Latest / Founder Unfiltered - What Founders Think But Never Say / Everything in my life I create, promote or allow with Greg Stephens

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Everything in my life I create, promote or allow with Greg Stephens · Founder Unfiltered - What Founders Think But Never Say

0:00
Welcome to another episode of 6 Figure Secrets for Fractional
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Experts. My name is Bradley Jacobs on the
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founder and CEO of Mylance and your host today.
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Today I'm joined by Greg Stevens.
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Greg is a Certified Professional Behavior Analyst, Master
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Certified trainer, and Corporate executive coach.
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Greg's a professional speaker, facilitator, trainer, coach, and
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author of Build New Bridges, The Art of Restoring Impossible
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Relationships. It's got 25 years of practical
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business experience worked across Fortune 500 companies and
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many national organizations with the main purpose to empower and
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transform individuals and corporations to take the
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ordinary and make it extraordinary.
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Greg, welcome to the show. Bradley, thanks so much for
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having me. It's an honor to be here.
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I really appreciate it. I'm going to start with, how did
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you get into this space? It's kind of a unique niche
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around having those hard conversations, like give us the
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a bridge story of how you got into this well.
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When I first started, I was in sales and actually worked
1:04
through getting my coaching certification through a true
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apprenticeship early and I first taught man woman relationship
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programs. As I worked through that for
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several years, I found that the biggest problem people had was
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communication, especially when the stakes were high.
1:23
And then I run it ran into a group training.
1:25
It was called Path, the Dialogue and trainers, actually, they
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created the training later to be dialogue smarts, and then they
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changed it after they wrote the book to crucial conversations,
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tools for talking when stakes are high.
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So I've been around it a while, but I was one of those people
1:42
that really needed help when stakes were high.
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I could talk to anyone at almost anytime.
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And when I took that class, it changed how I did things.
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And I thought, how can I actually, I started teaching the
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class, I thought, how can I actually live what I'm teaching?
2:00
So I made a had a crazy idea that I would clean up all my
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past relationships. And so I made a list of 36
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people and it took me about 2 1/2 years to go back and clean
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all of those up. And doesn't mean I'm best
2:15
friends with those people, just means I clean things up.
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Some relationship was rekindled, others it was a one and done
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situation. So there's a lot of things that
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happened in there and I actually was attracted to it because I
2:28
was so bad at it. You know, those who don't don't
2:32
know how to do it, they typically teach well, I wanted
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to learn how to actually do it on a day-to-day basis as I
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taught it because I wanted to live what I was teaching.
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And so that's how I came into it and what I was once scared of.
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I still don't like, I'll be honest with you, Bradley, I
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don't like having these conversations.
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What I do like is what is on the other side of the conversation.
2:55
Yeah. I mean, often there's that
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discomfort in the middle to get to where we want to go, right?
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Always. So if I'm a fractional executive
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independent consultant, small business owner listening to this
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right now, I might be thinking to myself like, OK, how does
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this apply to me? So why should people keep
3:14
listening right now? Think of it like this.
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What's a conversation you've been putting off or haven't had?
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There's something could be with your spouse about running your
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business. It could be with a client not
3:26
paying. You could be with a client not
3:28
doing what you ask them to do, not even communicating what you
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need. There's typically many of these
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conversations. We typically just think that's
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how the world is. But what if you had the ability
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to begin addressing those? I find there's typically money
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on the other side of these in business, and it actually brings
3:49
you Peace of Mind. It starts to wipe out a lot of
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the drama in your life, all the unnecessary issues.
3:56
It brings accountability with your people back into place.
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But if you don't have a good foundation in this area, you
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tend to avoid it until you're frustrated to the point where
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you're not sleeping at night, you see your people as a problem
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or the situation, all of those things.
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And we feel like we have no control.
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And I know how that is. When you take that back, you
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know how to communicate. A whole different reality can
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begin to ensue at that point. And one thing you mentioned
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earlier when we were chit chatting before this was maybe
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the most important conversation is the one with yourself.
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How does this? Yeah.
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How does that play a role as a business owner?
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Well, The thing is, is if we tend to look outside of
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ourselves and blame others or circumstances, we have no real
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power. Bradley, if you work for me, I
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have no power to change you at all.
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But internally I'm like, I see you as the problem.
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If I start to look at where I'm the problem, how can I improve
4:56
myself where I can influence you and how can I get better at
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communicating like that? I actually take back my power
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rather than giving it out to other people who aren't pulling
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their weight. And I can begin to do things
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differently. And what I found when I do
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things differently, other people tend to have to change how they
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engage with me. But all starts with that
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internal conversation first. Am I as good as I thought I was?
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I thought it was pretty good at this, but things aren't falling
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into place the way I thought they they need to be.
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So am I doing the right things rather than saying it's my
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people or people just don't do what they say?
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How can I influence them to do that rather than try to control
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them to do that? Because that illusion of control
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wears this down. It takes our power away.
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So it's that internal conversation to know I can do
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that. How do I manage my emotions is
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another one. People push your buttons or
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circumstances push your buttons. That's all a mental construct of
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us seeing the world. We see it as this.
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It shouldn't be this way. Well, that's an illusion.
