Latest / Presented by Speaking Human / With Further Ado Episode #17: The Archbishop's Emergency Trampoline Permit

Transcript

With Further Ado Episode #17: The Archbishop's Emergency Trampoline Permit · Presented by Speaking Human

0:00
Speaker 1: Tell me if this sounds familiar.
0:02
Speaker 2: You're listening to a podcast, attending a presentation, or watching
0:07
Speaker 2: a live stream, and after a whole bunch of chatter,
0:10
Speaker 2: the hosts finally get around to the reason for the
0:13
Speaker 2: whole shebang, saying without further ado, it happens all the
0:19
Speaker 2: time at almost every event going back to the beginning
0:23
Speaker 2: of recorded history. But what happens at the host never
0:27
Speaker 2: actually get to the main attraction. What if the whole
0:31
Speaker 2: thing were just the ado? This is that show.
0:50
Speaker 3: Chat? Yeah, I come bearing gifts of random facts. Love
0:58
Speaker 3: random facts, so random fact? Did you know? The modern
1:05
Speaker 3: trampoline was developed in the thirties by George Nisson and
1:10
Speaker 3: Larry Griswold. Not to be confused with Clark, but it's
1:14
Speaker 3: inspired partly by circus safety nets. So technically trampolines were
1:22
Speaker 3: just a way to help humans fall better. But it's
1:25
Speaker 3: a perfect metaphor for this show, because we're not here
1:29
Speaker 3: to avoid bad ideas, We're here to bounce them off
1:33
Speaker 3: of each other.
1:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're making safety nets into trampolines, something useful into
1:40
Speaker 1: something eah somewhat useful.
1:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you think it's weird that trampoline like parks?
1:48
Speaker 3: Not parks per se, but like those trampoline like places
1:51
Speaker 3: where you go and your kids.
1:53
Speaker 1: Play, they jump around.
1:55
Speaker 3: I just think it's kind of weird, as like it's
1:57
Speaker 3: supposed to be a place of fun, but it's like
1:59
Speaker 3: really one of the only places where you begin the
2:03
Speaker 3: experience by signing it away your rights, the waiver, the
2:07
Speaker 3: waiver of death usually or dismemberment.
2:11
Speaker 1: It's usually a bad sign. I feel like we go
2:13
Speaker 1: to all sorts of things with kids where they're like,
2:15
Speaker 1: sign this waiver.
2:17
Speaker 3: But trampolines, it's they're just inherently dangerous. People get trampolines
2:22
Speaker 3: for their yards, but their insurance rates go up. That
2:25
Speaker 3: should tell you something. There's a lot of people getting hurt.
2:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you're jumping real high, chances are you're gonna
2:32
Speaker 1: fall real low. Now, when they invented these, were they
2:36
Speaker 1: invented just for fun and entertainment or were they invented
2:39
Speaker 1: for like exercise. Did they have a purpose or were
2:42
Speaker 1: they just like people want to jump?
2:44
Speaker 3: So I was looking it up. The early version wasn't
2:47
Speaker 3: even called a trampoline. It was called a tumbling device. Again,
2:50
Speaker 3: going back to this idea of a circus.
2:53
Speaker 1: I also look something up the you know, modern trampoline
2:58
Speaker 1: created as a training app ratus to help gymnasts practice
3:03
Speaker 1: mid air flips and acrobatics. So it was kind of
3:06
Speaker 1: had a point besides like hey, let's.
3:09
Speaker 3: Just jump like anything else. It has that sort of
3:11
Speaker 3: evolution of like it has a specific purpose. But then
3:14
Speaker 3: people start doing it as a recreational thing. You get it,
3:17
Speaker 3: you put it in your backyard, and to this point
3:20
Speaker 3: now where people have like the big nets around them. Yeah,
3:24
Speaker 3: that was a fairly modern invention. I remember when we
3:27
Speaker 3: were kids, they didn't have that.
3:29
Speaker 1: The one in Ferris Bueller's Day often have that.
3:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, the one in was it Final Destination that didn't
3:37
Speaker 3: have that.
3:38
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it could have everything could have been prevented.
3:41
Speaker 1: Probably as we're talking about that, you know, in the
3:43
Speaker 1: net that goes around it. Probably a lot of people
3:45
Speaker 1: have died on trampolines.
3:47
Speaker 3: I bet you there's some statistic out there. I'm actually
3:51
Speaker 3: kind of curious how to look that up.
3:52
Speaker 1: I feel like it's going to be like, as of
3:55
Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, one million people have died on trampolines.
4:00
Speaker 2: Oh.
