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38 | The Deuce is Loose · You Didn't Ask For This

0:00
Matt: Oh, Eric, uh, you know what, actually, I don't know that I can record tonight, actually.
0:04
Matt: Uh a yeah, a a family thing just popped up.
0:07
Eric: Oh, oh Matt.
0:09
Eric: See, that was good.
0:11
Matt: Yeah, you fucking believed me, didn't you?
0:12
Eric: Like, I believed you believed what I just like think about it.
0:18
Matt: I was thinking about this the other day, okay?
0:20
Eric: Yeah.
0:20
Matt: When you lay down, I got a family thing.
0:24
Matt: Family emergency.
0:26
Eric: It is it is the nuclear option of excuses.
0:29
Matt: It is the ultimate excuse to get out of things.
0:33
Eric: It is the excuse to end all excuses.
0:34
Matt: Because like let let's put it in some scenarios, right?
0:38
Matt: If you say it to a boss, right?
0:40
Matt: Yep.
0:41
Matt: Of, hey, I I gotta take off tomorrow because uh got family emergency.
0:45
Matt: If you say specifically family emergency, what kind of person would come at you with, oh yeah, I'm so sorry to hear that?
0:55
Matt: What kind of family emergency?
0:58
Eric: Yeah, that's like fucking weird.
1:00
Matt: Yeah.
1:00
Eric: I think at that point you get to report them.
1:02
Matt: I mean, in a work setting for sure.
1:04
Eric: Yeah.
1:05
Matt: Um you know, because if you say, I got a family thing or something, they might say, Oh, I hope everything's okay.
1:11
Eric: Oh yeah, oh, I hope, I hope everything's you know, best wishes.
1:14
Matt: And then you you got you can you get right out of that conversation.
1:18
Eric: But they're not gonna be like, What?
1:20
Eric: Like, what is it?
1:22
Matt: Oh, your grandpa died.
1:24
Matt: You mind showing me a body?
1:27
Eric: You got a receipt?
1:28
Matt: Yeah, you got a picture of that corpse for me.
1:31
Matt: No one's gonna do that.
1:33
Matt: They'd be a monster.
1:34
Eric: You'd be a fucking monster.
1:36
Eric: To that end though, like I have on many occasions at many jobs used the oh hey, I've got like a family thing.
1:44
Eric: I I won't be able to I I'll I'll freely admit that.
1:47
Eric: Like, I'm not gonna.
1:49
Eric: That's what I'm saying.
1:49
Eric: But what I what I have never done and will never do, okay.
1:54
Eric: Uh I've never gone more specific than that.
1:58
Eric: Like, I've never been like, oh shit, uh my brother's in the hospital.
2:03
Eric: Like, no, that like that is that is sociopath shit.
2:08
Eric: Um I I keep it as vague, like a family matter requires my urgent attention.
2:14
Eric: Right.
2:14
Eric: And sure enough, the thing that requires my urgent attention is there's a family matters marathon on TV right now.
2:21
Matt: I I have a I have an urgent family matter to take care of in Bermuda.
2:26
Matt: I I just have to go.
2:27
Eric: Keep it so fucking vague that they're like, they just just let their imagination do the rest.
2:33
Matt: Yeah, I mean, especially if you're rushing, you know, if you're dropping everything, then it's a great excuse to get out of that, you know, bar visit, bar vi.
2:44
Matt: I just said bar visit.
2:45
Eric: Bar visit is what I said.
2:46
Eric: Yep.
2:47
Eric: Or like you've overslept.
2:49
Eric: It's also so perfect because like it doesn't matter, like it could be, you know, you were supposed to be at work at eight.
2:54
Eric: It's like you wake up, it's like 9 45.
2:57
Eric: Yeah, you know, like and like you're like, oh god, what?
2:59
Eric: There's a family matter, and they're like, oh, oh god.
3:01
Matt: So sorry I'm late.
3:02
Matt: I was dealing with a family matter.
3:05
Eric: The only thing that would stress me out is like, and this is specific, this is why you never go specific.
3:11
Eric: You don't, because A, you don't want to, you don't roll those cosmic dice.
3:15
Eric: No, you don't be like, oh, my aunt, you know, got her leg eaten.
3:20
Eric: Like, because then your leg will get her aunt eaten.
3:23
Eric: Your leg will get her aunt eaten.
3:25
Eric: Your leg will get your leg will get her aunt eaten and like shit like that.
3:30
Eric: But also you don't want to show up to work the next day and like, oh, we passed around a card and gathered money and to replace your legs.
3:37
Matt: Because they can't legs.
3:39
Matt: They can't get a card if they don't know what the situation is.
3:44
Matt: Exactly.
3:45
Matt: And you know, I I I think I can't come up with a specific uh scenario at the moment, but I do think in my younger, immature days, I might have pulled a specific.
3:58
Eric: I might have said a grandma, a grandma had a medical.
4:02
Matt: I never said someone died dude and die.
4:04
Eric: No, I'd never guarantee in like for in college, I guarantee it had to happen once.
4:09
Eric: Like I like I was up against a deadline or in like high school or something.
4:13
Eric: And the reason I can't remember because I guarantee I did it once and then felt like a piece of shit for like a year.
4:20
Matt: That's what happened to me.
4:22
Matt: I I I once missed, and it's actually something that we were both in.
4:26
Matt: It was a stage combat course.
4:29
Matt: And I couldn't make it, and I did invent a fall of my grandmother that never took place.
4:38
Matt: But I was then so worried about the cosmic dice that as you put it, that I never did it again.
4:44
Matt: But also, once I became a a more mature liar, I it goes against the first principle of lying, which is never to lie that can be easily and verified uh yes, it can be easily disproven or verified one way, yeah.
5:05
SPEAKER_06: Don't not vague.
5:07
SPEAKER_06: Vague.
5:08
Matt: Keep it vague if you're gonna lie to get out of a fr to get a Friday off.
5:13
Eric: Oh, speaking of which, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta end the cold open.
5:17
Matt: My my cat is your cat Amelia Bedelia.
5:19
Matt: What's wrong with Amelia Bedelia?
5:22
Matt: Eric?
5:23
Matt: Eric.
5:25
Matt: Oh shit, she's dead.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: Never go specific, Eric! Bye!
5:46
Matt: Hello and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This, a podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
5:54
Matt: My name is Matt Shea.
5:56
Matt: My name is Eric Poach.
5:57
Matt: And joining us today, we have a very exciting guest.
6:01
Matt: We've mentioned him several times on this show from many, many a question that's been submitted.
6:07
Matt: We're talking, of course, about radio personality, geek, and podcast, podcast guest.
6:13
Matt: I almost fucked up the medium's name.
6:16
Matt: You forgot to add in Living Saint.
6:18
Matt: Oh, Living Saint and Podcast Guest on the Neatcast, F Cultured Cat Podcasters Assemble, and others who tolerate him, which now includes us.
6:29
Matt: Please welcome Zach Deuce to the program.
6:32
SPEAKER_02: Oh, you know, I was so excited when you were listing everything in this special guest, and I really expected you to say Dairy King 11, and then you said my name, and I'm a little sad, but uh I'm okay with that.
6:46
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
6:46
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, the king isn't here, but I know.
6:49
Matt: Oh my gosh.
6:50
Eric: I also, Zach, I don't I I don't know if you can hear that, but it it's the sound of all of our subscribers just dropping us like a hot sack of garbage so they can flock to wherever they can hear your beautiful golden like god voice.
7:05
Matt: Yes.
7:06
Matt: If you haven't listened to these many, many shows, which I want to commend you, Zach, first of all.
7:12
Matt: Okay, somehow, really getting a job I didn't know existed, which was professional podcast guest.
7:21
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
7:22
SPEAKER_02: Uh I didn't realize it was a job either, but that's the great thing uh I guess about not having your own podcast.
7:29
SPEAKER_02: You're a professional guest.
7:31
SPEAKER_02: Always a bridesmaid, but never the host, I guess is the way to go.
7:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, never the editor, too, I would think.
7:37
SPEAKER_02: Uh I do editing for uh podcasters assemble.
7:41
SPEAKER_02: I help out with that.
7:42
SPEAKER_02: Uh but that is a whole endeavor when you've got a multitude of people submitting audio.
7:48
SPEAKER_02: Like kind of you guys remember the I Love the 80s and 90s shows?
7:51
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if they still God, I fucking love those shows.
7:56
SPEAKER_02: So that's what that's what we do with Casters Assemble, but it's all movie-based.
8:00
SPEAKER_02: So right now we're going through all the Batman movies.
8:02
Eric: Oh, oh, which one are you on?
8:05
SPEAKER_02: They just did returns, right?
8:06
SPEAKER_02: Uh uh, we just, yeah, we're we're editing right now Forever and uh Robin, which was painful when there was a lot of drinking.
8:14
SPEAKER_02: Uh we just submitted Begins.
8:16
SPEAKER_02: So Dark Knight uh is next, and then Rises, and then the Batman.
8:22
SPEAKER_02: So that's gonna those will all be coming out probably over the next month-ish.
8:25
SPEAKER_04: Very.
8:26
SPEAKER_02: Maybe a couple weeks.
8:27
SPEAKER_02: So we'll have to uh I'll have to keep you boys updated because after Batman, we've got um Jurassic Park.
8:34
SPEAKER_02: So you guys can submit for that if you want.
8:36
Eric: Yeah, I need I need to I need to get out on these Batman.
8:39
Eric: I'm shameless Batman.
8:41
Eric: I was Batman every year for Halloween for 13 years.
8:44
Matt: The first time I met Eric Poach, he was wearing a uh Joker shirt, a Heath Ledger Joker shirt.
8:51
Matt: Oh god, I remember that shit.
8:52
Matt: And confirm.
8:53
Matt: Yes, it was just from the poster with the card, you know.
8:55
Matt: Yeah, oh yeah.
8:56
Matt: Yes.
8:56
Eric: Uh we've all been to a hot topic.
8:58
Matt: We've all been those still exist?
9:00
Eric: Those still around?
9:01
Eric: Oh yes.
9:02
Matt: Yeah, they're hidden behind what the remains of a Spencer's.
9:05
Matt: Yes.
9:07
SPEAKER_02: Thank God you made that joke.
9:08
Eric: That's where it was going to.
9:10
Eric: And somewhere off in the distance, like a lone priest steps out of a hollowed, you know, shell of a Suncoast video.
9:19
Matt: Oh well, that's brought me back a couple decades.
9:22
Matt: Thank you guys.
9:23
Matt: Oh, absolutely.
9:24
Matt: Thank you.
9:25
Matt: So uh so Zach, we um, as you know very well, we answer life's least pressing questions on this show.
9:32
Matt: And I understand you've you've brought some along for us.
9:35
Matt: Is that correct?
9:36
Matt: That was the homework.
9:37
SPEAKER_02: So I did my best to come up with questions that I wanted to be.
9:43
SPEAKER_02: You guys, what I want to say, I want to commend you on your uh creativity, your originality.
9:50
SPEAKER_02: You go, you don't just answer the question, you go beyond the answer and you find additional answers to every question.
9:58
SPEAKER_02: Right when I think I've got the answer, I go, perfect.
10:01
SPEAKER_02: But then Eric goes off on a tangent and I go, all right, I'm gonna take this exit with Eric right now.
10:06
SPEAKER_02: I don't know where the hell it's going, but boy, it was a fun trip.
10:10
SPEAKER_02: And I'll tell you something, neither does Eric.
10:14
SPEAKER_02: Eric, as Eric's driving, I always envision it that he and I are sitting in the front seat and he's talking to me, but he's not looking at the road.
10:22
SPEAKER_02: It's just him staring at me as we're having the conversation.
10:25
Eric: Every scene in every movie that stresses me out, I'm like, they're about to get swipe, someone's gonna T-bone them.
10:31
SPEAKER_02: Yep every dime.
10:32
SPEAKER_02: You're right.
10:32
Eric: I'm gonna get jump scared every time.
