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I Choose…To Share My Big High School Lessons · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garland. Hi, everyone,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is about choices,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: and today I'm about to open up the mic to
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: my daughter and we are going to hear about some
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: of the choices she found herself making in high school.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: And I'm talking fresh off the campus for the last
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: four years kind of choices. If you listen to the
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: last episode, you know that my youngest Fiona just graduated
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: from high school. And wow, what a ride it has been.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Watching her walk across that stage was like watching all
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: of these just pathways like appear before her. The world
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: is her oyster, that's what they say. I don't know
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: why they say that, but they do. Her story. Our
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: story has been like, it's been messy, it's been powerful,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: and it's been real. And here I sit with one
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: of my favorite people in the world, still trying to
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: absorb the fact that you're stepping into a new chapter.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I realize that, but I just I have so many questions. So, Fiona,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: my beautiful, brave baby bird, thank you for agreeing to
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: do this.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to talk about it.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Congrats again. By the way, I can't say it enough.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: You did it, I know I did.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Gosh, when you think back on the last four years,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: what's one of the most Like, what's the moment that
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: really sticks out with you, for better or for worse,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: the first thing that comes to your mind, the first thing.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: I mean, it depends on how comfortable you are just
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: being forthright and honest, and it is what.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: It is, honestly. I mean what you said about walking
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: across the stage. I really felt like that was such
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: a pivotal moment, Like really walking across it felt slow motion,
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: It really did. It was so exciting and I was
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: so nervous. But I feel like it was a culmination
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: of the four years because honestly, even though I've been
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: graduated only a couple of weeks, it feels like everything's
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: a blur. Like looking back, does.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: It feel like you closed the door, like slammed it
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: shut and.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Ran exactly like the second I got off the stage.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how did you feel seeing our big, blended family
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: all there together celebrating you.
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  Speaker 2: It was really nice to see all you guys. When
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: I looked out in the crowd, I saw all of
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: you with your pappers. I could hear you guys very loudly.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: It was so nice that all of you guys came together.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: It felt like such a foundation for such a big
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: moment for me. And seeing all of you guys just
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: being so proud of me, I could really feel it,
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: and it made me proud of me, and I was
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: just really happy to see everyone come together in that moment.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Is weird when you see me and your dad together
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: and then like Dave and Lily, it's a little of it.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's weird.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a little weird, but like in a good way.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's not any sort of bad, bad
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: feeling towards it. It makes me really happy to see
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: all of you guys together because I feel like I'm
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: lucky enough to have four parents now, and it just
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: kind of feels like everyone loves me so much that
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: it just comes together and in a big pool of love.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: That's how it feels for me.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: I've been having all my feelings. What if we call
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: your dad and find out like how he's feeling since
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: you graduated? Can you call him?
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Should we call him?
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Call him?
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Wait, he never answers my call, so you do it
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: from your phone.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's see if feel inswer mine. Hi, we are
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: on podcast right now. I just wanted to Hey, Peter,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: mom's here too, right, I'm in the shower.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Okay, this is gonna be great. Why first of all,
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: why do you have your phone in the shower?
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: I was, I reached out, I'm naked, and I'm well, that's.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: A visual for our listeners.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: That welcome to showering with Peter fashion Elle.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Oh that you know what that could work. I'm not
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  Speaker 1: gonna lie. Well, Fiona and I are on my podcast
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: and we are talking about her high school experience and
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  Speaker 1: I was kind of sharing like where I am and
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  Speaker 1: all the emotions that I've kind of ran through and
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: where I've kind of settled, and we were just wondering, like,
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: for you, where are you with it? Like such a
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: big feeling. Yeah, how are you feeling?
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  Speaker 3: I feel very numb. Honestly, it's been a very numbing experience. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: I don't know if it's all hit me yet.
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  Speaker 2: I am.
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  Speaker 3: It's a fe you know, you're you're our baby, so
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: you're all growing up and it's a whole new chapter.
