Latest / All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting / 31. An update from babyland: how we're figuring out life as a family of 4

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31. An update from babyland: how we're figuring out life as a family of 4 · All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting

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  You're listening to the All Figured Out podcast.
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  I'm your host, Andrea Barr. As a career coach for parents, a
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  mom and entrepreneur, and someone who spent 10 plus years
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  in the corporate world, I still don't have it all figured out,
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  and maybe you don't either. In this podcast I'll share tools
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  and strategies that I use as my clients and in the many areas
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  where I don't have things figured out.
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  I'll be bringing you some amazing guest experts to help us
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  fill in the gaps of TuneIn each week as we explore how to make
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  career and life decisions that truly work for you, your family,
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  and your big goals. Let's make moves.
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  Hello From Baby Land This is my third time trying to record this
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  intro. I think I'm a bit rusty, but I
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  am coming to you live from my bed with a nursing four week old
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  baby on the boob and I wanted to give you an update.
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  I've been dark on social, I've been putting on episodes that
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  I've prepopulated before going on a maternity leave.
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  So wanted to just give you an update on what's been going on
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  in my life and the the real, the real life of being a working
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  parent to going on maternity leave and the good, the bad, the
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  crazy, all that sort of thing. So yes, we had a baby four weeks
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  ago and his name is Brody Rhodes Bar.
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  He is such a little sweetie. He came into the world via plan,
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  C-section. Everything went really, really
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  well. We were so incredibly fortunate
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  with the care we had and the experience.
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  It was all really lovely. So we feel really, really lucky
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  for that experience. He's doing great.
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  He's packing on the pounds and our toddler Addie is loving her
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  role as a big sister. A lot of people have been asking
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  us this question like, oh, how's Addie doing with it all, to be
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  honest? Like, she's kind of indifferent
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  and I've heard this from some people as well, where she loves
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  him and she thinks he's funny and makes funny noises and then
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  she kind of just goes off and does her own thing.
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  So I think we're actually pretty lucky with that as well, where
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  she's not kind of all over him and all in his face and being a
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  bit rough, and she's not upset by his presence either.
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  She thinks, she thinks it's funny, so hopefully that lasts.
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  But we are doing really well. So my recovery has gone well as
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  as well. And yeah, it was just been a
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  totally different experience. If you've been listening for a
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  little bit, you've heard bits and pieces of our story of what
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  happened the first time we had a baby.
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  If you haven't heard that episode, I'll link it in the
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  show notes. I can go back in here, my
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  husband's health journey, which was the precursor to us having
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  our first baby, Addie, a couple years back.
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  And so that experience of having a baby with a husband who was in
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  the hospital until 10 days before baby arrived, that was
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  our first experience of having a child.
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  And so baby #2, it's been quite honestly night and day as you
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  can imagine and just different in so many different ways.
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  I mean we've we were in the middle of a pandemic when we had
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  Addy and now the world is opened up and we had a winter baby
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  before and now we have a spring baby.
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  And so just everything is totally different.
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  You know I'm in a different space mentally and physically
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  and well, not actually physically, just mentally, have
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  a different type of job. Work for myself now versus work
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  was working corporate before. I have a healthy husband who
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  also is enjoying his work. So really different, really,
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  really different experiences. So thought I would just record a
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  quick episode. To be honest, I'm, I'm not
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  kidding when I say I'm I'm recording this the day before it
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  goes live and recording from my bed right now.
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  This is going to be a pretty raw, unedited podcast episode,
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  and I wanted to share with you just some of my thoughts and
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  updates on how everything's going.
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  So I just kind of gave you the overall gist, but I thought I
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  would share with you the roses. So what's been going great?
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  The Thorns, a few things that have been kind of you know
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  bringing us down a little bit as you know such as life and
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  finally the fertilizers. I wanted to keep on this whole,
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  you know, gardening theme. So roses, thorns and then
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  fertilizers, fertilizers being the things that I feel like are
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  really helping or bringing me life, bringing nutrition and
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  that sort of thing from a philosophical sense.
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  So let's start off with the roses.
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  Always fun to start with the good first and foremost.
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  We I'm just so thankful that we had a really pleasant, calm,
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  chill experience with the with the birth of Brody.
