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Kids and Infidelity · Let's Ask the Mamas!

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  Speaker 1: Well, we got a question for our American mama's. Dear mamas,
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  Speaker 1: when a couple is getting divorced, should they tell their
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  Speaker 1: kids if infidelity was involved.
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  Speaker 2: Well, let's ask our American mama's Mama Mama.
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  Speaker 1: And joining us now our American mama's Terry Edeville and
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  Speaker 1: Kimberly Burlison. Look, this isn't something that any one of
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  Speaker 1: us has actually had experience with, either in the divorce
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  Speaker 1: or the infidelity aspect. But we've all had friends who have,
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  Speaker 1: I think, gone through this, friends with kids and and
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  Speaker 1: issues along that. But what do you think if you're
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  Speaker 1: going through divorce, you're separating, do you say, well, it's
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  Speaker 1: because daddy was sleeping with the secretary? Do you say that?
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  Speaker 3: I think that's probably the first impulsive move that the
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  Speaker 3: other spouse wants to make. But is it necessarily a
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  Speaker 3: good idea? Not at all.
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  Speaker 4: I feel like you show true love when you can
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  Speaker 4: restraint in yourself from sharing such a negative thing to
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  Speaker 4: your parents, to your children. I think that's real love.
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  Speaker 4: But I do think that when your children are grown adults,
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  Speaker 4: tell them. I think, tell them because now they're in
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  Speaker 4: the world of choosing their partners, they're in a world
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  Speaker 4: of tough conversations that need to happen. And I think
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  Speaker 4: that's when you need to be honest about the reason.
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  Speaker 3: Should you wait till they ask it? Or should you
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  Speaker 3: just come out and say there's something I want to
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  Speaker 3: tell you.
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  Speaker 4: Well, I don't know about that. I don't know, but
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  Speaker 4: I definitely feel like there's a different time. I think
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  Speaker 4: when your kids are young, you kind of shield them
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  Speaker 4: from it. The problem is if you've got one parent
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  Speaker 4: that does the loving thing and you have another parent
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  Speaker 4: that does not, what do you do do you match
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  Speaker 4: that energy?
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  Speaker 2: Right now?
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  Speaker 1: That can be a real problem. So I see a
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  Speaker 1: couple of different scenarios that this may not be a
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  Speaker 1: one size fits all kind of answer. Because if you
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  Speaker 1: have a situation where one of the spouses is leaving
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  Speaker 1: to go shack up with the lover, it's kind of
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  Speaker 1: obvious there, right, Why is mom gone? Well, Mom's got
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  Speaker 1: a new boyfriend. Even at a young age, I mean
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  Speaker 1: that there's just kind of right. But is there an
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  Speaker 1: age limit? Is there an age limit at which you go,
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  Speaker 1: you know what, My kids are old enough. They need
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  Speaker 1: the truth, and they deserve the truth. And even though
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  Speaker 1: it may hurt, I need to tell them.
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  Speaker 4: Well, I think you're right. It depends. I think it's
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  Speaker 4: a We have another situation where we know of this
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  Speaker 4: couple that are that we're good friends with, and there
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  Speaker 4: was a divorce that took place, and the kids hate
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  Speaker 4: this one spouse because they believe this one spouse did
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  Speaker 4: things that they didn't do. I'm not saying if it's
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  Speaker 4: a man or a woman, okay, And so you're seeing
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  Speaker 4: a broken relationship taking place based on a lie, based
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  Speaker 4: on something that is not real. So in that particular situation,
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  Speaker 4: I feel like, Okay, I know it's a loving thing
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  Speaker 4: to keep your ex spouse shielded, but there's another You're
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  Speaker 4: ruining your relationship with your children by allowing this law
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  Speaker 4: to continue. You need to be honest and tell them
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  Speaker 4: what really happened, even if it's super debian.
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  Speaker 1: Oh wow, even if it's super deviant. Yes, okay, Terry.
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  Speaker 1: Have you had friends that have gone through this?
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  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I think everybody at this point. You know,
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  Speaker 3: we've been married thirty plus years, so in that timeframe,
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  Speaker 3: you do have friends that go through this. And I'm
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  Speaker 3: of the mindset of love your children more than you
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  Speaker 3: hate your spouse. So I would if you tell your children, Okay,
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  Speaker 3: I thought you were something like that, that is the
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  Speaker 3: delicious children and then start feeling like their entire life
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  Speaker 3: was a lie. They start they don't trust anybody. They
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  Speaker 3: take all of that into their relationships and it causes harm.
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  Speaker 3: And this may not be the right way. It is
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  Speaker 3: the way of our grandparents' generation where you just don't
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  Speaker 3: talk about it. So I guess I'm of that mindset
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  Speaker 3: because I'm thinking of the children, no matter they're age,
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  Speaker 3: how that will darken that part of your spirit and
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  Speaker 3: it's not necessary.
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  Speaker 1: Let me ask another question on this, if you have
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  Speaker 1: I mean, obviously there's a lot of hurt feelings, there's
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  Speaker 1: a lot of pain as you're going through this, and
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  Speaker 1: most divorces you don't have the couple being able to
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  Speaker 1: communicate on the same page. But would it be better
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  Speaker 1: if you have If you have an issue of infidelity
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  Speaker 1: and you're talking to the kids about it, would it
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  Speaker 1: be better if both parents are talking to the kids
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  Speaker 1: at the same time rather than just one going, oh, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: well it's because daddy's a cheater and daddy's not there.
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  Speaker 3: Oh gosh, I could get messy too, though, if you
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  Speaker 3: think about it, like I'm sure that these children have
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  Speaker 3: been exposed to parents who probably yell and scream and
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  Speaker 3: degrade and you know, belittle and all the time. So
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  Speaker 3: that might be a very uncomfortable unless you had some
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  Speaker 3: sort of counselor there, you know, to help, you know.
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  Speaker 3: As an interesting thought, because I really do, it truly
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  Speaker 3: does go back, and I think about our grandmothers. I
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  Speaker 3: think about one grandmother in particular, who had things happen
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  Speaker 3: actually to her in her life and we didn't know
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  Speaker 3: till she was till my mom basically forced out of
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  Speaker 3: her when she was an older woman, and it just,
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  Speaker 3: you know, it just it's heart wrenching. But their way,
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  Speaker 3: it was a protection mode, like there's no reason to
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  Speaker 3: share something that's going to shatter my children and make
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  Speaker 3: them look at everybody in a way that they don't trust.
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  Speaker 3: I'm already not trusting you because I trusted my father
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  Speaker 3: or i'm my mother more than anybody, and they betrayed
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  Speaker 3: our family. So now I don't trust anybody like.
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  Speaker 4: I just and that's what happens.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I just feel like I just love your
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  Speaker 3: children more than you hate your spouse and say it
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  Speaker 3: just didn't work out.
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  Speaker 1: You could like to ask for American Mama was a question.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Go to our website Americano Ready to dot com, slash mama's
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  Speaker 1: and click on the ask. The mama's button turned out
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  Speaker 1: of Kirier the Brothers and thank you so much.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you,