4:01
Speaker 3: At least twenty two trampoline related deaths were reported to
4:07
Speaker 3: the US Consumer Product Safety Commission over the ten year
4:11
Speaker 3: period from two thousand and two thousand and nine, which
4:14
Speaker 3: averages a little over two deaths per year. The known
4:18
Speaker 3: victims ranged in age from three to forty three, with
4:22
Speaker 3: several being teenagers. Of course, Yeah, I don't mean to
4:27
Speaker 3: laugh at that, by the way. No, for context, though,
4:30
Speaker 3: the death count is low compared with just general injuries,
4:35
Speaker 3: which they estimate to be one hundred and four one
4:38
Speaker 3: hundred and four thousand in twenty fourteen.
4:42
Speaker 1: One hundred and four thousand trampoline injuries.
4:45
Speaker 3: Yes, emergency room treated trampoline injuries.
4:49
Speaker 1: See that, I believe I if you went like how
4:52
Speaker 1: many people have broke a leg on a trampoline or
4:54
Speaker 1: something like that, that's probably an astronomical number.
4:56
Speaker 3: Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons data estimated more than three hundred
5:02
Speaker 3: thousand medically treated trampoline injuries in twenty eighteen, including more
5:07
Speaker 3: than one hundred and ten thousand er visits.
5:10
Speaker 1: And this is the safer period of trampolines.
5:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, it definitely it's not a safe recreational device.
5:19
Speaker 1: No, some would even say trampolines and like almost like
5:23
Speaker 1: a crime scene.
5:26
Speaker 2: Creative crime, saying I do believe there's been a murdey.
5:32
Speaker 3: I'll say, great segment transition, Chad, good job with that,
5:39
Speaker 3: per always right, as per your contract with Speaking Human.
5:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's like one good segue per year, Yeah,
5:49
Speaker 1: per calendar year. Give me that bonus.
5:52
Speaker 3: You're checking off the boxes. It's the important thing, all right.
5:55
Speaker 3: So creative crime scene, this is where we expose the
5:58
Speaker 3: everyday crime perpetuated by brands. So we're each going to
6:02
Speaker 3: fill out that this is this is loose everyone, just
6:06
Speaker 3: so you know, all right, they all yeah, you know,
6:09
Speaker 3: I mean this is with further ado.
6:11
Speaker 1: We're getting looser too.
6:12
Speaker 3: They're getting looser as we go. Mm hm. So we're
6:14
Speaker 3: going to fill out a police blodder for a marketing campaign,
6:18
Speaker 3: new or old, it doesn't really matter.
6:20
Speaker 1: Do we actually know what a police blotter is? Looks like, No,
6:25
Speaker 1: No we don't.
6:25
Speaker 3: Okay, I don't even know what a police blotterer sounds like,
6:29
Speaker 3: I don't even.
6:30
Speaker 1: Know what a blotter is.
6:32
Speaker 3: I like that we used police blotter because neither of
6:40
Speaker 3: us know and we didn't even care to look it up.
6:43
Speaker 3: You know.
6:44
Speaker 1: No, no, we're not doing the work on this show,
6:48
Speaker 1: all right.
6:49
Speaker 3: So what do you got? What do you got for this.
6:52
Speaker 3: You want to go first? Do you want me to
6:53
Speaker 3: go first?
6:54
Speaker 1: I mean I can go first. I was trying to
6:57
Speaker 1: think of something.
6:58
Speaker 2: What's it?
6:59
Speaker 1: What's a brand can pain that's really up in it?
7:02
Speaker 1: You know everybody knows about it. It's high profile criminal,
7:05
Speaker 1: I would call it. So let me refer to my
7:08
Speaker 1: blodder here the incidents slash crime is reported as aggravated
7:14
Speaker 1: self exposure and the suspect is Spotify rapped. You know them, yes,
7:22
Speaker 1: we all do.
7:23
Speaker 2: Now.
7:23
Speaker 1: The victim here is users who spent all year cultivating
7:28
Speaker 1: a mysterious personality. What's the motive of the suspect. I
7:33
Speaker 1: have viral engagement through targeted embarrassment. Okay, let me refer
7:40
Speaker 1: you to my evidence listed on my blotder listening records
7:43
Speaker 1: indicating four thousand, seven hundred and thirty two minutes of
7:47
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift, an unexpected resurgence of Nickelback, and a concerning
7:52
Speaker 1: amount of music described as Sad.
7:55
Speaker 3: Girl Autumn, Sad Girl Autumn.