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  And yeah, he arrived healthy and happy and I think that's what
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  any parent is looking for. You know, we kind of get wrapped
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  up in the gear, we get wrapped up in the preparations.
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  I'm actually kind of hoping you can hear the little breathing.
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  Brody is nursing right now and he's making funny little noises.
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  I hope you can hear that, because I think that's that's
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  just part of real life, isn't it?
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  So yes, #1 happy, healthy. I know it's cliche.
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  People say it, but truly, that's all you ever It's all you want.
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  It's all you want. It's all you want. #2 is just.
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  I don't know. It's just thinking about like
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  it's been so cool that it just feels like Brody has always been
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  here. Like it feels like he's always
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  been a part of our family. I thought there was going to be
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  this weird kind of, oh, we've got a new roommate and, you
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  know, is he messy? Is he noisy?
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  Is he like, what's he like? And honestly, it feels like
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  we've been living with him forever.
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  And it it doesn't feel like it's thrown a massive wrench into
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  things. And I really had, I'm not
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  kidding when I say I didn't have any expectations coming into
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  this. You know, you hear things from
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  people about what it's like to go from 1:00 to 2:00, and some
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  people are like, it's the hardest thing in the world.
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  Other people are like, well, your life's already uprooted.
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  So, like, it's just continuing with the uprooting and something
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  that you're used to. And from my experience, I've
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  just been noticing that it's, yeah, I think I think we had to
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  fall into that ladder camp where it's a big change happened when
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  having one. And given we have a toddler
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  who's only two years old, she still naps in the afternoon.
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  We still, you know, have to come home and we do nap time at home.
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  And so we've still got this like pretty structured routine.
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  And so I feel like having an infant fall into that has been
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  so far pretty good. Like you know, he doesn't have a
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  structured nap schedule or anything like that at this
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  point. So I think once they start to
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  have like different schedules, maybe that'll be a bit harder.
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  But it's been, it's been really nice.
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  I think actually on the whole nap thing, having Addie have to
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  come home from whatever we're doing and come back for her nap,
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  you know, from about like 1 to 3:00 O'clock has been really
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  good because when we, you know, I can imagine having an infant
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  without having a toddler. Last time with Addie, we were in
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  COVID, so we weren't doing anything.
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  But like, they're so portable, so you can really go out and do
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  a lot of things. And that would be my personality
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  would be to like want to go out and do things.
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  But I was still healing too. And so I think it's actually
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  been good for us to come back in the afternoons.
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  We all have the quiet time, like we'll nap or just watch some TV
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  or do some cooking or just like just have some chill time.
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  So actually that's been, it's been really helpful.
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  So Andy's been really keeping us on track with having like that
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  afternoon siesta, if you will. Another thing that's been, you
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  know, pleasantly surprised by is how much my body has felt like
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  it's remembered what to do without me, you know,
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  consciously doing anything or being in recognition of like,
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  what it is I'm doing or what it is my body's going through.
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  It's so cool. It's like there's this body
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  memory, this muscle memory where consciously going into things.
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  I'm like, I don't remember a thing.
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  Like I don't remember what babies are like.
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  Like I've held some babies recently and I'm like, Oh my
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  gosh, don't even remember how to hold a baby.
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  And it's crazy how with the second one, it just kind of
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  thinks they've just fallen into place and haven't really had to
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  think about a lot, which has been really cool.
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  And I have no idea. I'll never know.
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  We know what, like why this is the case.
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  But I felt like my recovery has been a lot better and I've just
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  really trusted my OB. We have a really, we had a
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  really great relationship. I just felt like I was so taken
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  care of by her. And the circumstances
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  emotionally leading up to the birth were so different.
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  Like, I was in a much better place mentally.
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  And who knows? Like, I just, I don't know that
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  I'll ever know what it was that caused my recovery to be so much
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  better. But with my first C-section, I
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  did experience quite a bit of pain and some like nerve pain
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  and some kind of funny things that I didn't experience.
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  This time I was off Tylenol within like 10 days, which was
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  crazy. I was totally like taking pain
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  meds for quite a while after my first C-section.
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  So yeah, just just different. And again, who knows?
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  Everyone's experience is so different.
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  I have no idea why, but I don't. I'm not gonna question it.
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  I'm just gonna be thankful that that was the experience this
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  time. And you know, things like
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  breastfeeding and all that stuff.
