Latest / ABJ / Blazing Budz Superheroes, Suicide, Substance

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Blazing Budz Superheroes, Suicide, Substance · ABJ

• 0:18
  What's going on, everybody? We are here for Blazing Buds.
• 0:24
  The 420 episode. I don't know what episode number
• 0:27
  we're at. I'm gonna be honest.
• 0:28
  I, I don't think our I mean, so just a little housekeeping.
• 0:31
  I don't think our, our episodes are doing very well.
• 0:34
  I don't think any of the contents doing well.
• 0:35
  Blazing Buds started off hot and then dropped off dramatically.
• 0:39
  I think the last episode like 5 views, yeah, we're falling off.
• 0:44
  But it's fine because I mean I don't care about views.
• 0:47
  I sure when you put a lot of effort into like editing.
• 0:50
  No, I mean I, I don't mean it like you shouldn't care.
• 0:53
  I just mean like I, I'm still having fun.
• 0:55
  I'm. Having fun with it too.
• 0:56
  That's kind of how I'm looking at it.
• 0:57
  It's just if people watch, cool. If they don't, they don't.
• 1:00
  If they don't comment. I'll only hate my life a little
• 1:02
  bit. But yeah, so this is the 420
• 1:08
  episode. Bry is not here tonight.
• 1:11
  They went to see Sleep Token. No, it was not sleep token.
• 1:18
  Sleep token's not until like August.
• 1:19
  I don't remember who they were going to go see.
• 1:21
  I didn't even Was it a concert? Yeah, I don't know.
• 1:24
  Sorry. I lost, what mic is that?
• 1:26
  That's my mic. I lost my magnet.
• 1:28
  It literally just popped. Off, hold it to your face and
• 1:30
  talk. I I did say I lost my
• 1:33
  microphone. I'm going to look for it into
• 1:36
  the. Microphone.
• 1:36
  All right, well, I'll talk and look for like, yeah, well,
• 1:38
  you're, you're answering the other thing anyway.
• 1:43
  Yeah. So while Lily fumbles around for
• 1:47
  a magnet housekeeping stuff, if you're watching this, hit the
• 1:50
  like share subscribe button. Let people know what this
• 1:53
  exists. Give us some feedback below.
• 1:55
  If you're listening to the audio podcast only, it's on the ABJ
• 1:59
  podcast. If you're looking for, it's the
• 2:00
  ABJ podcast on all platforms. And then you'll see the blazing
• 2:03
  Buds logos for those episodes. But Spotify, you can leave
• 2:07
  comments and stuff. I don't know when they'll hear
• 2:10
  this, but Colette has been going ham on Spotify, leaving comments
• 2:16
  on every episode and like going back from like almost the
• 2:19
  beginning and re listening to every ABJ podcast.
• 2:23
  I think they just sent me a video of a screenshot there like
• 2:25
  episode like 13 or 15 or something.
• 2:28
  So they're they're so eventually they'll get here and thank
• 2:30
  Colette. Thank you for listening.
• 2:32
  Our only listener. But yeah, so the 420 hoodies are
• 2:37
  still available. So I've, I've been really
• 2:39
  struggling financially trying to get my bills paid and have a
• 2:42
  couple extra bucks here in there to do stuff.
• 2:44
  So they're still on the merge page because I want those
• 2:46
  hoodies and I don't want them to go away.
• 2:48
  So the limited run Valentine's Day one's still there, 421's
• 2:54
  still there, and the Saint Patty's Day one's still there.
• 2:56
  And then there'll be some new ones coming.
• 2:59
  I don't know if they're going to be hoodies because I think
• 3:01
  hoodies for those weathers. Crop hoodies.
• 3:04
  I am still waiting for the ABJ crop hoodies.
• 3:07
  Maybe the first crop hoodie will be Moms Love ABJ the Mother's
• 3:12
  Day one. I I get the premise I just
• 3:16
  thought wouldn't be one that I buy Bing is that I actually have
• 3:18
  kids like I I I I do love ABJ. Yeah, I don't know.
• 3:22
  Why wouldn't you wear it? Moms love ABJ.
• 3:26
  For the same reason why I bought Katie the pink Valentine's Day
• 3:31
  ABJ hoodie and you said. But I I had to be the one to say
• 3:34
  it. You were correct.
• 3:35
  Correct. Because I, I was looking at it,
• 3:38
  I was looking at it as just you and you were like, yeah, but it,
• 3:43
  it kind of says it like a BJ and.
• 3:46
  It's made. It's more of an adult logo,
• 3:48
  right? Yeah, right.
• 3:49
  That's why I said I don't know if Katie should be wearing that.
• 3:52
  Which is well, which is why I was saying I don't know if I
• 3:54
  would wear that Like I mean, I would probably buy it to where
• 3:57
  you have a money. That says I'm I'm sorry, I'm
• 3:59
  practicing witchcraft and being a lesbian.
• 4:01
  Yeah, and I wear that around my kids.
• 4:02
  That's. What I'm saying so I moms love.
• 4:04
  ABJ isn't it? But we're not talking about sex
• 4:06
  acts. Lesbianism is a sex.
• 4:08
  Act Is it a sex act or is it a sexual preference?
• 4:12
  Is it both? I I lesbianed last night.
• 4:17
  It's not a sex act, it's a sexual orientation all.
• 4:24
  Right. That's all I that could be over
• 4:26
  debate, but I'm not, I'm not down to do it.
• 4:28
  I'm not, I'm not, I'm not in the right camp to speak on this.
• 4:31
  Also though but like also everyone in my kids family knows
• 4:35
  how I feel about religion. Like I didn't enjoy going to
• 4:38
  church when I was living with them, like when I was still
• 4:41
  practicing. And like like literally when me
• 4:47
  and my ex-husband moved out, like we were living with them
• 4:49
  when when we first moved up here, when we got out of the Air
• 4:51
  Force, but his mom would make sure everybody in the house went
• 4:54
  to church. 9:00 AM. We do the whole Catholic Church
• 4:58
  until like 11/11/30 and then we're going back to Nana's house
• 5:02
  for breakfast. As soon as we got our own house,
• 5:04
  I was like, yeah, I'm not going to church.
• 5:05
  Peace. Bye.
• 5:06
  I want to. Say something.
• 5:08
  Anyway. Honor that.
• 5:09
  Honor my mother. Unless it's you, right?
• 5:14
  So anyway that being said though, everyone in the in that
• 5:18
  household knows how I feel on religion.
• 5:20
  I just gave my sister-in-law, ex sister-in-law, whatever I gave
• 5:28
  her a bag that I for a birthday present.
• 5:31
  I had made a bunch of tarot card holding bags back when I was
• 5:37
  living in my apartment. And I was like, like last
• 5:40
  minute. My kids were like, hey, we
• 5:42
  should, we should have got something for Aunt Marissa.
• 5:43
  And I was like, Oh yeah, like, let's see what I got here.
• 5:46
  Like, and they were like, oh, she would love this.
• 5:48
  She likes like lizards and stuff.
• 5:50
  So it was like the fabric or whatever.
• 5:53
  And I got there when I went to give it to her, I'm like, I made
• 5:55
  them for tarot cards, but you can use it for whatever.
• 5:58
  And literally my ex-husband was just like tarot cards.
• 6:02
  You believe in that? And I'm like, you believe in God
• 6:05
  like. Your shit's weird too bro.
• 6:07
  Like if you're going to have my kids subjected to to religion,
• 6:11
  then I'll subject them to anti religion or multiple religions
• 6:15
  and I will teach them about like because yeah exactly.
• 6:19
  It's not anti religion, but it's not like this is the one way
• 6:22
  true thing and that's it. Like that's how I feel about it
• 6:24
  anyway. I believe in Jesus, but I also
• 6:26
  believe in Odin and I also believe in like all the
• 6:29
  different pantheons. I, I, I don't think the Bible
• 6:33
  and church are necessarily bad things.
• 6:35
  I, I, I do think there are there, there are things in the
• 6:41
  Bible you can pull out that are positive.
• 6:42
  You know what I mean? Like there are they, I mean, the
• 6:45
  Old Testament kind of sets the ground rules and then guess goes
• 6:48
  a little too hard to paint on them.
• 6:49
  And then the new, the New Testament with Jesus is kind of
• 6:51
  like. It's.
• 6:52
  Kind of like, hey, I'm here and I'm chill and I'm actually a
• 6:55
  giant hippie who loves everybody but my words are going to be so
• 6:58
  misinterpreted in the next 1000 years.
• 7:02
  Crazy. But don't forget, the Trump's
• 7:04
  are going to sound. I mean, let's abridge that to
• 7:07
  trumpets. I'm going to say this.
• 7:09
  I think most people who believe in God and go to church and put
• 7:13
  a lot of effort and time in claiming Christianity and Jesus
• 7:16
  as their identity should be just as scared for those trumpets as
• 7:19
  us who don't go. You know, because most people I
• 7:22
  meet who don't subscribe to religion are really good people
• 7:26
  who treat each other with empathy and respect and like,
• 7:28
  respect everybody. And like at the end of the day,
• 7:31
  are like Christian, like Christian, more Christian value
• 7:35
  than most Christians. So two things.
• 7:36
  Number one, I don't know if you're aware of this, but I was
• 7:39
  not making a joke. The actual translation from
• 7:44
  Hebrew in Revelations says and the trump will sound and in the
• 7:48
  new King James Version when it was translated to English, they
• 7:51
  changed it to trumpets. So I think that that's ironic.
• 7:54
  Secondly, ironically about what you're talking about, I met
• 7:57
  someone at work that I have truly, I've only been working
• 8:03
  there for a month now, but I really care about her.
• 8:05
  Like she's a really cool person. And she just started talking to
• 8:08
  me on Thursday about religion and she got like really deep
• 8:12
  into it. And I didn't realize that the
• 8:14
  people that I'm hanging out with that I eat lunch with and stuff,
• 8:16
  I didn't even realize they were religious.
• 8:18
  And I've, I've been wearing that lesbian witchcraft hoodie to
• 8:22
  work because it's old and just like I'm in my work clothes
• 8:25
  still. I just wear baggy clothes.
• 8:26
  I don't mind if it gets dirty or whatever, but she was telling
• 8:30
  like she was like, you know, she was telling me about another guy
• 8:33
  that's there and she goes, he, I invited him to come to church
• 8:36
  with me and it saved his life. And like now he's so positive.
• 8:40
  But The thing is, is I, whenever I told her, I said, listen, you
• 8:43
  don't have to, you don't have to talk to me about religion.
• 8:45
  Not that if you don't want to, I said, if you want to talk to me,
• 8:48
  that's fine. I said, but I need you to
• 8:50
  understand that I, I've already read the entire Bible back to
• 8:53
  front, front to back. I did catechism for 12 years.
• 8:57
  I did all the sudden, like not all the sudden seven command or
• 9:01
  whatever you're frog. You're a frog.
• 9:03
  Well, well, because 6th and 7th are like rights of being dead,
• 9:07
  Like I haven't gotten to that far.
• 9:09
  You know what I mean? I got up to communion, I did the
• 9:12
  confession, I did the baptism, all of that.
• 9:14
  But anyway. But what I'm getting at, I
• 9:16
  guess, though, is that she was a, she was like, oh, so you're a
• 9:19
  Catholic, That's why you don't like religion.
• 9:22
  And I was like, you're not entirely wrong.
• 9:24
  But I have been to a bunch of different churches.
• 9:28
  I did go to a Catholic Church for most of my childhood.
• 9:32
  When we moved to San Antonio, though, it was a much bigger
• 9:34
  place than where we we lived in Corpus Christi until I was 14,
• 9:37
  which is much smaller. So when we got to San Antonio,
• 9:40
  like the closest Catholic Church in traffic was like an hour and
• 9:45
  a half away and my mom was one of those like 8:00 AM.
• 9:48
  So we would have to leave at like 6:00 AM.
• 9:49
  She wasn't about it. There was a non denominational
• 9:52
  church that was like 2 miles away.
• 9:54
  So we went to that and you can tell the difference.
• 9:57
  But regardless, I. Grew up Irish and then I went to
• 10:00
  AI mean Italian church, then went to then by the time Austin
• 10:05
  was getting born and he had to go through baptism and stuff.
• 10:09
  Then we pretended we had cared about church again for a little
• 10:10
  bit as a family. We had to go so Austin can get
• 10:14
  fucking like, which doesn't make any sense.
• 10:16
  Like we're like, yeah, we're not about this and you're not going
• 10:18
  to get communion. That's fucking a waste of your
• 10:19
  time. But they're like, we better dunk
• 10:22
  that fucking baby. I had to get married a second
• 10:24
  time. So I got married through the
• 10:26
  justice of the peace. Me and my ex-husband were in one
• 10:29
  second. Mom.
• 10:30
  OK, sure. Finish your story.
• 10:33
  Finish your story. Well, just give me a second.
• 10:35
  I'm gonna let you finish. But I'm curious on something.
• 10:37
  Mom. What?
• 10:39
  Come here. No, 2 minutes.
• 10:42
  Come here. She's.
• 10:43
  Watching Days of Our Lives, this is good.
• 10:45
  This is, she just yelled back. I don't want to. 2 minutes got
• 10:53
  her Nope. It's still playing.
• 10:57
  She didn't pause it. Oh, there it goes.
• 11:00
  Nope, she didn't pause it. All right, whatever.
• 11:02
  So anyway, I don't even know where I was at.
• 11:03
  Thanks. James and communion or
• 11:06
  something? Oh, so we got married through
• 11:08
  the justice of the peace when we were in the Air Force.
• 11:11
  And then we came up here, I had a couple kids.
• 11:14
  Well, first of all, I, I didn't think I was ever going to have
• 11:16
  kids, but I got pregnant with Elena.
• 11:19
  And then they were like, well, we're going to have to baptize
• 11:22
  the baby like through the church.
• 11:24
  Have you guys gotten married yet?
• 11:25
  And we're like, yeah, we got married through the justice of
• 11:27
  the peace. And they're like, but you didn't
• 11:28
  receive the ACT because it wasn't by a priest.
• 11:31
  So you need to get married again through the church.
• 11:34
  So it was like, OK, well, can we do this like when I'm not
• 11:37
  pregnant? You had a.
• 11:37
  Divorce twice. Now, so hold on.
• 11:41
  So we waited until I had Elena and then we had her baptized.
• 11:49
  And by the time Elena was three months old, I found out I was
• 11:52
  pregnant with Katie Jesus. So it was like, hang on guys,
• 11:56
  we're going to put this on pause again, have another baby,
• 11:59
  whatever. But they literally made us get
• 12:01
  married a second time through the church, had to go through
• 12:05
  the marriage classes, all that jazz.
• 12:07
  But they had, they made us do all of that before they would
• 12:10
  baptize like they were like, we'll baptize your kids, but you
• 12:13
  have to get married through the church.
• 12:14
  I. Would love to have like a game
• 12:17
  plan where we're like, hey, listen, we're going to go get
• 12:19
  married and we're going to we're going to go to a church and ask
• 12:23
  if they could marry us and then have them make us take classes
• 12:26
  and then just go in there and bomb and.
• 12:28
  Then just do horrible. Like like how dancer are they
• 12:32
  for the money for us to run the church?
• 12:34
  You have to pay for the marriage classes.
• 12:36
  Yeah. And then you you still have to
• 12:38
  pay the priest to do the wedding.
• 12:40
  But I'm saying and then. They were trying to get us to.
• 12:41
  Do their classes they were. Trying to get more.
• 12:43
  Money or will they keep you in longer and ask for more money
• 12:46
  like I wanna my whole objective would be is what they would how
• 12:49
  there wasn't. Really like tests like you just
• 12:51
  had to sit there and listen to it.
• 12:53
  You have to like talk or ask questions or actually I mean
• 12:56
  there. Was like stuff where you had to
• 12:57
  like get involved and like talk with the other people there, but
• 13:00
  it wasn't like, so this is like. Streamlined This isn't like, yo,
• 13:03
  we're going to make you and your husband sit down and really
• 13:05
  figure each other out. Oh yeah, no, this like barely
• 13:08
  had anything to do with each other.
• 13:09
  It was all to do with religion. What are you talking about?
• 13:12
  Would that make more? Sense this?
• 13:14
  Is the biggest gift that Jesus can give you is another person
• 13:17
  so I wonder. Why marriage isn't fucking
• 13:19
  failing. What you should do is make two
• 13:21
  people sit and roll and. Fucking.
• 13:23
  Talk to each other and be like yo what is your legit ideas for
• 13:27
  the world? And then you're like holy fuck I
• 13:29
  married a psycho because I didn't sit and talk to him for
• 13:32
  16 minutes before we put rings on each other's fingers.
• 13:34
  That should be marriage counseling.
• 13:36
  It was like 3. Months.
• 13:37
  Of listening to me, you know what I'm saying?
• 13:41
  I'm just saying I think like I I'm going to, I'm going to put
• 13:46
  some out there I and skip marriage counseling and go to
• 13:49
  therapy before you get married. Like you should go to couples
• 13:51
  therapy honestly. I think couples therapy should
• 13:53
  be like a prerequisite to marriage, yeah.
• 13:56
  I don't think you, I don't think you should be forced to, but I I
• 13:59
  think it's a good idea for a couple too.
• 14:01
  I think that even if you're in one of the best, happiest
• 14:04
  relationships you've ever been in your life, you're not going
• 14:07
  to fully know who that person is.
• 14:09
  And I think that it's important to like dig deeper.
• 14:12
  And I don't think that you can always know the right questions.
• 14:15
  Whereas if someone's there to help you, like, hey, what do you
• 14:18
  think about this? What do you think about that?
• 14:19
  I think that it's just something that I'm not saying you have to
• 14:22
  be forced to do it, but I think that it would be like, hey, you
• 14:25
  have your marriage license. OK, Well, here's like, here's a
• 14:29
  list of justice of the pieces. And here's a list of couples
• 14:32
  therapists. It's interesting, there were
• 14:38
  some things towards the end of of my relationship, marriage
• 14:44
  that like I remember sitting there saying like saying
• 14:47
  something out loud that could have like, so it sucked to say
• 14:52
  it, but it was the truth. But like, I was at one point in
• 14:54
  time, I didn't have, like, most of her family's phone numbers or
• 14:57
  like, I don't know, I, I, I was like, I think at the time I
• 15:02
  didn't even have her mom's number.
• 15:03
  I think everything was through Facebook.
• 15:05
  And I, I was like, yo, I don't even know if I have, like,
• 15:08
  numbers to call. If something were happening, I
• 15:09
  know who I wouldn't, wouldn't know who to call.