7:59
Speaker 1: Sad Girl Autumn. So the charges here, we're going to
8:03
Speaker 1: charge Spotify with first degree over sharing, un lawful disclosure
8:08
Speaker 1: of guilty pleasures, and destruction of personal brand. This is
8:13
Speaker 1: what they've done to people. So those are the charges
8:16
Speaker 1: I've got. That's Spotify rapped in my blodder.
8:23
Speaker 3: I like that they all have a rapped thing. Now,
8:26
Speaker 3: it's not just Spotify, wohild I could.
8:28
Speaker 1: Be the crime too, is making everybody do this thing.
8:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, Apple had one. Any streaming service really could probably
8:36
Speaker 3: do it. But I will say I didn't even know
8:38
Speaker 3: what this was at one point, and then once my
8:41
Speaker 3: kids showed me that, I could see what my whole
8:45
Speaker 3: year look like listening on Apple Music because that's what
8:49
Speaker 3: I use. I was kind of addicted to it for
8:51
Speaker 3: a minute, Like this is crazy. I listened to this
8:54
Speaker 3: this many times. This is my fave. This is my
8:58
Speaker 3: favorite of all time.
8:59
Speaker 1: I don't know if I love it.
9:00
Speaker 3: There's something interesting about the like because it does change,
9:04
Speaker 3: you know, your mood changes. It's almost like, yeah, I
9:07
Speaker 3: could see where I did that a lot this year. Yeah,
9:09
Speaker 3: it's almost like seeing your sleep trackering.
9:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, and how that changes over time.
9:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're kind of like, ooh, and why people
9:17
Speaker 3: get so addicted to that.
9:19
Speaker 1: That's yeah, that's a good point, even though it's kind
9:22
Speaker 1: of useless information.
9:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, like what's that going to do for you? Nothing?
9:26
Speaker 3: Because you can't change anything about it. Like when you
9:29
Speaker 3: lose sleep and people go, well, I'm going to make
9:31
Speaker 3: up that sleep tomorrow night, you can't. It's actually proven
9:35
Speaker 3: you physically cannot make up sleep.
9:37
Speaker 1: What if you're like ned you get more deep sleep?
9:40
Speaker 3: I mean, you can try. There's people out there, I mean,
9:42
Speaker 3: and there's companies out there trying to help you sleep
9:46
Speaker 3: more deeply. You know, there's all kinds of drugs that
9:49
Speaker 3: do it.
9:50
Speaker 1: Sounds like you should have put them on.
9:52
Speaker 3: The blotter, ironically, maybe not ironically. Coincidentally, mine does kind
9:58
Speaker 3: of work in tandem with that.
10:00
Speaker 1: Okay.
10:00
Speaker 3: The suspect is the Aura ring. Oh yeah, and those
10:04
Speaker 3: other rings out there that do the same thing, but
10:08
Speaker 3: specifically branded the Aura ring. And the victim, you know,
10:11
Speaker 3: is anyone who really wakes up one day they're like,
10:14
Speaker 3: I just want to track everything about myself, including my
10:17
Speaker 3: sleeping patterns, and by doing that, I'm going to wear
10:20
Speaker 3: this ring. The motive to turn sleep, recovery, stress, movement, temperature,
10:25
Speaker 3: and basic human existence into a dashboard tracking, analyzing what's
10:32
Speaker 3: the data about my life? The evidence A tiny ring
10:35
Speaker 3: that tracks your body metrics, gives you sleep, activity, and
10:39
Speaker 3: readiness scores and then asks you to pay a membership
10:42
Speaker 3: fee to fully interpret your own biology or a lists
10:45
Speaker 3: it's US membership at five ninety nine a month, believe
10:48
Speaker 3: it or not, or sixty nine dollars a year after
10:51
Speaker 3: the first three months for new members. I wanted that
10:54
Speaker 3: kind of sound a little bit like a pitch charges,
10:58
Speaker 3: first degree readiness shaming, possession of excessive biometrics, unlawful conversion.
11:05
Speaker 3: This sounds just like your unlawful conversion of feelings into scores. Yeah,
11:10
Speaker 3: and subscription based body surveillance. Yeah. I don't know. The
11:14
Speaker 3: or ring is wild to me because it takes something
11:16
Speaker 3: that humans have really done forever. This just adds a
11:20
Speaker 3: report card to that. Now people are worried like, oh,
11:23
Speaker 3: I'm not getting enough sleep. You thought that before you
11:26
Speaker 3: had the ring, you know what I mean. Yeah, Now
11:29
Speaker 3: it's just telling you you didn't have enough sleep.
11:32
Speaker 1: Now you're just paying somebody, Yeah report that back to you.
11:35
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're paying for it. And what's worse is now
11:38
Speaker 3: you have this recorded history of it, so it almost
11:41
Speaker 3: becomes worse to some degree.
