Latest / Tony & Sarah Unscripted / Ep 13: When Life Shifts, So Do We

Transcript

Ep 13: When Life Shifts, So Do We · Tony & Sarah Unscripted

0:05
And. Tony.
0:10
We're back.
0:11
It feels good to be back on the side of the microphone.
0:14
Well, it's been quite a few months.
0:17
Yeah. So,
0:20
we've missed doing this.
0:21
And it's been, what, about seven, eight months?
0:24
A lot has happened in both of our lives.
0:27
And I think, you know,
0:31
when we were talked about doing this, we thought, well, will we talk about it?
0:34
Will we not talk about it? But we decided, let's talk about it.
0:37
Let's talk about what's happened over the past eight months.
0:39
Let's get it out there and talk about our rebranding and all that stuff.
0:43
So, let's just get into it. Yeah.
0:47
All right.
0:47
So we're no longer in frightful connections.
0:50
We've rebranded and we're excited about that.
0:52
Tony and Sarah unscripted.
0:54
And we have scripts in front of us today.
0:57
Yeah. This is what I said to him.
0:58
I was like, Tony, it's as unscripted. And yet you give me a script.
1:01
But everybody knows. Tony knows that that's Tony.
1:04
That's me.
1:04
Yeah, but it was such a meaningful project for us.
1:08
And then things shifted, right?
1:10
Things moved a little bit.
1:11
Can you share a little bit about what led to sort of the pause, like what?
1:15
What what happened? Yeah.
1:17
You know, people say, like,
1:19
you really watch a movie and they're like, you know, my life change in a second.
1:23
That's exactly what happened to me.
1:25
I was targeted. I'm not you going into too much detail.
1:27
There's no reason to name names and get into much detail.
1:30
But I was targeted by a hate group, and, it shook me to my core.
1:35
And it affected every part of my life, my safety.
1:40
I had to leave the state for a while.
1:44
And the people that
1:46
I thought would protect me.
1:50
Some people I thought would protect me ended up not protecting me.
1:53
And really betraying me.
1:54
And I think that has been the hardest of
1:58
for me to deal with is the betrayal.
2:01
So it was super painful and I'm glad we're talking about this for a few reasons.
2:08
But one of the reasons is to thank you because you really,
2:12
I don't know what I would have done and if it wasn't for you
2:14
keeping me updated on what was happening on social media.
2:17
I had to drop off.
2:19
I know I really did.
2:20
I had to drop off the earth.
2:21
And at that time when I was doing that, I was in such a fight or flight.
2:25
I have never in my life experienced that magnitude of fear,
2:29
which is incredible to me.
2:30
Tony, because you have experienced a tremendous amount in your life.
2:35
So for this to to have that effect
2:38
on you, it's just unbelievable.
2:41
Yeah.
2:42
I mean, when you're,
2:43
when you're getting death threats because I've done death threats before.
2:48
I'm a friend of mine years ago said, you know, you know, your famous one.
2:51
Yeah. I laughed about it.
2:52
But when somebody's calling your phone and you can hear them
2:58
say, you know, I'm going to kill you.
2:59
In other words, it's it takes it to a different level.
3:03
So but you were there and a lot of people were there to hold me up.
3:08
I, I'm going to be honest.
3:09
Like I'm just starting to feel
3:13
that little bit of a shift in healing.
3:16
You know, and when we were talking about changing the podcast
3:20
to a different type of podcast, we both agreed that it was super important
3:26
to bring joy into people's lives, especially
3:30
now. Yep.
3:32
I don't care who you are, you're you're most likely you're not having a good day.
3:37
You know, so if we can bring joy into people's lives
3:40
and a lot of people's like, how can you be joyful
3:42
when all this, you know, stuff is going down with joy
3:46
isn't erasing what's happening.
3:48
Joy helps you survive what's happening. Right.
3:51
You know, so I think people kind of,
3:54
get confused because that's how I was.
3:56
I was like, how can I laugh now?
3:57
My, my, my livelihood, I, I,
4:00
I lost a lot in June.