10:35
SPEAKER_02: And I'm never prepared because either it doesn't come or it does come.
10:39
SPEAKER_02: It just doesn't.
10:39
SPEAKER_02: I pucker every time.
10:41
SPEAKER_02: Doesn't help.
10:44
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so so Zach, what are these questions you've brought for us?
10:48
SPEAKER_02: All right.
10:48
SPEAKER_02: Uh are we going one by one?
10:50
SPEAKER_02: Do you want me to throw out a bunch of them?
10:51
SPEAKER_02: How do you want to approach this?
10:53
SPEAKER_02: How many you got?
10:54
SPEAKER_02: I got eight total.
10:57
Eric: Love it.
10:58
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
10:59
Eric: Do you have any favorites?
11:00
Eric: Do you have any like ones that you're like, I gotta, like I gotta.
11:03
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's a good one.
11:04
SPEAKER_02: I don't see one that is, oh, this is my favorite.
11:08
SPEAKER_02: I tried to come up with decent, decent-ish ones.
11:12
SPEAKER_02: Uh and of course that's my my level of measurement.
11:16
SPEAKER_02: Uh I uh we can just go down the list.
11:18
SPEAKER_02: How about that?
11:19
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, hell yeah.
11:20
SPEAKER_02: Just run it down for us.
11:21
SPEAKER_02: All right.
11:21
SPEAKER_02: So, first off, what happens if you get scared half to death twice?
11:30
SPEAKER_02: What happens?
11:31
Matt: Sure.
11:32
Matt: Okay, sure.
11:33
SPEAKER_02: Mathematically, death.
11:35
Eric: Well, mathematically one would think.
11:38
Eric: Mathematically, if you get scared half to death twice, so you get scared half to death, right?
11:44
Eric: You're at 50% life.
11:47
Eric: If you get scared half to death again, you're only going 50% of 50%.
11:52
SPEAKER_02: But it are it depends if you are going that approach of half of that half, or are we still going half of the original sum?
12:00
SPEAKER_02: So I guess we're doing this question then.
12:01
Eric: Is that no, yeah.
12:02
Eric: We're in it, we're in it right now, Matthew.
12:04
Eric: I'm on the scene.
12:05
Eric: Um, so we're talking about it.
12:06
Eric: Oh yeah, local.
12:08
Matt: Our live reporter, yeah.
12:09
Eric: Yeah, I'm here with local man scared half to death.
12:13
Eric: I'm trying to think of like what I wanna, I wanna I wanna know what it feels like.
12:19
Eric: Because I'm now I'm also wondering.
12:21
Eric: So is it does half of your body just stop functioning?
12:26
Eric: If so, you've been scared to death.
12:29
Eric: It's just taking a while.
12:31
Eric: So like it's just and which half?
12:33
SPEAKER_02: Are we going bottom half?
12:34
SPEAKER_02: Because that's gonna make me very sad for a while.
12:37
SPEAKER_02: But is it like left or right hand side?
12:39
Eric: Yes, does it what does it feel like?
12:41
Eric: What at what point do you go?
12:43
Eric: Oh, that was half of it.
12:45
Eric: That was half of my life.
12:48
Eric: That's just gone.
12:49
Eric: That's it.
12:50
Eric: That that's that's half.
12:52
Eric: That's that was that's probably what scares you to half to death the second time.
12:56
Eric: Is the realization of how little you lost the first time?
13:01
Eric: You're like, wait, what?
13:02
Eric: That's all I had to work with.
13:04
Matt: No wonder it flashes before your eyes.
13:07
Matt: Um, okay, so what are the other seven?
13:12
SPEAKER_02: Matt goes, I don't know if I want to go down.
13:15
Eric: We are staying on course.
13:17
Matt: I I just want to know the options.
13:19
SPEAKER_02: Okay, all right.
13:20
SPEAKER_02: So uh another one that's gonna give you a lot of options would be what Disney princess would make the best spy?
13:29
SPEAKER_02: Dig that.
13:31
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
13:31
SPEAKER_02: Now here's another more simple one.
13:34
SPEAKER_02: If you drop the soap on the floor, does the floor become clean or does the soap become dirty?
13:41
Matt: Not where I thought that question was going.
13:43
Matt: What a delightful surprise.
13:44
Matt: Which I do appreciate.
13:46
SPEAKER_02: I've been on many dark places of the internet.
13:48
SPEAKER_02: I know how to keep it clean.
13:49
SPEAKER_02: Don't worry.
13:50
Matt: Oh, wow.
13:51
SPEAKER_02: Here's another uh another one that you can interpret how you want.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: How many chickens would it take to kill an elephant?
14:00
Matt: Love that.
14:01
Matt: Okay.
14:02
Matt: I I love that.
14:03
Matt: I'm just I I'm so shocked by it.
14:06
Eric: That is fertile ground.
14:07
SPEAKER_02: All right.
14:08
SPEAKER_02: More more animals.
14:09
SPEAKER_02: Because why not?
14:10
Eric: Yeah.
14:11
SPEAKER_02: If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
14:18
SPEAKER_02: Uh I I think I know the technical answer to that.
14:23
SPEAKER_02: If uh if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
14:32
Eric: Very good, very good.
14:33
SPEAKER_02: Um why do we say something is out of whack?
14:38
SPEAKER_02: And what, Pray Tell, is a whack?
14:40
SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
14:41
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
14:42
SPEAKER_02: That's got legs for sure, I think.
14:44
SPEAKER_02: Last and final question.
14:46
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
14:47
SPEAKER_02: Do our fine fellow friends down in Australia call the rest of the world up and over?
14:55
SPEAKER_02: Fuck.
14:57
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
14:58
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
14:59
SPEAKER_06: Oh, God.
15:00
SPEAKER_02: What a question that is.
15:03
SPEAKER_02: We kind of we kinda already uh well, Eric and I kind of went down a tangent on the first question.
15:08
SPEAKER_02: No, half to death.
15:09
SPEAKER_02: I I don't know.
15:09
SPEAKER_02: That could still be fertile ground to be.
15:12
Eric: The deuce is loose.
15:13
Eric: That's all I'll say.
15:16
SPEAKER_02: Well, that's gonna be messy and problematic later.
15:21
SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
15:23
Matt: Deuces the you you this can't be the first time someone's uncorked that at you.
15:29
Eric: Look, Deuce is wild.
15:30
Eric: That's all.
15:31
Eric: Deuces Wild has been.
15:32
Eric: I'm saying someone has to have said that one.
15:34
Eric: If they haven't, what the fuck?
15:36
Matt: Get them out of your system now, Eric.
15:38
Matt: You know.
15:38
Eric: I know.
15:39
Eric: I know.
15:40
Eric: I've been sitting on Deuce is Wild all day, just like, I gotta.
15:43
Matt: Just any others you want to get out that you got a Deuce Bigelogue joke up there you want to lose?
15:47
Eric: No, I am above certain things.
15:49
Eric: It did occur to me, but I I I shunned it.
15:51
Eric: I pushed it aside.
15:53
Matt: Yes, you've become so discerning over 38 episodes.
15:57
SPEAKER_02: He's grown I want to say he's grown a lot.
15:59
SPEAKER_02: He's really he's really come into his own.
16:03
SPEAKER_02: They're no longer trying to leap out of your body, so it's okay.
16:07
SPEAKER_02: Oh man, Zach, these are such good quests, Jazz.
16:11
SPEAKER_02: Well, it the the the game, the game is yours.
16:13
SPEAKER_02: Where do you win though?
16:15
Matt: I I I I I I I perked up for sure at out of whack.
16:20
Matt: I've never thought critically about that question.
16:21
Matt: Yeah, let's get into this.
16:22
Matt: All right.
16:23
Matt: Do you want to continue with the half-to-death uh question as well?
16:27
Matt: Or I mean it was so good we launched right into it.
16:30
Eric: I I think I think we left them wanting a lot more in that we gave them no resolution.
16:37
Eric: So I'm happy to move on to another question.
16:39
Matt: As we always do.
16:40
Eric: I want to ride that energy right now.
16:43
Matt: We always leave them wanting actual answers.
16:46
SPEAKER_02: Always leave them wanting more, especially if it's an actual answer.
16:50
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
16:51
Eric: Always leave them wanting competency.
16:53
Matt: Even if it's wanting anything more.
16:55
Matt: Um so wax.
16:58
Matt: So okay, so let's start with the wax.
17:00
Matt: And what about uh uh the trees, the chicken elephant?
17:05
Eric: I would say yes, how much yes, chickens, elephants speaks to my soul on a personal level.
17:11
Matt: Okay.
17:12
Matt: I can't wait to hear this.
17:14
Matt: All right, so so out of whack.
17:16
Matt: Um when something is so g what was it exactly again?
17:20
SPEAKER_02: Why do we say it's a two-part question?
17:22
SPEAKER_02: Why do we say something is out of whack?
17:26
SPEAKER_02: First of all, why do why do we say, ah, my you know, my my car is acting out of whack, my phone's out of whack?
17:33
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
17:33
SPEAKER_02: All right.
17:34
SPEAKER_02: Why do we say that?
17:36
SPEAKER_02: And then what Pray tell is a whack.
17:39
Eric: What is it?
17:40
Eric: Because normally if something's like wacky, that means it's dysfunctional.
17:44
Eric: It's not working.
17:45
Eric: So when I say it's out of whack, you would think that would be a good thing.
17:48
Eric: I'm out of the goofy zone.
17:50
Eric: I'm out of the bad place.
17:52
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
17:53
SPEAKER_06: But it's not.
17:53
SPEAKER_06: But it's not.
17:54
SPEAKER_06: It's bad.
17:56
Eric: Like it makes me oh, go on.
17:58
Eric: So you had a now?
17:58
Eric: You had a now?
17:59
Eric: No, no, no, no, please.
18:00
Eric: Well, it makes me think like, is whack a state of like a like it is it is out of whack, whack being some sort of positive state, or could whack potentially be a fuel source of some kind.
18:16
Matt: Perhaps, perhaps though, uh uh uh not a fuel source, but perhaps a fix.
18:22
Matt: Because what jumped to my mind is if in the back in the olden days when uh TVs were uh more square than they are now.
18:33
Matt: You're saying their hip now?
18:35
Matt: What no no no when they what I'm saying Yes, yes, but before they were cool.
18:40
Matt: No, when they were giant and they had coils, uh how many films slash times did you watch your father go up to the side of the thing and give it a whack to get it in place?
18:54
Matt: As one might still do with a pesky bit of technology, and perhaps the whack is putting it back in place, a fix that as far as I know, science has never shown to be uh effective.
19:10
Matt: Well But who knows who's to say?
19:13
Eric: Who's to say it's worked for me a good number of times in a few alarming situations.
19:19
Eric: It has.
19:20
Eric: Um, but no, I like that.
19:21
Eric: So is out of whack meaning like it is beyond like like normally I just whack it and it's fixed.
19:27
Matt: Well, that's what I'm saying.
19:28
Matt: The whack that's what I'm saying.
19:30
Matt: Something is out of whack when it requires the whack to get Oh.
19:35
SPEAKER_02: You give it you then replenish, you replenish it's then whack.
19:39
SPEAKER_02: You repl you replenish the whack.
19:41
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
19:42
SPEAKER_06: Oh, I like this explanation.
19:50
Matt: Now I can explain that.
19:51
Matt: And so then is so is is the whack in that case just literally a whack?
19:56
Eric: Yeah.
19:57
Eric: I mean, the only other thing I've got is like if you're if if you're a comic book artist during the Great Depression, you've got a very low budget for your onomatopoeia and you ran out of some of them.
20:09
Eric: What?
20:11
Eric: I'm out of whack, man.
20:13
Eric: Good guy hit the bad guy.
20:14
Eric: All I've got is biff, buff, uh uh, you know, I've got a zing, but it doesn't really fit this comic panel.
20:22
Matt: You dug for that one, I gotta say.