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  Speaker 3: And I feel like I don't I don't know how
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  Speaker 3: to feel. I really feel like I haven't fully experienced
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: all the emotions. I feel like I'm curious how you
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: you're doing because I want to check on you. I
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: feel like, are you feeling like lost? Are you feeling
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: like excited? Are you feeling sad? I mean, I think
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: it also triggers a lot of emotions. You know, when
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: I finish a chapter, you know, you kind of feel
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  Speaker 3: a little numb to like you do a little in
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  Speaker 3: a period of not knowing what the next is, you know,
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  Speaker 3: So it kind of I feel all those things coming
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  Speaker 3: maybe from you or maybe from the triggering of when
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  Speaker 3: I finished a chapter on things. So, you know, how
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: do you feel?
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  Speaker 2: I feel great, really happy. Honestly, it feels like I'm
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  Speaker 2: just so happy that I don't have to go back
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  Speaker 2: to high school. I feel a little numb too, like
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: definitely hasn't set in that I'm not going back, you know,
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: like when summer ends. But I I am actually really
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: happy and I feel like kind of just at peace.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: Like that's how I'm feeling, right, Yeah.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: That's got to be a good feeling.
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  Speaker 2: It's really nice, like waking up and not feeling stressed
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  Speaker 2: to do anything, like just kind of having a moment
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  Speaker 2: to just kind of regenerate and I bet. And it's
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: different from most summers because usually when I when I
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: when school ends for that year, you always think about, oh,
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: I'm going back and I have like summer reading to do.
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  Speaker 2: But right now, I just feel like I'm moving on
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  Speaker 2: to the next thing, and although change it feels scary
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  Speaker 2: a little bit like I don't really know what to expect.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's going to be good.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I do.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, so you're excited. It's like you're you're feeling free
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  Speaker 3: and excited.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's how I feel kind of like you.
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: Oh I was shower just dripping all over the floor.
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  Speaker 2: Now I'm getting a visual.
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  Speaker 1: I think we have to end this conversation.
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  Speaker 3: Well, thank you for calling and this. I hope this
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  Speaker 3: makes you feel like you can call me anytime anywhere.
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  Speaker 3: I will pick up a phone for you, even.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: On a podcast in ways wet and dripping, I love you.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: Hi. That was a shower.
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  Speaker 4: That's that's like I need to just kind of have
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: a moment to scrub my bell. Yeah, okay, Well he's
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: feeling numb.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: I can get that. Like it's like did that just happen?
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  Speaker 1: Did those four years just happen? And now it's all over.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it really honestly, I was thinking about that, like
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: everything felt so big in the moment, and then I
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: graduated and I was like, why did I care that
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  Speaker 2: much about everything?
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: That is profound? Like a lot of people don't come
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: to that realization until much much later in their lives
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  Speaker 1: and their like development. But for you to be able
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  Speaker 1: to see that now, just just looking right back from
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  Speaker 1: graduating from high school, that's huge. And if you can
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  Speaker 1: carry that on to wherever you go and whatever you do,
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  Speaker 1: remind yourself because I think we probably I know, your dad,
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  Speaker 1: I know we talked about like it doesn't really matter.
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  Speaker 1: You're never going to see these people again. Yeah, there
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  Speaker 1: are some friends that you're going to stay in touch with,
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  Speaker 1: but more so, it doesn't matter what anyone, you know, thinks.
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  Speaker 1: I'm just so grateful for the teachers who really saw you,
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  Speaker 1: you know, because you know, it's no joke. It really
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  Speaker 1: does take a village to raise a kid. And I'm
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: just I was every time you would come home and
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  Speaker 1: talk to me about you had a good experience with
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  Speaker 1: a teacher, or you're learning something and you're excited about
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  Speaker 1: with the lessons, or just the conversations you have after
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: class or before class with your teachers. Every time that
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: would happen, I would just be like, like excited, because
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  Speaker 1: that's what I wanted for you the whole time. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: but it wasn't always the case.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, there were a few teachers that I really connected
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  Speaker 2: with that really I really felt like saw me for
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  Speaker 2: like who I was and didn't have like a label
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  Speaker 2: on me or whatever it may be. I felt really
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  Speaker 2: seen by a few, and I really appreciate them looking back.
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  Speaker 1: Do you feel like some of your teachers helped to
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  Speaker 1: sort of shape you to the person that you are
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  Speaker 1: right now?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think there was a teacher sophomore year who
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: I really loved who Miss Alamida, Miss Alameda. I loved her.
