Latest / iRefresh Podcast / EP 18 How to Live with Loneliness & Thrive - Kasey & Hannah

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EP 18 How to Live with Loneliness & Thrive - Kasey & Hannah · iRefresh Podcast

• 0:00
  Welcome to our iRefresh podcast. Today is a fun day where we have with us our iRefresh prayer team members, but it's our younger generation. We are so ecstatic to have them in the studio, Hannah Waters and Casey Price.
• 0:13
  Welcome. Hi, we're happy to be here. Thank you. Thank you so much for having us, Cheryl. We're excited to be here. My name is Casey. I am 24 years old, and I will start my third year of teaching this August. I love what I do. It's fun each day to be with the kids. It's always something different. When I'm not teaching, I like to play tennis or hang out with my family. I have a really close family, and so we like to do a lot of fun things together.
• 0:42
  Hannah. I'm Hannah. I am 20 years old and I'm currently a student and right now I'm studying Christian counseling and caregiving and I am a perfectionist who loves to drink coffee. All right, so today I think we're gonna discuss something that is a very common thing that a lot of people feel whether you're our age or you're
• 1:05
  Younger or older, I think it's very common in almost every season of life to experience loneliness. Yes, absolutely. I think especially the age that we are, the kind of young adult phase, you know, you are either in college or you've graduated college but you're maybe not quite married. That phase of life can be really important.
• 1:26
  lonely? Yeah. So I think that in college, especially when you're on break, it can be very common to feel lonely because everyone kind of disperses. They go back home. You, if you're working, that kind of takes up some time, but if you're not and you don't really have much to do, it can definitely feel like you're alone and you're lonely. And it can be a very difficult thing to kind of pinpoint and get out of it really.
• 1:52
  Yeah, especially if you let yourself, you know, it's easy to get down in those seasons where you kind of feel like you're alone, you don't have anybody. And you can really get in kind of a funk, you know, being alone. Yeah, I think that something that is important to kind of distinguish between is are you lonely or are you isolated? I think a lot of times being lonely sort of happens to us, but sometimes we sort of choose to isolate ourselves from other people.
• 2:19
  And kind of when you understand whose fault it is almost, whether you've done it to yourself or if it's just sort of happened can kind of help you figure out how you're going to get out of it.
• 2:31
  So I think that as adults, we all have lonely seasons. I think that a lonely season is a time when you feel alone. Maybe you're separated from friendships, social events. It's kind of a feeling that you're living life alone and you don't necessarily have to be, you know, a post-college graduate or pre-marriage graduate.
• 2:50
  go through these seasons of loneliness. I think that loneliness is something that affects everybody. You know, you can feel isolated in different seasons, really of all adult years. But I like what you said. I think it's really important to kind of separate loneliness versus isolation. You know, loneliness is when you feel like you're alone, isolating. I think you kind of have to intentionally separate yourself from the world. And that's not a good place to be in.
• 3:20
  Yeah, definitely. And there's a quote from a psychologist, Carl Jung, and he said that loneliness doesn't always come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you. And I think that sometimes we can feel lonely even when we're surrounded by people. And it really becomes a question of, do I feel accepted? Am I around the right people? Because if you aren't around the right people, you can still feel lonely and unaccepted.
• 3:48
  Yeah, and I think, too, it's the lonely seasons that we walk through. It's important. What do you do? How do you deal with those seasons? And I think that sometimes we walk through these valleys in life or these places,
• 4:02
  places, you know, that you feel like you're alone because that's God's purpose for you to grow closer to him. You know, he's always wanting to teach us things through every season, you know, the highs and the lows. But I think especially when you're in those lonely seasons where you feel like you don't have anybody, it's in those places that you can really press in to the Lord and see, you know, what he has for you in that season. Yeah.
• 4:25
  Yeah, another quote. There's a big difference between isolation and solitude. Solitude is being alone and talking to God, but isolation is being alone and talking to yourself. And I think that it sometimes just comes down to your perspective. If you are alone alone.
• 4:42
  How are you going to spend that time alone? Are you going to spend it wallowing in self-pity or are you going to see it as an opportunity without distractions to put your focus on God and to dive into his word and to grow in your relationship with him while you aren't having all these other things fighting for your attention? Yeah. And I love in Jeremiah 29, 13, it says that you seek me and you find me when you seek me with all of your heart. And so I think when you get to that place sometimes where you feel like you're alone,
• 5:11
  Um, you maybe do feel isolated socially. If you cry out to the Lord, God, our God is so faithful that he will meet you where you are. And it's, you know, I've been in that place myself, just desperate for a touch from the Lord. And not once have I not received from him, you know, um,
• 5:32
  God's our, he's just so faithful. That's how he is. You know, he wants to comfort us in those times, um, and be there, you know, when we see him, he is always there.
