Latest / F*ck, I’m Nearly 50! / Why Didn’t We Talk About Perimenopause Sooner? | Shelly Horton | F*ck, I’m Nearly 50!

Transcript

Why Didn’t We Talk About Perimenopause Sooner? | Shelly Horton | F*ck, I’m Nearly 50! · F*ck, I’m Nearly 50!

• 0:00
  Dominique Hind: Hi, I'm Dom Hind and and fuck, I'm nearly 50.
• 0:02
  Dominique Hind: Actually I'm 47 and a half, but who's counting?
• 0:06
  Dominique Hind: Let's be real.
• 0:08
  Dominique Hind: This stage of life comes with a lot, from body changes that feel like betrayal to silence surrounding what's actually going on inside us.
• 0:16
  Dominique Hind: It's no wonder so many women feel like they're unraveling and doing it alone.
• 0:21
  Dominique Hind: But what if we didn't just survive perimenopause?
• 0:24
  Dominique Hind: What if we embraced it out loud, with humor, honesty and a whole lot of power?
• 0:30
  Dominique Hind: Enter today's guest, shelley Horton.
• 0:32
  Dominique Hind: She's a journalist, media entrepreneur, unapologetic voice of women in midlife and now your peri-godmother.
• 0:39
  Dominique Hind: With her new book I'm your Peri-Godmother.
• 0:42
  Dominique Hind: It is a rally cry for women to stop whispering about hormonal chaos happening in their bodies and start owning the conversation With brutal honesty and laugh out loud moments.
• 0:53
  Dominique Hind: Shelley gives us permission to ditch the shame, arm ourself with knowledge and demand better, better healthcare, better information and better conversations, because midlife isn't the beginning of the end.
• 1:05
  Dominique Hind: It's the start of something real, raw, rebellious and, let's be honest, fuck.
• 1:12
  Dominique Hind: I'm nearly 50, but isn't it amazing?
• 1:15
  Dominique Hind: Shelley Horton has built a career on saying the things other people are afraid to say, from morning television to running her own media training company, shellshock Media.
• 1:35
  Dominique Hind: She's always made her voice loud and unapologetically hers, but it's her new role that might just be her most important one yet Perigodmother.
• 1:48
  Dominique Hind: In her new book, I'm your Perigodmother, which has just hit the shelves, shelley rips the cloak of invisibility of perimenopause and midlife.
• 1:58
  Dominique Hind: She shares the gut-punching realities, from wild mood swings to brain fog and making you realize why you sometimes forget why you walked into a room, with humor, heart and helpful solutions.
• 2:15
  Dominique Hind: This episode is for anyone who's ever felt dismissed by a doctor, doubted their own sanity or just needed someone to say you're not alone and you're not crazy.
• 2:26
  Dominique Hind: We talk about the symptoms.
• 2:28
  Dominique Hind: No one warned you about the power of self-advocacy, the myths of the hot mess and why midlife women are the most underestimated powerhouse demographic out there, because this isn't just a hormonal shift, it's a cultural one.
• 2:46
  Dominique Hind: Let's get into it.
• 2:47
  Dominique Hind: Shelley, welcome to Fuck.
• 2:49
  Dominique Hind: I'm Nearly 50.
• 2:50
  Shelly Horton: That was the best intro ever, Dom.
• 2:52
  Shelly Horton: I'm so excited to chat to you.
• 2:54
  Dominique Hind: Amazing.
• 2:55
  Dominique Hind: How would you introduce yourself if you weren't trying to be polite?
• 3:00
  Shelly Horton: Hello, I'm your perigodmother.
• 3:02
  Shelly Horton: My name's Shelley, and if you're over 40, you fucking need me.
• 3:09
  Dominique Hind: Do you know what?
• 3:10
  Dominique Hind: I've been reading your book and it's been really interesting, because you think you know most of it, but there's so much in there that you just have absolutely gone.
• 3:19
  Dominique Hind: Oh okay, I don't really know any of that stuff.
• 3:23
  Shelly Horton: But forewarned, forearmed.
• 3:25
  Shelly Horton: You know, this is about educating ourselves so we can be the best we can be.
• 3:29
  Dominique Hind: I think that is.
• 3:30
  Dominique Hind: It's so true, and so much of what you said or you say in the book is without the knowledge.
• 3:36
  Dominique Hind: You just go in blind and what we were like when we were younger.
• 3:42
  Dominique Hind: Okay, what's the most absurd, hilarious or completely maddening thing that's happened to you because of perimenopause and how did you handle it?
• 3:54
  Shelly Horton: All right.
• 3:55
  Shelly Horton: So this is a hot flush moment, but I do my regular spots on Channel 9 where I debate the news of the day with journalists.
• 4:04
  Shelly Horton: And you know I've been doing it I've been on Channel 9 for nearly a decade, so you know I don't get stressed or nervous about it.
• 4:10
  Shelly Horton: I'm normally on with Ben Fordham or John Mangus or someone like that.
• 4:13
  Shelly Horton: And then one day they said oh, by the way, today you're going to be debating Liz Hayes and I'm like and I love Liz Hayes like 60 Minutes Idol and it brought on the biggest hot flush.
