Latest / Rock My Finances / Soul Sisters Series: What is Integrity? Am I in Integrity? Do I have integrity with money? Episode 9

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Soul Sisters Series: What is Integrity? Am I in Integrity? Do I have integrity with money? Episode 9 · Rock My Finances

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  Speaker 1: Unless specifically indicated otherwise. The content expressed or my views only,
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  Speaker 1: and not necessarily those of Life Co Asset Management LLC.
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  Speaker 1: The content presented is in no way in investment advice, solicitation,
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  Speaker 1: or an offer to sell securities or investment advisory services.
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  Speaker 1: The material is provided for general information and educational purposes
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  Speaker 1: based upon publicly available information from sources believed to be reliable.
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  Speaker 1: I cannot assure the accuracy or completeness of these materials.
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  Speaker 1: As such, the information in these materials may change at
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  Speaker 1: any time without notice. Reference to these discussions about eels
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  Speaker 1: and annuities or fixed insurance products. Investments on fixed insurance
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  Speaker 1: products are different from investments in the stock market, and
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  Speaker 1: the guarantees provided by a fixed insurance product cannot be
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  Speaker 1: assumed to be guaranteed for any other investment.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Rock, my Finances show on k FORHD
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  Speaker 2: radio and Talk for TV, where we put the fund
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  Speaker 2: in finance joint Powerhouse Jeffer Jos CDFA CMC and Private
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  Speaker 2: Wealth Advisor, as she collaborates with you to create clarity,
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  Speaker 2: control and compidence with your money, your way. It's not
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  Speaker 2: about the zeros, So what is it all about? Let's
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  Speaker 2: find out.
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  Speaker 1: Now.
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  Speaker 2: Here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
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  Speaker 1: Hey there, y'all. I'm so excited. Okay, we've had a
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  Speaker 1: lot of tech issues today and we're still here. So
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  Speaker 1: today is going to be an amazing show. We are
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  Speaker 1: going to be talking about integrity. And I'm in my
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  Speaker 1: pajamas and because that's tons of integrity, right, It's like,
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  Speaker 1: this is my comfy zone for sure. And I sometimes
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  Speaker 1: I don't know if you're like me, but sometimes I
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  Speaker 1: literally have to put my robe on. This is my robe.
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  Speaker 1: This is my comfy spa robe that I bought myself.
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  Speaker 1: I splurged and bought it from Macy's when I moved
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  Speaker 1: down south, and I bought a bunch of them for
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  Speaker 1: my friends Sherry and Juliet when they came to come
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  Speaker 1: stay with me. And I'm the only one that labsolutely
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  Speaker 1: loves my robe because this tells me I have big, long,
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  Speaker 1: fluffy star leaves, and this tells me that I cannot
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  Speaker 1: do dishes, I cannot do housework, I cannot do paperwork,
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  Speaker 1: I can't do anything because it flops around. So this
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  Speaker 1: is my comfy zone. So integrity has to do with
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  Speaker 1: knowing ourself right, And so this I know about myself.
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  Speaker 1: I know that I will work too much, too long,
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  Speaker 1: or always stay busy when I need to sit back, relax,
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  Speaker 1: take a breath, enjoy, let my angels talk to me,
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  Speaker 1: let the universe conspire to help me. And I can't
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  Speaker 1: do that if I'm always on the hamster wheel, running, running, running, going, going, going,
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  Speaker 1: even if it's all fun. If I keep my calendar
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  Speaker 1: so completely busy, I'm not in my own integrity because
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  Speaker 1: I don't even know who the hell I am. So
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  Speaker 1: if we can actually relax, take some time for some silence,
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  Speaker 1: take some time just to get to know us, I
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  Speaker 1: am in more integrity with myself getting to know myself.
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  Speaker 1: I hope that makes sense. So we have my Soul
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  Speaker 1: Sisters today. This is my Soul Sister's series. Unfortunately, a
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  Speaker 1: couple people have had some issues and they're not here.
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  Speaker 1: But Denise's going to try to pop on. Everyone's going
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  Speaker 1: to try to pop on later. So we'll just go
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  Speaker 1: with the flow today. So I'm reading at at one
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  Speaker 1: and whenever anybody comes in, you just go ahead and
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  Speaker 1: pop them in. We will handle it, okay. So integrity,
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  Speaker 1: what the Google Wonderful says is the quality of being
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  Speaker 1: honest and having strong moral principles. So I feel like
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  Speaker 1: that's judgment. Now I know I'm a girl, and I
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  Speaker 1: know that I'm almost sixty and judgment and how you
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  Speaker 1: should act and be act and learning from growing up
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  Speaker 1: kids do not speak until they're spoken to. Girls are
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  Speaker 1: nice and sweet and quiet and cook in the kitchen,
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  Speaker 1: like all these things that I grew up with. Doesn't
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  Speaker 1: necessarily lend to my integrity for meer for Jost, Like
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  Speaker 1: who am I? And what does integrity mean to me?
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  Speaker 1: So I think we need to kind of look at
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  Speaker 1: this word because there's so many different areas in our
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  Speaker 1: life that integrity means something. So as a business owner,
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  Speaker 1: I have staff, right, I have clients. I own a
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  Speaker 1: couple companies actually three now, and I need to show
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  Speaker 1: up with full integrity. This is my definition of integrity.
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  Speaker 1: What you think is what you say, is what you do,
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  Speaker 1: and is how you feel. So really, how you feel
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  Speaker 1: is what you think, is what you say and what
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  Speaker 1: you do. Anyone that's been around trauma in their life
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  Speaker 1: or dysfunction or betrayal, anybody cheated on you, if you
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  Speaker 1: have any trust issues, lose money anywhere, anything like that.
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  Speaker 1: At all. When someone doesn't have integrity, I can and
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  Speaker 1: feel it like it is tangible to me, and it's
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  Speaker 1: scary as heck. So I'm out. Like if I hear
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  Speaker 1: you saying something about how you feel or what you
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  Speaker 1: want to do, and you do the opposite, I'm out.
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  Speaker 1: Like that scares me. I shouldn't say I'm out. My
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  Speaker 1: walls go up, right, all of my bubbles go up,
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  Speaker 1: and I put my little, my wonder woman, little wrist
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  Speaker 1: anklets around me, shooting off energy because I get scared
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  Speaker 1: and I get triggered, I should say, so, I really
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  Speaker 1: need people around me who have integrity, which means they're honest.
