Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Encouragement IN your Reality | Ep. 17

Transcript

Encouragement IN your Reality | Ep. 17 · The Parenting Podcast

• 1:00
  Cheryl: Welcome back moms here.
• 1:02
  Cheryl: We are at the parenting podcast table and we've got Christie Gunckel and, and
• 1:11
  Christie: But we're missing Denay yes.
• 1:14
  Christie: She's busy with graduate school finishing that up.
• 1:18
  Cheryl: So I think she had a bunch of big papers she had to write.
• 1:20
  Christie: Yes.
• 1:21
  Christie: Yes.
• 1:22
  Christie: I do not know.
• 1:24
  Cheryl: Let's vote.
• 1:25
  Cheryl: Who's blood.
• 1:26
  Cheryl: They're not writing
• 1:29
  Christie: especially around
• 1:29
  Ellen: the holidays.
• 1:30
  Ellen: Professors always do that, you know?
• 1:33
  Ellen: Cause you have nothing else to do, but
• 1:34
  Cheryl: write papers.
• 1:35
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:36
  Cheryl: Go enjoy your holiday.
• 1:38
  Cheryl: And come back with these two papers written, right?
• 1:41
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:41
  Cheryl: So good luck today
• 1:45
  Christie: are here today
• 1:46
  Cheryl: Cause moms, we are actually recording this closer to Thanksgiving than the new year, uh, due to give you context.
• 1:54
  Cheryl: And that's what Denae is and everything else slipping slammed during the holidays as a grad student.
• 2:00
  Christie: Yeah.
• 2:00
  Christie: And Cheryl, you had an eventful Thanksgiving week to really
• 2:05
  Cheryl: true.
• 2:05
  Cheryl: So how's your daughter doing?
• 2:07
  Cheryl: Okay, so she's doing better.
• 2:09
  Cheryl: Um, she is 28 weeks pregnant and as you know, her husband is out of state and can't get back right now.
• 2:17
  Cheryl: And she was diagnosed with pneumonia.
• 2:20
  Cheryl: So she's got my two precious little ones that are five and two and a half three.
• 2:26
  Cheryl (2): And so I basically have had them staying with me pretty much
• 2:31
  Cheryl: all
• 2:31
  Cheryl (2): this week, and to give Deborah a chance to rest, to rest.
• 2:35
  Cheryl (2): You've been busy.
• 2:36
  Cheryl (2): Oh, I've been so busy.
• 2:38
  Cheryl (2): And so.
• 2:39
  Cheryl (2): It was fun.
• 2:39
  Cheryl (2): Last night was over there very long day because they went back to Deborah because I had to kind of get back to real life this week instead of, but the holiday was a real gift because I could keep them for her.
• 2:51
  Cheryl (2): And then I was so tired last night because we got over there in our house was clean.
• 2:58
  Cheryl (2): Cause nobody's been there, but the kitchen.
• 3:01
  Cheryl (2): Okay.
• 3:01
  Cheryl (2): She's.
• 3:02
  Cheryl (2): Not doing any surviving, surviving.
• 3:04
  Cheryl (2): So, you know, so then I stayed over there and her, my counseling, my father.
• 3:09
  Cheryl (2): Great helper until she and I, we got all the kitchen done and we did all that.
• 3:13
  Cheryl (2): So she's in good shape.
• 3:16
  Cheryl (2): And so she is doing better.
• 3:17
  Christie: I'm
• 3:17
  Cheryl: glad to hear it, but this is what I, what I wanted to do is come back in because it really reminded me, have him that long, all day long and all night long.
• 3:28
  Cheryl: Cause they're so little and talk to moms and say, I, it probably feels like.
• 3:35
  Cheryl: Because it is hard,
• 3:37
  Ellen: right?
• 3:37
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 3:38
  Ellen: I was just probably one of the hardest times of your life.
• 3:40
  Ellen: And then the holiday season really multiplies everything, all the things you're thinking about and, and having to plan for an extra food and, you know, tired children.
• 3:52
  Ellen: So usually most of my.
• 3:54
  Ellen: Having maybe fun time during the holidays, but they're tired.