20:26
Matt: You really mind that out of there.
20:28
Eric: You know the worst part is I was so fucking proud of myself from the guest.
20:32
Eric: As soon as I was like, oh, that's fucking brilliant.
20:34
Matt: I mean I mean, it is brilliant in the sense that I had to clarify what you were talking about.
20:41
Matt: Jokes are always better when you explain them.
20:43
SPEAKER_02: I've learned that absolutely communicated with an audience.
20:49
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
20:50
Eric: Also, a great way, like the best ex exit off the bit highway is is just sipping water audibly.
20:57
Matt: Nice.
20:58
Matt: Nice.
21:00
Matt: Okay.
21:00
Matt: Well, uh that so that's an explanation.
21:03
Matt: I you know it is an explanation.
21:05
Matt: You are correct.
21:06
Matt: Is it the explanation or is there more to uh mine here?
21:10
SPEAKER_02: Do do we really need to keep digging?
21:12
Eric: I I'm mad, I'm gonna I'm actually kind of mad because you you nailed it like pretty much immediately.
21:21
Matt: Well, hey, you know what they say, you hit gold, stop digging.
21:24
Matt: So I know.
21:25
Matt: I think that's our answer.
21:26
Eric: Then I want to talk about killing elephants.
21:28
Eric: Okay, all right.
21:29
Matt: Let's let's get into this.
21:31
Matt: So we've got chickens, and you so the question, if I remember correctly, is how many chickens does it take to kill an elephant?
21:37
SPEAKER_02: Yes, how many chickens would it take to kill an elephant?
21:40
Eric: Now we could go the boring route and say technically one, it could choke on it.
21:45
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
21:47
Eric: But I I am envisioning the the the battle of the ages.
21:52
Eric: Like it I don't know what what like mammalian insult was laid, yeah, even though chickens are.
22:00
Eric: Aren't mammals, I think.
22:02
Eric: Are chickens mammals?
22:03
Eric: Holy shit.
22:03
Eric: I'm 32.
22:05
Eric: I'm about to be 32 years old.
22:07
Eric: They're birds.
22:08
Eric: And birds aren't mammals.
22:10
Matt: I don't think so.
22:10
Matt: Not last I checked.
22:11
Matt: Okay, good.
22:12
Matt: You know what?
22:13
Matt: We're gonna get on.
22:13
Matt: I'm gonna I'm gonna dramaturg.
22:15
SPEAKER_02: You know, that's another that's another good question we could ask.
22:18
SPEAKER_02: Our chickens, mammals.
22:19
Eric: Yeah, and the fact that you were Googling this, Matt, is giving me great comfort right now.
22:23
Eric: I was like, oh god, have I made it this far?
22:27
Eric: I don't know, they're avians, but I don't They're avians.
22:30
Eric: Okay, thank god.
22:31
SPEAKER_02: There's only two mammals that lay eggs.
22:33
SPEAKER_02: That's uh the platypus and what the echidna?
22:35
SPEAKER_02: What the fuck is an echidna?
22:37
Eric: I knew about the platypus, the echidna knuckles from Sonic and Knuckles is an echidna.
22:41
SPEAKER_02: I know platypus does.
22:43
SPEAKER_02: I forget if the echidna lays eggs.
22:44
SPEAKER_02: Platypus does though.
22:46
Matt: We have never had a platypus question up until this point.
22:49
Matt: Isn't that amazing?
22:50
Matt: Submit your platypus questions to us.
22:52
Matt: Zach, before before, before we go any further, Zach, I I want to ask a question uh could get some background on um on your question.
23:00
Matt: Oh.
23:01
Matt: And that is, how did we get here?
23:04
Matt: How did you come how did you get a few years?
23:06
SPEAKER_02: Did you wake up in a cold sweat?
23:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, how did you get to this fight?
23:09
SPEAKER_02: Bad decisions in life got me here, really.
23:12
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
23:13
SPEAKER_02: Um really it is what questions would let Eric and Matt expand their horizons, their brain, use over 20% of their brain, because we limit ourselves without knowing it.
23:30
SPEAKER_02: But allowing you guys to just open the third eye and really dive deep into the absurdity of what I have brought you.
23:39
SPEAKER_02: Um but still trying to keep it at uh ground level.
23:45
Matt: Now uh well I I appreciate that because quite frankly, uh I think twenty percent of our brains is an overestimation, if anything.
23:52
Matt: Aaron Ross Powell Well, I was speaking about you two.
23:54
Matt: That's what I mean.
23:56
Matt: I think we're more clocking in at like eight.
24:00
Matt: But but we'll set that aside.
24:02
Matt: Um and I agree, Eric.
24:04
Matt: The easy answer is to say I could choke on a chicken, it only takes one.
24:08
Matt: But that's not what the people want, I don't think.
24:10
Matt: I think they want this is this is bordering unlikely fight territory.
24:14
Eric: Yeah.
24:15
Matt: Not quite there.
24:16
Matt: Not quite there.
24:17
Matt: But we but it is a fight in question, and it is unlikely.
24:20
Eric: I'm trying to Google what the strength of a chicken is.
24:23
Eric: I feel like I've got a good grasp on like how strong elephants are.
24:27
Eric: They, you know, there are more muscles in their trunk than there are in the human body.
24:30
Eric: But a chicken.
24:32
Eric: Yes.
24:33
Eric: So I I'm I'm doing I'm running this through the research computer.
24:38
Matt: Here are while you do the research computing, here are a few things that jump to my mind.
24:43
Matt: Okay.
24:44
Matt: About a chicken that I think is interesting.
24:46
Matt: On the one hand, you could malign the chicken because it is, of course, a bird, yet it is flightless.
24:51
Matt: And that is a a bit of a negative, one might say.
24:54
Matt: I mean, not completely flightless.
24:56
Matt: They can go, woo, we've all played Zelda.
24:58
Matt: But the the the main thing that sticks out to me is we're talking about an animal who famously gets its head chopped off and can keep on going for a select amount of time.
25:13
Eric: That that is like the strongest thing I think the chickens have in their favor.
25:17
Eric: That's what you want in a fight.
25:19
Eric: It doesn't even know it's dead.
25:20
Eric: Yeah, they don't even know they're dead.
25:21
Eric: So they don't know when to stop fighting.
25:22
Eric: They didn't hear no bell.
25:24
SPEAKER_02: So I mean.
25:24
SPEAKER_02: So if the elephant, instead of stomping on them, enters this fight with, say, a hatchet, it's actually at a disadvantage.
25:32
SPEAKER_02: Because it's going to use the weapon thinking that it's doing the job.
25:38
Eric: God, we yeah, if like we could arm them.
25:40
Matt: And the well, the other advantage is they do have the agility factor.
25:44
Eric: I mean They do have agility.
25:46
Eric: Um elephants have a lot of staying power.
25:50
Matt: Yes.
25:50
Eric: They're they're elephants.
25:52
Matt: And in terms of natural weapons, those beaks are not gonna do a whole lot of damage to the skin of an elephant.
25:59
Eric: But their talons, it could be death by a thousand cuts.
26:02
Eric: A thousand million little tiny chicken cuts.
26:05
Matt: Well, it has to get through the hide, too.
26:07
Matt: Right.
26:07
Matt: Yeah, the hide is quite thick.
26:09
Matt: And and and to once again invoke the legend of Zelda, as we know, a group of chickens attacking you is oh, quite the boss battle, is it not?
26:20
SPEAKER_02: Oh, it is.
26:21
SPEAKER_02: It is.
26:21
SPEAKER_02: I'd rather I'd rather fight Ganon than fight uh all the chickens again.
26:25
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, you can't do that.
26:27
Eric: The first time that happened to me as a kid, I I like I I was scaring.
26:30
Matt: It's life-changing scarring, truly.
26:33
Eric: So, yeah, other things in the chicken's favor, uh, like I said, they have they really don't have a sense of beyond very basic self-preservation.
26:41
Eric: So they it'll just be madness.
26:43
Eric: Like they'll be flapping and calling, like they'll be fighting each other in the middle of this.
26:47
Eric: Yes.
26:48
Eric: Feathers and blood everywhere.
26:50
Eric: In this case, like it'll be very difficult for the for the elephant to get its bearings in like this hail storm of of of down.
26:58
Matt: And I think that's what we're talking about.
27:00
Matt: Uh a a storm.
27:01
Matt: Like, it's gotta be a storm.
27:03
Matt: We're not talking about a a s a strong gang of seven chickens here.
27:07
Matt: It's gonna take a tornado of chickens.
27:12
Eric: Yeah.
27:12
Matt: A chicken nado.
27:14
Eric: Yes.
27:14
Eric: It'll take an uprising.
27:16
SPEAKER_02: All right.
27:16
SPEAKER_02: Well, here's a question, just because I like to shake things up.
27:19
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
27:20
SPEAKER_02: What if this isn't what if this isn't chickens in our world, but say it's a chicken from Family Guy who gets in the fight with Peter all the time.
27:27
SPEAKER_02: Oh a human-sized chicken.
27:30
Matt: I love that bit so much.
27:31
Matt: It's such a good bit.
27:32
Matt: It's a classic bit.
27:33
Matt: They don't still do it, do they?
27:34
Matt: They're done with it.
27:35
Matt: Uh I don't think so.
27:36
Matt: I think they run into each other now and then, but I don't think they fought the line.
27:40
Eric: They talk sometimes.
27:41
Matt: I haven't I haven't been a regular Family Guy watcher in in probably eight, eight, ten years at least.
27:47
Matt: So they've they have fought within a decade.
27:49
SPEAKER_02: I'll I'll give them sure.
27:50
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
27:51
Eric: Um obviously, I think that fight, chicken man fight, how many of those, like human, human-sized chick, like buff bipedal human chicken, well, implying they're not bipedal already.
28:02
Eric: Um now, obviously it will take less of those, but what I think their severe disadvantage is, is their intelligence.
28:14
Eric: Because I promise you, they might all come in hard, but it'll take one of them being casually lifted up by an elephant and snapped in half like a twig for the rest to take a very sobering step back.
28:27
Matt: Oh, you think that you think the response to that would be a sobering step back as opposed to a mad kamikaze-like attack out of passion for their fallen brethren?
28:40
Matt: I think you underestimate the integrity of a chicken.
28:43
SPEAKER_02: I mean, the question is isn't also what would happen.
28:47
SPEAKER_02: It would be how many will it take.
28:49
SPEAKER_02: It's so no matter when they kill it, it's how many would it take?
28:53
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
28:54
SPEAKER_02: So no matter what, the chickens are killing the elephant.
28:56
Eric: Okay, it's just a question of how many.
28:58
SPEAKER_02: How many?
28:59
SPEAKER_02: If you want to go The elephant is already dead.
29:02
Eric: If we're doing if we're doing family guy chickens, um also taking to account the long game here, uh, because they they they're never dead.
29:11
Eric: They can never truly die.
29:12
Eric: It's gonna be a long battle, no matter how.
29:14
Eric: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:16
Eric: I would say I would I'd give it like a a six or a seven of them.
29:22
Matt: Six or seven chickens, that's it?
29:24
Eric: No, of the family guy, like of the family guy.
29:28
Eric: No, of actual chickens, like six or seven hundred.
29:33
Matt: I was gonna say you must be dealing with some zeros.
29:36
Eric: At that point, that we essentially have to drown an elephant in chickens.
29:40
Matt: Yeah, it it would have to be an the amount of chickens to to make the elephant uh pull a walking dead type thing, falling into an abyss of chickens, just pecking away.
29:53
Eric: So the question becomes how many chickens would it take to annoy an elephant to the point of death?
29:58
Eric: Because it can't relax.
30:00
Eric: They don't stop.
30:01
Matt: I do think we can adjust the number, we can get the number down by keeping in mind in any good battle, land battle, you're gonna have some heavy foes in there.
30:13
Matt: So we get a couple of those family guy chickens, you know, a couple uh like the generals of the army, artillery, if you will, coming in, while the main force flanks it on all sides.