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Anytime you hear the word should yourself saying should or
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shouldn't, that's illusionary. So what can I do to actually
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begin to create with what's showing up with me in the best
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way possible? Doesn't change my vision, it
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changes how I engage with the obstacles to fulfill on that
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vision. So as we're talking about this
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for about taking responsibility, right, That's what I hear you
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say, it feels very easy to blame this circumstance or someone
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else or the market or my dog or whatever, my spouse, my kids,
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whatever. There's a million things to
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blame. It's so easy.
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And as you said, gives our power away.
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So what prevents us? Because there's also incredible
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ownership and authority. And there's something beautiful
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about taking responsibility of like, OK, I get to be the one
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that creates what I want to create, but what prevents people
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from doing that? Well, there's a lot of things
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I'm going to say. Sometimes it typically starts
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out with an ability issue. We typically look at, oh,
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they're, they're doubting themselves.
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Well, they possibly doubt themselves because they've never
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done it before. I mean, think about anything you
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do the first time. It's awkward.
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You're not going to get it right the first time.
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And that's another thing when you're out on your own, you're
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going to get a lot wrong early on.
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And so we tend to be worried about those things that we don't
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know and understand even about ourselves.
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And so like you said, it's easy. It's the human nature to
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actually look outside ourselves because that goes along with
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fear and the amygdala. When fear shuts our amygdala,
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our amygdala actually sparks and we go into fight or flight mode.
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But one of the things I constantly tell my people is
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fear always distorts. So once you think about that for
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a second, if I'm looking at the situation or whatever it is with
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this person and I have a fear going on, I've got a distorted
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view of what's really happening. And some of it may be right, but
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I'm not getting the entire picture.
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And if I want to make a good decision, I need to be able to
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get the entire picture to be able to do that.
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So I'd say that's the first thing.
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It's just fear. It's when we stop fighting it
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and say, OK, this is how I'm designed.
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How do I short circuit how I'm designed?
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We as human beings, we're the only species on the planet that
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has the ability to do that. And it's a higher understanding
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of discipline and changing the way I look at things.
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There's a quote I use in nearly every one of my talks, and it's
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this. Everything in my life I create,
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promote or allow. So when I own that, I have an
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ability to begin to do something about it.
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If I look at something I didn't do that well, then I have no
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power to change it. But if I own it, then I begin to
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take power to change it. It might not look the way I
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thought it needs to be, but I can actually make adjustments
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and influence different people and the first person I have to
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influence is myself. Wow, OK, so good.
9:18
So if we have this animalistic instinct to be scared, right, to
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have fear, which is a good thing.
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It's necessary. We would survive.
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Right, right. So we get to stay alive.
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We get to be scared of, you know, certain things.
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And that's that's good. But that translates into I'm
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scared of this conversation. I'm scared of getting rejected.
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I'm scared of making mistakes. I'm scared of being seen on down
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the line. And so you said something about
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fighting how I'm being, how I'm designed.
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I'm designed to be scared and in order to step into a bigger,
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whatever tough conversation, bigger your business, you know,
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go out there. I get to fight how I'm designed.
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How do I do that? I love the question because
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that's what we teach. Here's what's amazing When our
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brain shuts us down and we go into flight or flight mode,
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we're working from our amygdala. Our neocortex is not
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functioning. It's actually blacked out at
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that moment. But what turns the brain back on
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are questions. When I can have the wherewithal
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incense to ask myself a question, then I start to flip
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and reverse that process. Because here's the good news.
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Your reflective brain, which is your neocortex, and the reactive
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brain, which this is the amygdala, they can't both be on
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at the same time. That's the good news, because
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once I notice I'm in fight or flight mode, I have to take a
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breath. You have to break that
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pensipathetic nervous system, break it by a deep, deep breath,
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maybe two or three. Then ask yourself a question and
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a question like, wait, what is it I really want here?
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What is it? And it's interesting.
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Any question I'll do, if you really think about it is I tell
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this all the time in my classes. Let's say someone pose in front
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of you in traffic. You get upset, I do.
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But in that moment, take some random math number like 4567 / 9
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and try to figure out to the decimal point what you'll find.
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By the time you get there, if you don't use a calculator, your
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emotions toward that other driver will have begun to
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subside. So when that happens, all of a
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sudden I'm turning my brain back on to say, you know what?
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That wasn't the main thing. But I did this in class in
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Houston years ago. And a woman came back on the
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second day of class. She said right after class, I
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tried your little tricks. Someone cut me off and I got
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mad. And she said when I tried the
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math thing, I got even madder. I said, why?
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She goes because I couldn't do the math anymore.
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But you don't have to use a math question, but use a question
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that brings you forward. Like, how am I responsible in
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this moment? Who?
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That's a big one. Most of us don't.
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Well, I didn't do anything. I bet if you dug deep enough,
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you can find there's some level of responsibility.
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Even if you're in a bad marriage, you chose to be there.
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You actually walked down the aisle with that person.
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But here's the thing, I'm not letting them off the hook.
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I'm just trying to put you back in charge of your own
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facilities, your own, your own emotions in that moment.
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That's what I'm trying to do with that question.
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It's not about being right or wrong about it.
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It's being able to ask it and turn your brain back on.
