Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / why you need to be selfish

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why you need to be selfish · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

• 0:00
  It is okay to be selfish, it is okay to prioritize yourself over
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  other people's wants and needs. But nobody's going to tell you
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  that we view putting ourselves first as a bad thing, but
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  ultimately it is one of the best things that we can do for our
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  mental health. Hey there, and welcome back to
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  another episode of feel your feelings, with me, Ethan Jewel.
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  This is a podcast. I started all about mental
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  health, and mental health awareness.
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  Now, I'm A doctor a psychologist or a professional in the mental
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  health industry whatsoever. I'm just a guy who was felt some
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  big feelings in his very passionate about mental health
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  in wants to start the conversation.
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  So thank you so much for being here.
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  And as always, let's feel some feelings.
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  When I started my mental health journey, I wasn't very good at
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  putting myself first, I never really have been.
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  I'm always one to say yes to other people to stretch myself
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  then and to commit as much of myself as possible to other
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  things, I would commit myself to activities to people to
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  situations that I didn't necessarily want to be a part
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  of, but I felt it was my duty to fulfill other people.
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  I felt as though it was my duty to make other people happy to
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  bring joy to their lives. Lives.
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  Frankly, I think that for a very long time, I felt that I wasn't
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  valid as a person, unless I was making other people's lives more
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  fulfilled. And let me tell you, that was an
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  awful way to live. And I live that way for years
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  and years all through my late teens.
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  I was constantly stretching myself thin in order to meet
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  other people's expectations in order to be what other people
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  wanted. Get me to be I hardly ever
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  allowed time for myself. I hardly ever allowed time for
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  my mental health, and I hardly ever allowed time for me to
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  understand who I am as a person. And this became extremely
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  detrimental. This caused me to slip into a
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  place of self, identity of crisis, of worry and anxiety.
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  I was constantly worried what other people thought of me.
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  I was constantly worried of letting them down, and this fed
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  into a vicious cycle this fed into Cycle of me making myself
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  far too available and never being selfish.
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  There's this odd idea that it's selfish to take care of our
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  mental health, that it's self-centered to take time for
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  ourselves and focus on us. But really, that is the key to a
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  healthier relationship with our feelings.
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  We have to take time to ourselves.
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  We have to have Quiet Moments alone to observe and to
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  understand. So if you find yourself A little
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  bit too stretched out. This is the perfect episode for
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  you now, I want to preface everything I'm about to say by
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  reminding you that? I'm not a doctor and I'm not a
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  professional. This is all simply from personal
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  experience and me knowing what works for me.
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  What works for you may look different and I encourage you to
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  experiment and try new things to help your mental health.
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  So, why do we stretch ourselves? So thin for other people, why do
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  we prioritize other people? Well, a dark or humans are
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  social creatures. We seek other people's approval.
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  We seek other people's opinions. We want to impress, we want to
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  be seen as this, amazing version of ourselves.
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  This is why we create social selves, this is something I've
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  learned back. In my psychology classes are.
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  Social selves are the versions of us that we present to other
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  people. This is different from our true
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  self and we often alter our social self to be slightly
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  different Aunt, from our true self and there's nothing wrong
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  with this inherently. It's our way of protecting our
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  own piece. It's our way of being sure that
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  our true self is safe and there's this version of us that
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  we present however, this becomes harmful when we begin to
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  purposely change ourselves in order to prioritize other
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  people, when we don't allow our true selves, to ever grow, to
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  ever see the light of day, it's important to spend time alone
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  with Your true self to understand who you are.
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  It's important to not, let your social self take over to consume
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  who you are. It's important to not let other
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  people's expectations and wants and needs consume your own wants
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  and needs. However, this is far too common
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  because we are social creatures. We want to meet other people's
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  expectations and we'll do that by sacrificing our own needs.
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  A great example, I can think of in this happen to me all the
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  time. Several years ago is, it would
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  be evening and I wouldn't be feeling so great.
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  Honestly, all I needed was just an I tend to take care of my
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  mental health, to be alone to sit in quiet and to help heal
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  myself. However, a friend of mine would
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  text me and say, hey, do you want to go do blank and I would
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  respond? Yes, every single time.
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  Sometimes I would even look at the text message and I think to
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  myself, I don't want to do this. I don't feel like doing this.
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  I want to stay home, but I was so scared of disappointing.
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  Other people that I would push past that and injure my own
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  mental health in order to match these expectations.
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  And that is dangerous. That is a betrayal of our own
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  selves in order to benefit other people.
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  So, how do we solve this? How do we get over our want to
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  impress other people and to match their expectations?
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  Oceans and suppress our own needs.
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  Well, in my experience, there is no one solution.
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  There is no one quick thing that we can change in order to
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  prioritize ourselves in fact, as, with many things, when it
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  comes to mental health, we simply need to be aware and then
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  apply that awareness to our real life.
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  So, next time you are feeling bad, next time, you're feeling
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  down on yourself. I want you to chant almost like
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  a mantra It is okay for you to be selfish, it is okay to be
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  selfish. It is okay to prioritize your
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  own peace and your own mental health.
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  So, if you're feeling bad and somebody asks you to go out, ask
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  yourself, if you really want to go out, ask yourself, if you
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  really want to do anything other than take care of your mental
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  health. And if the answer is, no, then
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  you say no, then you stay inside then.
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  You be selfish. It is okay.
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  Now, of course, I don't mean that we should be rude to other
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  people. Of course, they're still people
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  with feelings and wants and needs.
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  However, it is important that we prioritize ourselves.
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  When we can, in order to protect our peace, you deserve to spend
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  time with yourself and to spend time taking care of your mental
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  health, you deserve a healthier brain.
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  In one that doesn't feel pressured by the expectations of
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  other People, you deserve to feel peace free of these
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  pressures. So remember it is okay to be
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  selfish, take care of you. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. Thank you so much for tuning in.
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  Please send me a message on my Instagram at Jewel, boy
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  underscore, and let me know what you thought about today's
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  episode. Also, if you need help, feeling
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  your feelings and getting closer to your emotions.
• 7:45
  Go check out my music. Ethan Jewel, on all platforms
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  and I almost guarantee, it'll make you cry.
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  So thank you so much for tuning in.
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  Thank you for understanding that.
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  It's okay to be selfish. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.