Transcript

Free At Last · Sober Readings

Scott Hayes: Welcome to Sober Readings. Today is Sunday the 10th of May. Let's begin with the Serenity Prayer. God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Today's reading from Daily Reflections. Free at last. Another great dividend we may expect from confiding our defects to another human being is humility, a word often misunderstood. It amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. That's from the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, page 58. I knew deep inside that if I were ever to be joyous, happy, and free, I had to share my past life with some other individual. The joy and relief I experienced after doing so were beyond description. Almost immediately after taking the fifth step, I felt free from the bondage of self and the bondage of alcohol. That freedom remains after 36 years, a day at a time. I found that God could do for me what I couldn't do for myself. Today's reading from 24 Hours. May 10, AA Thought for the Day. One thing that keeps me sober is a feeling of loyalty to the other members of the group. I know I'd be letting them down if I ever took a drink. When I was drinking, I wasn't loyal to anybody. I should have been loyal to my family, but I wasn't. I let them down by my drinking. When I came into AA, I found a group of people who were not only helping each other stay sober, but who were loyal to each other by staying sober themselves. So ask yourself, Am I loyal to my group? The Meditation for the Day. Calmness is constructive of good. Agitation is destructive of good. I should not rush into action. I should first be still and know that He is God. Then I should act only as God directs me through my conscience. Only trust, perfect trust in God, can keep me calm when all around me are agit... Calmness is trust in action. I should seek all things which can help me to cultivate calmness. To attain material things, the world learns to attain speed. To attain spiritual things, I have to learn to attain a state of calm. in today's prayer for the day. I pray that I may learn how to have inner peace. I pray that I may be calm so that God can work through me. And for today's final reading, I'm going to read a couple paragraphs from a book I just picked up, actually. It's called How a Little Becomes a Lot, The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life. And it's written by Eric Zimmer, and he is actually the host of the podcast called The One You Feed. And so I'm going to be reading from chapter three. Chapter 3 is titled, The Architecture of Change. And there's a quote in the beginning here, says, I had been sober for about a week. I had been in detox and came home for Christmas. The game was over. The jig was up. I had told my parents and the people in my life I was an addict, and I was convinced that I wanted to be clean. As short a time a week sounds, those first seven days are a big deal for any recovering addict, and that night I believed that it had been the first week of the rest of my clean and sober life. I went to a recovery meeting and came home. And then things took a small disastrous turn. There in the mail was a gift from my grandfather, $25. At that time, $25 was the magic number for a shot of heroin. Instantly, I felt an overwhelming craving to use. I didn't want to, and at the same time I did. To this day, I don't know of a worse feeling than that sensation of being torn in two. One part of me screaming, don't do it. and another part screaming, I have to. I paged my dealer and he agreed to meet me in one of our five or so shitty regular spots around Columbus. I remember driving there, it was snowing and I was sobbing in the car. Dream On by Aerosmith was playing on the radio. With every turn signal, a fresh wave of shame broke over me and yet it felt like an invisible malevolent hand was steering the car down the road. We can leave that particular story there, you know how it ends. And while you may never have experienced the particular self-disappointment of relapsing under the sickly yellow lights of a strip mall parking lot in Ohio, who among us doesn't know that torn-in-two feeling and the feeling of watching yourself make exactly the wrong choice? In his letter to the Romans, Paul the apostle complained, And again, that's from a book called How a Little Becomes a Lot, it's written by Eric Zimmer. And if those few paragraphs from chapter 3 tell you anything about how good this book is, you should definitely read it. And I chose this reading because I can relate so much to it, not because of the particular drug that he was using. Some of the actions I can relate to, but mainly the feelings. You know, he truly believed after that first week that he had changed and that he was heading in the right direction away from drug use. And then something as simple as $25 cash in his hand, a very insignificant amount, changed his thinking and the disease took over. And screaming at myself not to do it, you one side of my brain has said, don't do it, don't do it. I know I shouldn't be doing this. I knew I was going to, and that's such a horrible feeling. That's a total loss of any control that I thought I might have had. And that is the complete powerlessness that we have to admit in order to take step one. ⁓ And that is necessary for me anyway. It was necessary to begin my journey into sobriety. But a point I'd like to make about that is that once this step is taken, or any of the steps for that matter, it's not permanent. More... Continuous work has to be done to maintain that that thinking and that's why one day at a time is so important to me It's because doing something for one day is much more manageable than doing it for a lifetime And so that's it for today's episode of sober readings I really hope you enjoyed that last reading and I hope you enjoyed the show and if you did do me a huge huge favor and hit that like button and Share this episode with someone you think might need it drop a comment. Let me know what you thought And if you'd like to recommend a reading for me, or if you'd like to come on the show and read it yourself, I'd love to have you. Just send me an email at soberreadingswithscott at gmail.com. And also, if you'd like to drop a dollar in the virtual donation basket for today's reading, just go to soberreadings.com and click the donate button. So thank you so much for listening. Stay sober, keep reading, and I'll catch you in the next episode. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other, and remember, just for today, don't drink, go to a meeting, and keep coming back. Have a great day. And as my friend Larry says, best day ever.