30:26
Eric: It's like Soviet-era fucking World War II tactics.
30:29
Eric: Yes, like no one steps back.
30:32
SPEAKER_02: Just using the little ones as cannon fodder.
30:34
SPEAKER_04: Yes.
30:35
SPEAKER_04: Go.
30:36
SPEAKER_04: Only forward.
30:38
SPEAKER_04: Yes.
30:39
SPEAKER_04: Today, elephant, tomorrow, that son of beach sanders.
30:45
Matt: Oh man.
30:46
Matt: Okay, so I I do think six or seven hundred is n that'd be a lot of chickens.
30:52
Matt: That'd be a lot of chickens.
30:54
Matt: That'd be a lot of chickens.
30:55
Matt: So that's kind of a vague number.
30:59
Matt: Uh would how about this?
31:01
Matt: Six hundred regular chickens, yep, plus ten family guy heavy man-like chickens.
31:10
Eric: Uh honestly, you know what's more compelling to me?
31:13
Eric: Tell me.
31:14
Eric: 700 regular chickens.
31:17
Eric: One family guy chick.
31:19
Eric: One fucking like standing behind them going, go, my children.
31:25
Matt: And just for a long time, he'll spend most of the battle just staring.
31:29
Matt: Just staring.
31:30
Matt: Standing like a monolith, waiting for his time.
31:33
Eric: It's like it's sort of like in the Patriot when like Mel Gibson like sees the evil British general in the middle of the battlefield, like, oh, and you're like, oh, they're gonna get to it.
31:41
Eric: But the effect is somewhat diminished because an elephant is like 12 feet tall, and like there's nothing to obscure him.
31:48
Matt: I like to think that there's gonna be a long period of just carnage on the chicken side before the big chicken reaches down and and pulls up his weapon of choice, and like Thanos goes, I'll do it myself.
32:04
Matt: And and then and then rises and the elephant trembles.
32:08
Eric: Bro, okay, so pick so go on this thought journey with me.
32:12
Eric: So like it's the elephant is counter-attacking the family guy, chicken man, right?
32:17
Eric: Stomping, storming, it's classic, like feathers everywhere, the dust clears, and like the elephant's just stomping on bloody feathers, and it's like and it's looking around for like the remains of the family.
32:29
Eric: And then it's when you just see like this dude rise out of the feather, the feathers covered in the blood of his chicken brethren, going just goes fucking.
32:39
Eric: It's it's kind of like Arnold and Predator, like when he's slathered in mud, yes, except it's chicken blood.
32:46
Matt: Absolutely.
32:47
Matt: Um, and and and does what?
32:49
Matt: What happens then?
32:51
unknown: Kill me!
32:52
Matt: No, um Do elephants have a weak underbelly by any chance?
32:58
Matt: Do we know?
32:59
Matt: Is it No?
33:00
Eric: I feel like they gotta they gotta have a pretty bitchin' underbelly considering that's like the most accessible part of them.
33:06
Matt: Mm-hmm.
33:08
Matt: Well, I was gonna say, if it if we go with your decoy theory of of laying underneath the feathers, he he could then rise and cut him at his weak spot.
33:17
Eric: But Oh, yeah.
33:18
Eric: I feel like he would start like picking up chicken parts like talons and beaks and forming like makeshift like claw weapons out of them.
33:28
Matt: Maybe he maybe he gets on top of the elephant and rides the elephant.
33:32
Eric: Hmm.
33:33
Eric: And he's got like little chicken beaks on his fingers like bugles.
33:36
SPEAKER_02: Which may or may not be a food.
33:38
Eric: Which may or may not be a food.
33:40
Matt: Yeah.
33:41
Matt: Chip, I think, yeah, is the is what you're talking about, yeah?
33:44
SPEAKER_06: Great to disagree.
33:46
SPEAKER_06: Well, you already agreed with me.
33:48
SPEAKER_02: Oh, apparently the feet are the weakest points in the elephant.
33:53
SPEAKER_02: Really?
33:54
SPEAKER_02: They are their quote Achilles heel.
33:57
SPEAKER_06: Damn, we got four of them.
33:59
Matt: So if we go, Eric, with your hiding beneath the bloody feathers routine, make him think that it's over, he cuts him at the Achilles' heel.
34:08
Matt: Damn.
34:10
Matt: Damn.
34:10
Matt: Or stabs him in the feet.
34:12
Matt: Then, then he rides them.
34:13
Matt: He forces him to to to get the the whatever the knife.
34:18
Matt: Let's let's just give him a knife.
34:20
Matt: The He just gets a knife.
34:22
Eric: We don't know where he We don't know where this chicken comes up from the one.
34:26
Eric: He he could fashion one from a chicken bone.
34:28
Eric: He straight out of ivory that he snapped off.
34:31
SPEAKER_06: Oh yeah, he snaps off a touch.
34:33
Eric: He does, that's it.
34:34
Eric: That's what he uses.
34:35
Eric: Oh, now we've gotten dark.
34:37
Eric: We here at You Didn't Ask for This would like to issue a live apology.
34:43
Eric: We believe the elephant is a beautiful and noble creature.
34:47
Matt: And unless you are a giant human-like chicken, we don't condone the removal or poaching of elephant ivory tusks in any way.
34:57
Eric: No, no, no.
34:58
Matt: But if you are a giant family guy-esque chicken, then by if in a battle to the death.
35:04
Eric: By all means, at that point you've earned it.
35:06
Eric: Then by all means, do what you need to do.
35:09
Eric: Claim your prize.
35:10
SPEAKER_02: I thought you were going into foghorn and lake horn for a second.
35:14
SPEAKER_02: By all means.
35:16
SPEAKER_00: By all means, get up on there and take that tusk and do what you gotta do with it.
35:21
Matt: Oh my god.
35:23
Matt: So 700 and one big one.
35:26
Eric: Pretty much the plot of Frank Miller's 300, but with 700 chickens and one anthropomorphic chicken man.
35:33
Matt: Ah, yes.
35:34
Matt: And is that uh is that is our big chicken in the film that will be made of this battle played by Gerard Butler?
35:41
Eric: Oh, you for fucking sure.
35:43
Eric: Why not?
35:44
Matt: Why would it not be?
35:46
Eric: Yeah, like in what world would be.
35:47
Matt: A fine question.
35:48
Matt: A fine question.
35:49
Matt: Uh well, there you have it, Zach.
35:52
Matt: 701 chickens.
35:55
SPEAKER_02: The answer I never thought I would get.
35:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
35:58
SPEAKER_02: Where would I be without you two?
36:00
SPEAKER_02: Not here right now.
36:01
Eric: That's probably with your family.
36:03
Eric: Yeah.
36:04
Matt: Putting my kid to bed, yeah.
36:06
Matt: Something like that.
36:06
Matt: Something like that.
36:08
Matt: So well, uh, so Eric, did you want to touch I mean, we kind of went through those fairly quickly.
36:13
Matt: Did did you want to finish the half-to-death discussion?
36:17
Matt: Or did you want to talk about any other questions?
36:19
Eric: I'm happy with the half-to-death discussion.
36:22
Matt: Well then uh perhaps Zach, we uh it's time for us to ask some questions of you.
36:26
Matt: Now okay.
36:28
Matt: You, sir, unlike unlike what we do here on the fake radio, you work in real radio.
36:34
SPEAKER_06: Where there are stakes.
36:36
SPEAKER_02: Where where there's if you don't perform, you get fired.
36:40
SPEAKER_02: Oh no.
36:41
SPEAKER_02: Yes, you can't just start again.
36:43
Matt: I d well, I mean, yeah, sure you can.
36:46
Matt: So what well what do you want to know?
36:48
Matt: Uh well, so I'd like to know right off the bat, as uh because you you are uh uh like a a DJ, right?
36:54
Matt: You're not like a talk radio host, correct?
36:56
Matt: Uh correct, yes.
36:57
Eric: And you've been you've been in radio for like 15 plus years at this point.
37:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I started in radio back in in high school, just being uh what they call a board op where you sit in the studio with the board in front of you and you just press buttons for whatever.
37:14
SPEAKER_02: And in college, that's where I actually started playing with music and after college then then started playing music for uh I won't say professional, but terrestrial commercial radio, I guess, because I've I am not professional in any way, shape, or form.
37:30
SPEAKER_02: And he said with that voice.
37:33
Matt: Yeah, I was gonna say, and at some point a producer heard you talk and went, Come here, kid.
37:39
Matt: You gotta get shown to booth.
37:40
SPEAKER_02: You ever you ever thought a career in radio?
37:43
unknown: Come on in.
37:46
SPEAKER_02: And uh yeah, talk radio, I've never been interested necessarily in it.
37:51
SPEAKER_02: I mean, podcasting is a form of talk radio.
37:54
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
37:55
SPEAKER_02: The difference is that you don't have to adhere to the rules of yes C C.
38:00
SPEAKER_02: That's really the big thing.
38:01
SPEAKER_06: Bastards.
38:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they control a lot of things and stuff that we're not allowed to say.
38:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but not us.
38:07
SPEAKER_02: No.
38:08
SPEAKER_02: Not yet.
38:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, true.
38:10
SPEAKER_02: So I've been in it for yeah, for for a while, but if I ever had to get a real job, I don't know what would be.
38:15
Eric: I don't I don't know.
38:17
Eric: I that actually becomes my question is regarding the FCC, do you like have to deal with them on a rate like very often?
38:26
Eric: Or is it like one of those things where like, ah, you know, like every now and then they'll be like, hey, you can't do that.
38:31
Eric: So what's what's the why like have you ever had to like a an altercation with the FCC for a lack of a better word?
38:37
SPEAKER_02: Like, like it came in and I accidentally spilled the FCC's coffee.
38:41
SPEAKER_02: It's like, hey, what the fuck?
38:43
SPEAKER_02: No.
38:44
SPEAKER_02: No, I um the FCC has rules and regulations that every radio station has to adhere to.
38:50
SPEAKER_02: You have to apply for a license.
38:52
SPEAKER_02: The purpose of radio is to actually exist as a form of communication to the public, like for the EAS, the emergency alert system.
39:00
SPEAKER_02: Now, what you do on every radio station is up to the business.
39:05
SPEAKER_02: Whether you want to operate as a nonprofit or you want to be a business and make money, that's up to you.
39:11
SPEAKER_02: You want to play country music, you want to do talk radio, you want to do classic rock, whatever to pay the bills.
39:16
SPEAKER_02: But your main purpose is to is to serve the community.
39:20
SPEAKER_02: How you do that, everyone's different.
39:22
SPEAKER_02: Now, the FCC, you have to go through getting your license every so years.
39:27
SPEAKER_02: You um you go through a mock inspection, and this prevents the FCC from coming down on you with anything and making sure that you're it's like getting your car inspected.
39:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's like audit.
39:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
39:39
SPEAKER_02: You want to make sure that you're doing everything and you do those every two or three years.
39:44
SPEAKER_02: And as long as you pass, you're fine.
39:46
SPEAKER_02: Um, if they come in and they do find something because it's voluntary, you're not fined for it, but they let you know, ah, this would have been a ten thousand dollar fine.
39:54
SPEAKER_02: Uh, lucky you came had me come in here to check it.
39:57
SPEAKER_02: Thank God I was here to stop you from yourself.
40:00
SPEAKER_02: It protects you from somebody just coming in and being like, oh, well, this is a violation, that's 10 grand.
40:05
SPEAKER_02: This is a violation, uh, 20 grand, and they rack up very quickly.
40:09
SPEAKER_02: I would think so.
40:10
Eric: Now I'm imagining like the FCC is like an almost mafia, like, eh, real nice uh radio station you got in.
40:17
Matt: Be a real shame someone coming in and see all these violations, huh?
40:22
SPEAKER_02: I see you got a CD over here.
40:24
SPEAKER_02: You know, it the jewel case looks a little offset.
40:27
SPEAKER_02: Oh no.
40:31
SPEAKER_01: C D.