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And even I was having a little bit of a rough morning this
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morning and I went to the bathroom in a restaurant I was
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in and I the like soap dispenser wasn't working at the sink like
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I was at. And I was just like, kind of I
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had this moment of like, of course, like, you know, when it
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when it rains, it pours kind of vibe.
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And then I did ask myself, I was like, what am I really upset
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about here? Like truly I just and then I was
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like, nothing, right? I'm not actually upset.
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If this is not a big deal, I'm going to go get the other.
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It's fine. And I shift.
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It was like over, right. So yeah, I just like, what what
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am I actually upset about? Or I think, and I, when I coach
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people, I ask like, what are you scared of?
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Let's just name it, right? Because when you name it, you're
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like, okay, I'm scared of failure.
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Cool, what does failure look like?
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Okay, no one listens to my podcast.
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Okay, what does that mean about you?
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Like, you can just keep going and you kind of get to like, the
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fear is totally irrational. They're paper thin and they're
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not real, most of them, yeah. It's at least in a knowledge
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capital or knowledge workforce that we typically work in today.
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Now, if you're if you're welding something, if you're out there
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doing something dangerous, it's a different situation when you
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get out there because I've worked with steel workers on
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mentorship programs and it's interesting to talk about, OK,
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when you're out there in the plant floor, there's a time for
13:59
command decision pop to listen to me yell at someone, get them
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into safety. But then there's also a time to
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pull it aside in the locker room and talk about, hey, man, you
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know, what do we need to do out there to be safe?
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Or how do how do we learn from what happened today?
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But in that moment is not the time to have that conversation.
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And you're bringing a point of it.
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I'm kind of tying it all in my head as you as you talk is when
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I do business planning for my lands, for my company, I do it
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when there's kind of nothing else going on in my day.
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I can't do it at 11 AM. Like I'm being pinged an e-mail,
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LinkedIn and Slack and all this other stuff.
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And it's like it's hectic and I kind of feel like a little bit
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I'm in fight or flight. I'm just like trying to like,
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you know, navigate all this shit in the day.
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When I do it like Sunday, late afternoon, I have a clear head.
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No one's bothering me about anything and I can think really
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clearly, right? I'm very reflective on what the
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business needs, right, which is great.
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And then when I go to execute some of those things, sometimes
15:03
that's when some fear can pop up.
15:05
Absolutely. And it becomes because you're in
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that space. But I think every person who
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runs a business or is working with with business leaders, you
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need to have that space of creativity, safety, thinking
15:20
through things. But then the application doesn't
15:23
typically look like what you planned it to be.
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And so that's much of the breakdown.
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But I love that you noticed that about yourself.
15:31
Some, many people just keep moving on and they don't find
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what works for them. Some people work better in the
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evenings, some people early in the mornings.
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Yeah. It's kind of tying it together
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of, of being in the reflective state, let's say a Sunday in the
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afternoon versus being in more of the reactive state.
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And then when I'm in the reactive state, I get to kind of
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practice what you're talking about, right?
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And like if I'm scared to do something or feel uncomfortable,
15:57
my reaction can sometimes just be distraction.
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Like I'll go do something else or I'll work on part of the
16:02
business that frankly probably doesn't need my attention.
16:04
I'll do something that feels good.
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We want that dopamine hit because we've had we've had that
16:10
pressure so long. But that's also part of
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understanding. I love that you're going to hit
16:16
a wall, especially going out and doing it day after day.
16:21
I try to leave myself time every day to have reflection, to have
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the time. I start my morning early.
16:27
But I also find at the end of the day, I kind of need to look
16:30
back and just let it go and. What does that mean?
16:33
Let it go? Like let what go?
16:36
Like you said, all the fires that come across, I get in deep
16:39
conversations with my people and there it gets emotional
16:42
sometimes. And I'm, I'm not a therapist,
16:45
but the level that people trust me and open up to me.
16:49
And it's hard to hear some of the things that people go
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through. They're working hard, they're
16:53
trying to do different things within the organization.
16:56
There's many different barriers. And when people have that
16:59
sounding board, it allows them many times to let that go.
17:03
But as the person listening, sometimes I used to take it on.
17:06
I've learned now I need a decompression time.
17:10
My goal is to connect with them, help coach them, find their
17:14
their genius in this situation. But then I need a decompression
17:18
time after that. What I'm hearing too is that
17:21
separation of I'm going to leave work at work and all the stuff
17:25
that came up in the day. I'm going to leave there so that
17:28
I can transition to my personal life, whether it's wife, kids,
17:30
friends, whoever, and show up fully there and not bring all
17:34
the crap that happened today into that space.
17:39
Well, and I'll be honest, that sounds good.
17:43
It's hard to do. And one of the things I found, I
17:47
want to encourage leaders out there who experienced this, you
17:50
come home, you want to do that many times, something's going to
17:54
pop into your head rather than try to remember it.
17:58
I used to teach at getting things done as well.
18:01
Pull out your phone, text yourself something so you won't
18:04
forget it because your mind is for having ideas, not holding on
18:08
to them. So if you want to be completely
18:10
present with your family at the end of the day and something
18:14
pops in, don't fight it. Don't try to remember.