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  Speaker 2: She really helped me, and I went back to her
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  Speaker 2: classroom many times, especially at lunches where I was feeling
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  Speaker 2: like emotional or anything like that, I would just talk
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  Speaker 2: with her and and she just really was such a
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: kind person that I really appreciated having, especially it's such
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: a hard time.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, what about you said that certain teachers were kind
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: of able to not label you or see past the
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  Speaker 1: what presents. Yeah, what do you think was stopping the
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: other teachers from being able to do that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think there was a couple of teachers looking
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  Speaker 2: back that I feel kind of had mislabeled me from
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  Speaker 2: the jump, and I always tried to participate in class,
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  Speaker 2: and there was sometimes when I felt kind of just
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: overlooked in classes and like they weren't as a whole.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: They were just looking at the group as a whole
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  Speaker 2: and not individually, which I feel like is a big thing,
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: especially in bigger classes where you where it's nice to
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: feel like you the teacher knows you and see how
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: hard you're trying, or like how much work you actually
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: are putting in. But I don't, I mean, it wasn't
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: that bad, but I think definitely there were some times
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: where that was what I felt.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: What are some things from your teachers and the other
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: adults maybe at your school that you'll take with you.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I think your favorite teachers were Miss Almadia.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Miss Almeida, Miss Colvin, Miss Shelton Michelle. Mister mister was
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: so fun. He was just a ball of energy.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: He made the learning fun.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: Fun And I was taking an AP class with him,
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: which is a harder class, and he never made me
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: feel even when I didn't understand, which is What I
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: really liked about him is he never made me feel
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: bad about asking questions and like being curious about the material,
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: even if the question sounds dumb. He would always say,
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: there's no such thing as a stupid question. So I
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: I just felt seen in that class. My other teachers,
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: they taught me a lot, especially Miss Covin, about social justice.
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  Speaker 2: Even it was a religion class, but it really taught
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: me about things I didn't even know. I mean, we
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: had classes about sexual health and all those types of
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: things that I never learned before. And I think that's
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: really important that I had that class, especially in a
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: school where some of those things are overlooked. That was
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: really helpful to learn about, right because it was.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: A Catholic Catholic school, So that's good that they were
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: teaching you those things.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and they she didn't look at it through a
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: lens of like this is bad or whatever. It's just
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: teaching and the facts and especially asking questions in that
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: class was really helpful. We had like an anonymous questions thing.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Wait wait, wait, what was one of your anonymous questions?
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: So nobody's going to know. I don't even know.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: I asked a lot of anonymous questions all, but I
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: asked a lot about I didn't know about all the STDs.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of them, and there's a lot of
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: facts about them. I was like, what And so I
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: would ask a lot of questions about that, like just
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: in general, like can you get this? Or what what
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: are the symptoms of this? You know, just asking questions
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: about that I didn't want people to be like, why
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: is she asking all these questions?
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: I'm asking for a friend.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I just wanted to know.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, it must be that. That's that's a really
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: good way to do it. How it be anonymous questions?
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: What about the teachers that didn't see you and that
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: sort of did you feel like they put you in
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  Speaker 1: a certain box? Like you said from the jump?
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  Speaker 2: And then I mean, yeah, there were some classes where
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't want to name names, but
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: I was being like picked on a lot for being
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: They would call me stupid or be like.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Ohoo, who no names, but who called you stupid? A teacher?
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: No? No, no, no, no, friends, I'm saying.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: Down.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: There were times when in the classroom I would feel
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: like the teachers could hear what was going on, but
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: they weren't doing anything, especially the comments of like they
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: would really get to meet some of the comments. And
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: I would even look at the teachers and they were
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: fully listening and they wouldn't do anything, and they would
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: just be like, Oh, it's just kids being kids. And
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: I think that it is so important for teachers to
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: pay attention to what is going on because they just don't.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: Sometimes they just want to teach the material and they
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: want to get through the class. But I don't know,
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: I just felt not supported by some of the teachers
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: sometimes in that sense, because I feel like I couldn't
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: go to anyone. And when I met some of my
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: favorite teachers senior year is when I realized I could
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: go to adults. But freshman year sophomore year, I didn't.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: With the exception of a few, I didn't feel like
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: I could go to anyone for help.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: That stinks.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it really was hard.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: What kind of comments are we talking about? Like that
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: would the teacher would overhear and then do nothing about
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: or say nothing about.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, mostly jokingly comments. I guess that's what they said.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: They were just jokes. Oh it's just a joke, joke,
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: don't be so sensitive, Just like oh, Fiona, like do
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: you get this? Or like is this too much for
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: you to understand? Or just like I would ask a question,
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: they'd be like what kind of question is that? I would
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: be like, or if I didn't know the answer, they'd
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: be like, of course she doesn't know the answer. Just
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: things like that, like little jabs, little like belittling comments,
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, which were made by my friends. So it
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: was hard for me to differentiate jokes and actual like truth.