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  Speaker 1: And we all change our feelings and thoughts and emotions, right,
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  Speaker 1: so you're honest for the time that you are. And
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  Speaker 1: superficial conversations don't work for me because I want to
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  Speaker 1: get to know you. I want to get to know
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  Speaker 1: you your heart, your soul, your spirit. I want to
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  Speaker 1: know everything about you. And if you don't know yourself,
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  Speaker 1: I can't get to know you. So I'm not a
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  Speaker 1: good soccer mom or you know, superficial conversation Like I
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  Speaker 1: want to get into the nitty gritty, like where's your pain?
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  Speaker 1: Where's your excitement, where's your passion? What lights you up?
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  Speaker 1: And in order to do that, we have to have
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  Speaker 1: integrity to actually know that about us, right, A must
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  Speaker 1: Peel in joining me. I love you, Hun, thanks you
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  Speaker 1: so much for popping on. You're good. Denise has tech issues.
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  Speaker 1: Karen'll be in later possibly, so will's to see. We'll
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  Speaker 1: just add them all, I'll think.
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  Speaker 3: So.
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  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here. We are talking about integrity.
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  Speaker 1: I just gave the definition of it. It's honesty, right,
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  Speaker 1: honesty and having high moral principles. My definition of integrity
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  Speaker 1: is what you feel, is what you think, is what
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  Speaker 1: you say, and is what you do. So have you
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  Speaker 1: ever had like friends or even clients, or anyone in
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  Speaker 1: your lifetime that would like even spouses, maybe a parent, family,
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  Speaker 1: anybody that say something and do the absolute opposite and
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  Speaker 1: like that just freaks me out because I have to
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  Speaker 1: have integrity, integrity throughout. Does that make sense?
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  Speaker 4: Pe Lan.
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  Speaker 1: Talk? I need to know if we can hear you.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, you're kind of cutting out. I don't know if
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  Speaker 3: it's me or you. I think, yeah, can you hear me?
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  Speaker 1: Yep? I got you?
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  Speaker 3: Can you hear me? Yes?
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  Speaker 1: We can hear you.
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  Speaker 3: I'm going to use my Okay, we're gonna.
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  Speaker 1: Let her move on. Hey, Denise, thanks for joining us.
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  Speaker 1: So what's your definition of integrity?
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  Speaker 5: Well, I print it out a definition of integrity because
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  Speaker 5: I wasn't sure what I would use, but I think
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  Speaker 5: I got it. Now. Can you hear me?
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  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, you're loud and clear.
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  Speaker 5: Okay, sorry, let me turn me down.
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  Speaker 3: Yep, we got you two p okay.
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  Speaker 4: First time news setup.
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  Speaker 5: So this is definitely different. I can't see you, guys.
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  Speaker 5: You're like this big.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, you're good. Okay, look gorgeous by the way, you
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  Speaker 1: look gorgeous in your phone. So thank you for taking
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  Speaker 1: care of the technical difficulties and jumping on.
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  Speaker 4: No worries.
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  Speaker 5: I was thinking about it, and you know me, I
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  Speaker 5: definitely print stuff out.
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  Speaker 4: But for me, I think it has to do with.
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  Speaker 5: Being honest, right, being in touch with my values, my
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  Speaker 5: own personal value system, and being honest with others so
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  Speaker 5: they can trust me essentially, right, so they can actually
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  Speaker 5: get to know me, see who I am, see my heart.
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  Speaker 5: And I don't know like it goes for me hand
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  Speaker 5: to hand with being trustworthy.
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  Speaker 1: Yep, I love that, and that's exactly what the definition says, peel,
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  Speaker 1: And what's your definition of integrity?
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  Speaker 6: So yeah, I think, I mean, I I think that's
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  Speaker 6: all true for me. But when I lean into the
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  Speaker 6: word myself, you know, when I so, that all sounds
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  Speaker 6: very outer directed for me. And and and so when
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  Speaker 6: I try that on, I noticed that it sets up
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  Speaker 6: a stress level inside of me. And so when that happens,
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  Speaker 6: I feel like I want to pull it back to
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  Speaker 6: an even more foundational definition. Okay, And so for me,
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  Speaker 6: it's trying to be it's trying to discover what's true
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  Speaker 6: for me and to try to be truly honest about that,
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  Speaker 6: if you will, to the extent that I even know myself, right,
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  Speaker 6: that's an ongoing conversation, right, So, so integrity is kind
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  Speaker 6: of a live thing. It's not it's not it's not
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  Speaker 6: it it's not.
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  Speaker 3: A conclusion or conclusive right, So it's an ongoing relationship.
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  Speaker 6: And when I when I sort of pull it back
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  Speaker 6: to that foundational sort of a definition, if you will,
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  Speaker 6: it feels much more exciting and much less stressful. And
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  Speaker 6: then hopefully what I what I exude from there is
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  Speaker 6: at least honest. Even if I even if it is,
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  Speaker 6: I don't freaking know. You know, I don't know what
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  Speaker 6: integrity and X, Y and Z is yet or I'm
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  Speaker 6: just sort of experimenting with that or whatever it might be.
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  Speaker 6: So yeah, so I guess that's kind of I mean,
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  Speaker 6: yes to all of those definitions, but the difference is
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  Speaker 6: just is it outer focused for me or is it
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  Speaker 6: inner focused? And which one can I really live with sustainably?
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  Speaker 6: You know if that makes sense continuously?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love love love it. Okay, so I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to call you on your shit everybody, and you can
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  Speaker 1: pass if you want, but I want everyone to notice
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  Speaker 1: how we all three answered it completely different, and I
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  Speaker 1: need someone to watch me and what I said earlier,
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  Speaker 1: so we'll see. However, Denise definitely lended it to other
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  Speaker 1: people trusting her, so she's looking at Yes, I'm I'm honest.
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  Speaker 1: What you are one of my most honest people that
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  Speaker 1: I've ever met, Right, You're totally honest and and it
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  Speaker 1: is how you are portraying yourself to the world. And
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  Speaker 1: I have to do that obviously in business, right, I mean,
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  Speaker 1: I'm dealing with people's money. If I'm not trust for
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  Speaker 1: the holy crap, just call me Bernie made right, right, right,
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  Speaker 1: So call me Bernice, right, no thank you, yeah, no,
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  Speaker 1: thank you? Thank you well and.
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  Speaker 5: Coach so no thank you.
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  Speaker 1: Well, we'd be a lot richer, Denise if I was Bernice,
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  Speaker 1: So just so you know. And then I love how
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  Speaker 1: Peedlin is on her quest right now. Is everything that
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  Speaker 1: you do, Peterland is internal? I love it like I
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  Speaker 1: love everything's internal. So and then I feel like I'm
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  Speaker 1: a mixture of the two because I have been internal.