11:44
Speaker 1: Yeah. I completely agree, And no knock on people who
11:47
Speaker 1: like to track their sleep. I did this for probably
11:50
Speaker 1: like a year, maybe longer, looking at these like charts
11:53
Speaker 1: and things every day, and then one day I'm like,
11:56
Speaker 1: what the what am I doing with my life? Why
12:00
Speaker 1: am I doing this? Why am I looking? Why am
12:02
Speaker 1: I looking at this every day?
12:04
Speaker 3: Yeah?
12:04
Speaker 1: Where is it getting me? And I stopped, and I
12:07
Speaker 1: swear to God, I've slept so much better ever since.
12:11
Speaker 3: I believe it. I believe it wholeheartedly because so I
12:15
Speaker 3: wear an Apple watch, right, and I do wear it
12:17
Speaker 3: at night, so it does tell me like, oh you
12:19
Speaker 3: got good sleep, you didn't get good sleep. Whatever. It
12:23
Speaker 3: can really mess with you. You're focus more on that
12:26
Speaker 3: thing than just being alive actually, you know what I mean,
12:31
Speaker 3: Like yeah.
12:33
Speaker 1: Or even you could have like a you could wake
12:35
Speaker 1: up and you feel fine, and then the numbers tell
12:38
Speaker 1: you your sleep was not good and you're like, oh
12:41
Speaker 1: my sleep was not good.
12:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, but nothing.
12:44
Speaker 1: In your body tells you that.
12:46
Speaker 3: You might be like a little sluggish or like, I mean,
12:50
Speaker 3: I feel like I could have kind of more sleep
12:51
Speaker 3: last night, but you don't like quantify it, and that's
12:54
Speaker 3: where it gets dangerous. Ice man.
12:57
Speaker 1: And it's interesting we both in our blotterers, we both
13:00
Speaker 1: have these brands who are kind of like taking our
13:02
Speaker 1: own information and selling it back to us or positioning
13:07
Speaker 1: it to sell their services in a way like, you know,
13:11
Speaker 1: look at what we're doing for you.
13:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, let me show you this report about yourself.
13:19
Speaker 1: Let me crunch the numbers on you. Would you give
13:23
Speaker 1: me your monthly subscription fee?
13:25
Speaker 3: Please? Yeah? And that's ultimately what it's always boils down
13:29
Speaker 3: to is let me make that a recurring revenue source
13:34
Speaker 3: for this company.
13:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just because they want to live and they
13:37
Speaker 1: don't want to die. Now we go to the top
13:40
Speaker 1: three or Die. All right, So yeah, we've got Top
13:48
Speaker 1: three or Die an interesting kind of sinister sounding title
13:54
Speaker 1: in which we are each sharing a random top three.
13:57
Speaker 1: You know, this could be anything. We're just getting a topic.
13:59
Speaker 1: We got to come up with the top three. We'll
14:02
Speaker 1: share what that is, and then we're gonna submit our
14:05
Speaker 1: list to the AI, which is going to tell us
14:09
Speaker 1: which one of us live and die or which one
14:12
Speaker 1: of our lists will say live and die. I don't
14:14
Speaker 1: think we have to deliver or die based on what
14:17
Speaker 1: we chose. Kind of scary. Someone is not leaving this
14:21
Speaker 1: segment with their life. So our topic today is the
14:25
Speaker 1: top three foods that look like murderers.
14:28
Speaker 3: I was slightly confused when I saw this, and I
14:31
Speaker 3: was like, okay, okay, I could get into this.
14:34
Speaker 1: What do you find confusing about it?
14:36
Speaker 3: How you came up with that one? Three foods that
14:41
Speaker 3: look like murderers randomly generated?
14:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm trying to think what my alternative was that
14:47
Speaker 1: was close this foods that looked like something else.
14:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, this might be a great segment, long term segment,
14:54
Speaker 3: because when they're weird, it's more fun.
14:56
Speaker 1: I mean, there's a lot of weird possibilities for the
14:59
Speaker 1: top We'll see how it turns out for sure. So
15:03
Speaker 1: do you want to provide your list here of the
15:05
Speaker 1: top three foods that look like murderers?
15:07
Speaker 3: Yeah? So I'll tell you what the top three foods are,
15:11
Speaker 3: but I'm going to give you a description of each
15:13
Speaker 3: one as I go through it. Okay, I don't know
15:16
Speaker 3: if you did that.
15:16
Speaker 1: You got to give a little bit of background on
15:18
Speaker 1: the why, right.
15:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, so my number one lobster. Lobster's got to be
15:24
Speaker 3: on that list. It looks like a murderer, right, one
15:27
Speaker 3: who's already been caught and is somehow still dangerous. It
15:30
Speaker 3: has claws, armor and antenna and the dead eyed confidence
15:34
Speaker 3: is something that would absolutely survive prison. The only reason
15:37
Speaker 3: we call it fancy is because we boil it, butter
15:41
Speaker 3: it and pretend it didn't arrive dressed like a sea criminal.
15:44
Speaker 1: Hmmm, sea criminal.
15:46
Speaker 3: The conclusion here is lobster doesn't look like food. It
15:50
Speaker 3: looks like it was arrested near a dock. Okay. Number
15:54
Speaker 3: two spam ah. In all honesty, though, spam looks more
16:00
Speaker 3: like evidence than it does the murderer themselves. It comes
16:04
Speaker 3: in a metal can, It slides out with the energy
16:08
Speaker 3: of something removed from a crime scene, and it has
16:11
Speaker 3: suspiciously smooth surface to it. You know, it's like a
16:15
Speaker 3: guy who erased his fingerprints, murderous qualities to it. Yeah,
16:20
Speaker 3: and here, you know, like nobody knows exactly what spam
16:23
Speaker 3: has seen, but it's definitely been in a trunk. The
16:26
Speaker 3: bottom line, spam is less meat product and more unidentified
16:30
Speaker 3: object covered by detectives. That goes, yeah, all right. Number
16:34
Speaker 3: three melons, it's gotta be on the list.
16:37
Speaker 1: All melons.
16:38
Speaker 3: Cantalope, what's another melon?
16:41
Speaker 1: Watermelon?
16:42
Speaker 3: Not watermelon? I don't think, I don't know. Sometimes watermelons
16:45
Speaker 3: got it. Honeydew, honeydew. Melons definitely are murderers. They're like
16:50
Speaker 3: the ones who you just never suspected, like the neighbor
16:53
Speaker 3: who you're like, that guy was he was always a
16:55
Speaker 3: nice guy. Murderer. Melons look like murderers because they're just
17:00
Speaker 3: calm for their size, right, Like they're just there's not
17:03
Speaker 3: a lot of flavor to them. Most of the time.
17:05
Speaker 3: They're just like water. Mostly they just sit there, heavy, round,
17:09
Speaker 3: impossible to read like a murderer. Cantalope looks like it
17:13
Speaker 3: has a forged passport. Honeydew is one of those that,
17:17
Speaker 3: like I said, no one suspects. It's just that's what
17:21
Speaker 3: makes it the most dangerous type of murderer. So bottom line,
17:24
Speaker 3: melons are suspicious because anything that heavy and quiet is
17:28
Speaker 3: clearly hiding something.
17:30
Speaker 1: A lot of detail, a lot of thought into it.
17:32
Speaker 1: I have been distracted because ever since you start talking
17:37
Speaker 1: about spam and you talked about it sliding out of
17:39
Speaker 1: a can, that's all I can think about.
17:42
Speaker 3: It's hard not to think about it when you realize
17:45
Speaker 3: that spam is the most like a murderer, Like even
17:49
Speaker 3: the name of it, everything about spam, it's up to something. Yeah,
17:53
Speaker 3: it's like dingy. Some people say it's not even real food.
17:57
Speaker 1: It's a little rubbery.
17:58
Speaker 3: Uh huh, gross makes you feel dirty.
18:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, those are good picks all around. You created a
18:04
Speaker 1: good case for him. Some would say by putting a
18:07
Speaker 1: bunch of melons together, you're you're profiling a little bit.
18:10
Speaker 3: But yeah, I'm stereotyping. Mmmup, like a.
18:16
Speaker 1: Lot of melons out there listening are like, WHOA, that's
18:19
Speaker 1: fine to say it about the honeydoes but me.
18:21
Speaker 3: I mean, some might say, like watermelons, it's just bad seeds.
18:26
Speaker 1: All right, Well here's mine. Just have a little line
18:31
Speaker 1: for each I don't have as much depth of thought
18:35
Speaker 1: as you, but you get the idea. So my number one,
18:38
Speaker 1: I've got asparagus hmmm, a bitter, skinny vegetable that looks
18:45
Speaker 1: like a weapon, ready to stab you in the heart
18:47
Speaker 1: at any moment.
18:49
Speaker 3: This is true.
18:50
Speaker 1: Number two, I've got pepperoni along the same lines of spam,
18:55
Speaker 1: a greasy piece of modeled meat with red speckles so
19:00
Speaker 1: no one notices the blood spatter.
19:03
Speaker 3: Mmm.