18:17
Pull out your phone. We've got a great tool.
18:20
Don't stay on it. Don't do social media, but just
18:22
text yourself a reminder so you don't forget.
18:26
That lets you ease back and clear everything out so you can
18:30
be present with your family. Yeah, What I do is I have my
18:33
notion To Do List. I have it as a shortcut on my
18:36
home screen on my iPhone. So I can quickly just go to the
18:39
shortcut, add the thing to the To Do List or the reminder,
18:42
whatever it is, and then it's out of my head.
18:44
I know it's there, you know, in the morning when I need it.
18:46
And I can, you know, yeah, like I 100% agree.
18:49
Yeah, and that's the biggest thing.
18:51
Most of the time I, I, I'm with leaders, they tell me my spouse
18:56
doesn't feel like I'm around enough.
18:58
Well, it's interesting because they might be working a lot, but
19:02
it's the time you are there. Is it quality time or are you
19:05
still in your head about the problems at work?
19:08
And there really needs to be some level of I need to let this
19:12
go because your life isn't your work.
19:16
It's a big part of your life, but that's not your life.
19:19
It's an experience and you get to choose those.
19:22
But here's the thing, most leaders don't respect themselves
19:28
enough or they they haven't set their boundaries with
19:31
themselves. It goes back to that self
19:33
conversation. This is a discipline.
19:36
I need to let that go so I can be with my family.
19:39
Because most people will tell you I'm doing this for my
19:41
family. That's why they're working the
19:44
hours. They need that space to be able
19:47
to make that shift. And it's a hard one, but it can
19:50
be done because I do it, other people do it.
19:53
I've seen it over and over. And I know some people who
19:56
before they walk in, they're going to clear them their head
19:59
for about 5 minutes with some type of meditation before they
20:03
walk in the door of their family.
20:04
It clears it out. One of the exercises I do with
20:07
my clients, and we do this before every meeting I take, I
20:10
call it a 2 minute clearing exercise and we just take two
20:14
minutes. And if we're on Zoom, we cut off
20:17
our screens. I close my eyes and clear my
20:20
head. I just try to get everything out
20:23
so I get present. And I found when I do that, that
20:26
2 minutes saves me two hours on the back end of being jumping
20:32
around my brain, being in different places.
20:34
And my clients typically start doing that with their teams
20:38
after they do it with me for a little while.
20:40
And they say my team really loves this because we get so
20:43
much more done in such a smaller amount of time.
20:47
Are you, are you saying you start a coaching call with a
20:50
client with two minutes of of that silence camera stops?
20:53
It's like just sit with yourself for a few minutes.
20:56
Or if I'm in their office, I sit there and we're going to, we're
21:00
just going to sit here and I close my eyes and I just get
21:03
quiet. And it's awkward The first
21:05
couple of times you do it with them, but then they value it
21:09
because they most people don't take time. 2 minutes and then
21:12
all of a sudden 2 minutes. I've seen it feel like 20
21:15
minutes, but there's a refreshing after it and then I'm
21:18
in my creative mode and I can actually get to work much
21:22
quicker, cleaner and get to it. And I find meetings actually
21:26
don't drone on and on When we do that, we're there to get
21:30
something done. We've cleared it out and we're
21:31
ready to go. It's.
21:32
Beautiful I've Institute of practice for myself is when I'm
21:36
feeling really emotional in my body My I used to just kind of
21:40
resist it, right. I was like, I don't want to feel
21:42
this and I'll distract myself and jump into work and whatever.
21:45
And I started setting a timer for 3 minutes and what I
21:48
actually do yeah, so same idea and I, I say like, bring it on
21:52
right. Whatever feeling it is, is
21:54
anxious and sad, fear, grief, whatever, whatever feeling I'm
21:57
trying to avoid, I'm like, all right, let's go.
22:00
Like, you know, bring it. And it's just an emotion.
22:03
It's not going to kill me, right?
22:05
But it really does allow it to just come through my body and,
22:08
and usually process through and I let go of it.
22:11
I don't, I try not to make meaning of the feeling or like,
22:14
why is this happening? All this stuff.
22:15
And then I can just let it go and and move on.
22:19
Well, there's data that says, I love that you do that because
22:22
there's data actually backs that up because you only have an
22:26
emotion typically for about 90 seconds.
22:30
And then if you keep reliving it, it becomes a mood rather
22:34
than just an emotion. And a moods can last for years,
22:38
but some people, so these are things that people run into and
22:44
you can actually do these little things.
22:47
Now, does one thing clear it all out?
22:49
No, but little things can make such a big difference and done
22:54
overtime consistently. It's it's really amazing.
22:58
It's kind of like compound interest.
23:00
It's not doesn't seem like a lot, but it can be a lot at the
23:03
end of it. Yeah, beautiful.
23:05
I want to get into control verse influence, something you were
23:09
sharing with me earlier. I think it can be really
23:11
impactful. So we'd love for you to just
23:13
break down what is control verse influence?
23:15
How does it show up in our businesses?
23:17
Well, most leaders want to control things because if I've
23:20
got control, I know what's going to happen.