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  Speaker 1: And here's a thing, right, no love relationship in my
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  Speaker 1: life for almost ten years. I think it's around that
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  Speaker 1: I haven't even looked at the date or whatever. But
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  Speaker 1: no one's significant in my life for a long time.
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  Speaker 1: So it's just me. So Luna, my cat, obviously thinks
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  Speaker 1: I'm full of integrity because I feed her every day. Right,
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  Speaker 1: So we don't have any somebody pointing fingers at us.
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  Speaker 1: We might not know when we fall out of integrity.
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  Speaker 1: But I like how Peterlin said it's from the inside
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  Speaker 1: working out. I need to know myself before I can
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  Speaker 1: show up in front of someone else. I need to
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  Speaker 1: know myself. And then I love how Denise said, you know, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: it has to do with trustworthy. So before you all
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  Speaker 1: popped on, I was talking about trauma, dysfunction, betrayal, all
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  Speaker 1: of that crap in our history. When that comes up,
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  Speaker 1: we dig in into integrity, right, or we dig into honesty,
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  Speaker 1: or we have a different look about it, like what
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  Speaker 1: my expectations are of other people for me to be safe?
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  Speaker 1: Does that make sense? Does any of that resonate with anyone?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah? We of our training. Go ahead, we sink to
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  Speaker 3: the level of our training. Whatever our pattern or habit.
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  Speaker 1: Is, right, okay, So our pattern are so are what
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  Speaker 1: our learned behaviors right right.
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  Speaker 3: From Okay, whatever we've practiced, Yeah, yep, whatever.
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  Speaker 1: We've practiced it like our coping mechanism drawing up right,
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  Speaker 1: we had to form like you know, in an alcoholic home.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, there was a lot of secrets in my house,
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  Speaker 1: you know, going out talking to other people, there was
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  Speaker 1: a lot of secrets that I didn't really share with
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  Speaker 1: a lot of people except for maybe like Diana, my bestie,
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  Speaker 1: and maybe one or two other people. And that's it
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  Speaker 1: that actually saw what happened in side my home on
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  Speaker 1: a daily basis. So that does definitely create secrets and
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  Speaker 1: create shame and create a lack of integrity. I would say, Denise,
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  Speaker 1: what were you.
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  Speaker 5: Going to say, I was gonna say, I'm really sorry
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  Speaker 5: that I missed what you shared earlier. So I'll definitely
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  Speaker 5: go back and re listen. So that's my that's my.
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  Speaker 1: Too, because there's another listener.
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  Speaker 4: I know it, I know it all.
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  Speaker 5: No, it's fabulous, but I I love what you shared.
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  Speaker 5: And yes, I can think in terms of my own history,
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  Speaker 5: you know, my my the time that I was most
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  Speaker 5: out of integrity and felt the worst in my life
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  Speaker 5: experience was the most shameful and also the time that
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  Speaker 5: I felt the most betrayed because of trauma and lying
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  Speaker 5: and all that.
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  Speaker 4: So yes, so it makes sense.
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  Speaker 5: So let me ask you, Karen.
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  Speaker 1: Karen Kavanaugh joined us. It looks great. Soul sisters are
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  Speaker 1: back pitches look out. Okay, so we're diving in Karen,
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  Speaker 1: you know us. So Denise, does that mean that let
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  Speaker 1: me see of betrayal? So do you have a different
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  Speaker 1: outlook around integrity due to the betrayals that you have experienced?
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  Speaker 4: Hmm?
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  Speaker 5: I think the betrayal that I experienced rocked me to
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  Speaker 5: my pore because it was so I was so out
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  Speaker 5: of alignment with my like what it kind of goes
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  Speaker 5: back to what I shared personally for me because it's
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  Speaker 5: an external and internal I love how you pulled this out, Jennifer,
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  Speaker 5: that you know with Pete Land's comments, it was she
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  Speaker 5: was very is very internally focused. Mine seemed very externally
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  Speaker 5: And I do think there's both right, because you got it.
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  Speaker 5: In order to know what your values are, you have
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  Speaker 5: to seek and look inward to know yourself before you
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  Speaker 5: can then reflect and think about how you're reflecting out
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  Speaker 5: word right And for me at this we hope yeah,
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  Speaker 5: at this time in my life, I and this was
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  Speaker 5: years ago. I should point out this just yesterday, but
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  Speaker 5: I have been brought up to be a person who's
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  Speaker 5: honest and trusting and trust worthy and community focused and
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  Speaker 5: family focused, and you know, you don't lie to your
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  Speaker 5: friends and your colleagues and your family or the people
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  Speaker 5: in your world. And so this was an experience that
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  Speaker 5: definitely shook everything up because I didn't actually believe that
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  Speaker 5: people could do that.
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  Speaker 1: How old are you?
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  Speaker 5: Ugh? How old was I ish? I was probably in
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  Speaker 5: my late thirties okay, early forties.
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  Speaker 1: So then it created some patterns after that just say, yes,
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  Speaker 1: we know you did.
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  Speaker 5: Sure before that, yeah, well we know that.
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  Speaker 1: I'm just saying just say yeah.
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  Speaker 5: And again, it's not the Denise Show here, So I
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  Speaker 5: don't mean I love it on me, but I mean
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  Speaker 5: I think it's yeah, sure, if that's the way we're
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  Speaker 5: going with this, Yes, you create patterns based on what
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  Speaker 5: you go through. If that's.
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  Speaker 1: My game show, Denise, I appreciate it. Okay, you're welcome.
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  Speaker 1: What is your definition of integrity is the first question
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  Speaker 1: that we all answered.
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  Speaker 4: Oh my god.
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  Speaker 7: Oh, I think for me, it's just it's the word
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  Speaker 7: is as simply as alignment. For me, it's kind of
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  Speaker 7: being in alignment and others being in alignment. Sometimes it's
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  Speaker 7: in alignment with words and actions being congruent and in alignment, right, integrity,
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  Speaker 7: whether it's with ourselves or with others. But I think
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  Speaker 7: it just for me, it's just that's kind of like
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  Speaker 7: I know, I'm probably oversimplifying it, but integrity in alignment
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  Speaker 7: to me go very much hand in hand.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, we all kind of said a little. I'm the
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  Speaker 1: same way with I. Like, if someone says something and
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  Speaker 1: they do something different, I'm out. I put all my
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  Speaker 1: walls up, my bubble goes up, I'm in my little
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  Speaker 1: gold bubble, and I'm out, Like I can't because it
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  Speaker 1: scares me from past experiences. That's how we got into
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  Speaker 1: past experiences. Yeah, okay, So I got to call peedel
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  Speaker 1: in on it because I saw the face when I
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  Speaker 1: said something, and I.