19:04
Speaker 1: The red is kind of key on the pepperoni. It's
19:06
Speaker 1: what gives it it's more sinister quality.
19:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true. That's actually a true story.
19:12
Speaker 1: And number three similar to your number three along the
19:15
Speaker 1: same lines. Not similar in terms of food, but similar
19:19
Speaker 1: in why my number three is milk? Oh, milk, Yeah,
19:23
Speaker 1: looks innocent in a way that feels suspicious. Yeah, you know,
19:28
Speaker 1: totally plain just milk over here, nothing to see like
19:32
Speaker 1: you said that, like the guy next door, everybody's like,
19:34
Speaker 1: it's nice, normal. I can't imagine even hurt anybody that's milk.
19:39
Speaker 3: He's a serial killer. Yeah, here's what I love about yours.
19:42
Speaker 3: They all have the ability to kill you or it'll
19:45
Speaker 3: do harm or just be gross. Right. Number one asparagus
19:52
Speaker 3: makes your peace smell funny.
19:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah right.
19:56
Speaker 3: Pepperoni can cause gout, can it? Yeah, because the salty
20:01
Speaker 3: secured meat and salt can do that too. And then
20:04
Speaker 3: milk dairy intolerance, they just you know, make you gassy bloated.
20:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a connection across the board. I didn't even
20:12
Speaker 1: think of. But all yeah can get you negatively though,
20:14
Speaker 1: I guess any food could get you in some way, right.
20:17
Speaker 3: Not quite like those murderous fiends.
20:20
Speaker 1: I quite like this, Yeah, melons, I don't know. Okay,
20:24
Speaker 1: So for our part too, here, we're now going to
20:28
Speaker 1: enter these in to our friends at Ai and let
20:32
Speaker 1: them decide who the winner is here. Okay, first they say,
20:37
Speaker 1: this is exactly the kind of deeply important journalism I
20:41
Speaker 1: live for. Let's break this down properly. Team one lobster spam, melons.
20:47
Speaker 1: Lobster genuinely unsettling beadyi has no visible emotion, weaponized claws,
20:53
Speaker 1: and it screams when you boil it. This is a
20:56
Speaker 1: top tier murderer food spam, a pink, featureless slab that
21:01
Speaker 1: emerges from a can with a thwock. No murderer would
21:04
Speaker 1: have this little personality, which is exactly why it's terrifying. Melons.
21:10
Speaker 1: This is a weak pick. A cantalope looks like a
21:14
Speaker 1: confused grandfather, not a killer. Honeydew looks like it's never
21:20
Speaker 1: had a single thought in its life. This entry is
21:24
Speaker 1: dragging the team down. Wow, Okay. Team two asparagus, Pepperoni milk.
21:35
Speaker 1: Asparagus tall, thin, slightly huned, weirdly intense, the guy at
21:41
Speaker 1: the bar who stands too close and talks about his process,
21:45
Speaker 1: strong unsettling energy. Pepperoni round, greasy, vaguely menacing in a
21:51
Speaker 1: discount mob enforcer way, solid mid tier pick milk. This
21:58
Speaker 1: is either a genius pick or a dis qualification. Milk
22:03
Speaker 1: doesn't look like a murderer. Disqualify it shaming us a
22:08
Speaker 1: little bit. Uh, mirk, Milk doesn't look like a murderer.
22:11
Speaker 1: Milk looks like the victim found spoiled in the fridge.
22:15
Speaker 1: Foul play suspected bold, but I'm not sure it's defensible
22:19
Speaker 1: under the rules of the game.
22:26
Speaker 3: It's shaming you for picking that. I feel like it
22:28
Speaker 3: shamed you.
22:29
Speaker 1: I know, it's really uh, it's really giving us some shit. Uh. Verdict.
22:34
Speaker 1: Team one takes it on the strength of lobster alone.
22:38
Speaker 1: It's the most objectively I Will End You food on
22:42
Speaker 1: either list, and Spam backs it up as the silent
22:46
Speaker 1: psychopath of the air. Silent psychopath like Team two has
22:53
Speaker 1: more consistent creepiness, Asparagus is genuinely inspired. But milk is
22:59
Speaker 1: a swing and a missed that cost them the round.
23:06
Speaker 3: That's so great.
23:07
Speaker 1: Team one wins, So you live, I die. I mean
23:12
Speaker 1: this is that. It's good feedback.
23:15
Speaker 3: It is good feedback. I like the I Will End You.
23:20
Speaker 1: I like the Spam is the silent psychopath.
23:26
Speaker 3: Oh man, you can't make that stuff up. Well, actually
23:29
Speaker 3: you can.