• 3:57
  Christie: They're working already before the holidays with your children and Santa does Disney might come in and clean your house.
• 4:04
  Christie: Right.
• 4:04
  Christie: You might be working away from home and taking care of your children and then you add a whole another full-time job, which is Christmas.
• 4:11
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:11
  Cheryl: So moms, what we're saying is we want to help validate that parenting it's a great job, but it's a really hard one.
• 4:18
  Cheryl: And then we want to bring you some encouraging.
• 4:20
  Christie: Oh man validation.
• 4:21
  Christie: I think Cheryl is the biggest gift we can offer our listeners because I know when mine were little, just to be told it's okay, that it's hard.
• 4:29
  Christie: You're not doing something wrong just because it's hard.
• 4:32
  Christie: Yes.
• 4:33
  Christie: And we want to encourage you moms that are there in that season of, you know, 12 and down, if you're doing a lot for your children and it is, it is hard.
• 4:44
  Christie: But it's worth
• 4:45
  Ellen: it.
• 4:46
  Ellen: And Pinterest steps in to everything.
• 4:50
  Ellen: And then, you know, makes you feel like, oh, but I didn't do this and I didn't do that.
• 4:55
  Ellen: And I didn't fix it this way.
• 4:56
  Ellen: And my friend next door did all this.
• 4:59
  Ellen: How did they do it?
• 5:00
  Ellen: And
• 5:01
  Cheryl: it's worse.
• 5:02
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:03
  Christie: And then here in January, you're looking back thinking, oh, I forgot this one special gift.
• 5:09
  Christie: I was going to get grandma or, you know, whatever the.
• 5:12
  Ellen: I usually forget a gift in the closet.
• 5:18
  Cheryl: don't your kids, you just something where you numbered the gifts instead of putting their names and then you can't find what the right.
• 5:26
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 5:26
  Ellen: Then you lose the master list, right.
• 5:28
  Christie: Numbers of the kids on it.
• 5:31
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:32
  Christie: It's
• 5:32
  Cheryl: kind of, and then there's bleak January because we've given and given.
• 5:37
  Cheryl: So some of it was a, I mean, You know, Ellen, we know.
• 5:42
  Cheryl: Grandchildren are wonderful.
• 5:43
  Cheryl: And then you have your nieces and nephews.
• 5:45
  Cheryl: You're not that far out of.
• 5:46
  Cheryl: Right?
• 5:47
  Christie: My young youngest is 15, so I have a glimmer of memory still and have the little
• 5:52
  Cheryl: nieces and nephew,
• 5:54
  Christie: or I have nieces and nephews, but I have one niece that I get to keep once a week.
• 5:58
  Christie: So on Fridays, we get to feel the full throes of having a toddler in the house again.
• 6:03
  Christie: And yeah, it just, I mean, you forget how busy they are.
• 6:08
  Ellen: And if there's any silence, panic.
• 6:10
  Ellen: Yeah, I know I said to my daughter one time, uh, we have, uh, 17 grandchildren and another one on the way, but I said to my grand, excuse me, I said to my daughter, I said, well, I think that.
• 6:23
  Ellen: Pretty well childproof.
• 6:24
  Ellen: She said, no, mom, it's not, they spent a week and a half in the house babysitting our house for us.
• 6:30
  Ellen: She said, no, the kids found the stuff that you thought was okay.
• 6:34
  Ellen: And I said, okay.
• 6:35
  Christie: Oh, sorry.
• 6:36
  Christie: You know, there was once my, my mom asked if I would host a family event and she said, don't worry, I'll come over a few days before and help you clean.
• 6:44
  Christie: To prepare.
• 6:45
  Christie: And I thought a few days have to clean a few hours and then leave the house.
• 6:51
  Cheryl: You come at four, you clean and then I'll take everybody the family, sadly.
• 6:56
  Christie: Yes.
• 6:56
  Christie: So they can't destroy it.
• 6:58
  Ellen: I would always be Mike, will you take all the kids out for pizza?
• 7:02
  Ellen: And then sometimes just the thrill of having a house clean, sitting in the chair with a cup of tea going it's quiet and it's clean.