• 4:28
  Shelly Horton: So much of my makeup was actually dripping off my face.
• 4:32
  Shelly Horton: And Liz is so freaking cool so she doesn't walk, she glides.
• 4:38
  Shelly Horton: And so, as she was gliding through the studio and I'm like fanning myself, just like trying to cool down, I just had to own it.
• 4:47
  Shelly Horton: And I'm just like oh, liz, I'm so sorry I'm having a hot flush.
• 4:49
  Shelly Horton: And she was so amazing.
• 4:52
  Shelly Horton: She just lent in and put her very cold hand on my hot wrist and just went oh, sweetheart, I've been there, done that, trust me, it gets better.
• 5:00
  Shelly Horton: And I was like thank you, and I appreciated her compassion.
• 5:04
  Shelly Horton: And then she went have you had the rage yet?
• 5:13
  Shelly Horton: And I was like what, no, what.
• 5:14
  Shelly Horton: And she's like, oh, I had the meno rage.
• 5:15
  Shelly Horton: She said let me tell you.
• 5:15
  Shelly Horton: One time I was at a petrol station, I just filled up and I sat back in my car and I was organizing my receipt and plugging my phone in and this guy in a sports car pulled up.
• 5:24
  Shelly Horton: She said I got out of my car, I walked over there and I ripped him a new one and then I walked back to my car, sat in there and went.
• 5:36
  Shelly Horton: Well, that just happened and I was just like, oh my God, I've never wanted CCT video more in my life than to see Liz Hayes ripping some, you know banker, a new asshole.
• 5:51
  Shelly Horton: So in those moments of like absolute craziness, to have someone give you that kind of share, that information, is like this true sisterhood moment.
• 6:01
  Dominique Hind: And it does make it feel a little bit more normal, which is a good thing.
• 6:04
  Shelly Horton: Yes, absolutely.
• 6:07
  Dominique Hind: You've described perimenopause as feeling like your body turns against you.
• 6:11
  Dominique Hind: Can you take us into that experience emotionally?
• 6:15
  Dominique Hind: What part of yourself did you feel like you were losing?
• 6:20
  Shelly Horton: So, as you will know from the book and I have been quite open about it I am like one in three women in perimenopause, in that I got perimenopausal depression Now.
• 6:30
  Shelly Horton: I had never had mental health issues before in my life and so for me, I felt like I was losing my mind and having to cope with extreme anxiety, heart palpitations and this suffocating depression.
• 6:47
  Shelly Horton: I felt like I wasn't me.
• 6:49
  Shelly Horton: It just felt like someone else had taken over my body.
• 6:54
  Shelly Horton: And I am so busy and I love my job and I love what I do.
• 7:02
  Shelly Horton: And the depression took over so badly that I wanted to quit my job.
• 7:06
  Shelly Horton: And when I came home in tears, I was crying nearly every day, came home in tears to my husband and I said to him I'm just, I'm not coping.
• 7:16
  Shelly Horton: I think I need to quit my job.
• 7:18
  Shelly Horton: And that's when he said it was the biggest red flag.
• 7:23
  Shelly Horton: He had been tiptoeing around me for months, but he sat me down and he just said I don't think there's anything wrong with you, but I think there might be something wrong with the chemicals in your brain.
• 7:35
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, let's go and see someone together.
• 7:38
  Dominique Hind: So amazing.
• 7:40
  Shelly Horton: How incredible is that?
• 7:42
  Shelly Horton: Yeah.
• 7:42
  Shelly Horton: How incredible is that?
• 7:44
  Shelly Horton: So without him I don't know what would have happened to me.
• 7:50
  Shelly Horton: And I really, really suggest that, if you can and if you have a partner, get your partner to come with you to the first couple of health appointments, because, even if it's your sister or your best friend, just so you've got someone there because your brain's not working very well, You're you know, if you've got depression, if you've got all of this going on, it's really hard to look at yourself from the outside in and sometimes you need someone else there advocating for you.
• 8:19
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, I, I agree.
• 8:20
  Dominique Hind: I do think that one of the things that I've just discovered, even just with my own health journey, is you have to advocate for yourself.
• 8:26
  Dominique Hind: You have to advocate because otherwise no one else is going to, and GPs are a bit shit, yeah.
• 8:35
  Shelly Horton: And that's actually not slagging GPs.
• 8:39
  Shelly Horton: It's not even really their fault.
• 8:40
  Shelly Horton: So if you're looking at GPs in Australia, if your doctor is Gen X or older, they will have gone through medical school with zero training on menopause and perimenopause.
• 8:53
  Dominique Hind: Zero.
• 8:54
  Shelly Horton: Which is offensive when you consider it is half the population and 100% of women, if they live long enough, will go through it Like not every woman has a baby, but they learn all about that.
• 9:06
  Shelly Horton: But every single woman will go through perimenopause and menopause, and it was not taught at all.
• 9:11
  Shelly Horton: So this is something that I have been advocating in parliament about and getting up on my soapbox saying that this has to be changed, and I'm very proud to say that the government has listened and they are going to now make it mandatory for GPs to study perimenopause.
• 9:28
  Shelly Horton: But I also think that's a great start.
• 9:31
  Shelly Horton: We don't just need GPs doing it.