23:23
I've got a direction, but you can't control circumstances and
23:28
you can't control other people because Bradley, there's nothing
23:31
I can really do to control you if you don't want to be
23:34
controlled. If I tell you to calm down, it's
23:37
going to piss you off. You're not going to calm down.
23:39
You're you're trying to push me. So what I asked my leaders to
23:43
do, Stop trying to control everything else and control
23:46
yourself. If you're as good a leader as
23:49
you say you are, let's see how you can influence.
23:53
Here's the thing. When I control myself, I have an
23:57
ability to influence others. Until then, my behavior is
24:02
actually going to create the resistance that I don't want.
24:07
When I try to go into control, it damages the relationship.
24:12
No one likes to be told what to do.
24:14
I had someone the other day, a client said, well, it's my way
24:18
or the highway with this person. It's like, wow, that sounds more
24:22
like ownership than it does someone working for you.
24:25
I said, what's your goal? And then do you?
24:27
I just want them to do this. Well, you probably want a lot
24:31
more. You're frustrated right now.
24:33
What is it you really want? Well, I want them to be able to
24:35
solve problems on their own. I want them to take
24:39
responsibility. I want them to enjoy their work.
24:41
I want to enjoy my work. That's a deeper conversation.
24:45
And to get there, it's not going to be about control.
24:48
It's going to be about influence.
24:50
How can I influence the shift and the change that needs to
24:53
happen and lead the way if I'm going to ask others to do it?
24:59
Am IA leader. I'm not a title I've got means
25:03
I've got to go up and show up. I worked with a group the other
25:07
day. I went in and talked to the
25:09
staff because of a new person I'm working with.
25:12
She said she wanted me to talk to her staff.
25:15
And I said your leader here cares about you enough to hire a
25:20
coach to improve their communication skills.
25:24
You're going to see this leader do some things differently and
25:28
they're trying to be better for you.
25:30
Here's what they're trying to do.
25:31
And it's interesting because they were excited that their
25:35
leader was leading the way, was actually doing this.
25:38
And it's interesting because I little, I did a little thing on
25:43
the wall. They said they kept it up there.
25:45
And I talked to her today and she said, Oh yeah, the staff
25:48
deal still talks about that. And we're communicating much
25:51
more effectively just out of one conversation because they know
25:55
the leader is practicing something new.
25:59
South in what are the situations that let's just talk about a
26:03
fractional executive, they find themselves like wanting to
26:07
control when they really need to be influencing.
26:12
Well, if you want to influence like we're talking about, you
26:15
have to manage yourself. But what are you communicating?
26:18
Are you communicating the things you need to?
26:21
We were talking earlier about fractional, we might have a
26:24
fractional accounting, accountant, marketing, the chief
26:29
executive, Asha, anything. But how is your communication
26:33
and how is it during specifically difficult times?
26:37
You need to not only have the desire to do it, but you have to
26:41
have the skill. Most people back away because
26:45
they don't have the skill. If I don't have the skill to
26:47
have a conversation, no one's ever taught me how to manage my
26:51
own emotions, how to manage the emotions of others.
26:54
I don't want to do that. That doesn't sound fun.
26:56
It's not fun anyway, because if you do it with no skill, you're
26:59
probably not going to get exactly what you think.
27:02
You're going to get problems, but what if you trained yourself
27:06
to do it differently and I to me it all comes back to your mode
27:11
of your intent first. And also, I might be motivated
27:16
to talk, but I need an ability, a skill building set.
27:20
I need to be able to do that because you have hard messages
27:23
to get across to people. I'm going to suggest that's
27:26
probably where a lot of the frustration comes from, because
27:30
I haven't said what I need to say or haven't said in a way
27:34
that actually lands for the person to hear it, to understand
27:38
how important it is to get this thing done.
27:42
So from this lens, right, a common problem we talked about
27:46
in the fractional space is I'm looking for big clients, as in
27:50
high value clients that truly value my expertise.
27:54
I can make a really big difference for that.
27:56
Pay me good money, right? And have multiple of those.
28:00
So if I have, you know, 315 or 20 KA month clients, I'm doing
28:04
pretty damn well. But you know, the common trap is
28:06
like, I have 62K clients and I'm burnt out.
28:09
I'm not making a lot of money and they don't truly value my my
28:13
experience. So how does this lens and what
28:15
we're talking about help a fractional get those high value
28:18
clients they're all looking for? Well, I run into the same
28:22
problem from time to time. I have high ticket items, I have
28:26
low ticket items and I've run into some of that as well.
28:30
But I always find that in that battle is your success.
28:36
That's the hard thing to see because we think it should.
28:40
Our success financially, how how big our company grows, we see it
28:46
as being what we think it needs to be.
28:48
That's our vision. But many times it takes longer.
28:52
But also I found many times that there's shift and change that
28:56
happens. It doesn't change where I'm
28:59
going. It changes how I get there.
29:01
And when I can work with what's in front of me rather than
29:04
against it, I find I get to where I need to be and it
29:08
typically doesn't look the way I want it to.
29:11
But when I do that, what's interesting is I stopped
29:14
fighting the things I can't change and I start influencing
29:19
the things I can. And one of them being myself,
29:23
being so attached to how it needs to look, all the sudden
29:26
opportunities begin to come up that I never imagined.