• 7:10
  Ellen: And for 90
• 7:11
  seconds,
• 7:12
  Cheryl: Okay, but I'm going to speak into this cause that's what it reminded me of and just so much busy-ness and when you have younger ones, it's not just daytime.
• 7:22
  Cheryl: It's also waking up at night and if, and one of the nights, both of them just were a little bit off and so get to sleep and I'm up with one and then it just for one night they just tag team and I've remembered mom.
• 7:35
  Cheryl: It's the sleep deprivation sometimes just wears you down.
• 7:41
  Cheryl: And another thing I made another mistake because I was so tired because it's not part of my rhythm of my life.
• 7:49
  Cheryl: So I made a mistake that I quit doing when I was actually parenting, because I realized I needed to get up before they're ever up.
• 7:57
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 7:58
  Cheryl: And so I would get up, I would be dressed.
• 8:01
  Cheryl: And then, you know, personally I would take some time and, uh, maybe journal and do some Bible reading and prayer for me, but I was ready by the time they got up but I wasn't doing it.
• 8:15
  Cheryl: So I was kind of behind physically and emotionally, by the time they got up.
• 8:21
  Cheryl: Nope out of my pajamas, like 11 and I go, oh, I forgotten the days that you're not out of your pajamas till noon.
• 8:29
  Cheryl: If you can stay home and they're up and what is the first water of their mouth, I'm hungry.
• 8:36
  Cheryl: So I didn't have anything started, but I learned, so one day I fixed breakfast ahead of time so that when they said I'm hungry, bam, all I receipt.
• 8:46
  Cheryl: But I just, all of that, the ongoing ongoing
• 8:49
  Christie: yeah.
• 8:50
  Christie: Well, and I think what you're talking about too, is the realization that parenting is different than grandparenting, and you're no stranger to it.
• 8:59
  Christie: You parenthood for how many decades, but the reminder of the day in and day out and all the nuances of being prepared in the mornings and.
• 9:09
  Christie: All of the thinking ahead of them.
• 9:11
  Christie: It's not the same as grandparenting.
• 9:14
  Christie: So you got a better perspective because I
• 9:16
  Ellen: remember I consistently got up 5 30, 6 o'clock when my children were little, my husband had to be at work anyway.
• 9:23
  Ellen: Sometimes we only had one car and I'd have to take him in, but I remember.
• 9:28
  Ellen: You know, being trained by the ladies that were above me that were helping me as a mom to get up really early.
• 9:35
  Ellen: But the problem is you're exhausted by four o'clock and I just could never figure out a balance of how to do that.
• 9:43
  Ellen: I can do that now as a grandparent, because it's just a temporary thing.
• 9:47
  Ellen: But as a mom figuring out, okay, so I get up and I, you know, get some personal things done and I'm dressed and breakfast is ready, but now it's noon and I'm done.
• 9:58
  Ellen: I want a nap.
• 9:59
  Ellen: Right.
• 9:59
  Ellen: But you know, in less, the kids were still at napping ages.
• 10:02
  Ellen: You didn't get one.
• 10:03
  Ellen: And even if they were my list of things to do was another mile long.
• 10:08
  Christie: Well, my temptation was the opposite.
• 10:09
  Christie: I would stay up too late because once I got everybody down for bed, I was like, okay, the house is quiet.
• 10:16
  Christie: I can read or watch a movie or whatever I wanted to do alone.
• 10:20
  Christie: And then I would stay up too late and then not feel like getting up ahead of time.
• 10:23
  Christie: And, and again, like Cheryl said, I was behind before I started.
• 10:27
  Cheryl: well I
• 10:27
  Ellen: would do both.
• 10:28
  Ellen: Unfortunately I would stay up late for all the reasons you said, and then drag myself out of bed in the morning.
• 10:36
  Ellen: You need sleep.
• 10:36
  Ellen: Right.
• 10:36
  Ellen: Right.
• 10:37
  Ellen: Exactly.
• 10:38
  Ellen: And then you went to being cranky.
• 10:40
  Ellen: Yes.
• 10:40
  Ellen: Short-tempered about stuff that you feel bad by the end of the day that you snapped at everybody, but sometimes it's just sheer fatigue.