40:35
SPEAKER_02: Are you playing the album version or the radioetic?
40:38
SPEAKER_02: Because I'm pretty sure I heard the album, and you're not clear for that.
40:43
SPEAKER_02: Um they're not that bad.
40:45
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
40:45
SPEAKER_02: Or anything like that.
40:46
SPEAKER_02: I also I'm in I'm also in small market radio.
40:50
SPEAKER_02: I'm not in major market.
40:52
SPEAKER_02: The closest market to me is Boston.
40:54
SPEAKER_02: Um, I've always been in small market and I love it because I'm I'm a personality, I'm a person.
41:00
SPEAKER_02: I don't live and die by the uh the ratings.
41:04
SPEAKER_02: Um you you have ratings in your area, but it's all relationship-based for majority of your of your business and to exist as a business.
41:15
Matt: Now, can you say your radio station, or do you want to for the if the people wanted to go online and look it up?
41:23
SPEAKER_02: If if they want to, uh I'm I'm up in New Hampshire.
41:26
SPEAKER_02: Uh the two radio stations are 1049 The Hawk and Lakes 1015.
41:31
SPEAKER_02: One is a classic rock station and one is a light AC, like easy listening station.
41:37
SPEAKER_02: So you get both sides of the spectrum.
41:39
Matt: So now but okay, so here's a question.
41:42
Matt: So on these radio stations, uh how what is the craziest like on-air thing that's happened?
41:51
Matt: Have you gotten like a weird caller or or something like that?
41:55
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
41:57
SPEAKER_02: Um crazy things do happen.
42:00
SPEAKER_02: I will want to say the craziest thing, and it's it didn't just happen to me, it actually has happened to quite a few people in my area that have worked for a multitude of radio stations, is they've received a phone call or a letter or a person has stopped by and has accused you of talking about them on the radio.
42:21
SPEAKER_02: And uh I've had it, I've had myself been accused of it uh by this person, uh, on the phone, by email, and in person.
42:30
SPEAKER_02: Um and I know that it wasn't me because I'm me, and I I I think.
42:35
SPEAKER_02: Right.
42:35
SPEAKER_02: I think I am, at least most of the time.
42:38
SPEAKER_02: Is it the the same person accusing everyone of oh dear.
42:42
SPEAKER_02: They were convinced that we were on air saying things about them and that it was wasn't just radio, that it was other people in town, and we were saying it.
42:52
SPEAKER_02: That's freaky.
42:54
SPEAKER_02: And and they were they were legit uh upset about us and was and they were telling us to stop.
43:00
SPEAKER_02: And no matter what I said, when I would say it, I'm telling you, we're not it.
43:05
SPEAKER_02: And they were legit uh you are.
43:08
SPEAKER_02: I heard you, I can say no.
43:10
SPEAKER_02: I I was the person on the air.
43:13
SPEAKER_02: No, sir.
43:13
SPEAKER_02: That was Neil Diamond.
43:15
SPEAKER_02: It was.
43:17
SPEAKER_02: That dirty old thought.
43:18
SPEAKER_02: How dare he?
43:20
SPEAKER_02: Neil, you devil.
43:22
Matt: We'll t we'll have a talk with it.
43:23
Matt: He's back there singing what a jerk he is.
43:27
Matt: Wow.
43:27
Matt: So what was the resolution here?
43:29
SPEAKER_02: This person just stopped or well, I haven't heard from this person for a while, but the last time was not an altercation, but they addressed me in public, and I I got to the end of my polite temperament and got to the I'm done with your shit temperament part, and not not in a mean way, but you're lying, stop it.
43:51
SPEAKER_02: If you really have an issue, come to the office on Monday, I'll have you fill out paperwork.
43:58
SPEAKER_02: The the ultimate.
44:00
SPEAKER_02: Ultimate threat.
44:01
SPEAKER_02: Come down and file the paperwork.
44:03
SPEAKER_02: I will help you.
44:04
SPEAKER_02: Do not worry.
44:06
Matt: Well, I I mean, I'm at any rate, I'm happy to hear that it's behind you.
44:10
Matt: I have a feeling based on how uh you know cagey you've been about it, that uh maybe the FCC uh paid him a little visit.
44:20
SPEAKER_00: You're giving our buddy Zach Deuce a little bit of problems.
44:24
Matt: I don't know why my mo I don't know why this mobster is Jay Leno, by the way.
44:28
SPEAKER_02: You get a big chin whenever he comes in.
44:30
SPEAKER_02: It's weird.
44:31
SPEAKER_02: Short guy, though.
44:33
Eric: Now, now, Zachy D, have you?
44:41
SPEAKER_01: This is the first time that's ever happened.
44:43
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
44:44
SPEAKER_01: That's good.
44:45
SPEAKER_01: Zachy D.
44:46
Eric: Have have you ever said have you ever like at any point in your career with your beautiful luxurious voice, have you ever said anything to a hot mic that you're like, oh shit.
44:57
Eric: Like, like, like, do you know what I mean?
44:59
Eric: Like, have you ever have you ever had a slip?
45:02
Eric: Have you ever had a oh no?
45:03
SPEAKER_02: Oh.
45:04
SPEAKER_02: Um, I've never I have never sworn, to my knowledge, on the air.
45:09
SPEAKER_02: Um, I've never had anything like that.
45:11
SPEAKER_02: There have been moments where you go to do production and maybe you you know you do the test one, two or something like that, and then you go, whoops.
45:19
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
45:21
SPEAKER_02: I did I'll I'll tell you a story though, prior to radio where I did have a where I definitely puckered.
45:27
SPEAKER_02: Um there is a small family attraction up in in New Hampshire called Clark's Trading Post.
45:34
SPEAKER_02: And uh there was a a uh tour that that you could bring people through, and it was an optical illusion tour where it was uh an old house that was on an angle and things would roll uphill.
45:47
Eric: They were really rolling downhill.
45:49
SPEAKER_02: But Oh, I know this place.
45:51
Eric: My dad went there once.
45:52
SPEAKER_02: They were they were rolling uphill.
45:54
SPEAKER_02: And in the kitchen, you would use a can and it would roll up, and then people, oh, you're using magnets.
46:02
SPEAKER_02: No, and then you take this glass bottle, and the glass bottle still rolls up the table.
46:07
SPEAKER_02: And you're supposed to say, you know, well, the guy who lived here, he was sick of the food sliding off the table out the window, so he um cut off part of the front legs and he jacked up the rear so that it would be angled and this, that.
46:21
SPEAKER_02: I don't know why, but my head it came out as, and so we cut off the front legs and jacked off up the table.
46:28
SPEAKER_02: And and I just kept going with it because as I'm saying it, and my eyes went wide and I went, I know what I said, but I just I'm still kept going through the speech.
46:37
SPEAKER_02: And you saw everyone in the audience go, did he leaned in?
46:42
Matt: Did he did he just what did he do about talking about masturbation?
46:48
Eric: Well, good on you for like just keep trip because if you had paused or like stopped at all, they immediately would have known it happened.
46:55
Eric: But the way you did it, it makes them think, wait, did he oh he's still talking?
46:59
SPEAKER_02: I think I got away with it, and there was never a complaint.
47:02
SPEAKER_02: So but that was definitely that was definitely a pucker moment of oh my god.
47:08
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, I just said someone whacked off a table.
47:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, oh dear, oh what would mother think of me now?
47:17
Matt: It's a classic technique that uh people have employed on a on work calls for generations at this point.
47:23
SPEAKER_02: I have had people during an interview swear, and you just move past it.
47:27
SPEAKER_02: You do not bring attention to it.
47:29
SPEAKER_02: I've had them drop uh like an S-bomb or something that it is borderline.
47:33
SPEAKER_02: You just keep going.
47:34
SPEAKER_02: And it's not an issue unless somebody hears it and actually comp complains.
47:39
SPEAKER_02: Then it becomes an issue.
47:40
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
47:41
SPEAKER_02: It's not like an automatic, like, oh well, that's five grand right there.
47:45
SPEAKER_02: Someone has to catch it, complain, and then there needs to be an investigation.
47:49
SPEAKER_02: Not even if if it was the FCC who he is it.
47:53
SPEAKER_02: They well, they would need proof that you did say it.
47:55
SPEAKER_02: They can't just say, I heard you.
47:57
SPEAKER_02: All right, well, let's go back and hear it.
47:59
SPEAKER_02: You know, do you have an air check machine?
48:00
SPEAKER_02: Do you have a scrubber?
48:01
SPEAKER_02: What do you have that you know we can go back and listen?
48:06
Eric: My my biggest takeaway from all of this, and Matt, yeah, I'm just gonna say it.
48:12
Eric: Zach E D is like the most professional human being I think I've ever met.
48:17
Matt: Uh-huh, sure.
48:18
Eric: Like, he's just like consummate.
48:20
Matt: You need to meet more people.
48:22
Matt: He's very good at what he does.
48:24
Matt: Absolutely, he is.
48:25
Matt: Um, it's a reason every podcast uh wants to have him on.
48:30
Eric: Every podcast should, if you're listening to this and you're another podcast, man, fuck you if you haven't invited Zach E D on your show yet.
48:37
SPEAKER_02: Okay, well that's you're going you don't need to go aggressive.
48:40
Matt: That's one way to make friends.
48:42
Eric: No, I mean I have some words to say.
48:44
Matt: No, I um I don't think you do.
48:46
Eric: Uh the the um Zach's getting to hear all the parts that don't make it into episodes.
48:53
Eric: See, Zach This is great.
48:55
SPEAKER_02: I I know I know about that part a lot.
48:57
Matt: Well, if you if you haven't heard Zach on other programs, um you probably should know that Zach is a giant supporter of the indie podcast community.
49:09
Matt: Yes.
49:09
Matt: And especially on uh on Twitter these days, uh Zach, you stoke many a flame, many a conversation.
49:18
SPEAKER_02: I I try.
49:19
SPEAKER_02: I originally got on Twitter because of Jeremy, Mike, and Mark over at the Knee Cast.
49:26
SPEAKER_02: And they they um it I'll say dragged me into podcasting, but I I was really just jealous and wanted to talk with my friends.
49:34
SPEAKER_02: So I so when I had an opportunity to be a guest with them, I was all for it.
49:39
SPEAKER_02: And I had never gotten into Twitter when it first came out.
49:44
SPEAKER_02: I went, I don't see the point of limiting myself to a sentence or two about what I'm eating, which is what I thought it was back in the day.
49:53
SPEAKER_02: Now it has really developed, and there is an incredible podcasting community, pod family, as a lot of people say.
50:00
SPEAKER_02: And I I have my set group of podcasts that I listen to every week or every two weeks, depending on when they come out.
50:10
SPEAKER_02: Everyone's got a different schedule, which is fine.
50:13
SPEAKER_02: Whatever works for them.
50:15
SPEAKER_02: I'm just happy when I uh when I get new stuff and I try to find new stuff as well.
50:20
SPEAKER_02: And problem is I find new stuff and I keep adding to my core group.
50:26
Matt: I I have the same problem.
50:27
Matt: I've I have a lot of uh weeklies, a a number of bi-weeklies, and uh trying to discover new stuff and support other indie shows, and uh it adds up.
50:38
Matt: It adds up.
50:39
Matt: It does.
50:40
SPEAKER_02: And I just I have a lot of fun just trying to I try to share like anywhere from one to three uh podcasts, discover one to three podcasts a week.
50:47
SPEAKER_02: And it's it's busy.
50:48
SPEAKER_02: Um but luckily each one I find is it I really enjoy it.
50:54
SPEAKER_02: Some of them have been around for years and they've got a lot of different episodes.
50:59
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes they're brand new and they've only been around for a couple months, less than a year.
51:04
SPEAKER_02: Um but it's a lot of fun.
51:06
SPEAKER_02: I I love just meeting and listening.
51:08
Matt: And you know, you uh in terms of those recommendations, you throw our name out there quite a bit.