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: I think that's still something I struggle with when I'm
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: around them or when I was around them, is like
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: do they actually think I'm stupid? Or are they joking?
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: I don't, I didn't, I still don't know.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: Well, don't let that make you feel stupid, because that
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: just is one of those things. It doesn't matter, and
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: you're never gonna see them anymore.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: No, that's exactly why I'm so happy to be gratifying.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can feel your joy, and it's
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: like it's contagious. You didn't just survive, you really grew
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: a lot. And I know that that happens for anybody
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: in high school. You've got to survive the rough times
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: and you've got to be open and grow. I think
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: you know things now that, like I said, some adults
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: don't even know they haven't learned, and things I'm still learning.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: What did you learn about yourself during the times when
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: things felt most impossible.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: I learned a lot. I feel like they were really
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: important gears those four years. I feel like you really
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: grow as a person. I think I learned how strong
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: I actually am and how much it's important to find
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: people that make you feel good and make you feel seen,
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: and to stick with those people you know. In high school,
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: it's so easy to get wrapped up in the cool
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: kids or who you know who you want to like you,
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: But it's important to stay with the people who just
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: like you for you and be loyal to them, because
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: I feel like that's really important to put your eggs
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: in the right baskets and find people that make you
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: feel good about being yourself. And I think I learned
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: that it's okay to be emotional and to go through
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: things and feel things deeply. It's not a weakness, it's
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: actually a strength that you can have. And don't let
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: people bring you down, because who really cares what they
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: think in the long run, I mean, it's your life,
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: So you said earlier. You were told you emotional.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: I've heard that a few times. Same, Yeah, you do,
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: I get it from you.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: But what do you think of being a person that's
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: charged with full of emotions.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: I think it's a great thing. I think it's something
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: to be proud of that you feel things deeply. I mean,
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: I would rather feel things ten times the normal feeling
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: than to feel less for people, you know, and if
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: if something hurts you, it should be okay to feel upset.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: It's not over dramatic or over sensitive to be affected
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: by things, you know. I feel like that was very
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: looked down upon when things would happen, and you just
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: don't like roll it off your back, you know. And
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: that's another thing, like sometimes if someone says something you should,
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: you know, roll it off your back because who cares
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: what they think? But it is hard to hear.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so in the moment, in the heated moment, and
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: like your other peers are around you, and it can
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: be so like isolating.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, isolating.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: I remember you quite a number of times calling me
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: which you're not supposed to go from school, calling me
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: from like the bathroom or the girl's locker room or something. Yeah,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: and just having to have a moment of like coming undone.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would not go back to that if you
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: paid me so much money.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: So I don't want to give you bad I really
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: just had.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: No Yeah, there were a lot of times like that.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: I know a lot of girls too who have had that.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: I've met girls and we've talked about it. There's just
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: one bathroom at school. We like talked about how that's
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: the bathroom you go and you cry and you call.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Your mom crying bathroom.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I think the tenants ladies didn't like me
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: very much because I was always sick.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: Is that you took a few you took mental health
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: days to a whole other level.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: I think they like should like frame my picture or
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: something with.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: All the notes we didn't give them to uh correct
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: your absences. When you look back on freshman year Fiona,
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: with that little freshman year Fiona to the Fiona you
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: are right now, what are the biggest differences that you
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: see in yourself?