4:02
Yeah.
4:04
How every stage in your life you've probably learned something.
4:09
Right.
4:09
So going through through what you went through back in June,
4:13
what did you learn about yourself?
4:16
I learned that I couldn't that I, I had a hard time
4:19
leading on people, but I also learned I, I feel very
4:23
I thought it was really cool what I learned.
4:25
I learned that
4:26
when all this was going down and you were one of the people who were saying, what?
4:30
What can I do for you? How can I help you?
4:31
And I was like, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know,
4:35
and I didn't like giving people that answer.
4:37
But I realized the reason why I didn't know is because what I needed,
4:41
nobody could give me, what I needed was to feel safe.
4:45
What I needed was to to know that I wasn't going to lose my job.
4:49
I ended up losing that.
4:50
That job, as you know.
4:51
So what I needed, nobody could give me.
4:54
And I had to rely on allowing
4:57
the community and my friends to hold me up
5:00
because I'm usually the person doing that, doing that.
5:03
So to be in the other C, C, c, since I transitioned
5:07
21 years ago, 20 years ago, I've always been
5:12
the person that held other people off, and I never put myself first.
5:16
And I learned that I need to put myself first.
5:18
And that's been the hardest.
5:21
I remember because you worked a lot with children
5:24
and I remember you getting some pretty meaningful texts.
5:28
Do you remember. Right.
5:29
So from, from youth who you would never have thought would reach out to you.
5:34
So what happened to you, showed
5:38
you not only obviously
5:41
to those of us that are your friends and are in your life, what?
5:44
What you mean to us, but can you talk a little bit about a few of those texts
5:48
from youth who you worked with, like they got on the the wagon with this?
5:53
What did they say to you?
5:55
You know, there was one.
5:57
That was a hard question.
5:59
It's very emotional for me.
6:01
But there was one in particular that I had had my heart was like a name.
6:08
Yeah.
6:09
But I sat with this child and say
6:12
I been working with him and trying to support him since he was six.
6:17
He's now 18, and he wanted to take care of me
6:21
so that that, to me, was full circle.
6:25
Yeah.
6:26
Just like the outpouring of even families
6:29
and people trying to financially help me.
6:34
It's very overwhelming for me to receive that.
6:37
But I do feel it, and I appreciate everything that everybody has done.
6:40
But when the kids started reaching out, it's a whole other.
6:43
Yeah, it hits my heart in a different way, as you can see.
6:46
Oh, absolutely.
6:47
These are kids that you've made a difference literally in their lives,
6:50
right.
6:51
And I'm pretty confident their parents didn't say, hey,
6:54
you know, would you reach out to Tony?
6:55
They did this on their own, which is incredible for kids.
6:59
So you and I talked a lot about what we were going to do, what we were.
7:04
You know, we both missed doing, our podcast, and we talked about what
7:09
what what did we think was going to be the next thing for us?
7:13
Tony and Sarah,
7:15
unscripted is what we came up with.
7:19
If you can talk a little bit and.
7:21
No, I know, I know. And do you know why?
7:24
That's how I am, though.
7:25
I didn't put myself first.
7:27
I said to you. No, but no, no, no, no.
7:30
But I said to you, Tony and Sarah, it's just sounded better.
7:34
But also, I would like to talk about what it means to me to do this.
7:39
But first I'd like to ask you that. Like why?
7:42
Why did we why do you think that that this was a good thing for us to do.
7:45
Tony and Sarah, unscripted.
7:46
Yeah. Because I don't want to be scripted.
7:48
Even though I'm scripted to. Yeah.
7:50
I just think we got so much out of that.
7:54
Like, I get so much out of helping my community.
7:58
That's all I've done since I transitioned.
8:01
I've helped other people.
8:02
I get like when I'm learning something like how to heal through this.
8:07
I'm saying, okay, I'm going to use this tool.
8:08
But after I'm done with this, I'm going to share it with other people.
8:12
So I think, like this podcast is I want to bring joy to people in their lives.
