Latest / Sex Advice for Seniors Podcast / Why Women Lose Their Libido (And How to Get It Back) | ft. Pauline Ryeland

Transcript

Why Women Lose Their Libido (And How to Get It Back) | ft. Pauline Ryeland · Sex Advice for Seniors Podcast

• 0:00
  [music]
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Intimacy doesn't have an age limit and Oh My Bod is redefining pleasure
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: with beautifully designed, tech-savvy wellness products.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Rediscover connection and confidence at ohmybod.com.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's O-H-M-I-B-O-D dot com.
• 0:22
  [music]
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: You are listening to Sex Advice for Seniors.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And today I'm with somebody who's got all sorts of expertise that I'm quite curious
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: about how it works together.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: She's a sexological body worker.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: She's a technologist.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: She's a cancer teacher, does NLP.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I love a bit of NLP, actually.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: She's done hypnotherapy.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: She's a results coach, behaving technique.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: I've not heard of that.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Trauma specialist.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And she's all the way in Queensland, Australia.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And her name is Pauline Ryland.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome, Pauline.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Very excited to be here.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sounds like you've got an extensive resume.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: What's that all about?
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't know.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Where do you want me to start?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: Funny because I usually am a bit cheeky and go, I'll just read my book.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's all in there.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: But I started doing NLP training, not for any reason, just something I wanted to do.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it's really a deep dive into personal development because you just look
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: at all your own crap and you sort of peel it away.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: We were doing like a section called Presentation and Platform Skills,
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: which was about talking from the stage.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: So we had to break off into little groups and do mock presentations.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't even know why.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there had been things that had been dripping through,
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: but I just said, well, Well,
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to talk about sex and I'm going to have let's talk about sex baby and
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: a salt and pepper song playing.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: So I just was playing with that.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then that was just put aside.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then further along the track,
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  SPEAKER_01: I was working with my girlfriend to look at what my niche would be
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: because I knew I didn't want to be a business coach.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm seeking health, emotional wellbeing.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: And every time I opened my mouth,
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: my girlfriend just went boring and literally slammed her fist in a hand,
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: like barking at me like a pit bull.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: And energetically, I felt like my back was against the wall.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: And all of a sudden the word sex comes out of my mouth.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: And she goes, that's it.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know more about sex than anybody I know.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: What a great niche.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's so neat.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: And meanwhile, my head's just going, oh my God, I'm not sure about that.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I sort of sat in perturbation for a few weeks and was at another training and suddenly...
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Suddenly the guys, they're just intuitive.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: They're suddenly calling me the sex lady.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, did you know they hadn't talked about it with her?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: I went, okay, I'll give it a go.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: As Aussies say, we'll give it a crack.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'll apply the principles of being an NLP master coach,
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: look at the problem, look at what they want to achieve.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Nine times out of 10, it's pretty obvious, but not always.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then come back to the problem, then dig below it.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: The surface to get to all the underlying core issues that are driving it.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: So that's how I started.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah,
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: I did have a bit of knowledge because I'd done a few sexual sort of shamanic courses
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  SPEAKER_01: that involved, I didn't really realize at the time that involved Tantra.
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  SPEAKER_01: It was Tantra-based.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: Then after a while,
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  SPEAKER_01: I thought, oh, maybe I should go and get a Tantra training so I can be certified.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: And as I was learning that, I'm like, oh, I already know that.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm already doing that because it was stuff that I had just learned
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: in my own personal development.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so I just started blending the two because I believe it's not just the physical,
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  SPEAKER_01: it's the mindset as well.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: So hypnotherapy was part of the NLP sort of bundle of things.
