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Monday Mini: The Convo About No Contact · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm welcome to stuff
0:07
Speaker 1: I never told you protection if I heart with you.
0:18
Speaker 2: And welcome to another holiday Monday, Mini, and it's not
0:25
Speaker 2: a happy one. I guess I should put this in.
0:28
Speaker 2: I think this is just a conversation. We've had many
0:30
Speaker 2: conversations like this, so not necessarily trigger warning. We're not
0:34
Speaker 2: doing anything deep and dark. But you know, we know
0:37
Speaker 2: holidays are stressful, so if family talking about family is stressful,
0:42
Speaker 2: you can save this one. I'm gonna say that. And
0:44
Speaker 2: today is December fourth, twenty five aspect we're recording it.
0:48
Speaker 2: So I just want to put this timestamp because we
0:50
Speaker 2: know this is ever changing in conversation, and I feel
0:53
Speaker 2: like we're taking terms like no contact, narcissism and all
0:59
Speaker 2: of that and really having a field day on who
1:03
Speaker 2: or what that is talking about and who's allowed to
1:06
Speaker 2: use these terms. Weirdly, I know, but it changes. So
1:10
Speaker 2: with that, yeah, there's a timestamp, but we are talking
1:12
Speaker 2: about no contact. So it's the holidays again, and that
1:15
Speaker 2: comes with a lot of mixed feelings, emotions, stress, all
1:20
Speaker 2: the above, and interestingly, people seem to have a lot
1:22
Speaker 2: of thoughts on going no contact with families again, especially
1:26
Speaker 2: since it's the holiday times, and for clarification, I guess
1:30
Speaker 2: just to put it out that no contact is pretty
1:31
Speaker 2: much just cutting all communications off with someone that you
1:35
Speaker 2: feel is not beneficial or toxic to your help and
1:39
Speaker 2: your well being. So you know, you may be seeing
1:41
Speaker 2: it as I'm going no contact with my mother. That's
1:44
Speaker 2: the most that I've seen or my family member. And
1:48
Speaker 2: we've talked about how the politics and political conversations has
1:53
Speaker 2: really kind of heightened that level of need to need
1:57
Speaker 2: to really separate or go low contact is another thing
2:00
Speaker 2: that we've talked about. I've said that word a couple
2:03
Speaker 2: of years ago as well, I feel like I need
2:05
Speaker 2: to do this or it's going to ruin our relationship period.
2:09
Speaker 2: So we've talked about this a lot in that context,
2:12
Speaker 2: but there's seem to be big creators or big celebrities
2:16
Speaker 2: who are talking about this. And for those of you
2:19
Speaker 2: who aren't as online as I am, because I have problems,
2:24
Speaker 2: but anyway, there's been some big names who have decided
2:28
Speaker 2: to take this time to have their own opinions be
2:31
Speaker 2: spread about, including Oprah Rimfrey and Mel Robbins. So if
2:35
Speaker 2: you don't know who Mel Robins is I feel like
2:37
Speaker 2: you're in the podcast interest. You like podcasts, you probably
2:40
Speaker 2: know who this is. But she is a best selling
2:42
Speaker 2: author and podcaster with lots of self help books, and
2:45
Speaker 2: I believe she has a law degree, so it's not
2:49
Speaker 2: like she's I thought maybe she was a counselor at
2:51
Speaker 2: one point in time. No, she just has a lot
2:53
Speaker 2: of opinions, which is fine. And I think a lot
2:56
Speaker 2: of people follow her because they really liked some of
2:59
Speaker 2: her contact. And I think she's one of those people
3:01
Speaker 2: who says you can't change other people, which is very true.
3:06
Speaker 2: Which is very true. Okay, Yeah, so back to this.