• 15:12
  And I was like, it was a horrible thing to say, but it
• 15:14
  was like the truth at that point in time.
• 15:15
  Question for you. We're talking about religion and
• 15:18
  church. So we quit the church when
• 15:20
  Grandma and Betty died. Yeah.
• 15:24
  Well. Yeah, yeah.
• 15:26
  When Grandma Betty died, we were like, yo, what you guys did was
• 15:28
  dirt balls. We're not going back because I
• 15:31
  don't remember church at all growing up.
• 15:33
  I went to CC. Why did you just put me in CCD?
• 15:36
  What was what was the thing for that?
• 15:38
  Was that a monseigneur wassel thing?
• 15:40
  Let's go. Back there, we stopped going to
• 15:43
  Our Lady Mount Carmel because Father Plots came to the house
• 15:47
  and wanted more money for your grandma and Betty.
• 15:49
  Yeah, OK. So that what she, I don't know
• 15:51
  if you can hear, but she said that like the, the after my
• 15:53
  grandmother died, she just took a quick contact.
• 15:55
  She went and donated essentially everything she had to her name
• 15:59
  to the church at A at a banquet, went back to her table, put her
• 16:04
  head down and was rushed to the hospital and died later on that
• 16:08
  night. So like, she literally in her
• 16:09
  final breath, gave the last of her money to a church.
• 16:14
  And a couple days later, after we buried her, they're like,
• 16:19
  hey, how about more money? Yeah, that's crazy.
• 16:23
  And they thought. She had more he wanted.
• 16:25
  He wanted. He wanted her bank account.
• 16:27
  Yeah. Well, he asked for her bank
• 16:29
  account for the. Routing number statement from.
• 16:31
  Her bank because he didn't believe me that she was broke.
• 16:33
  Wow, he had the he had the balls ask you for her.
• 16:36
  A statement of her bank account. I would have beat the shit out
• 16:40
  of that priest. Was dad home?
• 16:44
  No. I was buying his home by myself.
• 16:46
  Butch and Dad were at work. Yo, I would have fucked dude up.
• 16:49
  Could you imagine the balls? All right, so just get the house
• 16:55
  and. Knocked on the door.
• 16:57
  So me working at Francesco's got to know Father Dean very well,
• 17:04
  which is Saint Mary's. It's a Byzantine church.
• 17:07
  It's so Catholic, but it's Byzantine.
• 17:10
  The hell does that mean Byzantine.
• 17:12
  It's it's like the OK, So like there's different, there's like
• 17:15
  different. Branches of Catholic right?
• 17:18
  So there's like Roman Catholic, there's Irish Catholic, there's
• 17:22
  Russian Catholic, there's the Byzantines, there's the
• 17:25
  Presbyterians I. Still don't know what what what
• 17:28
  it's. Just a different, it's like a
• 17:30
  different dialect of Spanish, right?
• 17:32
  Like there's, there's Dominican Spanish, there's Puerto, they
• 17:34
  don't. They don't teach differently,
• 17:35
  it's still Catholic. It's all basically the same
• 17:37
  thing, yeah. It's not like so non
• 17:39
  denomination. Really, at the end of the day,
• 17:41
  it just comes down to the dates that they do things, no?
• 17:44
  But non denomination. Faith in God one has.
• 17:49
  Catholic is like this is the rule book.
• 17:51
  This is everything you have to go by step by step.
• 17:53
  You have to do the prayers like this.
• 17:55
  You have to do like this, But then Byzantine is more like, and
• 17:59
  we're going to read from the Bible, but like we're also going
• 18:02
  to paraphrase from it. We're going to just teach you
• 18:04
  the teachings of it and not like because the.
• 18:06
  Non denomination is like the non.
• 18:08
  Denomination is like F. The Saints the like.
• 18:11
  Well, it's not. Like F the only person?
• 18:13
  No, no they don't. They don't.
• 18:14
  Vitalize them or worship them like they they're like hey we
• 18:17
  know they're there but we don't worship Mary.
• 18:19
  Non denomination like God is the only person and more don't.
• 18:23
  They don't do the blood and the body and the blood and all of
• 18:26
  that. Like they don't do communion and
• 18:27
  stuff like that. It's more about this is non
• 18:30
  denominational he's talking about so this.
• 18:32
  The difference between the Byzantine Catholic and the the
• 18:36
  the Roman Catholic, Yeah. When Austin was born, he was
• 18:40
  baptized. He received communion,
• 18:42
  confirmation, everything right up at his bachelor.
• 18:45
  Oh. So he you got you got him to
• 18:47
  you're getting him ready for heaven and not me.
• 18:49
  So I see what you did. You found the loophole to get
• 18:52
  him all all in one car wash all the.
• 18:54
  Axe and one but. Before body wash.
• 18:56
  Before This is why I'm this is I'm I'm, I'm doomed.
• 19:00
  I'm doomed to damnation. We.
• 19:02
  Started taking you to catechism because of Aunt Margaret and
• 19:05
  when. Did you?
• 19:06
  Receive we wanted you to re receive communion and all but
• 19:10
  you didn't make it too well. And and when then he pissed me
• 19:15
  off even more and I wasn't about to join his fucking church
• 19:19
  because all the shit he was causing.
• 19:22
  So then I went to the Byzantine with Austin.
• 19:24
  Yeah, Byzantine is the one directly behind us, Like 2
• 19:28
  houses, like 2 we're not. Even there anymore either is.
• 19:32
  It an empty church the. Only thing in town right now is.
• 19:36
  Really. Is that?
• 19:37
  One. Yeah, all.
• 19:38
  The other churches closed yeah, so interesting yeah so so we so
• 19:43
  we why did we do that? Like what was the reason for
• 19:45
  getting like we didn't really care about faith or religion as
• 19:49
  a family. So why why was it a big deal to
• 19:51
  get Austin? Like why was it?
• 19:53
  Why? Why was it?
• 19:54
  Why did? You guys have to get baptized
• 19:55
  because. You had no pressure of like any
• 19:57
  legit Catholics breeding on your neck.
• 19:58
  Like your mom never gave a shit about that my.
• 20:01
  Mother-in-law told me I couldn't, Dean.
• 20:02
  Was a very nice man. Oh.
• 20:04
  Francesco, you did say that. Yeah, very nice.
• 20:06
  Man, and I got to go away. I started going to his church
• 20:09
  and everything was just working out pretty well.
• 20:10
  Then he was transferred and then all this shit went down with the
• 20:13
  churches and it was just hard to get there.
• 20:15
  Were you? Taking me to church at that
• 20:17
  time, I wasn't going couple. Times.
• 20:19
  Yes, you went with this. Really.
• 20:20
  Yeah, Yes, you. Did.
• 20:23
  I don't the only time I ever remember going to church and I
• 20:25
  like you're like we have to is what went awesome you.
• 20:29
  Went a couple times if you were there.
• 20:31
  Crazy. Yeah.
• 20:33
  And then we were going to work on you getting going to the
• 20:36
  Byzantine too, but then Father Doom was transferred got.
• 20:39
  You. Oh.
• 20:40
  Shit went down there and. Then I went to black church
• 20:41
  across the street. Yeah.
• 20:42
  And then? He went with them.
• 20:44
  But see, when Austin they and what happens is when you go for
• 20:48
  when you go for communion at a Byzantine church, they don't
• 20:51
  give you the bread right away. So as Austin was growing up,
• 20:56
  he'd just give him a taste of the wine and give him a taste of
• 20:58
  the wine, and that's how they would do it.
• 21:00
  Wasn't there a time we went to and then when?
• 21:03
  Wait and then the one time he did give him a piece of bread,
• 21:05
  he snuck a piece of bread in and I didn't know it, but he spit it
• 21:09
  out. Father had to get it and do
• 21:12
  something to it because of him doing that like that was bad
• 21:15
  like I don't know what he did to it and some say he would eat it.
• 21:19
  I don't know what he did that's. What?
• 21:20
  Yeah, that's what every every. So I was an altar.
• 21:23
  She. Told me what happened and I was
• 21:26
  like, so sorry, isn't that's not your fault.
• 21:28
  Ivy wasn't ready. Didn't Austin pull the middle
• 21:30
  finger up when he got baptized? No.
• 21:34
  It was, it was Nathaniel, one of our Nathaniel did, yeah.
• 21:38
  They dumped him and he came up and he's like they.
• 21:42
  Don't don't forget where he was, Austin.
• 21:45
  Austin got no. They poured it on him.
• 21:47
  Austin No. Austin was Austin was dipped.
• 21:50
  Are you? Maybe you're right, Austin.
• 21:52
  Was dipped. Not not as much as I thought.
• 21:55
  Father Dean was very afraid as like.
• 21:58
  I thought that was more of like a Baptist thing to dunk.
• 22:00
  Do you have? You ever watched like a YouTube
• 22:01
  compilation of they? Just they just.
• 22:03
  They just. They like pour it on top of
• 22:05
  their we. We spent three fucking hours in
• 22:07
  that church that. Day Yeah, wear.
• 22:09
  Mass and then his Sarah. His thing was another hour.
• 22:13
  Almost two. It was awful.
• 22:14
  And and then I think the reason I went so much with with Austin
• 22:19
  is because of who I picked as the grandparents, godparents.
• 22:22
  I picked Jerry Scully. And and John Mattino, yeah.
• 22:27
  So you know what I mean? You just can't pick godparents
• 22:29
  and then that goes, you know what I mean?
• 22:33
  So my. Godparents are unique choice.
• 22:37
  Unique choice for my godparents. But you couldn't do it because
• 22:40
  he was Protestant would. He was he the first choice?
• 22:44
  Yeah, if he were as Catholic, he would have been your godfather.
• 22:47
  Was my godmother always the same pick?
• 22:49
  Was my godmother always the same pick?
• 22:52
  Was it like you pick one from your side?
• 22:53
  I actually don't know. It would have been both on Dad.
• 22:55
  Anybody. From my side, because none of my
• 22:56
  sisters went through communion or anything, they were Catholic,
• 22:59
  but they never. Interesting.
• 23:01
  And. Who would have been the pick?
• 23:04
  If Colleen, I would have picked Colleen.
• 23:05
  Really, Colleen would be my godmother.
• 23:08
  Interesting if Butchie and Colleen were my godparents, boy.
• 23:13
  Well, they would have hated live if y'all would have croaked.
• 23:16
  If either one of them had to raise me, they would you.
• 23:17
  Guys were wondering, I don't know who any of these people are
• 23:20
  too, Colleen. Was my maid of honor, but he was
• 23:22
  the best man he. Was yeah, and they.
• 23:24
  Were not even Catholic, but they were still allowed to do it
• 23:26
  because we were going to the Church all right.
• 23:28
  That's all I needed. You can go back to days of life.
• 23:29
  I just I had a religious question.
• 23:31
  I didn't remember why we started going back for Austin and then
• 23:34
  it just because you care about his soul and not mine.
• 23:36
  But cool, we got it it. Had nothing to do with, not.
• 23:39
  Caring about you. It didn't you guys.
• 23:40
  It's live on the podcast, Austin.
• 23:42
  Austin's going to heaven. I'm going to hell, guys.
• 23:43
  See you there. You're doing a podcast right
• 23:47
  now? Yeah.
• 23:48
  This is recording the whole lot. Cameras right here.
• 23:52
  Thanks and this. Is live not.
• 23:53
  Live, but it's being recorded. She probably should have said,
• 23:56
  hey, I'll let you know. You're being recorded right now.
• 23:58
  Yeah, you should have. You didn't say anything crazy.
• 24:00
  You're fine. Good content.
• 24:02
  See you later. Welcome to the podcast.
• 24:07
  I thought we were going to get you to come around a little bit
• 24:10
  because when you started going with the mother, do you remember
• 24:12
  the stories with the Mother Teresa?
• 24:14
  Yeah. Yeah, I, I was, I was, I went.
• 24:17
  I didn't go to their church. I just went inside and they'd
• 24:19
  read the Bible stories. You.
• 24:20
  Did a lot of things with them. There's times I would scream for
• 24:23
  him and he wouldn't never answer me.
• 24:25
  And he had me so worried that one time I'm screaming and I'm
• 24:29
  screaming and then after I guess the none of us have heard me
• 24:32
  screaming and they came over and they said we're so sorry but we
• 24:35
  were praying and I couldn't. So anymore, if I went outside
• 24:39
  and yelled for him, if he was with them, they'd come to the
• 24:42
  window and waved to me to let me know that that's 9 out of 10
• 24:45
  times that's where he was. So when I was with Mother
• 24:48
  Teresa, she didn't know they didn't know I left the porch and
• 24:52
  they're like because now Monte City is has 100 thousands of
• 24:56
  people and she. No, because you yelled Tony and
• 24:59
  then I I go see you guys got to go when I left.
• 25:03
  Yeah, but. His handwriting was neutrocious
• 25:05
  as a kid. It still is, yes.
• 25:08
  I have I have a nice handwriting you stop it he.
• 25:11
  Started with chicken and Tony. Was Tony would start writing
• 25:13
  with one hand, writing with the left hand, writing with one
• 25:16
  hand. You can never know what hand he
• 25:17
  was. I was.
• 25:18
  Ambidextrous. And the one time he was writing
• 25:21
  the Lord's Prayer and it was so nice.
• 25:25
  And I said to him, why can you do this?
• 25:28
  Because this is for my my. For the mother, for.
• 25:33
  The nuns and you, that that paper was so beautiful and you
• 25:36
  brought it over to them. I wasn't able to keep it because
• 25:38
  he took it over to them. I didn't know I did that, yes.
• 25:41
  And his it was. It was beautiful.
• 25:43
  His handwriting was Immaculate. This paper was so.
• 25:47
  When? You were starting the in the in
• 25:49
  the it's of going to CCD. You had to write.
• 25:52
  You had to write it. Yeah.
• 25:54
  And I said it was beautiful handwriting.
• 25:55
  And I asked him, why can't you write like this all the time?
• 25:58
  Because this is for God and this is for them.
• 26:01
  I was a. Little God kid, I was.
• 26:03
  I was gay for God, huh? No, They had you?
• 26:08
  Yeah. They, you know, I still remember
• 26:10
  to this day. I know we're so off topic.
• 26:12
  I was really, but I I know I remember to this day like it's
• 26:16
  one. I don't have a lot of memories
• 26:17
  of a child of my childhood, but I remember exactly what story
• 26:21
  they read me first that hooked me.
• 26:25
  Oh, Soda burp, the story of Samson, Look at.
• 26:31
  His hair now you know. Why they picked it?
• 26:35
  Because Delilah had him. What were they?
• 26:38
  What was I always playing with at that time?
• 26:41
  What was I into wrestlers, Wrestling.
• 26:44
  Samson looked like a pro wrestler.
• 26:45
  That was their end. Huge.
• 26:46
  He was big and strong, yeah. That was exactly their in
• 26:49
  They're like, oh, you like those strong men?
• 26:51
  Here's the story of Samson. And then what happened was he
• 26:54
  got really attached to these, this.
• 26:57
  I think she, I believe she was from Venezuela.
• 26:59
  Yeah. She was a very tall woman.
• 27:02
  She used to be out there playing basketball.
• 27:04
  Soccer. And basketball, she was
• 27:06
  dribbling the ball with you a lot out there, too.
• 27:08
  She was younger. I could I remember though she
• 27:10
  wasn't. Too much younger, but she was
• 27:11
  the one that came back with Mother Teresa, and she was the
• 27:13
  one that came in. Yeah.
• 27:14
  She was like a big deal, she was.
• 27:15
  A very nice lady. But they do during Lent.
• 27:20
  They're not allowed to talk. They don't socialize for. 40
• 27:22
  days they don't do. Anything right?
• 27:24
  They're in like he. Was confused like why aren't
• 27:27
  they coming for me? Why aren't they doing this?
• 27:29
  Why aren't they doing that and that or?
• 27:31
  When they would walk out and go to the church, I'd be like, hey,
• 27:34
  hey, and they would, she would just Stonewall me and I'd be
• 27:37
  like, I think that. Kind of like.
• 27:38
  Upset him because. He didn't understand what was
• 27:41
  going on. And then she moved away and
• 27:44
  then. Then unchanged.
• 27:46
  And then nobody picked up on him like she did.
• 27:49
  And then Mother Teresa came and she came and got them.
• 27:51
  Yeah. Because like, I was like, oh,
• 27:53
  I'm done. All my homies left.
• 27:54
  Like the new ones won't talk to me.
• 27:56
  Because I think at that point in time, a lot of the nuns they're
• 28:00
  bringing in were Hispanic or Venezuelan or like, South
• 28:03
  American. Yeah, didn't.
• 28:04
  Speak a lot. And then from that friend.
• 28:06
  And then there was a wave where it was like a bunch of people
• 28:09
  from Nigeria and then it was more like Middle East.
• 28:12
  Yeah, people like nuns or like, you know, like that area.
• 28:16
  But like the other ones, their English wasn't amazing or they
• 28:20
  didn't really were comfortable do like this.
• 28:23
  It was only really this one nun who really took time to like and
• 28:26
  the. Prayer Garden was already yeah.
• 28:28
  No, we built it. We built the people.
• 28:30
  Talking about afterwards, yeah. Like all that was already done
• 28:33
  and then the then the Lent happened or that used to happen
• 28:36
  and they all and then he just like was like forgotten about
• 28:40
  because the the same nuns weren't even there anymore when
• 28:42
  they came back after that so. Yeah, well, Mother Teresa came.
• 28:45
  I was like, everyone's like Mother Teresa and I ran up to
• 28:47
  the the other nun in the gate. I was like giving her a big hug.
• 28:50
  And that Mother Teresa was kind of like, I mean, she didn't like
• 28:52
  she wasn't like a famous person. Like why does he not care about
• 28:55
  me and her? Like he she was actually more
• 28:58
  impressed that everyone was making a big deal about her and
• 29:01
  as a pure innocent kid, the only reason I was I was connecting to
• 29:04
  her because the love she gave me and I and the mother.
• 29:07
  I think I think that's what like Mother Teresa was like.
• 29:09
  I gave that that Lady Brownie points that day.
• 29:12
  He's. Like holding up his wrestler,
• 29:14
  his mother's Teresa is going by. She called me down, but I.
• 29:18
  Was saying you were showing her your wrestler.
• 29:20
  Yeah, I was like, and she's like, come here.
• 29:22
  And I went down and she's like, what's that?
• 29:26
  Oh, up there, I'm having Summer Slam.