51:14
Matt: We are we're very thankful for the support, of course.
51:17
Matt: You're welcome.
51:18
Matt: So before before we let you go, Zach, is there any uh anything you'd like to plug here on our humble, humble platform?
51:26
SPEAKER_02: Ooh, plugging, plugging.
51:27
SPEAKER_02: Um well uh if if you do want to continue tolerating me other places, um Neatcast with Jeremy, Jeremy, Mark, and Mike.
51:38
SPEAKER_02: Um I'm there a lot of times.
51:40
SPEAKER_02: I'm not there all the time, which is probably good for them.
51:43
SPEAKER_02: And they talk about off-beat news and uh a little bit of sports now and then.
51:48
SPEAKER_02: And they also crypted.
51:50
SPEAKER_02: Mike is a big cryptid spooky guy.
51:53
SPEAKER_02: Um, so he always has a spooky segment ready to go.
51:57
SPEAKER_02: I'm actually gonna record with them right after this.
51:59
SPEAKER_02: Oh, hell yeah.
52:00
SPEAKER_02: Oh, tell them we say hi.
52:02
Eric: Well, tell him Matt said hi.
52:04
Eric: Tell him I said hey.
52:06
Eric: Oh, yeah.
52:08
Eric: Be a little coy about it.
52:10
Eric: All right, yeah.
52:10
Matt: They'll mu Mike will have some sort of rebuttal, I know.
52:13
Matt: And then after you tell him that, you then you tell them that I then followed up to say, hey.
52:19
Matt: Like that.
52:20
Matt: Kind of intimidating.
52:21
Eric: But then I don't know why.
52:22
Eric: But then like kind of follow up with with like make after you tell them what Matt said, where he's like, hey, like I I'll add in a hey, hey.
52:30
Eric: What wait, sorry, I'm getting a little bit more.
52:32
Matt: I'm writing a note from the uh from the producers.
52:35
Matt: What's that?
52:35
Matt: This this bit doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
52:38
Matt: Okay, great, thank you.
52:38
Eric: Oh, what's oh sorry, Matt.
52:40
Eric: I'm getting a uh from my uh from the studio take the first exit off the bit highway.
52:44
Matt: Okay, okay.
52:44
Matt: All right, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
52:47
Matt: Uh that was our uh our new producer.
52:49
Matt: Oh we oh good just invented uh yeah.
52:52
Eric: We don't have enough money for him to be corporeal yet, but you know.
52:56
Eric: Yeah, we'll work on him.
52:57
Matt: Uh so I just went into a second bit.
53:00
Matt: Yes, we sure did.
53:02
Matt: But meanwhile, you were you were meanwhile plugging things.
53:05
Matt: Yes.
53:06
Matt: So neat cast, of course.
53:08
SPEAKER_02: Uh effing cultured, I also jump over there with Bobby, Rick, and Griff.
53:13
SPEAKER_02: They are uh they're definitely a not safe for work uh type of show.
53:17
SPEAKER_02: But you know what?
53:18
SPEAKER_02: Everyone needs an outlet, and that's a good good outlet.
53:22
SPEAKER_02: When you just want to relax and not think, let them do all the thinking for lack of thinking, whatever.
53:29
SPEAKER_02: They they do a good job.
53:31
SPEAKER_02: Um It's not safe for no headphones.
53:33
SPEAKER_02: We'll put it that way.
53:34
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah.
53:34
SPEAKER_02: You know what?
53:35
SPEAKER_02: Listen at work.
53:36
SPEAKER_02: Have your airpods or earbuds or whatever in your ears.
53:40
Matt: I mean that goes for this show, too.
53:41
Matt: Yeah, we we've got the little E next to all our episodes, after all.
53:46
Matt: For everyone.
53:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but I you know, you certainly are educational at a point.
53:50
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I've learned so much from you both.
53:52
SPEAKER_02: Well, we try.
53:53
SPEAKER_02: I mean we try.
53:55
SPEAKER_02: Uh last one is Casters Assemble, which I know we touched on earlier.
53:58
SPEAKER_02: Podcasters Assemble is uh they have a whole backlog.
54:02
SPEAKER_02: I got involved with them a couple seasons ago, and the whole idea was creating a series counting down to um endgame.
54:12
SPEAKER_02: So Avengers Assemble, Podcasters Assemble, and uh they I think in a month or so went through every MCU movie, broke it down like this is the 80s, 90s, sure, and put it out every day.
54:27
SPEAKER_02: And they've done Star Wars, they've done James Bond, we've done Mortal Kombat, Batman right now, um Jurassic Park is coming up, and I do an off like a branch of that with different different people called Podcasters Disassemble, and that's where we tackle, I know, very original name.
54:49
SPEAKER_02: Well, hey, it's a good spin-off name.
54:51
SPEAKER_02: And we and we tackle the movies that don't make the series.
54:54
SPEAKER_02: So Batman, you went we go through you know the uh the Nolan films, obviously, and then also the earlier ones with 89 returns and the Schumacher films, but we didn't have room for Adam West in '66.
55:08
SPEAKER_02: Oh, so that's that's what I did with three other guys.
55:12
SPEAKER_02: We you know chatted about that for an hour.
55:14
SPEAKER_02: So we tackle the ones that don't don't make it into the normal series.
55:18
SPEAKER_02: So that's podcasters assembled.
55:20
Eric: And that's actually what I was gonna ask, because when you said Mortal Kombat, did Mortal Kombat Annihilation make it into Podcasters Assembled, or did that go disassembled?
55:28
SPEAKER_02: No, that uh disassembled wasn't a thing yet.
55:31
SPEAKER_02: So we did Mortal Kombat Annihilation, we did The Scorpion's Revenge.
55:36
SPEAKER_02: We actually did we actually did Legacy, which was like the the YouTube Oh shit.
55:42
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
55:43
Eric: I remember when that hit.
55:44
Eric: I actually never watched it.
55:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I did Annihilation like twice, once for Podcasters Assemble, and then with F and Cultured, where they do monthly they do a special episode episode called Fermented Fruit.
55:57
SPEAKER_02: And they choose they choose a movie according to Rotten Tomatoes, which is not an accurate representation of the rating system.
56:04
SPEAKER_02: I mean, um, they they go with something that's rotten on Rotten Tomatoes, and you find out is it still rotten or is it fermented like a fine wine?
56:13
Eric: I love that.
56:15
SPEAKER_02: So we did uh Mortal Kombat Annihilation and What was the verdict?
56:20
SPEAKER_02: You should probably go listen to something.
56:23
SPEAKER_02: There it is.
56:24
Eric: No, I am so excited to listen to this episode.
56:26
SPEAKER_02: We were we were very drunk uh by the end of that.
56:31
SPEAKER_02: Um we should do that painfully.
56:34
Eric: Yeah.
56:34
Eric: My my favorite line in a movie ever to this day is still Mother, you're alive!
56:39
SPEAKER_06: Too bad you will die.
56:42
Eric: God so good.
56:45
Eric: They kept that one.
56:46
Eric: That was the take they kept.
56:48
Eric: Yes.
56:49
Matt: Those actors must have been overjoyed at the premiere.
56:52
Eric: Beyond joyous.
56:54
Matt: Well, Zach Deuce, you have been an absolute pleasure to speak to.
56:59
Matt: Gift.
57:00
Matt: You do have a gift.
57:01
Matt: You truly have a gift.
57:02
SPEAKER_02: You guys are so nice.
57:03
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
57:04
SPEAKER_02: I I love what you guys do.
57:05
SPEAKER_02: I love the creativity you guys bring to podcasting, where uh you take simple, silly questions and you just expound on them over and over.
57:16
SPEAKER_02: You're a high source of entertainment, and I hope you guys realize that.
57:19
SPEAKER_02: This has been a lot of fun.
57:20
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
57:22
Matt: Shucks, shucks, Zachy D.
57:25
Matt: Oh, I'm all blushy now.
57:29
Matt: Well, Zach, let me just say, you are welcome back anytime.
57:33
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
57:34
SPEAKER_02: Open door, man.
57:35
SPEAKER_02: Well, when whenever you would like me back, let me know, and I will I will clear my schedule.
57:40
SPEAKER_02: Uh thank you.
57:40
Eric: He's like our merry puppets.
57:45
Matt: All right.
57:46
Matt: Well, we it's time for us to cut this deuce loose, as Zach said earlier.
57:50
Matt: There it is.
57:51
Eric: There it is.
57:53
Matt: You are truly a patron saint of podcasting.
57:57
Matt: Yes.
57:58
Matt: Thank you.
57:58
Matt: I I don't agree, but thank you.
58:01
Matt: All right.
58:02
Matt: Take care now, Zach.
58:04
Matt: Bye-bye.
58:05
unknown: Bye.
58:10
Eric: What a gift Zach Deuce.
58:14
Eric: I mean, first there's the gift of his voice, right?
58:17
Eric: I could I could listen to that man talk about anything.
58:22
Eric: And listen, we are two people with good voices.
58:26
SPEAKER_06: Like, we have sexy sexy voices.
58:31
Matt: People have been telling me I got a face for radio my whole life.
58:35
Matt: But Zachy D.
58:36
Matt: But Zachy D.
58:37
Matt: I mean, you don't need him or us to tell you he uh is a prof a radio professional.
58:44
Matt: It's like no one needs to say that.
58:46
Matt: You just listen to him.
58:47
SPEAKER_06: It's like sex dipped in molasses, coated in butter, and drizzled with chocolate.
58:55
SPEAKER_06: Jesus, that was graphic.
58:57
SPEAKER_06: Yes.
58:58
SPEAKER_06: My God.
58:59
SPEAKER_06: He has a very graphic voice.
59:01
Matt: And I don't mind saying that.
59:03
Matt: Aroused me a little bit.
59:04
Matt: Uh I understandably so.
59:06
Matt: I mean, come on, butter alone.
59:09
Matt: All right, we're getting off the rails here.
59:10
Matt: Eric.
59:11
Matt: What what do you think we transition now into uh again what has become quite a popular end segment for us?
59:19
Matt: Some Google gripes.
59:21
Eric: Google Gripes.
59:23
Eric: So uh the way this is gonna work, kids.
59:26
Eric: Um Tell us.
59:27
Eric: I have selected three curated, if you will.
59:32
Eric: Curated three well-known places, and I've looked up one-star Google reviews for these places, and Matt's job is I'm going to read him these one-star Google reviews, and he has to guess what place is being reviewed.
59:50
Matt: Yes, now this is the this is the closer of round two of uh of these matches that we've had.
59:58
Eric: And what was my my score last this round's been bad.
1:00:01
Eric: It was like I got one.
1:00:02
Matt: It was one out of three.
1:00:03
Matt: You were one out of three last time, and and the first time around, uh it was three to two me for the first round.
1:00:10
Eric: No, I gotta, I gotta come in hot.
1:00:13
Matt: You gotta come in hot.
1:00:14
Matt: I mean, so but but to be fair, my last round, notably more difficult than the first time, and I believe you you said you were gonna bring the heat.
1:00:25
Eric: I'm I tried, I think I did, and now I'm like okay.
1:00:31
Eric: We're uh one of these I'm really excited for, but I'll save that for last.
1:00:35
Matt: I pulled Radio City out of my ass that one time.
1:00:37
Matt: You really did.
1:00:38
Eric: I was baffled.
1:00:40
Matt: Oh, so Eric, hit me hit me with your best shot.
1:00:47
Eric: Um, so here is the first one.
1:00:49
Eric: Uh I've selected I have actually did something special for you this time, Matt.
1:00:53
Eric: I've I have three reviews for each one, and I've included a bonus review for each one.
1:01:00
Eric: I call it a bonus.
1:01:02
Eric: Well, because you'll you'll see why.
1:01:05
Eric: Um so this is the first place.
1:01:08
Matt: All right, I'm ready.
1:01:09
Matt: I got my pen and paper ready to go, so take notes.
1:01:12
Eric: Review number one.