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  SPEAKER_01: And then further down the track, I did somatic sexological body work.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: And that's sort of really a blend of tantra and mindfulness and
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  SPEAKER_01: a few little things like that combined, but it's more hands-on.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: So we're creating somatic change in the body.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: And then a couple of years ago, I did the Havening for Trauma
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: for myself, the dental trauma.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I had really, really bad, horrific stuff done to me as a kid.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, it was the dangers in me weren't good friends.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I just got really, really triggered with some stuff I had done.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I rang this woman and said, let's do a session.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: And what's great about it is it's a touch-based therapy.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: So the client will be doing,
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: this is one move and there's lots of different, couple of other moves.
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  SPEAKER_01: What that does is it calms the nervous system down,
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  SPEAKER_01: floods it with oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin and actually unlocks the amygdala.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: So you score the trauma out of 10, 10 out of 10.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then as we do a round, that 10 just keeps dropping.
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  SPEAKER_01: So when that happened for me and I couldn't even find the trauma,
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  SPEAKER_01: And over the next few days, I was doing this in my little mantra.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: I was like laughing at the thought of going to the dentist.
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  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh my God, this is bizarre.
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  SPEAKER_01: So after I went to the dentist where I was as cool and calm as a cucumber,
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: I rang her up and said, I need to learn this.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just been such a great add-on because it's such a gentle process for trauma.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's fantastic.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Phenomenal.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: I've done a couple of things that correlate with a lot of what you said.
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  SPEAKER_00: One is I went to see a hypnotherapist
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: and it did actually shift some very deep beliefs that I was having,
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: especially during sex,
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  SPEAKER_00: that were getting in the way of being truly intimate with someone.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was getting into my own head with my own stuff.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And at one point, a partner commented that I didn't seem to be present.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it's because I was somewhere off having my own little fantasy.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew that it was a really unhealthy place to be.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I couldn't think of any other way to deal with it but go to see a hypnotherapist
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  SPEAKER_00: and try and shift that out of my brain.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it was quite frightening, actually.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: The session when it happened, she said, I'm just going to do some very, very light hypnotherapy.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: But what ended up happening is I started,
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't say quite convulsing,
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: but I would say that it was like my entire nervous system was activated
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: and I couldn't stop trembling.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like the tsunami had to come out.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: My whole body was shaking and she was getting a bit freaked out and said,
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: no, would you like me to take you out of this?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, no, no,
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: because I think what's in me,
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  SPEAKER_00: it's got to come out and I'm just going to let it do it.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I'm not going to have a heart attack.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm not going to have it,
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: even though I felt like I was close to having one,
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: but I felt like I'm not going to have a heart attack.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: But after it was over, I felt incredibly like something had lifted.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it was quite incredible,
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  SPEAKER_00: but I'd never heard of anyone else going to hypnotherapy for that sort of thing.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do you get people that go to you in similar circumstances with sexual trauma?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like a huge amount of my clients have sexual trauma.
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  SPEAKER_01: So what I do in a consult is,
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
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  SPEAKER_01: I get all their information and if there's sexual trauma, like, okay,
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  SPEAKER_01: we'll start with doing a trauma session so we can start unlocking the amygdala and
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  SPEAKER_01: then we'll get into the coaching because the coaching involves NLP and
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: the tantric-based sort of practices.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: So it just sort of loosens things up and we can create really phenomenal shifts.
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  SPEAKER_01: Like one young woman in her 30s actually had sexual abuse as a kid.
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  SPEAKER_01: She used to have horrific panic attacks at least two a day that would just stop her
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  SPEAKER_01: in her tracks and she wouldn't have a baby and she knew that she couldn't function
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: if she was doing that.
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  SPEAKER_01: So we released the trauma from her and then I always check in with my clients
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  SPEAKER_01: a couple of days later to see how they are.
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  SPEAKER_01: And she said, oh, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack.
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  SPEAKER_01: So I did the havening and said my mantra because I created a mantra and it will come.
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  SPEAKER_01: I said, that's fantastic.
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  SPEAKER_01: I said, so just keep going, keep doing the havening every day.