• 29:28
  This is Macho Man, this is Hulk Hogan, and they're going to
• 29:31
  fight for the belt. And she's like, all right.
• 29:35
  And she like, blessed me and kissed me on the head and just
• 29:38
  walked away. Did you?
• 29:39
  Tell her what you want me to do to follow the muscle with.
• 29:41
  The cars with the cars. Yeah, I used to so.
• 29:46
  Pissed off the doors will open and there's a toss not there.
• 29:48
  Playing with the and his cars. Are everywhere, hundreds of
• 29:50
  them. And I'm like scooping them up
• 29:51
  and sticking in my shirt trying to.
• 29:54
  I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
• 29:55
  I told you to stop doing that. All right, I'll stop.
• 29:59
  I'll stop. And then no.
• 30:02
  No, no. You gotta go, you gotta go.
• 30:04
  But yeah, sorry, we took like a huge religion detour, but all
• 30:08
  right, go enjoy your show. It's.
• 30:11
  Over. Now, all right, superheroes you
• 30:14
  want to talk about Speaking of nuns, not.
• 30:17
  Jesus, yeah. We're religious superheroes, so
• 30:20
  real superheroes. So why did you want to bring him
• 30:21
  a superhero conversation so. I didn't.
• 30:24
  There was a Snapchat filter that we had.
• 30:26
  It was like a superhero filter, and you said you were going to
• 30:30
  do it too. And we were talking about
• 30:32
  superheroes. But I was upset because my
• 30:34
  superhero filter made me look like freaking rock.
• 30:37
  And I was like, why of all superheroes, why I had to be
• 30:40
  black at them? Why?
• 30:43
  So here's a question for you. Who was your first superhero you
• 30:46
  got into and like, who are some of your favorite?
• 30:49
  I don't know who your favorite superheroes are.
• 30:51
  That hurts me. I don't, I don't know who they
• 30:54
  are. OK.
• 30:55
  So first superhero. So first of all, I don't
• 30:59
  remember a single episode, but I was actually obsessed with Power
• 31:03
  Rangers as a kid. Like Kimberly was my every pink
• 31:06
  Power Ranger. That was my girl.
• 31:08
  Yeah, I can't tell you the plot of any of them.
• 31:11
  I was so young watching it, but I used to watch that.
• 31:13
  I don't know if that really counts, but I would.
• 31:15
  That was like a that was like a superhero for me, as like a
• 31:18
  little kid. I was like, the Power Rangers
• 31:19
  are. 100 Rangers. Are going to come save the day
• 31:21
  you know what I mean yeah they're.
• 31:22
  Superheroes. So I would say that was probably
• 31:24
  like my first intro, I guess, to superheroes.
• 31:27
  But then the Marvel thing started going on like the
• 31:32
  cinematic. Universe.
• 31:33
  Yeah, OK. Iron Man and everything, but I
• 31:36
  mean, listen, at the time I just got to say I was like 1819 at
• 31:41
  the time when Thor came out, I was like, jeez, Chris Hemsworth,
• 31:44
  let's go. And then that's actually, I
• 31:47
  think what really sparked me into watching more.
• 31:48
  I, I, I'm not going to sit here and be like I read comic books,
• 31:52
  like I'm not, I'm not trying to be a poser by any means.
• 31:56
  Like I, I enjoy watching. I don't.
• 31:59
  I didn't grow up with a lot of pop culture as much as I
• 32:03
  probably could have read comic books.
• 32:05
  My mom probably would have been cool with that.
• 32:06
  But I read a lot of books, like just books itself.
• 32:10
  I wasn't very big on like media, TV time or or screen time
• 32:15
  really. So.
• 32:15
  You you went from Power Rangers superheroes to essentially Harry
• 32:18
  Potter. OK, so I went from Power Rangers
• 32:22
  to So again, my mom, I, I did grow up in a very religious
• 32:25
  household. Really funny story.
• 32:29
  I went from in 3rd grade I was in like, I don't know if they
• 32:34
  what they call them here, but they were like ace classes where
• 32:36
  you're like you're a gifted and talented or whatever they were.
• 32:38
  So I started getting into those classes very young.
• 32:42
  So in 3rd grade was like the first time that I was in one of
• 32:45
  those classes and 3rd grade is when Harry Potter came out.
• 32:48
  So we all read it as a class. So yes, I did grow up with Harry
• 32:51
  Potter from 3rd grade. The last book came out when I
• 32:53
  was 18, but I got really into The Lion, the Witch and the
• 32:58
  Wardrobe by CS Lewis. We had to read that, I think 4th
• 33:03
  or 5th grade. But I was like so obsessed with
• 33:06
  it that my mom bought me the whole 7 book set.
• 33:09
  And the movie was coming out around the same time.
• 33:11
  And there were like all these people that were like like
• 33:15
  religious groups that were saying it was like the devil and
• 33:17
  everything because this guy's trying to pretend to be God and
• 33:20
  blah blah. If you know anything about CS
• 33:22
  Lewis, he is a religious author. Like this is he.
• 33:27
  He wrote books on Christianity and and and all of that.
• 33:31
  But I was trying. To sneak it in on this, yeah.
• 33:32
  And everyone's like, oh, we got a, we got A and that and the the
• 33:36
  golden I never, I was never allowed to watch the Golden
• 33:38
  Compass. That was the Antichrist too.
• 33:40
  I don't know why I still haven't seen it.
• 33:42
  Just started to watch it. Was Pokémon a problematic I?
• 33:45
  Liked Pokémon was. But I know like religious groups
• 33:47
  went after that too 'cause they're pocket monsters, so.
• 33:49
  Maybe because I like so obviously I don't think Pokémon
• 33:53
  ever went. Not that it never went on DVD
• 33:55
  cause Pokémon's still a thing today, but like the the TV show
• 33:59
  I used to watch that after school whenever.
• 34:02
  We boot. I never was a fantasy.
• 34:03
  So here's the thing. Any TV shows that I watched
• 34:06
  growing up as a kid, I watch from the hours of 3:00 PM until
• 34:11
  6:00 PM before my mom got home from work.
• 34:13
  It was a let's watch whatever we can get homework done at the
• 34:16
  same time. So like whatever was like the
• 34:19
  after school TV shows. That was basically what I so
• 34:21
  you. Weren't like a TRL kid.
• 34:24
  So I what was the? Age gap between us so.
• 34:26
  Hold on, Wait. Pause.
• 34:27
  Yes, but no in high school in so we moved to an Antonio right
• 34:32
  before my freshman year at 5:00. But you didn't have peak TRL O.
• 34:35
  Hold on, let me finish. I didn't watch TRL after school
• 34:39
  because we started started getting watched by another
• 34:43
  religious person. So that was a big no no.
• 34:46
  But I had like 2 hours before school 'cause I would get on the
• 34:50
  bus. My mom living in San Antonio
• 34:51
  like traffic is crazy. So my mom would leave for work,
• 34:55
  she would take my sister to school 'cause the middle school
• 34:58
  was like a couple of blocks away from the house, but the high
• 35:00
  school was like 10 miles away, which in San Antonio language is
• 35:03
  like 2 hours. So the bus wouldn't get me.
• 35:05
  Like my mom would leave early. The bus wouldn't pick me up
• 35:08
  until like 7:30. My mom would be gone at like
• 35:12
  5:30. So I'd wake up early and I would
• 35:15
  watch TRL from the night before from the day before because it
• 35:17
  would be on early in the morning as a rerun, and I would watch
• 35:20
  VH1's top 10 every morning. Interesting.
• 35:23
  Yeah, I first kind of came home from school when I was younger.
• 35:27
  It was power, it was Pokémon Power Rangers.
• 35:29
  And then Fridays we used to be Are You Afraid of the dark?
• 35:35
  And then like Goosebumps would be on on a weekend, I believe,
• 35:38
  like a Saturday or Sunday morning.
• 35:40
  Are you afraid of? The dark, though, that was the
• 35:42
  one that had the campfire at the beginning, right?
• 35:44
  OK. And.
• 35:45
  Then it was like kids, a kids version of Twilight Zone.
• 35:50
  It was like a teenage, like a kid version, which had some
• 35:53
  pretty creepy stories. It was it was it was fun.
• 35:56
  And then I also so I would this is so I I'm I'm in the horror
• 36:01
  and like I watched wrestling here and there, but I wasn't
• 36:03
  like religious until like much, much later.
• 36:05
  And that would be like, OK, Monday night raw.
• 36:07
  That's it. And then when smack down here
• 36:09
  and there, but it was always just Monday night raw.
• 36:11
  Then South Park became huge where every every say if it was
• 36:15
  every Wednesday night South Park was on.
• 36:17
  We had to watch it because it was like we went we went to
• 36:20
  school the next day and talked about the episode and quoted it.
• 36:23
  And like even TRL, like I didn't have a lot of guy friends who
• 36:26
  were in TRL, but because I was always friends with everybody
• 36:29
  and most of the girls I hung out with growing up like Colette and
• 36:32
  all those other people. Were they all like they were my
• 36:34
  friend grew up and they're all girls.
• 36:35
  So they would be like Ma, the Backstreet Boys are In Sync is
• 36:38
  never won again. And I'd be like and and then my
• 36:42
  band who hit the scene. Blink. 182 They started coming
• 36:47
  on and then when they did all the small things making fun of
• 36:49
  their band and then they became number one of the TRL charts.
• 36:53
  It was like, oh, who's going to beat who?
• 36:54
  And then there was only a very short amount of time where there
• 36:57
  was ever a rock band or a hip hop song like even then like pop
• 37:03
  dominated TRL, like if you were a boy band or Christina or
• 37:06
  Britney like that, that was the you held the top one every time.
• 37:10
  I. Don't think I ever watched TRL
• 37:11
  when any of them were on. Yeah.
• 37:12
  That was P TRL. That was like when it was a big,
• 37:15
  big deal, I'll put it. To you this way, I remember so
• 37:18
  like 2006 is probably around the 2005 is when I moved to San
• 37:23
  Antonio. Yeah.
• 37:24
  So that was like, that was my fresh, my freshman.
• 37:27
  Year in high school. Was 2005 and that was like when
• 37:29
  emo was hitting. So My Chemical Romance was on.
• 37:32
  Like it was a bunch of like, alt music.
• 37:34
  Yeah, mixed in mixed. In it was more.
• 37:38
  Honestly, I feel like it went from being very, I don't want to
• 37:41
  say it was very pop, but it was very mainstream to like, we're
• 37:43
  going to give you a little bit of everything.
• 37:45
  Yeah, no. One cared about music videos at
• 37:46
  that time, at least my my school didn't like once you like we had
• 37:51
  TRL and then we all grew out of like not music, but we just grew
• 37:54
  out of like staying home and watching TV after school for
• 37:56
  that. Like we went and did other
• 37:57
  things. Or if you played sports, you
• 37:59
  didn't, you didn't get a chance to do that.
• 38:01
  But then like music videos, at least for it seems like my
• 38:04
  generation didn't get popular again until YouTube.
• 38:08
  Like no one was really going out of their way to watch 2. 1009,
• 38:11
  2009. Yeah, but like when YouTube was
• 38:13
  available on your phone, like. Oh, you know what I mean, Like
• 38:16
  my my group of kids weren't like go home instead of the computer
• 38:18
  kids like I still I was in the generation where like we would
• 38:22
  go out and ride bikes all day or we'll play back.
• 38:24
  You know what I mean? Like we had the computer, but we
• 38:26
  were it was still shitty computer that wasn't impressive
• 38:29
  all. My friends got to do that, yeah.
• 38:31
  I didn't like that's my I'm that last little gap of I feel.
• 38:36
  Well, I. Phones and still we rather be
• 38:38
  outside than be on technology and.
• 38:39
  I would say that I feel like my generation was part of that too,
• 38:42
  I just didn't get to experience it. 2005 I remember having
• 38:46
  phones that you can go on Facebook and Myspace with No.
• 38:49
  I had a Helio. I was able to I.
• 38:51
  Had a Sony Ericsson I got the first Sony Ericsson that was
• 38:54
  black and orange like didn't even have a full screen on it
• 38:57
  yeah, but it could play music that was in 2005 and we're.
• 39:01
  Paying $2.00 to have beep beep ringtones that sounded like the
• 39:05
  Oh my gosh. Where you would get the
• 39:06
  commercials in between. You know what my biggest, I'll
• 39:09
  say this. I know when my biggest time, my
• 39:11
  biggest TV watching time was of all year, the whole year.
• 39:15
  It was always when I go to my grandparents house.
• 39:17
  My grandmother never knew what to do with us so she would just
• 39:20
  sit us in front like so I would be like a month in the
• 39:22
  summertime just glued to the TV. I remember we had no another
• 39:25
  thing too with TV is like we didn't have parents.
• 39:29
  Are all my cousins on my mom's side for the most part didn't
• 39:32
  have parents who were like cared what we watched.
• 39:34
  And I remember the only time that like I remember literally
• 39:37
  sitting in my in my mom's house in Ashland and me and Jimmy and
• 39:41
  I think Megan and a few other people are there and we're
• 39:43
  watching Beavis and Butt Head And my grandmother and all of my
• 39:46
  aunts and uncles are like, what is it?
• 39:48
  Like they said they thought it was stupid, but they didn't
• 39:51
  like, turn this off. This is bad for you kids.
• 39:54
  Like like we watched Ren and Stimpy.
• 39:57
  Ren. And Stimpy was rough.
• 39:58
  Like I, I I wasn't. Allowed to watch Ren and Stimpy
• 40:01
  I wasn't there was like stuff that was on so I was allowed to
• 40:03
  only have there was 3 channels that we could watch it was
• 40:06
  Disney, Nickelodeon and ABC Family yeah those are the only
• 40:10
  three channels we were allowed to watch and we.
• 40:11
  Went to Colleen's house. Colleen and Steve were hard will
• 40:14
  be people like Steve would dress up as Dracula and scare the fuck
• 40:17
  out of us. But like we were watching Evil
• 40:18
  dead at fucking 11, like they didn't give a shit what we
• 40:21
  watched. Like, I don't know, I just I
• 40:23
  never really had that problem, but I would watch starting very,
• 40:28
  very young. Like that's why a lot of stand
• 40:29
  up comedians. Everyone's like, Oh, are you a
• 40:30
  big fan of Kevin Hart? I'm like, I see, I, I watched
• 40:33
  Kevin Hart like 15 years before he got popular because every
• 40:36
  Friday night Comedy Central presents would have these comics
• 40:40
  that would go up and perform and they have like little tiny mini
• 40:42
  specials. And I would watch them.
• 40:44
  And I, I watched Jeff Dunham before he got huge.
• 40:47
  I watched like everybody like ever.
• 40:49
  I seen all of their early like, because I was obsessed like
• 40:52
  Friday nights. I didn't go to football games.
• 40:53
  I stayed home and watched Conference Central presents.
• 40:55
  Like I was obsessed with it. I watched it all day.
• 40:57
  But yeah, it was that was like, yeah, but superheroes real
• 41:02
  quick. So superheroes for me, it was
• 41:03
  Batman got me new and then the X-Men animated series.
• 41:06
  But I was always I was you're generate you.
• 41:09
  You're not too much younger, but like we're all in the.
• 41:11
  Same generation. We're all for the record of
• 41:13
  making it sound like there's 20 years between us.
• 41:14
  There's five, yeah. But 5 is, 5 is a is a pretty
• 41:18
  well. Still, millennials, this isn't
• 41:20
  like as big of an age gap as us between.
• 41:22
  There is a huge jump in like technology and shit though.
• 41:25
  I don't. Think there really was as
• 41:27
  listen, I had a razor phone. Well, my mom had a razor phone.
• 41:30
  I got the hand me down. But but like I had the first
• 41:33
  iPod I got in 2008, not the first iPod.
• 41:39
  It was like the third generation.
• 41:40
  We were not rich enough to have the toys.
• 41:42
  All right. So our generation, our toys were
• 41:44
  very catered to the shows we watched too.
• 41:47
  Like everything was still like a television show or a movie and
• 41:51
  they would just sell you a toy figure line with it to get you
• 41:55
  to fucking be obsessed with it. And it worked every time.
• 41:58
  I have all the Beetlejuice. I had all the Beetlejuice tea,
• 42:00
  Dominion, turtles, Power Rangers, Pokémon.
• 42:02
  The toys were just as important as the show.
• 42:04
  But but. Superheroes.
• 42:06
  Superheroes like so we did the last episode of draft.
• 42:11
  I would do a draft, a superhero draft with you.
• 42:13
  We'll get, we'll do 55 picks. I'm just going to see where your
• 42:17
  superhero then lies. Now we can't pick the same ones.
• 42:19
  Do you want to go first or second?
• 42:22
  I don't even know if I can name 5.
• 42:24
  That's what we're going to try. We're going to do superheroes.
• 42:27
  You want to go first or. Second, what's the what's what's
• 42:29
  the just superhero like best superheroes, worst superheroes,
• 42:34
  your favorite? Oh, OK.
• 42:36
  Do you want to go first? OK, your first round pick.
• 42:44
  Give me a second. Hold on.
• 42:46
  Very favorite. Yeah.
• 42:48
  Honestly, Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman I think is amazing.
• 42:54
  The character Wonder Woman. No.
• 42:56
  So are we going by characters? That's.
• 42:58
  Why I'm not the? Actor who plays them.
• 43:01
  I only know the movies. That's what I'm telling you.
• 43:06
  Like as a like as a superhero, Yeah.
• 43:12
  What they represent, how you like them, how you identify with
• 43:15
  them. Does Valkyrie count?
• 43:19
  Yes, OK. Valkyrie.
• 43:21
  Yikes. That's a deep.
• 43:22
  That's like, all right, first I'll pick Spider.
• 43:25
  It's Batman for me. Like, that's Batman.
• 43:28
  OK, Yeah. That's a top tier.
• 43:31
  Here's the second wait. Do villains count too?
• 43:34
  No. We're going to superheroes.
• 43:37
  So like, I couldn't. Well, I mean, he has good
• 43:40
  qualities though. Loki.
• 43:43
  Because Loki would be my #1. I'll I'll allow you can have
• 43:47
  Loki, OK? All right #2 is going to be
• 43:50
  Spider Man. Damn it, you're going by
• 43:53
  character? Because I was going to be like,
• 43:54
  which Spider man? Yeah, which still pounds like.
• 43:58
  Actually, you you go, You want Valkyrie, then Loki, or you want
• 44:01
  to change Loki to Valkyrie I. Want to change Valkyrie?