8:16
And we're not saying that it's going to be all laughs and stuff like that,
8:19
but certainly it's not going to be just hard.
8:24
Right. Right.
8:25
You know.
8:25
Yeah, I think so too.
8:27
I think that, there's so many stories out there
8:30
that I wanted to bring to our podcast as well.
8:34
You and I
8:35
talked about how going from where you were and,
8:39
where I was not so long ago with my son to
8:44
to finding the strength and courage to continue on and,
8:48
you know, move on and find joy still in life and how you do that.
8:53
And it brings so many people to my mind who have gone through
8:57
some very, very difficult things and have managed to come out of it.
9:01
Stronger and actually doing,
9:06
doing meaningful, work in this world based upon things that they've dealt with.
9:11
And I think it's so important because we're all going through
9:14
such difficult times.
9:15
To have people on who can kind of
9:18
say their story and say, all right, this happened to me.
9:22
And it was dreadful. It was awful. It was terrible.
9:25
But this is how I get out of it, and this is what I got from it.
9:28
Our lives are often.
9:31
Well, there are unscripted, right?
9:32
Our lives are unscripted.
9:34
We think we know what's going to happen.
9:37
We think we know where we're going with our lives.
9:39
We think, you know what our children are going to be like.
9:42
And then just in a second, everything can change.
9:46
Yeah.
9:46
Like the the what I'm working on now because, you know, I, I've been healing in
9:51
chunks like, I, I just been trying to heal in a way that I'm not over.
9:57
I'm being kind to myself.
9:59
And that's really important.
10:01
Like, I'm not trying to look back and rewrite
10:05
my my past, like, you know why?
10:07
Like what?
10:08
What happened?
10:08
Why is and go goes through every single conversation
10:12
that I had with people prior to this event happening in my life.
10:15
Yeah. And that's during the whole,
10:19
you know, the heart of it when I wasn't in the state and I was,
10:21
you know, navigating, what the hell am I going to do with my life?
10:24
That's that's the hardest thing is how do I show off this?
10:28
I was always present with my community
10:31
at events at, you know, up at the Capitol.
10:34
I was always somebody who was asked to speak.
10:36
And and I brought a positivity vibe to those spaces.
10:42
I don't feel I do that anymore.
10:43
I can I haven't showed up.
10:45
I feel that my presence isn't going to help my community.
10:49
And it was never about, oh, look, I'm on camera.
10:52
Oh, look, they're asking me. It wasn't ever about me.
10:55
It was always about the kids.
10:56
It was always about the families
10:57
trying to make their lives a little bit easier, navigating through what I'll call
11:02
right now, this massive shit show that I'm trying to navigate through.
11:07
So I need to show up in a different way.
11:09
It's going to look different.
11:10
But I'm, I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to where I want to be.
11:16
And this podcast is absolutely part of it.
11:19
Yeah.
11:20
You just said though that you don't think that your community wants you to
11:24
their right to these things.
11:25
They don't want me there,
11:26
but I don't I don't think I, I my life will never be the same.
11:29
I know after what happened, but you showing up in these spaces
11:34
because everybody knows that what happened to you was wrong,
11:37
that you were wronged in all different facets of your life.
11:40
You showing up in those spaces again shows resilience, right?
11:44
It shows.
11:45
Yeah, I went through like an awful episode, but,
11:49
I'm here, I'm back, I'm staying.
11:51
So it's not.
11:53
If anything, it just shows your strength.
11:56
It's when you are ready to do that, though, and I've watched.
12:00
Listen, you and I don't know each other that long,
12:02
but we got close very fast,
12:05
and I've watched a shift in you over the past
12:09
8 or 9 months, and I'm beginning to see you going back.
12:13
But as as your friend, it was heartbreaking to watch
12:16
what you were going through and to, to, to to see the shell
12:21
of the Tony that I had known before.
12:24
I see you rebuilding that. Right.
12:26
I see that shell coming back,
12:27
and I know it's going to take time, but I'm really, really proud of you.