3:12
Speaker 2: Robins actually wrote an article for the New York Times
3:14
Speaker 2: opinion section called life is too Short to Fight with
3:18
Speaker 2: your Family, where she seems to be saying to children
3:23
Speaker 2: to let things go and just be okay. So I
3:27
Speaker 2: did not read the full piece to be very transparent,
3:31
Speaker 2: but man, it is all over my feed about her
3:34
Speaker 2: comments and conversations in this and it is interesting in
3:39
Speaker 2: that level because I've seen a lot of whom I
3:42
Speaker 2: would put Gen X boomer generations who are like, you
3:45
Speaker 2: need to let things go, You're being too sensitive. You
3:49
Speaker 2: need to give everybody chances repeatedly. This is kind of
3:52
Speaker 2: the conversation we've always had to our detriment. And I
3:56
Speaker 2: say this as a millennial slash gen X in between.
4:01
Speaker 2: I don't know what else to say it. I'm an
4:03
Speaker 2: elder millennial exllennial as some people would say. So I
4:06
Speaker 2: feel like I have a little bit of a grasp
4:08
Speaker 2: on both in that level again from the south to country,
4:12
Speaker 2: and I feel like that makes me more X gen
4:14
Speaker 2: X just with that anyway. So again I think I'm
4:18
Speaker 2: oversimplifying in that when I say it like that that
4:20
Speaker 2: she's just like, Eh, let it go. The people, you know,
4:24
Speaker 2: you just need to be okay with them. They're never
4:27
Speaker 2: going to change. But many people have a lot of
4:29
Speaker 2: feelings and have spoken a lot about what's going on.
4:31
Speaker 2: So this was one from one or article written by
4:34
Speaker 2: John Pavelowitz in his sub Stack, which he talks about
4:40
Speaker 2: it's hard to be in contact with racist family members,
4:43
Speaker 2: so he essentially says this, But in this piece he
4:46
Speaker 2: says Robin warns against the dangers of distancing ourselves from
4:50
Speaker 2: those whose beliefs differ from our own. She warns that
4:53
Speaker 2: in the long run, creating a relational and physical proximity
4:57
Speaker 2: between ourselves and loved ones we disagree with will likely
5:00
Speaker 2: have a devastating impact on our happiness and well being,
5:05
Speaker 2: it continues the let them theory author, So the let
5:09
Speaker 2: them is like you have to let them be done. Essentially,
5:11
Speaker 2: I think the let them theory author advises readers to
5:14
Speaker 2: bear with the faults and failings of family members, saying
5:17
Speaker 2: that the key is quote learning how to accept people
5:19
Speaker 2: as they are, sometimes in spite of who they are.
5:23
Speaker 2: And though he tries to be understanding, I think he
5:27
Speaker 2: really comes back with like, don't get me wrong, we
5:29
Speaker 2: do need to try to get along. It's not like
5:32
Speaker 2: you being immediately like I'm done with you can be
5:37
Speaker 2: harmful for yourself as well. But he also makes this point,
5:42
Speaker 2: but at some point it's perfectly acceptable and admirable to
5:46
Speaker 2: cut ties with people with whom we've come to realize
5:49
Speaker 2: we are morally incompatible, not just for our mental, emotional,
5:53
Speaker 2: and physical help, but because in doing so, we will
5:55
Speaker 2: be emancipated from the shame that tells us we owe
5:58
Speaker 2: anyone proximity or permanence. When liberated in that way, we
6:03
Speaker 2: can fully advocate for the vulnerable and oppressed and marginalized
6:06
Speaker 2: instead of pretending they don't exist just so we can
6:09
Speaker 2: have a nice dinner. So there's a lot in that
6:14
Speaker 2: context because I feel like, again, this is the older
6:17
Speaker 2: group of people or the very center leaning people who
6:22
Speaker 2: is like, I'm center, I don't I'm not on non
6:25
Speaker 2: political Why can't we just let this be why you
6:27
Speaker 2: have to make this a big deal type of thing.
6:29
Speaker 2: It's that same level of conversation that we had with
6:34
Speaker 2: when we talk about women not dating Republicans. We talk
6:37
Speaker 2: about women saying we will not date you if you
6:39
Speaker 2: are in this pipeline, like this kind of simplification of like,
6:44
Speaker 2: but there, you're just pushing out people that needs you
6:47
Speaker 2: the most, as if those responsibilities are placed back on
6:51
Speaker 2: to you. Right. And Oprah apparently has some opinions on
6:56
Speaker 2: it too, calling this move an epidemic going no contact.