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  I was like, oh man, I don't remember like the cadence of it
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  or the cues or what to do. And it was, it was nice, like it
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  felt like everything was just more mild this time around.
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  And I want to share some of this type of stuff because I feel
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  like I, I don't know. I feel like sometimes people
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  will want to warn you about things, which I think is really
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  good. I think it's good to be warned
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  about stuff so you're not totally blindsided.
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  But I think that it's become almost like people want to warn
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  you too much or they want to project their own experiences
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  that they've had that have been negative.
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  Sometimes I haven't experienced that too, too much, but I just
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  do see that as kind of like a common theme.
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  And so, you know, people will be like, oh, just you wait, like,
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  you know, having two, two kids, like one that's a toddler and
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  one that's a baby, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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  But I don't know. I felt like there's it's just
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  been, yeah, it's been pleasantly surprising as how like milder
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  things have felt for me. Again, I'm only speaking from my
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  own experience, but you know, the breastfeeding stuff, it's
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  there was less engorgement. I felt like I was less
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  uncomfortable. I knew the, you know, feeding
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  positions that work well for my body and that sort of thing.
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  So it's been, it's been interesting to just kind of go
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  through those motions and again, who knows like what the factors
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  are. I think there's a lot of
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  different things that play into that.
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  But that has been very nice. And finally, my final rose here
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  is the snuggles in bed, like looking over and seeing Scotty
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  and Addie and Brody, like all of us just snuggled in bed watching
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  the Paw Patrol movie for the four thousandth time on, you
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  know, rainy Saturday morning. Like I there's nothing like it.
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  There's just nothing like it. So small moments.
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  The ones that you're not dressed up, everyone's naked.
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  I've got like milk spewing everywhere, there's like barf
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  and Addy has a runny nose or whatever, but I just wouldn't
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  trade those moments for the world.
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  So that has been so lovely. OK, on to the Thorns.
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  We have had a rotation of illnesses unlike anything we
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  have yet to experience. Why these illnesses have decided
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  to like, creep up on our family while we have a brand new baby,
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  I have no idea. Patty's not even in daycare.
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  She goes to a play group, you know, maybe once a week if that.
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  She actually didn't really go the first few weeks Brody was
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  around because we wanted to just be a bit more mindful of germs
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  and stuff like that. But Oh my goodness, somehow I
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  think the whole world is sick right now.
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  This is what I keep hearing. But somehow we have had, we've
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  had it all. So we got sick before Brody
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  arrived, kind of got over that. I was still coughing post
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  C-section, which was like not fun at all.
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  Then ten days after Bordy was born, this was the real low, the
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  real thorn of our postpartum experience.
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  Addie got her very first stomach bug and then subsequently Scotty
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  got it because he was managing her to prevent Brody and I from
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  getting sick. So first having a toddler who
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  was vomiting all over the house, then Scotty getting sick and
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  being completely taken out for like a good for maybe 5 days was
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  incredibly, incredibly challenging.
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  So definitely had to call in some reinforcements.
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  So thankful for my husband's family being close by.
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  They came down to help. But man, that was, that was a
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  low point just having to kind of manage everything on my own and
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  being, you know, only 10 days post surgery.
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  Like it was just it was such a rough time so that I was not
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  expecting and would not, would not recommend bubble wrap
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  yourself. If you're about to have a second
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  baby or baby in general, man, don't get sick.
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  It's not fun. It's so not fun.
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  The second thorn, I would say this isn't, this isn't a big
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  thorn, but it's just something that I do remember experiencing
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  my first time having a baby and kind of forgot about.
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  But this one was just feeling mentally ready to kind of get
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  back into life and move and do things, but then my body not
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  being ready. So I would say about two between
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  like two and three weeks postpartum, I felt like I was
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  kind of getting like a bit itchy, a bit aunty, like, OK, I
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  want to go out and do things. Scotty was off work for four
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  weeks. And so I was like, oh, we have
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  this time where we could like go out and do things.
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  And so I wanted to like in my head I was like, oh, I want to
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  go for a hike. And I'm like, I don't know, you
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  just had major surgery. You're not going for a hike.
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  And so it was just, yeah, I think my body was starting to
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  get a bit stiff and all that, and I just was getting a bit
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  stir crazy and wanted to get out.