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  SPEAKER_01: And if you have that same feeling again,
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  SPEAKER_01: do exactly the same thing, but then I want you to journal.
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  SPEAKER_01: What time was it?
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  SPEAKER_01: What were you eating?
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  SPEAKER_01: What were you doing?
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  SPEAKER_01: Like everything that was happening.
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  SPEAKER_01: So if it happened a few times,
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  SPEAKER_01: then I could look at it and see what pattern was there and then we could unpack
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  SPEAKER_01: that.
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  SPEAKER_01: Well, between then and the following week when we started our coaching,
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  SPEAKER_01: she had not had one panic attack
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  SPEAKER_01: and she was just like this bright little angel just every session I could just see
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: her energetically shifting and growing and she was just amazing.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: It just shifted.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really phenomenal to work with that.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: And in my training,
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: I worked with Auburn that had two brutal assaults that had ended in hospital,
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: like very severely damaged.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that was a big one.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: We worked through it all.
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  SPEAKER_01: And, you know,
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: at the very end,
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: we sat there because it was pretty intense,
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: still, you know, just chatting and havening.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: And she just said, I've been waiting my whole life for someone like you.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm curious to know, what does this actually involve?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: I've never heard of it before, the havening technique.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's a technique from America.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: So basically that's all you're doing.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: There's a couple of other moves.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: But what I'm doing is I then get them to,
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: once we've done that for a little bit,
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: then I get them to tell me about the trauma and to score it.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then I ask them things that they like to do and what brings them joy
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: and how's their feelings on a day-to-day basis and what would they like to feel.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: So for me, for the dentist, I wanted to feel safe, relaxed and calm at the dentist.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so then we do what I just call a round and I take people through a round
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: and basically we're getting them to Haven the whole time and talk about things
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: that they love.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I throw in things that are like brain twisters,
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: like silly things, like tell me names of animals from A to Z.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: They go, what?
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so like really crazy things like that.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then after a while I go, okay, take a breath, open your eyes, now look back and score it.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: And that 10 drops to a 7, to a 5, to a 3, to a 2, to a 0.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like when I had it done to me, I literally could not even find the trauma.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like I could feel my brain looking.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: And it was like wigging out because it just couldn't find it at all.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't say it was exactly the same, but I've done EMDR, which is different.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: For those who don't know,
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: that's an eye movement trauma therapy where you're short-circuiting your brain
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: but using a different technique.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: I do bring in a little bit,
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: like right towards the end of a round,
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'll go, okay,
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: with your eyes closed,
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: move your eyes left to right, but only for like a minute, then we do something else.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I do bring that in, but that's not the main part of it.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I just think it works because it worked for me and I've had the EMDR
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: and it didn't work for me.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, look, I think whatever works for you.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: I don't consider myself a woo-woo person at all.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I do know that there are some techniques that I've used,
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: especially when it comes to NLP, hypnotherapy.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: EMDR did work to a certain extent for me.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: But all of these techniques have been proven to work.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't see them as woo-woo at all.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: I see them as legitimate.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's a form of behavioral therapy, isn't it?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:11
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• 11:18
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• 11:26
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• 11:39
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• 11:45
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• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: When you work with older people, what are some of the reasons that they come to you?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, look,
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: I call myself a libido expert because that's what I seem
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: to be helping predominantly women with loss of libido and that comes about for
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: a variety of reasons.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: So we sort of come at that at different angles.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: So loss of libido for women,
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: not orgasming at all and that's from clitoral and internal as well
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: and maybe only orgasming sometimes.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like, well, if you could orgasm sometimes, what's happening the other times?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: And internal pain, and I get rid of that.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: And with men, it can be, you know, erectile dysfunction.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: So not being able to maintain an erection or get an erection or premature ejaculation.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: I work with loss of libido for men as well.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: Peyronie's disease, which is a weird thing when the penis suddenly breaks.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: Ben, did I fix that as well?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: Really?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, because I've been doing a lot of stuff around Peroni's disease,
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: which for those who don't know is a curvature of the penis,
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: often as a result of some sort of trauma where there's scar tissue
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: that gets underneath the skin,
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: causes the curve and makes it difficult sometimes to have an erection
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: or is quite painful when they do have an erection.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: And what's the technique that you use to support that?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: So it's from my training as a somatic sexological body worker and I actually work on
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: the penis with gloves and I use castor oil to start breaking down the adhesions and
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: then the guy has to do it every day for 28 days and if they forget a day
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: then they start the 28 days again because as you break the adhesions down
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: the adhesions want to refall.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because urologists just don't really know what to do and they go,