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  Speaker 3: Need to know so many somethings ago I don't remember.
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  Speaker 1: I know, right, there was a lot of somethings to go.
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  Speaker 1: It was so we know the face. We know the face, right,
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  Speaker 1: I got a call on the face like it was.
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  Speaker 4: Like I said something.
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  Speaker 1: No, it was me, it was my statement. And then
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  Speaker 1: I went to you deny, and then Peter was like, yeah, no,
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  Speaker 1: that's a bunch of bullship.
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  Speaker 3: That's what that's That's not what I was thinking. You're
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  Speaker 3: projecting there, I'm projecting. I'm just just my brain goes.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, if we can remember that, we'll bring it back
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  Speaker 1: up later. But I love your I love your cat.
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  Speaker 3: Call me on something you can't remember, so.
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  Speaker 1: I know, I what do you plan?
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  Speaker 5: What do you remember it being?
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 19:34
  Speaker 6: Okay, Like I said, that was that's her r b F.
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: What is the r BF.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: Forgetting my appearance? You guys all look so beautiful.
• 19:51
  Speaker 6: I was literally in the middle of a reading, and
• 19:53
  Speaker 6: so I was checked out entirely and and just finished up.
• 19:59
  Speaker 6: I haven't even recorded it yet.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: When I looked at my phone and saw Jennifer was like,
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: are you coming, It's like, holy crap. So I literally
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: I'm not prepared at all.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: You're all good. This is integrity, right, We're supposed to
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: be in our pajamas. I'm like, what, No, you're gorgeous,
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: You're good. We love you, like, thank you so much.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: This is so fun, This is so fun. So I
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: want to poke the bear a little bit. So I'd
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: love for y'all to go a little bit deeper if
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: you could. Of course, love you to share anything that
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: you'd like to share around integrity. But and what maybe
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: a story since our listeners love stories, right, maybe a
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: story about integrity that either solidified solidified something for you
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: or changed something for you around integrity. I mean, we've
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: all been betrayed, like everyone's been betrayed somewhere, right, But
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: a time maybe where you've been betrayed or hurt or
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: trauma or abused or anything like that, to where you
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: have changed your thoughts around integrity. And I'll just share.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: I have like nine million, but I'll just share a
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: couple right now, like my dad And here's another thing.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Who taught you integrity? That's a great question too. My
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: dad's whole words. Ever, growing up, honesty is the best policy.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Like every day that was drilled into me was just
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: be honest, be honest, be honest, be honest, Beyonce, And
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: it was all about it's just gonna be so much
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: easier down the road if you're honest. So and at
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: the same time, I couldn't be honest to the whole
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: world because I had a whole household inside that people
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: didn't know. The household inside people knew, but not the
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: outer world. So the outer world looked different than so.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I never felt connected to anyone growing up, but I'm
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: sure you can. I'll relate right. So however, that is
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: the gift my dad gave me was honesty is always
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: the best policy because once you take that off, ah,
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: then you don't have to worry about anything else, because
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: that's the way it is. And even growing mic, growing up,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: growing up, raising up my little jitlins, Miss Journey in
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: Parker like they would always ask me, like Journey would
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: ask me in high school or middle school or whatever, Well,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do this, what do I say? Honestly,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: he's the best policy to tell me you don't feel
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: like doing it, like always, that's just always the answer.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: So I appreciate that. And at the same time, sometimes
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: we can't be honest as we would like to be honest,
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: and we learn patterns to protect ourselves of others scrutiny
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: or like being Vulnerable, which was another podcast. You all
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: got to listen to that too, Being Vulnerable, we kind
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: of don't say it maybe one percent, and we hold
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: stuff back. Okay, So I said a whole lot there,
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: So anybody can comment on whatever the hell you want. Karen, Sorry,
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: you've only spoke once. It's your turn. Oh God, who
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: taught you integrity? That's always an easy one. Have you
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: changed your integrity throughout your life? Been betrayals?
• 23:05
  Speaker 7: I would say probably my mother taught me integrity. It
• 23:09
  Speaker 7: was she was always about seeing the best in people always,
• 23:13
  Speaker 7: you know, trusting people, letting them be who they are,
• 23:18
  Speaker 7: you know, and just that kind of Shoot. My mom
• 23:20
  Speaker 7: was my mom. Everyone loved my mom. She was just
• 23:22
  Speaker 7: this warm, loving human being. So I would say she
• 23:28
  Speaker 7: probably taught me integrity on one hand, But on the
• 23:30
  Speaker 7: other hand, that's where the incongruency was because we were
• 23:35
  Speaker 7: all living a lie. I had a very volatile father,
• 23:40
  Speaker 7: and you know, unless you were around it when it happened,
• 23:45
  Speaker 7: you wouldn't know, right, And so I was a lot
• 23:48
  Speaker 7: of covering up and a lot of you know, making
• 23:51
  Speaker 7: excuses for him, and you know, and whatever. It was
• 23:54
  Speaker 7: the very codependent behavior. You know, codependency is out of
• 23:58
  Speaker 7: integrity with self, right, which I got that from mama,
• 24:03
  Speaker 7: and she got that from her mama. It's just god
• 24:06
  Speaker 7: knows how long that went on. So that was so
• 24:12
  Speaker 7: out of integrity, like, you know, lying about it or
• 24:16
  Speaker 7: pretending that even just pretending that everything's okay, pretending that
• 24:20
  Speaker 7: I'm happy, pretending that, you know, everything is great, is
• 24:24
  Speaker 7: a lie when I'm feeling unsafe and I'm feeling scared
• 24:30
  Speaker 7: and I'm feeling nervous or you know whatever that whatever feelings.
• 24:34
  Speaker 7: And you know, it was never necessarily directed at me,
• 24:37
  Speaker 7: but it was still that fear of one's the next
• 24:40
  Speaker 7: explosion going to happen, and nobody knew unless you knew,
• 24:44
  Speaker 7: unless you were around when the explosion would happen. You'd go, well,
• 24:47
  Speaker 7: what the hell is that? We thought you he thought
• 24:49
  Speaker 7: your dad was such a great guy. Well, you know,
• 24:51
  Speaker 7: he's a great guy. When he's happy, and when he's not,
• 24:54
  Speaker 7: he's not.
