight was
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  over and both the hedgehogs were out of sight. But it doesn't matter much,
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  thought Alice, as all the arches are gone from this side of the
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  ground, so she tucked it away under her arm that it might not escape
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  again and went back for a little more conversation with her friend. When she
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  got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a large
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  crowd collected around it. There was a dispute going on between the executioner,
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  the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once, while
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  all the rest were quite silent and looked very uncomfortable. The moment Alice appeared,
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  she was appealed to by all three to settle the question, and they
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  repeated their arguments to her, though as they all spoke at once, she
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  found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what they said. The executioner's
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  argument was you couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body to cut
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  it off from, that he had never had to do such a thing before,
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  and he wasn't going to begin at his time of life. The King's
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  argument was that anything that had a head could be beheaded, and that you
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  weren't to talk nonsense. The Queen's argument was that if something wasn't done about
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  it in less than no time, she'd had everybody executed all around. It
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  was this last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious,
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  Alice could think of nothing else to say. But it belongs to the
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  duchess. You'd better ask her about it. She's in prison, the queen
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  said to the executioner, fetch her here, and the executioner went off like
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  an arrow. The cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone,
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  and by the time he had come back with the duchess, it had entirely
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  disappeared. So the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for
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  it, while the rest of the party went back to the game. End
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  of chapter eight