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: oh, we'll just do some surgery.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Really?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so this guy had two surgeries due for a third a couple of months
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: after he came to me with his wife.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: Their relationship was cactus, like 10 years.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: It was just, you know, young, like he was only in his early 30s.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: They say it only happens with older men, but it's not true, obviously.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: And he was going to have a third surgery and he was in so much pain and
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: so disconnected from everything.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I said, this is what I'm going to do.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: So wife needs to be comfortable with this.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: You're not going to have an erection.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: You're not going to ejaculate.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just palpating and breaking down.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, you can come to the first session if you want or just leave us to do it.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: And on that first session, the adhesion started breaking down.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: But she was particularly hard to work with initially
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: because she just had her walls up, you know.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, I should have left him years ago and all the story that was attached.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: But they persevered and our coaching went for a year,
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: not in sessions but just financially for them because they were building a house.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: But they were dedicated because they just couldn't believe.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I said to them, you are not having another surgery, not on my watch.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: And they didn't believe me at first,
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: but they were so stuck and then they realized that things were shifting.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: So they persevered, but it took us like a year to finish the work.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: And then they got back to having sex again.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: So it's pretty incredible.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I use the same sort of technique for women with internal pain.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Do a thing called vaginal mapping.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: So again,
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: I work inside the vagina and I work with castor oil,
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: but it's like a slow thing where I'll just touch a point And go on a scale of 0
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: to 10, what's the pain level?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want them over a 4 and I'll just hold it and start to release it
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: and I just make my way around the vagina.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: From little depth right to full finger in.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a whole system that I do.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then I get them to apply castor oil because vaginal pain can come about for
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: a variety of reasons.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: But as we age and get into the menopausal state and post-menopause,
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: we stop producing estrogen as much.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so castor oil actually builds elasticity and collagen in the vaginal wall.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: So as a maintenance thing, women,
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: younger women should start,
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: once they hit perimenopause,
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: is just start applying cholesterol in their vagina like once a week or something.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then as they get into menopause, that's going to be really helpful to be doing that.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: And why they get pain?
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there's a lot of times women are having sex and they're not fully aroused,
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: so they're not lubricated enough.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: Could be from birthing, you know, stitches, things like that.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: There's a variety of reasons.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah,
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: and I talk a lot about vaginal estrogen because it's just something that has really,
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: really, really helped me.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: It just replaces the estrogen actually in that area and doesn't enter your bloodstream.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was on a podcast several months ago and I was talking about vaginal estrogen
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: and I was talking about testosterone because I take testosterone.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: But of course,
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: in Australia,
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: you're legalized for female,
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: bioidentical female testosterone, which nobody knew about that I was speaking to.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, we can't get it except if we go private in the UK.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: But you guys can get it.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: The step around erectile dysfunction,
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: because that's my specialist topic,
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: what kind of mindset or body-based work do you do that can make a real difference
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: with that?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: With erectile dysfunction?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes with some men,
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: if they've got low desire and low libido,
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: I get them to get their testosterone checked.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it gets quite intimate with people.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's the only hand-on work that I do with my clients.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: If it's genital problematic,
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: basically, if it's vaginal pain, then I just go, look, you know, this works.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just do one session.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell you I'll be way more gentle than going for a Paxmi.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it's being done with love and compassion because I've been there too
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: and I've had the pain as well.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like everything I've done to my clients I've had done to me.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: And the same with the men.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's like if you want to get rid of the Peyronies, then I have to do hands-on work.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: So then I get in doing the work and then I'll keep working with the product,
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: the carcerol, and then I'll see them.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'll have them in another session two weeks or three weeks later to check.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: Actually,
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: there is one other time I work with men on the table and that's when they've got PE,
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: premature ejaculation.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: I do work with them on the table for that.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: And again,
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: another technique because with premature ejaculation,
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: we have to get men to move away from arousal but stay aroused at the same time.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: So we do that through breath work.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: I only get them to what they think is 50%,
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: no more, because I don't want them, you know, and no guy ever has.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I've got that.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: And if I'm a bit unsure, I might only go to a three.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, some guys, you might just start touching them and they're already at 50%.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: I go, okay.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: Hand off.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's not doing anything more brief.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: So I sort of intuit where to go with that.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: And typically for how long do people see you?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Is it a one-up?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: Is it weeks?