• 10:49
  Cheryl: We've Talked about it before that we have to get that energy from somewhere.
• 10:54
  Cheryl: And so I hear this from moms all the time, and now I experienced it those four or five days, but.
• 11:00
  Cheryl: we can't burn the candle, all these sins, right.
• 11:03
  Cheryl: Because our children and our husbands, if they're married, suffer, everybody does so somewhere.
• 11:10
  Cheryl: We've got to borrow that time.
• 11:12
  Cheryl: Fact, why don't we.
• 11:14
  Cheryl: Cause it's the new year we could do an episode.
• 11:17
  Cheryl: I don't know, rhythms and routines about what we're talking about is how can we, realistically, while you've got children at home, what do we do
• 11:26
  Ellen: as a realistic, right.
• 11:28
  Ellen: You know, we have the Pinterest board in our head dictating what we should do, but then there's the reality.
• 11:34
  Christie: It's real easy to sit and make goals and a notebook.
• 11:37
  Christie: But then when the three year old.
• 11:39
  Christie: Get on board with those goals.
• 11:40
  Christie: It's a little bit more challenging.
• 11:42
  Cheryl: Tell you about three-year-old.
• 11:43
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 11:44
  Cheryl: So she's not quite three and she knows how to get out of The crib, oh, I have a pack in play.
• 11:51
  Cheryl: So she learned at home.
• 11:52
  Cheryl: I mean, all it takes is one time that they climb out of there.
• 11:56
  Cheryl: The crib.
• 11:57
  Cheryl: That's it.
• 11:57
  Cheryl: The secrets, the secrets out.
• 12:00
  Cheryl: And so in a packing place, even easier.
• 12:02
  Cheryl: And when she's done with her nap or getting up, she ship one of the nights, I don't, you know how they start running together.
• 12:08
  Cheryl: See, this is why I wanted to do this moms.
• 12:11
  Cheryl: I remember all the nights running together when it's a hard period for sleep.
• 12:16
  Cheryl: So something woke me up because she gets up silently.
• 12:20
  Cheryl: Shouldn't make any noise.
• 12:23
  Cheryl: I looked and there was light on in the hole.
• 12:25
  Cheryl: So she gets up, turns the light on in her room and just walks down the hall, turning on all the lights, all the lights are on the kitchen and they're everywhere.
• 12:36
  Cheryl: And she just walks in and turns on that she doesn't call.
• 12:38
  Cheryl: She doesn't say anything.
• 12:40
  Cheryl: And so we were working on that And I will tell you, one thing that actually worked with her is I talked with her and I said, if you'll stay in your bed, I'll leave the door up.
• 12:52
  Cheryl: If you'll just stay in your bed, you don't have to go to sleep.
• 12:55
  Cheryl: We used to tell our kids that, but I'm not sleeping.
• 12:58
  Cheryl: I don't want to go to sleep.
• 12:58
  Cheryl: I go, that's okay.
• 12:59
  Cheryl: You don't have to go to sleep.
• 13:00
  Cheryl: Just be quiet and stay in bed And she said, yes, I'm called Gaia.
• 13:06
  Cheryl: That's what I wanted to say.
• 13:08
  Cheryl: This is what makes.
• 13:09
  Cheryl: Real life.
• 13:10
  Ellen: Right.
• 13:11
  Ellen: And that's just one child and that's just one part of the day or the night.
• 13:17
  Ellen: Cause then you have to try to get back to sleep before they get up again, if that's even going to happen.
• 13:22
  Ellen: And there's just all of those day in and day out.
• 13:26
  Ellen: And I think, I feel like I had five children.
• 13:30
  Ellen: Those early years, just all ran together because my kids will say, remember, Nope.
• 13:35
  Ellen: And my kids think it's funny now that they're all adults.
• 13:38
  Ellen: And I used to say, I don't remember the eighties.
• 13:40
  Ellen: And they thought that was the weirdest thing.
• 13:42
  Ellen: Well, now they're all moms and dads and they're like, oh, okay.
• 13:46
  Ellen: We get it
• 13:46
  Christie: now.
• 13:47
  Christie: Yeah.
• 13:47
  Christie: The early two thousands did not exist to me.