• 44:04
  All right, so. Then who's your second pick My?
• 44:06
  2nd pick. We're only going to do 3 because
• 44:15
  you're taking listen, this is a podcast.
• 44:17
  I just, I just say. OK, but let's talk 25 minutes to
• 44:20
  your mom. We're talking.
• 44:22
  Though it is if we. Could hear if we could hear if
• 44:25
  we. Can. 2nd pick would be.
• 44:33
  It would be stop it because I keep going back and forth
• 44:36
  between all of them. I don't know.
• 44:38
  I think I would probably realistically I like the flash.
• 44:44
  Like I know that sounds weird, but like I really like the two.
• 44:46
  Is spider man. You already said spider Man.
• 44:49
  For one, I have. No, Batman's won Spider Man 2.
• 44:52
  Oh, I thought. You already said that.
• 44:53
  OK, All right. You're all like the boring ones,
• 44:56
  Superman. They're the best Superman #3 no,
• 45:00
  I hate. Superman.
• 45:01
  Yeah, I'm not. A big Superman fan?
• 45:02
  Only Superman's. Not that Superman's the worst.
• 45:06
  If Jason the Mole wasn't so hot, Aquaman would be the worst, but
• 45:11
  it's pretty bad. It's pretty bad.
• 45:12
  Yeah, I'm going to go with honestly, yo, I know he doesn't.
• 45:18
  He wasn't like, but as far as favorite favorites go, Iron Man.
• 45:22
  I really, I really enjoyed Iron Man like it's.
• 45:24
  Funny Every. Everything that I saw, Iron Man.
• 45:26
  Only got popular because of the movies, like as a comic book
• 45:28
  parent and he wasn't very popular.
• 45:30
  That's fair. I watched.
• 45:32
  I watched the second one and had no idea who Mickey Rourke was.
• 45:35
  There you go. #3 for me, if I can't pick a team because it
• 45:40
  encompasses too many peak characters, because.
• 45:42
  You can't say The Avengers. It would be like 5000 people.
• 45:45
  It would be. X-Men, like I'm a huge X-Men
• 45:46
  guy, but our Fantastic Four. But I'll just say, I'll say
• 45:50
  Daredevil. It's my #3. #4 Deadpool, which
• 45:53
  should have been like #2 yeah. Fucking.
• 45:56
  Forgot Deadpool? Yeah, that's, that's I just,
• 46:00
  that's my 3. But if I if I, if I got a
• 46:02
  fourth, I would say they're not like comic book superheroes, but
• 46:07
  the Ninja Turtles. OK, Yeah, OK.
• 46:11
  But they're. Like a team as well.
• 46:13
  I like, I love Power Rangers growing up, but like.
• 46:16
  Power Rangers. Power Rangers didn't stick with
• 46:17
  me as much as turtles did. I pert turtles I never like.
• 46:21
  I never fell out of love with the turtles so.
• 46:23
  When I'm going to do a little throwback here.
• 46:28
  Not to get too far into my personal life, but one of the
• 46:31
  first Christmases I had after me and my ex separated, I took the
• 46:36
  kids enough. I should say this in case they
• 46:39
  do end up watching it. I took them to the store like
• 46:44
  to, I don't remember if it was Kmart, Walmart, whatever that
• 46:48
  was doing like the Christmas layaways.
• 46:50
  And I was like, we're going to go to the store.
• 46:51
  We're going to figure out, we're going to get like our lists
• 46:54
  ready for Santa and we're going to look at everything in the
• 46:56
  store is. Layaways still a thing?
• 46:57
  Yes, I fucking love layaways is. It really I love layaways
• 47:00
  Walmart does lately yes really yes so I can go put APS 5 on my
• 47:05
  way yes. And pay it off in 8 to 10 weeks,
• 47:08
  whatever it is. 610, really 10 weeks, whatever it is, Yeah.
• 47:11
  I did not know that was still a thing.
• 47:12
  You. They, they tell you have like a
• 47:14
  certain time, like sort of like weekly.
• 47:16
  It's like let's say it's $183 a week, right?
• 47:19
  If you don't pay it on the next one, you have like 10 days to
• 47:22
  make a payment. So every, if you don't pay it
• 47:23
  within that 10 days, they're like, hey, back on the shelf.
• 47:25
  We'll give you your money back. But we can't guarantee that
• 47:27
  that's still going to be yours now.
• 47:29
  Like you don't have claim over that it's going back on the
• 47:31
  shelf. I remember getting layaway at
• 47:33
  Kmart Kmart. So that's where I took the kids.
• 47:35
  So we went and I had them like look through all the toys and
• 47:40
  everything. And it's so funny to me now with
• 47:43
  how they've grown up because Elena picked out every Barbie
• 47:47
  imaginable. Every Barbie.
• 47:49
  She did, yes. She that Christmas, she ended up
• 47:53
  getting Belle from Beauty and the Beast.
• 47:56
  She got Aurora from Sleeping Beauty and she got both.
• 48:01
  No, she got Elsa, just Elsa. And then Katie got Anna, but
• 48:06
  which are from Frozen. But Katie picked out, she got
• 48:10
  superheroes, Captain America and she got Iron Man and everything
• 48:15
  else that she picked out was Ninja Turtles.
• 48:17
  She got Ninja Turtle Rock. What are they called?
• 48:20
  Skates, roller, roller skates. She got Ninja Turtle pyjamas
• 48:25
  like everything was Ninja Turtles and it's funny.
• 48:28
  Because she's super pink and girly and Barbie and.
• 48:30
  That's what's so funny because now as adult, like as not as an
• 48:33
  adult, but like grown up a little bit more.
• 48:35
  They're 11 and 12 now. But Katie is all everything pink
• 48:40
  and girly. I mean, she likes Minecraft like
• 48:41
  she still does. She's still very much a tomboy.
• 48:44
  But like her aesthetic of like things that she likes is all
• 48:49
  very, very girly. And Elena's like dark.
• 48:53
  Yeah, Elena is more like I'm gonna, which is, it's
• 48:56
  interesting cuz like even I think Katie's still very much a
• 48:58
  superhero kid though. Like she's still likes
• 48:59
  superheroes, Yeah. Yeah, yeah, she's.
• 49:02
  Cuz I think because Elena. I could be wrong, but I don't
• 49:05
  think Elena gives a shit about pro wrestling.
• 49:08
  I don't think she's into it. I think that's.
• 49:09
  Accurate. Yeah.
• 49:10
  I think she goes, I think. That she gets excited at if she
• 49:13
  sees a really, really cool move, but she couldn't care less to
• 49:17
  watch the beginning, all the banter and all of that.
• 49:19
  She's like Katie is to the I don't.
• 49:21
  Know I could be wrong but Katie is when she's watching it she's.
• 49:25
  Invested like. She likes the fighting she likes
• 49:28
  not like not the violent aspect, but because you could tell she's
• 49:31
  a superhero fan and then she watches the anime for the same
• 49:33
  reasons and then the wrestling like it all kind of is, which I.
• 49:36
  Mean Elena also likes anime but I I also think that Elena is not
• 49:43
  so quick with her emotions. Like she's very, she keeps
• 49:47
  herself very guarded, like. I was shocked how much Katie
• 49:53
  like would go to that Guardians of the Galaxy scarf every time.
• 49:56
  Like she had other scarves but she liked it 'cause it was a
• 49:58
  superhero. 1 Groot. Yeah, because Groot.
• 50:00
  Because Groot is so cute. Oh, Groot.
• 50:03
  Groot. Gamora.
• 50:05
  Does she count? Wait, that would.
• 50:06
  Just be gardens. That's the Guardians team, no?
• 50:10
  We can't do a team. We can't do a team because
• 50:12
  honestly, listen, I didn't even know Mike Batista was a
• 50:15
  wrestler. Dave.
• 50:17
  Dave Batista, Sorry, there's actually a person in Kingston
• 50:20
  named Mike Batista. Shout out.
• 50:21
  He's a he's a car detailer and does like paint, paints cars
• 50:24
  really sick anyway. He's also in the Guardians of
• 50:27
  the Galaxy. Think he won the world
• 50:31
  Championship too. That's hilarious.
• 50:32
  Yeah. Dave Batista, yeah.
• 50:34
  I I didn't like Jax though. I thought he did a good job with
• 50:37
  Jax. And you know who else like, not
• 50:39
  that I didn't like, I was just like, oh, OK, they're just kind
• 50:41
  of like Comic Relief. But they weren't really like,
• 50:44
  listen, I think that Drax had a great back story.
• 50:46
  I wish I got more of it. Like, as far as the movies go,
• 50:49
  you know what I mean? But also the guy.
• 50:52
  And you didn't watch Ragnarok, did you?
• 50:55
  The big rock dude? I don't know.
• 50:57
  The Boulder dude frog. Or something.
• 50:59
  Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I could have done
• 51:01
  without him too. I was just like, we need more.
• 51:03
  I get to see. Guardians 3.
• 51:05
  Oh my gosh. And that's what I was going to
• 51:06
  say like that. I bawled my eyes.
• 51:09
  I don't want to say too much, but it was.
• 51:12
  I mean, I know a lot of the story.
• 51:13
  I know. You know a lot of it, but like
• 51:14
  when when you watch it like it is so like takes you by the
• 51:18
  heart and then rips. Like I don't know how it is but
• 51:22
  I'm shocked that Drax is still alive cause for a long time it
• 51:28
  was an. Emotional moment to listen to
• 51:31
  Jax. Like dies with the team very
• 51:33
  early. Oh yeah.
• 51:35
  So that one's that was more of like Rocket's back story, but it
• 51:39
  was just captivating, yeah. All right, we want to talk about
• 51:46
  some things we've done recently. Sure.
• 51:49
  So we went to some wrestling shows.
• 51:51
  We went to OH. I should have put on my shirt.
• 51:53
  We could have actually been tag team champs with the tag team.
• 51:55
  Champs yeah. So I, I got, I got welcomed back
• 51:59
  into the fold into the team at PPW, which is a lot of fun.
• 52:03
  Very excited to be part of the team again.
• 52:06
  And I got to do some backstage interviews, which I think
• 52:09
  strategically and I'm not doing this because I'm like, it's
• 52:12
  about me. It's about me.
• 52:13
  But I am putting myself a little more forward than I did in the
• 52:17
  past because like I, I kind of said this to a wrestler before I
• 52:21
  was like, man, I, I, the last eight years of this, I was kind
• 52:23
  of hoping that the, the, the business would put me over.
• 52:26
  But the. Door would just open for you,
• 52:27
  not. The door, but I feel like I I,
• 52:29
  if I would have had more people speak up of how much they enjoy
• 52:32
  my content from the like the I thought maybe the if I would
• 52:35
  have won over the inside of the, the insiders and then the
• 52:38
  insiders whole general public that I'm talented and the
• 52:41
  general public I would almost be validated first before I got
• 52:45
  popular. So all of my interviews,
• 52:47
  everything I've done in wrestling and, and the music I
• 52:49
  was always with on the other side of the curtain for the
• 52:52
  entertainment industry. Like, so I was winning over the
• 52:54
  back, but the front had no idea who I was.
• 52:57
  And that's still a thing for me. Like a lot of people don't
• 52:59
  realize I'm a podcaster. A lot of people don't know I'd
• 53:01
  make content at wrestling shows. They're just like, oh, you're
• 53:04
  the commentary guy here, but they don't know that I'm a
• 53:07
  commentary. I got a commentary job because
• 53:09
  of my content. So I think that's where I'm
• 53:12
  hurting or I think the backstage aspect where I can take the
• 53:16
  photos and videos and put them on there and then the company
• 53:20
  turns around and takes my videos of me doing the job and they
• 53:24
  share it to their audience like, oh, he's the backstage guy.
• 53:27
  So the he does the meet and greet.
• 53:29
  Some people will know he's a meet and greet guy.
• 53:30
  You know what I mean? So because I don't make it about
• 53:34
  me, I don't wear like very rarely wear like my podcast
• 53:37
  stuff. Like I think my pink hoodie's
• 53:38
  the most I've ever worn any of I wear AT shirt once and then I'd
• 53:41
  never wear it again. You wore.
• 53:44
  I think the first time I saw you wear a piece of your Birch was
• 53:48
  the first time you took a new PPW last year and you wore your
• 53:51
  blink shirt. Oh yeah, I just like that shirt
• 53:54
  a lot. I don't have any Blink shirts.
• 53:56
  Yeah, we're. Going to make that into a six
• 53:59
  something I don't know yet, yeah.
• 54:01
  But yeah, so they that was that. So I think that's going to be
• 54:04
  really cool. And then I still got to do some
• 54:06
  commentaries. A high tension and PPWI can do
• 54:09
  more. I can I will be doing and then
• 54:11
  high tension will be more backstage role.
• 54:13
  And then and then then Sunday we went and seen Wrestle Party 360,
• 54:19
  which was a lot of fucking fun. I kind of talked to you a little
• 54:22
  bit of it while I'll talk to you now a little wrestling talk.
• 54:24
  But like so, who stood out to you the most as a wrestler or
• 54:28
  performer that you didn't see before at Wrestle 360?
• 54:34
  Can I say Patriot Junior? Do you like Patriot Junior?
• 54:39
  No, actually, I liked him. Better as his other character
• 54:42
  later on. I liked Lucky 13 though, he was
• 54:44
  pretty cool. He was pretty dope that.
• 54:46
  What? Was the name of the guy that was
• 54:48
  that was fighting him 'cause that was real that whole that
• 54:51
  match, yeah Lucky 13 and oh, what was his name?
• 54:55
  I. Forget but he was like he, he
• 54:56
  scared me dude. At him throwing and I'll I'll be
• 54:59
  honest. So from where I was standing, I
• 55:02
  was directly under like one corner of the ring, like
• 55:06
  basically, but there was like a piece of wall, a bit of wall
• 55:09
  that was coming out over the ring of the one corner.
• 55:12
  So everybody had to like kind of duck when they were going into
• 55:14
  that corner. But I was terrified shaking the
• 55:17
  entire time because there was a screw hanging out by like an
• 55:21
  inch and a half just hanging out from that fucking corner.
• 55:24
  And I was like, I'm watching Big Dan, I'm watching, I'm trying to
• 55:27
  think who else was super freaking tall.
• 55:29
  That was like running over to that corner.
• 55:30
  And I'm like, Oh my God. Like I don't.
• 55:33
  Need somebody to lose an eye like I was freaking out.
• 55:36
  Lucky 13, someone I'm a big fan of.
• 55:37
  I like watching them perform. Scary as a cameraman with Lucky
• 55:40
  13. Very unpredictable.
• 55:42
  No idea when he was charging me or when he just thrown Oh.
• 55:46
  A dull Ultraman. Sorry you.
• 55:48
  Also got to see Ultraman just like actually wrestle.
• 55:50
  Wrestle I was. Telling Andrea because she was
• 55:53
  ended up being there and I was like, oh, no.
• 55:56
  Like when he pulled out the bat, I was like, not the bat.
• 55:58
  Oh. My.
• 55:59
  God, like I'm having teaching TSD because that was the same.
• 56:02
  I'm telling Andre I'm like, I watched him almost scalp Jimmy
• 56:06
  fucking Lloyd with that same back.
• 56:08
  Yeah. And she was like, that's not
• 56:09
  real, Barbara. I'm like, look at it.
• 56:11
  It's. Scrubbing it's skin, It's real.
• 56:15
  Yeah, it's, I wouldn't say it's full, but there's some on there
• 56:17
  'cause when he when he kept going across the stomach with
• 56:19
  it, you. Could watch it like the skin was
• 56:21
  pulling when. The girl, 'cause he came and hit
• 56:24
  the curtain, he hit the thing and the one girl's like, Oh my
• 56:26
  God, look at his stomach. And it was all like scratched
• 56:28
  apart. Yeah.
• 56:29
  Yeah. Oh, some girl spit right in his
• 56:31
  face. Yeah, like directly next.
• 56:32
  I was like, no, she did not. How good is he as a hero could.
• 56:36
  You. Yeah, he's great.
• 56:37
  Really amazing. Yeah.
• 56:38
  He's so he's my favorite, his T-shirts.
• 56:42
  I just don't. I don't think you ordered them
• 56:43
  online. I think you have to get them
• 56:44
  from him. Can I do?
• 56:45
  Like a little haul. Not right now.
• 56:50
  OK, I just. Don't want to move out with all
• 56:52
  the cameras and stuff and work you don't.
• 56:53
  Have to it's. Probably in the bag and.
• 56:55
  Then just. It's fine.
• 56:57
  Yeah, so I got some new T-shirts.
• 56:59
  We got to watch 2 new champions or two new belts.
• 57:05
  Yep. Tactic Champions chain and the
• 57:07
  Women's Championship Chain and. We ended up well.
• 57:09
  I got you a shirt, but I'm going to have to order.
• 57:13
  I'm going to have to order one online for myself.
• 57:17
  But we got a Sammy KS shirt. I got a Sammy KS sticker for my
• 57:20
  water bottle. We both got Los Toxico shirts.
• 57:24
  I ended up with a Sugar Damn shirt as well and a Dan Champion
• 57:30
  shirt and shorts and basketball shorts.
• 57:33
  Dan Champion basketball shorts, a Los Toxico sticker.
• 57:37
  Some Prince. We didn't even talk about Prince
• 57:38
  Nana, some Prince Nana on the signed autographs.
• 57:43
  How was it working your first meet and greet?
• 57:46
  I shouldn't say it too much, but it was so fun.
• 57:48
  It was so fun. Why you shouldn't say so much
• 57:50
  He. Like because he kept like he
• 57:52
  kept leaning over to me like so I was so Tony was doing like
• 57:56
  more of the actual meet and greet.
• 57:58
  I was like collecting the money, like explaining prices and stuff
• 58:01
  like that. But like he was like, hey, thank
• 58:04
  you so much for helping. And I was like, not a problem,
• 58:06
  you know, whatever. And then but he accidentally
• 58:09
  kicked over one of the coffee cups because I had our so we
• 58:12
  drank Princeton honest tea on the way to the show.
• 58:15
  We took our friend Maria and I was like, Oh, do you like tea?
• 58:18
  So I made her a cup too. But we like had our, our little
• 58:21
  Duncan cups, whatever. And I had them underneath the
• 58:23
  table and he accidentally kicked one over.
• 58:25
  He's like, Oh my gosh. I was like, don't worry.
• 58:26
  I drank all the tea out of it. And like he was like, you guys
• 58:29
  really like that deal. Like, no, it's good.