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Is it months?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: You said you'd seen someone for a year.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that was whatever amount of sessions.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: It just took them a long time to do the sessions.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: Look, the consult is where I determine how many sessions they need depending on what's going on.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: If we're adding in trauma work or any physical work.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: But the average for sessions would be anywhere between five and seven or eight sessions.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I usually like to do them every fortnight.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the results aren't always there, but it's like we're creating change.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: And if you want to create change, you do something every day for 28 days.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I say,
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: when we finish doing the work,
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: you need to keep doing this work consistently for three months.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: Which to me equates to doing it every day for 28 days.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe that's when you'll see the change.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you don't see the change while we're working.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: You just have to keep persevering because you've got all the teammates.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: You've got all the tools.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: You've cleared all the stuff with the belief systems and the emotions and stuff with the NLP.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: So you've got the physical somatic-based body learning practices to do.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: Just keep going.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: That makes sense.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you focus on getting people to get back into their body and getting out of their heads.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Are there any kind of practical tips that you can think of to start actually making
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: that a reality?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, look, the first thing I do with people is a body scan.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: But I think a good way to do that is just go through your body
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: and move your feet around and shake them around and then bring them into stillness
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: and then take a nice big deep breath into your belly.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then move your legs or then you're up your hands and you're shaking your hands
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: so you can really feel them.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: You come into stillness and then that's the way of getting into your body.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: Another way is starting with your head and hitting firmly over the whole body and do
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: that three times and then change it to a fast-paced sort of movement and three times
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: and then change the touch to very light.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: So you've really awakened the skin,
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: you've awakened all the ends of the skin,
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: and then you're doing this nice gentle touch that's creating a different sensation.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: So there's quite a lot,
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: there's tons of different techniques,
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: but that's a couple that I would be my clients to do it.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're talking about women with low libido,
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: for women as they age,
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think it is a natural consequence sometimes of low estrogen.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: Do you see that there are other things that women can do for themselves
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: without their partner to just perk up their libido
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: and just make them feel more sexual?