• 13:50
  Christie: Nothing.
• 13:50
  Christie: None of the movies, none of the songs.
• 13:53
  Cheryl: And so, so many of the moms I've worked with they'll talk, oh, the big hair, all of y'all with.
• 13:59
  Cheryl: Never noticed and the music groups or anything else?
• 14:03
  Cheryl: Nope.
• 14:04
  Cheryl: I was raising my kids.
• 14:05
  Cheryl: I didn't have time for all of that.
• 14:08
  Cheryl: and it is something, uh, to hang in there and to keep doing all this.
• 14:13
  Ellen: Well, there's just so many things to think about when your children are really under 12, but especially if they're really young, cause you just never know what they're going to do.
• 14:22
  Ellen: And as I said earlier, if there's any silence in the house, you know, to run in the direction where your kids are, I mean,
• 14:31
  Cheryl: you're, you're describing.
• 14:33
  Cheryl: Because we had some beautiful weather here, so we're playing on the backyard and they know what they can do.
• 14:39
  Cheryl: And they just it's great, safe backyard, all of that sort of stuff.
• 14:44
  Cheryl: And they went around the corner of the house where I couldn't see him.
• 14:50
  Cheryl: And I don't, I literally was in the house 30 seconds, You know, it's just regular life with us, but we have, uh, have to get our gate replaced.
• 15:00
  Cheryl: I've got a, it's like a bike chain thing that you have a combination, so it's secure, but the last person didn't did it make it as tight.
• 15:08
  Cheryl: So like a loose seatbelt and the little tiny one with oh, and slipped through.
• 15:14
  Cheryl: Oh, now.
• 15:16
  Cheryl: Here.
• 15:16
  Cheryl: I am 30 seconds in the house and kids, it goes Gaya.
• 15:22
  Cheryl: So I'm all of the clutter level running and that's what she done slipped out.
• 15:27
  Cheryl: She didn't go anywhere, but she got out and she just smiling so proud of her accomplishment.
• 15:34
  Cheryl: She just thought it was fun, but what could have happened if I hadn't come out or the older one hadn't called me.
• 15:40
  Cheryl: So if it feels on ending.
• 15:42
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 15:43
  Ellen: Yes.
• 15:45
  Ellen: Well, I know we're kind of telling stories, but I mean, I remember when my, um, my oldest son was only two and we lived on military housing.
• 15:52
  Ellen: He made a really teeny backyard with, uh, it was completely fenced.
• 15:56
  Ellen: Um, And, but it was very, very small.
• 15:59
  Ellen: I mean, like maybe 10 feet by 10 feet at the most.
• 16:02
  Ellen: And we had this little Wiener dog and I told my son, I had to run into the house because the sister was crying and I said, okay, keep your eye on the dog.
• 16:08
  Ellen: Well, I didn't realize the wind blew open the gay.
• 16:13
  Ellen: By the time I did whatever it was in the house.
• 16:15
  Ellen: Probably two minutes thinking he's safe with the dog in the backyard.
• 16:19
  Ellen: He's completely gone.
• 16:20
  Ellen: The dog's gone and I'm in a complete panic.
• 16:25
  Ellen: So here I have a new baby.
• 16:26
  Ellen: I'm trying to gather myself, uh, but probably wasn't even dressed yet.
• 16:30
  Ellen: Cause it was morning.
• 16:31
  Ellen: So I'm throwing clothes on, in a panic, calling his name, calling the dogs.
• 16:35
  Ellen: And I can't see them for.
• 16:39
  Christie: Ours.
• 16:40
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 16:41
  Ellen: So finally, I'm running down the street, calling him and the dog's name.
• 16:45
  Ellen: No one's insight.
• 16:46
  Ellen: I'm asking people cause it's military housing.
• 16:48
  Ellen: So a lot of people were out.
• 16:50
  Ellen: Um, have you seen a docksin and a little boy walked by?
• 16:53
  Ellen: No, finally someone, I think they went that way.
• 16:56
  Ellen: So pretty soon I have the whole neighborhood, even people, I didn't know, following me, looking for my son and our silly in oh, I did, you know, with a baby in tow, I finally caught up with them and they were probably three blocks away, a little docks and goes really fast.