• 24:56
  Speaker 8: So you were walking on eggshells a lot then, always
• 24:58
  Speaker 8: my entire life, and so I took that into my relationships,
• 25:03
  Speaker 8: and no surprise, would attract in partners that would emulate
• 25:08
  Speaker 8: that those same emotions in me.
• 25:10
  Speaker 7: So not feeling safe, feeling like I had to walk
• 25:12
  Speaker 7: on eggshells, codependent behavior, lying and making excuses for my partner,
• 25:18
  Speaker 7: whatever that might be. I it was like it was
• 25:22
  Speaker 7: like groundhog Day for me. So it all felt and
• 25:26
  Speaker 7: it's not so much about them because they were doing them.
• 25:29
  Speaker 7: It was really about me being out of alignment and
• 25:32
  Speaker 7: out of integrity with myself. And I think we've talked
• 25:35
  Speaker 7: about this in the past. We're you know, kind of
• 25:37
  Speaker 7: creating this this facade and being who I thought people
• 25:41
  Speaker 7: wanted me to be or who I needed to be
• 25:43
  Speaker 7: in order to be accepted or liked or whatever that
• 25:46
  Speaker 7: is is also out of integrity, right, And it's just
• 25:49
  Speaker 7: it's all you know, safety mechanisms because I'm trying to
• 25:54
  Speaker 7: just you know, fit in or feel safe or whatever
• 25:56
  Speaker 7: that is. But it's all bullshit, right And so until
• 26:03
  Speaker 7: you know, and so you're probably not your quite like, well,
• 26:05
  Speaker 7: when did that shift. You know, probably I probably started
• 26:09
  Speaker 7: shifting when I was towards the end of my marriage.
• 26:14
  Speaker 7: Is when it kind of started shifting and I started seeing,
• 26:17
  Speaker 7: you know, got like like it wasn't so much like
• 26:20
  Speaker 7: you know, it stopped blaming, you know, stop the blaming process,
• 26:23
  Speaker 7: stop blaming mom and dad for the you know whatever,
• 26:26
  Speaker 7: stop blaming for all that, and stop blaming my ex husband.
• 26:29
  Speaker 7: It was like, what the hell am I doing here? Right?
• 26:34
  Speaker 7: And it was kind of in that moment that it
• 26:36
  Speaker 7: was like there was a shift and it was like, Okay,
• 26:40
  Speaker 7: I need to get back into figuring out what like
• 26:44
  Speaker 7: where I'm out of alignment, because I'm so far out
• 26:47
  Speaker 7: of alignment, you know, and what does that look even
• 26:49
  Speaker 7: look like anymore? And so that really kind of started
• 26:52
  Speaker 7: my a lot of my journey moving.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: I loved that. And you say, get back into alignment.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: You probably never were in alignment. You had like all
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: these power is growing up and you jumped into the
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: marriage and now you're like just trying to survive. So
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: kudos kudos for realizing that progress. The hell, Karen is
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: it's always a working progress, Like we're going to be
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: doing that till we're you know, in the ground like
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: and then the next lifetime or whatever your beliefs might be, like,
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: it's an ongoing thing, right, yeah, I love it. Thank
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: you so much, Karen, bless you. Thank you so much
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: for sharing. We really do appreciate that. We appreciate that,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: and we know and love you, so we know how
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: amazing your parents are or are just in a different reality.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: That's all right, who wants to go?
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: Next?
• 27:38
  Speaker 9: Word?
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: You learn integrity? All right, peterle In, you're up next,
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: You're in the top right corner.
• 27:47
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I would say a combination of places.
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: I can't.
• 27:52
  Speaker 6: I can't not say my mom. You know, I learned
• 27:54
  Speaker 6: integrity from my mom. But she wasn't safe to have
• 27:58
  Speaker 6: integrity around, you know. It wasn't safe very very much
• 28:03
  Speaker 6: like like Karen's upbringing, except the volatile person was my
• 28:06
  Speaker 6: mom and she was my primary caretaker. So we were
• 28:10
  Speaker 6: all so close, so it was a very it was
• 28:13
  Speaker 6: a very internally tumultuous type of relationship.
• 28:17
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: She was married to my stepdad, and.
• 28:23
  Speaker 6: My stepdad and I were never close, so she was
• 28:25
  Speaker 6: my primary relationship in the world, and we moved a lot,
• 28:29
  Speaker 6: so I didn't have a lot of other family or
• 28:31
  Speaker 6: friend infrastructure.
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: Or anything like that.
• 28:33
  Speaker 6: So there was a lot of dependency on her for
• 28:36
  Speaker 6: my safe, my upbringing, my safety and all that. Yet
• 28:39
  Speaker 6: she was not safe for me to be that way
• 28:42
  Speaker 6: to you know, to do the things that she required,
• 28:45
  Speaker 6: which was to be honest and tell the truth and
• 28:47
  Speaker 6: all of that. It's like, I would do anything but
• 28:50
  Speaker 6: tell the truth. I developed an adaptive behavior of lying
• 28:53
  Speaker 6: a lot when I was a kid, and it is
• 28:57
  Speaker 6: an adaptive behavior. And you know, so I want to
• 29:01
  Speaker 6: congratulate our instinct to survive, because as kids, that's our job,
• 29:07
  Speaker 6: just to survive, you know.
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: So whatever way we.
• 29:10
  Speaker 6: Need to do that at that point in time is great,
• 29:13
  Speaker 6: you know, barring some really bad things, which I think
• 29:16
  Speaker 6: I've covered a lot of the bad things in my life.
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: But clearly I'm stubborn and had to learn through a
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: lot of bad things.
• 29:22
  Speaker 6: You know.
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: It's like, tell me how that works exactly, you know,
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: So how a learner?
• 29:29
  Speaker 6: But yeah, so I had to learn integrity. That's why
• 29:33
  Speaker 6: I say, you know, I had to finally give up
• 29:36
  Speaker 6: the stress of trying to please others, you know. And
• 29:41
  Speaker 6: so then I started the twenty year journey basically from
• 29:44
  Speaker 6: my twenties until my forties to trying to figure out
• 29:48
  Speaker 6: how to like reject the whole having to please others.
• 29:55
  Speaker 6: And my first husband was the first person that I
• 29:59
  Speaker 6: didn't feel like had to walk on eggshells around. However,
• 30:03
  Speaker 6: I wasn't complete obviously, because my second husband, I felt
• 30:07
  Speaker 6: like I had to walk on eggshells around constantly, right,
• 30:10
  Speaker 6: not his fault, just you know, just to certain some triggers,
• 30:13
  Speaker 6: you know, certain triggers, and that that's what happens, right, Yeah.
