Latest / Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis / 039: Your Next Chapter Requires a New Version of You-Why Becoming Is Often More Uncomfortable Than Starting Over

Transcript

039: Your Next Chapter Requires a New Version of You-Why Becoming Is Often More Uncomfortable Than Starting Over · Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis

• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back to the Limitless Living Podcast.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Frederica Davis, the creator of the Limitless Reset Method.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And every Saturday we talk about identity, purpose, passion, personal growth, and what it really means to create a life that feels aligned with who you are becoming.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to start with a question.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: What if the hardest part of your next chapter isn't figuring out what you want?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: What if the hardest part is allowing yourself to become the woman who can actually receive it?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, hmm, big question.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to think about that one for a minute.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because most of the women I meet don't actually struggle with knowing what they want.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: They struggle with believing they can have it, or actually believing they deserve it, or allowing themselves to be seen as the woman who is capable of creating it.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And seriously, I think, and what I've seen for so many of us is that becoming can be one of the most uncomfortable experiences in life.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Not because we're becoming something we're not, but because we're becoming something we've never allowed ourselves to be before.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So recently while I was in Costa Rica teaching at a women's retreat, I had an experience during one of the retreat sessions that another teacher, facilitator, was leading.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it really, really stayed with me, shaped a lot of things, actually, for me, or reinforced, I should say, as well.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And the details are not as important as the lesson that came from it.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things that I really, really was able to take from this was that so many of us, you know, we spend years trying to get rid of parts of ourselves.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: We try to get rid of the hurt, the trauma, the past things that you might be carrying around.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or we try to heal them, we try to fix them, erase them, we try to hide them and move past them.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we basically pretend they never happened so often.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: But what if the goal isn't to erase those parts?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: So it took me a lot of years to really fully own those parts.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And over the years it's been unfolding for me that, you know, I don't need to erase them.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: I need to own them and I need to realize what a gift they may have been, even though they were not fair, even though I wouldn't have asked for them, even though I might not have deserved them.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: What if the goal, instead of trying to erase all these things, is the goal is actually to transform our relationship with them?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: So what if the heartbreak actually belongs there?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're all thinking, what?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: But what if the disappointment belongs?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Stay with me.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: What if the failures belong?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: What if the mistakes belong?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: What if the grief belongs?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: What if all of those experiences are actually part of the foundation of who you are and who you are becoming?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Not something to hide.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Did you catch all of that?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: There are things that maybe, what if they belong?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: What if we looked at it differently and we believed and we accepted and we acknowledged that they are part of us and they belong to us versus trying to hide them?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: What if they were something to honor?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because every single thing you've survived has given you wisdom.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Every challenge has taught you something.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Every disappointment has shaped you, and every chapter has prepared you as long as you haven't stayed stuck in the bitter.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And yet, many women, many of us, we spend years trying to bury the very experiences that could become our greatest source of strength.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: What if all of those things that you're carrying around that you've been trying to release, trying to heal, trying to fix, trying to get rid of, what if they are actually the very experiences helping you become who you're meant to be?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And they are the source of your strength to do that.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Worked on this a lot over the years.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've had this realization before, but that realization really got deeper, stronger, bigger at this particular retreat in this one session I went through.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it brought me back to a symbol that has become incredibly meaningful to me.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, it has been over the years.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: I've often used the tree of life in my teachings, I've used it in logos, I've used it in all sorts of different things.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the tree is part of my branding.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's part of my message because it's part of how I see growth.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason is really simple.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: The tree does not grow despite its roots.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: It grows because of the roots, right?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: So what if all those past hurts, breaks, traumas, uh disappointments, failures, whatever you want to call them, are your root system.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Part of what has made you who you are.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: And what if that's the whole reason your tree, you yourself, are growing?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, the roots, they live underground.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody sees them.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: They're often really messy, twisted, complicated, right?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Buried.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And yet, without those roots, there is no tree, no growth, no branches, no leaves, no fruit, no shade, no beauty, no home for other creatures, no anything, right?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: The roots make everything else possible.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I'm speaking, you know, metaphorically here, but it's the truth.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is what makes a tree strong.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's the roots in the mud, in the muck, right?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: I think our lives work pretty much the same way.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: The painful parts of your story, the difficult parts, the chapters that you wish had not happened, all those things that tested you, all those experiences, they became your roots.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: They became wisdom, they became compassion, resilience, and they became strength.