7:01
Speaker 2: This revelation that people children are going no contact is
7:03
Speaker 2: an epidemic. It's a sad epidemic in the world. So
7:06
Speaker 2: in November, Obrah decided to do a groundbreaking she called
7:10
Speaker 2: it Groundbreaking show episode where she features parents and children
7:13
Speaker 2: that talk about their relationships and how it led to
7:16
Speaker 2: no contact. I don't think she brought in the parent
7:19
Speaker 2: child specifically from like one family, but like different people
7:23
Speaker 2: who went either no contact or people went no contact
7:26
Speaker 2: with them and they talked about their feelings. And now
7:29
Speaker 2: again I will also relate I did not watch all
7:32
Speaker 2: of this. This is all like I give clips and
7:34
Speaker 2: coming back into like, ha, this is a lot of conversation,
7:37
Speaker 2: and I think her back and forth is again she
7:40
Speaker 2: does try to get a whole picture of this, but
7:43
Speaker 2: also comes back into oh, this is kind of sad
7:45
Speaker 2: though type of conversation. So in her interview she talks
7:51
Speaker 2: about statistics and she actually posted this as an advertisment
7:54
Speaker 2: in her Instagram for the episode, she says around one
7:58
Speaker 2: third of Americans have cut off off ties from their family.
8:01
Speaker 2: Once considered taboo going no contact with their family is
8:05
Speaker 2: now being openly discussed by people of all ages. People
8:08
Speaker 2: are now redefining what healthy boundaries look like in family dynamics.
8:13
Speaker 2: So she is very like, okay, it seems like all
8:16
Speaker 2: could good and well, and then it comes into again
8:18
Speaker 2: her questioning things and talking to parents and giving like
8:22
Speaker 2: parents like free, uh, I guess free time to say.
8:26
Speaker 2: I saw one woman come in and talking about how
8:29
Speaker 2: why is it so bad for my son or my children?
8:32
Speaker 2: To have no contact with me, but I can't do
8:34
Speaker 2: the same. I get villainized if I were to go
8:36
Speaker 2: no contact with my children. People have thoughts, People have thoughts.
8:41
Speaker 2: It also was said that she actually chose her husband
8:44
Speaker 2: over her son at one point, which we've talked about
8:46
Speaker 2: this in this dynamics of like especially like family annihilation
8:49
Speaker 2: type of stuff where we see step children, not because
8:54
Speaker 2: like stepparents are awful, but like not having the good relationship,
8:56
Speaker 2: things having happening between the two of them, children being
8:59
Speaker 2: murdered by step parents or vice versa, like these levels
9:02
Speaker 2: and then history like certain things come along being like,
9:05
Speaker 2: oh this was always rocky, this is a thing, and
9:08
Speaker 2: not that we're going to come back to blaming mothers
9:10
Speaker 2: for all this or not, because there's so many layers
9:13
Speaker 2: to how mothers are villainized. But in this level of
9:16
Speaker 2: a conversation, she was specifically talking about how she put
9:19
Speaker 2: her son out because she would not listen to her
9:22
Speaker 2: husband's rules after the fact of not defending her husband
9:25
Speaker 2: when he came in and started being physically violent, something
9:29
Speaker 2: along those lines. So there's a lot to that, but
9:31
Speaker 2: again a whole different level, and people were like, you know,
9:35
Speaker 2: because children did not choose to be born. Was one
9:38
Speaker 2: of the big conversations. I shouldn't have to pay for
9:41
Speaker 2: your sins in order to, you know, to be raised
9:45
Speaker 2: in a way. Blah blah blah. But then also in
9:47
Speaker 2: that same episode, I did see clips of one man
9:50