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  So to combat that, what we did was we kind of went for like
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  brunch or lunch or something. So Addie has childcare, we have
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  a nanny. And so she'd be hanging out and
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  they'd be doing their usual routine, going to like a
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  playgroup or hanging out with other friends in the
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  neighborhood. And Scotty and I and Brody got
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  to go out and have, you know, like a nice lunch or a brunch.
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  And that was actually really lovely.
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  So I kind of turned that thorn into a rose by I'm meeting
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  somewhere halfway where I was kind of wanting to get out.
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  I was getting a bit stir crazy. Instead of going for a hike,
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  which was not possible, we just got out of the house and got to
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  do things that we typically wouldn't be doing on like, you
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  know, a Tuesday afternoon in the middle of May.
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  So that was pretty nice. And then I would say the final
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  thorn that I am currently experiencing as I am Brody is
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  still nursing right now. It's just this breastfeeding
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  back. I totally forgot what
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  breastfeeding does to your body or what it does to my body.
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  I naturally have some kind of structural back things going on.
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  I had a back brace when I was younger and so I forgot that
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  just the pulling down from nursing and like the being
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  hunched over for so many hours of the day really doesn't number
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  on me. So trying to be better about
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  like moving and kind of stretching and wiggling my body
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  a bit more without overdoing it with the post surgery stuff.
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  So that's been just a bit annoying.
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  But yeah, nothing really. No big complaints.
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  I mean, all those thorns are just small things in the grand
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  scheme of things, as I've learned in life.
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  But but yeah, it's still, you know, you're allowed to feel
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  what you feel. And those have been kind of some
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  annoyances now for the fertilizers, one of the things
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  that have been helping us out or giving me life.
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  I'll just speak from my experience personally, and maybe
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  we'll have Scotty come and share what's been helping him out or
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  his experience in the postpartum days.
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  But I've been starting my day off with having coffee with
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  coconut oil. So before having babies, I think
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  I was doing the bulletproof coffee thing for a bit and I
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  really enjoyed it. Like, I really liked starting my
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  day off with that hit of caffeine, which I love, and the
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  healthy fat. And I remember always just
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  being, like so alert and just my digestion felt great and
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  everything just, like really felt nice, starting the day off
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  like that with some water. And so I didn't do that while
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  pregnant. I just tried to keep things
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  pretty, you know, simple, like regular normal coffee and normal
• 15:44
  breakfast and all that. But I've been waking up not
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  feeling super, super hungry, like really not wanting to, like
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  eat something, but knowing that I'm nursing around the clock and
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  I do need, you know, fat and I need to feel my body in some
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  way. I've been having some water when
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  I wake up and then I've been having a coffee, adding some
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  tilt an oil to it and then using like just one of those hand
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  frothers and kind of frothing it to blend it and get a bit of
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  that like foamy goodness on top. And that's been quite nice.
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  I've been really enjoying that and I would say help from
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  friends and family has been great.
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  So there's been a couple times where, you know, called in
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  reinforcements, like when Scotty had the flu and I was just like,
• 16:27
  whoa, this is too much. And friends who've just been so
• 16:32
  lovely and just dropped off food.
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  We had friends Melissa and Jake, who came over and cooked for us,
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  like in our own home. They were like, oh, can we drop
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  you off food this weekend? And I was so bold as to say we
• 16:45
  would love that and do you want to stay and eat it with us?
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  So that was so much fun. I I was just so appreciative of
• 16:52
  that. And it was just fun.
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  Like we were, you know, a couple weeks postpartum had only really
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  seen like family members or just been looking at each other for
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  like 3 weeks. And so to have friends, like
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  really, you know, some of our best friends come over with
• 17:07
  their toddler and make us dinner in our own home was like just
• 17:12
  the best. And then getting to just enjoy
• 17:14
  the company of them and watch our kids play, like it was just
• 17:17
  so nice. So, you know, spending time with
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  friends and family, having people come by, the rotation of
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  just, you know, different people coming to visit has been so much
• 17:25
  fun and people are just so generous and courteous and like,
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  you know, tell me, like, is it like, tell me what's the best
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  time to come for you and can we bring you food and that sort of
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  thing. It's just been so, so lovely.