• 30:16
  Speaker 6: So and I was with that relationship for you know,
• 30:19
  Speaker 6: eighteen years. So, but I also went to Hoffmann and
• 30:25
  Speaker 6: Uh when I was forty, and that really helped me
• 30:28
  Speaker 6: to decouple a lot of the patterns from my reasons
• 30:33
  Speaker 6: for the patterns in the first place. And you know,
• 30:37
  Speaker 6: and that's a process that you go through and you
• 30:40
  Speaker 6: just you just keep you just keep learning from constantly.
• 30:43
  Speaker 6: So I would say, I would say a real crash
• 30:47
  Speaker 6: course in integrity from within, because it's not just first
• 30:52
  Speaker 6: within then without. It's yeah, start within, but it's a
• 30:56
  Speaker 6: like Karen said, it's a constant journey. It's a back
• 30:58
  Speaker 6: and forth feedback loop. I would say I started started
• 31:02
  Speaker 6: really in Hoffmann. You know, when I went to Hoffman.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: I love that. I love that, Miss Denise, who taught
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: you integrity my love?
• 31:11
  Speaker 5: Well, I would say my parents and my community taught
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: me integrity.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: What kind of community church, community, family.
• 31:19
  Speaker 5: Friends, church, community, well, church, community beyond. We were definitely
• 31:25
  Speaker 5: a family that was community focused, surprise Price knowing me,
• 31:32
  Speaker 5: we were a boy Scout family. So I can recite
• 31:35
  Speaker 5: the boy Scout motto. My I have four Eagle Scouts
• 31:41
  Speaker 5: in my family already, and there are two more on
• 31:44
  Speaker 5: the way right now, right that are working hard.
• 31:48
  Speaker 6: Can I just say it makes so much sense that
• 31:51
  Speaker 6: you're the boy Scout of the group, right, I love it.
• 31:55
  Speaker 5: I love it. It's just yeah, that's how I grew
• 32:03
  Speaker 5: up with all of the boy Scout motto right, be brave, loyal, true, honest,
• 32:10
  Speaker 5: you know, community focused, Like this was so ingrained in me,
• 32:14
  Speaker 5: either at church or in the multiple Boy Scout functions
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: that happened during the week, or going out into the
• 32:23
  Speaker 5: community doing activities with people in the community.
• 32:27
  Speaker 6: It was just.
• 32:27
  Speaker 5: This this belief, right like, this is who you are
• 32:32
  Speaker 5: and this is how you are and this is what
• 32:33
  Speaker 5: you do in our block too, Like we had the
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: best block growing up where we did things together as
• 32:42
  Speaker 5: a neighborhood. Like we went on family vacations, multiple families
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: getting together and going camping and like that's just what
• 32:49
  Speaker 5: we did. So when I kind of alluded to earlier
• 32:54
  Speaker 5: that in my thirties and forties was when I kind
• 32:57
  Speaker 5: of got the big old pop that wow, people really lie,
• 33:02
  Speaker 5: Like it really burst my bubble of what the world
• 33:05
  Speaker 5: is like. And I had a husband too, right, my
• 33:09
  Speaker 5: ex husband also live and cheated, which was aig ripple
• 33:13
  Speaker 5: at that point I was aged was I was. Let's see,
• 33:18
  Speaker 5: I was about thirty.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: When that had your whole twenties believing the world is
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: all this boy scout world and.
• 33:25
  Speaker 5: Your whole twenty percent full one hundred percent. And I
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: still do, like I feel like I've kind of gotten
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: back to that. That's you said, what shifted and when
• 33:34
  Speaker 5: did it shift? It's like my belief system when I
• 33:38
  Speaker 5: went through the horrible trauma in my late thirties forties.
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: That rocked me to my core. That was the biggest betrayal.
• 33:49
  Speaker 5: And I mean, I can own it now, but that
• 33:55
  Speaker 5: blew my mind and I actually couldn't trust myself either,
• 34:00
  Speaker 5: Like we were talking about self and others, right, Like
• 34:02
  Speaker 5: I didn't think I could trust myself, and it took
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: me seven years before I would even date another man
• 34:08
  Speaker 5: because in my head, all of a sudden, all men lie,
• 34:15
  Speaker 5: right and all men cheat.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, you didn't take that in high school?
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: No, No, because.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: I had good thing.
• 34:24
  Speaker 5: I had a really good boyfriend in high school, and
• 34:28
  Speaker 5: then I met my husband when I was eighteen. My
• 34:32
  Speaker 5: ex husband I met when I was eighteen, and I
• 34:34
  Speaker 5: was with him. We got married at twenty eight. So
• 34:37
  Speaker 5: it was like, you know, he never lied.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: In your twenties, he was a great person in your twenties.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: I got a callee.
• 34:43
  Speaker 5: Well he did, but that was something that I you know, ignored.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: That's my point. Yeah, you were shown the true world
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: in your twenties. You just didn't acknowledge it see it,
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: and it wasn't aligned with who you were, so you
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: didn't even get it.
• 34:59
  Speaker 5: Well, I've come to realize that we all have different
• 35:03
  Speaker 5: different things that are important to us, Like like, why
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: would someone who doesn't believe in stealing ever steal, right, Well,
• 35:11
  Speaker 5: maybe because they need to feed their children and that's
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: more important keeping their kids alive. Right, then you might
• 35:16
  Speaker 5: be a little out of integrity and steal because your
• 35:20
  Speaker 5: higher value is again, survival or survival for your family.
• 35:24
  Speaker 4: And I believe that in my.
• 35:26
  Speaker 5: Mind, I valued family partnership developing my own family.
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: Over the line piece. I think that's what came. Oh
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: does that makes sense?
• 35:43
  Speaker 5: So I became out of integrity and out of alignment
• 35:48
  Speaker 5: because because I wanted that was more important to me, right,
• 35:52
  Speaker 5: And I did it in my marriage. I did it
• 35:53
  Speaker 5: while dating. I did it in my marriage, and then
• 35:56
  Speaker 5: I did it with this guy and that I was dating, essentially.
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: Who you know I worked with and.
• 36:04
  Speaker 5: Was told we have to keep our relationship a secret
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: because there's a policy at our company that we can't
• 36:11
  Speaker 5: date each other. And so.
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: Which felt very much.