Speaker 2: who came in talking about how he didn't understand what
9:53
Speaker 2: he did wrong. He didn't want to go to therapy,
9:55
Speaker 2: but his daughter was willing to go to therapy with
9:57
Speaker 2: him if he come back to contact. And when he did,
10:00
Speaker 2: he really discovered a lot about himself and had to
10:02
Speaker 2: let go of some ideals, like thinking that she was
10:04
Speaker 2: a teenager when she was an adult and treating her
10:06
Speaker 2: like a teenager, and how that doesn't work anymore, and
10:09
Speaker 2: like all these things, and we were like learning a
10:11
Speaker 2: lot and coming back to having a beautiful relationship. But
10:14
Speaker 2: he was apparently one of few in being able to
10:17
Speaker 2: see this, but like it have some of those points
10:19
Speaker 2: of views in that conversation. Interestingly about Oprah, because I
10:33
Speaker 2: don't know many people know the history of Oprah. I
10:36
Speaker 2: don't remember this. I'm not gonna lie because this was
10:38
Speaker 2: before my time. My mother loved us some Oprah, though
10:41
Speaker 2: loved some Oprah. One viewer actually who is a family
10:45
Speaker 2: relationship coach pointed out that it could be said Oprah
10:49
Speaker 2: was the beginning of such a phenomenon. So this is
10:52
Speaker 2: from a mom and mea article they write. Tania, who
10:54
Speaker 2: was the therapist or the coach, claimed Oprah's amplification of
10:58
Speaker 2: family estrangement started in the nineties and has continued to
11:01
Speaker 2: the present day. She referenced articles about toxic family dynamics
11:05
Speaker 2: on Oprah's website look at the chow. She wasn't neutral,
11:09
Speaker 2: she wasn't asking questions. She amplified the very messaging that
11:12
Speaker 2: contributed to millions of parents and children walking away from
11:15
Speaker 2: one another, she argued. The relationship coach, who has personal
11:18
Speaker 2: experience with exchangement, questioned why Oprah was shocked by the
11:22
Speaker 2: quote sudden heartbreaking epidemic when she had a quote hand
11:26
Speaker 2: in shaping.
11:27
Speaker 3: It Ah, and this apparently rattled Oprah because Oprah responded
11:33
Speaker 3: she said in a comment, happy to have a conversation
11:35
Speaker 3: about it, but not on a real We'll have my
11:37
Speaker 3: producer contact you if you're interested.
11:41
Speaker 2: Oprah doesn't comment. Yeah, she never has to. So she
11:46
Speaker 2: really felt that one because she does. She does have
11:49
Speaker 2: a whole history her mom was not great for her
11:52
Speaker 2: and really abusive, and she just had it, had enough,
11:55
Speaker 2: and so she went no contact essentially. I don't think
11:57
Speaker 2: it was called no contact obviously at that point in time,
12:00
Speaker 2: but like she kind of shaped that. So this creator,
12:03
Speaker 2: this coach was like a, uh, you are grifting at
12:07
Speaker 2: this point. You created this, and now you wanted to
12:09
Speaker 2: ask about this, which Oprah's influence into what we see
12:13
Speaker 2: today is alarming. That's a whole different conversation, but I
12:18
Speaker 2: thought that was super interesting in that and the question
12:22
Speaker 2: is a much bigger when we talk about childhood trauma
12:25
Speaker 2: and family responsibility, and it's interesting turn of like you're
12:30
Speaker 2: going to regret this and the such that that kind
12:34
Speaker 2: of conversation. If you do this, if you can't like
12:35
Speaker 2: close no content, you're going to regret things. You're not
12:38
Speaker 2: going to make things up, You're going to kind of
12:39
Speaker 2: that whole forgiving And we've talked about this someone who's dying,
12:43
Speaker 2: like do they deserve that forgiveness? Are you supposed to?