23:30
Speaker 1: I mean clearly they did, really, but it's good, so
23:34
Speaker 1: you live and I die.
23:37
Speaker 3: I think that's a great segment because we come up
23:40
Speaker 3: with these like that one. I never thought that that
23:44
Speaker 3: would have any legs. Yeah, what I mean, I agree,
23:48
Speaker 3: But the absurdness of the topic for today was was
23:51
Speaker 3: what made it great.
23:52
Speaker 1: Sometimes these things turn out better than you think. You know,
23:55
Speaker 1: this is You're like, this is a nothing segment, and
23:58
Speaker 1: then uh something, it's magic comes out of it. Yeah.
24:02
Speaker 3: What did it say about a melon? A honeydew looks
24:05
Speaker 3: like it's never had a thought in its life?
24:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, started off it also said this is a weak pick.
24:15
Speaker 1: It's dragging the team down. Cantaloge looks like a confused grandfather,
24:20
Speaker 1: not a killer. Honeyde looks like it's never had a
24:23
Speaker 1: single thought in its life. Shots fired at honeydew.
24:28
Speaker 3: Those are the scariest ones. The people who I mean,
24:31
Speaker 3: the murderers who never had a thought, you know, they
24:34
Speaker 3: just murder.
24:35
Speaker 1: They have to be more diabolical.
24:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, to make the list for sure. Could this
24:42
Speaker 3: be a segment?
24:45
Speaker 1: Well, here we are again the way we end every episode,
24:49
Speaker 1: which is, you know, could this be a segment where
24:51
Speaker 1: we pitch an idea for a new segment? On the show.
24:54
Speaker 1: This is where the segments you just heard were birthed.
24:59
Speaker 3: Yeah, not or either.
25:01
Speaker 1: No, nothing is born organically on this show.
25:06
Speaker 3: We're not the biological parents of these segments. By the way.
25:09
Speaker 1: Everything is adopted here. So, yeah, you want to go
25:13
Speaker 1: first with your segment or you want me to, Yeah.
25:15
Speaker 3: Go ahead. I'd like to hear what you got there.
25:18
Speaker 1: All right, this one feels familiar. Maybe we've done something
25:23
Speaker 1: like it before, maybe not. I don't know. But the
25:26
Speaker 1: title of it is, either you tell me which one
25:29
Speaker 1: you like better, pick up the tab or close my tab?
25:32
Speaker 3: Pick up the tab you like?
25:34
Speaker 1: Pick up the tab? Yeah, pick up the tab. Pretty
25:38
Speaker 1: simple idea here. We each share an open tab we
25:42
Speaker 1: have on our computers or phones, discuss what led us
25:46
Speaker 1: there and what's keeping it open, and then we talk
25:49
Speaker 1: about what will it take to close it?
25:52
Speaker 3: Huh Okay, I don't know.
25:54
Speaker 1: If you're like me, Between my phone and my computer,
25:57
Speaker 1: there's always at least several tabs open, and sometimes they're
26:01
Speaker 1: open for a while. So just kind of grabbing one
26:04
Speaker 1: of those what is this? What's it doing? Am I
26:07
Speaker 1: ever going to close it? And when? And why?
26:10
Speaker 3: So the idea is that you're just gonna come with
26:14
Speaker 3: the actual, like an actual tab that you have open. Yeah,
26:18
Speaker 3: it's real life, man, And there's three criteria right.
26:22
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, it's like what is it? Why is it open?
26:26
Speaker 1: What's it going to take to close it?
26:28
Speaker 3: Yeah? I like it. I think I think that works.
26:32
Speaker 1: It could it could be a dud. It could be like,
26:35
Speaker 1: you know, here's this tab where I'm looking at erasers,
26:40
Speaker 1: and uh, when I find the right one, I'll close it.
26:44
Speaker 3: I'll tell you right now, I have three browsers open,
26:48
Speaker 3: three different browsers, and I probably have a combination of
26:53
Speaker 3: I can't even count the number of tabs I have
26:55
Speaker 3: open in Chrome. I'd say probably between the three browsers,
26:59
Speaker 3: I have sixty tabs open.
27:03
Speaker 1: Yeah. Probably with my phone and between you know, multiple computers,
27:08
Speaker 1: I have probably somewhere in the same realm.
27:11
Speaker 3: I didn't even think about my phone. Yeah, you maybe
27:14
Speaker 3: close your tab is more accurate to the actual segment,
27:17
Speaker 3: But pick up your tab sounds cooler.
27:19
Speaker 1: Yeah.
27:20
Speaker 3: I think it's also kind of functions as a therapy session.