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: The problem I see is that so many of us keep looking at our roots and wishing they were different, wishing they were gone, wishing they never happened, wishing whatever.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of realizing they are exactly what made us who we are.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And here's where this becomes really important.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because your next chapter does not just require healing, it requires permission to be seen differently.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where so many women get stuck.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: You say you want the next chapter, whatever that is for you, you say you want the business or the relationship or the peace or the sense of purpose, the adventure, the reinvention, whatever that is for you.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: But instead, you keep introducing yourself to the world as the old version of you.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: You keep making decisions as the old version.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: You keep talking about yourself as the old version, or seeing yourself as the old version.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I want to give you an example of this because, gosh, for a long time, as a result of things that had happened, I started identifying as the fixer.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: So as the fixer, and that identity, what do you think I actually created?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: More things to fix is what I created.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: But that that identity was actually coming from my past hurts, my past problems, my past uh childhood traumas, my past challenges, all of that, right?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it had become my identity.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: But in order to move past that and to stop creating problems to fix subconsciously and manifesting them, I had to disconnect and really reestablish how I saw myself.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a biggie.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: I worked on that years ago, and that it made all the difference in the world.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: So here I was in Costa Rica going through all these exercises and kind of having a little bit deeper epiphany or realization of things.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that has led me here to talking about this with you.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you've always been the caretaker, and now you're starting to learn boundaries.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've always been the one who played small, and now you're stepping into leadership where you want to.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've always been the woman who put everyone else before yourself.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: But now you're learning that not only do you want to put yourself first or have yourself in the priority list, but you deserve it.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: You need it, and you're learning how to do that.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've always been the woman who said no because she was afraid.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And now you're becoming the woman who starts to say yes more.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing: not everyone is going to understand this version of you.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Some people are going to prefer the old version.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: They'll be uncomfortable when you are changing.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: There are many people that will be uncomfortable with it because some people will be reminded of who you used to be, and seeing you change is a reminder sometimes to them that they haven't changed.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that can be uncomfortable.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they won't understand what changes you're making and how you're re-identifying in a new way.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that is perfectly okay.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: They're allowed to remember the old version of you.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: You are still allowed to become the new one while they remember the old version.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: The people in your life that will truly be there and supportive of you and loving of you and are deserving to be in your life will not try to bring you back into the old version.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Even when they don't understand the new one, even when it makes them uncomfortable, they will cheer you on.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get practical.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because insight without action does not change a thing.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to finish this sentence.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: I am becoming a woman who.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Evidence becomes seeing it and feeling it as you're writing it down.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: Evidence comes from the action of following up this statement and doing something that that woman would do.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: One of the reasons retreats are so incredibly powerful is because they create space between who you've been and who you're becoming.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I'm so excited about creating more of these experiences for people.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: The next one is going to be in Sedona, Arizona.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'll have more on that later.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: I have a feeling that this chapter for you is going to be really special.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: So as I wrap up today, I want to leave you with this thought.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: The next chapter of your life doesn't require you to become someone else.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: It requires you to stop hiding who you've been becoming all along.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: And your roots matter.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Your story matters.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Your scars matter.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Your wisdom and the resilience you have, all of that matters.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: And everything you've lived through has prepared you for what comes next.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: The question is: will you allow yourself to be seen as the woman you are becoming?
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: So if this episode has resonated with you, I want to invite you to come join me in the Limitless Living Group for Women Who Are Becoming.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's a Facebook group, it's free.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: You can ask me questions, you can connect in there.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's a fabulous group of women.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I would love for you to finish this sentence inside the group.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: I am becoming a woman who.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then just finish it.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Introduce yourself if you want, post a picture if you want, but finish that sentence in the group.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: That makes it even more real when you share it with others.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: And this is a group where we all support each other in doing that.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be afraid of what anybody thinks.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if you'd like to learn more about the limitless reset method or upcoming events, coaching workshops, all that good stuff, visit my website at fredericadavis.com.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: But until next time, stay rooted, stay resilient, and be limitless.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, the next chapter is leaving point better than the video.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's only leaving point three program.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Take care.