12:45
Speaker 2: Are you all these things? It's kind of that same
12:48
Speaker 2: look in psychology today had some thoughts too, like they
12:52
Speaker 2: were very ready to go. So the article was in
12:55
Speaker 2: response to the Oprah episode like she the counselor who
12:58
Speaker 2: was a licensed social worker, talked about this, and she
13:02
Speaker 2: writes this, also, it's easy to forget that our parents
13:05
Speaker 2: are people too. People make mistakes. We are not born
13:08
Speaker 2: with a gene for being a good parent. Show me
13:11
Speaker 2: a self centered parent, and I'll show you someone who
13:13
Speaker 2: probably didn't have great role models or lots of warm
13:16
Speaker 2: nurturing either. Naturally, this doesn't excuse herful behaviors. Nothing does.
13:20
Speaker 2: But when one's lens is compassionate and combined with the
13:23
Speaker 2: toolkit of navigating really really challenging conversations, there's truly a
13:27
Speaker 2: possibility for change. Relationships can improve over time, with work
13:32
Speaker 2: and sometimes with help Encouraging complete withdrawal from relationships leads
13:37
Speaker 2: to nothingness, and nothingness leads to nothing changing. Again, this
13:42
Speaker 2: comes back into the whole like we're going back to
13:46
Speaker 2: why won't you give them a chance? You have to
13:48
Speaker 2: help them change, putting the responsibility back on the children,
13:53
Speaker 2: which we've seen too much of. We've talked about this
13:56
Speaker 2: without Prunification episodes. We've talked about this with any of
13:59
Speaker 2: the trauma episodes. I'm sure Kristen and Caroline talked about
14:01
Speaker 2: them in the narcissist episodes that they've had before. There's
14:05
Speaker 2: a lot to be said when it's like, but if
14:07
Speaker 2: they don't change and the outcome is just continue pain,
14:15
Speaker 2: what does that look like?
14:17
Speaker 1: I think most people don't go no contact after like
14:20
Speaker 1: one instance.
14:22
Speaker 2: Exactly.
14:23
Speaker 1: It is a lot and you've probably spoken about it
14:28
Speaker 1: and it still goes on. So it's not like you're
14:32
Speaker 1: being a fragile, delicate Oh they've hurt my feelings this
14:36
Speaker 1: work time, they didn't give me one to continual behavior
14:41
Speaker 1: that hurts you.
14:42
Speaker 2: We have situations where divorce parents may have some things
14:46
Speaker 2: up and like like what are these things? Like there's
14:49
Speaker 2: there can be manipulation and things and circumstances that we
14:52
Speaker 2: don't always know, but absolutely one hundred between by an
14:55
Speaker 2: adult child who is probably twenty thirty forties who finally
15:00
Speaker 2: decide they cannot do this anymore. This has been years
15:04
Speaker 2: of something, This has been years of reasoning, and finally
15:07
Speaker 2: doing so takes a lot more strength because oftentimes that
15:10
Speaker 2: means you've been cut off by a whole section of yourself.
15:13
Speaker 2: Like that's painful to lose. Even when we talk about
15:17
Speaker 2: like traumatized abused victims, child abused victims I have seen
15:22
Speaker 2: are more likely to try to go back to their
15:23
Speaker 2: parents and try to leave, and they will defend their
15:26
Speaker 2: parents to no end. I have seen them. I have
15:29
Speaker 2: seen these cases. I have worked these cases where they
15:32
Speaker 2: will blatantly lie to my face because they don't want
15:36
Speaker 2: to get their parents in trouble, even though I see
15:39
Speaker 2: the bruises all over them, Like I have had cases
15:41
Speaker 2: where they have giant markings and I ask how this
15:45
Speaker 2: happened and they will full out light to me to
15:47
Speaker 2: protect their parents. So for them to get to be adults,
15:50
Speaker 2: to realize this situation is bad. It's like this, and
15:55
Speaker 2: I know people are going to be like, this is
15:57
Speaker 2: an extreme case, not everyone, but emotional abuse psychological abuse
16:03
Speaker 2: also very much exists, using children like they're your best
16:06
Speaker 2: friends instead of seeing them as children, using them as
16:09
Speaker 2: their conversational best friend that you need to talk crap
16:12
Speaker 2: about your husband, their father or like or you know
16:17
Speaker 2: their wife, whatever whatnot. It causes damage. Expecting to have
16:23
Speaker 2: the oldest child take care of all the children and
16:26
Speaker 2: I know whomen again, especially when we come to like mothers.