• 9:32
  Shelly Horton: We need our psychiatrists, we need everyone who looks after women to be aware of this stage of life and the impact the hormones can have.
• 9:43
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, I definitely agree with that.
• 9:45
  Dominique Hind: I'm just so lucky that I've got an amazing GP who, I think she's probably not Gen X, so that's why she is so amazing and is very aware of everything.
• 9:55
  Dominique Hind: But it is, if they don't know, they don't know.
• 9:58
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, and the other great thing is, when you do find someone, you hold on to them.
• 10:02
  Shelly Horton: To me, it's like you know, when you find a good hairdresser, you're like I am never leaving you.
• 10:06
  Shelly Horton: That's what I'm like with my GP now.
• 10:08
  Shelly Horton: I love her, but she also is very informed and very open to like information from my psychiatrist and my physio, and all of them are working together.
• 10:21
  Shelly Horton: So you have a team looking after you, I agree, but you're the one leading the team.
• 10:26
  Shelly Horton: It's no longer that doctors are gods.
• 10:28
  Shelly Horton: No, it's you.
• 10:29
  Shelly Horton: Do your own research and information and make sure that you're on the same page.
• 10:34
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, and you do have to own it as long as you've got a great team around you.
• 10:37
  Dominique Hind: What narratives around beauty, age or success did you find yourself questioning or even unlearning during this phase?
• 10:48
  Shelly Horton: I don't think I've ever had a problem with getting older, but I think now the thing that I really fought against was that your weight is your worth.
• 11:01
  Shelly Horton: You know that the way you look is really important, and I think now I am like I am way more important than my waistline, Like please.
• 11:11
  Shelly Horton: So my brain is what is, uh, you know, the impressive thing about me?
• 11:17
  Shelly Horton: So I think that that ageism and concerned about the way I look has definitely just been kicked aside, and it makes me feel really sad when women my age and older say that they feel invisible.
• 11:31
  Shelly Horton: And so I've got a whole section in the book where I'm like let's fucking refuse to be invisible, let's be loud.
• 11:38
  Shelly Horton: This is your time to be outrageous.
• 11:40
  Shelly Horton: So don't fade away, Don't feel like you can't take up space.
• 11:45
  Shelly Horton: Take up more space.
• 11:47
  Dominique Hind: Well, and it is.
• 11:48
  Dominique Hind: I was reading something this morning that said when at your funeral, no one's going to remember your six pack or how, what you looked like, yeah, If you look good in bikini, it's like no, no, no, they're going to remember how you made them feel and how much fun they had with you and you go.
• 12:03
  Dominique Hind: That is actually so true, rather than we all get caught up in what we look like.
• 12:09
  Shelly Horton: So true.
• 12:11
  Dominique Hind: How do we reclaim ownership over our identity when society is telling us to shrink, settle or fade out?
• 12:18
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, I think this, yeah, this is where you lean into the menopausal zest and you actually tap into.
• 12:27
  Shelly Horton: I have been taking care of everyone else for most of my life.
• 12:32
  Shelly Horton: What do I really want to do?
• 12:34
  Shelly Horton: And that's where you'll actually find so many women start a side hustle or decide that they want to go on cruises.
• 12:42
  Shelly Horton: You know what?
• 12:43
  Shelly Horton: There was a study that showed that menopausal women were more likely to go on trips with their girlfriends than with their family.
• 12:50
  Shelly Horton: I love that, because they're like no, no, I need some me time.
• 12:54
  Dominique Hind: Yes, which, yeah, but it is like, even with doing this, like I'm like, yep, I'm just going to do it because it's you know, I'm nearly 50.
• 13:02
  Dominique Hind: It's the best, like, yep, I'm just going to do it because it's you know, I'm nearly 50.
• 13:04
  Dominique Hind: It's the best.
• 13:05
  Dominique Hind: Become a beginner, just learn, you know, stuff it up, but whatever, it's great.
• 13:09
  Shelly Horton: It's like chew.
• 13:11
  Shelly Horton: You know, bite off more than you can chew and chew like fuck.
• 13:13
  Dominique Hind: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 13:15
  Dominique Hind: What are some red flags that a healthcare provider doesn't take women in midlife seriously?
• 13:25
  Shelly Horton: And what's your advice for calling it out?
• 13:27
  Shelly Horton: So I, as you can imagine my DMs blow up with women who have just been so gaslit by doctors and told that they're just stressed or they just need to lose a bit of weight or it's just a natural part of aging, and that drives me crazy, so that if you have a doctor say that to you, that is a massive red flag and I don't even think they deserve a second opportunity.
• 13:49
  Shelly Horton: Fire them, find another doctor, find someone who has a specialty in perimenopause and menopause, and go to someone who's going to actually care about you rather than prescribe an antidepressant and send you on your way.
• 14:04
  Shelly Horton: So I think it's really important to take charge in that case and I just won't put doctors up on a pedestal the way that they expect to be.
• 14:17
  Dominique Hind: And I think it has changed.
• 14:18
  Dominique Hind: It definitely has changed.
• 14:19
  Dominique Hind: Like, if you think, even I've talked to my nan and she's like, oh no, we've got to trust everything that they tell us.
• 14:25
  Dominique Hind: And it's like no, no, no, no.