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  So that has been really helping. And you know, just getting to
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  like just chat with other humans, Like people will come
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  over and be like how are you? And you know, it's like a A2
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  second update good. Brody's great, We're all happy
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  and healthy, but it's fun to hear updates from the outside
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  world. Like I that's what I want to
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  hear. So that's been really fun and
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  OK, next the next fertilizer is great TV shows.
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  Maybe I just haven't watched so this much TV in a really long
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  time, but man just feels like there's some great stuff out
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  there right now that we have just been consuming.
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  So shrinking has been great. If you haven't watched that on
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  Apple TV. Also on Apple TV, of course, Ted
• 18:17
  Lasso and a show called The Last Thing He Told Me It's or it's a
• 18:22
  I don't know if it's a show. It's a series and it's a book I
• 18:24
  actually read. It's such a good kind of
• 18:26
  thriller and highly recommend reading the book and the show is
• 18:31
  great. It's the Jennifer Garner.
• 18:32
  So that's been fun. We started watching The
• 18:36
  Diplomat, which is on Netflix, and it's Keri Russell.
• 18:39
  Don't think I've heard or seen her since her Felicity days,
• 18:42
  what like 20 years ago. But if you get through like the
• 18:46
  first episode or two, it's good and it's like captivating and
• 18:51
  it's cast well and it feels like kind of like The West Wing, like
• 18:55
  political drama style stuff, which has been very fun.
• 19:00
  So highly recommend that one. And then you know two of my like
• 19:04
  chick flicky ones. We've got the little little baby
• 19:09
  who is surfacing. OK, the two chick flicky ones I
• 19:13
  would say are Firefly Lane finished?
• 19:14
  That series won't say a thing. I'm just going to leave it at
• 19:18
  that. If, you know, you know, Oh my
• 19:20
  God. And this is like, don't judge me
• 19:24
  for this. I don't even care who knows it.
• 19:25
  Sullivan's Crossing. I'm actually watching ATV show
• 19:29
  that is live on cable television right now.
• 19:31
  I've been watching it on demand. It's kind of like, what's the
• 19:35
  show that's filmed here in Squamish?
• 19:37
  Oh man, I can't remember it. But anyways, it's just like a
• 19:40
  small town with a big city person.
• 19:43
  It's like a Hallmark movie but in TV show form.
• 19:45
  And it has Chad Michael Murray in it as well.
• 19:50
  And it's just great. Oh, and the Luke from Gilmore
• 19:53
  Girls. So it's that's fantastic.
• 19:56
  Highly recommend. So TV show TV shows have been
• 19:59
  great for the postpartum experience and there's some good
• 20:02
  stuff out there right now. OK.
• 20:05
  Final fertilizer. This is a funny one.
• 20:08
  TikTok. Oh man, I.
• 20:12
  From a like just kind of mindless getting to like let
• 20:16
  your mind wander, it's been great for that.
• 20:19
  However, Tiktok has also been great for things like how to you
• 20:23
  know, funny hacks for like curing baby gas or what to do
• 20:27
  with my like overripe avocados or just like all these things
• 20:30
  that I'm like, oh, what do I do with this?
• 20:31
  Or what's a quick fix for this? It's been great.
• 20:35
  So I've been typing in, you know, some baby related
• 20:38
  questions. Obviously nothing medical,
• 20:40
  obviously nothing. That's like if you know I
• 20:43
  actually need like a professional opinion on
• 20:45
  something, but just like you know, just some interesting
• 20:47
  things to try out at TikTok has been great for that as well as
• 20:52
  just looking at mindless things. Like I said like if it's the
• 20:55
  middle of the night, I'm trying to keep myself awake while I'm
• 20:57
  feeding or I'm just having a blow moment.
• 21:00
  Kind of fun to just scroll a bit.
• 21:02
  Oh, I would also gonna add, I didn't have this when I was
• 21:05
  thinking like pre planning this episode of which I took, you
• 21:07
  know 30 seconds before this to quote UN quote Plan.
• 21:10
  But having a good book has been really nice.
• 21:13
  So I've read, but I was finishing a book that I was
• 21:17
  reading before and then I was needing a new book to just kind
• 21:20
  of like I just needed something else to be doing other than
• 21:24
  being on my phone. And so I actually am just
• 21:27
  rereading a book that I read previously.
• 21:29
  It's a silly Sophie Cansello book.