16:29
Speaker 2: They do the best they can, but then there's level
16:32
Speaker 2: of like not giving compassion to the child as well.
16:37
Speaker 2: That is exhausting. And I am someone who has not
16:41
Speaker 2: gone through this as an adopted child. I feel like
16:44
Speaker 2: I have a really good relationship outside of the politics,
16:47
Speaker 2: and when we get into those fights, we get into
16:49
Speaker 2: those fights because when it comes to humanity, I'm going
16:51
Speaker 2: to stick up for humanity, Like this is the fight
16:54
Speaker 2: I will always have. And they know this. They have
16:56
Speaker 2: done really well and making sure that it's not brought up.
17:00
Speaker 2: Don't talk about it, but they understand where I stand
17:02
Speaker 2: and they understand my red lines. We are still good,
17:05
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Like they are good people,
17:07
Speaker 2: and I would never go non contact at this time.
17:09
Speaker 2: There's nothing in my life that tells me that I
17:12
Speaker 2: need to. But I can absolutely see where people have to.
17:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, if a relationship is just hurting you,
17:23
Speaker 1: it does feel I get that. Sometimes we've been taught
17:29
Speaker 1: that that's a failure. But I do think if a
17:32
Speaker 1: relationship is just hurting you, I'm much more of a
17:35
Speaker 1: found family kind of person myself. Exactly. Find people that
17:40
Speaker 1: support you and take care of you, and you support
17:44
Speaker 1: them and take care of them and write that's it.
17:46
Speaker 1: I just think we've been taught to think that's that's
17:50
Speaker 1: a failure, just like women were taught divorce was a failure.
17:52
Speaker 1: And I sometimes you have to leave a relationship.
17:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, as you do. Interestingly, and I used that word
18:10
Speaker 2: a lot. Another TikTok creator named Jasmine Partita, and I
18:15
Speaker 2: think her site is Jasmine Partita's strategy said this as
18:19
Speaker 2: to why they think all of this content is coming up,
18:23
Speaker 2: And it's based on the filial law that is required
18:26
Speaker 2: for half the country, including state of Georgia, which and
18:30
Speaker 2: this is what that is explained by trust and will
18:33
Speaker 2: dot com. Filial responsibility is a legal concept in which
18:37
Speaker 2: an adult child is financially responsible for their parents unpaid
18:42
Speaker 2: healthcare costs. Not all states have filial responsibility laws, and
18:47
Speaker 2: not all families are liable. So in this they talk
18:50
Speaker 2: about what it means. In short, an individual could have
18:54
Speaker 2: falilal responsibility if they have the means to pay for
18:57
Speaker 2: their parents unpaid long term case bill when their parents
19:01
Speaker 2: are not covered by Medicaid, but do not have the
19:03
Speaker 2: financial means to pay for them. Also, seemingly some places
19:10
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter if you can, if you're able to
19:12
Speaker 2: afford it, you're still given the bill.
19:16
Speaker 1: Yes, and kind of related, there's been a lot of
19:20
Speaker 1: talk recently about because we got kind of this like
19:24
Speaker 1: boomer generation who's all aging, and that the idea has been, oh,
19:31
Speaker 1: you'll inherit their house and everything, but inheriting the house
19:35
Speaker 1: actually comes with a lot of debt, like often a
19:39
Speaker 1: lot of debt, a lot of a lot of people
19:41
Speaker 1: don't want to move into that house, so you got
19:43
Speaker 1: to sell the house, you got to find like it is.
19:48
Speaker 1: That was one of my first thoughts when you were
19:50
Speaker 1: talking about these kind of older people, being like, don't
19:53
Speaker 1: cut off contact with your family kids is because you know,
19:58
Speaker 1: you don't have the If you don't have a kids,
20:00
Speaker 1: who's going to take care of you and who's going
20:02
Speaker 1: to take care of the house and who's gonna do
20:03
Speaker 1: all that stuff? Just a very like dark way to
20:08
Speaker 1: think about it, But it is, It's true. It's the
20:10
Speaker 1: reality we live in.