• 14:26
  Dominique Hind: How do you feel?
• 14:27
  Dominique Hind: Like, how do you feel?
• 14:28
  Dominique Hind: And if it's not in here and you know something's wrong, you need to own it.
• 14:34
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, and I absolutely love it because in my book Dr Kelly Casperson, who's a urologist in America, please follow her, she is hilarious in America, please follow her.
• 14:48
  Shelly Horton: She is hilarious.
• 14:48
  Shelly Horton: But she said when someone says, okay, menopause is just a natural part of aging, she's like, okay, then every single person take their eyeglasses off because that's just a natural part of aging.
• 14:55
  Shelly Horton: But we do something to fix it, we make our life easier, we don't go around squinting.
• 15:00
  Shelly Horton: So I kind of loved that analogy because I'm like, yeah, don't go around squinting.
• 15:02
  Shelly Horton: So I kind of loved that analogy because I'm like, yeah, let's get the support we need to be the best we can be and feel well, yeah, I think it is so true, like why cope, why suffer?
• 15:14
  Shelly Horton: I'm just so tired of women having to suffer, yeah.
• 15:21
  Dominique Hind: If a woman is listening and is feeling like she's not coping, but getting no real answers, what's the first, most empowering step she can take?
• 15:28
  Shelly Horton: It's educate yourself, like, honestly, once you learn more about what's going on with your body, the more you can then understand it, track your symptoms.
• 15:41
  Shelly Horton: So, for me, recording you know, my periods were all over the shop so recording when you have your periods, recording your moods, things like that because that then is like putting together a case and you can, instead of saying you know so, doc, here's the information it's like, and I rest my case your honor.
• 16:00
  Shelly Horton: Let's sort this out.
• 16:03
  Dominique Hind: And I think that we track everything anyway, like with the Aurorink or with your Apple Watch.
• 16:08
  Dominique Hind: I mean, it's all there, just do it.
• 16:10
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, okay, that's actually a great one.
• 16:12
  Dominique Hind: You've never been afraid to use your voice.
• 16:15
  Dominique Hind: How did perimenopause amplify your mission and your message and your refusal to stay quiet?
• 16:27
  Shelly Horton: and your message and your refusal to stay quiet.
• 16:29
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, so I really felt sideswiped by perimenopause because my mother had never discussed it with me.
• 16:32
  Shelly Horton: I moved away from my hometown for my career, so therefore I didn't have a friendship group that was the same age, going through the same you know hormonal issues, and I wasn't even working in a workplace full time.
• 16:44
  Shelly Horton: So therefore I just didn't have that information passed down through the sisterhood, and so I felt like I'm a pretty educated person.
• 16:57
  Shelly Horton: I work in the media, I have been a health reporter for years, and if I didn't know about it, if I was struggling, then there would be a lot of other women struggling out there.
• 17:10
  Shelly Horton: So once I started to get well again after I went on to HRT, I then, instead of just feeling grateful that I didn't feel terrible anymore, I got mad.
• 17:24
  Shelly Horton: It wasn't menorrhage.
• 17:24
  Shelly Horton: Maybe it was menorrhage, but I'm like, no, I'm going to do something about this.
• 17:28
  Shelly Horton: So that's when I campaigned in Parliament.
• 17:31
  Shelly Horton: So I was part of the first ever parliamentary round table on menopause in 2023.
• 17:37
  Shelly Horton: Can you believe?
• 17:39
  Shelly Horton: 2023 was the first time that the word menopause was ever said in Australian Parliament.
• 17:44
  Shelly Horton: That's how you know.
• 17:46
  Shelly Horton: We have come a long way very quickly, but that's where I know, because I have a history of speaking out about taboo topics.
• 17:55
  Shelly Horton: I don't get embarrassed about that.
• 17:57
  Shelly Horton: I stood up, you know, in parliament and spoke about heavy bleeding and stuff like that so.
• 18:03
  Shelly Horton: I'm going to be the one who's going to talk about it and I'm okay with that, because I know there's a lot of other women out there who wouldn't have that voice or wouldn't be able to get that platform.
• 18:14
  Shelly Horton: So I'm happy to step up and be loud and proud, yeah, and I think that is what we need.
• 18:21
  Dominique Hind: More people need to be talking about it.
• 18:23
  Dominique Hind: Your book, yeah.
• 18:27
  Dominique Hind: This one, yeah, yes, it's part guide, part confessional, part revolution.
• 18:34
  Dominique Hind: What chapter was the most cathartic or terrifying to write?
• 18:40
  Shelly Horton: So it was the depression chapter.
• 18:42
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, right, so it's the depression chapter.
• 18:50
  Shelly Horton: And this is.
• 18:50
  Shelly Horton: I'm still processing a little bit the amount of shame I felt, because I am a mental health advocate.
• 18:53
  Shelly Horton: I have never judged someone for having poor mental health, but then when it happened to me, I judged myself.
• 19:00
  Shelly Horton: I judged myself so badly and I pushed through without getting help for way too long.
• 19:08
  Shelly Horton: So I got to the point where my symptoms were horrific and I was at the point of self-harm.
• 19:15
  Shelly Horton: So I now, when I was writing that chapter I just told you about keeping a symptom diary.