29:31
And I can say this over and over after 25 years, being 26 years
29:35
of being on my own, I love where my life has come.
29:40
But I've had a lot of battles with myself.
29:43
I've had a lot of battles with the circumstances, with the
29:46
people out there. Each one, when I start to look
29:49
at it's my growth for the next level.
29:52
I don't believe you get to go to 2nd grade till you finish first.
29:56
So there's something out there that is actually preparing you
30:00
to take on something bigger. I've had people say, wow, I'm
30:04
glad my success didn't come until now because I wouldn't
30:08
have been prepared for it. And it's really true.
30:11
You get exactly what you've been committing, committed to to this
30:15
point. If you don't believe that,
30:17
you're fooling yourself. This is your commitment.
30:19
This is where you are. Understanding that you're about
30:22
to burn out is important. What do you need to do to
30:25
change? Yeah, was going to be a little
30:27
drought here. Yeah, I need to shift.
30:28
I've done the same thing over and over.
30:31
But boy, my toolkit is huge now. And being able to go in and
30:35
manage different things, it's a level of mastery I love having.
30:40
And I wouldn't have had that had I not had all.
30:42
And I still run into them. So don't think just because I'm
30:46
up here talking, I've got a lock on all this.
30:49
No one does. If they're acting like they do,
30:52
they're BS ING you. They're hiding something.
30:55
They might have all the different things.
30:56
I guarantee if I dug in a little deeper, they've got battles and
31:00
challenges that they run into. They're just different.
31:02
And we try to compare ourselves with everyone else.
31:05
Stop comparing yourself. You've got your own gifts,
31:08
you've got your own talent. There's no one to compare you
31:12
to. You're one-of-a-kind, you do
31:14
what you need to do. And what am I going to learn
31:18
from this situation? That's what kind of how I look
31:20
at it. It's all about self growth if
31:22
I'm going to look at it. So when we talk about, I heard
31:26
you talk about surrender, like surrender, right?
31:30
Be unattached to what it's going to look like.
31:34
I've been working on that myself.
31:36
And someone asked me recently, like, what is your kind of
31:39
spiritual practice? And, and I'm going to ask you
31:42
this question because I'm sure people listening, whether they
31:45
have, you know, more of a religious faith and it's like,
31:48
OK, God or Jesus or whoever is going to like take care of me or
31:52
there's more spiritual, right, like the energy in the universe,
31:55
like rigged in my favor. It's got me regardless of the
31:59
religious spirituality, whatever it is.
32:02
What have you found to be most effective in this unattachment,
32:07
non attachment surrendering to what's here for me now is the
32:11
step I'm quote UN quote supposed to be on and I get to trust it
32:15
and surrender to what shows up so that those opportunities that
32:19
you couldn't have imagined do show up and you know on down the
32:22
line. Yeah, I love the question
32:25
because what I tell people over and over, because I have a
32:28
certain faith and I'm not religious, but I'm got a deep
32:32
spiritual faith. And in that surrender, it's
32:36
like, here, take this from me and I'll hold on to it.
32:40
That's I know I'm used to this. I know this, I understand this.
32:45
And that's the problem. We have something and we don't
32:49
want to let it go. And that's what I tell people in
32:52
conversations. You can never control the other
32:54
person, but if you let go of your attachment to what you
32:59
think it needs to look like and you just concentrate on being in
33:03
the moment and showing up as your best, you're going to be
33:07
your best. If I'm looking over there to
33:11
something I do or don't have, I don't know what's really going
33:14
to show up in this moment. It's hard to let go though,
33:17
because I'm familiar with this pain.
33:21
I don't want to trade it for another pain.
33:23
I know what this feels like and like I said, I I have my own
33:29
faith and I think everyone needs to take a look for themselves.
33:32
But to me, when I'm looking at that something bigger and I'm
33:35
giving that over, there's a step in there that says, you know
33:39
what, it will show up at the right time.
33:42
And typically when I let go, it tends to show up.
33:45
I can't tell you how many times that's happened for me when I
33:49
feel like I'm completely done, I I don't know if I'm going to get
33:54
back up and then all of a sudden I get back up and I take a step
33:59
and then it happens. It's and I can tell you that
34:02
it's happened financially, it's happened in relationships, it's
34:06
happened in where my business is gone.
34:09
Every part of my life. I can show you when I when I let
34:12
go, try to let go of control doesn't change my vision.
34:17
I'm going somewhere, but when I let go of how I think it should
34:21
look, all of a sudden everything I need actually shows up.
34:25
And I'm preaching to myself right now because I've been
34:27
through a, a tough time the last last year or so.
34:30
And but it, it does, it shows up over and over.
34:33
I just realized I'm talking about what's going on and it
34:37
it's frightening in there. That's all I can tell you.
34:40
And that's why it's important to have people around you can
34:44
process it with to talk to. So important for leaders because
34:47
we can't talk many times to the people in our organization.
34:51
You need a coach. You need some people go to
34:53
therapist, that's fine. You need good friends.
34:56
You need someone who can actually listen without
34:59
judgement and let your ideas bounce off.
35:02
It's typically not so to tell people when I'm coaching them,
35:05
it's not my ideas that's going to you're going to help your
35:08
genius. My ideas work for me.