• 17:15
  Ellen: And so does the child there's, I am so thankful that we lived on base housing and it was a quiet community.
• 17:21
  Ellen: We didn't have a lot of traffic and lots of people were out, you know, doing things in their front yard.
• 17:28
  Ellen: So we had, like I said, we had like a small army follower trying to help us find him.
• 17:32
  Ellen: So when he finally found him, I said, James, why did you leave the yard?
• 17:37
  Ellen: And he said, well, you told me to
• 17:41
  Christie: my goodness.
• 17:43
  Christie: You know, I heard someone say once, if, if you find yourself mean a proud or judgmental parent, you just haven't been apparent long enough because you know that story, it just gives me a visual that those people that saw you probably are still telling that story.
• 17:57
  Christie: I remember the story and it humbles you, our kids humblest very quickly.
• 18:02
  Christie: Yeah.
• 18:02
  Ellen: You know, thank you.
• 18:03
  Ellen: Being a good mom and everybody's safe and it wasn't being a bad mom.
• 18:07
  Ellen: It just, we all have a story like that and it pours.
• 18:10
  Ellen: We're just so thankful and nothing ended in tragedy.
• 18:13
  Ellen: And it's a funny story I can tell now,
• 18:15
  Christie: because what we're saying is we don't get to parent in a controlled environment.
• 18:20
  Christie: We were dealing with real life.
• 18:22
  Christie: You know, husband forgot something for work.
• 18:24
  Christie: So the baby is asleep.
• 18:25
  Christie: You got to wake the baby.
• 18:26
  Christie: I mean, yes, things just happen where you've got to live life in the midst of parenting.
• 18:31
  Christie: And
• 18:31
  Ellen: you're learning as you go.
• 18:33
  Ellen: Uh huh.
• 18:33
  Ellen: I mean, you're learning
• 18:35
  Cheryl: well because even you and we, all three of us had fairly large families, so it's not like we got it all learned on my first one.
• 18:44
  Cheryl: Because then you have multiple children and you have different temperaments and interactions.
• 18:50
  Cheryl: I tell my kids all the time.
• 18:52
  Cheryl: I'm not telling my grand Jewell.
• 18:53
  Cheryl: Now I've never lived this day before.
• 18:55
  Cheryl: Right?
• 18:56
  Cheryl: This is oldest type in.
• 18:57
  Cheryl: I've never experienced what I'm experiencing today.
• 19:00
  Cheryl: No, I've accumulation of a lot of decades of that, but it's the same thing.
• 19:04
  Cheryl: And so we're saying moms don't be, and
• 19:06
  Christie: yourself,
• 19:07
  Ellen: you're learning as you go.
• 19:08
  Ellen: It doesn't matter if you have one child for 20 children.
• 19:12
  Ellen: Just a learning curve with each child.
• 19:15
  Ellen: There's a learning curve and different situations every day brings something new.
• 19:19
  Ellen: Good.
• 19:21
  Christie: Yeah.
• 19:21
  Christie: I have all girls.
• 19:23
  Christie: So I've heard people say, oh, you know, for girls, you probably have dealt with this before.
• 19:28
  Christie: I'm this?
• 19:28
  Christie: I said, I never have, have parented this child on this day before.
• 19:33
  Christie: And I think that's true of all of us.
• 19:36
  Cheryl (2): Ellen, Kristie one of the things, that's what you said, what we're doing.
• 19:40
  Cheryl (2): Like all of the short describing this is normal real life.
• 19:44
  Cheryl (2): What made it so hard for me one of the huge errors of my thought, my vision of this with the children is I thought it was sort of like terminal in that it has an into it.
• 19:58
  Cheryl (2): Just trying to teach them that courtesy, you know, respect and the same thing.
• 20:03
  Cheryl (2): Sharing is a way that we show love all of that stuff.
• 20:05
  Cheryl (2): Just every bit and another meal and another dirty pot and I didn't have anybody come and say, yeah, this is hard or it's okay.
• 20:15
  Cheryl (2): You don't have to worry.
• 20:16
  Cheryl (2): It's not pass or fail You'll have opportunities again tomorrow.