• 5:41
  Yeah, that's so good. And I think that we can go through seasons of things that we need. And sometimes we do need to be surrounded by people and to flourish in those relationships. But other times we do need those distractions cut out so that we can focus more on God. And I think it comes down to there shouldn't be any time that we aren't in relationship with God. Yeah.
• 6:06
  But there are some times where there will be other factors coming into play, and there will be times that there aren't. But in Genesis 2, this is the first book of the Bible. And as God is, you know, through the creation story, he's creating Adam. And it says in verse 18,
• 6:22
  The Lord God said, it is not good for the man to be alone. And so he made a helper for Adam. And there should always be God or a friend or someone in our life who is in relationship with us, who's holding us accountable, who's encouraging us. And sometimes it does feel lonely to, you know, in the natural, but we still have God. And so we never aren't in communication with him and we're never not in relationship with God. Yeah.
• 6:51
  And sometimes, you know, I think that people are, and if you're listening to the podcast, you might be thinking that, you know, there isn't somebody you have, like Hannah mentioned, you know, having that person that can keep you accountable or that you can, you know, walk through life with. Just like she said, you know, in Genesis, it was never God's intention for me and to live a life alone. Obviously, that's why he created Eve for Adam.
• 7:14
  And so I think just getting into that place in your prayer life where you can say, Lord, you know, I need a friend. Please have me cross paths with somebody, you know, bring somebody into my life. I think even being bold and stepping out, trying a new Bible study or going to a small group, volunteering somewhere that you can meet people and just be bold. You know, it really does take boldness to step out. You have to kind of get out of that and get into that uncomfortable place. Yeah.
• 7:44
  to try and meet people. Um, but I really think asking the Lord, it might take time, but he is faithful to,
• 7:50
  answer that request. And I think what's so cool to understand is back to that when God created a helper for Adam, there was no sin or brokenness in the world at this point in the Bible. And so whether your season is lonely or it's this or it's that, you are supposed to have that relationship with God and with others. And so like we mentioned before, if you aren't surrounded by the right people, you're
• 8:19
  You'll feel lonely. So maybe you need to take a step back from the people when you realize I'm with these people, but I still feel alone. Maybe that's kind of a sign that you need to seek out some other relationships where you do feel more encouraged and more comforted when you're around them.
• 8:35
  And I call that like pruning seasons because that's an uncomfortable place also to be in is kind of letting some friendships go. Or maybe you have to spend a little bit less time because it's not beneficial. You know, there's, I don't know if it's a quote or people say, you know, the people in your life right now can't go with you into the next season.
• 8:56
  And so that's not fun to, you know, lose friendships or to not spend as much time in a certain friendship. But a lot of times the places that God is wanting to take us result from the pruning of different relationships. Right. Yeah.
• 9:12
  That's so good. And even in, I think it's John 15, where that pruning and being God is the vine and we are the branches, that comes back to being rooted in Him. Absolutely. So when you are going through those seasons of pruning and kind of taking steps back from your relationships with your friends...
• 9:31
  stay dependent on God, stay rooted in him, because that's how you will continue to still feel cared for and comforted because you are rooted in him, even when you don't have so much going on in your natural relationships with other people. So we've talked a lot about loneliness and the seasons that we go through, but what do you do when you're actually living in those lonely seasons? I love to start my mornings. I like to read the Bible or have some prayer time.
• 10:00
  But there are times where I'm feeling so down just about, you know, different situations or there's nights where, you know, all my friends are doing something. Maybe I wasn't invited or it's something that I am not going to do with them.
• 10:14
  it's easy to get down, you know, in those lonely seasons. Um, and so if I'm feeling like it's hard to get into the word or I really don't even have a prayer to pray just because I'm so, you know, distraught, truly I've been in those seasons. I have a playlist on Spotify that's literally called keep going and it's just Christian music. That's worship music. Um, that really kind of fills my
• 10:40
  I may not have the words to pray, but that worship music is filling my atmosphere. And if I just kind of sit in it and rest in that, it's easy to eventually mutter out some praises and realize, you know, that, yes, in the flesh I may feel alone. But I know that my God, you know, never leaves me or forsakes me. And so having that worship music to kind of...