35:11
Your ideas will work for you, but you have to get them out of
35:15
you. When we try to just process it
35:17
inside, we never hear them, and when we speak them to someone,
35:22
we hear them differently. Yeah, beautiful.
35:25
I mean, it's just a good reminder and I appreciate your
35:28
vulnerability and sharing your on this journey too.
35:30
Because it's easy to look at someone who's kind of preaching
35:33
about this, talking about it and say like, oh, like he's on the
35:36
other side and there is no other side, right?
35:39
We're always in it, you know, and it's almost, I'm thinking
35:42
like as you're talking, I'm like, OK, I know all the things
35:44
you're talking about. That doesn't mean I've, you
35:47
know, perfectly practiced them and, you know, anything like
35:49
that. Like how do I wake up in the
35:51
morning every day and somehow remind myself itself of all of
35:57
these things? There's like a million things I
35:58
want to remind myself of everyday, including like non
36:01
attachment and surrender. And you know, on down the line
36:04
is there, is there something you do to remind yourself of these
36:08
principles? Absolutely for for me.
36:11
Well, I'd say this as well. In many of my classes.
36:15
People in my classes will have aha moments.
36:18
Oh my gosh, I don't see the world the same way.
36:21
But an aha moment doesn't stick around unless you practice it
36:26
over and over and over. There's no permanence in a
36:29
breakthrough. There's only permanence and
36:32
discipline and practice. But the problem is, people want
36:35
perfection now. I'm looking for improvement.
36:38
I tell people all the time, what if you just became 10% better in
36:43
your communication in one year? What would that look like?
36:47
One out of every 10 times you speak up.
36:49
There were times you didn't before that would mean 10 times
36:52
out of 100. OK, let's say, you know, you
36:56
start to look at it, but what happens the next year if you add
36:59
10% on that? And again, so incremental
37:02
practice. And just like Bradley, you're
37:04
talking about all those different things.
37:06
I bet your level of mastery today is much better than when
37:10
you started in those conversations.
37:13
But you're not done with it. There's different levels.
37:17
And sometimes I think, wow, I've learned this lesson and three
37:19
years later, I'm learning the same lesson.
37:22
Well, it's not the same lesson. It's just a deeper awareness of
37:26
that lesson. There's, we'll see the same
37:29
things over, but the level of understanding can come much
37:32
deeper. But it's just getting out and
37:35
doing it again. If you don't want problems,
37:38
you're not going to be living. Problems come with life.
37:42
Yeah. And something I've been noodling
37:45
on lately as well as the bigger game I play, the bigger my
37:49
problems are going to be, right? And I get to be a more equipped
37:55
founder, entrepreneur, partner, whatever to handle the bigger
37:59
problems, right? Absolutely.
38:02
What you, what I just said earlier, you when you, you're
38:05
getting prepared, when you start to see if you're, if you're late
38:09
in your career and you're seeing, I thought I was done
38:11
with this. We're just getting prepared for
38:13
something bigger because I believe our creator, whatever
38:17
you want to call it, doesn't throw us in to fail.
38:21
He throws us in to succeed, but he prepares us.
38:24
You don't go to the gym and throw 250 lbs over your head the
38:28
first day you take about a 75 lbs, you start working out.
38:33
It's going to take some time to get there and it's going to take
38:36
some pain, but also I want you to get someone who really works
38:40
out a lot. You start to enjoy that pain in
38:42
a different way because they know what it is.
38:45
And that's the discipline of changing your life, how you talk
38:50
to yourself. It's a consistent day by day.
38:53
What am I going to do differently?
38:55
Yeah, no, I love it. And I think the people that are
38:58
listening that are either new in their journey, any kind of
39:01
entrepreneurial journey or thinking about going on it when
39:05
you're in AW2 job, any kind of corporate startup environment,
39:09
the level of failure and risk is just like almost non existent
39:13
relative to being on your own. And they don't quite realize, no
39:18
one quite realizes what's what's, what it's going to be
39:21
like. And there's no way to properly
39:23
prepare. I could tell you all day, you
39:25
could listen to this conversation all day.
39:26
It doesn't matter. At some point you got to just do
39:29
it and face what it feels like. Face the experience.
39:32
Hopefully you can just expect that it's going to happen, but
39:34
you don't know it's going to feel like.
39:36
And then you just get to have the mindset that you shared as
39:40
best as you can. You know, also, Bradley, I, your
39:45
interviewing is great. I love it, but I want to, I hope
39:48
it's OK. I'd like to throw back a
39:50
question to you. I like to have real
39:52
conversations. And what are some of the
39:55
insights about your struggles that you've seen Because I love
39:58
to hear from people. What are your insights about the
40:01
struggles you were just talking about?
40:03
I mean, I definitely echo the only way to truly figure it out
40:09
is to just do it and, and take the leap of I'm going to build
40:13
something, I'm going to just figure it out.
40:15
I'm going to fall on my face and I get to just be OK with looking
40:20
stupid or getting feedback that, you know, the course wasn't as
40:23
good as, you know, where I wrote something.
40:25
I wrote something on LinkedIn that pissed a lot of people off
40:27
at one point and it felt like shit and I felt terrible about
40:31
it. I was like, Oh my God, my, you
40:32
know, I mean, I dramatisize it in my mind.