• 36:18
  Speaker 5: Out of alignment for me because then I'm lying to
• 36:20
  Speaker 5: my well and I worked really really hard. This is
• 36:23
  Speaker 5: what was so hard, you guys, because you know me, right, Like,
• 36:26
  Speaker 5: I worked so hard not to lie to my colleagues,
• 36:30
  Speaker 5: so they'd be hey, Denise, not knowing I'm already dating
• 36:34
  Speaker 5: someone in the agency, right, Hey Denise, I have this
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: great guy for you and we want to do a
• 36:39
  Speaker 5: double date. How about this weekend? And rather than saying
• 36:44
  Speaker 5: while I'm already dating someone or I'm seeing someone, I
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: would say something like, oh, well, you know, I don't
• 36:50
  Speaker 5: really have trouble meeting men. I'm fine, but thank you
• 36:54
  Speaker 5: for thinking of me.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: So it was like a you hit a really big
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: point right there, because in the definition of sorry, we
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: have we have know, I love you, we have ten
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: minutes left. But this is really good. This is juicy.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: So like it said in the definition of integrity, honesty
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: and moral principles, so we have layers of principles or values,
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: and yours for family was more important than truth, honesty, integrity,
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: whatever you want to call it. So you accepted more
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: of the line because of your ideal around the family.
• 37:32
  Speaker 5: I love that even in this instance, like I said, well,
• 37:37
  Speaker 5: you know, we'll date for a little while and if
• 37:39
  Speaker 5: he is the right guy for me and is going
• 37:42
  Speaker 5: to be my partner that I'm going to start a
• 37:43
  Speaker 5: family with.
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: Then I'll just leave the company. And that's fine.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: I love that. So let me ask miss Karen and
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: miss Peedelan for me, what is your like And if
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: you did have a hierarchy of your values or morals
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: or principles or whatever you want to call them, do
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: you see how Denise is putting family first and then
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: honesty or integrity or alignment or whatever. Now she's very
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: different because I would believe alignment would be first for you, right, Denise, Yeah, yeah,
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: but back then it's very different. So would you guys,
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: would you ladies?
• 38:22
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I don't understand that at all.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it does not need to tick for everyone.
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: Let me know, it doesn't.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: Please do not tick for everyone?
• 38:40
  Speaker 7: Right, right, it's even more complicating.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, exactly. So my one of my highest ideals
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: and values from my family was not family. It was honesty.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: It was not family like. That was not a thing
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: for us. There was three of us right like it
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: just and they still like it. Just never was that
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: kind of a thing. So people in Karen, you want
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: to comment on maybe the moral hierarchy of some principles
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: or values that you might have had or had no
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: dead time on a podcast.
• 39:17
  Speaker 5: Shop, I heard you say that you grew up as
• 39:24
  Speaker 5: a coping mechanism. Lying was something that was important to
• 39:29
  Speaker 5: you in order to survive.
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: Right. It was safety.
• 39:37
  Speaker 6: It was yeah, not to get hit, you know, or
• 39:43
  Speaker 6: how to not even consciously, how to just let the
• 39:47
  Speaker 6: hit happen so that then I could.
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: Think, you know, yeah, my mom was one of the
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: worst teachers. I remember her trying to teach me time,
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: how to tell time?
• 39:57
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: And I could I just I couldn't.
• 39:59
  Speaker 6: I couldn't hear what she was saying because I just
• 40:03
  Speaker 6: knew that she was going to get impatient, because this
• 40:05
  Speaker 6: was the pattern she'd get impatient. I didn't get it
• 40:07
  Speaker 6: on the right on the first time, or she didn't
• 40:10
  Speaker 6: explain it the way that I could understand it, you know,
• 40:12
  Speaker 6: how to explain things to me right, so you know,
• 40:15
  Speaker 6: And so then she would hit me and then and
• 40:17
  Speaker 6: then she'd go off like the pressure was released, and
• 40:20
  Speaker 6: then I could then think. And then the first thing
• 40:23
  Speaker 6: I did was I went downstairs to her seamstress that
• 40:25
  Speaker 6: was downstairs. She had a bunch of seamstresses, and I
• 40:27
  Speaker 6: asked her, how do you tell time? And she explained
• 40:30
  Speaker 6: it to me like in two seconds, and I was like,
• 40:33
  Speaker 6: that's it great, So you know, so then I knew
• 40:37
  Speaker 6: how to so you know, it was just it was
• 40:39
  Speaker 6: just an anxiety thing, you know, it just like there
• 40:42
  Speaker 6: was a yeah, So safety was the was the first thing.
• 40:45
  Speaker 6: Or just deal with it, let the let the unsafety happen,
• 40:48
  Speaker 6: and then deal with real life after that.
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: I remember talking to you Peteln and this is really huge.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sharing your life with us,
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: because I don't understand that part of it, and so
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: I love for you sharing that. Like, if I could
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: just let this happen and get it over with now,
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: I can move on to the next step of healing
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: and moving on or whatever. But I did everything I
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: possibly could to hide and not get that wrath from
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: my dad. Like we hit on the side of the bed,
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: I'd run away, like I did everything I possibly could
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: not to catch the crap. And so you were like
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: it was so often and it was so part of
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: your Again, I want to say, you are so intelligent.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: As a young child, I was not. I was just surviving,
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: and you as a young child thinking Okay, if I
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: just get this over with, I can function after this,
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: Like that's huge.
• 41:50
  Speaker 6: Well, it was also an adaptive behavior. I mean, at
• 41:53
  Speaker 6: some point it's just like, you know, how do we
• 41:55
  Speaker 6: move this along. I was part of the problem. I
• 41:58
  Speaker 6: couldn't I couldn't take in any information. So but I
• 42:01
  Speaker 6: noticed I could take in information once.
• 42:03
  Speaker 5: The blow up happened.
• 42:04
  Speaker 6: Like, okay, so because you're most stressed, Yeah, yeah, that's
• 42:07
  Speaker 6: one of the reasons I don't focus anymore on to me,
• 42:10
  Speaker 6: integrity with self like like you know, Karen named it alignment.
• 42:15
  Speaker 6: You know, that's a good way to put it with ourselves.