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: So many? But I really just want to talk to her,
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: like i've I really just want to sit down with
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: her because she was so I mean, I love her,
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: but she was I like to say, beautifully naive, because
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: she just looked for the good and everything she didn't
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: was I don't think she was ever exposed to what
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: I had to be exposed to, but yeah, she I
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: think one of the biggest differences is like my sense
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: of self and what I will put up with. And
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: I used to do this thing. I don't know if
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: this is like a normal thing, but I used to
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: like act dumber than I was, just because that was
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: what people thought I was. And I just want to
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: tell her, like, you're so smart and so strong and
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: you don't need to like dumb yourself down.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: I can't lift my arms right now, but oh my god,
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: I'm cheering. Yes, Fiona, Yes, preach. That's it. Don't dumb
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: yourself down for anybody. We have we talked about that,
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: like in private. I don't know, maybe probably, yeah, because
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: that's a thing. That's a thing that I've done. That's it.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know why copings like a survival tactic.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: Like I just want to know why, Like why do
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: we do that?
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: Well, good thing, You're gonna go study psychology.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just so excited. That's why I'm doing it.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Why you come back to me with that information? Yeah,
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: don't dumb yourself down, don't dim or light, don't not
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: speak up and have a voice. That little Fiona, I
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: just want to hug her.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she needed a hug.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: We do a lot of talk about like thinking about
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: that little girl inside of you, and you know, at
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: your age, it seems kind of silly and like, okay, mom,
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: yeah I'll do that. But did you find yourself able
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: to kind of connect with that girl in those times?
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean I've been trying to do that more definitely.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: I think it's really important to be gentle with your
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: younger self and not be so hard on her, even
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: though she made questionable decisions. Sometimes it's important to, you know,
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: hold space for her and just accept that. And that
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: actually helped you to get to where you are now.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: So be grateful for that version of yourself that is
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: no longer there.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: So if someone were to give you a hard time now,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: try to put you in the dumb box.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm not putting up with it anymore. I think
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: there's definitely parts of me that at first they're like okay,
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: just like yeah, I am, you know, But then I
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: think I'm I'm strong enough now to be like, don't
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: talk to me like that that you don't get to
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: talk to me like that, you know, And some I
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: used to get mad at you. I remember, I'm sorry
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: to get mad at you when you would get when
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: you would stand up for yourself, like when you were
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: when you were, for example, like a road rage, Like
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: when you were on the road and somebody would you
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: do have a when like somebody would say something mean
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: to you and you were like no, like, don't talk
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: to me like that, and you would get all riled up.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: I'd be like, Mom, calm down.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Like always you want to backt like that, mom to
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: embarrass me?
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but honestly, like that's that is what you have
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: to do like that. You don't put up with that crap.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: No you don't. So I'm actually proud of you now,
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: and I'd like to be more like that.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, see what you did there? See what I did there?
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: Taught you something he did when it came to that relationship,
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: you know, the one I'm talking about. Everybody around us
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: knows the one I'm talking about. What do you think
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: finally helped you walk away? I know how how hard
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: that was for you, and I also know how powerful
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: you had to become to make that choice, like, if
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: you feel ready, I'd love for you to sort of
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: speak to that from your perspective.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it was really hard to go through,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: especially at that age. I met that guy when I
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: was a freshman, the first kind of movie night we had,
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: like the first time, Yeah, the first he was the
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: first guy saw. I remember it like, I was like
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: I like him, Like I was like that something was
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: set a on him and I don't know why that happened.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: I feel like now I can look back and think
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: like that was a lesson, like that was put into
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: that place because I needed to learn this. It took
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: a long time, but I needed to learn that. And yeah,
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: it was very tumultuous, very like an emotional rollercoaster for
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: four years, and it really affected the way people saw me,
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: not only how you felt and the way I saw me, yes, yea,
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: which is the most important, but it did affect the
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: way everyone saw me, which made everyone treat me differently.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: And you know, I wish I didn't have to go
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: through it, but I really think I learned a big, big,
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: big lesson. I think it really taught me moving forward,
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: what I will put up with and what I won't
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: put up with, so I'm actually grateful for it. I
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: don't think I was the best version of myself, so
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: I can take accountability. When you're with someone like that,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: it can bring out the worst in you, and I
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: think I definitely saw that. I saw the worst version
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: of myself that I could be, and I didn't like her,
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: and so that was really hard because I didn't like
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: myself at all, and so I think that's what really
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: made me leave after a long time of going back
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: and back and back, but really the last time I
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: left it was because I just couldn't stand who I
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: was because it just made me so just the worst
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: version of myself. So yeah, I think that's what pushed
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: me to leave, and knowing that I deserve better, and also,
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: I will say connection from family and friends who saw
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: me and loved me, I think really helped me get
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: through that because I felt very alone at times. So
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: when I was with people who I knew loved me
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: for me and I saw that version, I saw that
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: little girl who I am come out, I was like,
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: I want to be happy, I want to be me.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: So I think I chose me and I finally just
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: put that in the past. And I also think leaving
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: high school is you know, really closing the chapter. But
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: it's definitely hard.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Definitely hard. What would you say to a freshman who's
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: going into high school who maybe spots a guy and
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: thinks he's the one.