• 11:05
  fill your spirit, then it's easier to kind of lead into prayer and thanksgiving and, you know, drawing closer to the Lord.
• 11:14
  Yeah, that's so good. I love that. And I'm a huge proponent of listening to worship music as I'm sleeping, you know, because your spirit man never rests. It's always going. And so even just feeding on that. And I love what you said. Sometimes you don't have anything in you to pray out. And it's those breaking points that we need God the most and that he is calling out to us. But when we call out to him, he answers us.
• 11:39
  And so I think that that's such a good starting point when you really feel like you have nothing else to give. Just stir up that in your heart and in the atmosphere. And that's a great starting point if you don't know where else to go.
• 11:51
  And just remembering, too, you know, Jesus is our true comforter and friend. We talk about these lonely seasons and we are living life, you know, without friends or maybe whatever we're walking through. We don't feel like we don't have a lot of people. But having a relationship with the Lord and seeking him, he's our true friend. He's our true comforter.
• 12:11
  In Deuteronomy 31.6, it says, The Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave you or forsake you. And so just remembering, you know, that even Jesus experienced loneliness when he died on the cross. He cried out to his own father, Why have you forsaken me? And...
• 12:28
  The Lord knows what we're going through. So when we feel like we are alone, you know, that's where he wants to step in and be our comforter and teach us, love on us and speak truth and hope to us in those seasons.
• 12:42
  That's really good. I think something that I've kind of come to learn is that loneliness is sort of an internal thing. And it's like in our hearts, we have a Christ-shaped hole that only God can fill. And sometimes, you know, in the world, we try and fill it with different things, with wrong relationships or with binge eating or all these different things. But the truth of the matter is you will never feel content and not alone unless you fill that with God. Yeah. Yeah.
• 13:13
  So what are some things that, well, I've been in a lonely season. I'm sure that you've probably walked through some lonely seasons. As far as getting out of it, you know, we talked a little bit about being bold, trying new things, Bible studies, small groups, maybe going to volunteer somewhere. Is there anything that you've done, like, in a lonely season or kind of put yourself out there to...
• 13:35
  maybe meet some new people or? Yeah, so I'm an introvert, and it is a little difficult sometimes because it kind of goes against my natural inclinations to, yeah, to reach out to people.
• 13:50
  I think sometimes there's a grace there when you know you're supposed to reach out to those people. And God knows what you need. So sometimes if you don't even feel like you can reach out to people, he might send them in your way. And maybe it's not exactly how you expect them to be. Maybe they're just crossing your path and that's your kind of sign to reach out to people.
• 14:09
  you have to say something first, but he put them in your path in the first place so that you had the opportunity to say something. And so sometimes you can't just sit around and wait for someone to make the first move, but God might make things a little bit easier for you to step out. Well, and that's why I think it comes down to, you have to really be intentional about setting something up. You know, how often do we
• 14:30
  walk through life and we run into somebody at the grocery store or out and about and we say, oh, let's get together. You know, and then you see him six months later and it's, oh, let's get together. But you really have to be intentional about, you know, like, hey, let's go get coffee next week. Text me if you have, you know, a morning free.
• 14:47
  I think just being practical about actually meaning what you say to set up something with somebody else is a good start to maybe exiting that lonely season. Yeah, and being intentional. You know, once you run into those people, follow through. Don't just...
• 15:06
  say it and then leave them hanging you know sometimes people won't do something because they're waiting on you but you're waiting on them and it's it's really freeing to be the first person to make that step because you know you get to go out there and the ball's kind of in their court and you know whatever happens happens but at least you know that you tried and you did what you could to make that happen yeah
• 15:29
  So as a young single woman, sometimes, of course, we feel lonely and we see our friends and relationships.
• 15:36
  So there have been times where I maybe didn't handle things the best way that I could have, and I kind of just wanted to wallow in that loneliness. And so I would turn on a romantic comedy and be watching all these love stories and, you know, just cuddling with my pillow, you know, pretending it's a guy or whatever. But, you know, that really didn't do anything for me in the long run because I was just sitting in there soaking up that –
• 16:00
  not good feeling and I wanted to feel sorry for myself and like I said it didn't do anything in the long run except make me feel even more lonely at the end of the day yeah um I've been there absolutely um been watching Netflix um I have actually just honestly this is bad said no to
• 16:21
  certain things with my family or my mom because I'm just like in a mood of loneliness and I'm like, no, I'm just going to watch Netflix and be by myself. And that's absolutely not a healthy way to deal with loneliness. Or what about just surrounding yourself with bad company or influences just for the fun of it? You know, trying to...