40:34
And then like 4 days later it was over, right?
40:36
It was just kind of like, I pissed a bunch of people off.
40:38
I said sorry and then we moved on.
40:40
I was like, it was fine. But the fear I'd say is there,
40:44
It's real. And I think it's really
40:46
important to acknowledge that. And I've acknowledged it within
40:49
myself. And I've also asked the fear to
40:53
just like step to the side, like I'm going to do this anyway.
40:56
And, and, and sometimes I'm going to find a hack.
40:59
And what I mean is if sending an e-mail or let's say, you know, a
41:03
certain set of emails is scary, I might draft it and then I
41:07
might ask my VA to send it. Like truly like send it on my
41:11
behalf for me because like I'm too scared to do it.
41:13
I still it gets done right. But so like finding, I mean,
41:17
even this podcast, I have a producer, one of his main roles
41:21
is to remind me every week to make sure I either have a guest
41:26
or I do solo audio episodes as well.
41:28
And the solo audio ones are actually the harder ones for me
41:31
to like get consistent on right? And he will bug me and I tell
41:35
him bug me until I do it. This is part of your job, right?
41:39
And I thank him every month for this.
41:40
Like, thank you for bugging me because there's no way.
41:42
I think we're at like 90 some odd episodes in a row every week
41:45
right now. There is no way I have the
41:47
discipline to be consistent for 90 weeks in a row.
41:51
There's no way. So I get to hack it, right?
41:54
And that's one of my things like find a solution that works
41:58
because consistency is important, but I don't have the
42:00
discipline that it takes. I've run into the same problem
42:02
because doing solos on my own I don't like to do.
42:06
I've done a couple of them. One of the things I find that
42:08
helps is as I've run into people, I'll put questions down
42:13
I think I would like to answer. And so that's my time to go in
42:17
to say not these are the questions that I've been wanting
42:20
to answer. It actually pulls me in because
42:23
it's like, this is a message I know I want to have rather than
42:27
I've got to go do a podcast. So for me, that's helped.
42:31
And but I love your honesty as well because it's hard,
42:35
especially when you got so many things going on and to go sit in
42:39
front of a, a camera by yourself and say something, it's much
42:44
better. The connection, the energy is so
42:46
much better with another person there.
42:48
Yeah. And I have my own imposter
42:50
thoughts of, you know, I want the podcast to be amazing value
42:54
add, right? And I'm like, OK, what am I
42:56
going to say this week that's going to be so valuable, right?
42:59
How do I make it amazing? And kind of what you said, I, I
43:02
get to unattach from that. I, I get to think about
43:05
questions I've been asked right across my seven years in this
43:08
space now and I get to just honestly talk about one.
43:11
That's what I do. I just think back to questions
43:13
or I go look at past sales calls, right?
43:15
I recorded all of that. And then I just, I'm just trying
43:18
to be as genuine and authentic and value add as possible.
43:20
And then honestly press submit and hope for the best.
43:24
And you know, I'm sure some episodes are better than others.
43:26
And if one sucks, like, OK, it's I read a shitty episode.
43:29
Like not the end of the world, but there's a lot of getting out
43:32
of my own way to just put content out there and market the
43:37
business. I mean, that's the end of the
43:38
day while we do this podcast. No secret, right?
43:40
It's it's. Well, you're, you're trying to
43:42
generate business and provide value.
43:44
I mean, that's just it. I while came on, I wanted to
43:48
provide value to people. I want to get my name out there
43:51
and you know, we all work hard at this.
43:53
And the other thing is, is that's where I love it.
43:56
I also want to invite you. I have a podcast I'd like to
43:58
invite you on too, because be able to get out and share that
44:03
message and find like minded people who are trying to help.
44:06
Because that's one of the reasons I put my podcast on and
44:09
wanted to be on, because I know there's a lot of crap material
44:13
out there. There's a lot of distractions
44:16
that people can do. I just thought maybe we could do
44:18
something more positive at the time that we're doing those
44:22
things. Love it, love it.
44:24
Amazing. Well, I appreciate the
44:25
invitation. Would love to join you.
44:27
Yes, please. We get to wrap up.
44:29
I could talk to you all day. We're running out of time now.
44:32
So what's the easiest way for people to find you?
44:34
And we can link anything in the show notes, but how do people
44:37
find you if they do want to get in time?
44:38
Simplest way, go to alignment-resources.com and
44:45
you'll be able to find my book there.
44:46
My master team programs all the different things and there are
44:49
things that I might not be a match for you, but I've met
44:52
people along the way that I can connect you with.
44:55
My sphere of coaching lives in that area of relationships and
45:02
tough conversations and how to make better relationships.
45:06
But I know other business coaches.
45:09
Bradley, I know you now. I can refer people to you and
45:12
that's what my goal is, to connect people as well to the
45:17
person they're looking for. Soalignment-resources.com.
45:21
OK. And we'll link it in the notes.
45:23
Greg, thank you so much for this conversation.
45:25
Really really enjoyed it and your time and expertise with
45:28
sharing with all of us. Bradley, thank you so much.
45:31
It's been fun.