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: Don't put your eggs on one basket. That's what I
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: will say, like straight out of the gate. Don't do that. Yeah,
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: just make good friends, surround yourself with people who share
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: your same passions and interests and see you and be
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: you know, cautious and and don't don't accept anything less
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: than what you deserve.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: I think, how do you find those those your people? Though?
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: How do you find those people that see you in
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: a sea of how many? How many people were in
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: your class? A lot?
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: I don't even know, maybe like four hundred, I think, Yeah,
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: I would say I didn't really find I mean, with
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: the exception of a few, I didn't really find my
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: people in high school. I think that's because I didn't have,
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: you know, a major sport that I was in or
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: a club I wasn't very well I did, but I quit.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: So you were you were in soccer the first year?
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and then I quit. Yeah. So I think even
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: if it's not a sport, if you're not into sports,
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: a club or you know, sitting with different people and
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: exploring different options. And I was really caught up in
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: the cool group, like who are the popular kids? You know?
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: And that was always on my mind, like I have
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: to go sit with them. Even if I met like
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: a really cool girl in like my English class, I'd
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: be like, you're cool, But I have to go sit
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: with the people that don't actually like me because I
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: want them to like me.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: You know, that's so ridiculous.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: It is ridiculous, but I feel like it's honestly something
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: everyone goes through. But I would say a freshman just
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: to find, like someone who's going into high school, just
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: you know, explore different groups and find the people that
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: make you feel the best and stick with them.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm yeah, like get curious instead of just being
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: handed what comes your way, Like step out of that
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: and get curious about like what are my other options
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: around this place?
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's so many people. And on graduation day, people's
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: names were being called and I was like, who is that,
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: Like I don't I didn't even know. And I was
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: like they could have been really cool, and I never
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: got to get to know them because I was too
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: stuck in my own world, and I think stepping out
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: of that can really be beneficial, especially when you feel isolated.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Do you think you missed out on some opportunities?
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do. I mean I did joins like cheer
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: and things.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Weren't even the Divorced Kids club I was.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: I don't think I went to a meeting, but I
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: signed up for that one.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: I didn't know you weren't. It was frowned upon, so
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: you you didn't.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: I also like signed up for a bunch of different clubs,
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: but actually never went to the meetings. Just so I
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: think really going just experiencing. If you don't like it,
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: then don't go back. But I never even went, so
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: I think you should go and just have like one
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: meeting at lunch with somebody.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: You know. That seems odd behavior from you, just knowing
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: you so well and knowing how you love meeting new
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: people and you love talking to people and you're so curious.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: It might you know, it pains me to know like
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: how trapped inside yourself you were.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I was saying, Like I didn't even
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: recognize myself. I didn't want to know anybody else except
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: for the people that were treating me the worst, which
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: is what is that? So I think there was some
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: sort of prize. We've talked about this where I felt like,
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: if I could get them to like me, I won,
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: you know. With the guy felt like either he was
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: hot commodities, so I was like, if I could get
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: him to like me, I'm I'm you know, I'm that
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: girl or whatever. But I don't looking back, that.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: Was just so stupid, Like it's sort of this like
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: kind of need to win or to conquer or something
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: like we've talked about that because I possessed that to
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: a very competitive not with outside, just competitive with my
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: own self and like I got to do that. Yeah,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: that seems like something I can't do. I'm gonna do it.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: I'm going to prove to myself and others I can't
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: do that.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: You know, maybe you shouldn't have had to prove yourself
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: with that regard.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: Oh man, Okay, Well let's talk about the mom hard
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: for a second. Were there times when you felt like
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: I wasn't fully there for you or were there times
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: when I was there for you way too much? I
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: mean I'm sure yes to both of those.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: Yes to both of those. I feel like sometimes I
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: push you away. A lot of times I push you