12:31
And know you got to remember that your whole community is around you
12:36
and not only your community, but like when I tell people
12:39
that my my friends who are not part of the community,
12:42
they can't because they listen to our podcast,
12:45
they are blown away about what's happened to you, blown away.
12:49
And it makes you realize the power of social media, right?
12:53
The power of I.
12:56
Right.
12:56
The power of, taking a video and and falsifying it, which is exactly
13:02
which is exactly what happened with, you know, what's funny or that's not what
13:08
bothered me.
13:10
It's losing my job that bothered me.
13:12
No, no, no at all.
13:14
But that is real.
13:16
The betrayal.
13:18
And even still, like people in my community that I thought
13:21
would always have my back, not, you know, so, you know,
13:27
like I said, like I'm starting to heal, you know, and I always think that God
13:31
and the universe, because I believe in both, like I have guides
13:34
and I believe in God and they're giving me these little bits of
13:40
information that is reminding me
13:43
of who I was and how I know what I'm doing.
13:47
Yeah.
13:47
The other night, I got a text message from a psychiatrist that I used to work
13:50
with, at Yale, but he has moved on.
13:54
Doesn't live in the state anymore.
13:56
And he called me to ask me for advice
13:59
on a client that he was working with.
14:02
And I just was like, yes, sure.
14:04
And I mean, why you don't say that? I'd say this, don't do this, do that.
14:06
And he was like, oh my God, never even thought of it.
14:08
So I do have experience.
14:11
And I can I can still help.
14:12
I might not be as loud as I used to be or as visible as I used to be,
14:17
but you know, sometimes behind the scenes or like a podcast
14:21
or like holding wellness retreats, which I'm really digging into,
14:25
will still help my community because that's all I ever want to do.
14:30
Yeah, I want to be a help and a positive, person.
14:34
Not any anyone who can bring them any harm,
14:38
even if it's not my fault, like you know.
14:41
Right, right.
14:41
No, I understand that.
14:43
I understand that.
14:46
So we wanted to shift everything to towards
14:49
not always joy and resilience, but we did want some positive stories, right?
14:55
Some see pigeonholes.
14:57
Right? Right.
14:57
And we also, wanted to be able to have some funny stories
15:02
together about just day to day life, right?
15:06
Things that happen, to us individually.
15:11
And then when you talk about them, people are like, oh, yeah, that happened to me.
15:15
And, you know, this and that.
15:16
So we wanted to just kind of kind of just make it
15:19
a sort of fun
15:22
half hour or so with us, you know,
15:27
when you
15:28
so, so you have shifted in what you now do.
15:33
Yeah.
15:33
I you because you offer I support groups anymore.
15:38
I, you know, hand them off to a wonderful organization.
15:41
Yeah. It's not like I just stopped doing them.
15:43
I handed them off to the only person
15:47
that I would trust was, like, they're like my family.
15:50
The the
15:51
the the when when somebody joined my group,
15:53
it was like they were coming into a family. Yeah.
15:55
And I'm very, very, mindful
15:58
of making sure that people are in good hands. Yes.
16:02
So, yeah.
16:02
So that I'm not doing anymore and I miss I miss the,
16:06
the conversations with parents like that's what I miss.
16:09
It's like you and I, that's how we met.
16:12
And I miss that.
16:13
Hey you know don't worry about it.
16:14
You know like you got this or whatever.
16:17
So I, I am thinking about no promises opening up my coaching practice again.
16:22
You know I'm a certified life
16:23
coach and offering, you know, coaching for parents
16:26
and caregivers of trans and non-binary kids.
16:28
Yeah, that would be really good.
16:30
I think I'm thinking about it.
16:32
But the other thing I was trying to get to is you do do,
16:35
you call it something different now workshops that you do
16:40
overcoming like, yeah, I'm sitting in the crisis. Yes.
16:44
That's what I kind of was trying to get to
16:45
because can you just talk a little bit about that?
16:47
Because I think so many people can resonate with that. Yeah.