• 21:31
  So again, very like chicklety, but something that's like
• 21:33
  comforting and happy and fun and kind of helps my mental health I
• 21:37
  would say. And and on that note also I was
• 21:40
  doing been doing some Sudoku puzzles, so I bought one of
• 21:43
  those like Sudoku books from the grocery store and that's been
• 21:46
  great. So I just felt like I was kind
• 21:48
  of my mind was turning a little bit mushy with like being on my
• 21:51
  phone and that sort of thing. And it didn't feel mentally
• 21:54
  good, like I didn't want to be on my phone.
• 21:56
  And so I had a in the hospital actually, I had was kind of not
• 22:00
  really on my phone at all and was just doing my Sudoku
• 22:03
  puzzles. And it was just something to
• 22:04
  like focus on that took my attention away from, you know,
• 22:09
  any sort of pain I was feeling or that sort of thing.
• 22:11
  And then having my book has been nice as an alternative to TV
• 22:15
  watching. So there's been some things that
• 22:16
  have really been helping and fertilizing my soul in my mind
• 22:20
  and my recovery and healing journey and that sort of thing.
• 22:24
  So there's probably a million more things I could talk about
• 22:27
  on this topic of going from a family of three to a family of
• 22:30
  four. But I just wanted to share how
• 22:33
  things are going. Some of my initial thoughts in
• 22:35
  this, you know, four week, no, five weeks.
• 22:38
  Actually. I think I've been saying 4
• 22:39
  weeks. I think we're five weeks now,
• 22:41
  man, second baby. So different.
• 22:43
  Like the amount of things that I'm forgetting or like not
• 22:46
  keeping track of is unbelievable.
• 22:48
  So there you go, live again from my bed with a baby on the boob.
• 22:55
  This has been Andrea Barr, postpartum, and just want to
• 22:58
  thank you for continuing to listen and reach out.
• 23:02
  For those of you who reached out, thank you so much and just
• 23:05
  checking on how we're doing. We are doing great and I will
• 23:08
  continue to be putting out episodes that I have
• 23:10
  prepopulated and you'll get a couple more that are more recent
• 23:13
  updates in the coming weeks. And yeah, let me know if you
• 23:17
  have any questions or if there's any ideas you have or things
• 23:19
  that you want me to share on the podcast moving forward.
• 23:22
  I'd be happy to take any sort of suggestions I love hearing.
• 23:26
  Yeah whenever you're kind of going through something that
• 23:28
  you're like hey, can you share your experience or can you bring
• 23:31
  a guest on who is an expert in XY or Z?
• 23:34
  Would love that. And if you want to support me
• 23:38
  while I'm on maternity leave support the show.
• 23:41
  There's a couple ways you can do that.
• 23:43
  One would be leaving a rating and and or a review on whatever
• 23:47
  platform you use. So on Spotify you can, I think
• 23:50
  you can leave at like a star rating at the very top, which is
• 23:54
  amazing. And then on Google or on Apple
• 23:57
  you can leave a star rating and also leave a review, which would
• 24:00
  really, really mean the world. It would help other people to
• 24:03
  find the podcast, as you've heard on other podcasts, It
• 24:06
  really does actually, it does actually help.
• 24:08
  It does actually make a difference.
• 24:10
  So anything that you can do to support the show would be
• 24:12
  incredible. And if you head to my website,
• 24:15
  you can join my mailing list, you can get some free downloads.
• 24:19
  That's another way to support because then I can be in contact
• 24:22
  with you and we can kind of just start a our relationship and get
• 24:26
  to know one another. So that is, that's the update
• 24:30
  for me. Thanks again for listening and I
• 24:33
  will chat with you soon. Thank you for listening.
• 24:37
  You can access all resources mentioned in this episode via my
• 24:40
  website andreabar.com/podcast. And let's chat on Instagram.
• 24:44
  I'm at Andrea Bar Coaching and I reply to every DM I get.
• 24:48
  If you love this episode, don't forget to quickly hit that
• 24:51
  button on your podcast app to give me a 5 star rating and drop
• 24:54
  in a review. It would truly mean the world.
• 24:57
  And if you're like me and love to share things that you love,
• 25:01
  send this episode to a friend who you think would appreciate
• 25:03
  this topic. Thanks again for listening and
• 25:06
  I'll chat with you next week.