• 20:20
  Cheryl (2): Oh, I didn't teach them about, oh, I'm supposed to be teaching them to be.
• 20:24
  Cheryl (2): Don't worry.
• 20:25
  Cheryl (2): You get to do it again.
• 20:27
  Cheryl (2): You're going to have plenty of lessons.
• 20:29
  Cheryl (2): And I thought it was sort of like a test in school or class.
• 20:33
  Cheryl (2): And if you just did enough of it or you did it the right way, it was good work.
• 20:38
  Ellen: Well, I remember one of my.
• 20:39
  Ellen: My, one of my daughters asked me a while back and said, you know, I keep teaching this and this, when does it ever stop?
• 20:48
  Ellen: I'm sorry.
• 20:49
  Ellen: It doesn't, you know, it just, that's just the problem with young children.
• 20:54
  Ellen: You have to keep repeating, repeating and, and all age groups really.
• 20:57
  Ellen: But, you know, and in
• 20:58
  Christie: one sense, that's frustrating that it's repetitive, but in another sense, It's relieving because at the end of the day, when you lay your head on the pillow and you do start rethinking, oh, I should have handled this better.
• 21:12
  Christie: Or like you said, you do have another chance tomorrow and whatever slipped through the cracks.
• 21:17
  Christie: Yes.
• 21:17
  Christie: You can get back.
• 21:19
  Christie: You get a duo for sure.
• 21:20
  Christie: So let it be an encouragement, especially
• 21:22
  Ellen: in training things you definitely get to do over.
• 21:25
  Cheryl (2): Yeah.
• 21:26
  Cheryl (2): And that lands on so many different levels that actually the process of learning something, you know, I've learned a lot of things about parenting watching my grown kids to see, oh, that's so good.
• 21:38
  Cheryl (2): I wish I'd had that tool in my parenting.
• 21:41
  Cheryl (2): Just a basic thing like stuff, awareness.
• 21:44
  Cheryl (2): And eventually I want us to do it.
• 21:46
  Cheryl (2): I'm always talking about what episodes real do I want to do a series about.
• 21:50
  Cheryl (2): Emotional health and stuff, awareness for our moms, and then how to teach it with your children.
• 21:57
  Christie: Well, I know for me, I was learning and growing alongside of my children.
• 22:01
  Christie: As far as emotional health goes, it wasn't natural for me to know how to deal with.
• 22:06
  Christie: Feelings at that point in my life.
• 22:08
  Christie: And so, yeah, I think that's a huge help to think through how can I process these emotions when I'm feeling frustrated and overtired and hopeless about training these children and how can I communicate that to them in how to process their
• 22:23
  Ellen: feelings?
• 22:24
  Ellen: And I know I was my worst critic, you know, I could have people around me saying, oh, your kids are great.
• 22:30
  Ellen: Love your kids are so sweet.
• 22:32
  Ellen: And I'm thinking, oh, but yeah, I'm a horrible mom because I didn't do this.
• 22:36
  Ellen: They didn't know this.
• 22:38
  Ellen: Or, you know, I yelled at them today.
• 22:41
  Ellen: So I'm sure they're scarred for the rest of their lives.
• 22:43
  Ellen: I mean, all those things that come with it.
• 22:45
  Ellen: And I know for me, I was the hardest person on myself and never was able to kind of rise above that.
• 22:54
  Ellen: That was a really hard thing to do.
• 22:55
  Christie: Well, they kind of just reiterate that because they are harder on us as moms, than they are with the, you know, daycare teacher, mother stay out or
• 23:06
  Ellen: my grandchildren are angels when they come to my house and my kids are always
• 23:10
  Christie: like, yeah, And do anything wrong.
• 23:12
  Christie: Oh, I used to pick up one of my girls and they'd say, oh, she is just my favorite.
• 23:17
  Christie: I know I'm not supposed to have favorites, but she's just a Juul.
• 23:19
  Christie: And I'm thinking, well, can you come home with me because she doesn't treat me that way.
• 23:25
  Cheryl: And this is the reality.
• 23:27
  Cheryl: And you know what you're talking about.