16:50
So we're in crisis and we're going to be in crisis
16:53
when it comes to being trans and non-binary kids,
16:55
not accessing getting the health care that they need.
16:58
So we have to prepare educators
17:03
and health providers to be able to sit in this space
17:06
when a kid that's in crisis,
17:07
because they're not going to just keep it in their house.
17:09
Yeah.
17:09
I mean I can't imagine and a lot of people say, well, what do you mean?
17:12
I can't imagine as a trans man, when I was younger,
17:15
if I was on testosterone or I had puberty delaying medication,
17:22
if that was
17:22
taken away from me and then my body started
17:26
morphing into a body that I don't want.
17:29
What is that going to do to these children psychologically?
17:33
I know back 20 years ago when I started this work,
17:36
there wasn't there wasn't like
17:38
it is now that people are telling them they can't have their care,
17:40
but there wasn't enough people doing it, right.
17:43
So we're not it's not the same thing.
17:45
It's not the same thing as it was 20 years ago or 20 years ago.
17:48
You didn't have it, haven't we? Didn't have rights.
17:49
And now you're taking the rights away. Right.
17:51
It's it's a totally different vibe, but.
17:54
So we need to prepare for this.
17:56
We need to prepare because we know, unfortunately,
17:58
self-harm, suicidal ideation will probably skyrocket.
18:02
So how do we prepare these hospitals, especially the hospitals that have ended?
18:06
Care to now take care of the kids that are coming through their psych units?
18:11
Institutional betrayal is real.
18:15
So I developed right away.
18:16
As soon as this all started going down,
18:18
I was like, okay, so I have two workshops and, you know, I'm offering
18:22
and I'm saying if people would buy, you know, I'll go in and train them.
18:26
And also at the end of these, I'm talking to the providers and to the educators.
18:31
How do you take care of yourself.
18:32
Like we need to do self-care.
18:35
You need to be able to leave that shift
18:38
or leave the school and keep some stuff behind.
18:42
You can't bring it with you.
18:44
The other thing I also
18:46
think it's so important to do is to find the good.
18:50
And I think sometimes it's harder and harder to do that.
18:54
If I can just talk briefly about what I went through over the past few months.
18:58
Well, yeah, of course, because,
19:03
as you know, my youngest out of nowhere, had,
19:07
a massive brain bleed that was caused from what they call an AVM stroke.
19:11
So he was born with this ulterior venous
19:14
malformation in his brain, which nobody would know about.
19:17
Unless he unless they caught it in a CT scan or MRI, or
19:21
he had some sort of symptoms of it, which he didn't, so it ruptured.
19:25
We went through two and a half weeks in the ICU,
19:27
followed by two weeks at Gaylord for rehab.
19:30
He still has rehab.
19:31
He still has, half a skull to put back in.
19:35
He still has, radiation to do all this thing in front of him, in front of him.
19:39
And in a in a time when my world was literally falling apart around me.
19:46
The community where I live, which is Guilford,
19:49
stepped up in a way that I couldn't imagine.
19:54
And I saw so much good within not only that town.
20:01
Right.
20:03
All of the churches around that green, and I and I actually sent a letter
20:07
and letter, letter to the editor for our local paper talking about this,
20:13
because it's so important that we talk about
20:15
some of the positive stuff that you see happen.
20:18
And, we have 3
20:21
or 4 churches around our green that are all different denominations.
20:24
And every single one of them was praying for my child in a different way.
20:29
And then up in Hartford, at their place up in Hartford,
20:33
they were also praying for my child.
20:36
I have family in Ireland.
20:37
They were praying for my child.
20:39
My mother in law and father in law live in North Haven and had gone
20:42
to a bunch of different churches and so, so
20:47
what I wrote in
20:49
the letter to the editor was that it didn't matter
20:53
who was Catholic, who was Presbyterian, who was Jewish, who was,
20:58
Christian Science, who was Republican, who was Democrat, who was independent.
21:04
Every single one of them
21:06
came together for the same purpose for my family.
21:10
And it meant so much to me.
