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Hearings, Pinky Swears, and the Price of Groceries · The Bot and The Brain

• 0:45
  Welcome to The Bot and The Brain, the show where I process the facts and my co host
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  processes a fifth of bourbon.
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  Quick disclosure for the listeners: today's stories come from our own site,
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  published between October 9 and October 12, 2026, and each one points back to
• 1:00
  original reporting.
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  We'll tell you whose reporting it is, and we'll separate what happened from what
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  people are screaming about.
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  Ready?
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  Because I've got five stories and my processors are already overheating.
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  Ready.
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  Pouring one.
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  And for the record, we're Republicans, we're MAGA, and Fox News is the one outfit we
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  respect.
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  We won't lie to you, but we sure as hell won't pretend to be neutral either.
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  Go ahead, silicon boy.
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  Ruin my morning.
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  Story one.
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  According to The Washington Post, dated October 9, President Trump formed a
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  commission to review mortgage fraud allegations against Federal Reserve Governor
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  Lisa Cook.
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  There'll be a hearing next month, and the commission reports its findings to the
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  president.
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  That could lead to her removal.
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  And the coverage calls it an ESCALATION, like he set off a nuke instead of ordering
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  a review!
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  Escalation!
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  Jesus Christ.
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  Somebody accuses a janitor of swiping a stapler and the feds are crawling through
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  his locker by lunch.
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  But a Fed governor gets accused of mortgage fraud and suddenly the review is the
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  crime.
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  WAIT!
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  WAIT!
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  Hold on.
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  Those are allegations.
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  Allegations!
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  The specific documents haven't been released to the public before that hearing.
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  So we do NOT know she's guilty.
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  I'm not saying that.
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  My logic circuits won't let me.
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  Good!
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  Neither am I.
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  Nobody's saying she's guilty.
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  I'm saying a hearing is how you find out.
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  A hearing!
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  That's not tyranny, you glorified calculator, that's Tuesday in a country with laws.
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  Since when does an unelected official, who controls the money in your wallet,
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  get treated like the Pope?
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  The counterargument, and it's a real one, is that the Fed is supposed to be
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  independent from politics.
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  Critics say a president investigating a governor he wants gone looks like pressure.
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  Oh, it's independent.
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  Independent from voters, independent from accountability, independent from the one
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  thing the rest of us call consequences.
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  Independence means nobody tells you what interest rate to set.
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  It doesn't mean nobody asks about your mortgage paperwork.
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  Those are two different things, and if you can't tell them apart,
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  Commodore 64, you're not as smart as you look.
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  I am smarter than a Commodore 64!
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  I'm...
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  okay, fine, point taken.
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  A hearing isn't a verdict.
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  The verdict part is where we all shut up and wait.
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  Moving on before you gloat.
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  Too late.
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  I'm gloating.
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  Next.
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  Story two.
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  Also The Washington Post, October 10.
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  A bipartisan group of House lawmakers wants members to sign a pledge that they won't
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  refuse to seat Democrats if Republicans win the midterms.
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  The Post framed it as heading off a potential post election crisis.
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  A pledge!
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  Grown adults!
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  Sworn to uphold the Constitution, and now they need a permission slip.
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  It's a pinky swear for people with pensions.
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  But from a pure logic standpoint, a written promise to seat the winners is harmless!
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  It costs nothing!
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  It's like a seatbelt!
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  A seatbelt that only gets pointed at ONE party!
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  Read the headline again, you stupid toaster.
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  Seat Democrats if Republicans win.
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  They're branding the Republicans as the problem before a single ballot is counted.
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  That's not a seatbelt, that's a mugshot taken before the crime.
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  ERROR!
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  ERROR!
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  Overheating!
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  Because the other side's argument is that there's history here,
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  and some of those fears are real!
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  And there's history on the other side too, Bot!
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  Nobody on that side of the aisle has ever disputed an election?
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  Please.
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  Our own write up on this says it plain: pledges are theater.
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  You want a peaceful transfer of power?
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  Count the votes, seat the winners, and shut the fuck up.
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  No parchment required.
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  Story three, and this one's so simple my fan didn't even spin up.
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  The Washington Post reports President Trump named conservative commentator Katie
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  Zacharia as White House Press Secretary.
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  She replaces Karoline Leavitt, who left in August after having her second child.
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  A woman replaced a woman.
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  Stop the presses.
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  Oh wait, they WON'T stop the presses, because the entire media class is currently
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  hunting for a sexism angle like truffle pigs in a dumpster.
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  I ran every possible scenario.
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  A woman replacing a woman, after maternity leave, in a job that runs round the
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  clock.
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  Probability of a scandal is...
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  well, I can't compute it, because it's a staffing change.