• 19:22
  Shelly Horton: The brain is such an incredible thing.
• 19:25
  Shelly Horton: But I honestly in my head went oh yeah, I got depressed, didn't see anyone for nine months, got onto HRT and an antidepressant and then I was fine.
• 19:35
  Shelly Horton: But then I looked at my symptom diary and went oh no, it took me nearly three years to get over my depression and my brain had erased it.
• 19:46
  Shelly Horton: And so writing it was really tough because I kind of had to go back into those dark crevices.
• 19:54
  Shelly Horton: And also, yeah, even writing about my mum, I felt quite.
• 20:00
  Shelly Horton: I didn't ever want to upset my mum, and the way I phrase it is, I was mad at my mum, but now I'm mad for her because she was treated so badly.
• 20:09
  Shelly Horton: So yeah, the depression chapter is heavy and I do say in the book like if you're feeling a bit wobbly, just skip this until you're feeling stronger, like seriously.
• 20:19
  Shelly Horton: But if you're brave, hold my hand, I'll take you through it.
• 20:23
  Shelly Horton: But I just yeah, it was tough.
• 20:26
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, I can imagine it would be, and you know what it is.
• 20:29
  Dominique Hind: Also, one of the hardest things is admitting it Like it is and saying it out loud.
• 20:35
  Dominique Hind: Well, not even admitting it, just recognizing it.
• 20:37
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, like I don't know.
• 20:38
  Shelly Horton: I didn't I just because I had never had poor mental health before, I didn't have the tools in my toolbox to recognize symptoms, to know that I had to take action to.
• 20:48
  Shelly Horton: You know all of that and I have to be really honest and say you have to do the work.
• 20:54
  Shelly Horton: So it's not just you can take a pill and you feel better.
• 20:57
  Shelly Horton: I was having regular appointments with the psychiatrist.
• 21:00
  Shelly Horton: I picked up my exercise, I improved my eating, I value my sleep.
• 21:05
  Shelly Horton: You know like so there's a lot of work that goes on behind the scenes.
• 21:09
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, there is, and that's the thing everyone keeps saying.
• 21:12
  Dominique Hind: Like everyone that I talk to, it's all about doing the work on yourself and making sure that you as a person, or the asset, are actually okay.
• 21:22
  Dominique Hind: Yeah absolutely, because otherwise everything else goes to shit.
• 21:26
  Dominique Hind: What do you hope women feel as they turn the final page of the book?
• 21:34
  Shelly Horton: I hope they feel informed and hopeful because, yeah, it can be a rollicking ride and it can be pretty horrific for quite a few women, but you do get through it.
• 21:50
  Dominique Hind: Yeah.
• 21:51
  Shelly Horton: And then on the other side it's, yeah, it's like coming out of a dark tunnel and it's like, oh, I'm here again.
• 21:57
  Shelly Horton: So I hope, and I hope that they feel educated and entertained because it's an easy read, which is good.
• 22:07
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, I think that you really need um, I've I worked hard on breaking down the science to get all of the jargon out of it and, and you know, things like calling estrogen the Beyonce because it gives you the energy, and progesterone is the Snoop dog because it makes you chill, Like all of that.
• 22:25
  Shelly Horton: I'm like that'll stick in people's brains more than just learning the terms.
• 22:29
  Shelly Horton: I think so.
• 22:30
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, I'm hoping that they will understand their bodies a bit better.
• 22:36
  Dominique Hind: I do think that they will.
• 22:37
  Dominique Hind: If you could build every woman in midlife a Perry survival kit, what three things would you absolutely have inside it?
• 22:47
  Shelly Horton: Well, I'm going to be very black and white on this.
• 22:51
  Shelly Horton: It's HIT vaginal estrogen and testosterone.
• 22:55
  Shelly Horton: That's it Like.
• 22:57
  Shelly Horton: Get your hormones back in your freaking body.
• 22:59
  Shelly Horton: That's what you need.
• 23:00
  Shelly Horton: I'm like this is actually what you need, and I think that we need to take that fear away of HRT.
• 23:09
  Shelly Horton: It has been disproven that it causes breast cancer.
• 23:13
  Shelly Horton: It's incredibly safe for the majority of women, so for me, I just don't want women soldiering through, so a peri-survival guide will will be.
• 23:24
  Shelly Horton: Here's your HRT in all forms.
• 23:27
  Dominique Hind: Yep, yep, and I think that's a good one, and it's great that there is now more research saying that it is safe to use.
• 23:34
  Dominique Hind: How can we make micro-rebellions a daily habit, and whether it's setting boundaries, ditching shame or just wearing a bikini?
• 23:47
  Shelly Horton: You know what I think?
• 23:48
  Shelly Horton: It's just using terms like perimenopause and menopause in everyday conversation.
• 23:52
  Shelly Horton: You know, if you have a hot flush when you're in the line for your coffee, tell the barista.
• 23:58
  Shelly Horton: You know like I just think the more it becomes everyday language, the less shame and stigma there is.
• 24:05
  Shelly Horton: It is a micro rebellion and there's something I think perimenopausal women have that bit of micro rebellion in them.
• 24:12
  Shelly Horton: So bring it up.