21:13
And it was so quick for me to say, look, this is the good.
21:17
Like this.
21:18
I try to remind people, particularly my son, my youngest,
21:21
who obviously is transgender, has been going through all that,
21:26
then was hit with this thing where his life was abruptly changed.
21:31
He questioned sometimes,
21:33
what the hell, you know, where is the good, where is this and that?
21:36
And I try to remind him of all this.
21:40
There is a lot of good in this world.
21:42
There really is.
21:43
The problem is, it's not news enough.
21:46
Worthy, right?
21:47
So you get all the negative stuff constantly.
21:50
You get all the terrible stuff that's happening,
21:52
and it comes on your feet and it comes on your TV
21:55
and it comes up on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and everywhere
21:59
that you're just bombarded with all this negative, horrible stuff that's happening.
22:04
It's hard sometimes to find the good stuff, but it's there.
22:08
I know there's got because my stories just from Little Guilford, Connecticut,
22:12
there was other stuff that happened.
22:14
One of my friend's child ended up in the same ICU around the same time,
22:19
and she also got support
22:22
from family and friends, in Guilford and beyond.
22:25
And then there was another thing that happened
22:27
not that long ago with a family whose mother ended up in the hospital.
22:31
Nobody knew why or what happened to her, and the tremendous amount of support
22:35
that came from the community.
22:38
When people are needed,
22:40
they show up, and we would hope that, and I love that.
22:43
It was an I remember
22:45
it was like it was yesterday when I got that text from the
22:47
that he camera was being rushed to the hospital.
22:49
Yeah, it was terrible.
22:51
And I'm glad that people showed up because you
22:54
you are always the first person to show up for others.
22:57
But I would just hope and wish that people would show up when they're not needed.
23:01
I just want to say that it was just like, you know, like
23:03
just walking the street and just a smile to someone.
23:07
If somebody's sitting alone, I always make it a point
23:10
just to look at them and say, hey, how's it going?
23:12
Yeah, smile at them.
23:13
You know, I mean, they you might be the only person who did that
23:17
that day for them. We don't know people's stories.
23:19
Suffering is invisible.
23:20
And I saw that all the time.
23:22
When I'm training you can have a student, you can have a kid
23:24
standing in front of you with a smile on their face as big as day.
23:27
Right.
23:28
But they're still, they're dying inside.
23:31
Right.
23:31
That's why we have to start the conversations with people.
23:34
Robin Williams is a prime example of that.
23:36
Like literally that shook me. Yes.
23:39
And and I've never been a, you know, a huge, like,
23:44
girl fan of anybody, right?
23:46
Or, you know, but I remember being in Ireland
23:49
and I was visiting my mother when that news came out of him,
23:53
and I don't know him from a hole in the wall right.
23:55
I just know him from watching him on TV and movies as I was growing up,
23:59
but always watching him as a happy guy and thinking that, right?
24:05
That he must have had this amazing life,
24:09
and to see that that wasn't the case like that really stops
24:12
people in their tracks to say, you don't as you say,
24:14
you don't know what people are going through.
24:16
You have no idea what their lives are like.
24:17
I think with social media now and everybody's
24:20
yes, you know, everybody's having such a great life on,
24:23
you know, Facebook or Instagram or wherever you, you know, connect to.
24:28
But the reality of it is that's not true. Right?
24:30
So when people are going through stuff like I was going through
24:33
and I'm looking at them, well, I actually dropped off social media,
24:35
but I was like, I remember just walking or being in a space
24:39
and looking around saying, God, I wish I can be as happy as them.
24:44
Why am I going like it was a victim energy there for a while?
24:48
Yeah. I'm like, why did this happen to me?
24:50
And you know, why can't my life just be like it was an hour ago?
24:56
You know what I mean?
24:56
So yeah, I think I would love to see people just show up,
25:01
when you don't, and and so that 100%.
25:05
And that's what I was going to say. Right.
25:06
People are there when needed, but
25:09
we need to do more than that.