• 23:30
  Cheryl: We don't want to load ourselves up with the wrong kind of guilt, but we want to be responsible, some kind of balance.
• 23:37
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 23:38
  Cheryl: That's another episode I'd like us to go into about mom guilt.
• 23:42
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 23:43
  Cheryl: And then talk about the universal
• 23:45
  Christie: mom.
• 23:45
  Christie: Guess
• 23:46
  Cheryl (2): what's realistic and healthy and what isn't.
• 23:50
  Christie: Yeah.
• 23:51
  Christie: Mom, guilt is a real thing and I, I heard an illustration, um, once and I mentally applied it to parenting, but you know, it's the difference between a checking account and a savings account, or checking out, you're putting money in to withdraw and spend and you put the, make a deposit, you spend it, you make a deposit, you spend it savings account.
• 24:11
  Christie: You're making a deposit and it states and you make another deposit and it sits.
• 24:15
  Christie: And eventually it's a larger amount.
• 24:18
  Christie: And I think that's true in parenting where day in, day out, we're doing the same things over and over again.
• 24:25
  Christie: But over time we're building up.
• 24:29
  Christie: That source of love that they're feeling from us.
• 24:32
  Christie: And no matter, you know, the outcome may not be what we are hoping for the return to be.
• 24:38
  Christie: It may not be exactly the way we planned, but when it really boils down our big rock and in our call as mothers is to love our children well and looking.
• 24:49
  Christie: Towards being more and more consistent as we can.
• 24:53
  Christie: And as we
• 24:53
  Cheryl (2): grow, grow in the loving, yes.
• 24:56
  Cheryl (2): Because nobody does it perfectly but I want to, that's what I want them to end up.
• 24:59
  Cheryl (2): Not that they are smarter because we did the right things or all of that or perfect products or that I, and I blew it completely, but I want my goal.
• 25:10
  Cheryl (2): That I trying to increasingly love them better.
• 25:13
  Ellen: Right?
• 25:14
  Ellen: Well, that reminds me, uh, uh, quite a few years ago, somebody taught me a little saying that really kind of sums up how I feel about almost everything in life, but especially parenting and grand parenting.
• 25:26
  Ellen: And that's just simply love God and love of.
• 25:31
  Ellen: And if you can do those too, that if that could be your daily goal, isn't going to cover a lot of things.
• 25:37
  Ellen: Correct?
• 25:38
  Cheryl: Well, I mean, Jesus only left us those two rules and you know, for me, what I found y'all, if I kind of give my energy to working hard, to loving him more and seeking that I can love my children better.
• 25:53
  Cheryl: I can love my husband better.
• 25:54
  Cheryl: I can love you all better, but if I don't work on it, I'm not going to go.
• 25:59
  Ellen: And it doesn't seem so unattainable when it's just two things.
• 26:02
  Ellen: Right?
• 26:03
  Cheryl: every episode, those of you that are long-term listeners, you know, we have the same phrase we end with and to hang in with all of this, the poopy blowouts and the lost dog, or the children runaways and the dirty kitchen and all the failures.
• 26:19
  Cheryl: And.
• 26:19
  Cheryl: Keep seeking to love them hanging in there, working hard for each one and forever everybody
• 26:25
  Christie: together.
• 26:26
  Christie: Yeah.
• 26:26
  Christie: And I think that can free us up from those expectations.
• 26:30
  Christie: We set up for ourselves, you know, looking back over the holiday season and assessing what we did right or wrong, and we wish would have done differently or what was disappointing.
• 26:41
  Christie: Just trying to slough some of that off and, and refocus on what the main call is,
• 26:47
  Cheryl (2): which is trying to love.
• 26:48
  Cheryl (2): Yeah.
• 26:49
  Cheryl (2): Okay.
• 26:49
  Cheryl (2): Soon Let's come in and talk some more about the new year and rhythms and this kind of thing.
• 26:56
  Cheryl (2): Sounds good.
• 26:56
  Cheryl (2): Yep.
• 26:57
  Cheryl (2): Yep.
• 26:57
  Cheryl: So moms remember, hang in there.
• 27:00
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's.
• 27:04
  Cheryl: Yes, it is.