20:11
Speaker 2: You right well, And this is again maybe an underlying
20:13
Speaker 2: point of how the country is cutting down Medicaid coverage completely,
20:17
Speaker 2: like if not absolutely, and many places apparently you can
20:21
Speaker 2: be jilled for not being able to for some of
20:24
Speaker 2: these things. I saw a couple of articles where ninety
20:27
Speaker 2: like one man was sued for ninety three thousand dollars
20:31
Speaker 2: for a woman who went into nursing homes that he
20:35
Speaker 2: had nothing to do with. He did not sign any papers.
20:37
Speaker 2: I think he had cut off contact. Within that video,
20:42
Speaker 2: I had people, I saw people commenting. One person was
20:44
Speaker 2: talking about, my father was an addict. He left me.
20:48
Speaker 2: I was in the system, and I am now under
20:51
Speaker 2: him for some of the things that he had gotten
20:53
Speaker 2: for charges, an OH, restitution for like so many like
20:57
Speaker 2: different levels of like what is happening? And so this
21:00
Speaker 2: conversation is this older generation is kind of freaking out
21:03
Speaker 2: a little bit and saying, please, don't have them cut
21:06
Speaker 2: us off, because who's going to take over and take
21:09
Speaker 2: these responsibilities? Also, who's going to take care of us? Also,
21:11
Speaker 2: who's going to look after us all these things? Is
21:13
Speaker 2: it a government ploy? Because also we know, like we
21:16
Speaker 2: were talking about the property Trump tried to sign, I
21:18
Speaker 2: don't know if it was successful, in which if you
21:21
Speaker 2: cannot pay the property tax within a certain short term
21:24
Speaker 2: for the inheritance of a billion, then they can take
21:26
Speaker 2: it without any payment. They just take it. So government
21:31
Speaker 2: can take land. It's like seizing of land for you
21:33
Speaker 2: not being able to pay like fifty thousand dollars worth
21:35
Speaker 2: of taxes for land, which is obscene in itself. There's
21:40
Speaker 2: a lot of conversation in this what is the reasoning,
21:44
Speaker 2: what is the background? Who is what is the motivation? Again,
21:48
Speaker 2: I did not watch all of the Oprah ones, but
21:50
Speaker 2: she at least had kind of a two sided conversation
21:55
Speaker 2: in this as where mel Robbins seems to really want
21:59
Speaker 2: to push this, Well, they're never gonna change, so you
22:02
Speaker 2: just need to accept them haha, and we're like, or
22:05
Speaker 2: we cut them off. Yeah, yeah, I don't have to
22:10
Speaker 2: forget them. I can move on. There was someone and
22:14
Speaker 2: I don't know if she was siding with the patients
22:19
Speaker 2: who are dying or the family, because I've seen different
22:22
Speaker 2: people have like hospice nurses who talk about how they've
22:27
Speaker 2: had to make contact with their family members of these
22:30
Speaker 2: dying patients, and her realizing these children do not owe
22:36
Speaker 2: this dying patient anything, and I have to remember that
22:38
Speaker 2: I can't take that personally. Even if they are good
22:40
Speaker 2: to me, they did something to them that to the
22:42
Speaker 2: family members is unforgivable and I have to let that
22:45
Speaker 2: be and I have to accept their wishes as much
22:48
Speaker 2: as my dying patient. Like it was this conversation in
22:51
Speaker 2: this one the converse. She was talking about how seeing
22:53
Speaker 2: that I think like them leaving letters and whether or
22:56
Speaker 2: not they should be able to send those letters or not.
22:59
Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, that's a feel like that could
23:01
Speaker 2: be real ugly if they don't have contact and you're
23:04
Speaker 2: forcing them to read a letter that they are they
23:07
Speaker 2: can't ever get closure from. That seems evil.