• 58:31
  And then after the hullabaloo, we, we got to hang out a little
• 58:35
  bit more. So that's cool.
• 58:37
  He was very nice. It was a very good meet and
• 58:39
  greet experience. What was it like seeing the him
• 58:41
  react with interact with fans? Can I?
• 58:43
  Say that we we just rewind for a minute.
• 58:47
  I almost cried watching him come out because like it clicked to
• 58:50
  me that like so first of all, I've already met one of my
• 58:53
  favorite wrestlers twice I've met Orange Cassidy, but it it
• 58:58
  clicked to me when I was looking back at the picture I was
• 59:00
  posting. I got a picture of Prince Mama
• 59:02
  and I, it's my profile picture now, but I was posting it and I
• 59:05
  like got teary eyed and I was like, I literally met the man
• 59:08
  who was like, you know what this is?
• 59:10
  That was he was the person who had like sparked the let's let's
• 59:13
  talk about fashion with wrestlers.
• 59:15
  Like this is Prince Mana. Like I've, I've always loved
• 59:17
  sort of Strickland style too. But like when Prince Mana came
• 59:19
  out, I'm like, who is that? Like that guy?
• 59:22
  Is it like that guy? Is it even cooler?
• 59:24
  Now that you know the guy who trained him.
• 59:27
  Yeah, crazy wild to me. It's.
• 59:31
  Insane how you meet one person. And they're connected by so many
• 59:35
  people, Spider. Web like you're like, oh, this
• 59:36
  guy's this oh, he actually is best friends with this guy who
• 59:39
  wrestles on TV. Oh, this person did this person
• 59:42
  used to live in fucking this guy's house.
• 59:44
  You know what I mean? Like it's it's wild how it's
• 59:47
  spider webs. Little Segway here, did you see
• 59:52
  that Damien Priest is going to be hosting?
• 59:55
  Slayer is going back on concert in concert for like 1 show and
• 59:59
  Damien Priest is going to be hosting it.
• 1:00:02
  That's wild. That's cool.
• 1:00:03
  I'm proud of him too. He's another one from our area
• 1:00:05
  that, you know, Jersey area, Northeast.
• 1:00:08
  But yeah, so sometimes you have experiences where they're
• 1:00:14
  they're they've surpassed the independent wrestling scene.
• 1:00:17
  They don't have to go do this anymore.
• 1:00:19
  Nana has worked a lot on the independent scene.
• 1:00:21
  He's put his miles in. He's put his, you know, from CZW
• 1:00:25
  to everywhere else. He doesn't need to be on the
• 1:00:28
  independent scene anymore. He's made it.
• 1:00:30
  It doesn't hurt my feelings if he doesn't come back and hang
• 1:00:32
  out. Same with Swerve, Like Swerve is
• 1:00:34
  the top of the game now. If we don't see him at an indie
• 1:00:36
  show in the next 10 years, that's fine with me.
• 1:00:39
  But sometimes you have some people who are on the
• 1:00:42
  independent scene who maybe don't want to be anymore because
• 1:00:45
  maybe they were really, I, I've worked a lot of people who were
• 1:00:47
  just recently released from WWE and like PPW is their first
• 1:00:51
  show. And there's been times where
• 1:00:55
  some of them are super happy that they're at meet and greets
• 1:00:58
  and they really get to interact with their fans because that
• 1:00:59
  that'll be, they're so behind the curtain that they don't get
• 1:01:02
  to meet the fans. And then there's some people who
• 1:01:05
  hated being back on the independent, like it was like a
• 1:01:09
  demotion for them and like they were the like the fans were a
• 1:01:13
  problem for them. Like, like they were nice to me,
• 1:01:16
  but you can tell like they're just like, man, I liked it so
• 1:01:18
  much better when I the only time I'd have to deal with these
• 1:01:20
  people is if I was being paid by the company to do a meet and
• 1:01:23
  greet or if I had to bump into them at a restaurant or a
• 1:01:26
  fucking at an airport where I can tell them to go fuck
• 1:01:29
  themselves. But like now I'm stuck here and
• 1:01:32
  I'm like, you know what I mean? Like, and I need this money
• 1:01:35
  because I'm not getting paid WB money anymore.
• 1:01:37
  Like I've, I've experienced that on both sides.
• 1:01:39
  I will say that Nana seemed genuinely happy to talk to
• 1:01:43
  everyone. Yeah, oh man, like so there was,
• 1:01:46
  there was. And he?
• 1:01:46
  Remembered a few people he met before, which I thought was
• 1:01:49
  cool. Like didn't I meet you a couple
• 1:01:50
  of months ago? Like he, which is that's crazy
• 1:01:53
  to me. So except what fish you're
• 1:01:55
  saying, and then you're going to say an experience that you've
• 1:01:58
  seen him with a fan. Oh, a couple of different fans
• 1:02:02
  that he like took the special extra time with that.
• 1:02:04
  I was like, that was just really dope.
• 1:02:08
  Maybe I don't want to say this in the sound mean or anything,
• 1:02:10
  but like if someone pays for the combo, I I are like two people
• 1:02:16
  paid for a combo a guy did because the guy wanted a photo
• 1:02:19
  with his with Nana and so did his girlfriend.
• 1:02:22
  And then I was and I was like I didn't at first.
• 1:02:25
  I usually do it, but Nana BB 2 or he's like both of you's get
• 1:02:28
  in the photo. So like technically that should
• 1:02:31
  be another $10 or to get another photo with him but it's at that
• 1:02:34
  point just like he recognizes all the this couple should to do
• 1:02:40
  it. But also another funny thing is
• 1:02:42
  another wrestler told me that I always tell 2 couples to
• 1:02:45
  separate in photos because there's so many times where
• 1:02:48
  couples. They'll.
• 1:02:50
  Break up and then you don't get your photo for your photo of
• 1:02:51
  your wrestler ever again or you hate looking at it because
• 1:02:53
  they're with somebody. I was like, that's fucking
• 1:02:55
  smart. Smart.
• 1:02:57
  I was talking to somebody who's been with their partner with for
• 1:03:00
  like 20 years, and they went to all the wrestling shows
• 1:03:02
  together. Now, every single photo of his
• 1:03:04
  favorite thing for 20 years, she's in every photo with him.
• 1:03:07
  I was like, ouchies. Yeah.
• 1:03:13
  So get the separate photos, the people out there when you meet
• 1:03:15
  your favorite people, because you never know.
• 1:03:18
  Yeah. Any other interactions that
• 1:03:20
  you've seen? I was, I was also helping do
• 1:03:26
  makeup for Gavin, so I had to dip out a little early.
• 1:03:28
  So the. Dance contest at the very end
• 1:03:30
  when the fans were getting in the ring of dance, the fan with
• 1:03:33
  in the wheelchair with cerebral palsy, him dancing with Nana.
• 1:03:36
  That's what I was saying, yeah. That like, he took special extra
• 1:03:40
  time with people with special needs and I thought that was
• 1:03:41
  really cool. Yeah.
• 1:03:42
  And even the kid with the puppet, like I, I took a photo
• 1:03:46
  and then he started cutting a promo and I go, oh, let me
• 1:03:48
  switch the video. Like he, he, that video that he
• 1:03:52
  caught with that kid, that kid didn't ask him for, hey, can you
• 1:03:55
  do a video with my puppet? I was like, oh, let's get a
• 1:03:58
  photo 'cause you know, we even worked with that kid, you know
• 1:04:00
  what I mean? Like so I was like, oh, here's
• 1:04:02
  the photo and he goes, it's Prince nada here.
• 1:04:04
  And I, I didn't get the intro of the video 'cause I'm like, oh
• 1:04:06
  shit, I quick did the video really fast, but he just
• 1:04:08
  forthcame and did like a drop for that kid.
• 1:04:10
  Like, you know what I mean? Like that's cool, that's super
• 1:04:13
  dope, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know, he was
• 1:04:15
  really, I liked him a lot. I liked him a lot.
• 1:04:18
  He was fun. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:04:21
  Any anything else wrestling shows you want to talk about?
• 1:04:23
  Can I talk about not wrestling shows?
• 1:04:25
  Sure. Other things we've done.
• 1:04:26
  So last week we went to Pilgru. Yeah.
• 1:04:31
  For Amber's beer collab party. Amber is one of our friends.
• 1:04:36
  Who does tattoos you're using? Your coaster as we speak, I.
• 1:04:41
  Am I? Am I got this.
• 1:04:42
  From there we got the little, a little Peach Panther QR code.
• 1:04:47
  Maybe you can, maybe you can pause this and and do it, I
• 1:04:50
  don't know. And then the backside has like a
• 1:04:53
  little pilgru with a little beer.
• 1:04:56
  But yeah, so we had it all a bit of fun that night.
• 1:05:00
  We had a bit of she had a Peach. What was it called?
• 1:05:04
  Peach Shandy. Peach creamsicle sand that's
• 1:05:06
  like Peach. Creamsicle so good so I've.
• 1:05:09
  Been talking about my talented friends for a pretty a pretty
• 1:05:12
  good bit with you and saying like, oh, I have really, really
• 1:05:15
  talented musician friends and that was the first time you
• 1:05:17
  really got to experience that. What, like where you get to see
• 1:05:23
  some of the people I've been telling you about for a long
• 1:05:24
  like? During her thing, I was like,
• 1:05:26
  we're talking about Amber. Amber doesn't do talking about.
• 1:05:28
  The event, yeah. I'm sorry, I've been smoking.
• 1:05:30
  What do you want for me? So.
• 1:05:32
  What do you think of the show? Oh, it was good.
• 1:05:35
  Yeah. I was like, really?
• 1:05:39
  OK, so because there was lots of drinking involved, I wasn't as
• 1:05:45
  involved with the 1st 2 bands. I came in for a few songs and
• 1:05:49
  then I would leave and then I would come in for a few songs
• 1:05:51
  and then I would leave and then I started feeling nice and
• 1:05:55
  fuzzy, Peach fuzzy. And then that was about the time
• 1:05:59
  that what were they? What were they going with?
• 1:06:02
  Rock the. School of Rock.
• 1:06:04
  Rock of Ages or something? Yeah.
• 1:06:06
  Something like that, I don't know, but that was you.
• 1:06:08
  Had to see you had to see Eddie full Eddie like on guitar and
• 1:06:12
  then you got to see obviously Brandon sing which which.
• 1:06:16
  I didn't actually even get to meet him, but it was still
• 1:06:19
  amazing. So he's the guy that went to
• 1:06:22
  Sirius and they were like, you know, the last time we had a
• 1:06:24
  voice like you in here was Chris, you know what I mean?
• 1:06:26
  And like, he's from our area and I'm very proud of him.
• 1:06:28
  Like he's so talented, but also Eddie like they they decided
• 1:06:34
  halfway through that they were going to do a a really
• 1:06:37
  interesting song on on as a three piece band and they did
• 1:06:41
  Coheed And Cambria welcome home and a song that I had never
• 1:06:46
  thought I needed to hear Brandon sing, but like it's made
• 1:06:49
  perfectly for him. I like.
• 1:06:50
  I was like on the verge of tears and.
• 1:06:52
  Then Eddie just being. Eddie on guitar.
• 1:06:57
  Jesus Christ, he's so good. He's so good.
• 1:06:59
  They're like. First of all, he did a double
• 1:07:02
  neck guitar song on a single neck guitar, Yeah.
• 1:07:04
  Well, I mean the double neck guitar it's.
• 1:07:07
  Just for the different range. I know.
• 1:07:08
  Yeah, he. Doesn't play both at the same
• 1:07:10
  time I. Know you only have so many hands
• 1:07:14
  and you. Loop 1 and you play the other.
• 1:07:19
  So when you're playing the one side of the guitar, you lay down
• 1:07:22
  the lead and then you loop it and then you switch to the other
• 1:07:25
  one and. Do the I thought you were trying
• 1:07:26
  to say like, I was like, no, you're still using both hands.
• 1:07:29
  Yeah, You're strumming. Yeah.
• 1:07:31
  But yeah, that's essentially the the premise, yeah.
• 1:07:34
  But anyway, so. Yeah, so.
• 1:07:36
  I I we entered for a tattoo raffle giveaway you.
• 1:07:44
  Did not we? You helped, yeah.
• 1:07:47
  I paid. You back for it, But you helped.
• 1:07:49
  Yeah. So Long story short, I ended up
• 1:07:54
  winning. Two days later, I had a phone
• 1:07:55
  call. What are?
• 1:07:56
  You getting do you know yet? So she has.
• 1:07:58
  I don't know if I want to share it.
• 1:08:01
  I don't know if I want. To share it, maybe you just got
• 1:08:02
  to stick around. I'm getting it May 17th.
• 1:08:05
  I already have a date, so maybe we'll leave that up to the
• 1:08:08
  Instagram. Check it out.
• 1:08:10
  But I will say it's Disney themed.
• 1:08:14
  But make it anti religion. A little dark, but yeah, spooky
• 1:08:21
  and I think I be. My first Disney tattoo, I think.
• 1:08:24
  Around the same time you're getting your tattoo is around
• 1:08:26
  the same time I'll probably be in my nose Pierce too, all
• 1:08:30
  right? OK.
• 1:08:31
  So I think, well, I don't, I don't think I could wait 8 weeks
• 1:08:35
  to do it again, but I definitely, I only owe three or
• 1:08:38
  four more payments on something else.
• 1:08:39
  So that's like next month. By the beginning of next month
• 1:08:42
  I'll pretty much be done. I I think I want to treat myself
• 1:08:45
  to my nose thing when I have extra cash, no.
• 1:08:47
  That's fair. I just maybe like the week
• 1:08:52
  before we'll do it like around my birthday because I still
• 1:08:55
  wanted to get that other artwork done as well.
• 1:08:59
  Yeah, if we're, if we're scheduling that together, I
• 1:09:03
  don't know if we're scheduling what?
• 1:09:05
  Because you're doing it with Courtney, right?
• 1:09:07
  Yeah. Courtney's doing another tattoo
• 1:09:09
  for me. My hand tattoo, which Oh,
• 1:09:12
  actually, yeah. So actually I ended up I'm
• 1:09:14
  getting 2 tattoos because I'm getting the Disney piece and
• 1:09:18
  then I'm also getting my finger tattoos.
• 1:09:21
  I don't know that was happening. I.
• 1:09:22
  Thought I, I thought I told you that yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:09:24
  So I'm getting both 2 for one because I am I'm what is
• 1:09:28
  Courtney for the other one too, but Courtney's doing a crochet
• 1:09:31
  hand tattoo for me. So I will explain that one
• 1:09:34
  because that's still hasn't quite been figured out what
• 1:09:37
  flowers we're using. I want to use Lily of the
• 1:09:39
  valley, but because of the the structure of the flower, I'm not
• 1:09:42
  sure it's going to work for what I want to do.
• 1:09:44
  But surprisingly, I don't have any yarn around me.
• 1:09:48
  I want to get the vine of like whatever flower I choose, but I
• 1:09:53
  want it to be like where my yarn sits on my finger, like where
• 1:09:58
  when I'm crocheting. So it kind of just has that loop
• 1:10:00
  going around and then around my wrist.
• 1:10:02
  I just think it'd be cute. Like I feel like the only people
• 1:10:05
  who would really understand what it is are other crocheters.
• 1:10:08
  But I think it's just kind of a cute little thing.
• 1:10:10
  And it would I, We haven't really talked about tattoos,
• 1:10:16
  ironically, but I have. I have a tattoo here that has my
• 1:10:20
  sister's name. And then my sister has cerebral
• 1:10:24
  palsy, the nickname that she used to call me because she
• 1:10:27
  couldn't enunciate pronounciate my name when she was younger.
• 1:10:31
  And then it says eternal love in Spanish.
• 1:10:33
  But the entire tattoo has like, blown out.
• 1:10:37
  So I think it's going to end up being a little bit of a cover
• 1:10:39
  up. And then I'm going to get
• 1:10:40
  something else for my sister later.
• 1:10:42
  Yeah. Right, so we'll, we'll go to
• 1:10:45
  something that we're going to try to do here in the podcast.
• 1:10:48
  I know we read the kink book. What do you want to move on?
• 1:10:51
  Oh, no, we're good. We don't have the kink book to
• 1:10:55
  to to read off a kink. But I think a fun thing that
• 1:10:58
  we're going to do, and I'm going to do it on across my other
• 1:11:00
  platforms, as well as these TikTok games that you see,
• 1:11:04
  there's games and there's these cards that you can do where you
• 1:11:07
  like, ask each other deep questions.
• 1:11:09
  And I think I'm going to try to buy a deck.
• 1:11:11
  I pay every day, just get a new deck or two and then we can play
• 1:11:14
  around with them on this podcast with each other and then maybe
• 1:11:17
  make other content where we play like a full version game where I
• 1:11:20
  play with other people and just like, hey, let's let's meet and
• 1:11:23
  do a TikTok board game or TikTok game.
• 1:11:25
  I mean, so this one's called substance.
• 1:11:29
  This is you pick a card level between and.
• 1:11:39
  It's like, what is it like personal intimate?
• 1:11:44
  So if they if your opponent doesn't answer the question,
• 1:11:46
  they do. A dare of your choosing is the
• 1:11:48
  way are. We doing like this as a game or
• 1:11:50
  are we doing? No, I'm just.
• 1:11:51
  Saying, I'm just saying the premise and there was another
• 1:11:53
  one in here too that says rules. And it says if the opposing
• 1:11:56
  player deems your answer to be too surface level, you have to
• 1:11:59
  do a dare of their choosing. So if you if you if you don't
• 1:12:02
  really dive in deeper or you just give a basic answer, then
• 1:12:05
  they then you would have to do a dare.
• 1:12:07
  Yeah, so. Are we doing that part or no?
• 1:12:09
  No. I'm not going to make you do
• 1:12:11
  dares on a podcast. That would be weird right?
• 1:12:14
  And tell the truth. No we got mind fuck vulnerable
• 1:12:18
  or intimacy. What's the other game that
• 1:12:24
  you've got? We'll do this one first.
• 1:12:27
  I already have. Are we doing?
• 1:12:28
  Both of them or no just one? The other one is, do we really
• 1:12:31
  know each other? Yeah, I thought this one has
• 1:12:34
  like there's the one. We were going to do this.
• 1:12:36
  One has a little more. Oh, sorry, this one's called.
• 1:12:38
  We're not really strangers. Yeah.
• 1:12:40
  That's the one that I had been this is you got it.