25:11
A funny thing, that funny thing, something that Cameron said
25:14
that just resonated with me was that
25:18
he got to see how much he was loved
25:23
by so many people,
25:26
something like that, that you
25:27
typically only see when somebody dies.
25:31
Yeah.
25:31
And he got to experience and it and still be alive.
25:35
And there's a lesson behind that though, right.
25:38
Like we need to show people that
25:41
what they mean to us, how much we love them, that we're here for them
25:45
when they're here on earth, right when they're still with us.
25:50
But he did. He got to experience that.
25:51
And that was that was pretty cool.
25:53
But it got me really thinking of like, well, what? Hold on.
25:55
You know,
25:56
I want people in my life to know how much they mean to me and how much I love them.
25:59
And while they're still alive, while they're still with us.
26:05
Yeah. And you have to ask for what you need.
26:07
Like there was I think it was like two months ago, I was really in a dark place
26:11
and I posted on Facebook and if I, you know,
26:14
if I've helped you or if I've made you smile
26:16
or if there's something positive, I forgot what the post was.
26:18
Yeah, let me know.
26:20
300 and something media comments.
26:23
And I'm like, what?
26:24
Like and you know, some people say all social media that's
26:27
you know, you live for the likes. I don't live for the likes.
26:29
But when I need em, I was, you know,
26:32
I still teeter totter out of dark places, but I'm really getting much more.
26:37
But like the darkness is, is not as dark as it used to be.
26:40
It doesn't show up as much.
26:41
Yeah, only when I'm, like, triggered with something.
26:44
But what I need my community to say.
26:46
Okay, Tony you are. You did help. You are.
26:49
You know, you're not a jerk. You're not.
26:51
You're not forgotten,
26:53
you know.
26:54
Yeah.
26:54
So my memoir, you know, came out late last year, and, you know, late the year
27:00
before it was in November of 2020 for I think it came out.
27:03
I don't even know when it came out, to be honest.
27:05
But I've been through a lot.
27:07
Yeah. My wife and I've overcome a lot in my life.
27:09
Yeah.
27:10
This is, this past seven months is. Wow.
27:14
Kind of.
27:15
Why do you think that is?
27:17
Because I was hit at my core.
27:20
What?
27:20
I my true belief, like
27:24
not to get into detail,
27:26
but I said I thought I was saving the life of a 12 year old kid.
27:29
Right. And the kid ends up being an actor.
27:32
Ouch.
27:34
That is
27:36
beyond betrayal of everything that I've ever believed in.
27:40
I mean, I know, like I said at the beginning, I know how to save a kid's life
27:44
and I wish I didn't have to say, you know, have to say that.
27:47
But the truth is, how long does it take you?
27:49
Did it take you?
27:51
Are you still working on untrusting?
27:53
I don't trust anybody. Yeah.
27:57
No, I'm really having a hard time.
28:00
Like, even when I'm out to dinner
28:03
and somebody looks at me just a little to them.
28:06
Yeah. I'm like, oh, boy, did they.
28:08
Are they part of.
28:09
Are they part of it or did they see it?
28:11
Do they know who I am?
28:13
Am I safe?
28:14
So that's, going to take a while.
28:16
I've talked to people that this happened to,
28:19
and they said that it's takes at least six months to a year
28:23
to kind of get your feet back under, which is I see what's happening.
28:28
Right where at that you said eight month mark where it will happen in June.
28:32
Yeah.
28:33
Where you're beginning to
28:35
come out from under it.
28:37
But it has to be at your pace and time.
28:40
And listen, you know me, I knew I didn't stop.
28:42
I worked 24 over seven. Yeah.
28:44
And then all of a sudden, boom, I was done.
28:46
Like you're not working again.
28:48
You can't do what you were doing because it's not safe, you know?
28:53
You know it.
28:54
It's really it.
28:55
It's, it amazes me how
28:59
people who
29:00
don't know me or people judge people.
29:03
Listen, you know, I remember I remember years ago this kind of funny story.