• 16:41
  be around people that you just kind of become desperate for any type of company or, you know, there's lots of different apps and websites for meeting people, starting to date. And not that those are necessarily bad. I know lots of people who, you know, have met who they're going to marry on some of these sites.
• 17:01
  dating websites. But is that God's best? Like, is that right that we go through these lonely seasons and times of feeling isolated? Yeah. And I think it really comes down to what is the root problem or cause of your feeling lonely? And I think, you know, just as sometimes when our body's in pain, it's kind of a sign that something's off, that we need to fix something or we need to heal in a certain area. Sometimes loneliness can be a sign that something in our
• 17:31
  And maybe being lonely isn't so bad because it's a sign that we need to draw closer to God. And maybe you are walking with God, but maybe that loneliness is a sign that it's time to go deeper, shake something up, get out of your routine. Because like I said, it doesn't have to be that something's even missing, but something is just off or needs a little bit of tweaking.
• 17:53
  So instead of maybe dealing with loneliness and the ways that we talked about, you know, Netflix or things that probably are not God's best for loneliness, what are some practical things to do when you're actually in a season of loneliness while you're there? I know we talked a little bit about the music like I have on Spotify, you know, that worship music.
• 18:17
  I know I like to get up in the mornings and it's not always easy, but just to spend that time in reading the word. I like to journal, you know, and I think too it's nice because eventually we're all going to get out of these seasons, but to go back and see what you journaled, what the Lord has taken you from and brought you out of. Yeah, and his faithfulness.
• 18:36
  Right. So is there anything that you do? Yeah, well, this is totally a personality thing, but I really find that when I'm out in nature, I just feel something inside of me that makes me feel more content. And even if I'm not talking to someone, I'm just hearing the birds chirping or, you know, whatever. There's just something about that that kind of almost realigns you. And so...
• 18:59
  You can bring your Bible out there, maybe bring some worship music out on your phone, or you can just sit there in silence. But that's something practical. I mean, you're already alone, so you have no distractions while you're doing that. But there's just something about it that can kind of help realign you and refocus you. Yeah, I love that. I like to take walks too sometimes, and it's not always easy, especially if you're in a really, really deep state of loneliness, which I've been in. I just want to stay in my bed. Making yourself get out.
• 19:27
  And like you said, seeing nature and seeing what's around you, you know, and just tell the Lord what you're thankful for. Sometimes I start out and I literally just say, thank you, Lord, for the feet that I have that I'm walking on right now. You know, thank you for the breath in my lungs. I can inhale as I'm walking and just, you know, look around. And there's so many things that you can find to be thankful for.
• 19:46
  Yeah. And I truly have heard God speak so clearly to me when I'm just walking to class on campus and I'm not talking to anyone. I wasn't even saying anything, but I heard him because I chose to be silent and be open to what he wanted to say to me.
• 20:01
  Right. So even though lonely seasons can be difficult, you know, it's hard to sometimes feel like you don't have a lot of friends around you. You're missing out on social events or different things. It is often in those seasons that the Lord speaks to us, that he brings us closer to him. We grow in our relationship with him in our prayer life. And actually, it turns out that the lonely seasons are what promote us to walk into the next season that he has for us. Right.
• 20:29
  Yeah, I think just your perspective, you can turn a lonely season into a fruitful season of growth and maturing spiritually if you choose to look at it that way and take advantage of the season. Like I said, there's so much less that's fighting for your attention. So use that to focus in on God and his word and how he sees you and what he has for you in this next step.
• 20:50
  So if you're listening today, we would love to hear from you. What are some ways that you have dealt with your lonely seasons? How did you either live day-to-day in that season? Or what were some practical steps that you took to not let yourself get down into a state of isolation, but to walk through your lonely season? We would love to hear from you. Or if there's anything you would like us to pray for with you, we would love to join in in agreement with prayer for you.
• 21:18
  Well, Casey and I have enjoyed this so much. So let's continue this conversation. You can reach out to us on our website, irafresh.net. Follow us on Instagram at irafresh underscore net, or even on our Facebook page. You can leave a comment. You can subscribe to us. We would just love to interact with you on there.
• 21:38
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