• 24:13
  Shelly Horton: I'm you know.
• 24:14
  Shelly Horton: I am sure my poor family is so sick of me talking about my vagina, but I will keep talking about it.
• 24:22
  Dominique Hind: Your mum's on her cruise going.
• 24:23
  Shelly Horton: I don't want to think about your mother either, my brother is just like oh Jesus, we're just trying to have fish tacos.
• 24:28
  Shelly Horton: Don't make the connection.
• 24:33
  Dominique Hind: If there was a national curriculum for women in midlife, what three truths would you make mandatory learning?
• 24:42
  Shelly Horton: Well, the first one would be HRT is safe for the majority of women.
• 24:45
  Shelly Horton: Every single menopause society in the world says the benefits outweigh the risks for most women.
• 24:52
  Shelly Horton: The second thing will be you're not alone, so own it and don't hide it.
• 24:58
  Shelly Horton: I think you feel alone when you're not sharing about it.
• 25:02
  Shelly Horton: And then I think, yeah, one, two, three, third, one.
• 25:07
  Shelly Horton: I would say it gets better.
• 25:09
  Shelly Horton: This too shall pass.
• 25:11
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, this too shall pass.
• 25:12
  Dominique Hind: Oh my God, that's one of my favorite meditations.
• 25:14
  Dominique Hind: A four-minute meditation, just yep, amazing.
• 25:16
  Dominique Hind: Why do you think sex, libido and body autonomy are still taboo topics when it comes to menopause and midlife?
• 25:26
  Shelly Horton: It's so funny because when I was single and younger, I would be bragging about how good I was in the sack, like no problem.
• 25:35
  Shelly Horton: And then getting married, it's like, oh no, now that's private.
• 25:39
  Shelly Horton: I'm like, why?
• 25:40
  Shelly Horton: Like I think there's need to talk about your sex life, particularly going through peri, because dry vagina is one of the main symptoms and it's so incredibly treatable.
• 25:59
  Shelly Horton: So I am again.
• 26:03
  Shelly Horton: I put my hand up and now at times I've shamed myself, but when I originally was put on HRT, the doctor offered me vaginal estrogen and I'm just like, oh yeah, nah, I like I'm not interested, like I don't care about sex, I don't, uh, and it's, it's just one more thing to do on the to-do list, nah, not interested.
• 26:23
  Shelly Horton: And so I didn't use it for a couple of years and then it got to the point where my vajayjay was so dry that sometimes I would split and bleed during sex.
• 26:36
  Shelly Horton: Now it took that for me to go.
• 26:38
  Shelly Horton: Oh, maybe I need to get on.
• 26:40
  Shelly Horton: You know the vaginal estrogen and the thing is about vaginal estrogen.
• 26:47
  Shelly Horton: Even if you have breast cancer at this moment, you can have vaginal estrogen because it does not go into your bloodstream.
• 26:54
  Shelly Horton: It's like skincare for your vagina and it's not just about sex.
• 27:00
  Shelly Horton: It's also because you know I don't want you to be looking after your vagina so that you can keep someone else happy.
• 27:07
  Shelly Horton: No it's about keeping you happy as well.
• 27:09
  Shelly Horton: You can keep someone else happy.
• 27:11
  Shelly Horton: No, it's about keeping you happy as well, and the other benefit as well.
• 27:18
  Shelly Horton: As you know, it's softening the tissues and making you feel more lubricated, it also helps stop UTIs.
• 27:21
  Shelly Horton: Yeah right, I had my first UTI when I was 19.
• 27:23
  Shelly Horton: Let me tell you, that was from a shitload of sex.
• 27:25
  Shelly Horton: I had my second UTI at 51.
• 27:28
  Shelly Horton: And that was not because of a lot of sex, that was because of a dry vagina.
• 27:32
  Shelly Horton: So I'm really passionate about talking about this because, again, it feels like, okay, we're allowed to talk about perimenopause, but don't talk about sex and perimenopause.
• 27:43
  Dominique Hind: Yeah.
• 27:43
  Shelly Horton: Like no, no, no, let's own it.
• 27:44
  Shelly Horton: And then the other thing which often I get women saying, well, that's convinced me is when you're on the vaginal estrogen you're not getting up to pee during the night because it helps with your bladder.
• 27:56
  Shelly Horton: Wow, I didn't know that.
• 27:58
  Shelly Horton: Just if you love your sleep, get on the vaginal estrogen.
• 28:02
  Dominique Hind: Okay, that is a good thing to know.
• 28:06
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, what advice to women who feel disconnected from their bodies or ashamed of the changes?
• 28:14
  Dominique Hind: Can you tell them that they are totally normal?
• 28:17
  Shelly Horton: It's like it's everyone's different and it's normal, for whatever you're feeling is normal.
• 28:23
  Shelly Horton: I think I think the good thing is if you can break through the shame and actually talk about how you're feeling.
• 28:32
  Shelly Horton: And it might be that you're feeling a little bit awkward because you've put some weight around the middle and you know you feel funny in bed with your partner.
• 28:42
  Shelly Horton: Talk to your partner about it.
• 28:45
  Shelly Horton: So you know, make sure you are comfortable and and once you get you know, make sure you are comfortable.