• 1:12:44
  That's all. Like I really wanted to see
• 1:12:45
  this. One, I don't know if we do on
• 1:12:47
  camera first because they're supposed to be writing and stuff
• 1:12:48
  first, so let's like figure that out and then come this one's
• 1:12:51
  just pick up a card and read it and answer it.
• 1:12:53
  You know what I mean? It's a little simpler this.
• 1:12:55
  One's the options again. Mindfuck vulnerable or intimacy
• 1:13:05
  vulnerable? Vulnerable.
• 1:13:09
  And then you ask me a vulnerable.
• 1:13:10
  I ask you one, then you. Or do we each answer the same
• 1:13:13
  one? We'll see what the question is
• 1:13:16
  first, because if I don't like the question for you, I'm going
• 1:13:18
  to pick. All right, the question is wait.
• 1:13:21
  Are you going to just ask the question?
• 1:13:22
  Yeah. Oh, there was two there.
• 1:13:28
  Well, how come you're picking between 2:00 then if you're just
• 1:13:31
  picking up the first one? I'll pick up the first one.
• 1:13:32
  I read the second one's a little, maybe a little too much.
• 1:13:35
  Well, that's. Why?
• 1:13:36
  I was saying I don't know if I want to.
• 1:13:37
  These ones are more like these are really.
• 1:13:38
  Yeah. Personal questions.
• 1:13:40
  What? Would you do differently if you
• 1:13:41
  could do it all over again? Where do I begin?
• 1:13:51
  See, I'm very much I I very much live with the everything happens
• 1:13:55
  for a reason agreed mentality. But see, like, this is what I
• 1:14:01
  mean, like I would say I would do the Air Force all over again.
• 1:14:04
  I wouldn't live in Pennsylvania. I sure as fuck wouldn't live in
• 1:14:07
  Pennsylvania. I would have, I would have liked
• 1:14:10
  to save my full time, but I mean, actually my kids wouldn't
• 1:14:16
  exist, like period. That's what I mean.
• 1:14:20
  Like I, I, I don't think I ever would do something that like,
• 1:14:23
  because I, you know what I mean, Like everything has a
• 1:14:25
  consequence. Everything has a consequence.
• 1:14:27
  So like, is there something that I wish I could do over again?
• 1:14:30
  And like was the question like do it differently or just do it
• 1:14:32
  again? Do differently.
• 1:14:34
  What would you do differently? Oh.
• 1:14:37
  God, all right, we're going to get really vulnerable here for a
• 1:14:39
  minute. Biggest regret of my life was,
• 1:14:45
  and I don't know if we could talk about this on you dude.
• 1:14:52
  What context? Family or?
• 1:14:57
  So I guess trigger warning, mental health unaliveness, I
• 1:15:05
  don't know what you would call that, but that basically that I
• 1:15:11
  I've dealt, you've also dealt with suicidal ideations that
• 1:15:15
  was. Actually, the other card, the
• 1:15:17
  other card was Have you ever felt suicidal?
• 1:15:19
  Oh well then here we go. We're there anyway.
• 1:15:21
  He got both cards for the price of one.
• 1:15:24
  One of my biggest regrets is that a situation that I put
• 1:15:29
  myself in, one of my biggest, biggest regrets is that I let
• 1:15:34
  someone take like my identity away from me.
• 1:15:39
  And I was so in love with this person and so obsessed with this
• 1:15:43
  person that knowing that they weren't good for me, but being,
• 1:15:47
  I don't know if it was, I'm not trying to like crutch this on to
• 1:15:50
  my BPD, but like I, I felt really, really close to that
• 1:15:54
  person and I felt like I was not going to be able to live without
• 1:15:56
  them. It's not me.
• 1:15:59
  No, obviously. Well, I mean, I still feel that
• 1:16:02
  way about you. Hold on, wait, pause.
• 1:16:04
  Do you love me? More than this person that made
• 1:16:06
  you crazy? Yeah.
• 1:16:07
  Absolutely. Do you really?
• 1:16:08
  There wasn't like a pause. There was like a hold on.
• 1:16:11
  I had to think about who I was talking about.
• 1:16:12
  But I think that the love that I had for him was everything that
• 1:16:16
  he could be, everything that he told me he would be.
• 1:16:18
  And then gaslighters suck. You know what I mean?
• 1:16:21
  Yeah, I'm. Like hey, I kind of suck.
• 1:16:22
  I'm a mental breakdown but like I'll try my best.
• 1:16:26
  You also understand more, I think on that front.
• 1:16:28
  But I guess that's what I'm getting at is I let this person
• 1:16:30
  get so ingrained in my brain that like we ended up breaking
• 1:16:35
  up because I told him that I felt suicidal.
• 1:16:39
  And he basically told me go ahead and do it.
• 1:16:42
  Like no one's going to fucking miss you.
• 1:16:46
  And when we broke up, his friends that I thought were my
• 1:16:51
  girlfriends like that, I thought we were cool.
• 1:16:52
  They basically all told me the same thing.
• 1:16:55
  One called me a walking suicide statistic that it was just a
• 1:16:58
  matter of time. The other one told me I was a
• 1:17:01
  couch hopper who was never going to get her life together.
• 1:17:03
  And then I attempted and another friend of mine at the time like
• 1:17:13
  kind of tackled me as things were happening.
• 1:17:15
  And so it didn't end up happening.
• 1:17:17
  But I because of all of that series of mess that I was in, I
• 1:17:24
  around the same time my grandfather took a stroke.
• 1:17:27
  And this was in 2019. And this was like a few days
• 1:17:33
  after the fact, like I had already moved out of the house.
• 1:17:37
  I'm just staying with a friend and whatever.
• 1:17:39
  And then I get like I'm trying to talk with my dad and my dad
• 1:17:41
  tells me like what's going on with my grandfather.
• 1:17:43
  And I'm like, OK, well I'm coming.
• 1:17:45
  And I made a really tough decision.
• 1:17:51
  And I don't think I initially told my ex-husband.
• 1:17:55
  Like I wasn't initially trying to stay down there for that long
• 1:17:59
  either though. Like I initially told him, I'm
• 1:18:01
  going to take this time. I'm going to go spend time with
• 1:18:03
  my family. I'm going to get shit figured
• 1:18:06
  out and then I'll be back. And I ended up in Texas for a
• 1:18:10
  year and a half. And because of XY and ZA, lot of
• 1:18:15
  things happened in between that time and I lost a lot of time
• 1:18:18
  with my kids. And with that loss of time, I
• 1:18:22
  put myself in the position to where they didn't.
• 1:18:27
  I felt that. You can't say I'm not getting
• 1:18:30
  fucking deep on this shit. So fuck you, do a.
• 1:18:33
  Dare. I felt that I wasn't deserving
• 1:18:37
  to come back for a long time too.
• 1:18:39
  Like COVID happened and the world fucking stopped, but like
• 1:18:45
  I didn't reach out to my kids at all during that time.
• 1:18:48
  Like I was so ashamed and I had already been gone for so long
• 1:18:53
  that I felt like with the things that were going on, like they
• 1:18:57
  were better off without me whether I was alive or not.
• 1:19:00
  Like they deserved a lot better than what I was able to give
• 1:19:03
  them. And it's an it's an unfortunate
• 1:19:06
  like circumstance. Don't get me wrong things got
• 1:19:10
  worse way before they got better, but I feel like that was
• 1:19:15
  the catalyst was like I wish if I could do things differently.
• 1:19:19
  I wish I would have just stayed here got away from everybody
• 1:19:23
  that I was talking to not just like because after I I moved out
• 1:19:27
  of his house. I immediately stupid me.
• 1:19:31
  My theory at that point in time was best way to get over a guy's
• 1:19:34
  to get under another one and I got fucking stupid attached to
• 1:19:38
  another huge not fuck out worst mistake of my life loser and
• 1:19:44
  took him down to Texas with me and shit got way fucking worse
• 1:19:49
  and I will not get into all of that.
• 1:19:51
  But before before it got better. We just got to a point now where
• 1:19:56
  August of last year I was invited to my kids birthday
• 1:19:59
  party and like. Things are just now starting to
• 1:20:02
  get back on track with that. But like, that's that's that's
• 1:20:05
  my biggest. What would I change?
• 1:20:07
  Yeah. Do you want?
• 1:20:08
  To pick one for me No, let me ask the same one yeah I, this is
• 1:20:16
  honestly this I, I I'm probably going to suck at this because I,
• 1:20:20
  I truly believe in that. I think everything happens for a
• 1:20:22
  reason and if I change something, I know it would
• 1:20:24
  change the course of everything else.
• 1:20:26
  But like, but I, I the thing I would probably change is are
• 1:20:31
  character flaws of myself. But I don't think that would
• 1:20:33
  fall into the same line as the question because it's not like
• 1:20:36
  changing a moment. I have a moment that sits with
• 1:20:40
  me heavily. 2 of them. One was a cry for help on social
• 1:20:46
  media that I didn't take seriously and he's no longer
• 1:20:50
  with us. He made a post on Facebook
• 1:20:55
  pretty much saying play this at my funeral and he put a song
• 1:20:59
  link to YouTube and I remember seeing it like I still have it
• 1:21:04
  in my head, like posted just now, like and and clicking on it
• 1:21:10
  and listening to the song like I love this fucking song.
• 1:21:12
  It's a good song. Like everyone will post
• 1:21:14
  something like that is like oh, play because it's like kind of
• 1:21:17
  morbid, you know what I mean? So I didn't think like.
• 1:21:21
  Yeah, you don't automatically change like and that's.
• 1:21:23
  Kind of where I was. And at the time we weren't
• 1:21:25
  really talking or hanging out because we took two different
• 1:21:27
  paths in life at that point. And so I didn't think it was
• 1:21:31
  like AI didn't think it was a cry for help.
• 1:21:33
  I thought it was just like, hey, I'm being kind of morbid, but
• 1:21:35
  this song means so much to me. I want to play it at my funeral.
• 1:21:38
  And that night they, they took their own life.
• 1:21:41
  That sucked. That's, that's something I wish
• 1:21:43
  I could now knowing what I know now I could fix.
• 1:21:46
  And then when my other friend came to my house and he said he
• 1:21:49
  was going to get clean and we were going to hang out and I was
• 1:21:52
  going to go go to work and go to day shift.
• 1:21:54
  And he left my house that night and got his last bag.
• 1:21:58
  And he's just no longer with us either.
• 1:22:00
  That one sucked too, because I didn't like he left my house
• 1:22:03
  that night. And then I wake up the next day
• 1:22:04
  and I'm driving to American Eagle and like some stupid
• 1:22:09
  reason I was about to leave Frackville.
• 1:22:11
  And I look at my phone real quick and the first three things
• 1:22:14
  in my timeline are RIPRIPRIP. And I'm like, no, and I fucking
• 1:22:20
  I was late for work that day. I swung like right at the gas
• 1:22:23
  station, right where that Dollar General is in a town where
• 1:22:25
  you're going in Da Chin and El Monte City.
• 1:22:27
  I swung it around. I went up the hill and I went
• 1:22:29
  right to his gram's house and I remember just sitting outside
• 1:22:33
  and every it was like home alone when people are walking in and
• 1:22:36
  out of the house, but no one like I felt like the cop Pesci
• 1:22:39
  like, but no one notices I'm there and then built his brother
• 1:22:43
  comes out and I'm like what? What fucking happened?
• 1:22:45
  He's like, he's gone. He goes, I went upstairs.
• 1:22:48
  He was blue. He was gone.
• 1:22:50
  I was like, fuck yeah, that that was rough.
• 1:22:54
  So there are two moments I wish now, knowing what I know now, I
• 1:22:57
  would save those two people. Can I?
• 1:22:58
  Ask you something I I don't mean.
• 1:23:01
  I don't want this to come off insensitive at all, but you
• 1:23:03
  couldn't save them I. Know, but I'm just saying
• 1:23:05
  they're 2. Even if you, even if you were
• 1:23:08
  there, you wouldn't have saved them.
• 1:23:09
  Yeah. I'm just saying so.
• 1:23:11
  I, I don't mean this in like a hey, fuck you for those moments,
• 1:23:14
  but I would rather I would rather not that I'm saying you
• 1:23:19
  need to answer this question again, but I was expecting you
• 1:23:22
  to answer with more of something that you've done that you would
• 1:23:24
  change how you did it, not something that you didn't do
• 1:23:27
  that you would have done something.
• 1:23:28
  Well, I. Guess that really goes to I'm
• 1:23:30
  not trying to like put myself over, but I guess that really
• 1:23:32
  goes to who am I as a person that I would I would take all
• 1:23:36
  the bad that ever happened to me in my life that like hurt me the
• 1:23:39
  most, but know that I know it took me to a better place, but
• 1:23:42
  the. Question is about you I.
• 1:23:44
  Know, but that's just my immediate thought is I would I
• 1:23:47
  would use that moment to help somebody else or let them still
• 1:23:50
  be here with their family. Like the only other thing I
• 1:23:55
  would change is if like I mean, and maybe I did like who knows,
• 1:24:00
  maybe I'm the villain in someone's story where I did
• 1:24:02
  something really bad to somebody and hurt them mentally or
• 1:24:05
  physically. I would take that back, but I
• 1:24:07
  don't, I don't to me, it was like a a blip with a somebody
• 1:24:12
  else. It could be a mountain, you know
• 1:24:13
  what I mean? And that, that I think like, no,
• 1:24:16
  that's. Fair, I guess.
• 1:24:17
  I guess I was expecting something more that like changed
• 1:24:20
  the trajectory of your life. I.
• 1:24:22
  Mean like my divorce changed a lot, but like it sucks like
• 1:24:26
  losing my best friend and that person and I still to this day,
• 1:24:30
  like I like not even on like a relationship standpoint, but
• 1:24:34
  like I wonder how they're doing as a person.
• 1:24:36
  You know what I mean? Yeah.
• 1:24:39
  I just. I feel like it brought me
• 1:24:41
  somewhere better, not better, but like, I I needed that
• 1:24:43
  lesson, you know? Fuck yeah.
• 1:24:50
  Yeah, that's all I got. That's only vulnerable.
• 1:24:54
  Yeah, that's why I I don't I it's not that I didn't want
• 1:24:56
  these questions, but I knew that all of these questions were
• 1:24:58
  really fucking deep because I've already gone through this deck
• 1:25:01
  and I didn't want to do this. I like.
• 1:25:03
  It I did. Not want to do I'm going.
• 1:25:05
  To pick mine fucked and then we'll end with intimacy.
• 1:25:08
  Oh, you're already ready to. OK, you ready?
• 1:25:10
  Short. No, fuck you, I'm going first.
• 1:25:13
  I'm picking this question. First one you get.
• 1:25:16
  No, you can't shuffle through and pick one out.
• 1:25:18
  I'm. Cutting the deck?
• 1:25:20
  Oh, OK. I thought you were going to
• 1:25:22
  cherry pick it. Oh.
• 1:25:24
  Cherry pick it. I do that for a living.
• 1:25:26
  OK, I'm a cherry picker all. Right, so as she shuffles.
• 1:25:31
  All right. Oh.
• 1:25:32
  I ended up with intimacy. I guess we're doing intimacy
• 1:25:35
  because all of these are mindfuck except for this one.
• 1:25:39
  What's one song that symbolizes you?
• 1:25:42
  Oh. That sound really fucked up, but
• 1:25:49
  it's, it's I, I know the lyrics to everybody else mean
• 1:25:54
  absolutely nothing, but when I hear this song, I, I feel like
• 1:25:57
  it was written for me and I feel like it was I, I see a whole
• 1:26:02
  movie every time I play and it's, and it's me.
• 1:26:04
  But Bohemian Rhapsody. The way I hear it is, is is
• 1:26:10
  Mama, I just killed a man, put a gun against his head, pull the
• 1:26:12
  trigger. Now he's dead.
• 1:26:13
  Life had just begun and now I go and throw it all away.
• 1:26:17
  My body's aching all the time. Like I so essentially that song
• 1:26:22
  is me killing myself. And then when I kill myself, you
• 1:26:25
  go to hell and it's yes. And.
• 1:26:31
  It's. Almost like, but this is the
• 1:26:33
  humor to it. To me, a little bit.
• 1:26:34
  I go to hell, but it's like a courtroom.
• 1:26:37
  And then when it's like Galileo, Galileo, please let him go.
• 1:26:40
  Then it's so it's it's it's the righteous people.
• 1:26:44
  I don't want to say heaven are the good side, pleading to the
• 1:26:48
  evil side that yes, he did something so horrible and so
• 1:26:50
  bad, but in general, he was a really good person.
• 1:26:54
  And it's them fighting for my salvation of where I should go.
• 1:26:59
  And at the very end it it doesn't really matter anyway.
• 1:27:03
  To you. Yeah.
• 1:27:04
  To you. Yeah, to you.
• 1:27:07
  So that's that's my song is Bohemian Rhapsody and I've
• 1:27:11
  thought that mentally about myself for as long as I can
• 1:27:15
  remember. I love that song.
• 1:27:21
  What about you? I.
• 1:27:24
  Hate questions like this give. Me, the intimacy card that we
• 1:27:27
  picked. Back-to-back suicide.
• 1:27:36
  Look at us. And let's go round 3 I died with
• 1:27:45
  you by hotel books. You hate it so much.
• 1:27:49
  But that song gets me like I think so I'll be honest if you
• 1:27:55
  guys go back and listen to that song.
• 1:27:58
  I think that that song hurts me so much because I, it's not that
• 1:28:02
  it symbolizes me, but it symbolized that relationship for
• 1:28:05
  me, that where I where I tried to kill myself, where that
• 1:28:09
  relationship ended. It was so hurtful and it was so
• 1:28:16
  it felt like the the the rug was swept from under my feet.
• 1:28:20
  But as it was happening, all I could do was blame myself for
• 1:28:23
  it. Like I could just sit there and
• 1:28:24
  be like, it wasn't his fault. Like I was the crazy one.
• 1:28:27
  Like like I was. I'm not saying that I'm not
• 1:28:30
  crazy because I'm crazy. You don't have to subscribe to
• 1:28:33
  that, Anthony. Thank you.
• 1:28:35
  But thank you, really thank you anyway.
• 1:28:40
  But I think that things were done to make me triggered, like
• 1:28:46
  he, he knew what would set me off and then he would set me off
• 1:28:50
  just so he could be like, look at you, you're fucking crazy,
• 1:28:52
  aren't you? You're fucking crazy and just
• 1:28:55
  like stupid shit like that. But that there's a, there's a
• 1:28:58
  specific you, you start looking for your mind foot question.