1:01:14
Eric: They don't allow bike helmets.
1:01:16
Eric: The only insert building in the entire insert acronym that does not allow helmets in the insert city.
1:01:26
Eric: Absolute travesty.
1:01:29
Eric: That's the first review.
1:01:31
Matt: Okay.
1:01:32
Matt: Interesting.
1:01:33
Eric: Review number two.
1:01:34
Eric: I know there's overpriced food, but it was dry hard bread and an extra toasted hot dog that looked like it's been there for days.
1:01:43
Eric: I went back to exchange it and was handed just another the same.
1:01:49
Eric: Okay.
1:01:50
Eric: All right.
1:01:51
Eric: I did not misread that for the record.
1:01:53
Eric: I have no doubt that you didn't.
1:01:55
Eric: Third review.
1:01:56
Matt: Third review.
1:01:57
unknown: Wow.
1:01:58
Eric: Gross place.
1:02:00
Eric: Big stinky dudes eating fried meat with ketchup and other processed additives, sitting next to you and the gravy dripping next to your feet, rubbing sweaty shoulders with you all the while because seats are so tiny.
1:02:12
Eric: We'll never go again.
1:02:14
Eric: I was in flight or fight mode the whole time, exasperated beyond belief.
1:02:19
Matt: Absolutely fascinating.
1:02:21
Eric: And the bonus review.
1:02:22
Eric: And the bonus and why I call this the bonus review.
1:02:25
Matt: Give it to me.
1:02:26
Matt: I think I need it.
1:02:27
Eric: Mind you, this was a one-star review.
1:02:29
Eric: Of course.
1:02:30
Eric: Okay.
1:02:31
Eric: I would hope so.
1:02:33
Eric: I give it four stars.
1:02:34
Matt: Yes, I love those.
1:02:36
Matt: Every time I've looked up these Google reviews, there is someone who is like, I love this place, five stars, gave it one star.
1:02:43
Eric: Yeah, don't worry.
1:02:44
Eric: Fucking amazing.
1:02:45
Matt: Can you give me the first one again, though?
1:02:46
Eric: Yeah.
1:02:47
Eric: They don't allow bike helmets.
1:02:49
Eric: The only insert building in the entire insert acronym that does not allow helmets in insert city.
1:03:00
Eric: Absolute travesty.
1:03:01
Matt: Wow.
1:03:02
Matt: The the acronym, the the the the replacement of a building, an acronym, and a city is throwing me a little bit.
1:03:11
Eric: Oh yeah.
1:03:12
Matt: Oh man.
1:03:14
Eric: Think about that, Matt.
1:03:15
Eric: So so you and and that that is almost as a hint in and of itself, because obviously the building and the city would give it away, but the acronym.
1:03:24
Matt: I have an idea about the acronym.
1:03:26
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
1:03:27
Matt: Um okay, I'll just I'll talk you through it.
1:03:30
Matt: I'll talk you through my logic.
1:03:32
SPEAKER_06: Okay, yeah, talk me through your mind.
1:03:33
Matt: I'm trying to think of what it could be.
1:03:36
Matt: And the first thing that comes to mind, and it is a local thing, is it has to be something that someone would say, like in this this geographic area.
1:03:46
Matt: In terms of an acronym, the only one that jumps to mind for me is the DMV, where we live.
1:03:54
Matt: DC, Maryland, Virginia.
1:03:56
Eric: Oh, okay.
1:03:57
Matt: But based on your reaction to just that, I'm thinking that's wrong.
1:04:01
Eric: I'm gonna stop reacting now.
1:04:03
Matt: Um perhaps it's the United Nations, the UN.
1:04:07
Matt: But but that doesn't make any sense.
1:04:09
Matt: We're talking about New York, but then where's the building?
1:04:11
Matt: What's the it this all seems food-based?
1:04:14
Matt: It seems like you brought me a fucking restaurant.
1:04:17
Matt: Uh man, I don't know.
1:04:19
Matt: I I am at a complete fucking loss here.
1:04:23
Matt: Um man, I don't know.
1:04:25
Matt: I know I said the DMV thing.
1:04:28
Matt: Perhaps it's perhaps it's NYC.
1:04:31
Matt: I'm gonna take a stab in the dark.
1:04:33
Matt: I don't feel good about it, but I'm gonna say the Nathan's hot dog stand in Coney Island.
1:04:43
Matt: The acronym was MLB.
1:04:48
Eric: It's Yankee Stadium.
1:04:50
SPEAKER_06: Yankee Stadium.
1:04:52
SPEAKER_06: I picked it because that's your favorite team, Doug.
1:04:55
SPEAKER_06: You've harpooned me.
1:04:57
Matt: Let me tell you something.
1:04:58
Matt: Let me tell you Yankee Stadium isn't.
1:05:00
Matt: Um the this is true.
1:05:03
Matt: So the the I am a Yankee fan, you know.
1:05:06
Matt: Yep.
1:05:07
Matt: I've just lost half our audience, I'm sure.
1:05:09
Matt: But the the but as such, I I can objectively say the prices in Yankee Stadium are absolutely fucking ridiculous.
1:05:17
Eric: Oh, it's a baseball stadium.
1:05:18
Eric: Of course they are.
1:05:19
Eric: No.
1:05:19
Matt: In New York.
1:05:20
Matt: No, no, no.
1:05:21
Matt: Have you been to Yankee Stadium?
1:05:22
Eric: No, I've never been.
1:05:23
Eric: I've never been to any baseball field except Bowie in Maryland and Camden Yards.
1:05:27
Matt: All right, we gotta fix that, although the Bay Sox Stadium is a fine ballpark.
1:05:30
Matt: Uh but damn fine ballpark.
1:05:32
Matt: Damn fine ballpark.
1:05:33
Matt: Uh I love I love a buoy based game.
1:05:35
Matt: But the what and Camden Yards is uh an amazing ballpark.
1:05:39
Matt: It's a reason there's a reason everybody says it's one of the best in the country.
1:05:43
Matt: But Yankee Stadium, while it's majestic, I I love being there, it's awe inspiring, all those types of things.
1:05:49
Matt: It doesn't have the homey feel of other stadiums like Camden Yards, for example.
1:05:54
Matt: But it really doesn't have the feel when it comes to prices.
1:05:59
Matt: And I Say that because the last time I was there, a Heineken cost me$16.
1:06:05
Matt: Jesus.
1:06:07
Matt: And so when I went to order food for the people there, this is true.
1:06:11
Matt: I went up to the concession stand.
1:06:13
Matt: I did not look at the prices.
1:06:14
Matt: I was like, yeah, I'd like two hot dogs, pretzel, whatever I ordered, you know, the four beers.
1:06:20
Matt: And I put down money.
1:06:22
Matt: I think a hundred.
1:06:23
Matt: I think I put an actual hundred dollar bill.
1:06:25
Matt: And the person like started doing, you know, okay, that'll be.
1:06:29
Matt: And I said, no, no, here's what I would like you to do.
1:06:31
Matt: I'm going to hand you this money.
1:06:33
Matt: And I would like you to put something back in my hand.
1:06:37
Matt: I'm not going to look at it and you're not going to tell me what it is.
1:06:40
Eric: And we all sleep at night.
1:06:42
Matt: A bill will re-enter my hand and I will walk away.
1:06:47
Matt: Uh and sure enough, they gave me like a five back, and I was like, fuck.
1:06:51
Matt: Jeez.
1:06:52
Eric: I will say when I was waiting through the reviews for it, like 90% of the one-star reviews all had to do with the prices.
1:06:58
Matt: I love Yankee Stadium, I do, but the prices are ridiculous.
1:07:00
Matt: Okay, oh for one.
1:07:02
Matt: That was a sneak attack.
1:07:03
Matt: I feel offended for myself.
1:07:05
Matt: But continue.
1:07:06
Matt: Give me the next one.
1:07:07
Matt: I can redeem myself.
1:07:08
Eric: Number two.
1:07:11
Eric: Pathetic modern interpretation of classic plays, technomusic.
1:07:16
Eric: People pretending to be pissing dogs made me wish I didn't see blank there.
1:07:22
Eric: Whoa.
1:07:24
Matt: Whoa, there's a lot on Patrick.
1:07:26
Eric: There's a lot on Patrick.
1:07:27
Matt: Jesus.
1:07:27
Matt: Alright, next one.
1:07:28
Eric: Review number two.
1:07:30
Eric: Worst experience in a theater.
1:07:33
Eric: Taking political correctness to an unknown level, bastardizing a great piece of literature.
1:07:40
Eric: Okay.
1:07:42
Eric: Review number three.
1:07:44
Eric: Confuse.
1:07:45
Eric: Why they show me a fight show?
1:07:48
Eric: Give me that the man's masterpiece.
1:07:51
Matt: Give me that the man's masterpiece.
1:07:54
Matt: Okay.
1:07:55
Matt: Bonus review.
1:07:56
Matt: Bonus review.
1:07:58
Eric: My son was lost in the crowd.
1:07:59
Eric: I still never found him.
1:08:02
Matt: Okay, that sounds like a uh joke review that you've included as a hint.
1:08:08
Eric: Yeah, that that's that's the bonus ones are just ones that I found personally funny that didn't give you any really oh interesting.
1:08:14
Matt: Okay.
1:08:15
Matt: Alright.
1:08:16
Matt: Um, all right, so some right off the bat, it's interesting that you've picked theater.
1:08:21
Matt: It's seemingly this is a show, a specific show.
1:08:25
Matt: Um, the dog pissing comment is confusing to me.
1:08:29
Matt: It can't be Hamilton because it this is based on a specific work, and I don't think anybody out there feels that strongly about Ron Chernow's biography, although I have read it and it is indeed a masterpiece.
1:08:42
Matt: But um the it's very good, you should read it.
1:08:45
Matt: Um at first I was thinking Cirque de Soleil.
1:08:50
Matt: But but the but it does seem to be an adaptation of something, and this could be too.
1:08:56
Matt: Oh, I just got it.
1:08:58
Matt: I just I just got it.
1:08:59
Matt: Okay, what I was about to say was it could be, and this is a deep cut for anyone who's not a theater fan.
1:09:06
Matt: It could be Gats by the Elevator Repair Company that you're talking about.
1:09:10
Matt: Jesus.
1:09:11
Matt: And for anyone who doesn't know what Gats is, Gats is a theater piece by the Elevator Repair Company that um consists of an actor coming off uh with the book The Great Gatsby, opening it, beginning to read it, and a theatrical performance starts to unfold around him as he reads the whole book.
1:09:33
Matt: And uh he's playing Nick, and the um that's his name, right?
1:09:37
Matt: Nick?
1:09:38
Eric: Uh yeah, from Great Gatsby?
1:09:39
Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:09:40
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
1:09:40
Matt: So, yeah, so he plays Nick in this thing, and the so it unfolds around.
1:09:45
Matt: There's a dinner break, it's like six hours long.
1:09:47
Matt: I've always wanted to see it, but that's not what it is.
1:09:50
Matt: That's not what it is.
1:09:51
Matt: I think I know what it is.
1:09:52
Matt: I have confidence, it might be misplaced confidence, and that's a Matt Shea trademark.
1:09:58
Matt: This is Sleep No More.
1:10:00
Eric: It is the Globe Theatre in London.
1:10:03
Eric: Damn it!
1:10:05
SPEAKER_06: Damn it, I was so sure.
1:10:08
SPEAKER_06: Yes!
1:10:09
Matt: Globe did it.
1:10:11
Eric: Sleep no more was a very good.
1:10:14
Matt: Well, it seemed like you were talking about a specific show, a specific adaptation to another.
1:10:20
Eric: Oh, okay.
1:10:20
Eric: Gotcha.
1:10:21
Eric: And the dog pissing comment, I I don't remember that from Sleep No More, but I'm sure it was No, that honestly, I with the techno music and people, I could absolutely felt good.
1:10:32
Eric: That is a really good guess you made.
1:10:34
Matt: I really fucking thought my good guess was such a good guess.