• 42:18
  Speaker 6: For me, is just the least stressful way to deal
• 42:20
  Speaker 6: with it because I can't I can't contain everybody else's
• 42:23
  Speaker 6: idea of what that is. It's not none of my
• 42:26
  Speaker 6: business really, you know.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I love that. I love that. All right,
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: we have four minutes left. That's a minute for everybody.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: I'll just take my twenty seconds. Integrity is so huge
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: for my safety, So I'm going to go into all
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: of you feel and for me to be safe, you
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: have to do, think, say, act whatever. It's got to
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: be alignment because if you don't, I'm out. Like my
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: triggers go up and I'm afraid because I don't know
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: what your actions are going to be. In my past,
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: the actions were so volatile and so traumatic, and they
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: were immediate and they were a surprise. So I have
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: to gauge my safety on. Okay, is it light green
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: and we're all walking, that's great, light's green. Somebody stops still,
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: It's like, what the fuck? Right? It's like I'm always
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: on guard and aware of what's happening around me at
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: all times, which is why my home is so important.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: I have to be safe at my home. You have
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: to smile when I walk in. I have to know
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: what you're feeling. I have to know what you're thinking,
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: which is why Luna is perfect for me because she's
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: always happy to see me. So that is really important
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: for me to know people and to know what you're thinking.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Like the look we got the peopleans look. I know
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: she loves me no matter what. I don't care her looks.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: Her look. That's great. I'm gonna learn more, but I
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: know she loves me no matter what. If we don't
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: know that from the people around us, then our safety
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: goes up. So that's the most important thing for me
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: is to know my people in my sphere. Okay, that's
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: my takeaway from today. Integrity is huge because you got
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: to know yourself in order to put yourself out there.
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna have Denise go next.
• 44:15
  Speaker 5: One minute, and what this is a big takeaway on ourselves.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: Take away from anything, take away from intagra.
• 44:26
  Speaker 5: Takeaway on integrity for me, I think is just that
• 44:28
  Speaker 5: everybody has a different lens that they're looking from in
• 44:33
  Speaker 5: terms of how they see integrity and what it might
• 44:36
  Speaker 5: mean to be an integrity with themselves or others.
• 44:41
  Speaker 9: So how okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna stop you there
• 44:47
  Speaker 9: because I noticed how Denise is looking outward again instead.
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: But this is her takeaway.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true. You're right, I just don't want to
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: get two more minutes, so everybody's got to think. Go ahead, Denise,
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: smack me.
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: I know I have.
• 45:05
  Speaker 5: Wasted thirty seconds of my share. So it was it
• 45:11
  Speaker 5: was for me to be It was for me to
• 45:13
  Speaker 5: be reflective in thinking about people that I meet, and
• 45:17
  Speaker 5: what I need for myself is to be aware of
• 45:21
  Speaker 5: everyone that I mean, this is yeah, this is me,
• 45:24
  Speaker 5: Like I think about all everybody and how can it
• 45:27
  Speaker 5: like what do other people need? What are their perceptions
• 45:30
  Speaker 5: of integrity? How do we mash of doing not? Because
• 45:32
  Speaker 5: for me, if you lie to me, I'm out.
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: That's it for me.
• 45:36
  Speaker 5: Like if you tell me you're going to do something
• 45:38
  Speaker 5: or be somewhere or this is what I'm promising, you
• 45:41
  Speaker 5: better fucking deliver or I'm out.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: I love that, Karen.
• 45:47
  Speaker 7: So I think my takeaway is similar to what Denise
• 45:52
  Speaker 7: is saying, is really getting a sense of that, you know,
• 45:54
  Speaker 7: realizing that everyone has a different lens for their for
• 45:58
  Speaker 7: what integrity means to them, and through dialogue and through
• 46:02
  Speaker 7: communication of getting to know people, and that also increases
• 46:06
  Speaker 7: the intimacy, which also can increase the trust.
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: But it's also.
• 46:12
  Speaker 7: Understanding what that lens is for that particular person as
• 46:16
  Speaker 7: well as my own. And then also do those are
• 46:19
  Speaker 7: those lenses in alignment, you know, something that someone considers
• 46:23
  Speaker 7: important to them also in alignment with my core beliefs
• 46:26
  Speaker 7: as well.
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: I love it. Oh sorry, I got to catch you off.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: We gotta go.
• 46:33
  Speaker 6: I just I think that I think we're all looking
• 46:37
  Speaker 6: at it, We're all looking at it from a different emphasis. Basically,
• 46:40
  Speaker 6: it's the same thing, right, It's all the same thing,
• 46:42
  Speaker 6: just a different emphasis depending on what our history has been.
• 46:45
  Speaker 6: And for me it is it's always going to come
• 46:48
  Speaker 6: back to self because my response to somebody else, it's
• 46:51
  Speaker 6: really not about them. It's about how am I going
• 46:53
  Speaker 6: to respond to them? How am I going to show
• 46:56
  Speaker 6: up that might actually help them to stay in integrity
• 46:59
  Speaker 6: or at least to be honest as honest as possible.
• 47:01
  Speaker 6: So you know, again, it's always a work in progress.
• 47:04
  Speaker 6: I don't always get it right. In fact, I alsually
• 47:06
  Speaker 6: usually get it wrong. But that's my That's that's where
• 47:09
  Speaker 6: I want to draw the line. I don't want to
• 47:11
  Speaker 6: tell somebody else what they should be focusing on. I
• 47:14
  Speaker 6: want to like, I just didn't encourage No, I just
• 47:18
  Speaker 6: want to encourage them to be themselves around me and
• 47:21
  Speaker 6: as the more themselves they are. I already accept that
• 47:24
  Speaker 6: there's going to be a diversion somewhere.
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: And it's okay. We're all human.
• 47:28
  Speaker 6: I don't ever hold that against them, because my mom
• 47:30
  Speaker 6: would hold that against She was very rigid.
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: And I cannot live with that. That is that that
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: is that's a deal breaker for me.
• 47:37
  Speaker 6: Because I'm flawed, you know, and if I'm going to
• 47:39
  Speaker 6: be judged according to my flaws and there's no room
• 47:41
  Speaker 6: for me to breathe, Oh my god.
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: That's so huge. I love it, ladies, Thank.
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: You, Thanks you too.
• 47:47
  Speaker 5: Somewhere down the road, Yeah, we like totally right.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that was so good, just getting into
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: the deeper stuff. And this is the way everyone needs
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: to communicate, because we need to know your soul, your spirit,
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: your life, your experiences. Thank you' all. Please check out
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: all the other soul sisters. These ladies are fuenomenal. You
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: do not want to miss what they say come back nominal.
• 48:10
  Speaker 7: Yeah no, we put the fun in phenomenal.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 48:17
  Speaker 4: So what bye for now.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: We appreciate you joining us today and don't forget to
• 48:23
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• 48:27
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• 48:31
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• 48:35
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• 48:39
  Speaker 2: and Talk for TV. It's not about the zeros, It's
• 48:42
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• 48:47
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• 48:51
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