• 1:29:01
  There's a specific, oh, you have my phone, a specific lyric in
• 1:29:04
  there where it's like I, I captivated and recorded all the
• 1:29:10
  things that you said, but the things that you said were never
• 1:29:13
  what was good enough in my head. And like, it was like, it was
• 1:29:18
  just such a revelation the first time I heard that song of like,
• 1:29:21
  I, I, I looked at all of your flaws and I took every flaw for
• 1:29:26
  what it was, but you couldn't look at mine.
• 1:29:27
  You couldn't handle even an, an ounce of mine.
• 1:29:30
  Like, and I'm not saying those are the word for word lyrics,
• 1:29:32
  but like, that's kind of that's how the, the gist of it is.
• 1:29:35
  And it is very like, listen, if you're not in the Midwest, emo,
• 1:29:38
  screamo spoken poetry, it is very much all of those things.
• 1:29:42
  But I think that those words hit me so deep when I first heard
• 1:29:46
  it. That like I am that person that
• 1:29:48
  when I'm sad, I wanna listen to sad music.
• 1:29:50
  I wanna get the cry out when I'm.
• 1:29:53
  Happy I listen to sad. Honestly, you've heard me play
• 1:29:57
  the guitar. All my guitar songs are sad
• 1:29:59
  songs I play. It's either ballad I turn
• 1:30:03
  everything into a ballad I. Listen to sad songs and I'm
• 1:30:06
  happy to remind myself thank God I'm not better.
• 1:30:09
  Than where they were. But also when I'm sad and I'm
• 1:30:12
  like like that's my go to song of like if I just feel like I
• 1:30:16
  have been acting crazy or if I've been manic for like a week
• 1:30:18
  or two and I just need to get the crazy out of me so to speak.
• 1:30:22
  Like, I know that's not really a thing, but when I feel like I
• 1:30:25
  just need a good cry and just like get all of that pent up
• 1:30:28
  energy out, I'll listen. I'll sit in the bathtub, give
• 1:30:31
  myself a little self-care. And it's funny because like,
• 1:30:33
  I'll be sitting there with like, you know, sugar scrub and
• 1:30:36
  whatever, my hair up in a hair mask and I'm just bawling my
• 1:30:38
  eyes out listening to this song. And it's not so much because I
• 1:30:42
  still have those feelings, but because like, exactly what you
• 1:30:44
  said, like I was, I was there. You just need to let yourself
• 1:30:49
  stop being that toxic masculine bullshit.
• 1:30:52
  It's not even toxic masculine, it's just so it's so many layers
• 1:30:55
  I built up to not do it when. You first every time that you
• 1:30:59
  get that first tear, your brain instantly goes Nope, stop it.
• 1:31:04
  And I think that you need to just fucking let it go.
• 1:31:07
  Just let it just be like, Nope, get I'm I'm next time I see you
• 1:31:11
  tear up, I'm going to punch you in the balls and then you'll be
• 1:31:13
  mad, but you'll be crying ho and then you'll start crying for all
• 1:31:17
  different reasons. Yeah, I don't know.
• 1:31:19
  I. Want you to get it up my.
• 1:31:20
  Release used to be play basketball, like be physical,
• 1:31:24
  like physics, some type of physical exertion.
• 1:31:26
  But I can't do that either. Like podcasting kind of does it
• 1:31:29
  for me, but it's just it does what it does.
• 1:31:31
  It's walking. But I don't, not that I don't, I
• 1:31:35
  don't like your town, not that I don't like your town.
• 1:31:37
  I don't really know the people in town or anything like that.
• 1:31:40
  But like, I don't know, like there's nothing here.
• 1:31:43
  There's nothing here and that's really what it is.
• 1:31:45
  Like I've even when I, when I lived in McAdoo, like I didn't
• 1:31:49
  really walk around the house or anything like that or like
• 1:31:51
  around town. But like when I moved up towards
• 1:31:54
  Wilkes Barre, it was like, oh, we can walk.
• 1:31:55
  There's a Duncan that's like 3 blocks that way.
• 1:31:58
  There's like there's this, whatever.
• 1:31:59
  And I would just even like, even if I was just stressed out or
• 1:32:02
  whatever, I would just go for walks all the time all.
• 1:32:04
  Right. Well, I'm going to take one
• 1:32:06
  quick break and we're going to stop recording and then come
• 1:32:08
  back. OK?
• 1:32:09
  All right, we'll be right back. We're back.
• 1:32:13
  We're back. Wait a quick, quick.
• 1:32:14
  Take a quick break real fast. Plus your battery is 30% because
• 1:32:19
  we didn't charge this yesterday, so we'll probably end very, very
• 1:32:23
  soon here. What's the last mindfuck card
• 1:32:26
  you? Picked 1 already, no.
• 1:32:34
  No, Tell me a moment you truly felt alive.
• 1:32:39
  No, no, you first. I don't know if I felt alive.
• 1:32:50
  I don't know the that's. Why I don't?
• 1:32:52
  Like, like I felt alive, but I, I felt.
• 1:32:55
  Does that count scene they felt like or validated?
• 1:32:59
  I don't know what what is what is?
• 1:33:01
  What is feeling alive mean? So the way I'm going to answer
• 1:33:05
  it is either one. If any of those moments for you
• 1:33:08
  are what you make you feel that way, then go for it.
• 1:33:10
  But for me it was it was landing in London, going to London like
• 1:33:16
  that whole week of London was insanely good for me.
• 1:33:22
  Like and I feel like I still don't think like Raz probably
• 1:33:27
  even like would even understand or the people I was with
• 1:33:29
  understand how good it was for me.
• 1:33:32
  But like, because even then I was like very still shut off and
• 1:33:35
  I didn't like a. Few minutes or a few?
• 1:33:37
  Only a few months post divorce, yeah.
• 1:33:39
  I was still very shut off. I didn't really like let myself
• 1:33:43
  go like I did the night of a little bit, the night of the
• 1:33:47
  karaoke and the emo. Like when I got on stage, I like
• 1:33:49
  just didn't fucking care because I was in London.
• 1:33:51
  Like I'll never see these people looking.
• 1:33:52
  I'm going to sing my heart out. But like being in another
• 1:33:56
  country and not being within 50 to 100 miles from anyone you
• 1:34:02
  know and you are a speck of sand on a like, it was like it.
• 1:34:07
  It made me zoom out more made. You realize and.
• 1:34:11
  Realize how fucking big the world are and how many people
• 1:34:16
  exist on it and how everyone has, is going through shit and,
• 1:34:20
  and it doesn't matter if you're in fucking America or here or
• 1:34:24
  there, like everyone has just a fucking bucket full of problems.
• 1:34:28
  And when I was there, I was just like, and it doesn't fucking
• 1:34:31
  matter. Like it doesn't matter.
• 1:34:33
  Like who fucking cares? Like, and I, I, I came home and
• 1:34:37
  eventually went back to that. But like I reflect a lot on that
• 1:34:40
  London trip, like just walking through the streets, like, and
• 1:34:43
  just like Razz is super dope too, because he's also someone
• 1:34:46
  who like, I hope I didn't like weird him out with it.
• 1:34:48
  But there's a lot of times where I just didn't talk and we can
• 1:34:51
  just sit in fucking silence and walk in silence and not have to
• 1:34:54
  feel like I have to entertain somebody or they have to
• 1:34:57
  entertain me like we are. We could sit in a bar and just
• 1:35:00
  drink and fucking stare at the wall and just take it in.
• 1:35:03
  It'll be fine. And then getting into Wembley
• 1:35:07
  Stadium and then walk, like looking at Wembley and then
• 1:35:10
  walking down onto the field like I was just like, this is crazy.
• 1:35:14
  Like I'm not home. Like this is like London was
• 1:35:17
  special to me. And then to like revalidate how
• 1:35:21
  special it was was like hanging out with Jackie in London.
• 1:35:26
  Like that was crazy for me. Well, Jack love James.
• 1:35:31
  I'm not, I'm not putting James down, but like Jackie's a little
• 1:35:35
  different only because Jackie was like the first girl I had in
• 1:35:41
  my life. That was like my girl like like
• 1:35:44
  that was like because we were such good friends and then we
• 1:35:47
  became boyfriend girlfriend, even though we were like in high
• 1:35:50
  school, which is so fucking dumb.
• 1:35:52
  Like you're not like if you have a high school girlfriend.
• 1:35:54
  Like that was just a moment. Like that's not the same as
• 1:35:57
  being like an adult relationship, but we were it was
• 1:36:01
  it was like the first person I cared more about myself than
• 1:36:04
  like a you know what I mean? Like, but that always stayed
• 1:36:07
  there for us even though like she has an amazing husband and a
• 1:36:10
  beautiful daughter. Like we still very much love
• 1:36:12
  each other. Like, but on a family friend
• 1:36:14
  level, you know what I mean? So that was.
• 1:36:16
  Like someone who was a huge part of my here and now was a huge
• 1:36:22
  part of my divorce of like being there for me because like I left
• 1:36:26
  Jackie for Heidi and still remain friends with Jackie.
• 1:36:32
  And even had like a moment where like a week where I ended things
• 1:36:36
  with Heidi and almost went back to Jackie and I was just and we
• 1:36:40
  both kind of like me and Jack kind of were like, no, this is
• 1:36:43
  not for us, you know what I mean?
• 1:36:46
  We're better off as friends, you know what I mean?
• 1:36:48
  But then like did that whole deal and then to be there and be
• 1:36:52
  like yo, like this is crazy and like she's there by herself and
• 1:36:55
  I'm with myself. And it was just like fucking
• 1:36:57
  friends and it like from another part of the world plucked out
• 1:37:01
  and then dropped at the same place same time together again.
• 1:37:05
  Like it was just wild. It was just like a it was just a
• 1:37:07
  surreal moment. Like you stay happened to be
• 1:37:09
  looking for houses in London for a week, the same week that a
• 1:37:14
  strand stranger bought me a fucking ticket to a wrestling
• 1:37:17
  show. And I and then even then, like I
• 1:37:21
  we get there and we go to fucking fucking finally hang out
• 1:37:24
  and do things and we have great breakfast and she bought me a
• 1:37:26
  haircut because I was so fucking poor.
• 1:37:28
  Like then fucking I was like, hey, I got to leave you.
• 1:37:31
  Like we finally get to where we're supposed to get because
• 1:37:34
  the fucking the cab situation was a nightmare.
• 1:37:36
  Like my card wasn't working. And then we finally get there
• 1:37:39
  and I'm like, I have to ditch you because pro wrestling.
• 1:37:42
  And then a part of my head was like, This is why your fucking
• 1:37:45
  life wife left you, you fucking idiot.
• 1:37:46
  You know what I mean? Like she like, why are you and
• 1:37:49
  you and Jackie are here for the first time ever to fucking have
• 1:37:51
  a moment. And like the but the wrestling
• 1:37:54
  show that you got comp tickets to in another country, you're on
• 1:37:59
  the VIP list. And I like kind of said that to
• 1:38:01
  her. I was like, I really want to
• 1:38:03
  spend the day with you and hang out.
• 1:38:04
  This is fucking fun. Like, but like, This is why I'm
• 1:38:09
  here and there and she was like 100% go, but I still feel like a
• 1:38:14
  fucking Dick. And I didn't stay for the second
• 1:38:16
  show because of it. You know what I mean?
• 1:38:18
  Like, so that was cool. Like not that aspect, but like
• 1:38:22
  having that moment and then just seeing James and then going
• 1:38:25
  eating at a Philly fucking sports bar in London.
• 1:38:28
  Like, I don't know, it was just like a lot of home and a lot of
• 1:38:31
  like finding a new place. It was cool.
• 1:38:36
  So that's my that's my moment. What did you feel?
• 1:38:40
  I don't know. If I've had that moment yet,
• 1:38:42
  really, I was laughing. Not like laughing, but while
• 1:38:47
  you're saying it, you're like this, That was the best week
• 1:38:50
  ever. And I was like, that was the
• 1:38:51
  worst week ever. It wasn't the worst week ever,
• 1:38:53
  but like back home, I was having a shit fucking time.
• 1:38:56
  I lost my job. I had a friend that I thought
• 1:39:00
  was a friend that tried to take it to another level.
• 1:39:02
  And you were in another country, my stray.
• 1:39:06
  Cat, a friend that I put yours together as friends.
• 1:39:09
  A stray cat that I let into my house decided to have kittens
• 1:39:13
  underneath my freaking side table in the middle of the
• 1:39:16
  night. That's not the cat where's boom.
• 1:39:19
  I'm just. Petting them that's.
• 1:39:20
  Where boom came from case y'all were wondering, but good things
• 1:39:23
  came for that too, like lots of I think a lot of that kind of
• 1:39:30
  changed the trajectory of my life too.
• 1:39:32
  Not like you going to London, but like there's been a lot.
• 1:39:35
  I've had a lot of moments that have been different for me that
• 1:39:39
  like it's like, OK, hey, trying to switch time to switch up
• 1:39:41
  again, time to start over again, time to start over again, time
• 1:39:44
  to start over again. But I can't think of a time
• 1:39:46
  where like I'm not saying that I haven't been haven't had moments
• 1:39:49
  that were like fantastic for me, but like I started giggling
• 1:39:55
  because the things that you were talking about like realizing.
• 1:40:00
  How small you are on the earth, like how how small your problems
• 1:40:03
  are compared to everybody else's.
• 1:40:05
  I've felt that twice in my life. Both times I was hospitalized.
• 1:40:11
  Both times I was in a mental institution.
• 1:40:13
  I was sitting around. Like the first time I was 18, I
• 1:40:17
  was in the Air Force and I got tricked into going that was that
• 1:40:24
  was some BS. Actually, I'm still mad at you,
• 1:40:27
  but I still love you, girl. Anyway, I was told that like I,
• 1:40:30
  that was a different suicide attempt, but my one of the, one
• 1:40:36
  of the supervisors, staff staff sergeants was like, you're going
• 1:40:39
  to come stay with me tonight. And I was like, all right, She's
• 1:40:42
  like pack of a bag. Like I'm going to bring you back
• 1:40:45
  and forth to work. Like get, get your, get your
• 1:40:48
  gear, get everything that you need for work and your, your
• 1:40:50
  uniforms, whatever. And I'm like, OK, bitch drops me
• 1:40:54
  off of the fucking hospital hoe anyway.
• 1:40:59
  But I didn't take it seriously. Like when I first went in there,
• 1:41:02
  I was like, I want to kill myself.
• 1:41:04
  And I'm, I'm in the Air Force, I'm with a bunch of people that
• 1:41:08
  I don't fucking know. And nobody gives a fuck about
• 1:41:11
  me. Nobody gives a shit.
• 1:41:12
  As long as you show up to PT, show up to work, nobody says
• 1:41:17
  anything to you otherwise. And it was like I was the 18
• 1:41:20
  year old girl surrounded by a bunch of dudes and like dudes
• 1:41:24
  didn't take the 18 year old girl seriously.
• 1:41:27
  They're freaking. Anyway, regardless, when I by
• 1:41:30
  the time I got to the mental hospital, I was like, I just
• 1:41:33
  don't care. Like I don't have anybody in my
• 1:41:35
  life that I care about. And ironically, the only person
• 1:41:39
  that called me while I was in the hospital was my ex-husband.
• 1:41:43
  We weren't even dating at the time, but he, he came and he
• 1:41:46
  visited, he brought me cigarettes, the whole whatever.
• 1:41:49
  But being in there the first time, I didn't give a crap about
• 1:41:53
  anything that was going on. I was pissed off because I, I
• 1:41:55
  got tricked into being there. I ended up being there for
• 1:41:57
  almost 3 weeks before I got sent then to an outpatient like
• 1:42:02
  situation. But being in there, I was like,
• 1:42:07
  like when I first went in, I was just like, everything's fucking
• 1:42:09
  horrible. I'm going to get out of here.
• 1:42:12
  I'm losing my career with the Air Force.
• 1:42:14
  Like I already knew that was happening before they even told
• 1:42:16
  me that the separation was going to happen.
• 1:42:20
  I knew I was going to have a family to go back to cause I've
• 1:42:22
  already been the black sheep. But I left to be like, Hey, fuck
• 1:42:26
  you guys, I don't need you. And now I don't know what I'm
• 1:42:29
  going to do next in my life. But everybody that was in there
• 1:42:32
  was so kind to me. And you know, I will say this.
• 1:42:34
  I, I, I can't think of one time that I really felt it.
• 1:42:38
  The man, there was a man that was in with me and he had just
• 1:42:42
  tried to kill himself and he had a a wife that was pregnant and
• 1:42:47
  he was the most Christian. He didn't curse nothing like he
• 1:42:52
  was, he was the definition of Christian like of just being a
• 1:42:56
  good person. And I just kept thinking like
• 1:43:00
  how like you are. You are like the nicest,
• 1:43:03
  sweetest person. You have not an ounce of
• 1:43:05
  negativity to you. Like how are you in here?
• 1:43:08
  How did things get that bad for you?
• 1:43:11
  And then he went into talking about how this family member
• 1:43:14
  died and this family member died and this family member died and
• 1:43:16
  he was losing everybody. And it like it, it touched me
• 1:43:20
  because it was like at that time, and still to this day for
• 1:43:23
  that matter, I don't have a good relationship with my family.
• 1:43:26
  But it was very much like, yo, none of that actually fucking
• 1:43:29
  matters. Like at the end of the day, if
• 1:43:31
  you still have somebody in your life, reach out and like try to
• 1:43:35
  fix that, you know what I mean? And I was trying to fix things
• 1:43:40
  with my mom until the day that I had to get go to outpatient.
• 1:43:45
  I will out my mom live on this currently because this is the
• 1:43:49
  reason we don't talk. I got diagnosed with BPD while I
• 1:43:52
  was there. The therapist, I had to have
• 1:43:55
  someone from my family to have the conference with us and the
• 1:43:58
  the doctors that were there before I can get like my exit,
• 1:44:03
  whatever the fuck it's called. And they tell her that I've been
• 1:44:08
  diagnosed with BPD and she's like, that's attention.
• 1:44:11
  I've my mom is a narcissist, like textbook narcissist.
• 1:44:16
  But she was like, like telling the doctors that the doctors
• 1:44:19
  were wrong. They're like, she's got you
• 1:44:20
  full. She just wants you to she's just
• 1:44:22
  here to get what she wants and she's manipulating you guys and
• 1:44:26
  she got out of work for a month. Yeah, that's exactly what you
• 1:44:28
  like. It was just wild.