27:24
Speaker 1: It is sometimes you just need if somebody's like talking
27:26
Speaker 1: to you through like why do you have that open?
27:29
Speaker 1: Do you think it's time to close that? Maybe, Yeah,
27:31
Speaker 1: what do you need to close that tab and move on?
27:34
Speaker 3: Tell me more about how you feel about that tab.
27:37
Speaker 1: Then you'd be like, which which one of these should
27:39
Speaker 1: I buy?
27:40
Speaker 3: Which one do you think you should buy? That's a
27:45
Speaker 3: real therapist right there. Which one do you think you
27:49
Speaker 3: should buy? I like that. I think it has merit.
27:52
Speaker 3: I think it should move on.
27:54
Speaker 1: It could be worth a shot mm hmm, because.
27:56
Speaker 3: There's definitely lots of tabs. So my is called what's
28:01
Speaker 3: in the junk drawer? M So it's where we would
28:05
Speaker 3: each come with three items we believe or in every
28:09
Speaker 3: junk drawer, maybe even our own, and then we argue
28:11
Speaker 3: which one is the most important. Oh, I think it's
28:14
Speaker 3: more interesting when it's something in our own junk drawers,
28:17
Speaker 3: because you know, let's face it, we all have junk
28:20
Speaker 3: drawers and the base. I mean, that's the basic premise.
28:24
Speaker 3: It could be that arbitrary random key that you don't
28:27
Speaker 3: know what it goes to.
28:29
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
28:29
Speaker 3: That could be really important. We don't know is there
28:32
Speaker 3: something suspicious in there? Is there something guaranteed other people
28:37
Speaker 3: don't have in their junk drawers? I think that would
28:39
Speaker 3: be interesting too.
28:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's where I was Like what would also be
28:43
Speaker 1: interesting is like, what's the weirdest thing in your junk drawer?
28:47
Speaker 3: Mm hmm, the most dangerous? Like, you know, have you
28:50
Speaker 3: ever stuck your fingers in the junk drawer and thought
28:52
Speaker 3: I'm gonna stab myself on something.
28:54
Speaker 1: Or you have You're like, ah, I guess there's even
28:57
Speaker 1: multiple if it's like the junk drawer. I don't know
29:01
Speaker 1: what the title could be with the junk draw but
29:03
Speaker 1: you open it up where it becomes different questions about
29:06
Speaker 1: the junk drawer mm exploring different facets of the drunk drawer,
29:11
Speaker 1: you know, Yeah, it could be called opening up the
29:13
Speaker 1: junk drawer?
29:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, what's in the junk drawer? Mm hmm. I mean
29:18
Speaker 3: there's just so much to that, you know what I mean.
29:20
Speaker 3: A great example dead batteries. You always have these batteries.
29:23
Speaker 3: You're not sure are these new batteries that are in
29:26
Speaker 3: this junk drawer.
29:27
Speaker 1: Or these work? Should I try them? Should I throw
29:30
Speaker 1: them away?
29:31
Speaker 3: Yeah? I like the idea of you know, you bring
29:34
Speaker 3: your top three maybe weirdest whatever, and you talk about
29:38
Speaker 3: like which one is the most important? You know, like
29:42
Speaker 3: what is that thing that you just cannot get rid of?
29:44
Speaker 3: You can't throw in the garbage.
29:47
Speaker 1: That's a good idea. That's another gem in the junk drawer.
29:51
Speaker 1: Interesting overlap. Once again, we both kind of came up
29:57
Speaker 1: with things related to the club where we kind of
30:01
Speaker 1: collecting our lives.
30:03
Speaker 3: It's a real human condition. I think, you know, this
30:06
Speaker 3: idea of like we we think we are saving something
30:11
Speaker 3: for some future need. Yeah, right, that never really comes
30:17
Speaker 3: most of the time. It's when need like ten acres
30:21
Speaker 3: of just you know, junk drawers land where you just
30:25
Speaker 3: like of junk drawers. Yeah, you know, if you're if
30:28
Speaker 3: you're driven by, like in rural areas, you know where
30:31
Speaker 3: people have all this land. You just see cars and
30:35
Speaker 3: piled up on the lawn. Yeah, yeah, other stuff that
30:37
Speaker 3: you're just like, what is that? It almost looks like
30:40
Speaker 3: a carnival that you know, there was an explosion. Everything
30:44
Speaker 3: is just like randomly placed. That's a junk drawer.
30:47
Speaker 1: But just that's when you've accepted my property.
30:50
Speaker 2: It is my junk.
30:52
Speaker 3: This is where I live.
30:54
Speaker 2: I