1:10:38
Matt: It was wrong.
1:10:40
Eric: It was wrong.
1:10:42
Matt: And now you were you for you were one for three.
1:10:46
Matt: I'm down to my last chance to break even.
1:10:48
Matt: Man, you went real hard.
1:10:50
Matt: Okay.
1:10:51
Matt: All right.
1:10:52
Matt: I didn't think I want to say, I want to say, I thought a show was a little bit of a stretch for a well-known place.
1:10:59
Matt: So I was like, you know, unless it's like unless it's like Phantom of the Opera, which is like stationary basically in New York, you know, like it's an anchor, it's the anchor of Broadway, haven't you?
1:11:08
Matt: Right, right, or like SNL or something.
1:11:10
Matt: But anyway, all right.
1:11:12
Matt: So I should have known, I should have used my brain, I should have calmed down.
1:11:15
Matt: So, Eric, give me one more chance.
1:11:18
Eric: This last one.
1:11:20
Eric: So I will tell you this good news.
1:11:23
Eric: I gave you a lot more reviews for this one.
1:11:25
Eric: Oh, Jesus, okay.
1:11:27
Eric: Bad news.
1:11:27
Eric: Here are the reviews.
1:11:29
Eric: All right.
1:11:30
Eric: Bad news, they're useless.
1:11:32
Eric: All right.
1:11:33
Eric: Review number one.
1:11:34
Matt: Yeah.
1:11:35
Eric: I felt like the blank were a little too big.
1:11:40
Eric: They made me feel insecure, and I just feel like the blanks could have accommodated me more.
1:11:46
Eric: Okay.
1:11:48
Eric: Review.
1:11:50
Eric: Review number two.
1:11:52
Eric: Okay.
1:11:52
Eric: Highly unsafe here.
1:11:54
Eric: The park ranger is very aggressive.
1:11:56
Eric: Safe your life and never visit this site, and it is better for the site itself.
1:12:01
Eric: Alright.
1:12:02
Eric: So that's review number two.
1:12:03
Eric: Review number three.
1:12:04
Eric: You might be taken advantage of because you're a tourist in a remote location.
1:12:08
Eric: Beware of Felipe.
1:12:10
Matt: Wow, specifically Felipe.
1:12:12
Eric: Review four.
1:12:13
Eric: A man named Felipe with I need your ticket syndrome will try to scam tourists here.
1:12:18
Eric: Beware, guys.
1:12:19
Eric: Oh my god.
1:12:20
Eric: Review number five.
1:12:20
Eric: No.
1:12:21
Eric: Don't go there.
1:12:22
Eric: They ask for your ticket rudely.
1:12:23
Eric: Find another place to spend your money.
1:12:26
Eric: Watch out for Felipe.
1:12:28
Eric: Holy shit.
1:12:29
Eric: Review number six.
1:12:30
Eric: Is Felipe still there?
1:12:32
Eric: If so, unsafe.
1:12:34
Eric: Review number seven.
1:12:35
Eric: All caps.
1:12:36
Eric: Felipe liar.
1:12:38
Eric: Review number eight.
1:12:39
Matt: I am aghast right now.
1:12:41
Eric: Review number eight.
1:12:43
Eric: Felipe was nice, but he kept asking me to follow him while we were looking at the monuments.
1:12:49
Eric: The monuments.
1:12:51
Eric: Bonus review.
1:12:52
Eric: I went there with my children and it sucked.
1:12:55
Eric: There was an old man.
1:12:56
Eric: He hide behind one of the blanks and mugged me and my children, but then I started peeing on him and then he ran away.
1:13:04
Eric: So I give this place a five out of five.
1:13:08
Eric: Would come again.
1:13:09
Matt: But gave it one star.
1:13:10
Matt: Classic.
1:13:11
Eric: But gave it one star.
1:13:13
Matt: Alright, something has jumped to mind.
1:13:16
Matt: Okay.
1:13:17
Matt: It almost seems too obvious, but then there's the Felipe factor.
1:13:24
Eric: I will say Felipe isn't a critical part of this.
1:13:29
Matt: Oh, I disagree.
1:13:31
Matt: I think Felipe clearly is a main part of this.
1:13:34
Eric: I had my pick of Felipe reviews.
1:13:40
Matt: This is unbelievable.
1:13:41
Eric: I'm gonna look at losing my mind.
1:13:44
Matt: Fucking Felipe.
1:13:45
Eric: I don't know who the fuck Felipe is, but apparently he's a park ranger there.
1:13:49
Eric: He's a piece of shit.
1:13:50
Matt: Alright.
1:13:51
Matt: I've tit I took some time with the last one.
1:13:54
Eric: Okay.
1:13:55
Matt: So um I'm just going to go for it.
1:13:59
Eric: Okay.
1:13:59
Matt: And if I'm wrong, I'm wrong.
1:14:01
Eric: Okay.
1:14:03
Matt: Easter Island.
1:14:04
SPEAKER_06: It is Easter Island! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
1:14:10
Matt: Oh my god, yes! Oh, I thought I saw it was like when you're down to the fifth guess on Wordle.
1:14:17
Matt: Oh, I saw my life flash from ass.
1:14:20
Matt: Oh, down to my last chance to pull even.
1:14:22
Eric: Yes! What's wild is I was so sure you were gonna get the other two and not get this one.
1:14:29
Eric: Because all I gave you was a dude named Felipe.
1:14:32
Matt: Oh my god.
1:14:33
Matt: The d the Felipe.
1:14:35
Matt: Okay, so I thought one of two things, but the the it got so during the first review, I immediately thought Easter Island heads, and I was like, let's see if I can get it confirmed.
1:14:45
Matt: And then the other things made me think, well, maybe the giant things that are too big are tortoises, and we're talking about Galapagos.
1:14:54
Eric: Oh man, yeah, that would have been deep cut.
1:14:57
Matt: But I was like, what?
1:14:59
Matt: It has park rangers, big things.
1:15:01
Matt: Wow, that was a good one, Eric.
1:15:03
Matt: And for round two of Google Gripes, a draw.
1:15:08
Matt: A draw.
1:15:09
Matt: A drag.
1:15:11
Matt: Oh man.
1:15:12
Matt: If hey, if you've got places that you would like us to submit, uh you can send those to us.
1:15:18
Matt: You might have to be a little sneaky about it so we don't both see it.
1:15:21
Matt: You'll have to individually seek us out on uh Twitter.
1:15:25
Eric: Uh y'all go look at the one-star Google reviews for Easter Island.
1:15:30
Eric: They they are book fucking wise.
1:15:33
Matt: I'm definitely gonna look up these Felipe reviews for sure.
1:15:36
Matt: We gotta get to the bottom of the Felipe mystery.
1:15:39
Eric: But uh sleeping gate.
1:15:41
Matt: But listen, if you've got questions for us, we'll take them.
1:15:46
Matt: We'll absolutely take them.
1:15:48
Matt: Um I saw I mentioned seeking us out for for those private suggestions of what to do on uh on both Twitter and Instagram.
1:15:56
Matt: I am at what underscore shay said.
1:15:59
Matt: Eric, or you want to drop your Twitter handle your or whatever else you want people to reach out to.
1:16:04
Eric: On Instagram, I am at epoch, e-e-p-o-c-k, because I had to be cute about it.
1:16:10
Matt: Oh yeah.
1:16:11
Eric: Um, my Twitter is at illegalzombie.
1:16:15
Matt: And of course, our Twitter and Facebook and Instagram is at you didn't askpod.
1:16:22
Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
1:16:24
Matt: You can message us questions there, you can comment them there, you can send us an email at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com, all spelled out.
1:16:33
Matt: And finally, you can get your voice on this podcast by uh leaving us a voicemail on the thought line.
1:16:41
Matt: The thought line at 410-929-5329.
1:16:48
SPEAKER_06: Penny for your thoughts.
1:16:50
Matt: Leave us a voicemail today.
1:16:52
Matt: We'll listen to it, we'll enjoy it, and it might just end up on the show.
1:16:56
Matt: It doesn't have to be a question, even.
1:16:57
Matt: You can give us unlikely fights.
1:16:59
Matt: Yeah.
1:17:00
Matt: You can pay us a lot of compliments like Zach Deuce did.
1:17:03
Matt: You can you could accuse us of talking shit about you.
1:17:06
Matt: You could accuse us of talking shit about you and and then show up at our homes and and chase us down and send us threatening letters and like Oh my god.
1:17:14
Eric: No, I cannot stress it out.
1:17:16
Eric: I love having be like like feuds and beefs with people, so please like make it as one for years.
1:17:22
Eric: Yeah, make it as public as possible, just big old beef.
1:17:26
Matt: Absolutely make uh so then when we quash it, we all win.
1:17:30
Matt: I love that we're ending this with please start a fight with us.
1:17:34
Matt: Please fight us, please fight us, and please fight us.
1:17:37
Matt: And please tell a friend to listen to the show if you haven't already.
1:17:41
Matt: And uh speaking of reviews, leave us a good one on uh Apple Podcasts or especially Good Pods, a lot of indie podcasters uh getting success on the charts of good pods where otherwise we can't break in.
1:17:57
Matt: So give us a listen.
1:17:58
Matt: If you're going back to the old Google Gripes episode or something like that, but you normally listen on Spotify or whatever, check us out on Good Pods.
1:18:05
Matt: Give us a give us a boost, if you will.
1:18:07
Matt: Uh, Eric, anything else we need to discuss?
1:18:10
Eric: If you ever need a fucking excuse to get out of work and you're like, I had a family matter, and your boss is like, prove it, you can always hit me or Matt up.
1:18:19
Eric: We'll pretend to be your family member.
1:18:20
Matt: Absolutely cool.
1:18:21
Eric: I will absolutely pretend to be your family member and I will make up an emergency, and then I'll send you a follow-up email telling you what I told them so you can, you know.
1:18:30
Matt: If you need that, this is real.
1:18:31
Matt: I'm gonna say this is real.
1:18:32
Matt: You call the thought line, you drop your phone number and tell us to leave you a voicemail.
1:18:38
Matt: Yes.
1:18:39
Matt: We'll do it.
1:18:40
Eric: We will 100% do it.
1:18:41
Eric: We will do it.
1:18:43
Eric: Like we will absolutely fucking sell it.
1:18:46
Eric: We will sell the shit out of it.
1:18:47
Eric: We've got your back, homie.
1:18:49
Matt: We will be your long lost cousin, uh uh Alabaster.
1:18:53
Eric: I'll be your I'll be your estranged father, Emmanuel.
1:18:59
Matt: I will be your Felipe.
1:19:02
SPEAKER_06: Oh shit.
1:19:04
Matt: Oh man.
1:19:05
Matt: Uh I don't know that we can be Felipe.
1:19:07
Matt: At any rate, before we get in trouble, that's it from you didn't ask for this.
1:19:14
Matt: I just lost all my momentum.
1:19:16
Matt: Did you see that?
1:19:16
Matt: Leave my money.
1:19:17
Eric: I saw it device.
1:19:22
Matt: Okay, that's a good sign that we gotta end this podcast.
1:19:25
Matt: So from all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
1:19:27
Matt: My name's Matt Shea.
1:19:29
Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
1:19:30
Eric: And listen, you didn't ask.
1:19:32
Eric: But the Felipe gate is real.
1:19:34
Eric: Review number nine.
1:19:35
Eric: Felipe is rude and the place is overrated.
1:19:38
Eric: Oh, here we go.
1:19:38
Eric: Review number 10.
1:19:39
Eric: Warning Felipe never left and he is still there.
1:19:42
Eric: He will not stop following you no matter how far or fast you run.
1:19:45
Eric: If you see him, then you are already dead.
1:19:47
Eric: Beware of Felipe.
1:19:48
Matt: Maybe Felipe's one of the heads.
1:19:50
Matt: Oh my god! Felipe's not talking, head!
1:19:53
SPEAKER_06: Felipe, what the fuck do we think about?