• 28:53
  Shelly Horton: And once you get you know the discussion rolling with your partner, it just stops it from being this big elephant in the room.
• 28:59
  Shelly Horton: Like the last thing you want is to be avoiding sex because you're not feeling good about your body.
• 29:06
  Shelly Horton: You've got a dry vagina, you know all of these things.
• 29:09
  Shelly Horton: Like there are so many barriers.
• 29:10
  Shelly Horton: If you actually go hey, hun, this is what's going on, let's tackle it together.
• 29:16
  Shelly Horton: Um, you can be a team?
• 29:19
  Shelly Horton: Yeah.
• 29:19
  Shelly Horton: And then the other thing again Kelly Casperson.
• 29:21
  Shelly Horton: I love her so much, uh, fangirl like crazy when I met her.
• 29:25
  Shelly Horton: Uh, but she just said her biggest advice after vaginal estrogen use lube, use a lot of lube.
• 29:34
  Shelly Horton: Don't skip the lube.
• 29:34
  Shelly Horton: All right.
• 29:35
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, but even just talking about that and knowing that it's not a shame to do is a good thing.
• 29:45
  Shelly Horton: I started.
• 29:46
  Shelly Horton: When I started needing to use lube, I felt like I was a failure because I wasn't getting wet enough.
• 29:52
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, like what?
• 29:54
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, women blame ourselves for everything.
• 29:58
  Dominique Hind: Yes.
• 29:58
  Shelly Horton: Let's just stop doing that yeah.
• 30:01
  Dominique Hind: I think you're right.
• 30:02
  Dominique Hind: Stop doing it, start having the conversations and just own it.
• 30:06
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:09
  Dominique Hind: Can laughter and honesty really dismantle shame, or are they still things that can be hard to say out loud, even for you?
• 30:19
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, look, of course it is I.
• 30:21
  Shelly Horton: It took me a while to actually discuss sex with Darren and I think it was it.
• 30:30
  Shelly Horton: For me it normally comes from a bit of a crisis point.
• 30:35
  Shelly Horton: So I, we had sex one time and I and I split and bled afterwards and I cried and because it hurt and he was, he was so shocked and he's like I never, never want to hurt you.
• 30:49
  Shelly Horton: You need to tell me about this.
• 30:50
  Shelly Horton: So like it was me who was holding back.
• 30:54
  Shelly Horton: So I think that is like the crisis point.
• 30:58
  Shelly Horton: And then the humour comes in, which is like babe, I've got to grab the lube because I've got the Sahara down there, you know, like that can just make it a little bit more fun and not like a serious birds and bees chat sort of thing.
• 31:10
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, yeah and I think it does make it easier If you could wave your magic periwand and change one thing about how society treats women in midlife.
• 31:22
  Dominique Hind: What would you change first?
• 31:27
  Shelly Horton: I would change the way that society thinks that women's value stops when they stop having babies.
• 31:34
  Shelly Horton: I'm sorry, but when we stop reproducing, we still have half a life ahead of us.
• 31:42
  Shelly Horton: So for me, I think we need to really change that stigma in society.
• 31:48
  Shelly Horton: We need to really change that stigma in society and I think that once we get through this hormonal rollercoaster, there is like a badge of honor, a vag of honor, where it's like I've been through hell and I survived and I am a warrior.
• 32:11
  Shelly Horton: Now I am a peri-warrior and not much is going to knock me around, because I've been through the trenches, you know, and I think that there's, there'd be something great, I you know, in in other, um, older communities, women were considered wise women and they would be, you know, treated as people you'd go to for mentoring and information, and that's kind of been lost because we don't have our extended families like we used to.
• 32:42
  Shelly Horton: So I would love that we stepped back into that wise women role.
• 32:46
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, I think that's a great thing.
• 32:47
  Dominique Hind: Okay, I've got a rapid fire round for you.
• 32:51
  Dominique Hind: First thing that comes to your mind no overthinking HRT or herbal.
• 32:56
  Shelly Horton: HRT, your body does not have an ashwagandha deficiency, is it that?
• 33:03
  Dominique Hind: simple, yeah, good answer Most overrated menopause trend.
• 33:09
  Shelly Horton: Anything you can buy on Facebook and can't get from a doctor, good.
• 33:13
  Dominique Hind: Go-to comfort binge.
• 33:18
  Shelly Horton: So right now, I've just finished Untamed.
• 33:21
  Shelly Horton: Have you seen that series?
• 33:22
  Shelly Horton: Yes, with Eric Banner in it?
• 33:24
  Shelly Horton: Yes, love a TV binge Also.
• 33:28
  Shelly Horton: Don't mind a Negroni binge either.
• 33:33
  Dominique Hind: Are you allowed to have that?
• 33:34
  Dominique Hind: No, not supposed to.
• 33:36
  Shelly Horton: Not supposed to Like not great for perimenopausal women.
• 33:39
  Shelly Horton: But hey, do as they say, not as they do.
• 33:42
  Shelly Horton: Okay, Exactly.
• 33:44
  Dominique Hind: Um, if menopause was a celebrity, who would it be?
• 33:47
  Shelly Horton: Oh, yeah, um, russell Crowe, oh, was a celebrity, who would it be?