• 1:44:30
  But about two weeks after, not even 2 weeks, maybe three weeks
• 1:44:35
  after I got out of the outpatient program, I had to be
• 1:44:40
  there for two weeks that I would come in spend the day with a
• 1:44:43
  therapist, tell them how my meds are going blah blah blah and
• 1:44:46
  then go home. And maybe like 3 weeks after
• 1:44:49
  that myself and James were now dating my ex-husband we're now
• 1:44:54
  dating and we got into a car accident.
• 1:44:57
  I was T boned. I was one driving.
• 1:44:59
  I like went through a median to get we were trying to go to
• 1:45:02
  McDonald's and the way that the the road had like the
• 1:45:06
  centerpiece in between it and there was somebody that was
• 1:45:08
  trying to turn the same like U-turn spot.
• 1:45:11
  So I didn't see the 2nd lane of someone coming and I went to go
• 1:45:14
  through and the truck came from behind this this way and T boned
• 1:45:18
  us. The car was still running.
• 1:45:21
  The car that we had was a piece of junk, but it was what it was.
• 1:45:24
  The keys went flying out of the ignition, but the car was still
• 1:45:26
  running. So I can't feel my feet at all
• 1:45:30
  like I'm freaking out. James wasn't wearing his seat
• 1:45:33
  belt, so he's and he had like the the seat leaned back and he
• 1:45:37
  slammed off of the side of the car.
• 1:45:39
  So his whole face was all messed up.
• 1:45:41
  And I like like, I don't know if flash bang is the word you would
• 1:45:46
  use, but like I was just sitting there and like trying to get
• 1:45:48
  trying to feel my legs. I'm like, I can't see anything.
• 1:45:51
  But I could still hear the car moving and somebody opens the
• 1:45:53
  door and they're putting the butt end of their knife into my
• 1:45:58
  foot. And I look down and it's the guy
• 1:46:01
  that I was in the hospital with. And I was like, no fucking way.
• 1:46:05
  Like he was an EMT. I didn't know that.
• 1:46:07
  But it was like, this is kind of like, OK, you need to be here.
• 1:46:12
  And I don't know. It was you.
• 1:46:15
  I don't he never, he didn't say anything.
• 1:46:17
  But I like looked, I remember looking at him and being like,
• 1:46:19
  oh, my gosh. And he was like, hey, you're OK.
• 1:46:22
  You're OK and cuz as soon as he started putting the knife into
• 1:46:26
  my foot, then I started feeling it again and I was like jolting
• 1:46:28
  or whatever and he's like, you're good, you're good.
• 1:46:30
  And then he went to go check on James and then somebody else
• 1:46:32
  came on my side and I didn't see him anymore like after that.
• 1:46:35
  But it was just it was wild. But the second time I felt that
• 1:46:40
  during COVID, I after the last suicide attempt, I decided to
• 1:46:46
  check myself in. At the time I was dating someone
• 1:46:48
  who was on the road an on the road truck driver.
• 1:46:50
  So he would leave Sunday night and not come back until Friday.
• 1:46:53
  And I'm thinking, OK, I'll be there for 72 hours, get all this
• 1:46:56
  done before he gets home, whatever.
• 1:46:59
  And I checked myself in, his sister told him.
• 1:47:04
  So he came home and did his whole bullshit, whatever.
• 1:47:07
  But while I was there the second time, I was like, OK, I want to
• 1:47:10
  be here. I want to get this help.
• 1:47:13
  This was 10 years after my first day.
• 1:47:15
  And I was like, I need to do this for all the right reasons.
• 1:47:17
  Like I want to get better. I want to get back to my kids.
• 1:47:20
  I want to be a better mom for them.
• 1:47:21
  I need to realize like I really need to focus on how to not feel
• 1:47:25
  like killing myself every fucking day.
• 1:47:28
  Mind you, this was about a year after I moved down to Texas.
• 1:47:32
  And while I was there, I'm just like COVID hap, like the, the
• 1:47:37
  height of COVID happened where they were, they were talking
• 1:47:39
  about like shutting down the hospital and we were all going
• 1:47:41
  to be stuck there and everybody's like freaking out.
• 1:47:43
  But there were people who came in and this one woman came in
• 1:47:48
  and she, she all she said was, I just want my meds adjusted.
• 1:47:52
  And she wouldn't talk to anybody for the first two days she was
• 1:47:55
  there and they were like, you're we're keeping you over the 72
• 1:47:58
  hours. And she's like, all I wanted was
• 1:48:00
  my meds adjusted and she came in the one day like, like they
• 1:48:04
  forced you to come out for group therapy.
• 1:48:05
  You can't stay in your bedroom. Like there's specific times when
• 1:48:07
  you can go in your room and things like that.
• 1:48:10
  But they would like, pull her out and be like, OK, you're
• 1:48:12
  going to sit here with everyone. You can't have your blanket.
• 1:48:14
  Like, you need to be focused, like, whatever.
• 1:48:17
  And she just lost it. She went into full hysteria
• 1:48:22
  where she was crying, she was throwing things, she was angry.
• 1:48:25
  And then I was watching her and like, it's really hard for me to
• 1:48:31
  put it into words, but I felt like I saw myself and her in
• 1:48:37
  that moment. Like I've had moments like I've
• 1:48:40
  had a moment with you, which I'm not proud of where I was.
• 1:48:43
  I was shaking, I was physically shaking and I took your, your
• 1:48:46
  laptop. I was upset, but it was like
• 1:48:49
  watching that and just watching that, like I could feel her
• 1:48:53
  pain, even though I had no idea what she was upset about.
• 1:48:56
  And I that, I guess that's where I was getting at was that not so
• 1:49:00
  much that I felt alive, but in that moment, it was like I knew
• 1:49:03
  what that feeling was. And I felt like, OK, you're not
• 1:49:06
  completely insane. Like this is a real fucking
• 1:49:09
  thing. But I felt another part to that
• 1:49:13
  story, I guess, was I was still very, very much drinking.
• 1:49:17
  I was drinking a lot like the night before I I checked myself
• 1:49:22
  in, I drank a few bottles of wine and I had full plans on
• 1:49:25
  just walking out into traffic. So I was also put into the
• 1:49:29
  codependency unit at this on my second stay and like realizing a
• 1:49:37
  lot of one of I'll go ahead and talk about my finger tattoos
• 1:49:41
  now. But the doctor, the one
• 1:49:43
  therapist that was in the codependency unit, he put us
• 1:49:48
  into a room and we were going to do karaoke for our like our
• 1:49:52
  recreation time or whatever it was in a brightly lit, white as
• 1:49:57
  hell, white tile, white walls, everything room.
• 1:50:01
  And I've been doing karaoke for freaking ever, but I can only do
• 1:50:05
  karaoke drunk. And they're like, Lily, you've
• 1:50:08
  been talking about karaoke left and right.
• 1:50:11
  You, you say you go down to Whiskey River on Wednesdays,
• 1:50:13
  Thursdays and Fridays for karaoke.
• 1:50:15
  You're going first and I'm like, I'm going first.
• 1:50:18
  But like, it was terrifying to me.
• 1:50:21
  It was just but like, it sounds crazy, no?
• 1:50:25
  I'm just saying like I had been like, all right, here's my song.
• 1:50:27
  1 bourbon, one shot and one ver. Do you know?
• 1:50:30
  What song I did, I did. Mama's Broken Heart by.
• 1:50:33
  Not Kerry, is it? Yeah.
• 1:50:35
  Miranda Lambert. Miranda Lambert.
• 1:50:38
  I just like me like Tony. He's like you did karaoke.
• 1:50:41
  I don't know if you have my song.
• 1:50:43
  So. My song's literally touché.
• 1:50:47
  But my my song's literally about a girl going crazy and being
• 1:50:50
  like, I'm not going to do it in a pretty way.
• 1:50:52
  I'm going to do it. The however the felt like
• 1:50:54
  unhinged as like you picked. Your audience.
• 1:50:56
  You sang to your audience. Oh my God, they were.
• 1:50:58
  They were hooting and hollering this great old time.
• 1:51:01
  Yeah. Oh.
• 1:51:02
  Man, Dolly Parton in fantasy, your titties are.
• 1:51:06
  Fantasy, Yeah, they never run the.
• 1:51:08
  Psych ward. Like, yeah.
• 1:51:10
  We're keeping there was a guy who did under the bridge and I
• 1:51:12
  was like. Did everyone pick this?
• 1:51:14
  Is the song that you chose did everyone?
• 1:51:16
  Pick the Presley songs. Oh.
• 1:51:18
  Yeah, oh man. One on Beatles in suicide
• 1:51:21
  karaoke night. Did everyone pick anyone I'm.
• 1:51:23
  Going to go ahead and say RIP, I'm not going to say his name,
• 1:51:27
  but this dude did a Johnny Cash song and it was the most
• 1:51:30
  beautiful fucking thing I ever heard.
• 1:51:32
  And he had psoriasis, which was got really bad every time he
• 1:51:37
  drank, right? So he was like, he was a really,
• 1:51:40
  really bad alcoholic and I picked him up a few times.
• 1:51:44
  He asked me to take him to a a after we got out.
• 1:51:47
  And I was like, yeah, you know, whatever you need.
• 1:51:48
  Like he was, he was such a sweet, kind heart, kind hearted
• 1:51:51
  man. And a few weeks after that, they
• 1:51:54
  found him dead in a in a lake of water where he he got the cans
• 1:52:00
  all laid out, everything. But he fell asleep with his head
• 1:52:02
  in the water. Yikes.
• 1:52:05
  Yeah. Hope you loved the episode.
• 1:52:09
  Yeah, lots of good shit to talk. Superheroes and suicide so. 420
• 1:52:15
  traditions, huh? I don't have any.
• 1:52:17
  Sad I never. Had a 420 tradition.
• 1:52:20
  I only ever had one because my bestie's a a pothead as hell,
• 1:52:24
  but the girl who got me into smoking mostly me and her would
• 1:52:29
  on 4/20. Mind you at the time we had a
• 1:52:32
  little more laid back jobs where we could pick our pick and
• 1:52:35
  choose our hours. So we would never go to work on
• 1:52:37
  4/20 and we would just smoke all day.
• 1:52:41
  It's 4. 20 Sunday. Yeah, so I was saying I got to
• 1:52:46
  go to the disco by Wednesday because we got well, or we could
• 1:52:51
  just go Thursday. Here's my.
• 1:52:53
  Recommendation but at. Any rate, so I we would smoke
• 1:52:55
  every hour we'd order two giant ass pizzas.
• 1:52:58
  So there's a place that had they were called Trojan Pies because
• 1:53:00
  it's Mani coke Trojans. That was like their mascot.
• 1:53:03
  But these pizzas were like this big.
• 1:53:05
  They're 12 fucking dollars huge. We would each get a pizza.
• 1:53:08
  Both of us are lactose intolerant.
• 1:53:10
  We each get a pizza and we would sit all day and just binge watch
• 1:53:13
  Friends and just get stupid high and we don't have to watch
• 1:53:18
  Friends, but I kind of want to do that.
• 1:53:20
  We could just do it with WrestleMania.
• 1:53:21
  Yeah, it's fun. Well, let's.
• 1:53:22
  Watch a movie before WrestleMania, OK, And then
• 1:53:25
  that'll be our movie we watch every year or two.
• 1:53:30
  OK. You pick a, you pick a movie.
• 1:53:33
  I'll pick a movie. OK, but it can't be how high?
• 1:53:35
  Like it can't be something that's like super obvious.
• 1:53:38
  Mines would be 1 like my. Christopher Columbus Day go to
• 1:53:42
  is Harry Potter because it was directed by Chris Columbus.
• 1:53:45
  So I would pick either half baked OK Art, Cheech and Chong
• 1:53:52
  up in smoke Cheech. And Chong I'm I'm with.
• 1:53:55
  I love Cheech and Chong. License registration.
• 1:53:59
  It's on the bunker. What's his name?
• 1:54:03
  His name is Ralph. That's a whole nother story for
• 1:54:10
  the other day. Yeah, it's a little small.
• 1:54:12
  Go watch Cheech and Chong. Yeah, and then watch up the
• 1:54:15
  Mania. Maybe I'll crochet a little
• 1:54:17
  weedy something. Speaking of crochet.
• 1:54:20
  Cha, look at, look at. We got a coochie kopi.
• 1:54:28
  And if Lily ever finishes her prep for the vampire episode,
• 1:54:31
  she finished Nasratu. Do you want to look up his
• 1:54:35
  skirt? He's.
• 1:54:36
  He's got legs. He doesn't have big vampire Dong
• 1:54:40
  like the movie. His ears should be pointed up
• 1:54:43
  though, shouldn't they? No.
• 1:54:45
  What are you doing? I thought he had pointy ears.
• 1:54:49
  This. Is this is Nosferatu or?
• 1:54:51
  Maybe they go back like that. Sure.
• 1:54:55
  I literally did it exactly like the pattern.
• 1:54:58
  It looks just like it looks like in the book they are upward.
• 1:55:04
  Yeah, but he's just supposed to be a vampire in general.
• 1:55:08
  I. Just when they were floppy down.
• 1:55:10
  He looked more Dobby ish than Nosferatu ish.
• 1:55:13
  That's kind of. What I was thinking when I was
• 1:55:15
  looking at it though, when I was re tie them on, Maybe I'll re
• 1:55:18
  tie them on. Oh, they're fine.
• 1:55:20
  They're fine. But all right, I think the
• 1:55:23
  anything else you want to close out with or talk about before we
• 1:55:25
  get out of here? We got WrestleMania trivia, we
• 1:55:29
  got WrestleMania, we got WrestleMania so.
• 1:55:32
  Also, I'm just saying I think it's it might be Sunday and if
• 1:55:37
  it is, I'm very. Churches and trains, Billy.
• 1:55:43
  No, it's Friday. We're definitely going to miss
• 1:55:44
  it on Friday. It's it's a Friday event.
• 1:55:46
  Gorilla Pack is playing Friday, Yeah.
• 1:55:48
  But Sunday is going to be churches and trains and
• 1:55:51
  converse, kid, Yeah. Listen, I'm sorry everybody,
• 1:55:59
  it's fucking wrestling weekend. You're not getting me.
• 1:56:01
  I just. It is what it is.
• 1:56:02
  It is what it is, I think. I think you'd understand, right?
• 1:56:05
  They have to understand kind. Of how I feel like it too.
• 1:56:07
  I was like, there's just so much to do this week.
• 1:56:11
  I still haven't even made my outfit for WrestleMania.
• 1:56:14
  Yeah, I don't, I don't even have like I'm not even super super,
• 1:56:17
  super, super, super super invested in WrestleMania.
• 1:56:20
  There's a few matches I'm excited for, but like I haven't
• 1:56:23
  been, I haven't been watching any of the build up for anything
• 1:56:25
  because I just kind of been taking a break.
• 1:56:26
  So we'll have live TV, but like, it's still WrestleMania.
• 1:56:30
  I sat and talked to WrestleMania all lunch today with a kid that
• 1:56:35
  so this kid like he's just very quiet.
• 1:56:37
  He's just very like reserved. And last week he was going
• 1:56:41
  around with like a fundraiser thing for Krispy Kreme.
• 1:56:43
  And I was like, you going to ask me?
• 1:56:46
  And he was like, oh, I didn't, I didn't realize I was like, I
• 1:56:49
  love Krispy Kreme. But anyway, so I had said
• 1:56:52
  something to you. I think I was on the phone with
• 1:56:54
  you last week about, oh, we're still we're still going to see
• 1:56:57
  Prince Nana on Saturday. And he looked up.
• 1:56:59
  He was like scrolling on his phone.
• 1:57:01
  He's like, he's like Swerve is goaded.
• 1:57:04
  And I was like, you like wrestling.
• 1:57:06
  So then today I was like, it's super.
• 1:57:08
  Dope when you find wrestling, yeah.
• 1:57:09
  So I was like showing him the picture of me with Prince Ma.
• 1:57:11
  He's like, that's so cool. And then we just, I was like, do
• 1:57:14
  you wanna talk WrestleMania predictions?
• 1:57:15
  He was like, yeah, he pulls up the card and we were talking
• 1:57:18
  about all of it. He has some good takes.
• 1:57:20
  I invited him to the Discord for Sunday.
• 1:57:23
  OK. So he was saying like because he
• 1:57:25
  has like a fiance and like a really young baby at home, he
• 1:57:27
  was like, I might not be there right away.
• 1:57:28
  I was like, I don't think we're streaming it probably just like
• 1:57:30
  a watch party it'd. Probably be somebody was
• 1:57:32
  probably streaming in there. If not, you're saying watch on
• 1:57:34
  your own time, yeah? It'll be a fun time.
• 1:57:36
  It'll be a fun time. I think I think the discord is
• 1:57:39
  doing night 1 and night 2 but I told him we won't be there for
• 1:57:41
  night 1. There there.
• 1:57:46
  All. Right.
• 1:57:47
  And that's about all I got, yeah.
• 1:57:48
  So we'll, we'll catch back up with you 2 weeks.
• 1:57:50
  Tell us how bad the episode was without Bride or, or if if we
• 1:57:54
  still held it down. You know, we miss you.
• 1:57:56
  We hope you enjoyed your band and we'll we'll see you then.
• 1:58:00
  But yeah, tons of content coming.
• 1:58:04
  Yeah. I don't know.
• 1:58:05
  Lots of content coming. You got, you got some, you got
• 1:58:08
  some interviews scheduled. Yeah.
• 1:58:11
  I got some people who said they're interested, but we'll
• 1:58:13
  see. We'll reach out and see how it
• 1:58:14
  goes because people say that and then nothing happens.
• 1:58:17
  I don't. I don't think the people that
• 1:58:18
  said things to you are those people.
• 1:58:20
  We'll see. You already technically got one
• 1:58:25
  and you snub tip if anything, Yeah, on accident and.
• 1:58:28
  He's a beautiful Italian man. Right on accident, but still.
• 1:58:32
  Yeah, we'll, we'll end it here. So content is still coming.
• 1:58:36
  Hang out. Bear with us.
• 1:58:38
  We have beer reviews coming. Actually, when I get off here, I
• 1:58:40
  might do lots, do some editing or I may not.
• 1:58:43
  Maybe I'll save it for tomorrow because you said there's spa day
• 1:58:46
  tonight, right? Perhaps I don't know what time
• 1:58:49
  is it? Let's finish the podcast so it's
• 1:58:51
  not too late. We see you guys next time we're
• 1:58:53
  out of here. Blazing Buds, bye.