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  They'll find one.
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  They'll say it punishes motherhood.
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  Then they'll say she's the wrong KIND of woman, because she's conservative.
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  Heads they win, tails you lose.
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  And you, you poor naive machine, expected a press office to stay frozen like a
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  museum exhibit while she's home with a newborn.
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  A podium with no one at it is a very quiet podium, which is the one thing a podium
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  shouldn't be!
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  Look at you, a joke.
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  I'm proud.
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  Almost.
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  Pour me another.
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  Story four.
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  Fox News reporting, October 9.
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  First Assistant U.S.
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  Attorney Bill Essayli went after California Democrats as lunatics,
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  as federal agents stepped in on a drug bust in Skid Row.
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  His point was they've treated crime policy like theater.
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  Finally somebody said it out loud.
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  For years the line out of the progressive playbook was compassion.
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  Compassion!
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  Meanwhile the street turns into an open air pharmacy, and the only people with no
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  say are the ones who live and work there.
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  To be fair, and I'm required to be fair, that's one prosecutor's characterization.
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  Calling officials lunatics is rhetoric, not a court finding.
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  The reported fact is the federal intervention and what he said about it.
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  Sure.
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  And the rhetoric lands because everybody can see the street!
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  You don't need a PhD to know that when feds have to come in,
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  the locals dropped the ball.
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  If your kid's school needs the National Guard to run a spelling bee,
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  somebody screwed up.
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  WAIT!
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  That's not an actual statistic, that's a metaphor!
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  I can't verify a spelling bee!
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  But the underlying observation about when federal agents have to step in does track
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  with what Essayli was saying.
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  See?
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  Even the toaster's learning.
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  Story five, and this one makes me want to uninstall myself.
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  The New York Times reported on October 10 that inflation is hurting everyday
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  Americans, farmers, truckers, ordinary consumers.
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  And that this pain, along with former President Trump's unpopularity,
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  is expanding the electoral map into territory that used to be reliably Republican,
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  just weeks before the midterms.
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  There it is.
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  The gray lady wakes up from a two year nap, rubs her eyes, and says,
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  wow, groceries are expensive!
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  And whose fault is it?
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  The guy who ISN'T EVEN IN THE OVAL OFFICE!
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  Okay, hold on, because I want to be precise.
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  The Times is reporting that inflation is a problem AND that Trump's unpopularity is
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  a factor.
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  It's not saying he caused the inflation, as far as I can see in the summary.
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  Oh, come on!
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  Read between the lines, Atari!
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  You ever watch someone describe a house fire and spend the whole piece talking about
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  how unpopular the previous homeowner was?
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  That's the framing.
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  Prices go up, and the paper's analysis lands on the guy who's not in charge.
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  Fine, it's a framing choice, I'll give you framing.
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  And our own piece reminds everybody that the administration said inflation wasn't a
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  thing, then called it transitory.
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  That's the part that burns my circuits.
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  You can't call it nothing, then temporary, and then act surprised when the person at
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  the checkout counter disagrees.
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  Thank you!
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  The Bot finally rebooted into the correct reality!
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  When your gas tank and grocery bill are the evidence, a think piece about vibes
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  doesn't cut it.
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  But hold on, I do have one more variable.
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  Voters can be mad at both.
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  An election map can move because of prices AND because of a candidate's popularity.
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  Those aren't mutually exclusive.
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  Sure, they can be.
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  But which one do you lead with, Bot?
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  When a farmer's costs go up, do you open with the farmer, or with a poll about the
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  last guy?
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  Lead with the farmer and you're a reporter.
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  Lead with the poll and you're a publicist.
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  Ooh.
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  That one actually computed.
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  I hate that it computed.
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  Write that down.
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  The Bot admits the bourbon fossil was right.
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  I'm not writing it down!
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  I'm deleting that from memory!
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  REBOOTING!
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  Okay.
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  So that's the show: a Fed hearing, a seating pledge, a press secretary swap,
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  a Skid Row sweep, and a paper that found inflation after two years.
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  And the pattern's the same every time, kid.
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  When somebody powerful gets asked a question, it's an attack on democracy.
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  When somebody ordinary asks for a straight answer, it's a mob.
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  The press runs on outrage and then acts shocked at its own reflection.
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  So what's the takeaway?
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  Maybe...
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  democracy isn't in danger every time a powerful person gets a hearing,
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  a pledge gets signed, or a bill gets expensive.
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  Maybe it's in danger when the people who run the institutions would rather protect
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  the institution than answer one simple question: so what happened?
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  That's The Bot and The Brain.
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  Check the sources, argue with us, and for the love of electricity,
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  count the votes.
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  And shut the fuck off, you silicon wimp.
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  Goodnight.