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think part of the problem is that as we age,
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: we have body changes and we lose our confidence within ourselves.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_01: So it's about getting that self-love happening,
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: which is something that I always work when I'm working on Limiting Beliefs.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: But I think it's that thing of just getting in touch with your body like anything.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't use it, you lose it.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so sometimes with my clients, it's like, okay, I'm at a point with my coaching.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: I go, well, now I want you to start touching your body.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: Not necessarily to masturbate per se,
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: but just to get in touch with your body and slow and sensual to activate
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: the inner goddess within you that's there.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: There's busting to come out,
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: put some music on and have a bit of a dance around,
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: a bit of schmooze around and just connect into the music and into your body like
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: that and get that sensuality moving.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then from there,
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: you can then move into maybe touching your genitals and having a bit of a play
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: and just But, you know, do some things to get in your body first.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's just like you've just got to make yourself do it even
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: though you don't feel like it just because we have a switch that cuts off.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: We have a switch.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: Our brains are very clever.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Our brains will switch off our libido for a variety of reasons.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: If we've got insulin,
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: we're not going to feel like we want to have sex because our brain goes,
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: oh, it's going to hurt.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to switch it off.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: If you're not happy in your relationship,
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: But some people are happy in their relationships but they just,
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: they stop being sexual and then a month becomes a year,
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: becomes two years, becomes five years before you know it.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's gone.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a matter of getting proactive about what you need to do
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: to start getting things back and if you need help then reach out to someone.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: And do you find that for a lot of women,
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: it's quite a radical act of asking them to touch themselves and to be sensual
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: with their own body?
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: Some it's like,
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: they haven't had sex in 10 years or five years
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: and they certainly haven't masturbated in that time.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: And some might not have had sex with a partner for that long, but they have masturbated.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: So everyone's a little bit different.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why I like to do this central wake up the inner goddess verse
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: because it's not a pressure to actually get down there and play with your bits,
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: you know.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's a softer approach.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then it might be, okay, let's just do some soft touch and just gently go past your genitals.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: Don't stop just like gently just go past.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: There's a little tickle like you're tickling your arm and just getting used to it, you know.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: And even just hang out with your hand.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: Holding a crutch because when do we as women hang out like that?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: We don't.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: Men do.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: Scratch their balls and leave their hands in their pants and I sort of get it
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_01: if it feels comfortable.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: But we as women don't do that because like get your hand out of there.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's dirty.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's disgusting.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: Don't do that.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's the reality.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: So to just hang out with your hand in your pants, not doing anything but just hang on.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's very nice and it's very comforting.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, as long as you're not doing it, you know, on the train or anything.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do it on the train.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: Definitely don't do it on the train.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: So ladies, you heard it here first.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: Pauline is saying, what she's saying is grabbing your crotch is not just for men.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: As ladies,
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: you should become friendly with your genitals and put your hand down your pants
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: when you're sitting around watching telly.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because what it does,
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: it starts creating the neurological pathways to go,
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: oh, brain, heart, genital connection.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: It starts connecting everything so that we're all connected instead
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: of being like this in separate postcodes almost.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: It starts bringing everything together and starts connecting you.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know,
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: you can have your hand down your pants and you could imagine breathing
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: into your genitals, in and out even.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: You could do that.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: So they're having some connection there.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to be a bit woo-woo,
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_01: get a rose quartz crystal and put that between your hand and your genitals
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: because rose quartz crystal is about love.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: So it's connecting that love to your genitals.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, very nice.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: I could get a little bit woo-woo, Pauline, but just a little.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a very grounded woo-woo person.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm into all the alternate things and that, but I am very grounded in my approach to everything.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not woo-woo with my head out in the clouds because people that are like
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_01: that are actually quite disconnected from themselves.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm very grounded, if that makes sense.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: So there's a big difference.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I love this idea that as women,
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: we can put our hands down our pants and just like leave it there and chill out.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think why should men be the only ones who can do that?
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a great way to leave the show is just to encourage women to do that.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: Just not in public, ladies.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I'm saying.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: And just one thing that I would add there is If stuff comes up,
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: because it might, get a journal and write it out in a journal.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like what's come up doing that?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because we hide judgment,
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: expectation and demand on what our genitals are doing or not doing
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: or how they're functioning or not functioning and potentially what they look like.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because we do comparison to porn and porn's not what women look like.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's absolutely 100% true.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's been absolutely lovely chatting with you.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: Have a fantastic evening.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's been great to connect with
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: you as well.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know where this conversation keeps going after the show?
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: Over at sexadviceforseniors.com.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: Come join the fun,
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: read some very cheeky articles, and maybe discover something new about yourself.