23:13
Speaker 1: My dad did Dad? Oh no, he didn't. We weren't
23:16
Speaker 1: no contact, but we were very uh contact. We were
23:20
Speaker 1: a very strange relationship. And he left me a letter.
23:25
Speaker 1: I did not read it for years.
23:28
Speaker 2: That's right, Oh, that's right.
23:29
Speaker 1: And then I had a friend read it for me
23:32
Speaker 1: just to like give give me the quick notes about it. Yeah,
23:36
Speaker 1: and it was fine. It was not anything good, It
23:39
Speaker 1: wasn't anything major. But he did do that. But I
23:41
Speaker 1: think that's also when you have a friend who you
23:43
Speaker 1: can be like, please read this and he's very traumatic
23:47
Speaker 1: letter and it was long, it was so many pages.
23:53
Speaker 1: But she did it. She and I still haven't read it.
23:55
Speaker 1: I took her description. I was like, got it.
23:59
Speaker 2: All right, amazing. I mean, that's a great way to
24:01
Speaker 2: do it. Also with the therapist. But yeah, so there's
24:05
Speaker 2: a lot to be said in this conversation and to
24:09
Speaker 2: our people out there. We've talked about this again, like
24:11
Speaker 2: I've talked about how I've had to avoid some situations
24:15
Speaker 2: and really being very like candidate in that I cannot
24:19
Speaker 2: deal with this. This is my livelihood, and I feel
24:22
Speaker 2: like some of my family does not respect that. I
24:25
Speaker 2: think we've become better in these terms, and I think
24:28
Speaker 2: they had any You and I talked about the fact
24:30
Speaker 2: that they're starting to regret some decisions they've made as
24:32
Speaker 2: of late, which I love seeing. But with that respecting
24:37
Speaker 2: that you have boundaries. And I don't know why we're backtracking,
24:40
Speaker 2: and I hope we're not. I hope the backlash to
24:43
Speaker 2: these creators or to this episodes and content is a
24:48
Speaker 2: good sign that we don't backtrack in that. Yeah, you
24:52
Speaker 2: have the right to have happiness and freedom as well,
24:57
Speaker 2: like that is something that's part of supposed to be
25:00
Speaker 2: our constitutional rights, you know, but we know that's been
25:07
Speaker 2: changing to anyway. But with that, to find your peace
25:11
Speaker 2: as well, and to do what you need to do,
25:13
Speaker 2: whether it's to be with your found family, whether it's
25:16
Speaker 2: to be by yourself and let yourself do what you
25:19
Speaker 2: need to do, or whether it is that you need
25:22
Speaker 2: a conclusion and you do want to try to patch
25:24
Speaker 2: things up. That's amazing that that is a great place
25:27
Speaker 2: to be if you can get to that point and
25:29
Speaker 2: if you're able to get to that point, but also
25:31
Speaker 2: that you have the free will to do so, and
25:34
Speaker 2: I hope that that comes in an understanding that you
25:37
Speaker 2: do so for yourself and for you You need to do.
25:44
Speaker 1: Yeah from a healthy place. And I also know that
25:48
Speaker 1: this is very different in different cultures. So if you
25:54
Speaker 1: have any thoughts on that or on this whole conversation,
25:59
Speaker 1: please let us know. We I hope all of you
26:01
Speaker 1: are doing as well as you can be in these
26:04
Speaker 1: stressful times, and we would love to hear from you.
26:07
Speaker 1: You can email us at Hello at stuff Iannever Told
26:09
Speaker 1: You dot com. You can find us on Blue Sky
26:11
Speaker 1: Mom Stuff podcast or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff
26:13
Speaker 1: I've Never Told You. We're also on YouTube. We have
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Speaker 1: some new merchandise at Commonpiro and we have a book
26:18
Speaker 1: that you can get wherever you get your books. Thanks
26:20
Speaker 1: says too, our Sue of Bruce Castina exector brusin my
26:23
Speaker 1: Introjutor Joey, thank you and thanks to you for listening.
26:26
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