• 33:53
  Shelly Horton: Oh yeah, russell Crowe, oh, wow, in his life Badass, gladiator, beautiful, mind craziness and then sometimes just throwing a hotel phone at a receptionist.
• 34:04
  Shelly Horton: Yeah, okay, good.
• 34:05
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, okay, russell can be the pin-up girl boy way, everything would be for menopause.
• 34:12
  Dominique Hind: And then, what is the one truth about perimenopausal midlife that more women need to hear and believe?
• 34:23
  Shelly Horton: You're not alone and there are solutions out there.
• 34:27
  Shelly Horton: It's up to you to educate yourself and find out what's right for you and make evidence-based, educated decisions, not shame-based decisions of.
• 34:41
  Shelly Horton: I don't want to speak to a doctor about this, so I'll just get some potion on, you know, on Facebook that gets delivered to my house and no one will know about it.
• 34:50
  Shelly Horton: The best thing to get rid of shame is sunlight, so let's shine a light into this area of a woman's life and make sure that she is treated as the superstar that she is.
• 35:03
  Shelly Horton: Yep.
• 35:04
  Dominique Hind: I like that.
• 35:04
  Dominique Hind: Okay, shelley, this conversation has been bold, hilarious and honest and even just reading your book, it is a bit of a wake-up call for me Before we wrap up.
• 35:15
  Dominique Hind: If I could try one thing before I hit 50, something that shifts how I see myself, reclaim my power or sets me up to own the next decade, or two decades, or three decades.
• 35:28
  Dominique Hind: Or three decades yeah, what would it be?
• 35:31
  Shelly Horton: So here's the thing, Dom I listened to your podcast and you're doing so much already.
• 35:35
  Shelly Horton: I'm actually super proud of you.
• 35:36
  Shelly Horton: So I know you're doing the weight training, I know you're doing mindfulness.
• 35:41
  Shelly Horton: I know you're doing so much.
• 35:42
  Shelly Horton: I think maybe the only thing I would say is protect your sleep.
• 35:49
  Shelly Horton: Sleep is the super elixir.
• 35:53
  Shelly Horton: So for me, that is what I make sure I am very vigilant about I have a bedtime now.
• 36:02
  Dominique Hind: What time is your bedtime?
• 36:05
  Shelly Horton: 9.30.
• 36:05
  Shelly Horton: 9.30 is my bedtime.
• 36:07
  Shelly Horton: I get up at 6.30.
• 36:08
  Shelly Horton: Having that routine I know my brain likes that Making your room nice and dark and cold so that it's easy to get to sleep.
• 36:17
  Shelly Horton: I have a very busy brain.
• 36:20
  Shelly Horton: I'm sure you're very surprised to hear that, but I can't just lie down and go to sleep because my brain just you know thinks about the conversation where I said something awkward three years ago and I will just spiral for the rest of the night.
• 36:33
  Shelly Horton: So what I do is I pop an audio book into my ear, I have one ear pod in and I set it on a timer for 20 minutes and then I go off to sleep and for me, having that routine just works.
• 36:48
  Shelly Horton: And then, when I get up at 6.30, I go for a walk in the sunshine and everything about the day is better.
• 36:55
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, particularly when you're on the Gold Coast and you can go to the beach.
• 36:58
  Dominique Hind: It's so nice up here.
• 37:00
  Dominique Hind: Yes, not down here today.
• 37:01
  Dominique Hind: Anyway, I've heard it's raining.
• 37:03
  Dominique Hind: Yes, thank you.
• 37:04
  Dominique Hind: It sucks to be you.
• 37:04
  Dominique Hind: Yes, it does.
• 37:05
  Dominique Hind: I even looked at like where I'm in paradise.
• 37:08
  Dominique Hind: Yeah, okay, whatever, I grew up in Noosa, does that?
• 37:11
  Shelly Horton: like help.
• 37:11
  Shelly Horton: Oh, okay, that's fair.
• 37:13
  Dominique Hind: All right, shelley, thank you, thank you.
• 37:16
  Dominique Hind: Thank you.
• 37:16
  Dominique Hind: Thank you for writing the book, thank you for being the voice so many of us didn't know that we really needed, but really do.
• 37:23
  Dominique Hind: You've reminded us that power doesn't come from pretending we're fine.
• 37:27
  Dominique Hind: It comes from speaking up, shaking things up and laughing through the hot flushes To everyone listening.
• 37:34
  Dominique Hind: Get your hands on.
• 37:36
  Dominique Hind: I'm your Perry Godmother.
• 37:38
  Dominique Hind: Order the book or, if it's back on Amazon because it's sold out.
• 37:43
  Shelly Horton: Sold out on Amazon one day.
• 37:45
  Shelly Horton: It's also on Audible and it's in bookstores.
• 37:48
  Dominique Hind: Okay, good, all right.
• 37:50
  Dominique Hind: Share this episode with three women in your life and tag us when you do.
• 37:55
  Dominique Hind: We're building the midlife revolution, one honest conversation at a time.
• 37:59
  Dominique Hind: Share this with every woman you know who's quietly wondering if she's the only one going through this, because she's not.
• 38:07
  Dominique Hind: And fuck, we're nearly nearly 50, but isn't it amazing.