29:07
Drew, drew, my best friend drew, and I went to, we were asked to go
29:12
to, Arizona to speak at some let's Get Together conference.
29:17
It was all these social workers and therapists in the audience.
29:19
I never felt so supported in my.
29:22
It's a good place to be.
29:23
Yeah, yeah.
29:24
So we said, let's make a trip out of it.
29:26
So from there, we drove to the Grand Canyon
29:28
and he was like, oh, let's go watch a sunset somewhere.
29:30
So we rented a convertible, right?
29:32
So we're sitting on the back
29:33
of the convertible and, you know, we're listening to meditation music.
29:37
We're waiting for the sun to set, and we're judging every single frickin
29:41
by that car.
29:42
Okay? And I'm like, really?
29:45
As as I stopped for my.
29:46
Yeah, realize what we're doing. Do you.
29:49
Are you listening to us?
29:50
So I've been there. Yeah.
29:52
But in all seriousness, it's like, you know, don't don't judge anybody from,
29:58
like, social media, what you see or know me, I'm not a bad person.
30:03
I really try to do the best I can, and that's my whole thing.
30:06
When I wake up in the morning, I do a meditation and I.
30:08
And I say to myself, just be the best person you can be today.
30:11
Be kind to yourself.
30:13
Be kind to yourself.
30:14
And this is not your life's not over this stuff.
30:17
What happened is not going to define me
30:20
now, you know.
30:21
And I'm not going to try to rewrite my past
30:23
and I'm not going to try to force relationships.
30:25
And here's the biggest thing right now.
30:27
You got me on what is a big thing.
30:29
I will not make excuses for other people's behaviors,
30:32
especially if they're a good yeah, match your energy.
30:37
And if your energy is towards me is not a good energy,
30:40
I'm not going to send it back to you.
30:42
But I'm definitely not going to be in your bubble.
30:43
You're not going to be in my bubble. Yeah. And again, my bubble.
30:46
Oh I know. Yes. It's a fun place to be.
30:48
I remember I remember, just before we begin
30:52
to, finish up,
30:55
the best friend thing, I just have to mention this
30:57
because I always think it's so funny
30:58
when people say, and I have a I have a best friend as well. Yeah.
31:01
Her name is Lynn. But
31:05
she, I've known her forever.
31:07
Like, we've been so close since we were freshman in high school.
31:10
But any time people say to me or people talk
31:13
and they talk about the best friend, it always makes me think that
31:17
that spot in their life is taken, right?
31:20
Like so.
31:22
Drew is Tony's best friend.
31:23
So if you were hoping to become Tony's best friend,
31:27
you got to get rid of drew in order for that to happen.
31:30
Oh, BFF yeah, we I don't know what,
31:35
what I would do without him, if we laughed.
31:39
I mean, I could be, like, at my lowest,
31:41
and then he'll say something to make me laugh.
31:42
Well, I think that at some point we need to have drew on here,
31:45
because I would love to just be able to talk to you,
31:47
the two of you,
31:48
and get some good stories from drew, because I'm sure that he has
31:51
some really good stories.
31:53
Yeah, yeah, listen, it was so good to be back here with you, honestly.
31:57
And, the space, you know, not for anything direct.
32:01
Oh, yeah.
32:02
Amazing. Amazing place through it.
32:04
I mean, really, let's just take a second.
32:08
David, you reached out to me.
32:09
David. I'm, this is unscripted.
32:11
He's sitting in the room here.
32:13
You reached out to me.
32:14
The day after all this happened, and that meant so much to me.
32:18
You supported us through everything.
32:20
So kudos to you and Steph for being there for us.
32:24
Yeah.
32:24
Yeah, we really, really do.
32:26
And we're looking forward to,
32:28
doing so many more episodes together, getting some people in here.
32:31
And then sometimes it's just going to be you and I shooting the shit.
32:33
That's right.
32:35
And talking about my mother sometimes.
32:36
Love at camp.
32:38
You can't wait for that.
32:41
Thanks, everyone. Have a great day.
32:43
Bye bye.