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: away because I felt I needed to handle it all
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: on my own. And then sometimes I really just needed
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: a hug. But that was also my fault because I
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: didn't tell anybody what was going on. So I think, honestly,
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: you did a great job. I think, especially in the
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: last two years, I started opening up more to you.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you felt that, but I just
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: felt really supported by you the last two years. The
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: first two years I just wanted to do it all
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: my own, So it really was not your fault.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: What do you think was the shift? I think.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: I think I don't know what it was, but I
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: feel like the summer going into junior year, I didn't
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: talk to anybody from my school. I had my best
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: friend outside of school who really helped me, and yeah,
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: I love her, and that really changed how I felt
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: about priorities and who I'm going to give my energy to.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: And I felt like I really needed to give my
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: energy to my family that I feel like I need
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: to lean on you guys in that time and my
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: best friend, so I think that would just became more
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: important to me. So I think that's when I started
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: talking to you, especially after I got out of the relationship.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: I think I was more open to sharing what happened,
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: because when you're in a relationship, you don't want to
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: talk about the bad things you do because then you're
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: not going to like him, you know, right, you.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: Don't want me to not like him. I want to
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: change your mind tomorrow, exactly.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: I wanted you to like him, so I just protected
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: him at all costs and made him seem like the
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: best boyfriend, the best person, when really it was tearing
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: me down emotionally inside and just really hard. I just
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: wanted to paint the best picture of what was going on.
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: So I think after that ended, I was more open
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: to sharing, and I feel like we connected more after that.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so glad you started talking to me, because
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: a mom can always feel it, see it, know, when
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: their kid is struggling. You know, you see it in
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: different ways, and you see it and things that aren't
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: said as much as the things that are said. And
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but I mean, I feel
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: so grateful that you made it through that, specifically that relationship,
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: that you learned all about the person you didn't want
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: to be. Yeah, Okay, Well, looking ahead, What is it
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: during this time of transition into college that you would
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: like to see from me or what would you like
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: me to do differently? And I'm just opening this up
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: for conversation. Well, you're really excited.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think you do.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: A great job.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: Honestly, I'll give that to you. I think you're very
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: easy to talk to, easy to come to with my problems,
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: and I don't think you try to control me at all.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: I mean I am technically an adult, just saying, but
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: I think going into college, I'll probably want to come
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: home a lot, especially since i'll be closed.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: Oh no, that's that's bad because I'm going to use
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: your room as a gym.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: No, you're not to keep it exactly as it is. No, Yeah,
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: I feel like just being a supportive person like you are.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: I don't think there's anything you need to change honestly
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: as of right now.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: No, no curfew alternation.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: You could yeah, maybe like one am.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: What do you think a reasonable curfew is for somebody
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: in high school and then somebody that's just graduated fromigh.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: School, well senior in high school. I mean a lot
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: of my friends don't even have curfews.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: What's up with that.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: I just don't think it's like a thing anymore. I
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: really have never heard the word curfew in a couple
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: of months. I don't think people are like, oh, my curfew,
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: I have to be home. I think they just like
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: you say that kind of kind of yeah. But honestly,
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: I think people just know when to be home. I
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: mean the people I hang out with her, like, I
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: want to be home at this time. I want to
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: be home, like in my bed, you know. But I
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: feel like a reasonable curfew for like I don't know,
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: like twelve twelve one.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love you so much, twelve, let's twelve thirty
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: about it?
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but now I'm feeling like one thirty.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, well you can come back. Let's circle back on that.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: Let's put a pin in that. Okay, But seriously, no,
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: what did I always tell you?
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: Nothing good happens after I don't even know what time you.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: Said, but you are listening one midnight.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: Oh I thought you said one.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: No, nothing good ever happens in LA after midnight.
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: That's so true, though, It true, it really is. But
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: like I just keep going out past twelve and then
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: like being like, oh wait, mom says she was right.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: This is I'm not having fun all of a sudden. Huh. Okay,
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: so you've graduated from high school. You are in the
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: in between space between high school and going off to
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: college in the fall. What do you feel as a
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: family member your role is during this time? Because I
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: know if I were to put myself in your shoes,
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: I would be like, Whooo, I've got to party it
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: up with all my friends that I probably am not
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: going to see again for a very long time. They're
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: going off to different colleges, and I just want to
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: hang out my friends and go to the beach and
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: have fun.
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's basically how I'm feeling.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, what does choosing yourself mean to you? Now?
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: After everything you've walked through, I've watched you claim your power,
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: and I want to know what it feels like from
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: your perspective. What does choosing yourself truly mean to you now?
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: I think it just means thinking about what you need
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: in that moment. And I know that sounds selfish, but
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: it isn't, because you putting yourself first in a conscious
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: way about what is going to make me feel better
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: and what is going to make me feel more aligned
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: with who I am more so I think, yeah, just
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: doing things that make you feel happy and not trying
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: to please everybody else, and taking moments to really think.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: About what you need in that moment.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: Check in with your Yeah, just check in and you know,
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: think about what you need in that moment.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: What are you most excited about as you go off
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: to college.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: I'm so excited to meet a brand new bunch of
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: new people and to have new experiences, to learn new things.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: I think having some sort of like independence. Also like
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: living in my own dorm and decorating it and making
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: sure that I get to the you know, the gym
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: in my classes on time. I'm just excited to have
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: like a sense of independence, I think. And yeah, I
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: would say the most exciting thing to me is like
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: meeting new people and picking the right people that that
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: I feel the best around.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: M hmm. How are you gonna know?
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know yet, but I feel like i'll know.
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: I feel like I've met good friends and I have
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: good friends right now. I'll be like I feel good
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: around this person, and just like it's a feeling You're like, oh,
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: I like being around this person, like they're a cool person,
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: and not in the way that you want to, you know,
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: impress them or like suck up to them, but just
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: like I like being around you and it feels.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: Natural and fun and easy. Yeah.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: So I want to find people that I just can
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: talk to and listen to, you know, and have fun with.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: I mean speaking of talking too and listening to people.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: Should we tell? Do you want to tell the audience?
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: Like we can give a little little sneaky peaky we
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: could do that into what's about to happen? You do it?
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: You do it well.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be starting my own podcast with my heart. Yeah.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: That's that's a big applause. That's this is huge.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: I'm so excited.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: We don't know what it's going to be called yet, Nope. Okay,
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: when it's going to be out, Nope.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: I just know I'm excited to talk about what I've
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: been through and kind of help others to feel seen,
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: other people my age to feel seen. I feel like
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: I've felt isolated and I feel like when I was
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: in those times, I was like, no one is going
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: through what I'm going through, And I just want to
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: offer a space where you can feel, you know, like
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: people understand, like I understand what you're going through. You know,
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: so that's going to be really good for a lot
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: of excited I hope, I hope people really take what
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: they need out of it and really enjoy it.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, miss Fiona Patinally before I let you go,
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: what was your last I Choose me moment?
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: Hmm okay, well my last actually, my last I choose
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: me moment was this morning? Okay, yeah, this morning and
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: I woke up around like nine and I read I
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: think like three chapters, which is a lot, three chapters
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: of my book that I'm really loving right now.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: What's the book.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: It's called How to Love Better. I think it's Young
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: POI blowers, Yes, yes, it's great, so good. I love
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: this chapter that I just read. The last one I
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: just read this morning, called Leaving Things in the Past.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: I was like, this is perfect, and I think that
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: really helped me set the tone for my day instead
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: of just getting on my phone like I usually do.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: I just felt like I really reflected on what I read,
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: So I think I really chose myself in that moment.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: What was your takeaway from that chapter?
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: I oh, okay, I wanted to talk about this. It
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: said in like the last part of the chapter, this
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: quote about how life is like a moving river, and
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: how things are supposed to flow through you and you're
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: not supposed to cling on or have attachment to things
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: because that can lead to suffering. And I think just
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: thinking of life like a river, like this is a
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: great moment, but it's going to pass, and being in
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: the present moment because that moment is only one moment,
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: you know. So I think really enjoying every day to
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: the fullest potential you can. You are a genius. I
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: love you, I love you.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: Thank you for coming on the podcast. And this is
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: how I feel about you.